Thursday, June 24, 2004

lanks of buddy don: nuther blog ye mite wonta check

thays this blog name of Attu Sees Orange, witch ifn ye gut orange blood on a counta them vols, ye mite be whar ye caint resist lookin, even ifn it dont have nuthin to do with them vols. his blog is mosly dee voted to the weerd thangs of this worl, witch buddy don is honerd to be amung em. tiz a verr orange site.

wanderins of buddy don: goin back to ole virginny

aint hardly nuthin in life bettern that feelin ye git whenever ye walk outta wurk on the last day befor ye go on vacayshun. i gut it las nite n so far, it lingers on. me n miz bd is bout to git in a rental car n drive south till we git to a nice place in ole virginny whar we kin rest n relacks, speshly ifn we kin find a place thats gut a j'accusey, witch thatll git yer mussels unraveled purty good.

then tiz on to tennessee whar we's a'gone see a weddin n climb a mountin. aint life grand?

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

lanks of buddy don: cuple blogs that lanked to me

i wood lack to innerduce a cuple blogs that wuz kind a nuff to lank to me, witch the furstn is a blog name of Geekman. i recummend ye make yer way over thar. thays lots of good stuff, speshly ifn yer innerested in cumputers n linux. the geek also innerduced me to a nuther fine blog name of Winning Argument. tiz wurth a long surf thru. finely, thanks to the geek, i gut a nuther lank from The Presurfer. ye kin find all kinda thangs thar, includin whar ye kin git a runnin kilt.

good stuff!

vacayshun of buddy don: alreddy thar in my mind

i gut to go wurk today, but aint nobidy specktin much outta me on a counta tiz that last day at wurk befor startin a vacayshun, witch i wont be back at wurk till july 6 or 7, dependin on sum volunteer wurk that mite keep me out on july 6. so i feel lazy alreddy, witch reminds me of kramer in seinfeld whar he sed bout a vacayshun, 'i'm alreddy there in my mind.' i bet my boss will say that line to me n dependin on whuther alreddy thar myself, i mite agree with him. i mite jes stare off into space n ast him later did he say innythang. but i will be gone alreddy by then . . .

. . . back to tennessee!

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

wurk of buddy don: migrayshuns

i gut to be at wurk this mornin at 6 am on a counta how we're gittin reddy to migrate our folks frum usin offus XP to offus 2003, witch that manely means they git a new email app. thays a heap of wurk in migrayshuns, witch i used to thank they wuz whut happend when yer reglar methods dint wurk no more. corse after years of life supportin computer users, i figgerd out that migrayshuns is whut we're always wurkin on.

taint only at wurk that we keep a'movin to better thangs: i lack to live my life lack tiz one long migrayshun frum whar i am now to whar i wonta go, witch i lack nietzsche's idee that ye orta make yer presunt self an embarrassment to yer futchur self.

taint any easier than tiz to cunvints all yer users that changin software agin is a good idee. lots of em dont git it till ye splain how the vendor wont support the old vershuns of the product.

tiz a grate marketin strategy. magine ifn auto cumpnies used it. ye mite git a note in the mail sayin the new release of the ford or chevy is out, so ye orta rush out n git ye one, speshly since they wont be supportin the older models no more, meanin that ifn they brake, yer on yer own. ye mite pull into the garage a'claimin yer cars makin a funny sound n have the mechanick say, 'sorry, we no longer support the 1998 and earlier releases of the car.'

so ye gut to keep buyin. software is kindly lack the dope of the bizness worl. ye gut to have yer nex fix jes to keep up with yer competishun. i wonta kindly keep up with my crew, so i lack to cum in early whenever a migrayshun is startin. tiz bout my only chants to see the certificayshun process frum start to finish. after that, bein a manjer, i jes manage the folks doin the wurk, more or less, witch that manely means keepin outta thar way n makin shore they have the time n tools to do whut needs to be dun.

Monday, June 21, 2004

routine of buddy don: back to the grind

tiz back to the reglar grind this mornin, witch that means bein back in the offus after a week away. i gut plenty to ketch up on, probly jes a nuff to keep me real busy till tiz time to go away agin, this time on a real vacayshun, witch we leeve out on thursdy to see sumbidy git marrd n then tiz a lil stroll thru the smokies n mayhap as much as a week in tennessee, mayhap not.

so i probly wont hardly git goin up in here befor we gut to go away agin. im hopin to blot frum the rode, but that aint tested yet. mane thang i need to do is git back to ritin chapturs on that novel, life n pinions of buddy don, hillbilly.

Friday, June 18, 2004

wanderins of buddy don: she's at the ole homeplace

aint nuthin lack bein back in yer own home agin.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

wanderins of buddy don: goin home

i caint cumplain inny bout this trip on a counta how i met n broke bred with a slew of folk that wurks together with the huge support team heppin our firm. i sumtimes tuck folks to lunch in shifts, larnt the short way to wurk, showed a few blue blackberry tricks to folks, that kinda thang. miz bd gut time with sum of her fambly.

now tiz time to drive back to new jersey, witch we used to do such drives in a sangle stretch, but i reckun we'll stop along the way. tiz a indulgents ye give yerself whenever ye start gittin a lil older. ye git to whar ye realize taint wurth the money ye save to risk noddin off at the wheel. so ye stop even when ye wish ye could git home faster.

aint nuthin lack goin home to the cumferts of yer own life. twill be so nice to sleep in our own bed agin!

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

wandering of buddy don: last day in mason

yesterdy wuz a hard day on a counta how i half to drive frum whar im stayin to mason, witch tiz about 40 miles. i lef out at 6:37 AM yesterdy, but i dint git to the offus till near 9 am. turns out thay wuz a cuple acksidents on the innerstate.

i half to add mitt i dun been spoilt by havin the good public transport we gut in the nyc metropoltun area. i pay $65 pre-tax fer a munthly bus pass that takes keer of jes bout all the travel i ever do in a munth. i ketch the bus a block frum my frunt door, show em that pass, git a seat n read till we git thar. then tiz a lil walk to wurk.

now i know thays a slew of folk -- most of em, i reckun -- that dont lack publick transportayshun. they thank taint as easy as ridin in yer own car. but when ye add up all the costs n speshly the fack that ye git to wurk jes bout wore plum out frum fitin traffick, ye kin see whar tiz a good thang to shar yer rides with the genrul publick. thays sum that claims taint safe, but when ye figger thays moren 3,000,000 folks ridin the subways n trains n buses ever day in nyc but almost never no truble fer all them folks, tiz a hole lot safern drivin in a car whar thays minny more acksidents.

innywho, todays my last day a'visitin them good folks that ansers the fones n listens to our users cumplain. they gut em over 100 folks to handle calls frum jes our cumpny -- takes up a hole big ole floor. corse, they gut sum tuff jobs lack havin to support the blue blackberry without havin but one fer 23 folks to share, that kinda thang, but they study hard n keep all thar notes on thar internal websites n frum all that, they do a fine job.

the plan is to start drivin back to new jersey in the mornin, witch i hope to make a lil note befor leevin out, but ifn i caint, i drop ye a line frum new jersey.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

wanderins of buddy don: mason, ohio

i spent the day yesterdy in mason, ohio, whar thay gut em a huge call center. i wuz visitin sum of the folk that heps our users in new york n i must say, i wuz verr impressd by the size n scope of the organizayshun. the folks that takes keer of our calls takes keer of calls frum all over. i reckon tiz the way of the worl, but whenever i ast sum of the folks on the desk bout whut they figgerd wood hep em most in doin a good job, furst thang one fella sed wuz twood hep to be able to go to new york n meet the users thats a'callin em all the time. as it happens, thats the mane reason i cum to ohio, to meet the folks on the desk face to face. thays magic in meetin sumbidy in person that ye dont git over a fone.

but they gut em a grate place n they been doin a eggzellent job fer us.

