waka of budo adana: Frocks

Frocks

Chilly April rains,
Crisp afterthoughts of winter,
Cool the warming earth
As white tree flowers give way
To Spring frocks of new green leaves

waka of budo adana: Smile

Smile

Whenever I smile,
The whole world brightens,
Even in darkness,
For a light that shines within
Is reflected everywhere

waka of budo adana: Haven

Haven

On life’s stormy road,
When there is no place to lay
My rain-soaked body
Down, you pull my aching head
To your breast, my safe haven

waka of budo adana: Urge

Urge

Two AM, awake,
Wishing nausea away
Unsuccessfully,
Trying to resist the urge
To howl, to cry, to vomit

waka of budo adana: Pain

Pain

The pain is a friend,
A faithful companion who
Lives inside my skull,
Who wakes me after midnight
From the terror of nightmares.

waka of budo adana: Renewal

Renewal

Lichens cling to rocks
Mushrooms feed on felled tree trunks
Dung beetles roll dung
Vultures feast on rotting flesh
I chew up my old writings

waka of budo adana: Abuse

Abuse

How dare you strike me,
A tiny defenseless baby,
Unable to walk,
Unable to remember
Yet unable to forget?

waka of budo adana: Risks

Risks

Make fewer errors
And be less likely to lose,
But avoid losing
And be less likely to win:
Plan, execute, take good risks.

waka of budo adana: Serenade

Serenade

With my flute and dog,
I wandered up the mountain,
Seeking better views
And a bed of pine needles
To serenade the full moon.

waka of budo adana: Oz

Oz

There is no wizard
Other than the little man
Or little woman
Standing behind your curtain
Pulling the strings of your life

more eggsplainayshuns of buddy don: kin it be this long?

jes looked at my blog fer the furst time in way too long. caint say i will be ritin much, but i did wonta let folks know i am sorta livin still. i am in a good kinda therapy, witch thangs has to git wurser ere they kin git inny better, witch the mind kin kindly understand, but the hed still hurts way too much.

wurst of everthang is how i caint rite much of nuthin, not even yer lil waka ...

eggsplainayshuns of buddy don: still sickern a dawg ...

... even sickern a dawg that has jes lost at home to them vols, witch i reckun that has to be a horrbull feelin, kindly lack losin to alabama lack we dun this year (or inny year) ...

... but i wonted to make a post sayin that i shore do preciate all them kind wurds n such that i bin gittin in my email n reglar mail n even in comments, so i wonted to say 'thankee' ...

... n i hope to git shed of sum of them medicayshuns i bin a'takin on a counta seems almos lack thar the wurst problem i gut at the moment, speshly with ritin, witch havin trubles thar is a'killin me ... n thays still migraines that bust thru whutever medicayshuns i take.

but havin writ that, i wonta rite this: thays way more blessins than curses in this here life, even in this migrainus hell whar i am stuck at presunt ...

... so heres wishin yall nuthin but blessins fer inny halldays that ye mite obsurve ...

pall gies of buddy don: sorry i aint writ nuthin lately

i bin the kinda sick whar ye jes dont have no innerest in ritin nuthin much. mayhap tiz all that thar medicayshun.

innywho, i hope to git back at it one of these daze ...

waka of budouadana: Cosmos

Cosmos

One need not travel
The earth’s far places to quench
The lust to wander:
Any lake, mountain or stream
Is a cosmos to explore.

waka of buduoadana: Baritone

Baritone

No Baritone need
Play villain in life’s opera,
Though easy fame be tempting,
Corruption ubiquitous:
Choose heroic roles and soar.

waka of budouadana: Darkness

Darkness

In darkest hours,
The new day concealed by shade,
I wonder what comes,
Whether pain, love, even death —
All hopes and fears possible.

waka of budouadana: Snow

Snow

Is that snow upon
My head, my cheeks? Those gray white
Hairs? Reminders that,
However much I dread it,
Life’s cold winter approaches?

waka of budouadana: Forge

Forge

The heart is the forge
In which we temper passion,
Purge impurities,
And steel our inner resolve
To return hatred with love.

