Friday, December 31, 2004

resolushuns of buddy don: resolved not to resolve

tiz that time of year when ye git the temptayshun to make yer life better, witch ifn ye foller that much, ye git to the point whar ye promiss, sumtimes in a public forum, bout how yer a'gone quit eatin the rong foods n start extercisin n readin good books n goin to church n yew name it. tiz the fashun to make them resolushuns n then keep em fer mayhap three or four weeks n then go back to livin lack normal.

so i wont be makin no resolushuns to speak of ceptn to give thanks all year long fer the minny times god has proved he luvs the undeservin by blessin me. as proof, heres ten of the blessins frum 2004:
  1. gut the luv of my life in my wife, witch she dun gut to wurkin out n reshapin her bidy without a'makin no resolushun atall (n the results is stunnin!)
  2. gut a grate son n two grate step-children, witch the bes news of the year is how each of em has found luv with sum of the bes folks i ever gut to meet
  3. thay wuznt no death in the fambly this year, tho thay wuz a marrg
  4. i made it thru a nuther year on my job
  5. gut a new migraine docter who has been hepful even ifn thays lots left to be figgerd out bout how to avoid the nextn
  6. our bildin is goin frum rental to condo in mid-januwary, witch we hope to by the one we live in
  7. them vols is playin on new years day
  8. new york (n the hole united states) dint git a nuther terrist attack
  9. drunk my furst sangle malt scotch
  10. n thays minny more blessins i caint thank of rite now, witch one of em is how im glad we aint invaded no more cuntries!
me n miz bd will be spendin this evnin together, witch tiz a grate blessin that happens mos ever day. our prayers are with them in south asia thats trine to recover frum that tsunami, witch tiz more than yer mind kin hold to thank of such a thang a'happenin n tiz a gigantick blessin that it dint happen in the atlantick (witch it could happen mos innywhar).

thankee fer droppin by now n then. may yer new year be yer bestn ever!

Thursday, December 23, 2004

pinions of buddy don: intelligents failyer

the bombin in mosel wuz a suicide bombin made possibull by the superior intelligents of the insurgents over the intelligents we have. them insurgents has dun infiltrated iraqis on our side. on a counta how they kin speak bof our langwage n thars n we kin only speak ourn, they git to know jes bout everthang we gut planned n we dont git to know much of nuthin bout who they are, whar they are, nor whut they gut planned.

we dun had so minny intelligents failyers with them weppons of mass distruckshun n ties to al qaeda that dint pass the reality test that ye mite could thank we wood do sumthin bout it, but no matter whut we do, twill be too late for our troops thats dun alreddy dyin fer not havin it.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

mizry of buddy don: nuther day lost to migraines

i dint wurk yesterdy on a counta havin a nuther migraine. this year has been a verr hard one fer migraines, maybe the wurst yet fer me. thangs seemed to be a'goin good after i met dr mauskopf on march 2. i started takin the medicine he give me n dint have much in the way of migraines till the season changed. ye mite could spot a patturn in these migraines:
  • march 28: all day sundy migraine
  • september 18: all day saturdy migraine
  • october 4: mundy migraine, missed wurk
  • october 18-20: mundy till wendsdy migraines, witch dr mauskopf sed twuz artifishull flaver in canned soup that caused the problem (n i dont eat nothin lack that no more)
  • november 14: all day sundy migraine, no vomitin
  • november 21: all day sundy migraine, vomited ever 20 minutes frum 5 am till 9 pm; attack stopped when i tuck a shower, but that never wurked agin
  • november 27: saturdy migraine, witch miz bd had perdickted i wood git one on a counta how the weather changed
  • december 18-19: i started gittin symptums of thisn on fridy n tuck the medicine early, but the migraine wuz wurser on saturdy; by sundy, it seemed lack twuz gone, so i went to wurk on mundy
  • december 20-21: by 1 pm mundy, folks that wurks fer me wuz splainin how i looked as awful as i felt, so i went home; woke up sickern a dog in bout midnite n dint hardly sleep agin till i had to add mitt i wuz sick n tuck my medicine n slept almos all day
so i git back to wurk today n hope i dont git no more migraines this year. i have a pointment fer a full physicull on january 7 n after that, i go back to dr mauskopf to see ifn we caint find sumthin that wurks better.

thang that gits me is how ye caint even be shore tiz migraines thats doggin me. i wuz readin daddys diary tuther day (on the anniversary of his death) n i wuz sprizd by how he dint know whut he had even four weeks befor he died, witch he died frum complicayshuns that started with panchreatick cancer.

i sed sumthin bout readin that to mamma n she cumplained bout how daddy had dun hid most of his symptums. i ast her whut symptums did she mean? she sed he gut to whar he wood vomit all day only he dint let her know till he started turnin yeller, witch by then twuz too late.

i caint hep but hope im on a differnt path.

Monday, December 20, 2004

migraines of buddy don: tiz the season

tiz a sign of how thangs is when ye go thru a weekend of migraines n all ye kin thank to say is how grateful ye are that twuz on a weekend n not durin the week on a counta tiz too deepressin to miss wurk.

on fridy, me n my irish friend tuck the toys fer tots we had colleckted over to drop em off. on the way back, i noticed how the top of my head wuz so tender ye mite could wunder did i scrape it? turnt out to be the beginnin of a weekend migraine sesshun, witch me n miz bd gut to oberve a lot bout how they wurks.

mane thang is, when ye feel that tenderness on yer scalp, yer already in the middle of it.

looks lack tiz a seasonal thang fer me. i dint have a sangle migraine frum march 8 till september 24, but since then, seems lack i dun had one a week. we keep a'gittin crazy weather, n miz bd jes tole me looks lack migraine a cummin in on me jes in time fer christmus. lease i wont miss no wurk!

Friday, December 17, 2004

good times of buddy don: lettin the boss take us to keens

we wuz all a lil sprized n disappointed to larn our boss is a'gone leave the city n go back to californy, witch hes gut real good fambly reasons fer it, but ye hate to lose a good boss.

fack is, he deecided to take me n my irish friend to dinner at keens. shows ye whut a good boss he is. innywho, me n my irish friend deecided we woodnt let him pay fer dinner on a counta he wont be with us much longer. so we tole him we had a lil stop to make at park avenue likker befor we gut to keens but we wood meet him thar.

once we gut settled into seats in our favert room, my irish friend give the waiter a $20 bill n ast him wood he do us a favor, witch we wonted to pay fer the evenin rite up frunt. we also wonted him or sumbidy to cum out whenever our boss ast fer the check n ast wuz he joe blow (made up name)? then he wuz spozed to say a cuple other thangs.

once we had dun tuck keer of that, we gut down to the bizness of tastin sum scotch we hadnt never had befor: bowmore 30 year n lagavulin 12 year (why duz lagavulin 12 year cost so much moren lagavulin 16?) n sume bruichladdich 1984 vintage. they wuz all wonderful, speshly the lagavulin (fer me) n the bowmore (fer my irish friend).

bout the time we had drunk our scotch, our boss showed up, we orderd dinner, had good talk n yew name it. our boss had brung a bottle of sautern, so fer deesert we had a cheese platter n killd the wine. twuz rite nice, a purrfeck endin to a grate evenin.

then over cum the manger of the place to our boss.

'Joe? Joe Blow?' (ye could see the look of cuncern on our boss's face on a counta he figgerd it had to be a call frum his wife bout sum problem. even so, he add mitted to bein the joe blow in questchun.

'We understand you are leaving town, going to California.'

'What? How would you know --'

'Sir, Keens has an offer to make. If you truly will leave town and promise never to return, there will be no charge for the meal.'

'What? I don't know if I can promise that.'

'OK. You can come back for vacations or visits, but not to live, OK?'


by then, we wuz all laffin n he had to add mitt how we had turnt his sprize fer us into a sprize fer him.

twuz a moment ever bit as deelishus as that lagavulin 12 year!