Monday, June 14, 2004

wanderins of buddy don: beavercreek, ohio

mayhap the most amazin thang bout this place is how one of the prime time channels on tv las nite tuck everthang off ceptn a deescripshun of the weather, witch they gut em sum amazin weather here that could be rite dangerous.

tiz near time fer me to leave out frum here sos i kin drive to mason, ohio, witch thats whar we keep the hep desk folks, witch we calls our bunch 'the pod.' so im fixin to meet me sum podlings that i dun met over the fone. should be rite innerestin. thays a grate bunch of folk over the fone n i bet thar even better in person.

Saturday, June 12, 2004

restrospecktiv of buddy don: lookin back at the furst year

twuz a year ago tomorrow whenever the author let me, buddy don, git my fangers on the keybird n start this here blog. ye aint had the splainayshun of how me n the author is related n all n i reckun ifn the auther ever gits round to splainin that, twill be on a counta buddy don bein dun, as twere.

lookin back on the furst year, heres a list of whut wuz accomplishd:

308 entries not countin thisn. 17652 unique visiters, witch thays minny a blgo that duz moren a day, but i aint cumplainin on a counta how the author started this here blog to rite im a novel n . . .

121 chapturs wuz writ in the life of buddy don, hillbilly, witch i know that lank only gives ye the furst 101 chapturs but i hope to git that fixed by the time ye dun red that far.

when ye put all them chapturs into a manuscrip lack ye wood use to publish a book, it cums to over 900 pages or bout 280,000 wurds, witch bleeve it or not, the author has sum publisher wontin to publish the hole thang once it ever gits dun.

besides that thar novel, thays sum other thangs lack pinions, stories n poems. heres a list of em:

pinions n uther ritins of buddy don:

1. wurd of the day: argon: argons a gas that dont kill ye, but ifn ye git down into a pit, it pushes out all the oxygen n ye die innyway. ye gut argon in the news too, witch reagan has been the argon keepin the reglar news offn the air lately.

2. whar musick cum frum n whut ye kin larn frum it

3. proovin the negativ

4. proovin innythang

5. wurd of the day: an algy -- whenever we merkins was agettin ready to invade iraq, we was subjected to talk of "peasmint" n that talk showd that we dont all rightly unnerstan todays wurd an algy.

6. thangs peeple bleevs

7. war on sum drugs

8. 1st of 7 dedly sins: pride (ye ought not woof) -- braggin bout how yer fixin to win is calld woofin n ye orta not doot

10. lessuns lurnt

11. the 9th cummandmint: thou shalt not bare fals witness agin yer naybor

12. covers n owe ridgnals -- more meditayshuns on musick

13. 3rd of 7 dedly sins: greed, part 1 (how gummint redistribushun of wealth wurks to make rich folks richer)

14. 3rd of 7 dedly sins: greed, part 2 (tax releef: them whuts gots gits) -- thays a bonus pinion on the same lank name of 'a lil bit more on oil'

15. musikul revu: jethro burns

16. eggzistentchul ahhngst

17. pinions of buddy don -- book revu: Big Lies: The Right Wing Propaganda Machine and How It Distorts the Truth by Joe Conason

18. pinions of buddy don: ritin

19. 3rd of 7 dedly sins: anger

20. readin of buddy don: 1977 book list frum the search

21. pinions of buddy don: wurds

22. pinions of buddy don: christchun soljers

23. pinions of buddy don -- book revu: The Seven Pillars of Wisdom by T. E. Lawrence

24. pinions of buddy don -- a cuple literchur revus: Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk n "The Glass Wife" by Lydia Copeland

25. foybulls of buddy don: still a lergick to likker

26. pinions of buddy don: a nuther riter, thisn name of george ochoa

27. refleckshuns of buddy don: seein hisself thru a nuthers eyes

28. pinions of buddy don: blogs are the sinapses of the growin global brain

29. pinions of buddy don: the art of war

30. pinions of buddy don: is this inny way to run a bizness? -- my novembur 25, 2003, assessmint of the new drug entitlement fer drug cumpnies wuz give by our gummint

31. pinions of buddy don: ye cant win harts n minds with bullets

32. pinions of buddy don: herd inny good publicans lately?

33. pinions of buddy don: could ye earmark that fer me? n a bonus pinion name of 'changin the tone on washington'

34. pinions of buddy don: why is everbidy always pickin on miraculls?

35. pinions of buddy don: kissin yer jobs goodbye -- thar leavin the cuntry!

36. pinions of buddy don: over thar, over thar, send our jobs, send our troops, over thar!

37. pinions of buddy don: is it jes me, or is the news all over the map?

38. pinions of buddy don: iraqi n arab cultchur: have we gut a clue?

39. pinions of buddy don: comp day

40. pinions of buddy don: bizarro news -- publicans under bush are the big spenders

41. recepts of buddy don: dream tater soup

42. pinions of buddy don: now that we gut saddam, mayhap we kin git sum ansers

43. pinions of buddy don: now that we gut saddam, whos nex?

44. pinions of buddy don: depends on whut the meanin of 'half' is

45. pinions of buddy don: whuts the differnts?

46. pinions of buddy don: whut happens to a tax deferrd?

47. pinions of buddy don: a fine piece of ritin

48. revus of buddy don: furst taste of sangle malt scotch whiskey

49. revus of buddy don: three of my favert blogs

50. pinions of buddy don: change in the air, then n now

51. pinions of buddy don: countin blessins

52. revues of buddy don: still countin blessins: bowmore sangle malt scotch whiskey

53. revus of buddy don: more of my favert blogs

54. ole ritin of buddy don: a few pomes writ while me n emily wuz in west germany

55. revues of buddy don: ledaig sangle malt scotch whiskey

56. revus of buddy don: tuesdys revu of sum favert blogs

57. quizzes of buddy don: whut is truth?