nitemares of buddy don: dreams that end in migraines

i bin havin lots of dreams here lately, witch most of em ends up in migraines. odd thang is how ever one of em is about dyin. taint everbidy that dreams bout thar own death (or the death of whoever they be in the dream), but that seems to be the sangle common elemint in all of em. heres the furstn that i kin recolleck:

i wuz lyin in my own coffin, witch thay wuz a slew of folks fixin to sprankle dirt over it. fer sum reason, thay wudnt no top on the coffin. i wuz trine to let everbidy know how thay must a bin a horribull miss take a counta i wudnt dead yet! twuz one of them dream sitchewayshuns whar ye wonta scream but nuthin will cum outta yer mouth.

whenever i figgerd thay wudnt no way to talk em outta buryin me, i deecided i wood settle fer em rearrangin my bidy in the coffin to whar my hed wudnt jammd up agin the left hand corner, makin my hed hurt so bad i couldnt ritely see.

i woke up in a near panick with a terrbull hed ake in the same ole place. made it to the bottom of our loft stairs in time to vomit in the wastepaper bin.

could be thays a lank between whut i am a'feelin (helpless, hopeless, deepressd) n them dreams.

tiz wurth investigatin, witch thats alreddy a'goin on.

waka of budouadana: eclipses

back this summer whenever thay wuz all that talk bout them eclipses, i writ a cuple of waka. i bin trine to keep ritin, but with these hedakes, i caint hardly see to do nuthin. but heres a cuple i had dun (i am trine to git back to ritin n readin n not havin a migraine ever day of my life!).

Solar Eclipse

In sudden darkness
We find ourselves at midday,
Looking to the sky,
The sun’s loving light dimmed by
A tiny moon of cold stone.

Lunar Eclipse

The full summer moon
Gradually fades, dimming
Like the ragged face
Of an old worker who slips
Into the cool shade to rest.

pitchers tuck by buddy don: big leaf of life

Holes

The big leaf of life,
Filled with holes for migraineurs,
Huge missing pieces
Of memories, histories,
Is precious for each cruel flaw.

mizry of buddy don: how long, how long?

i figgerd twood be proper to give ye a lil update on how thangs is a'goin with my migraines, witch i havent bin able to git thru three daze without havin one since july 8. i dun seen a slew of doctors bout it n seems lack twont ever end, ceptn thays always hope n i have dun bin a'countin my blessins, witch thays moren i kin mentchun, startin with miz bd, who she takes keer of me n sticks by me no matter whut, no matter how much it innerupts her own life. twood be nice to have a day with no hedache, but thisn aint one.

fack is, i caint read, caint rite, caint do much of nuthin. but i gut me the worlds best partner n since i hate goin so long without postin nuthin, so this here post is a lil bit of nuthin fer ye.

thankee.

waka of budouadana: Oak

i sumtimes wish i could be lack that big ole oak tree that wuz a'growin in grandie's yard ... nuther migraine day (after a nuther migraine night) ... nuther doctor to see today ... tiz true, sumtimes, i druther be a ole oak tree lost in a forest sumwhars ...

Oak

Consider the oak,
Standing naked and upright,
Bending in the wind,
Freezing in icy snow, yet
Never a word of complaint.

amazement of buddy don: shoot the devil gits a nuther review!

thanks to them migraine hed-akes, this has bin one of the wurst summers of my life. but i jes notissd that sumbidy writ eem a review of shoot the devil, witch ye kin git yer own copy over at amazon (n read a cuple other reviews) here (cumpleat with waka writ fer ye [ifn ye give me two wurds fer a topick], a chop in chinese that means 'wandering hillbilly' n my verr own signatchur).

but even ifn ye aint a'gone be one of the furst 49 (thays still time fer that), i hope ye will take a look at this here review over on liberry thang ... it sheds a verr nice lite on the book ... n do i ever hope he is rite about it!

will wunders never cease? i jes checked to git the url of whar ye kin buy the book on amazon n twuz a verr nice surprize to see whar mr reneau kindly tuck it into his hed to post his review over thar as well!

waka of budouadana: Salamander

Salamander

The salamander,
Easily living both in
Water and on earth,
Unafraid of injury,
Proof of regeneration.

