Tuesday, July 15, 2003

the 9th cummandmint: thou shalt not bare fals witness agin yer naybor

i guess ye might cud say everbidy lies, n thay do, but that dont make lyin ok. questchun is, is sum lies wurse than otherns? ist wurse to lie bout sex ye dun had or bout why ye need to send yer army to war?

to egzamine such a questchun, ye got to start by figgern out whut a lie is mint to do, witch ye generly tell ye one whenever ye need to convints sumbidy of sumthin. arstotle dun broke down the hole topic of trine to convints folks of thangs into three catagories, witch ye kin try to convints sumbidy bout whut dun alreddy happent (forinsick) or bout whut sumbidy might should consider a'doin (palliticull) or how good sumbidy is good or bad right here n now (sellabratorry).

or ye might cud say ye got argumints bout the past, present n future.

whenever clinton sed he hadnt had sex with that woman, he wuz line bout the past, n generly the questchun then is how big a crime wuzt? did it kill innybidy? did it hurt the nayshun? did it reck his marrge? did it brake his wife's hart? did innybidy who wuznt part of the clinton fambly git hurt? n grantid, tiz painful to be lied to, so thays a passle of folks who gut hurt by that lie. n bad as twuz, ye cud say twernt such a big deel that he wood need to be kickt out of his office on a counta he wuz doon his job as presdent even in spite of whut he dun n the lie he tole.

whenever the bush campain wuz a'claimin he wuz a compashunut conservtiv, twuz a lie bout the present that only the future cud deetermin whuther twuz true or not, n the future on that one is now past n turnt out not to be true.

then thars lies bout whut folks should do, n thays the one pall tishuns lacks the mos. ye cant hardly keep up with em all, n thats why thay got jurnlists, witch thays the ones generly has to count up such thangs n when thays doin thar jobs, thays the ones a figgern wuz sumthin reely a lie or not. them jurnlists been playin with argon lately, witch that makes lies much eazier to sneek past folks on a counta folks is lazy, witch ye call that sloth.

ifn ye wont to make ye a list of the lies dun been tolt sos we wood all go long with a unpervoked invayshun of a nuther cuntry, witch that wood be i rack, ye kin git the makins from jurnlists tho ye might have to fine em in other cuntries. heres a list i found in the independent frum our ally grate brittun:

  1. i rack wuz responsbull fer the 9/11 attacks
  2. i rack n al qaeda wuz a wurkin together
  3. i rack wuz a seekin urainium from africka fer a reconstitooted nukyalar weppons program
  4. i rack wuz a trine to import alumnum tubes sos thay cud develp nukyalar weppons
  5. i rack still has vast stock piles of chemcull n biologicull weppons frum the furst war
  6. i rack had up to 20 missuls  that cud carry chemcull or biologicull warheds far nuff to threaten brits in cyprus
  7. i rack had whut it needed to develp small pox
  8. the weppons inspekters supportid the claims them brits n bushies wuz a makin
  9. preevius weppons inspekshuns had dun failt
  10. i rack wuz obstrucktin the inspekters
  11. i rack cud dee ploy thar weppons in 45 mints
  12. the brits hole 'dodgy dossier' wuz so loded with lies that ye kin callt a lie
  13. war wood be eezy as a cake walk, witch ifn yeev ever tride to git a cake to walk ye shoulda bin equipt to see thru thatn
  14. um qasr has been taken, witch thay had to doot bout three times befort turnt tru
  15. the folks in basra is rebellin agin thar oppressers, witch thay dint ackshully do
  16. thay had to restcue privitt jessca lynch
  17. troops wood face chemcull n biologicull weppons durin the war
  18. ifn we git a chants to ast thar scientists we wood fine them weppons, only dint wurk out thataway
  19. i racks oil money wood go to peepl of i rack n nobidy else
  20. weppons of mass deestruckshun dun been found, witch thay dun tole this lie sevrul times without it stickin

now thays sum that lacks to argu that dont matter nun ifn these lies wuz tole so longs thangs cum out rite, only that wuz the same thang the comunists wuz a claimin all long whenever thay wuz a sayin the ends justifies the meens. n thays sum that lacks to argu that twuz only sixteen wurds in the midst of a long speech, but thays generly the same kine folks that wuz a sayin twuz only 18.5 mints missin frum nixons why towse tapes.

corse, thays sum radculls that ackshully reeds thar bibls, n thay has truble splainin whut wood jesus do on a counta thays a wontin to go to war n all but still claim to be christchuns, witch ifn yer a gone claim sumthin lack that, ye need to pull out that garden of gethsemane story n reed it agin.

mayhap ye member thatn, but ifn ye dun forgot it, heres howt goes: them romans cum to git jesus sos thay cud crucify him n one of them deesiples, sum say twuz peter, pult out his sword n tride to defend the mos preshus thang in the hole relijun, witch that wood be jesus hisself, but jesus sed to put up yer sword on a counta ifn ye live by it, ye gone die by it. n he pointed out that he had angels of mass deestruckshun he cudda uset ifn he wonted to, but he dint.

n taint only the sword that wurks thataway.

tiz the lie too, on a counta ifn ye live by the lie, ye gone die by it.

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