Thursday, December 16, 2004

medicull practices of buddy don: keep a clean nose

my good friend jgb over at geekman wuz a'tellin me bout feelin them cold symptums, so i couldnt resist a'tellin him bout sumthin miz bd discuverd fer us a cuple years ago, witch tiz a lil deevice name of a rhino horn. ye mite coulda herd bout it as a neti pot.

ifn ye foller them lanks, ye a'gone find out how tiz a cuntainer fer water n salt that ye fill up n pore thru yer nostrils n sinuses. furst time ye try it, ye git junk out that coulda been thar fer years.

but heres the best thang bout it: ever since we gut started a'usin it, we aint neethur one of us had no colds. tuther week i woke up with that feelin in my throat that generly means a cold is on its way, so i tuck that rhino horn n loaded it with a lil salt n warm water n even a lil zinc stuff they gut to hep fite off colds n infeckshuns n such. nex thang ye know, that feelin wuz gone n i dint git no cold.

i aint sayin i wont never git no colds agin, but so far, this is the best way of avoidin em i ever found. ye mite wonta try it yer ownself!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

pinions of buddy don: how absoloot moralty becums relativ

one of the arguments i have red in letters to the editor n sum of the pundits is how them with moral values understands how thays a moralty that is not relativ, that is absoloot n never changin.

ye mite could thank yer bible wood fall under that category, but ifn ye have to judge minny of them with moral values by the biblicull injunkshun that 'by their fruits shall ye know them,' then ye gut to wunder whuther sum of them absoloots aint more relativ than not after all. tuther day, i writ a lil piece bout them ten commandments whar i tride to figger how they apply in this modern worl. it tuck more footnotes than commandments n i doubt if i coverd everthang.

so i gut to wunderin bout some of them other absoloots lack the prohibishun agin usury, witch thats lendin money fer intrest. tiz cundemned more times than homosexualty in the bible. ye kin read bout it in Exodus (22:25):
If thou lend money to any of my people that is poor by thee, thou shalt not be to him as an usurer, neither shalt thou lay upon him usury.
. . . in Leviticus (25:37):
Thou shalt not give him thy money upon usury, nor lend him thy victuals for increase
. . . in Deuteronomy (23:19):
Thou shalt not lend upon usury to thy brother; usury of money, usury of victuals, usury of any thing that is lent upon usury
. . . in Psalms (15:5):
He that putteth not out his money to usury, nor taketh reward against the innocent. He that doeth these things shall never be moved
. . . n thays this longer account of it in Ezekiel (18:4-9):
Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die.

But if a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right,

And hath not eaten upon the mountains, neither hath lifted up his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel, neither hath defiled his neighbour's wife, neither hath come near to a menstruous woman,

And hath not oppressed any, but hath restored to the debtor his pledge, hath spoiled none by violence, hath given his bread to the hungry, and hath covered the naked with a garment;

He that hath not given forth upon usury, neither hath taken any increase, that hath withdrawn his hand from iniquity, hath executed true judgment between man and man,

Hath walked in my statutes, and hath kept my judgments, to deal truly; he is just, he shall surely live, saith the Lord GOD
we kin ignore sum of them other absoloots frum this quote that has dun gone over to the relativ side of thangs, yer eatin on the mountains, yer raisin yer eyes to the idols of israel, yer cummin near a menstruatin woman, yer not oppressin inny, yer spoilin nun by violence -- ye kin ignore all these on a counta aint nobidy trine to claim thays still absoloot. fack is, ye gut to:
  • eat on moutains ever so often
  • spoil thisn or thatn by violence (collateral damage is the modern term fer such spoilage)
  • oppress folks now n then (fer thar own good)
  • lie down with yer menstruatin wife ifn ye dont wont her to move out on ye
thang is, the church n christians in generul used to bleeve that twuz a sin to lend fer intrest n fer minny a centry they kept sum jews round the royal famblies of europe sos they could git a loan ever so often.

but times changed n twuz only natcherull how folks wood real eyes yer sin of usury had dun gone frum absolut to relativ moralty, movin frum bein a sin to bein a good way to make a livin. tiz progress fer yer usury! taint no abominayshun no more! taint even much of a sin!

ifn ye need proof, thays this story that cum out in the new york times tuther day, witch ye half to pay to read thar version, but ye kin read bout it in the ocala star banner whar they call it Seeking Quick Loans, Soldiers Race Into High-Interest Traps now thay aint no doubt bout how them with moral values wonts to support them troops, so ye know they woodnt sin agin em ifn twuz still a sin to lend em money fer intrest.

oh i almos fergut bout how they gut this lil sin moved frum absoloot to relativ moralty. they dun it manely by claimin that the absoloot sin of usury wuznt agin intrest but agin chargin too much. but tiz still a puzzle on a counta how, ifn ye read that aritcull bout lendin to our troops, ye git rates as hi as 650% per year.

aint it grate how when sum ole fashund absoloot moralty gits in the way, ye kin jes make it relativ -- n charge whutever the traffick will bear?

no doubt god his ownself looks upon this n add mires us fer how smart we kin be. shorely even he woodnt want no relijun with no absoloot values n moralty to git in the way or makin a livin offn our troops, wood he?

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

pinions of buddy don: amblin thru the preamble

thays this document that everbidy orta read a time or two. heres a bit of it, witch i speck ye kin spot whut tiz:
We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
lets make a lil bullet point list of whut our constitushun is spozed to do fer us:
  • form a more perfect union
  • establish Justice
  • insure domestic Tranquility
  • provide for the common defence
  • promote the general Welfare
  • secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourserves and our Posterity
i lack that lil list a lot, but here lately, seems lack we been livin by thisn insted:i reckon everthang changes, mayhap fer the better? mayhap not.

Monday, December 13, 2004

pinions of buddy don: borryin trouble n payin too much interst

rumor has it that the soshul securty sky is fallin now on counta how tiz a'gone be a bit short by eethur 2042 (mr bush's soshul securty commishun) or 2052 (gao): ifn we dont do nuthin, twill only be able to pay about 80% of current benefits. to keep it fully solvent till the 22nd centry, twood take a whoppin 0.54% of the GDP, or roughly whut wood be paid in ifn thay wuznt no limit on when ye git to quit payin or less than we are payin to defend ourself agin osama bin laden n al qaeda over in iraq, witch at the moment ye git outta payin payroll taxes fer soshul securty on incum over $87,500.

tiz obvious we a'gone half to fix thisn, mayhap the way we dun with falluja: wipe it out so sumthin better kin be bilt.

but since we dont have no smart bombs to go after the most successful fedrul program ever, we a'gone half to git creative with our math: mayhap tiz whut is ment by fuzzy math? lets count up the savins!
  1. now it costs us 1/10th as much to add minister as twood ifn the private program wuz run frum a central locayshun (lack the gummint) or 1/30th as much as twood cost to add minister ifn wall street firms gits to add minister the funds individually: addin in these costs will make it last longer, rite?
  2. then ye gut the cost of payin the benefits to them folks thats dun retired while yer puttin the money that wood normally pay fer them into private accounts fer whenever they retire: say twood cost a trillion or two.
  3. corse, ye gut to pay interst on the $1-$2 trillion
so lets add it all up:
  1. gittin ss to last till end of century with no private accounts:

    cost = current costs + .54% of GDP + cost of add ministrayshun

  2. gittin ss to last till end of centry with private accounts:

    cost = current costs + ($1-$2 trillion + interest on $1-$2 trillion) + (cost of add ministrayshun * 10 or 30, accordin to witch program is used)
now i aint no eggspurt on fuzzy math, but tiz purty clear that we cum out ahed a'usin the secunt method as long as the market keeps a'gone up bettern it has ever dun yet even ifn price to earnings ratios indicate thays gut to be a correckshun at sum point . . . sooner or later, wurser ifn tiz later.

here's my questchun: will we be allowd to opt outta the new fuzzy math program n keep thangs as they are fer now n still git our benefits?

that way, them that wonts to risk thar money in the stock market kin doot while those of us who member how the widespread losses in the stock market back in the 20s led to the deepreshun in the 30s that led to the soshul securty bein created in the furst place -- well, woodnt we be allowd to keep usin the program as is?

or wood we be forced into takin the freedum to invest in stocks?