waka of budouadana: Salmon

Salmon

Behold wild salmon,
Swimming freely through wide seas,
Coming home to spawn
In death, feeding all others,
An orgy of sacrifice.

waka of budouadana: Mockingbird

Mockingbird

Humble mockingbird,
Merrily singing for all,
Master of music,
His own, that of other birds,
And even that of silence.

waka of budouadana: scars

Scars

Still trying to heal
From traumatic wounds that left
Ugly, wicked scars,
Clues from which to reconstruct
The crimes that caged my spirit.

mizry of buddy don: fergive the long silents

jes wonted to post a lil note to let ye know i am still here even ifn i aint bin postin. all summer long migraines has bin a'killin me n turns out thays a lil problem causin nausea that made me thank i wuz gittin more migraines than i wuz. but i aint posted much on a counta the heavy medicayshun, witch it make my hed feel deddern it duz whenever tiz a'hurtin frum a migraine ... but without the pane. sides that, i aint hardly bin out of doors since early july, so taint lack i have much to say ...

mizry of buddy don: a munth of nuthin

i am a'hopin that i kin git to wurk n stay thar this hole day. i am a'hopin that i kin git my short term disabilty tuck keer of. i am a'hopin minny a thang today.

as ye mite could figger out by now, i have bin bout as sick this past munth as ever i kin member. it all started on the 8th day of july when i knew i wuz in pane but figgerd is could wurk thru it. i dun it n dun the same thang the nex day, witch twuz a fridy. i wuz feelin a lil under the wether, but figgerd twuz sumthin that wood leave me, so me n miz bd wint to the brooklyn botanick garden that weekend.

then cum sundy, july 12: i knew thangs wood be bad whenever i gut that feelin as ifn i had scraped a 1 inch wide strip of scalp frum the top of my hed, jes to the left of the center line. that pane started n dint let up fer four daze. twuz the wurst pane i have yet felt, tho they say ye caint remember pane n tiz probly true, but i caint recolleck ever feelin such pane befor.

frum that, twuz a series of pane n nausea, witch i wuz on the fone to my neurologist day after day. she dint thank i needed to cum see her on a counta i have dun bin diagnosed. i tole her that the pane made it feel lack it had to be sumthin moren a migraine, but thats whut all folks with migraines sez ever now n agin. i wunder to this verr day bout that.

innywho, i deecided i wood make a pointment with my reglar doctor n have my annual fisicull. furst availabull date: september 9, witch thats barely over a munth of waitin. but a fisicull aint urgent innywho.

then whenvever it seemed to me lack the nausea mite could be sumthin else on a counta i feel it ever time i eat, i deecided to make a reglar pointment, witch i wonted to see eem as soon as possibull ceptn the furst date wuz fer the 12th of this munth, over 2 weeks after i made the pointment. ifn i am lucky, i kin still show eem a simptum or two. thay aint no way i kin figger whar ye kin go see yer doctor whilst yer ackshly in the furst blush of yer illness. thar jes too busy.

thang is, i have bout the best insurants ye kin git in this cuntry.

mizry of buddy don: cummin twixt me n my doctor

i aint bin able to rite much lately on a counta havin the longest n wurstest migrain i have yet had in this here life. odd thang bout it is how it prooves that even ifn ye git the best health keer cuveridge ye kin git, thays still a'gone be sum folk standin betwixt ye n yer doctor.

fer eggsample: i wint to see my neurologist, witch that thar insurants cumpny woodnt let me pick a speshulist on a counta that had to be dun by my primary keer doctor. so the insurants cum twixt me n whutever choice i mite coulda wonted to make by gittin my reglar doctor to pick my speshulist. aint no big thang, but tiz the furst place whar insurants kep me frum makin my own choice ... n i caint say i coulda dun no better, ceptn fer this

a few years back that verr same primary keer doctor sicced me onta a grate neurologist, witch he wuz a big hep till he deecided he woodnt acksept my insurants no more. so i had to git a new neuro even tho i lack the one i had. thang is, i coulda kep a'goin to the old one ... ifn i coulda afforded the $350 each visit wood cost on top of inny perseedures he mite coulda wonted to do n inny medicayshun he wooda wonted to perscribe n et cetra.

