nitemares of buddy don: dreams that end in migraines

i bin havin lots of dreams here lately, witch most of em ends up in migraines. odd thang is how ever one of em is about dyin. taint everbidy that dreams bout thar own death (or the death of whoever they be in the dream), but that seems to be the sangle common elemint in all of em. heres the furstn that i kin recolleck:

i wuz lyin in my own coffin, witch thay wuz a slew of folks fixin to sprankle dirt over it. fer sum reason, thay wudnt no top on the coffin. i wuz trine to let everbidy know how thay must a bin a horribull miss take a counta i wudnt dead yet! twuz one of them dream sitchewayshuns whar ye wonta scream but nuthin will cum outta yer mouth.

whenever i figgerd thay wudnt no way to talk em outta buryin me, i deecided i wood settle fer em rearrangin my bidy in the coffin to whar my hed wudnt jammd up agin the left hand corner, makin my hed hurt so bad i couldnt ritely see.

i woke up in a near panick with a terrbull hed ake in the same ole place. made it to the bottom of our loft stairs in time to vomit in the wastepaper bin.

could be thays a lank between whut i am a'feelin (helpless, hopeless, deepressd) n them dreams.

tiz wurth investigatin, witch thats alreddy a'goin on.

dreamin of buddy don: seein the ded in dreams

lack inny big fambly, ifn yer lucky a nuff to live as long as i dun, yer lackly to outlive sum of them thats near n dear to ye. afterds ye suffer frum not seein em agin, lease not in this life n nobidy knows fer sartin bout the next life, ifn thay even is one.

innywho, last nite i dreamt of a verr close departed member of our fambly, witch to splain a bit about how it cum to be that she wuz in the dream, i half to eggsplain a bit bout how she cum to be ded long ere twuz time fer her to have died by natcherul causes.

i bleeve i dun menchunned ('bragged' mite be the rite term fer it) how daddy wuz a marine corps ranger n then a speshul agent of the fbi. as a reesult, he made his livin fer a cuple decades a'carryin a gun. he wuz a sharpshooter n lacked to point out how them thats gut blue eyes is known to be better shots than folks with brown. i couldnt say whuther tiz true or not, but he wuz one damn good shooter.

but he tole us he dint wont us ever to have no guns, lease not till we wuz adults. twerent that he wuz agin the secunt amendmint to the constitushun, witch he figgerd everbidy has a rite to own a gun ifn thats thar choice. but frum all he knew n all he had larnt frum wurkin in the law enforcin bizness, ownin a gun only makes it that much more lackly that ye will git shot with a gun.

i have dug up the statisticks befor n wont bore ye with em now, but sum of the thangs he pointed out wuz how them that owns guns gits hurt by guns three times as often as those that dont own em. he also sed that them that has guns to perteck themselves has thar own guns used agin em by the evildoers as often as not (his point is that folks that cums to do harm kin pull triggers much quickern them that gits a gun jes in case). he also lacked to claim (i never tested it) that tiz much harder than ye thank to hit sumbidy n speshly to slow that persun down with a handgun in a tite space ere that persun takes the gun frum ye.

whuther them claims is all true or not, i aint a'gone try to deefend rite now. but tuther thang he pointed out has proved true at lease two times too minny, n that is how a gun aint no deefense agin suicide with a gun n that suicide with a gun is by far the mos successful method.

it dont take much maginayshun to know that i dreamt of a persun who had tuck a handgun down into the woods, smoked the last of a pack of cigarettes n then stuck the barrel of that gun into her mouth n pullt on the trigger, takin her out of this life at the age of 33. that wuz nigh on to 15 years ago.

last nite i had my furst dream bout her. oh how it made me ache to see her after all this time. how it hurt to thank whut a waste twuz fer that sangle trigger pull to have tuck such a lovely and wonderful persun frum us ferever.

in the dream, we wuz in a car. the ded wuz sittin in the frunt passenger seat with me in the back n sumbidy i couldnt see a'drivin. i spoke to the ded, a'tellin her how nice twuz to see her agin. i ast her how thangs wuz with her now. the driver (i couldnt never figger who he wuz) sed she couldnt say nuthin. that seemed to hurt moren innythang. i putt my hand on hern n looked into her huge gray eyes, seein tears thru my own tears, n she putt her hand on mine. twuz a moment to cherish, even ifn twuz only a dream.

