wandering hillbilly

life of buddy don, chaptur 12:
dress lack the boss

miz deeanjullo wonted to shop at the toe panga plaza so she sed she'd carry me over to the valley fer the interview. ackshully we had no idee whuther thay wuz a gone be a interview, but turnt out thar wuz. i walkt in the front door n ye might cudda thought i wuz a customer even tho i dint have no money n wuz livin on waved rent. but thay wuz jes as plite as cud be, offerin me a seat n asting wood i be a'wantin coffee. i tole em i wuz thar to apply fer a job. i had dresst up fer it by puttin on my only white shirt, witch twuz a handmedown from mr deeanjullo who had lots of cloze he dint need n he shard em purty librul with me. i had put on a par of his pants, witch thay wuz whut mis deeanjullo callt his good dress pants but he tole her dint matter nun on a counta he never wore em n he dint figger he ever wood agin. thang wuz, i wuz dresst bout as up as ye kin git. i even had on my good clodhoppers, witch i put polish on em n made em shine lack my daddy tawt me to do fer his inspeckshun.

soons thay herd i wuz lookin fer a job, thay tuck me frum the nice seat thayd give me n made me go back into whut thay callt the green room, even tho twuz brown as cud be, n thay set me down with a ball point n a applicayshun. i begun fillin in the ansers to all the queschuns, lack whar i lived n whut my sochul securty wuz n thangs lack that. thay wuznt no place ont to indicate whut job ye wuz a trine fer, witch that seemt a little odd, but cum to fine out thay wuz a gone use everbidy however they cud n dint matter whut job ye got jes longs ye got one.

whenever i finisht anserin the applicayshun quiz, thay tuck it to the manajer n he red t'over. he wuz the furst mexicun i ever met cawz in them days thar wernt minny of em in the 'see me valley,' not lack thay wuz a'gone be later on, n he tole me his name wuz ricardo screema but that everbidy callt him dick. cepn fer havin a grate tan lack everbidy in suthern californya wuz a trine to git, he wuz jes lack you n me, cepn he wuz a manjer in a restrunt, witch that mint he wuz probly a lil dictator, n he wuz.

he ast me sevrul queschuns bout wuz i in skool n why not n how it cum to be i larnt more in tennessee than in californya, witch i dint no the anser to that n jes that my daddy made me tend summer skool on a counta i wuz a bit on the wild side n he cudnt be home all time to make shure i dun rite. seem lack the main thang that cawt his tenshun wuz how i kep sayin yessir n nosir. seem lack fer a mint or so he thought i wuz a'funnin him or sumthin, but i figgert i am whut i am, n i wuz razed to say yessir n nosir n yes'm n no'm n i figgert thay wuz plenty jobs cawz thay wuz plenty places to eat n plenty garbage to cleen up after. after a bit, tho, seem lack he got to lackin the yessir nosir bizness jes fine.

then he ast me to stand up sos he cud look at my cloze, n i wuz glad id dresst up. he dint see it thataway, tho. sed i wuz a'gone ruin my cloze, all but the shirt, ifn i wore em. sed to look at his cloze n sed i shud by me sum jes lack em. i tuck a careful look n tride to figger whut wuz so speshul bout his cloze. he had on a white shirt, the kine golfers lacks to wear. n his shoes lookt lack thay wuz made of plastick or rubber or sumthin i aint never seen befor n his pants wuz whut he callt permapresst rayon. tole me to git sum jes lack his. i tole him i dint have no money, n he sed that wuz why i wuz thar, to urn sum.

'Can you start today?' he ast, n i felt my hart flip. i reckont i dun got the job whenever he sed that, n i tole him i had to tell my ride n figger out how i wuz a gittin home, but othern that, i cud start that mint. he give me a apron n sed dont put t'on till id dun finisht tellin my ride.

miz deeanjullo wuz happy bout me a'gittin the job, but she dint lack it that i wud need a ride home. i tole her i cud hitch, n that made her mad, n she sed she'd be thar whenever i got off, witch i dint no when, so i tole her the boss cud give me a ride home, n she sed she wonted to here it frum him, n i sed cud she be thar bout 7 pm since seem lack thay wuz no way thayd wurk us that long, but thay wuz, only not the furst day.

i went back n put on the apron n ast him whut i wuz spozed to do, n he acted lack i should dun alreddy no, n i sed i dint n he sed i wuz burnin buns lack everbidy who starts. i ast him whar, n he shouted 'The kitchen! What are you, retarded?'

that kindly shockt me on a counta we were never a loud to say ugly thangs lack that, but i figgert twuz californya n thay have thar ways. i went lookin fer the kitchin a followin my nose, n direckly i foun it, n thay wuz a guy thar name of pete a'waiting fer me.

'you the new bun burner?' he ast, witch i sed i wuz, n he lafft n sed he needed sum buns burnt, n i ast him whar wuz the fire, sir? that stoppt him ded in his trax. he ast me did i call him sir n i sed yessir, i had, n he callt out to everbidy n sed i'd dun it n that now on everbidy had to ifn thay wonted thar food on time. next thang ye no, everbidy is a'saying sir ever time thay sed innythang, witch that aint how yer spozed to use the term.