58. revus of buddy don: tuesdys blogsurvayshuns: cuple pundits

59. pinions of buddy don: still 1984 after all these years

60. pinions of buddy don: mind-readin them voters

61. pinions of buddy don: how to git publicans to vote fer runaway borryin

62. cuzins of buddy don: innerducin cuzin zac

63. ole ritin of buddy don: pomes frum hi skool

64. revus of buddy don: strange new sangle malt scotch whiskey name of linkwood

65. revus of buddy don: sum blogsurvayshuns

66. ole ritin of buddy don: story writ not long after me n emily gut back frum west germany -- "Scattered Afternoon Showers" -- one of the stories writ fer the group

67. pinions of buddy don: faith-based gummint

68. pinions of buddy don: addicktiv blogs -- my faverts amung the biguns

69. pinions of buddy don: march agin tragedy, war on terror, globalizayshun of everthang

70. maginayshun of buddy don: whut if? -- pinions bout whut mighta been with afghanistan n the war on the terrists that attacked us

71. more ole ritin of buddy don: story writ to make the group laff -- "Cleaning Up" -- one of the stories writ fer the group

72. stories of buddy don: story writ to play with point of view -- "Burned" -- one of the stories writ fer the group

73. ole stories of buddy don: story writ to git the group to stop laffin -- "Big Wheels Roll" -- one of the stories writ fer the group

74. ole stories of buddy don: story writ to play with form -- "Hooks" -- one of the stories writ fer the group

75. pinions of buddy don: three quick obsurvayshuns

76. nite life of buddy don: a bar thats famus fer sangle malt scotch

77. ole ritin of buddy don: story frum a novel that never gut writ -- "A Difficult Departure" -- one of the stories writ fer the group

78. ole ritin of buddy don: story the group called a classick -- "Slave of Desire" -- one of the stories writ fer the group

79. pinions of buddy don: on bein a riter

80. ole ritin of buddy don: a nuther story writ fer the group -- "Savage Romance"

81. pinions of buddy don: flossofy at 29

82. man hattan nite life of buddy don: sangle malt tastin at keens

83. notes of buddy don: obsurvayshuns frum sangle malt tastin

84. revu of buddy don: good soldier švejk by jaroslav hašek

85. idees of buddy don: books that could be writ -- manely books i wood luv to read frum my favert bloggers


all in all, twuz a good year n im shore glad the auther lets me peck at the keybird ever now n then. me n miz bd is bout to git on the rode to ohio. im a'hopin i kin blog on the rode, but we'll see whuther i kin git conneckted. meanwhile, i hope ye kin find sumthin to read in that thar list of thangs.

Friday, June 11, 2004

rode trip of buddy don: help desk in ohio

durin the nex few days me n miz bd is a'gone drive to ohio, partly fer bizness n partly to visit sum relatives. tiz part of the virtchul offus whar ye kin have folks in the midwest anserin them phones to hep users in man hattan with thar computers.

we gut us a 'pod' of folks out thar n they caint hardly be beat. in the cumputer support bizness, ye gut a statistick name of 'furst call resolushun' or 'fcr' fer them thats too lazy to speak in hole wurds, witch thats the percentedge of calls that gits anserd by the person that furst picks up the phone. our lil pod is heddin in the die-reckshun of 70 percent fcr, witch thats purt amazin. ifn they caint hep over the phone -- or more lackly, ifn the caller wont let em hep -- then they put a ticket into the queue so my team kin go to the desk n fix the problem.

tiz a good solushun in lots of ways on a counta ye dont have to pay man hattan wages to hep folks in man hattan. corse, ye tend to wurk a lil better with folks ye know, so tiz time fer me to go meet sum of em. i here tell thars sum purty amazin pizza in cincinnati n sumbidy mentchuned sum kinda chili place. so they gut plans fer me. i gut plans fer them, fer that matter, witch i intend to teach em all three of my cumputer tricks.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

cliches of buddy don: no such thang as ritin, jes rewritin

thays this sayin amung riters bout how ye dont rite nuthin, ye jes rewrite everthang, n tiz true ye gut to revise thangs a lot to git em inny good. part of the problem of ritin a novel in this here blog form is how i dont always have the time to git everthang properly writ. i git up a 4 am n try not to read the papers, witch that takes till 4:30 or 5 or 5:30 or sumtimes till 6. then i gut to take a shower n ifn im a'gone rite sumthin, thats when i kin doot. whenever i gut a chaptur i wonta rite, i try to git started early, but even then, ye caint git it all in. chaptur 121 is a purrfeck eggzample. i wuz near outta time whenever i gut to the part bout maise n oscars weddin, so i couldt git the details rite. so i dun rewrit the chaptur, lease the last thurd or so. fergive the rerun, but ifn ye lack to study ritin, ye mite wonta compar the two. corse, the hole thang is still jes the furst draft: all 900+ pages will have to be redun sumday befor i kin let the publisher see it.

life of buddy don, chaptur 121 (rewrit): down frum the ivory tower

odd thang bout graduwait skool is how ye git so caught up in the lil cuncerns of life thar that ye fergit a lot bout how real life is. i wood spend my days readin books by the grate authors, so minny of em till i gut to feelin sick of student life. i had deecided to study english on a counta how i luved readin grate books, but by the third quarter of it, i gut to thankin the 'canon,' witch that means verr books i luved so much, wuz jes a colleckshun of wurks i had to git thru as quick n painlessly as i could. then we wuz eggspeckted to figger a new angle bout the book or the author or sumthin n once we had that, we wuz spozed to rite a lil essay bout it. i member thankin how i dint wonta add my meager pages to the grate trash heap of secundary materials. i wonted to rite primary materials.

part of whut i hated wuz the mechanicull methods we wuz a'usin in eggzaminin them wurks. we wood get into a seminar bout sumthin lack victorian novel or elizabethan tragedy or romantick poetry jes a'knowin we wuz a'gone half to cum up with a paper bout sumthin. whut that meant wuz how we wood check as much as we could bout whut had dun been writ bout a sartin piece of literchur n then see could we find a new lil chink in the skolarly recurd to fill in. mayhap ye mite notice sumthin new, witch that wood be the good case, only since thay wuz alreddy so much writ on ever topick we studied, twernt verr lackly ye wood find innythang new to say. in sted, ye mite use whutever the poplar method of the day wuz to look at thangs, witch whenever i wuz in grad skool, twuz a trick of deconstrucktin the wurk n arguin bout whut its center wuz n a bunch of thangs that i never gut cumpletely even ifn i did majur in flossofy as a undergrad.

so twood be temptin to thank i lacked gittin away frum skool n visitin the real worl, but thang is, the hole time ye were doin innythang, in the back of yer mind wuz the thought bout how ye could be readin this or that or tuther to find out ifn thay wuznt a angle ye could use to git reddy fer that nex paper or test. so even whenever ye wuz out in 'the real worl,' as everbidy in acadeem calld innythang that dint have nuthin to do with skoolin, ye tended to be bout half thar n half in yer worl of wurries over whut ye wuz a'gonna rite or how ye wuz a'gonna present yer paper n all.

but real life aint all that innerested in such trivia n long bout the end of the sprang, maisie n oscar clowder deecided to tie the knot, witch that meant thay wuz a passel of thangs the fambly had to do to git reddy. ever one of them thangs meant spendin time in the real worl n twuz kindly a shock after the neat lil preoccupayshuns of skool.

fer a few weekends in a row, we went over to mamas to sleep n attend to a sundry of lil tasks lack mamas cancer charity or the bachler party or jes a party that virgil wuz havin out at the farm on a counta he n oscar lacked to find a reason to git a keg of beer. all them events gut me to realizin how in the ivory tower of skool, everthang that happens is all in yer hed, but outside of that artifishull lil worl, everthang happens outside yer hed.