Friday, December 10, 2004

pinions of buddy don: thars yer story, josephine

me n miz bd has this friend name of josephine, witch she wurks over at the new york times under her real name n i aint a'gone say whut tiz. innywho, whenever she furst gut the job, she wuz coverin foreign events n such, so she pitched em a idee bout a story on dagestan, witch twuz the center of a lotta fitin n terrists n such. she wuz told the story woodnt be no good on a counta, 'Nobody cares about the stans, Josephine,' witch that meant places lack dagestan, afghanistan, pakistan, woodbe kurdistan n such.

corse, turnt out folks wuz about to start givin lots of thought to them stans, furst as a pop quiz questchun that could fool mr bush befor he wuz presdint, then on a counta how them taliban wood take our $43 million in aid but not give up osama bin laden whenever he gut them folks frum saudi arabia to attack us on 9/11. suddenly everbidy keerd bout them stans.

bein the type that wont give up without a fite, josephine kep rite on suggestin stories bout them stans, even befor 9/11, thangs lack how sum them folks we made into freedum fiters under presdint raygun has turnt n gone over tuther side. meanwhile, ye had them taliban folk deestroyin statues n such, so whenever she wonted to talk bout them freedum fiters a'goin bad, she wuz told bout them statues. basickly whut that tole her wuz, 'thars yer story, josephine.'

fer me n miz bd, them statements has becum household classicks. dependin on the latest news, miz bd mite say, 'nobidy keers bout the stans, josephine.' but our favert is 'thars yer story, josephine.'

innywho, i wuz struck by how whenever that soljer frum tennessee stood up to ast mr rumsfeld why hadnt they been give a nuff armor fer thar vehiculls, mr rumsfeld sed twuznt a matter of money or lack of deesire to make shore our troops have whut they need, but twuz a matter of physicks.

bout as quick as i herd that, i sed, 'thars yer story, josephine' on a counta how i dint know befor that bout thar bein sumthin in physicks to keep ye frum bildin moren 400 of them trucks a munth. seems to me lack that sez lots bout physicks that i dint know befor n woodnt that be big news?

but thay wuznt hardly nuthin sed bout it in the news, not even in the new york times, so i figgerd mayhap twuz a simple matter: physicks wuz on the run n faith wuz on the march on a counta who needs physicks ifn ye gut faith to tell ye everthang ye need to know? could be that aint news to most folks n i wuz jes not payin proper tenchun.

but turnt out physicks wuznt a hole lot easier to beat than mr rumsfeld let on, witch i figgerd thatn out whenever i saw this here story in the boston globe name of Company says vehicle orders waiting for OK. turns out physicks kin be beat after all, but the pentagon hasnt made up thar mind how much they wonta test physicks. so they aint made no order.

but heres yer story, josephine. that thar cumpny claims thay kin beat up physicks to the tune of 550 vehiculls a munth! n they even claim ye could git more ifn sumbidy wood pay fer addishunal perduckshun lines! here's a cuple of thar claims bout how they could beat physics:
Army officials, speaking on condition of anonymity, acknowledged yesterday that they have not approved new purchase orders for armored trucks, despite the company's readiness to produce more. They said the Pentagon has been debating how many more armored Humvees are needed.

Rumsfeld, questioned by soldiers in Kuwait on Wednesday who said they have had to pick through landfills for scrap metal to boost vehicle protection, said the Army was working as quickly at it could to get armored Humvees to the front. It is "a matter of physics, not a matter of money," Rumsfeld said, adding that the Army was "breaking its neck." President Bush yesterday reiterated that "the concerns expressed are being addressed."

But executives at Armor Holdings in Jacksonville, Fla., as well as Army officials and members of Congress, said Rumsfeld's assertion that the protective equipment is being provided as quickly as possible is not true and added the company has been waiting for more purchase orders.

"We're prepared to build 50 to 100 vehicles more per month," Robert Mecredy, head of Armor Holdings' aerospace and defense unit, said in a statement. The company is producing about 450 armored Humvees per month, up from 50 in late 2003, when a sudden surge of attacks in Iraq exposed a lack of protective armor.
The company says that by February it could be producing as many as 550 fully armored Humvees per month -- with armor plates on the sides, front, rear, top, and bottom -- if given the go-ahead. The company estimated it would cost the military about $150 million a year to pay for the additional 100 vehicles per month.

The company said it also told the Army it could add new production lines and turn out even more vehicles.

More than half of the roughly 1,200 US soldiers who have died in Iraq have been killed by roadside bombs or in ambushes from rocket-propelled grenades. A lack of armor on thousands of older vehicles has been blamed for many of the deaths.
i reckun tiz a good thang taint physicks a'standin in the way, but that makes me kindly wunder bout a nuther thang: ifn taint physicks a'standin in the way, whut could it be?

thars yer story, josephine!

Thursday, December 09, 2004

pinions of buddy don: have we dun give up the battle fer harts n minds?

back in december of 2003, i writ a lil articull name of ye caint win harts n minds with bullets. twuz my claim then n tiz my claim now that this here battle we been a'fitin over thar in iraq aint one ye win by killin the most nor by deestroyin the most cities n bildins n such. how kin it be ifn we really are serious bout settin up a demockrussy fer em since ifn we aint won thar harts n minds to our side, thay a'gone vote us out, ifn thar allowd to vote however they wont.

now cum this report frum the pentagon sayin how we dun give up inny hope fer winnin harts n minds. ifn ye dont wonta downlode the hole thang, ye kin read bout it in a cuple of articulls:corse, the story aint brand new. here's a articull bout a nuther pentagon report frum a year earlier: Troubling Report from the Pentagon

mayhap condi should read sum bullet points frum these here reports to mr bush on a counta he still thanks they hate us on a counta how we gut freedum n wonta give it to them, whuther they wont it or not. i caint put his wurds inny bettern he dun in that same articull:
Bush declared the Fallujah campaign a success, saying, "We have dealt the enemy a severe blow."

But he warned that troops will see more attacks and, without saying it explicitly, more losses as Iraq's Jan. 30 elections approach.

"The enemies of freedom in Iraq have been wounded, but they're not yet defeated," the president said. "We can expect further violence from the terrorists. ... The terrorists will do all they can to delay and disrupt free elections in Iraq. And they will fail."

Bush promised, as he has repeatedly over recent days, that the elections "will proceed as planned."
tiz good to know everthangs goin accordin to plan!

