wandering hillbilly

life of buddy don, chaptur 15:
everthang is everthang n whut ye gone do?

miz deeanjullo uset to call me her stripper n masher. shed git to sayin such thangs oncet she wuz giggly from vodka n squirt n heres whart cum frum.

whenever i wuz a'wurkin in x change fer her wavin the rent, one of the jobs needed doin wuz to refinsh sum furnchur. so happent that i dun lartn how twuz dun n i tole her but she wudnt bleev me till i splaint how ye dun it n how i larnt it, witch ill splain direkly. oncet she new i cud doot good nuff to soot her, seem she had a passle of thangs that needed it. n that wuz all right on a counta i lacked that kind a wurk.

i cum to no that trade by wurkin fer my ant ruth at her junk shop, witch she callt it a anteek shop but whut she sold wernt nuthin but beat up furnchur. she she n uncle pappy wood drive up north to places lack virginny n cunneticut n delware n pennsillvany n haul back a trucklode of the mos gawd awful stuff ye ever seen. but uncle pap new how to fix em lack thay wuz new n then ant ruth wood sell em lack thay wuz presshus on a counta a bein anteeks even tho thay lookt bran new. n uncle pap tawt me the trade n wurkin fer them is how i saved the $72 i had whenever i lef home.

n the furst thang ye gotta larn whenever ye go to master the refinsh art is to strip the furnchur of the varnish n paint n dirt n gunk thats on it. ye wood be sprized whut peeple puts on thar furnchur. n ye call that 'strippin' the wood on a counta ye doot by porin this liquid callt 'strip' on the furnchur. n the strip gits that thar gunk to bubblin n ye kin scrape toff. corse ye had to be keerful on a counta whenever ye got strip on yer hands, twood burn wursen fire ants.

i splaint to miz deeanjullo how ye had to strip the furnchur furst n thats how she cum to call me her stripper.

she callt me her masher on a counta neethur she nor mr deeanjullo cud mash taters, witch whar i cum frum, yer born with the talent n i menshunt the portance of taters oncet n thay sed thay lacked em best masht but cudnt fix em thataway on a counta havin arthritis in thar hands. so i offert to show em whut i cud do n the way of tater mashin n seem lack thay wuz impresst. n thay lackt how thar wuz variyas kines i cud make lack butter n cheez or garlic or mash tater pancakes. n i tride sour creem, witch i larnt that from mr joe bob tanner whenever he bought me that stake dinner in chaptur 3.

n the deeanjullos thought twuz grand that i cud make taters, n thats how cum miz deeanjullo callt me her masher.

she wuz a all a'giggly n callin me both names whenever we dun stopped in this restrunt in san looey ohbispo fer lunch. she wuz havin wine after her dinner on a counta whenever she placet her food order she wonted wine n she bought too much on a counta the caraff wuz a better deal n then whenever we had dun et, she dint wont to waste it, n i greed with her that tiz a sin to waste thangs, tho fack is ye dont need sum thangs tall n aint a waste to loose em. n nuther fack is, when it cum to alkyhol, she wuz jes as lergic toot as me n my daddy. but i got no room to preech as ye gone see befor the end, not to woof.

she ast did i thank she wuz drunk n i sed ye cud say she wuz under the in floonce n that made her laff. n next she ast did i thank she wuz obscene n i tole her no but i did thank she wuz obherd, n that made her giggl so hard that whenever she cawt her breth agin she sed we better go. she draint her wine glass in a gulp n put a 20 dollar bill on the tabl, witch that seemt lack way too much but she sed not to worry bout it but i did innyway.

then whenever we gut back out to the car, she ast cud i drive the res of the way n i sed i cud so she clumb in the back in sted the front.

'I think I'll have a little nap, Bud,' she sed, a'yawnin. 'Dont let me sleep past San Jose.'

no dowt ye dun figgert out whar we wuz a goin, witch that wuz up to san fran cisco to see cud we git virgil offn drugs n brang him home. miz deeanjullo had dun brung her big bibl n she used it fer a piller. she sed i should drive keerful n i tole her i wood but she wuz a snorn befor ye cud say jack sprat.

twuz a long drive but i never gut lost even oncet on a counta thay gut these giant concreet rodes thay calls 'freeways' n oncet ye git on one, ye never turn nor nuthin cept maybe stop fer gas or food. i tride to wake miz deeanjullo in san hozay but she wuz daid to the worl so i stopt fer gas n i shuck her by her arm n that brought her a roun.

she ast wuz thar a ladees room n i tole her i reckont thar wood be but i hadnt checkt but thar wuz one i used n ifn twuz the only one twuz smellier than a outhouse. she sed that dint matter nun that she had to go no matter whut no matter whar n wood i be a doll n git her a squirt to drank n innythang i wonted n then she tuck a ten doller bill frum her purs in give it to me. the tank wuz neer emty n the squirt wuz 50 cent so i dint git nuthin fer myself n her change wuz still only four fifty.

i went back to the car but twuz emty so i went a'lookin fer miz deeanjullo n foun her finely in that restroom a wurkin on her make up, witch that wuz a good thang ackshully. she sed she had to look her best on a counta she wuz a'witnessin fer jeehovuh n right thar in that restroom we had wurds on a counta i dint wont her makin thangs wurse by preechin to virgil ifn he dint wont to heert, witch i dun new he dint, n she wuz a fitin right back on a counta she had a dooty to witness fer jeehovuh n spred his wurd. we went back n forth on whut we wuz a gone do n finely i dun quoted sum scriptchur my own self, the part whar yer sposed to shake the dust offen yer sandls ifn yer preechin at folks that dont wont to heert n that stung her sum on a counta it hit home.