fer instunts, twuz along in this time that eli gut to hangin out with dale jamison, witch he wuz one of them fellers i rote bout in chaptur 83: three kings. thang bout dale wuz how he dint wonta do much moren git messd up n when ye mix that kinda persun with eli, ye gut a cuple of purty messd up fellers.

the weekend of the bachler party, virgil tuck us into oak ridge to mamas, witch she n daddy wuz bof at wurk. but eli n dale wuz thar n i ast em did they wonta git hi on sum weed that randy foxs bruther had give me. eli sed twuznt nuthin compard to sum colombian reefer he had gut fer maisie, witch he meant how he had setup the deal n she had paid fer it. he claimd that he n dale had dun drunk forty bottles of wine in jes the one week, witch twuz the kinda thang ye wood here eli say n ye wood know twuz sumthin to ignore. but aint no doubt they drunk a bunch of wine. dale tole me eli had dun blacked out four times that week, witch that wuz purty much whut happend evertime he drunk alkyhol while takin his medicayshun. i hated seein eli thataway, but i dint know then whut ye kin say to sumbidy who wonts to do tharself harm.

then cum the bachler party, witch twuz the same nite as the women wuz havin a shower fer maisie. twuz a verr ugly thang to attend. thangs wuz ok at furst. we all drunk sum beer n passd sum reefer n went out by the fire spot n had us a big ole bonfire, but purty soon twuz deecided we had to git more beer, witch that dint make no sense on a counta everbidy ceptn me n brew wuz drunk as could be n me n brew dint wont no more beer, but we sorta damped the fire till twuz safe to leeve it n went up to the lil house, witch thats whar virgil had sum more beer.

thangs gut real ugly then. eli gut into his preecher mode n started astin everbidy embarrassin questchuns lack who all had they slep with n so furth. twuz a cruel thang to watch. he made virgil splain how he hadnt had sex with nobidy ceptn mj, witch thang wuz, eli made fun of im fer that n i thought how lil eli knew on a counta twooda been easy fer virgil to splain how he had dun it with darlene, but even drunk as he wuz, eli dint let thatn slip. eli then turnt his attenchun to dale n kep on till dale wuz crine on a counta how he wuz raped by a babysitter whenever he wuz bout 8 or 9 years old, witch that splained a lot bout whut wuz rong with dale n why he dint wonta live lack normal folk.

but wurse wuz whenever eli turnt his attenchun on oscar clowder, witch oscar wurked fer a eggsterminatin outfit that sprayed houses fer bugs n termites. eli kep pickin at im n pickin at im, finely sayin he dint wont oscars thang defilin maisies hole. twuz a verr quite moment on a counta oscar wuz too drunk to git it n everbidy else wuz verr ashamed to witness eli bein so cruel. but virgil cum to hisself n sed, 'its a little too late for that' n when everbidy laffed, eli wonted to go, so i tole brew i wood drive him on a counta twuz only brew n me left sober by then.

the hole trip eli couldnt shut up bout how sinful everbidy wuz ceptn him. finely dale ast him how minny women he had dun slep with his ownself n wuz he ever raped by a babysitter or had he ever dun innythang at all with eethur a man or a woman. furst eli tole dale he dint have no rite to ast such a questchun, but in a lil bit, eli wuz crine n sayin how he hadnt never dun nuthin real in his hole life n he hated everbidy who had a real life n he hated oscar most of all on a counta how maisie desurved better.

twuz a odd thang to here bout maisie desurvin better. dint nobidy know maisies hole story, why she wood have her aborshun, yew name it. eli sartinly dint know much about it then. but twuz sumthin i wood here agin the verr nex day. so happent that randy fox had a acksident whar he fell n broke the lil bit of his left femur that wuz still his to brake n that meant a nuther operayshun sos they could replace whut had broke with a artifishull bone of sum kind. i went by to see im in the hospital whar he wood be fer nigh onto two munths. he ast me could he speak alone to me on a counta how emily wuz thar, but i tole him innythang he wonted to say to me he could say in frunt of her. he gut real quite fer a bit n then sed he wonted us to make a promiss to im. we sed we wood do whut we could n ifn twuz a promiss we could keep, we wood keep it.

'then ye gut to stop maisie frum makin a huge miss take.' lookin back on it now, i kindly wish i wooda tole emily to step out fer a mint sos randy could splain whut he meant, but i wuz trine to make a point whar i dint wonta do much of nuthin without emily bein thar, the bachler party bein a obveeus eggcepshun. he jes sed twuz a criminull thang n then woodnt say no more bout it.

me n emily had borried mamas car to make our visit so on the way home we gut to speckulaytin bout why he dint wont maisie to marr oscar. emily ast me wuznt it jes as plane as the nose on yer face, witch i hate when folks asts that questchun ifn i dont know the anser. i ast did she mean how randy wonted her fer his ownself n she sed, 'bingo.' i tole her i dint thank so on a counta how i had dun talked bout this with randy a minny a time. but she reminded me of how he always lacked to give her sum of theevil weed n his perscripshuns drugs lack percodan, witch i hated how maisie seemed lack she luved gittin hi almost as much as eli dun. so i let it go n figgerd twuz as good a splainayshun as inny.

by time we gut back home, turnt out mama had checked herself into the hospital. she n daddy had a argument bout the cancer benefit, witch twuz a beeyootiful event but dint raise but a lil over $1,000 even tho the weather lady frum channel 4 had cum to read bout the fashions. dint matter whut the real topick of the argument wuz on a counta ifn twernt one thang, twuz a nuther. mama had this habit of checkin herself into the hospital whenever thangs gut to whar she wished she dint have to face em n i reckon they musta put her on a sedativ or sumthin n then she wood feel better. n corse, it had the added benefit of meanin daddy wuz a'gone have to face a nuther bill fer it. we went to visit her n ast whut wuz rong, but she only sed she wished she could go to sleep n never wake up. to be honest, twuz hard to feel much sympathy fer her.

innywho, we had to git thru one more party out at the farm befor maisie n oscar finely tied the knot n that lil party almost led to a fite. twuz the same ole party with differnt folks attendin. we had too much beer n too much of theevil weed. we had the bonfire out at the firespot. virgil n oscar gut verr drunk, so drunk that they tole eli to shut up whenever he tride to preech at em bout sin n sex n all, witch he wuz so sprized that they wood say innythang that he deecided he wood walk home. by then even dale dint offer to walk with him till eli insisted. dint nobidy offer to drive him, not even brew or maisie.

then the fite broke out, witch twuznt much of a fite n happend thisaway. after we had run out of beer out by the fire spot, oscar n virgil sed we needed to git back to the house whar they wuz sum beer leftover. so we gut back thar n virgil wuz showin his beehind by playin the musick way too loud n then losin his balance till he fell into the stereo n made the needle scrape acrosst the recurd n make a god awful sound. then twuz so quite nobidy knew whut to do. maisie wonted to go n gut up to try to pull oscar along, but he sed she orta be keerful ifn she knew whut wuz good fer her. so she sat back down n lit a nuther cigarette.