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

pinions of buddy don: ten commandments eggsplained in footnotes

i noticed tuther day how aint hardly nobidy that still bleeves in the ten commandments the way they wuz furst writ. i gut to studyin the matter n cum to real eyes how them commandments is ok fer starters, but to fit the modern day moral values of amurka, they need em a few footnotes, lease eight of em by my count. furst, fer them amung ye thats dun fergot em, here they be, frum exodus chaptur 20, versus 3-17:
  1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.(1)
  2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.(2) Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
  3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.(3)
  4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.(4)
  5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
  6. Thou shalt not kill.(5)
  7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
  8. Thou shalt not steal.(6)
  9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.(7)
  10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.(8)
    (1) unless said other god happens to be:
    • your country, in which case god shall step aside and let the country be acknowledged first, at least when it is being attacked by some other country or afraid that some other country might someday have the means, motive and opportunity to attack, thus suspending for all combatants any other commandments that might conflict with the needs of the country
    • your company, which you will serve without question so long as you wish to have income from said company, especially if your company is under attack from government regulators, market forces, or competition from other companies, in which case god shall step aside and all other commandments that might conflict with the needs of your company will be suspended so long as your actions are taken in support of said company
    • your fraternity, sorority, country club, investment club, chamber of commerce, elks, masons, or other exclusive organization that requires, for purposes of being accepted or maintaining membership in good standing, participation in actions that might be construed as being in conflict with one or more of the commandments; in such special circumstances, god shall step aside and some or all of the commandments shall be temporarily suspended so that loyalty to the precepts and principles of said fraternity, sorority, country club, investment club, chamber of commerce, elks, masons, or other exclusive organization may be obeyed and respected without concern about or pangs of conscience over any conflict with any commandment that would otherwise have been in effect
    • your party, interest group, lobbyist organization, foundation of experts, or other organization designed to advance any political cause whatsoever so long as said party, interest group, lobbyist organization, foundation of experts, or other organization designed to advance any political cause whatsoever shall be shown to be in competition with any other party, interest group, lobbyist organization, foundation of experts, or other organization designed to advance any political cause whatsoever, under which special circumstances god shall step aside and all conflicting commandments shall be suspended so long as necessary to insure that your party, interest group, lobbyist organization, foundation of experts, or other organization designed to advance any political cause whatsoever can compete
    • any other entity whose membership requirements might in any way be construed to be in conflict with the commandments listed above, in which case god shall step aside and all conflicting commandments shall be suspended so long as necessary to allow you to continue enjoying said other entity
    • money or any other symbol of monetary value, be it stock, bond, option, copyright, patent, trademark, or any other entity, symbol, or thing that could be construed to have monetary value in any known or yet to be discovered universe
    (2) unless said graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth should act as:
    • logo, flag, symbol or representative of any entity described in footnote one
    • image necessary to provide any form of entertainment, be it movie, television, magazine, poster, fine art painting, or any other likeness that could generate income or human interest
    • family memento such as any photo, painting, water color, fingerpaint, or any other likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth so long as said photo, painting, water color, fingerpaint, or any other likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth be something the family, in whole or in part, enjoys, tolerates, or tapes onto a refrigerator
    • anything else that is not any other graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth that anyone wants to use for any purpose whatsoever since the plain fact is that the world no longer needs or respects or has any plan whatsoever to honor this particular commandment
    (3) note that since nobody actually knows god's name any longer, this commandment only applies if someone figures it out again; in other words, this one is a freebie

    (4) unless the purpose of not honoring said sabbath day should involve one or more of the following activities:
    • generating income or pursuing any other activity for any organization covered under footnote (1) above
    • attending sports contests or watching them on tv
    • doing any other thing under which this commandment might be construed as being applicable
    (5) unless said killing is covered under one of the following excuses for killing anyway:
    • collateral damage
    • war
    • execution(s) of individual(s) other humans have judged worthy of death
    (6) unless said theft occurs on a very grand scale, such as gaming the energy grid to generate profits for your company (see footnote (1) above), robbing the pension funds of your company, union, or any other organization with funds you have been entrusted to protect, or otherwise participating in actions that reallocate the funds of those less worthy to your bank account and so long as said theft occurs on a grand scale worthy of enron -- just don't rob a liquor store or remove anyone's hubcaps!

    (7) unless said bearing of false witness should prove useful in any of the following activities:
    • invasion of another country in order to prevent them from using weapons of mass destructions, that is, to prevent them from collaborating with your enemies, rather, that is to bring them freedom and democracy, whether they want it or not
    • persuasion of gullible individuals to make purchases of items they don't need
    • sliming your political opponent, in which case any lie, falsehood, misinterpretation of anything he/she ever said, wrote, or did, or other form of bearing false witness shall lead to god stepping aside and said bearing of false witness allowed
    • anything else that might, if successful, lead to the generation of profit, income, revenue or any other value in this and all other known universes and in any universe yet to be discovered
    (8) unless said coveting leads to working harder to obtain more things and thus make the economy grow.

    Monday, December 06, 2004

    pinions of buddy don: a terrbull dream

    whut a awful dream i had last nite! turnt out iran gut thar bomb made n tested n it jes so happend our hole army wuz all bogged down overn iraq. so we gut israel to go take out sum places in iran whar we thought them iranians had put them new dedly weppons. nex thang i know, i wuz readin a hedline name of worl war three. i woke up in a cold sweat. then i read bout how al qaeda, witch ye mite coulda read how thar dun 75% wiped out, how they dun attacked our consulate in jedda.

    corse, ifn ye caint cuntrol them terrists in a dictatorship lack saudi arabia, whar kin ye cuntrol em? tiz a good thang they dun agreed to sit still fer us to attack em over thar n not cum over here to attack us no more! saves a lotta money we might coulda wasted on dee-fense. tiz a wunder ye kin git terrists to agree to keep the fite over thar, but that jes goes to show ye how them terrists aint nearly as smart as folks give em credit fer, witch i half to add mitt i am glad they stick to thar bargain!

    Friday, December 03, 2004

    pinions of buddy don: tiz payback time!

    i wurk on wall street at one of the bigger firms. lack mos of em, our firm give bushel baskets of money to the bush camp pain, tho thay wuz plenty of individual bankers that give money to the kerry camp pain.

    yesterdy one of my friends at wurk brung me a lil graph he had found showin the incum predickshuns fer our firm once they git to privatizin soshul securty.

    tiz hard to git the math to wurk out (is this whut they mean by fuzzy math?) on a counta rite now, ye dont need to pay no wall street firm nuthin to git yer benefits.

    also, since 1983, we dun been payin in more than it takes to pay the benefits. we wuz tricked into doon this by mr greenspan n mr raygun. the idee wuz that the exter money wood be put into sum kinda trust fund account sos twood be thar whenever the baby boomer retirees needed moren wuz bein paid in by the younger folks.

    but that money wuznt put in no trust fund. twuz used to make the fedrul deficits look lowern thay really is. all we gut fer all that exter taxayshun wuz a bunch of i.o.u.s that the gummint seems to thank it caint pay off.

    so they figger the problem kin be solved by borryin money (at 3%? 4%? 5%?) sos younger folk kin put it into the stock market fer a return (3%? 5%? 7%?) that will let thar money grow n still pay them broker fees (2%? 3%? 5%?).

    so makin the hole program cost more is a'gone make it cost less n save it?

    i add mitt how i caint understand thisn. back in college, my math professor tride to git me to major in math on a counta how he figgerd i had a grate mind fer it, but to me, twuz borin. mayhap ifn i hadda tuck his add vice, i wood understand how increasin a programs costs kin make it cheaper n more profitabull (fer the investor, not the wall street firm).

    so them big banks lack mine is plannin on gittin thar payback fer givin to mr bushs camp pain. us lil ole folks will git reduced benefits. them lil young folks will git to pay exter to put thar money in stocks. aint that the anser? n our gummint kin borry a bunch of money n pertend lack it aint part of the budget, usin creative accountin lack enron showed us wurks so well.

    corse, tiz a verr profitabull plan fer my firm n long as ima wurkin thar, i orta do purty good. but when i retire? ima gone git reduced benefits even tho i been a'payin in fer nigh onto 35 year.

    mayhap they kin git mr frist to splain how ye kin count on the stock market to pay yer bills.

    Thursday, December 02, 2004

    confushun of buddy don: is lying moral now?

    i half to add mitt i am amung the folks in this cuntry that ye mite wonta call 'values challenged' on a counta how i dont understand when yer allowed to be immoral fer sum kinda moral reason.

    kindly reminds me of them arguments back when the communists wuz threatenin to take over the worl. lots of folks who figgerd communism wuz ok wood argue that the abuses of totalitaryun states wuz the means necessary to acheeve a just society with a equitabull distribushun of the wealth. in them days, they argument wuz how 'the ends justifies the means.' twuz attacked by the good guys on our side, ritely so, since ifn yer means wuz evil, yer ends dint matter.

    i musta been asleep whenever that line of argument wuz disproovd on a counta how tiz now ok to use immoralty to support moral ends. fer proof, i offer this articull frum the washington post name of Some Abstinence Programs Mislead Teens, Report Says.

    everbidy knows folks orta not have sex till they git marrd. so thays a bunch of folks that wonts to keep unmarried kids frum knowin how to have safe sex on a counta that mite make em thank twuz ok to have sex befor a'gittin marrd. so the lucky thang is how our nex generayshun dont half to be burdend by understandin how condums really wurk or how safe aborshun is (or not) or how minny young gay folks really has aids.

    good way to cunvints em not to try havin sex is to lie to em. witch i reckun the lie aint as importunt a sin as twuz back whenever it made the top ten fer moses on the ten commandments. now our grate moral leaders have figgerd how tiz wurser to have sex befor yer marrd than tiz to tell lies.