corse thats the problem. tiz all thats left us, dreams that mite or mite not cum, memries that grow dimmer in times deepenin twilite.

twudnt three years later till we had a nuther suicide by gun in the fambly, witch them thangs dont never git no easier. thisn wuz fer my nephew.

i member cummin home fer that secunt funeral.

i knocked on the door n daddy anserd. fer the furst time in my life, i wuz biggern he wuz. he wuz defeated. i could see it. one of the last thangs we dun together wuz watch tennessee git whipped by florida, fallin behind by 35-0 with 10 minutes left in the secunt quarter. peyton fought hard to brang em back, gittin the score to sound respecktabull at 35-29.

but twuz such a sad thang to sit thru together. not on a counta tennessee losin. whut hurt so much wuz how daddy dint keer no more. two munths later he wuz ded his own self.

thay wudnt no bullet in his bidy, but after losin a daughter and his grandson to suicide (them guns wuz terrbull deefense agin that), he mite swell have been shot in the hart.

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sleep of buddy don: depakote dreams

yesterdy buck frum tete a tete a tete writ a questchun in the comments astin whuther them depakote dreams i been havin lack crazy makes inny sense. lack mos thangs, sum of em do n sum of em dont. heres a cuple of em i had lately.

furstn wuz bout the new boss of my new boss, witch he used to report to me ere i gut sick n wint out on disabilty. i wont say nuthin bout her ceptn that shes new to the group n larnin how to take control over it, witch inny time ye putt sumbidy in such a tuff spot thays bound to be sum cumplaints here n thar.

innywho, in the dream, i real eyes that she n i are livin in the same apartment, not in inny kinda romanticull fashun but jes to make eggspentses. she wuz bout the git marrd, witch thats true in real life, n i wuz waitin fer miz bd to git back frum sumwhars whilst our apartment wuz havin sum wurk dun. all that wuz stuff i knowd sumhow but never stated in the dream.

in sted, thay wuz a game on tv n the boss ast me whut i thunk of it. i tuck a glants n figgerd twuz one of them all star football games (east/west or blue/gray) n tole er i wudnt much of a fan of em on a counta they tended to be all offents or miss takes.

she ast me to take a closer look n whenever i dun it i seen how the ball wuz a odd shape n finely i figgerd out twuz australyun rules football bein played. i couldnt hardly bleeve she wuz a fan of that but turnt out she wuz. i wonted to clean up the floor in the livin room, witch twuz a mess with dust bunnies n such.

i wuz bout to vacuum it when folks started arrivin at the door. turnt out twuz a party bout to brake out. i tole the boss twuz a lot lack whenever i wuz in collidge with all these folks cummin over, kindly lack party centrull. she sed twuz eggzackly that. twuz a nuther sprize fer me.

innywho, one feller wuz trine to git a keg across the threshhold, so i offerd to hep n picked it up n tuck it in.

rite after that i woke up with a terrbull back ache in my sholders.

i kin make sum sense outta thatn, but it mite not mean much to nobidy else (nuthins quite a borin as sumbidy elses dreams, witch thar nitemares generly make better readin).

nuther dream wuz bout hikin in the smokies with a long time frien n howard stern. the frien wuz a close frien fer nigh on to 17 years but our frienship ended whenever i gut marrd. fer sum reason he dint approve of my wife (luv of my life) n lef me to choose, witch i made the rite choice. innywho, we had dun finished the hike n turnt out howard stern wuz in the button bizness n couldnt find sum buttons he needed. i seen em on the floor n give em too im. then i sed twuz six n bout time we lef. miz bd wuz suddenly thar n she wuz reddy to go as well. my longtime frien ast dint we wonta smoke sum of theevil weed, but i tole im i had dun quit. ye wooda thunk i had slapped im. i woke up with a nuther back ache, witch fer sum reason i *wuz* trine to slap im. i reckun thatn aint hard to make sense of neethur.

nuff of that. i am hopin to catch the early bus today. i hope everbidy has em a grate day n that thar good dreams cum true n thar nitemares leave em happy to be awake.

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pall gies of buddy don: overslep!

used to be my goal of a nite wuz to sleep till 4 am. this mornin i dint wake up till 5:30, witch i dreamt lack never befor. tiz that depakote, no doubt. i aint gut time to blog, tho, so this here note is it, with my pall gies!

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