i wonted to splain the proper use of the wurd, but thang wuz, twuz much harder to burn buns than ye might thank. fer one thang, ye wernt ackshully spozed to burn nuthin. whut ye had to do wuz take ye six sets of buns, witch thees wuz three piece buns, n put em on a hot metal table, witch that wuz callt a grill, n then while them buns wuz 'burnin,' ye had to put two all beef patties on the dirty grill fer ever bun ye wuz a burnin, n ye had to time it jes right so the buns n meat wuz dun bout the same time, n then ye had to set em out jes so n pete wood take em n make em into big boys hamburgs. i later larnt to do that my ownself, witch all ye had do wuz put sum speshul sauce on all but the top bun, piece of this stuff thay callt cheese tho twoodnt a dun fer my mama, sum lettus n the ackshul all beef patties n put em all together n twuz dun.

i thank the thang that sprized me mos bout the job wuz how hard twuz to larn the simpl ack of burnin buns, n whenever ye got thatn, ye wuz a larnin sumthin else, lack how to cleen the grease frum the deep fat friar or how to mop or how to fix stakes or see food.

ye also had to watch out fer jokes thay wuz playin on the bun burner, witch i wuz that fer whut seemt lack ferever but wuz akshully only a cuple weeks. but while i wuz it, thay cum one day in a huff n puff n say thay wuz out of peenut butter n cud i git sum frum the cooler, n i wonted to ast em why wuz thay a'puttin it in a cooler, but that made em mad so i went a'lookin n twuz purty plain thay wuznt no peenut butter in no cooler. i figgert twuz a joke thay wuz playin on me, but i had to wait fer em to cum see whuther i'd gut lost n then laff at me whenever thay opent up the cooler doors n found me with no peenut butter. n thay all lafft n i sed i dint thank thar wuz no peenut butter, n thay lafft agin.

lack i sed in a nuther chapter, we wuz gettin good pay on a counta we had this union we joint whenever we got the job. thayd take a bit of each check but thay bought ye thangs lack exter pay whenever ye wurked moren 8 hours in a day, witch i wonted sum of that since id be tempted to call home n brag that i wuz gittin $3.42 fer a hour of OT, witch thats short fer overtime. n thay also got us a 15 mint brake ever mornin n evenin n 30 mints fer lunch. so whenever the next brake came roun fer me, i begun a'studyun up on thar menu, n that made em a lil mad since thay cudnt fool me into lookin fer food thay dint serve.

pete ast me oncet to go git a lobstir n i refust to fall fer it even when he threatend to go git dick. i tole him he cud do his wurst but i had buns to burn, sir. n that got him a'goin on the sir bizness, a hollerin out, 'Yessiree Bob!' n i wonderd bout that since bob wuznt a live person jes a plastick doll in front of the restrunt but i reckont twuz his kinda sport.

purt soon pete moved from bildin burgs to deep fry n i movet over to bildin burgs n thay got em a new guy, name of larry, to handle the bun burnin. larry dint last three days n thay got a guy name of al n he quit after one day n purt soon twuz a parent that thay wuz plenty of folk who woodnt wurk even if thay wuz bein paid good.

corse sum wuz mad bout the way dick screema wood treet em. he wuz a angry man n ye wuz in truble ifn ye lef a puddle of water innywhar or ifn ye gut too dirty or went out to the dinin room, whar we wuznt a loud to go.

but dick wuz eezy next to my daddy n seemt lack a lot of thangs he dun that made everbidy so mad dint bother me much long as he wuz still payin reglar n all, so he gut to lackin me ok n purt soon he figgert out i wuz up early in the mornin n he ast did i wont to larn brekfus n i sed i wonted to larn innythang he wuz a teechin bout the food bizness, sir. he lacked that but he ast me why i dint do right bout my cloze. i ast him whut did he mean, n he sed to look at me. i cudnt get much perspecktiv, but i cud see my boots wuz dun ruint n my pants seemt lack thay wud jes soak up the grease. so i tole mis deeanjullo n she greed i needed sum cloze n i dont thank she lackt me usin up mr deeanjullos even tho he wuz happy to git rid of it. so i bought sum pants lookt jes lack hisn n sum them plastick lookin shoes n all till i wuz dresst jes lack him.

n next thang ye no, i wuz skeduled to wurk from 6 am till 6 pm. n thats whar i larnt bout how to cook aigs n bacon n sausage n hash brownt taters n even omlits n pancakes. not only that, but oft times thayd let me wurk later ifn thay wuz a rush, witch thay almos always wuz. purty soon i had me near $100 cash money, witch that wuz way mornin id ever had befor, witch it tuck me my hole life to save up the bus fare to californya, so ye kin magine how pleased i wuz with myself to be so rich.

corse that also mint i dint have much time fer other thangs such as seein innybidy after wurk cept maybe virgil till he lef n then thay wuz nobidy i wonted to see cept mayhap i wuz curius bout darlene sum way but i kep it to myself. whut wuz worse wuz thay wuznt no time to study the bibl, n that made miz deeanjullo bleev she wuz bein cheeted.

so i tole dick bout it, n he wuz sprized that folk still studied thangs lack the bibl n he sed i cud wurk nites ifn i wonted to, n i splaint bout winsday evenins, witch that wuz when the histry class met, ne he sed i cud have winsday off ifn i dint mind a'wurkin weekends n i fell fer it. turnt out twuz much harder wurkin nites on a counta ye had to cloze, witch that mint a'cleanin up everthang after thay dun clozed. n miz deeanjullo wuz still cheeted since thay wudnt no way i cud git up in time to study bibl befor mr deeanjullo wuz up, but we'd go 'shoppin' ever oncet in a while n sted of shoppin we'd study.

as ye kin see, everthang wuz a pilin up on me, n thay wuz no way to do tall. but twuz wurth it.

i larnt minny thangs a'wurkin at bobs, but the best'n wuz, ifn ye wonta git ahead, dress lack yer boss.