    corse once ye make up yer mind tiz ok to lie fer one good reason, aint no reason not to lie fer two of em, witch everbidy knows how we gut to do sumthin to cunvints folks not to be commitin the murder of aborshun. heres a few of them lies they dun been a'tellin our younguns sos to keep em frum sin:
    • A 43-day-old fetus is a "thinking person."
    • HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, can be spread via sweat and tears
    • Condoms fail to prevent HIV transmission as often as 31 percent of the time in heterosexual intercourse
    • One curriculum, called "Me, My World, My Future," teaches that women who have an abortion "are more prone to suicide" and that as many as 10 percent of them become sterile. This contradicts the 2001 edition of a standard obstetrics textbook that says fertility is not affected by elective abortion, the Waxman report said
    • Abortion can lead to sterility and suicide
    • Half the gay male teenagers in the United States have tested positive for the AIDS virus
    • Touching a person's genitals "can result in pregnancy"
    everone of them lies has dun been disproovd by the verr same gummint thats payin $170 millions of our tax dollars to tell em.

    i had herd that thar wuz a moralty that wuz absolute, that dint change with time n fashun. i guess at lease one of them ten commandments dint proov out to be part of that absolute moralty.

    taint no wunder how i caint understand moralty n values no more. mayhap sumbidy kin splain it to me? ye kin send me a email of leave a comment. i am verr confusd on thisn. thankee.

    Wednesday, December 01, 2004

    frustrayshun of buddy don: blogger ailments

    i aint gonna spend too much time wurkin on today's post on a counta how blogger is havin troubles. tiz a sprize i gut in finely. ifn i wuz a'gone rite, i wood be ritin bout the insurgentsy in iraq n how whenever ye have a insurgentsy, ye gut to have a populayshun that supports em. ifn ye do, ever time ye attack them insurgents, ye git more. thays two skools of thought on thisn:
    • conservatives bleeve thars a set number of bad guys n once ye git em, yer dun with the insurgentsy. tiz a good theory, but lack lots of theoreticull solushuns to reality-based problems, it dont wurk the way tiz splaind.
    • tuther view is whut libruls tends to bleeve, witch no matter how minny insurgents ye kill, ye still gut more after the killin than ye did befor on a counta how folks aint all good or bad n kin be cunvintsed to swap sides. also, when a cuntry gits invaded, whuther the reasons wuz goodns or not, thays a bunch of local folks that bleeves tiz thar duty to force the invaders to git out n they are willin to put thar lives on the line fer it.
    befor blogger crashes, heres a articull bout one insurgent frum the frunt page of the washington post name of After Fallujah, Son Is Gone but Fervor Remains; Father Who Left Reluctantly Waits to Fight Another Day bout one of them insurgents who bleeves hes doon gods will by defendin his cuntry agin the invaders. tiz a chillin read. ifn yer still avoidin reports frum the reality-based folks, then dont read it!

    Tuesday, November 30, 2004

    pinions of buddy don: whar is all our good news frum iraq?

    tiz commonly sed by mr bush n members of his addministrayshun that the media dont report the good news frum iraq. mr bush is ownself sed, "We're making good progress in Iraq. Sometimes it's hard to tell it when you listen to the filter."

    i half to add mitt i aint red much good news frum thar in the longest. could it be jes a nuther case of media bias a'filtern out all the good news?

    ye mite could thank so. fer instunts, why aint we seein pitchers of skools n hospitulls n power generayshun facilties n sewers n replacements fer all the bildins that wuz bombed in order to liverate them iraqis -- why aint we seein film on the evenin news of such thangs bein bilt? whars the kids playin baseball games with soljers, witch lease we gut that much frum afghanistan befor they gut back to thar bizness of growin poppies fer the heroin trade.

    whilst i wuz trine to figger thisn out, i run across a famus email writ by a woman name of Farnaz Fassihi, witch shes one of them jurnalist over thar who aint a'givin us all that good news we wonta see. but she writ out her eggscuse n ye kin deecide fer yer ownself whuther shes jes filtern out the news by readin her eggscuse fer not gittin us the good news we need:
    Being a foreign correspondent in Baghdad these days is like being under virtual house arrest. Forget about the reasons that lured me to this job: a chance to see the world, explore the exotic, meet new people in far away lands, discover their ways and tell stories that could make a difference.

    Little by little, day-by-day, being based in Iraq has defied all those reasons. I am house bound. I leave when I have a very good reason to and a scheduled interview. I avoid going to people's homes and never walk in the streets. I can't go grocery shopping any more, can't eat in restaurants, can't strike a conversation with strangers, can't look for stories, can't drive in any thing but a full armored car, can't go to scenes of breaking news stories, can't be stuck in traffic, can't speak English outside, can't take a road trip, can't say I'm an American, can't linger at checkpoints, can't be curious about what people are saying, doing, feeling. And can't and can't. There has been one too many close calls, including a car bomb so near our house that it blew out all the windows. So now my most pressing concern every day is not to write a kick-ass story but to stay alive and make sure our Iraqi employees stay alive. In Baghdad I am a security personnel first, a reporter second.

    It's hard to pinpoint when the 'turning point' exactly began. Was it April when Fallujah fell out of the grasp of the Americans? Was it when Moqtada and Jish Mahdi declared war on the U.S. military? Was it when Sadr City, home to ten percent of Iraq's population, became a nightly battlefield for the Americans? Or was it when the insurgency began spreading from isolated pockets in the Sunni triangle to include most of Iraq? Despite President Bush's rosy assessments, Iraq remains a disaster. If under Saddam it was a 'potential' threat, under the Americans it has been transformed to 'imminent and active threat,' a foreign policy failure bound to haunt the United States for decades to come.

    Iraqis like to call this mess 'the situation.' When asked 'how are things?' they reply: 'the situation is very bad."

    What they mean by situation is this: the Iraqi government doesn't control most Iraqi cities, there are several car bombs going off each day around the country killing and injuring scores of innocent people, the country's roads are becoming impassable and littered by hundreds of landmines and explosive devices aimed to kill American soldiers, there are assassinations, kidnappings and beheadings. The situation, basically, means a raging barbaric guerilla war. In four days, 110 people died and over 300 got injured in Baghdad alone. The numbers are so shocking that the ministry of health -- which was attempting an exercise of public transparency by releasing the numbers -- has now stopped disclosing them.

    Insurgents now attack Americans 87 times a day.
    tiz purty obveeus that this reporter has dun gone over to tuther side, the side of pessimism n doubt. why caint they send sum of them braver reporters over thar to git the real stories n good news? why caint they send braver jurnlists lack charles krauthammer, ann coulter, joe scarborough, rush limbaugh, sean hannity, bill o'reilly, cal thomas, tony blankley, david brooks, william kristol, etc, etc, etc? woodnt they be able to git us sum pitchers of all that good news thats a'goin on?

    corse, ye kin dream bout miraculls, but they aint too lackly to cum true.

    so till then, i reckun we gone half to live with nuthin but bad news. fer instunts, kin ye bleeve that thar librul new york times wood cum out with a story lack U.S. Officials Say Iraq's Forces Founder Under Rebel Assaults?

    is they trine to undermine our troops? why wood they be claimin that them iraqi troops aint inny good? dont they know that ye caint git much frum folks ye insult?

    n these aint yer average insults! insted, thar insultin them iraqi soljers n po-leecemen by callin em cowards n sayin that they let tharself git intimidated by car bombs n execushuns of other iraqi po-leecemen n soljers. they claim they deesert thar posts when attacked, that they dun been infiltrated by the insurgents, whoever they is, that they caint even be trusted not to shoot our own troops, witch our troops has dun been told to be keerful n duck n cover whenever they gut them iraqi allies at thar back.

    these is sum greevous insults. that bit bout infiltrashun n layin down thar guns n lettin the insurgents git thar weppons: aint all that sum kinda treason?

    so cum on now. lets git our bravest jurnlists over thar, our rushes n seans n anns n bills n such lack. go git us sum good news, even ifn ye half to make it up . . . oh thats rite! how could i fergit: they been a'makin up good news bout iraq frum the safety n cumfert of thar safe haven here in the states all along! such courage! tiz its own reward, no?

    but why cain they git us no pitchers of all that good news thar a'makin up? a lil film of kids a'studyin in a brand new skool whar everthang wurks? folks a'walkin the streets of bagdad as if they wuz really free? picnics n children playin n crowds at soccer matches n such? kin ye magine whut a sensayshun twood be to show sum of that good footage thats bein filterd out?

    if only they could do that! twood show them pessimists! better, twood shut up all them librul types once n fer all!

