blessins of buddy don: thanks fer a good day

tiz odd how bein sick changes yer perspecktiv. when ye larn ye gut ye a new diss ease of sum kind, ye mite not wonta bleeve it. ye mite resist the need to redefine yerself as whut ye are becummin. tiz a lot lack them famus five stages of grief that elizabeth kubler-ross writ about.

heres them stages n how i been wurkin with or agin em as i cuntinue to larn i git migraines n could even be named a 'migraneur', witch thats the fancy name medicull folk use to refer to them lack me that gits migraines.

1. denial: tiz a temnptayshun to figger that whut seems to be happenin aint a'happenin atall. so fer the furst few years of havin this problem, we tride to splain it inny way we could without add mittin i mite be one of them migraneurs. we sed it could be sumthin i had et (food poisonin), sumthin i had drunk (did ye have wine last nite? beer? whut?), indigestchun, mayhap even acid reflux, or sumthin i had dun (did ye wurk to hard? too long?).
   
   taint only denial of bein a migraneur that plays a role. inny given day when i am a'fixin to have a migraine, seems lack i am also in denial. i dont add mitt tiz a'happenin. often a nuff i go to wurk n git sent home. whut that means is that i aint takin the migraine medicin as early in the cycle as mayhap i orta be a'doin. on tuther hand, i hate to take medicin that knocks me out when mayhap all i have is a lil indigestchun or sumthin simlar.


2. anger: once ye git past denial, tiz into anger, witch i am here to tell ye i have been so angry that i have thrown thangs n broke thangs n wonted to lay down in the floor n have a temper tantrum while screamin n kickin my laigs as ifn i wuz three years ole.
   
   tiz also easy to git angry at yer fate, astin why did this half to happen to ye? one day ye wake up with a urge to vomit n do it fer fifteen hours n frum then on, lack it or not, yer life is changed, even ifn ye deny it long as ye kin. tiz foolish to git angry at yer fate but i defy innybidy to avoid it.


3. bargainin: nex stage is whar ye start trine to make bargains with yer diss ease, as ifn twuz sumthin that could call off the symtomatick troops whenever it deecided to. ye say ye will start doin rite, quit drankin innythang, quit wurkin so minny hours, quit eatin soup in restrunts or outta cans, go to a nuther docter, extercise more (or atall), ye name it -- ye wood lack a deal whar ye start bein good n the diss ease ye gut goes away.
   
   corse, it dont wurk thataway. fer me tiz part of bein razed as a protestunt, bleevin that ifn yer good n wurk hard, ye git a good life n prosper n such. corse, luckys bettern good, witch that means ye mite be as good as a saint but still git hedaches, ifn yer luck aint all that good.


4. deepresshun: thisn is the wurst part of it fer me. whenever i started havin this reglar lack, i gut to bein so deepressd to whar that almost becum the mane problem. i wood wurry lack crazy bout losin my job, bout bein crippled by the diss ease, bein less of a man or a person. after a while, i gut to whar i dint even wurry bout my job n gut to thankin mayhap twood be better jes not to wake up after fallin asleep durin one of these attacks.


5. acceptunce: as mos everybidy knows or could lackly figger out by now, the last stage is acceptunce. i caint honestly say i have reached this stage yet, not cumpletely. i am still angry n liabull to bein deepressd. mayhap part of me is acceptin, but mos of me aint thar yet. i still wonta say sumthins rong, sumbidy drew the rong fate fer me, taint fair -- i am mad as hell n aint a'gonna take it no more ... ceptn, i am gonna take it whuther i add mitt it or not. thays also a lot of deepresshun over whuts been a'happenin, even ifn i am acceptin sum parts of this fate. i know taint the wurst fate innybidy ever had n i sumtimes even feel deepressd bout the way i carry on about it. but i am at lease to the point of trine to accept it n figger out how kin i live better with it than i been a'doin.

this evenin, i go back over to the new york sleep institute to sleep fer em agin, this time with one of them cpap deevices. i am at lease to the point of acceptin that i mite have to use such a deevice to sleep ... mayhap frum now on. i caint say that fer sartin on a counta i aint never used one of them deevices so i kin only speckulate. but i orta have me a lil better idee this time tomorrow, witch i aint shore whuther or not i will git a chants to blog or not.

thays a nuther stage of this process, seems to me, n that is the stage of hope, even hopeless hope: once ye start feelin a lil better, tiz easy to git hopeful that ye kin beat this thang ferever. mayhap that aint possibull, but i am shore thangs kin git better.

one reason ye git to havin hope is how so minny folks gits to showin ye jes how much they keer fer ye, n whenever ye do that, ye know tiz time to count a few blessins. over this past weekend, fer instunts, miz bd had classes all day each day over in man hattan. but i wuznt alone. her sun jack cum by to visit on saturdy n her daughter loretta n her fiancé paddy tuck me out to a late lunch/early dinner, witch mane thang they wonted to do wuz spend a lil time with me. i also gut a call frum my own yungn down in tennessee.

i wood be remiss ifn i dint say that i have also been touched and encouraged by all the kind wurds sent me by folks lack buck frum tête à tête à tête, deb frum sugarfused, red molly frum blue page special, tennessee jed frum tennessee jed, eric frum straight white guy, anne johnson frum the gods are bored and appalachian greens, margot101, realitybasedbob, n probly otherns that i dun missd (please, fergive the oversite!). tiz a true blessin to have such fine folks send ye thar good wishes. i am deeply thankfull fer all the kindness i been showd durin all this.

with that, my mane wish fer everbidy is that yall have yerself a ver good, healthy, happy day!