twuz then virgil tuck it into his hed to baptize the weddin cuple. he stood up n pored sum beer on oscars hed, witch oscar tole him he better be keerful his ownself, but oscar wuz laffin. then virgil went at maisie n i wuz a lil sprized at myself whenever i stood up n tole him he wuznt about to pore no beer on maisie. it tuck him a mint to git whut i wuz a'sayin n then he wonted to push me aside, but i pushed him till he fell back onto the coffee table, witch it collapsed under his weight n made everbidy laff. thang wuz, he had been a'dancin on that same coffee table rite after he had turned up the musick too loud, but it dint brake then. he wuz verr riled by that point n wonted to know did i wonta fite. i laffd n sed twuz verr funny. then he threw his beer at me, but i ducked n it hit the wall n foamed out all over the rug, witch that made mj so mad she slapped him n tole him he needed to grow up. in sted, he went outside n clumb into their car n went to sleep. twuz the end of the party.

nex day he called me up to ast me to splain whut had happend. he dint even member nuthin, so i tole him he gut a lil drunk n went to sleep out in the car. he ast wuz he blacked out n i ast did he member how the coffee table gut busted n whenever he couldnt, i sed i reckoned he had blacked out on a counta twuz broke whenever i pushed him down on it. twuz one of the verr few times he add mitted he mite be havin a lil truble with his drankin n we ackshly menchuned alkyholics anonymus. but dint nuthin cum of it.

nex thang on the skedule wuz the reehearsal at the furst presbyteryun church. twuz a tedius affair. the revernd wuz a short pudgy man name of docter saxby who had im a hed of long brown hair that lacked to fall down into his face n a chin coverd with salt n pepper whiskers. he made us all go thru the hole thang three times or mayhap twuz four. twuz too minny n mos everbidy lost count.

fer the reehearsal dinner, the clowders pickd em a cheap place to eat, witch the food wuz jes fine - ham n green beans n mashd taters n salad with a dessert of apple pie coverd in vanilla ice cream. i kindly add mired em fer pickin such a modest place speshly on a counta how it ment they could give maisie n oscar a gift of one hunnert dollars.

after the dinner, oscar went off with his folks but all the rest of us yungns ceptn roena went over to elis apartment, witch twuz lack ever place he lived, a filthy mess that smelled of tubacka n thay wuz old newspapers in stacks all round the room. the sink n toilet in the bathroom wuz bof brown frum never bein washd n ye could see rite easy why eli never et nuthin at home. thay wuz room fer dale n eli n brew n liza n virgil n mj n me n emily all to find places to sit long as everbidy ceptn eli n dale sat on the floor.

eli n dale had em a cuple bottles of wine n virgil brung a cuple six packs of pbr. brew had sum verr fine reefer n purty soon we wuz passin it round. purty soon everbidy wuz feelin fine ceptn virgil. he gut to wurryin bout his part in the weddin, witch he wuz one of the ushers. before ye could say jimmy crack corn, he wuz crine n then he wuz all embarrassd bout it. everbidy tride talkin im into a better frame of mind, but he dint wonta here nuthin n jes cride all the wurser till brew pointed out how twuz odd that eli wuz happy as could be till he drunk the wine. this gut everbidy to laffin so hard that even eli joined in. twuz one of them moments when caint nobidy talk atall fer a bit, but we caught our breath n purty soon, eli wuz back at it. so i menchuned how twuz a'gone be a worship service n maisie n oscar wuz a'gone git all thar sins fergiven n that gut im happy agin to whar he had to tell everbidy how he had been filld with the holy spirt durin the reehearsal.

after all this, the weddin wuz whut at skool they wood call a 'anti-climax' tho twuz a beeyootiful thang. it happend on a saturdy mornin at 11. brew wuz bes man n roena may wuz the maid of honor n roena's lil gurl lillian wuz the flower girl. emily n liza n gretchen wuz bridesmaids n me n brew n eli wuz ushers. we wuz a'wearin tuxes n emily wuz dressed in a bridesmaids dress, witch i dint hardly ever see her dressed in no dress, so twuz a bit of a treat. bof oscar n maisie wuz a lil hungover frum the nite befor, but the hole weddin wuz over befor ye could tell twuz a'goin on. oscar n maisie dint wont no recpshun on a counta they wuz a'goin to myrtle beech fer thar honeymoon n needed to git on the rode rite away. but they wuz held up by all the folk wontin to tell em congratulayshuns, so that give me n virgil n brew a nuff time to decorate thar car. virgil tuck the distributer cap out the injun of maisie's car so twoodnt drive, wtich they wonted to take it when they saw how we had marked up oscars, but thay wuznt no way to start it without that cap. after they drove off, we all stood round makin small talk till mama sed we could borry her car ifn we wonted to git back to knoxville. she n daddy could cum by to pick it up the nex day.

befor a'goin home, we went by the hospital to see randy. he kep a'talkin bout how twuz a dark day fer the duncan fambly, witch everbidy tuck it lack a joke bout oscar, but randy wuz ded serious. we stayed thar about three hours. randy had gut im a lil bag of theevil weed n virgil had sum beer, so we all gut hi, witch twernt no fun on a counta ye wood eggspeck us to git caught, but randy splaind how everbidy on the staff thar felt kindly sorry fer im. he even claimd he wuz havin sum kinda sex with the nurse, witch we tole im twuz sumthin he red bout in penthouse magazine till this purty bleach blonde nurse cum in n give im a kiss n tole im she wuz a'goin home, but she wood be back later to give im his quote sedative unquote. whenever we wuz a'leevin, randy ast me to stay behind fer a mint. he tole me he wonted to kill oscar clowder. i made it into a joke, a'tellin him thay wuz uther fish in the sea, but he wuznt laffin atall. so i ast im why wood he wonta do sumthin lack that. he sed ifn i had eyes, i wood see fer my ownself. i couldnt figger whut he ment but i knew he wuz rite sweet on maisie, so i tole im he should quit eatin sour grapes.

on the ride back home, i ast emily not to take off the dress, lease not yet, but that jes led to a fuss n fite. why wuznt i happy with her jes the way she wuz. i tole her i lacked jes the way she looked whenever she wuz a wearin that dress n figgerd twood be fun -- but she innerupted n sed i wuz jes hopin fer a lil fantasy. i ast whut wuz rong with that?

later that evenin, we spent a few hours trine to catch up on our studies. we red side by side n dint even say a wurd. twuz back into the ivory tower. i wuz contemplatin matthew arnolds empedocles on etna n figgern how i could make a essay bout it. the real worl gut to whar twuz alreddy fadin into the past, replaced by the worl of wurries bout all the wurk i had to do fer skool. befor ye knew it, twuz a'gittin dark outside, so i sed i wuz a'goin to bed. by then, emily wuz a'wearin nuthin but her knee socks n flannel shirt n cotton panties n she wonted to know ifn she should cum with me. i ast her why, witch i dint speck no anser n dint git nun eethur.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

amazement of buddy don: a tennessee mountain in man hattan

a bidy kin only dwell on bad news n hard times fer so long. fack is, no matter how bad thangs gits, thays still sum good times. our lil fambly has been going thru a few miles of bad rode here lately, so twuz a real treat whenever my boss ast me could he buy me dinner at a place he knew bout. turnts out to be a restaurant down in a nayborhood name of soho. the restaurant is one i been to a cuple times before, but not in near fifteen years. tiz a place the featchurs bar-b-cue name of tennessee mountain restaurant.