innywho, i wuz speakin with my latest neuro (thurd one) bout the news on health keer n the publick opshun whenever she wuz inspecktin me fer migraine damages. i ast her whut she thought. she ast me did i have a problum with public fire departments a'puttin out fires? did i have a problem with publick poe-leece takin keer to make the streets safe? did i have a problum with publick skools?

thang is, i dint have no major trubles with inny of em on a counta ever one has hepped me ceptn whenever i wuz livin down in tennessee n thay cum a fire out at the farm witch turnt out thay wudnt no publick opshun whar we wuz a'livin n we dint know it so the fire cumpny cum but reefused to putt out the fire on a counta we hadnt sined up with em (we dint even know thay wudnt no publick fire dept at the time). n they woodnt let us sine up on the spot since the fire had dun alreddy broke out ... so they let it burn n jes watched us puttin it out our ownselves best we could. the eggstint of the damage wuz grater on a counta we dint have nuthin but garden hozes to putt it out with. but we gut it out ere the hole place burnt down.

innyhow, i tole dr k that i dint have no truble with nun of them thangs. she pointed out that folks that dint lack the publick skools dint have to use em n could send thar kids to privutt skools ifn they wonted to, witch tiz the same with doctorin: ifn i had the money, i coulda stuck with the furst neuro i had. nobidy pervented me. i jes couldnt cum up with the scratch to do that reglar lack.

then she pointed out how the insurants cumpny is twixt us n the deecishuns she wonted to make even now. thang is, the pane i am a'havin now dont ack lack a normal migraine eggzackly. insted, i have bin hurtin in the same place fer the longest. it dont stop. it only gits a lil numb. i tole her twuz almos impossibull to bleeve that it wudnt nuthin a'growin up in thar. she sed tiz minny a migraineur that sez the same. she also pointed out that i dun had my last mri jes a year n a half ago n the insurants cumpny wont pay fer a nuther (tiz rashunned keer, by the way) till it has bin three years.

then she increased the medicayshun i am a'takin, but the insurants cumpny tole the farmacist that she couldnt give miz bd the new drugs on a counta they bleeve i am a'takin the medicin too fast, ceptn tiz the doctor that increased the dose! farmacist sed to cum back when i wuz out of pills n she wood be able to git sum more then.

to sum up:

1. lost my furst neuro on a counta insurants woodnt no longer pay. i coulda paid my ownself ifn i wuz rich, witch i aint n thats the mane reason i have insurants in sted of jes payin fer everthang that mite could go rong, but whut it means is thays a insurants bureaucrat twixt me n my doctor (witch jes magine how much wurser it wooda bin ifn twere a gummint bureaucrat!)


2. my current doctor wood lack to have a nuther mri dun ceptn the insurants cumpny is rashunnin that keer witch that means thays a insurants bureaucrat twixt me n my doctor (witch jes magine how much wurser it wooda bin ifn twere a gummint bureaucrat!)


3. my doctor gives me a perscripshun that shows how she has increasd my dosage, but the insurants cumpny is watchin n sez i caint have the medicin jes yet, makin a nuther insurants bureaucrat twixt me n my doctor (witch jes magine how much wurser it wooda bin ifn twere a gummint bureaucrat!)


4. this same thang happend to me back whenever i wuz havin back surgries, witch thank the kindness of my surgeon fer havin sample pills to give me whenever the insurants bureaucrat cum twixt me n my doctor n sed i couldnt have the medicayshun he had perscribed fer me (witch jes magine how much wurser it wooda bin ifn twere a gummint bureaucrat!)


5. i reckun it dont count whenever the insurants cumpny denies payment fer sumthin thats cuverd n then sez thar sorry whenever ye call but then deny the payment agin till ye call agin n git a nuther round of how sorry they are (n tiz true how they are verr sorry folk) till after three or four such denials they finely pay ... that aint lack a insurants bureaucrat cummin twixt me n my doctor (witch jes magine how much wurser it wooda bin ifn twere a gummint bureaucrat!), jes the insurants cumpny spendin a lotta our insurants payments money trine not to pay whut they owe, witch they all ways ended up a payin, jes after more time n money wuz spent furst trine not to pay it. aint that purty eefishunt?