    Monday, November 29, 2004

    pinions of buddy don: unpleasunt facks

    face the facks: we dont lack bad news. even ifn the bad news is jes whut we need to make the rite deecishun, folks jes dont lack to git bad news.

    thays minny eggzamples of this problem, my own daddy bein a purrfeckly sad one. he wuz a verr stoick feller, dint lack to go to no docters nor git speshul treetment nor nuthin lack that. whenever he cum back frum worl war two, witch he wuz a marine corps raider n saw lots of his brothers fall, he went up into the cumberland moutains n dint cum out fer weeks, jes a'livin on the land in the ruffest of circumstantses.

    twernt on a counta his hatin bad news that he dint go to the docters much. twuz on a counta how he bleeved most ailments folks cumplains about is thangs thats only in yer hed. he figgerd sum of the medicin docters give ye ackshly duz more harm than good. so he hated to go n wood git thru mos innythang by jes tuffin it out. he dint stay home frum wurk much even when he had a cold or flu or even when he wuz a'runnin a fever.

    he passed on in 1996, dyin of renal failure only the reel problem wuz sumthin that had dun started a long time befor that. he had been havin sum pains n sum nausea, but he kep it hid frum mama longs he could. by the time she gut him to see the docters, twuz a lil too late. he had dun had cancer of his gall bladder, witch they could take that out all rite, but problem wuz how it had dun spread to his pancreas, n thay aint much them docters kin do fer that.

    twuz sum reel bad news to here n by the time we had dun herd it, twuz too late to do nuthin fer im but try to make his death as easy as possibull. twuznt to be easy, tho. n thats all on a counta hot havin the facks he needed in time.

    we gut us a simlar situwayshun a'gone on in our cuntry. we dont lack to read bad news nor watch in on tv n sints thonly thang we really seem to keer bout is profit n sints profit deepends on ratins, thay aint no profit in reportin the bad news. knowin he had cancer two years befor he died wooda been very upsettin, but ifn he hadda knowd bout it, he mite could have dun lived thru till he gut well agin.

    in our cuntry, we are havin the same kinda problem. we dont wonta here no bad news frum iraq. corse, we dont have no censorship here, lease not by the gummint add mittin to cuntrollin the news, but do we need it ifn our news organizayshuns is willin to censor thar ownself? reminds me of a remark made by a feller name of walter hale hamilton. he sed sumthin back in the 1930s that is scary to read today:
    This private control and formal independence from the government is the genius of the current media system. Clearly, it is superior to, and more refined than, the flawed Goebbels model as an engine of social control. As Meiklejohn’s mentor, Walter Hale Hamilton, put it in the 1930s: "Business succeeds rather better than the state in imposing restraints upon individuals, because its imperatives are disguised as choices." So it is, in the past decade, that the number of working journalists has been cut, that the foreign bureaus of U.S. media firms have been shut down, that the content of the media has been shaded to suit the needs of the owners, the advertisers, and the business community in general. Had these things occurred as the result of government edicts, it would have been regarded as a gross violation of the First Amendment, perhaps precipitating the worst constitutional crisis since the U.S. Civil War. Watergate, by comparison, would have looked like a day at the beach.
    michael massing has a articull on this verr topick in the december 16 issue of the new york review of books. ye orta read it fer yer ownself, only ye wood half to buy a copy since it aint online. but tiz wurth the $4.50 ye wood half to spend jes fer that one articull on a counta how he eggsplains all the news we aint a'gittin frum over thar. ifn we wuz a'gittin it, we woodnt feel so comfy bout the war. the articull is long, so ye orta read the hole thang, but heres a cuple of the points he makes. fer one thang, he shows bout the self-censorship of the press:
    Another reason why news organizations don't write about such matters is suggested in the recenly released DVD version of Michael Moore's movie Fahrenheit 9/11. It contains as an added feature an interview with Urban Hamid, a Swedish journalist who in late 2003 accompanied an American platoon on a raid in Samarra. Hamid's experience was similar to Nir Rosen's, with the difference that he caught it on tape. In it, we see soldiers using an armored personnel carrier to break down the gates of a house. We see the soldiers rush in with their rifles pointed ahead, and terrified women rushing out. An elderly man on crutches is rousted up and a plastic bag is placed over his head. The soldiers go through the family documents, trying to determine if this man is connected with the insurgency, but because they don't speak Arabic they can't really tell. Nonetheless, they take him to a detention center, where he joins dozens of others, their heads all sheathed in plastic. Celebrating the arrests, the soldiers take pictures of one another with their "trophies." One soldier admits that he's surprised they didn't find more weapons. "The sad thing for these guys is that we'll probably let them go because their names don't match up," he says.

    In the interview, Hamid says he asked many Iraqis if they'd heard of things like this, and they all told him "of course." "It's preposterous," he says, "to think there is any way you win somebody's hearts and minds by imposing such a criminal and horrible policy." Hamie says that he tried to sell his tape to the "Swedish media" but got no response. He then approached the "American media," with the same result. "It's obvious," he says, "that the mainstream media exercise some kind of self-censorship in which people know that this is a hot potato and don't touch it, because you're going to get burned."
    of corse, sum of the censorin is dun with hep frum the gummint. heres the bit bout Nir Rosen that mr massing mentchuns in the quote:
    One journalist who has seen this firsthand is Nir Rosen. A twenty-seven-year-old American freelance reporter, Rosen speaks Arabic (a rare skill among Western reporters in Iraq), has a dark complexion (allowing him to mix more easily with Iraqis), and prefers when in Iraq to hang out with locals rather than with other journalists. (In the late spring, he managed to get inside Falluja at a time when it was a death trap for Western reporters; he described his chilling findings in the July 5 issue of The New Yorker.) Seeing Iraq from the perspective of the Iraqis, Rosen got a glimpse of how persistently and routinely American actions alienated them. "People have to wait three hours in a traffic jam because a US army convoy is going by," he notes. "Guns are pointed at you wherever you go. People are constantly shouting at you. Concrete walls are everywhere. Violence is everywhere."

    In October 2003, Rosen spent two weeks embedded with a US Army unit near the Syrian border. In sweeps through neighborhoods, he said, the Americans used Israeli-style tactics—making mass arrests in the hope that one or two of those scooped up will have something useful for them. "They'll hold them for ten hours in a truck without food or water," he told me. "And 90 percent of them are innocent." Writing of his experience in Reason magazine, Rosen described how a unit he accompanied on a raid broke down the door of a house of a man they suspected of dealin in arms. When the man, named Ayoub, did not immediately respond to their orders, they shot him with nonlethal bullets. "The floor of the house was covered with his blood," Rosen wrote. "He was dragged into a room and interrogated forcefully as his family was pushed back against their garden's fence."

    Ayoub's frail mother, he continued, pleaded with the interrogating soldier to spare her son's life, protesting his innocence:
    He pushed her to the grass along with Ayoub's four girls and two boys, all small, and his wife. They squatted barefoot, creaming, their eyes wide open in terror, clutching one another as soldiers emerged with bags full of documents, photo albums and two compact discs with Saddam Hussein and his cronies on the cover. These CDs, called The Crimes of Saddam, are common on every Iraqi street and, as their title suggests, they were not made by Saddam supporters. But the soldiers couldn't read Arabic and saw only the picture of Saddam, which was proof enough of guilt. Ayoub was brought out and pushed on to the truck.
    After holding Ayoub for several hours in a detention center, the soldiers determined that he was innocent, and they later let him go.