taint the same as bein in tennessee -- corse, nuthin is -- but tiz purty close in sum ways. they gut bar-b-cue smells in thar that make ye drool lack a dog at a pick nick n thay sell a beer name of blue moon that cums from memphis. i dont eat meat ceptn fer fish so i orderd cajun catfish with rice, witch twuz a deelightful treat. my boss had im sum of the pulld pork n i half to say, twuz all i could do to resist it. i been a fish-eatin vegetarian fer minny a year, n fer the mos part, i dont git tempted by inny meat, but the smells of that place n the look of that pulld pork swimmin in a lil puddle of bar-b-cue sauce all piled onto a biskit made me wonta take a bite or even order me sum, but i resisted. my boss bought im a cuple them blue moons n i stuck to jack daniels. the place had em sumthin thay call tennessee moonshine, but turnt out to be a mixed drank, or i wooda had sum.

so in the blessin-countin bizness, let me add these two to the list: (1) gut a real good boss, the kind ye kin sit down n have dinner with n not talk bout wurk ceptn fer a joke or two n (2) a good meal tastes grate even when yer famblys a'goin thru a real hard crisis.

turnt out thay wuz more to the blessins to be counted than i knew. miz bd wonted to cum to the dinner, but sumbidy needed to visit the payshunt, so she dun that part of it. whenever i gut home, she wuz thar. turnt out the payshunt had made sum strides in the rite die-reckshun after bein treated verr porely by a rogue nurse. twuz the kinda thang that coulda set everthang back to whar the payshunt wood be wurser than befor, but in sted, twuz a fite the payshunt n everbidy round wonted to fite. n that hepped the payshunt see thangs better n twuz one of the bes days yet. so we kin count the blessin of thar bein sum good news frum the hospital.

me n miz bd saverd the moment las nite with a lil talk. she pored herself sum glenmorangie 10 year n i drunk a lil water sos we could toast the payshunt n good times lack las nite, even if they cum lack a oasis in the desert of hard times.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

life of buddy don, chaptur 121: down frum the ivory tower

odd thang bout graduwait skool is how ye git so caught up in the lil cuncerns of life thar that ye fergit a lot bout how real life is. i wood spend my days readin books by the grate authors, so minny of em till i gut to feelin sick of student life. i had deecided to study english on a counta how i luved readin grate books, but by the third quarter of it, i gut to thankin the 'canon,' witch that means verr books i luved so much, wuz jes a colleckshun of wurks i had to git thru as quick n painlessly as i could. then we wuz eggspeckted to figger a new angle bout the book or the author or sumthin n once we had that, we wuz spozed to rite a lil essay bout it. i member thankin how i dint wonta add my meager pages to the grate trash heap of secundary materials. i wonted to rite primary materials.

part of whut i hated wuz the mechanicull methods we wuz a'usin in eggzaminin them wurks. we wood get into a seminar bout sumthin lack victorian novel or elizabethan tragedy or romantick poetry jes a'knowin we wuz a'gone half to cum up with a paper bout sumthin. whut that meant wuz how we wood check as much as we could bout whut had dun been writ bout a sartin piece of literchur n then see could we find a new lil chink in the skolarly recurd to fill in. mayhap ye mite notice sumthin new, witch that wood be the good case, only since thay wuz alreddy so much writ on ever topick we studied, twernt verr lackly ye wood find innythang new to say. in sted, ye mite use whutever the poplar method of the day wuz to look at thangs, witch whenever i wuz in grad skool, twuz a trick of deconstrucktin the wurk n arguin bout whut its center wuz n a bunch of thangs that i never gut cumpletely even ifn i did majur in flossofy as a undergrad.

so twood be temptin to thank i lacked gittin away frum skool n visitin the real worl, but thang is, the hole time ye were doin innythang, in the back of yer mind wuz the thought bout how ye could be readin this or that or tuther to find out ifn thay wuznt a angle ye could use to git reddy fer that nex paper or test. so even whenever ye wuz out in 'the real worl,' as everbidy in acadeem calld innythang that dint have nuthin to do with skoolin, ye tended to be bout half thar n half in yer worl of wurries over whut ye wuz a'gonna rite or how ye wuz a'gonna present yer paper n all.

but real life aint all that innerested in such trivia n long bout the end of the sprang, maisie n oscar clowder deecided to tie the knot, witch that meant thay wuz a passel of thangs the fambly had to do to git reddy. ever one of them thangs meant spendin time in the real worl n twuz kindly a shock after the neat lil preoccupayshuns of skool.

fer a few weekends in a row, we went over to mamas to sleep n attend to a sundry of lil tasks lack mamas cancer charity or the bachler party or jes a party that virgil wuz havin out at the farm on a counta he n oscar lacked to find a reason to git a keg of beer. all them events gut me to realizin how in the ivory tower of skool, everthang that happens is all in yer hed, but outside of that artifishull lil worl, everthang happens outside yer hed.

fer instunts, twuz along in this time that eli gut to hangin out with dale jamison, witch he wuz one of them fellers i rote bout in chaptur 83: three kings. thang bout dale wuz how he dint wonta do much moren git messd up n when ye mix that kinda persun with eli, ye gut a cuple of purty messd up fellers.

the weekend of the bachler party, virgil tuck us into oak ridge to mamas, witch she n daddy wuz bof at wurk. but eli n dale wuz thar n i ast em did they wonta git hi on sum weed that randy foxs bruther had give me. eli sed twuznt nuthin compard to sum colombian reefer he had gut fer maisie, witch he meant how he had setup the deal n she had paid fer it. he claimd that he n dale had dun drunk forty bottles of wine in jes the one week, witch twuz the kinda thang ye wood here eli say n ye wood know twuz sumthin to ignore. but aint no doubt they drunk a bunch of wine. dale tole me eli had dun blacked out four times that week, witch that wuz purty much whut happend evertime he drunk alkyhol while takin his medicayshun. i hated seein eli thataway, but i dint know then whut ye kin say to sumbidy who wonts to do tharself harm.

then cum the bachler party, witch twuz the same nite as the women wuz havin a shower fer maisie. twuz a verr ugly thang to attend. thangs wuz ok at furst. we all drunk sum beer n passd sum reefer n went out by the fire spot n had us a big ole bonfire, but purty soon twuz deecided we had to git more beer, witch that dint make no sense on a counta everbidy ceptn me n brew wuz drunk as could be n me n brew dint wont no more beer, but we sorta damped the fire till twuz safe to leeve it n went up to the lil house, witch thats whar virgil had sum more beer.