so we greed on a genda she made up, witch it went thisaway. furst we wood eat our dinner n then she cud let me go see ifn i cud git virgil to cum back my way on a counta i also pointed out that the stoatses had dun ast me to doot not her. n whenever it gut to be nine i wuz spozed to meet her out in front of the restrunt, n then she wood git her chants to doot her way ifn twuz needed. n if twuznt i made her promis she woodnt say nuthin. n she greed to that on a counta i tole her id tell virgils parnts.

so we had dinner n i lef while she wuz finishin her wine, witch i dint say innythang bout that even if i wuz temptid.

tuck me a while to fine wherever virgil lived n then to figger which apartment on a counta the buildin dint seem lack twuz kep up. seemt lack thay wuz folks everwhar int n whenever i gut to whar he sed he lived, thay wuz a hippy thar with long har n strange close n he sed peace bruther n made that sine thay make with thar fangers n i sed same to ye, sir, n he lookt at me more keerful lack. i ast did virgil stoats live thar n the hippy seem lack he tuck a mint to git my point n then he sed yeah, virgil crashd thar, witch i ast ifn he wuz hurt in the crash n the hippy sed did i think i wuz funny or sumthin.

so i lef n walked a roun the nayburhood n fount me a place to stay whar i cud see virgils place, same as yed do ifn ye wuz huntin deer. thay callt the place the tender loin n thay wuz folks everwhar n thay cum in all kines, sum of em chinees n sum mexicun n sum black n sum white n mostem acktin lack thay wuz hippies. thay wuz all innermingelt till it was hard fer me to bleev on a counta that wuz the furst time i seen or herd tell of folks livin together thataway.

i have to add mitt i was mos amazed at everthang i was a'seein. most a stowndin of all wuz these wimmin thay had. thay wuz a strollin back n forth in front of the place i wuz a'standin n ever now n then thayd cum over n ast did i wont cumpny or did i wont a date n i thanked em n tole em i wuz a'watin on a fren of mine.

n purt soon, here cum virgil n myra jane. thay dint see me n i cud see thay wuz fussin over sumthin. virgil had a grocry bag n lookt lack he hadnt seen a bath in a while. myra jane wuz dresst lack them wimmin that wuz lookin fer cumpny n i dint no if i should inner fear but virgil saw me n hollerd wuz that me n i sed twuz n he run over n give me a hug n sed twuz groovy i had cum up n how long wuz i a'stayin n he had thangs to show me n places lack deeanjullo gate park n yew name it.

i wuz about to tell him whut i cum for but myra jane cum over n seem lack she cudnt tell i wuz thar but she wonted virgil to cum on. i sed hey myra jane n she ignored me so i sed virgil i cum to see cud i git ye offn drugs n brang ye back home. whut do ye say? i figgered warnt no point in wastin time trine to splain thangs on a counta ye cud see he wuz dun gone over myra jane till twuz a shame. dont git me rong we talkt a long while, witch thats whut made me late a'gittin back to miz deeanjullo. i neerly had him cunvinst n i thank he wonted to go but myra jane wood turn him her way n ast wuz he a man or a mous n i wuz thankin i cudda ast the same thang ceptn twood be rong.

i found miz deeanjullo a lyin down on a cot thay had in the manjers office back at the restrunt. thay sed she dun tuck sick n cudnt hold her dinner down n thay sed thay wudnt be no charge fer the dinner n wood i lack innythang n i sed i wuz a gone to drive back to lost angels so he give me sum coffee n even fillt up that coffee canteen miz deeanjullo brung. i gut her up n she thanked me n  i helpt her to the car n put her in back n started drivin.

n while i wuz a drivin, the hole thang wuz a goin thru my haid. them wimmin, fer instunts,  that wuz a lookin fer dates n cumpny -- tunrt out thay wuz ackshully men. thats rite, thay wuz men even tho ye never saw no sexier wimmin i dont care even if thay wuz men. n virgil n myra jane wuz frens with one n i met him or mayhap ye wood say her but he or she wuz mad on a counta he or she dun ast me did i want a date n i sed no.

n virgil tole me he dun tride pot n twuz wonderful but dint make ye crazy nor violint nor nuthin lack that but it made musick better n ye cud here new thangs ye never noticed befor. n he sed he wuz a gone trip soon, witch that mint he wuz a gone take sum lsd, n dint matter whutever i dun sed bout it, his mine wuz made up. n i dint questchun him bout it on a counta i cudnt help but wunder how twood be to doot.

fack is, the hole time i wuz tryin to convince virgil he should cum home, i wuz rilly itchin to do lack myra jane wuz a'sayin. as i drove, her voice wuz in my mine a sayin all that stuff about how ye gut to reech out n take a holt of yer life n have sum advenchurs n not sell out to the stablishmint. n whut about peace? n brotherhood? whut about art? n findin yerself? n makin musik? n feedin yer hed? life kin be a grate advenchur or a stoopid bore n then ye die. everthang is evethang n whut ye gone do? waste yer life wurkin?

n i had to add mitt that stuff wuz powrful indoosmint tho it dint seem to reech virgil so i ast him why dint we go. but then myra jane sed why dint we go git drunk n she lookt at me fer the furst time n virgil lafft in ast did i wonta cum n i splaint agin bout bein a lergic n sed i druther not.

but the hole way home i wunderd why i wuz the way i wuz.

whenever we got thar, i shuck miz deeanjullo awake n neerly had to carry her in the house. she tole me she wuz proud of me n sed thar wernt no better stripper nor masher either. i chucklet to be plite.

"You're a good boy, Bud," she sed, n fack is, that wuz jes whut i wuz, n when she sed it, seemt lack that wuz the problem. then she kisst my cheek n sed i shouldnt never change.

i tole her i woodnt, but i wuz lyin.