    Rosen believes that such encounters are common. The American soldiers he saw "treat everybody as the enemy," he said, adding that they can be very abusive and violent. "If you're a boy and see soldiers beating the shit out of your father, how can you not hate the Americans?" He added: "Why doesn't anybody write about this in The New York Times or The Washington Post? The AP always has people embedded—why don't they write about it?"

    One reason, he suggests, is that embedded journalists who write negatively about the US military find themselves "blacklisted." It happened to Rosen: a series of stories he wrote for Asia Times about his experience while embedded elicited an angry letter from the commander and the public affairs officer of the unit he accompanied, and he has not bee allowed to beocme embedded since. Other correspondents told me of similar experiences.
    ye probly dun red bout how kevin sites has been threatend on a counta doin his job whenever he wuz a'carryin the camera that wuz runnin when that marine in falluja shot the injured insurgent. folks ack lack he is part of the enemy? he wuz shootin with a camera, not a gun, but thar blamin him (btw, i caint judge that thar marine on a counta i coulda been so made to whar i wooda dun the same thang he dun, witch that dont make it rite, but im jes sayin tiz a verr hard thang to figger on a counta how them marines had dun run into booby-trapped bodies befor they gut thar). ye mite even thank tiz the librul media trine to brang down them publicans ifn ye ever see these kinda thangs on tv. but ye aint lackly too since thays no profit in it.

    long time after daddy had dun died n been buried out on edgemont road, i ast a docter i knew whuther he mite coulda been saved ifn he had known the truth bout whut he had. feller tole me he woodnt lie to me n that ifn daddy dun had cancer in his pancreas, he wood mos lackly have sufferd horribull thangs n then died bout the same time. but ifn they had discoverd it, they mite coulda saved him befor the cancer had spread. thays a lotta wooda, shoulda, coulda talk ye here after sumbidy is ded. ye caint tell fer sartin, but knowin the awful truth mite coulda hepped him. we wont never know now since he dint git it n died.

    i hope we git better results frum not knowin the truth bout whut is bein dun in our name over in iraq.

    Friday, November 26, 2004

    blessins of buddy don: how bout them apples?

    befor i could even git the furst blessin counted this mornin, i run across this here story writ by a feller name of Thomas E. Ricks, witch he dun got hisself em bedded over with our troops in iraq. turnt out he dun whut i reckommended back on october 28, 2003, witch whut i sed a bidy orta do is read T. E. Lawrences book name of Seven Pillars of Wisdom. once he dun it, he writ this articull name of Lessons of Arabia n gut it published in the washington post.

    heres a lil snippet sos ye kin see why ye orta go read it fer yer ownself:
    Let me emphatically state here that I am not likening the cause of the Iraqi insurgents to that of Arab rebels against the Turks. I was reading this as a tactical manual of military operations against another military, not of terrorist attacks on civilians.

    In those terms, the tactics employed by Lawrence and his Arab tribesmen were strikingly similar to those used against U.S. forces today in Iraq. American truck convoys constantly come under attack, sometimes by rocket-propelled grenades but most often by anonymous roadside bombs. Likewise, for most of his war, Lawrence wasn't interested in direct confrontations with the Turkish military. Rather, he strove to avoid the set-piece slugfests that Western militaries -- and Western journalists -- tend to think of as the essence of war, such as the recent battle in Fallujah. He relentlessly chipped away at the railroad that supplied Turkish forces deployed deep in what is now Jordan and Saudi Arabia, dropping rail bridges and blowing up locomotives.

    "Ours should be a war of detachment, . . . of never engaging the enemy," he writes in explaining his concept of operations. At another point, he comments, "Ours were battles of minutes."

    When I read his description of why he thought his outgunned, outmanned, unsophisticated force could prevail, a chill ran down my spine. His rebellion, he wrote, faced "a sophisticated alien enemy, disposed as an army of occupation in an area greater than could be dominated effectively from fortified posts." Meanwhile, his side was supported by "a friendly population, of which some two in the hundred were active, and the rest quietly sympathetic to the point of not betraying the movements of the minority."

    He also came to understand that in waging or countering an insurgency, the prize is psychological, not physical. At one point, he notes in an aside, while waiting for reinforcements "we could do little but think -- yet that . . . was the essential process."
    whenever i wuz lil n mama tole me sumthin sprizin, she wood ast 'how bout them apples?' twuz a way of sayin, 'bet ye never speckted that to happen, did ye?'

    i wuz bout gittin to whar i dint speck nobidy to read that thar book n talk bout it, but now i kin ast that questchun how bout them apples?

    Thursday, November 25, 2004

    blessins of buddy don: them yunguns

    theys fixin us thanksigivin dinner n told us we dint need to brang nuthin ceptn our empty bellies. nuff sed.

    corse we gone brang em sum sangle malt.

    Wednesday, November 24, 2004

    blessins of buddy don: thanks fer livin here

    in keepin with this week of thanksgivin, today i wood lack to give thanks fer the fack that i am stuck a'livin up here in the new york metropoltun area. thays minny a sackrifice a person has to make to live here, but ye git repayment. or to put it a nuther way, thays a reason so minny folks wonts to live up in here. since i been a'givin thanks fer grate scotches at good prices the past cuple days, today tiz time to give thanks fer grate places to buy good scotches, even ifn they mite cum at hi prices. no doubt thays more places than i know bout, but whenever me n miz bd find out bout a new'un, i keep addin em to the list. heres whut i gut so far:
    1. park avenue liquor store -- tiz one of the worls best places to find all kinds of sangle malt scotches. ye kin spend over $5,000 fer jes one bottle of macallans thar, witch they gut em a colleckshun of macallan vintages frum years as far back as the 30s. they gut em over 200 differnt kinds n sum of em ye caint git no whars else. fer instunts, they had em a speshul bottlin of a laphroaig unchillfiltered sangle cask malt that has got to be one of the bes three we ever tasted, n we dun gut a list of bout 100 we tasted. twuz bottled jes fer that thar likker store, so ye caint git it nowhars else.
    2. astor places wines n liquors -- taint got as minny choices as park avenue, but sum of thar thangs is cheaper.
    3. warehouse wines n spirits -- bes place in town to git a wide variety of standurd stuff at incredible prices.
    4. crossroads wines n liquors -- thisn dont have much, but whut they gut is even cheapern whut ye find at warehouse.
    corse, ye gut plenty of places in town to git ye a drank by the glass n sum of em has good colleckshuns of sangle malt scotches, three in particlar:
    1. keens. dun writ bout it a number of times. they have sangle malt scotch tastins now n agin. nuff sed.
    2. st. andrews. tiz a lil piece of scotland close by times square. grate whisky dinners.
    3. the ginger man. good thang bout thisn is how we dun herd bout it havin a grate lineup of sangle malts, but we aint been thar yet. mayhap we kin make it durin them holidays.
    corse thays a minny uther blessins ye git fer livin here. cheap transportashun -- costs me jes $65 a munth fer unlimited rides on the bus to man hattan. plenty entertainment in the city that never sleeps. grate wurk opportunties. plenty of folks frum all over the worl, so tiz a good place to practiss other langwages. nice parks. beautiful waterfrunt. but the bes blessin of all up in here is miz bd, witch shes the bes thang bout my life n this is whar she's a'livin.