thangs gut real ugly then. eli gut into his preecher mode n started astin everbidy embarrassin questchuns lack who all had they slep with n so furth. twuz a cruel thang to watch. he made virgil splain how he hadnt had sex with nobidy ceptn mj, witch thang wuz, eli made fun of im fer that n i thought how lil eli knew on a counta twooda been easy fer virgil to splain how he had dun it with darlene, but even drunk as he wuz, eli dint let thatn slip. eli then turnt his attenchun to dale n kep on till dale wuz crine on a counta how he wuz raped by a babysitter whenever he wuz bout 8 or 9 years old, witch that splained a lot bout whut wuz rong with dale n why he dint wonta live lack normal folk.

but wurse wuz whenever eli turnt his attenchun on oscar clowder, witch oscar wurked fer a eggsterminatin outfit that sprayed houses fer bugs n termites. eli kep pickin at im n pickin at im, finely sayin he dint wont oscars thang defilin maisies hole. twuz a verr quite moment on a counta oscar wuz too drunk to git it n everbidy else wuz verr ashamed to witness eli bein so cruel. but virgil cum to hisself n sed, 'its a little too late for that' n when everbidy laffed, eli wonted to go, so i tole brew i wood drive him on a counta twuz only brew n me left sober by then.

the hole trip eli couldnt shut up bout how sinful everbidy wuz ceptn him. finely dale ast him how minny women he had dun slep with his ownself n wuz he ever raped by a babysitter or had he ever dun innythang at all with eethur a man or a woman. furst eli tole dale he dint have no rite to ast such a questchun, but in a lil bit, eli wuz crine n sayin how he hadnt never dun nuthin real in his hole life n he hated everbidy who had a real life n he hated oscar most of all on a counta how maisie desurved better.

twuz a odd thang to here bout maisie desurvin better. dint nobidy know maisies hole story, why she wood have her aborshun, yew name it. eli sartinly dint know much about it then. but twuz sumthin i wood here agin the verr nex day. so happent that randy fox had a acksident whar he fell n broke the lil bit of his left femur that wuz still his to brake n that meant a nuther operayshun sos they could replace whut had broke with a artifishull bone of sum kind. i went by to see im in the hospital whar he wood be fer nigh onto two munths. he ast me could he speak alone to me on a counta how emily wuz thar, but i tole him innythang he wonted to say to me he could say in frunt of her. he gut real quite fer a bit n then sed he wonted us to make a promiss to im. we sed we wood do whut we could n ifn twuz a promiss we could keep, we wood keep it.

'then ye gut to stop maisie frum makin a huge miss take.' lookin back on it now, i kindly wish i wooda tole emily to step out fer a mint sos randy could splain whut he meant, but i wuz trine to make a point whar i dint wonta do much of nuthin without emily bein thar, the bachler party bein a obveeus eggcepshun. he jes sed twuz a criminull thang n then woodnt say no more bout it.

me n emily had borried mamas car to make our visit so on the way home we gut to speckulaytin bout why he dint wont maisie to marr oscar. emily ast me wuznt it jes as plane as the nose on yer face, witch i hate when folks asts that questchun ifn i dont know the anser. i ast did she mean how randy wonted her fer his ownself n she sed, 'bingo.' i tole her i dint thank so on a counta how i had dun talked bout this with randy a minny a time. but she reminded me of how he always lacked to give her sum of theevil weed n his perscripshuns drugs lack percodan, witch i hated how maisie seemed lack she luved gittin hi almost as much as eli dun. so i let it go n figgerd twuz as good a splainayshun as inny.

by time we gut back home, turnt out mama had checked herself into the hospital. she n daddy had a argument bout the cancer benefit, witch twuz a beeyootiful event but dint raise but a lil over $1,000 even tho the weather lady frum channel 4 had cum to read bout the fashions. dint matter whut the real topick of the argument wuz on a counta ifn twernt one thang, twuz a nuther. mama had this habit of checkin herself into the hospital whenever thangs gut to whar she wished she dint have to face em n i reckon they musta put her on a sedativ or sumthin n then she wood feel better. n corse, it had the added benefit of meanin daddy wuz a'gone have to face a nuther bill fer it. we went to visit her n ast whut wuz rong, but she only sed she wished she could go to sleep n never wake up. to be honest, twuz hard to feel much sympathy fer her.

innywho, we had to git thru one more party out at the farm befor maisie n oscar finely tied the knot n that lil party almost led to a fite. twuz the same ole party with differnt folks attendin. we had too much beer n too much of theevil weed. we had the bonfire out at the firespot. virgil n oscar gut verr drunk, so drunk that they tole eli to shut up whenever he tride to preech at em bout sin n sex n all, witch he wuz so sprized that they wood say innythang that he deecided he wood walk home. by then even dale dint offer to walk with him till eli insisted. dint nobidy offer to drive him, not even brew or maisie.

then the fite broke out, witch twuznt much of a fite n happend thisaway. after we had run out of beer out by the fire spot, oscar n virgil sed we needed to git back to the house whar they wuz sum beer leftover. so we gut back thar n virgil wuz showin his beehind by playin the musick way too loud n then losin his balance till he fell into the stereo n made the needle scrape acrosst the recurd n make a god awful sound. then twuz so quite nobidy knew whut to do. maisie wonted to go n gut up to try to pull oscar along, but he sed she orta be keerful ifn she knew whut wuz good fer her. so she sat back down n lit a nuther cigarette.

twuz then virgil tuck it into his hed to baptize the weddin cuple. he stood up n pored sum beer on oscars hed, witch oscar tole him he better be keerful his ownself, but oscar wuz laffin. then virgil went at maisie n i wuz a lil sprized at myself whenever i stood up n tole him he wuznt about to pore no beer on maisie. it tuck him a mint to git whut i wuz a'sayin n then he wonted to push me aside, but i pushed him till he fell back onto the coffee table, witch it collapsed under his weight n made everbidy laff. thang wuz, he had been a'dancin on that same coffee table rite after he had turned up the musick too loud, but it dint brake then. he wuz verr riled by that point n wonted to know did i wonta fite. i laffd n sed twuz verr funny. then he threw his beer at me, but i ducked n it hit the wall n foamed out all over the rug, witch that made mj so mad she slapped him n tole him he needed to grow up. in sted, he went outside n clumb into their car n went to sleep. twuz the end of the party.

nex day he called me up to ast me to splain whut had happend. he dint even member nuthin, so i tole him he gut a lil drunk n went to sleep out in the car. he ast wuz he blacked out n i ast did he member how the coffee table gut busted n whenever he couldnt, i sed i reckoned he had blacked out on a counta twuz broke whenever i pushed him down on it. twuz one of the verr few times he add mitted he mite be havin a lil truble with his drankin n we ackshly menchuned alkyholics anonymus. but dint nuthin cum of it.

after all this, the weddin wuz whut at skool they wood call a 'anti-climax.' it happend on a saturdy afternoon n fack is, twuz beeyootiful. emily n liza n gretchen wuz bridesmaids n brew n virgil n i wuz ushers. brew wuz best man. we wuz a'wearin tuxes n emily wuz dressed in a bridesmaids dress, witch i dint hardly ever see her dressed in a dress, so twuz a bit of a treat. bof oscar n maisie wuz a lil hungover frum the nite befor, but the hole weddin wuz over befor ye could tell twuz a'goin on. oscar n maisie dint wont no recpshun on a counta they wuz a'goin to myrtle beech fer thar honeymoon n needed to git on the rode rite away. we all stood round makin small talk till mama sed we could borry her car ifn we wonted to git back to knoxville. she n daddy could cum by to pick it up the nex day.

on the ride back to knoxville, i ast emily not to take off the dress, lease not yet, but that jes led to a fuss n fite. why wuznt i happy with her jes the way she wuz. i tole her i lacked jes the way she looked whenever she wuz a wearin that dress n figgerd twood be fun -- but she innerupted n sed i wuz jes hopin fer a lil fantasy. i ast whut wuz rong with that? n later that evenin, we spent a few hours trine to catch up on our studies. we red side by side n dint even say a wurd. purt soon, i wuz back in the worl of wurries bout all the wurk i had to do fer skool. befor ye knew it, twuz a'gittin dark outside, so i sed i wuz a'goin to bed. by then, emily wuz a'wearin her knee socks n flannel shirt n she wonted to know ifn she should cum with me. i ast her why.

Monday, June 07, 2004

lite bloggin of buddy don: fambly crisis grinds on

thangs gits up one mint n down the next to whar aint nobidy kin git no rest. the payshunts still in the hospital n aint no tellin when thangs will git better.

Friday, June 04, 2004

idees of buddy don: books that could be writ

my irish friend, the one me n miz bd went to the scotch tastin with, give me a articull from the new yorker tuther day name of 'a book in you,' witch twuz about bloggers who rite books. twuz a short lil read n it give me sum idees bout books i wood lack to read:

1. strate white guy: war stories featurin scots n scotch
2. sayuncle: ima doggone sun of a gun
3. south knox bubba: interpretatyshuns of presdint bush
4. oldcatman: yew kin satarize innythang: colleckted wurks of oldcatman
5. deb frum sugarfused: colleckted haiku
6. tennessee ruck frum voluntarily in china: china thru orange colord glasses
7. big stupid tommy: refleckshuns in a glass tv screen
8. fletcher frum the now defunckt smokey mountain journal: favert pitchers
9. george tenet, witch he mite not blog, but i wish he wood rite a book: politicully correck intelligents

Thursday, June 03, 2004

good news of buddy don: payshunt responds to treatment

these here last few weeks aint been easy by inny means on a counta long wurk days includin weekends n tuther hard times at wurk n wurser than that wuz the fambly crisis.

innywho, we gut the payshunt to a hospital n gut the payshunt (whuther the payshunt is a her or him, i aint a'sayin) to sign in n ackcept that therpy wuz needed. but that aint the end of thangs with payshunts, witch ifn ye ever had a relativ lack my bruther eli, ye know whut i mean. shore a nuff, after only a day, the payshunt wuz callin to git out even tho thay wuznt no way they wood let the payshunt out on a counta how the payshunt wuz alreddy not eatin or sleepin n wuz so confusd bout thangs that ye couldnt hardly unnerstand whut the payshunt wuz a'trine to say.

but yesterdy cum the good news whenever folks wuz allowd to meet with the payshunts psychiatrist n soshul wurker. turnt out they wooda brung in the payshunt the furst time a mobile unit wuz sent fer her or him on a counta the reason listed in the last sentents of the prior paragraf. turnt out these folks kin see the situwayshun n how importunt tiz that the payshunt git the rite kinda hep.

best of all, the payshunt is beginnin to see how good thangs is a'goin. day befor yesterdy, the payshunt wuz sayin how we gut to ketch this kinda thang quicker ifn it happens agin. yesterdy the payshunt had improovd to whar she or he wuz a sayin how we caint let this kinda thang happen agin.

whar all wuz black n awful now thars hope, witch thay aint nuthin lack discuvern hope whar it seemd thay wuznt inny.

that orta be a nuff fer one day: this heres buddy don, signin off with a big ole smile a'crackin his face in two.

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

revu of buddy don: good soldier švejk

i red this book here lately name of the good soldier švejk by a bohemian author name of jaroslav hašek, witch ifn ye know yer geogruffy n histry, ye know bohemia is whar folks that speak czech live, witch twuz called czechoslovakia till twuz made its own cuntry name of the czech republic.

innywho, the good soldier švejk is one of the worlds masterpieces of army literchur, even better than joseph hellers masterpiece, catch 22. i wont bore ye with too much bout it ceptn to say how tiz one of the funniest books ye could ever read. i gut to laffin so hard one nite that miz bd had to considder usin the hindlick manoover on me.

tiz the kinda book ye mite speck to be writ by sumbidy that wuz a grunt in a war, witch tiz bout all the frustrayshun of hurryin up n waitin n wontin to git food n sleep n booze n women n all that kinda thang. tiz also the story bout a feller who gits caught up in worl war one n the fack is, švejk is a lil on the simple minded side of thangs. the hole thang opens with his charwoman tellin švejk bout the assassinayshun of archduke franz ferdinand in sarajevo, witch thats the event that gut the furst worl war a'goin. švejks anser is tipicull of how he thanks bout thangs:

'Which Ferdinand, Mrs Müller?' he asked, going on with the massaging. 'I know two Ferdinands. One is a messenger at Pruša's, the chemists, and once by mistake he drank a bottle of hair oil there. And the other is Ferdinand Kokoška, who collects dog manure. Neither of them is any loss.'

i thank ye git the idee bout whut kinda feller švejk wuz, strate forward n kindly lack the simple clowns frum shakespeare. even if he seems feelbe-minded at times, he ackshly has a sort of wisdum his 'superiors' dont have. thays one passage in particlar that seems to speak purty good bout the current add ventchur over in iraq:

You see, it's not so hard to get in somewhere. Anyone can do that, but getting out again needs real military skill. When a chap gets in somewhere, he has to know about everything that's going on around him, so as not to find himself in a jam suddenly -- what's called a catastrophe.

makes me wish sum of them folks that dint wonta cunsidder how hard it mite be to git out of iraq had been thankin lack švejk befor they dun went in.

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

long weekend of buddy don: fambly crisis

i caint say much bout whuts botherin me most n whut tuck away this last weekend, but tiz verr simlar to whut happend with eli whenever he wuz furst diagnosed as a skizofrenick. he gut to choose whuther he wood be in the hospital even when he couldnt make sense of nuthin. he gut to deecide whuther he wood take his medicayshun or not, witch he wood abuse it by not takin it or takin too much. ever time he refused hep, he gut wurse n wurse. each time he refused to take his medicine, he gut sicker n bit by bit he gut to the point whar he couldnt be sane agin in life. as one docter put it, he had insulted his brain too minny times fer it to wurk rite.

taint eli this time, but the ackshuns are the same. the hartbrake is wurse on a counta ye know whar tiz a'goin n nuthin ye kin say or do will change innythang. we gut our patient as far as signin into the hospital, but we caint make the patient stay thar nor cooperate with them docters nor nuthin.

tiz a gawd awful shame to half to stand by hepless n witness the willful wastin of a life.