    Tuesday, November 23, 2004

    blessins of buddy don: more thanks

    tiz a week fer givin yer thanks so im a'countin sum of the minny blessins i gut. all them blessins is proof that god continues to bless n reward the undeservin. yesterdy i give sum thanks fer three sangle malt scotches that ye kin git fer under $20 over in man hattan. thays all rite nice cun bettern blends, witch i hope to do a lil revu of them blends by n by.

    but today is dun planned fer two of the gratest scotches at inny price, n thang is, ye kin get em fer under $40 fer a bottle.
    1. furstn is glenmorangie ten year. ye kin git thisn over in man hattan fer $24 sum places n $27 otherns, but ifn ye dont shop round, ye kin pay as much as $35-$40. dont matter the price ye pay, ye a'gone git one of the grate scotches. tiz cumplex as kin be yet delicut. ye git a fine nose that aint too intents. the flavor jes seems to git bigger the longer ye hold it in yer mouth. twill put a smile on mos inny face. nuther thang bout thisn is how taint verr peaty, witch that means taint so hard fer folks to adapt to. taint everbidy that lacks the taste of peat n one of the minny blessins bout sangle malt scotch is how thays so minny differnt tastes. ifn ye aint never tride no sangle malt befor, thisn could be jes the thang to git ye started. warning: it could turn into a obsesshun.
    2. the second one i wonta menchun today is laphroaig 10 year. thisn mite be priced innwhars frum $34 to $50 but ye orta shop round till ye git sumthin under $40. twill be wurth it on a counta thisns one of the mos famus tastes of inny sangle malt. tiz known fer bein a scotch folks eethur luvs or hates. at whisky fest, a feller sed sumthin long the lines of how tiz the scotch ye luv to hate n hate to luv. that dont wurk fer me n miz bd on a counta how we jes luv it to whar tiz one of our faverts, with the nose of a campfire, an oily vibrunt taste thats gut sum of the best peat flavor ye kin git, a lil iodine, a lil seaweed. furst time we tasted it, seem lack we could magine sittin by a campfire on a verr isolated beach. tiz that eloquent. corse, ifn ye dont lack the taste n smell of peat, thisn aint fer ye. fack is, tiz so eggstreme a taste that durin prohibishun, twuz let in to the u. s. of a. on a counta how folks importin it sed twuz medicin. one sniff n them revenooers agreed. n thay wuz rite: tiz a good medicin fer mos inny keer that mite ail ye.
    corse thays moren good sangle malt scotch to be thankful fer, but tiz sumthin me n miz bd dint know nuthin bout last thanksgivin. also, tiz only a lil ice shavin offn the tip of the iceberg of blessins we all orta be a'countin more often.

    Monday, November 22, 2004

    blessins of buddy don: week fer givin thanks

    thays a minny a thang ye kin give thanks fer n i hope to menchun a few of em this week. furst off, thays three sangel malts that ye kin generly git fer under $20 a bottle. i am thankful fer em! here they are:
    1. speyburn: we gut thisn fer a lil over $13 over in man hattan, so ye mite find it cheeper wharever ye be. tiz a speyside malt with a delicate sweetness n jes a nuff peat to remind ye of the smoke used in maltin. ye caint beat it at the price, n i wood be innerested to see how twood rank in a blind tastin
    2. glen garioch:thisns a highland malt n ye call glen garee accordin to sum them books i read bout scotch. tiz a nuther nice malt, that ye kin git fer under $20, tho in this case, tiz jes barely under $20 over in man hattan. thisns gut everthang ye look fer in a malt that aint frum islay: sum strangth, sum legs, sum grate toffee delicussy. agin, i wunder what twood rank in a blind tastin.
    3. lastn i wonta menchun today is bowmore legend, witch we gut us a bottle of thisn fer $18 n twuz a bargain. taint gut the oily iodine medicinull qualties sum of us luv in yer laphroaig n lagavulin, but tis a nice n easy way to git yer islay malt fix without spendin too much money. tiz a goodn to use in showin folks that aint fans of islay malts jes how easy they kin go down.
    me n miz bd is plannin to have thanksgivin over to our sons place. we lackly gone brang im n his partner a bottle of malt. mayhap we kin brang two since these uns is so cheap. thays a'gone be thanksgivin all round!

    Friday, November 19, 2004

    land speculayshun of buddy don: real state in scotland

    Plot No: 24####

    dun gut me a lil plot of land over thar on in scotland on islay. that laphroaig distillry pays me rent on it, one dram of laphroaig ever year long as i live n long as i go thar to fetch the rent.

    ye orta git ye a plot while ye kin! jes purchus a bottle of laphroaig, witch ye kin git laphroaig 10 year up here in man hattan fer bout $35 n i bet tiz cheeper in uther places. tiz bout the bes bargain in sangle malt scotch wharever ye find it. once ye git it, ye kin use the bar code to git ye yer land.

    then ye git to go colleck!

    pinions of buddy don: flip flop makes publick appearunts

    flip [publican passed house ethics rule of 1993]:
    The original rule was adopted by Republicans in 1993 when they were the minority party attacking the Democratic-controlled leadership as corrupt and arrogant. The rule required House GOP leaders to step aside if indicted for a crime that could bring a sentence of at least two years in state or federal prison.
    flop [publican passed house ethics rule of 2004]:
    "It's just interesting that the first order of business following the election, on the part of the Republican majority, is to lower their ethical standards for their leaders in the Congress by saying that if indicted, you can serve,'' Pelosi told reporters after the Democrats in the House unanimously re-elected her and Minority Whip Steny Hoyer of Maryland.
    taint all publicans a'fallin fer it, as shown in this quote:
    Some Republicans, at least, remember what they stood for 10 years ago. "We took a strong stand in 1994 to make clear the Republican conference would live by a higher standard than our Democratic colleagues," Rep. Chris Shays, a Connecticut Republican, said in a statement. Shays also told reporters: "We won election in '94 because we were going to be different, and what I continue to see is a slow but very consistent erosion in what made us different."

    Thursday, November 18, 2004

    fish of buddy don: is fish lack folks?

    i aint never sed nuthin bout this tank of africun cichlids me n miz bd has sittin in our livin room. tiz a big un, 6 feet long by 2 feet deep by 2.5 feet tall, witch thats good fer holdin about 155 gallons of water.

    we gut it stocked with africun cichlids from lake malawi, mosly whut they call pseudotropheus saulosi, but thays also a pair of catfish in thar, witch thar scientifick name is synodontis but we named ourn felix n fritz, witch we dun had felix fer nigh onto 9 years n he wuz purty well full growd by the time we gut im.

    thang bout cichlids is how they dont use thar color to hide so they kin git verr britely colord, almos lack marine fish, witch they call them fish that lives in salt water 'marine.'

    ifn ye aint never kep no fish or ifn ye kep gold fish or sum such, ye mite not bleeve jes how smart fish kin be. aint minny of em much smartern africun cichlids n they gut em a verr highly deeveloped soshul order, so to speak. in ever tank or pond or lil area, ye gut yer big fish, witch thatns the one that ever other fish backs down frum.

    we had our tank a'goin so long that moren half the fish in it wuz born thar. they gut em a method of hatchin lil fish known as 'mouth breedin,' witch it wurks thisaway: whichever male fish kin git the female to pay im sum attenchun -- taint always the big fish, by the way -- that male gits to swimmin over by the female n a'waggin his tale, speshly his anal fin. hes gut im sum lil spots on that tale name of 'egg spots,' on a counta how whenever he gits to waggin his tail jes rite, the female gits to thankin thays real eggs (so they say, witch makes me wunder how they gut inny idee whut female fish thanks since humans caint hardly figger out whut thar a'thankin!).

    inny who, the two matin fish gits into a lil dance whar furst the female puts her mouth by the males anal fin n sorta pertends to bite at it n then they swap spots so the male kin do the same thang to the female. purty soon, the female seems to burst n a passle of eggs pops out. all the fish in the tank wonta git a bite of em, but the female fish is generly quickest to git all them eggs in her mouth. once shes scooped em all in, she gets back to the bizness of the dance, witch the two fish keeps on a'doin till the male lets out his seminull contribushun to the nex generayshun. the female scoops it up, the eggs is fertil-eyesd, n she carries em in her mouth without eatin nuthin fer about a month.

    we call her 'pouched' durin this period on a counta how she has a pouch of lil tiny fish jes below whar her mouth is. ifn she looks ye in the eye, ye kin see all them lil fry in her mouth, thar lil eyes lack brillyunt black dots.

    after shes dun without no food fer a munth, she turns em a'loose, spreadin em out in the tank n puttin em in places whar they kin hide. thang is, tuther fishes aint gut no cumpunkshuns bout eatin em.

    durin my years of keepin this tank, i seen a'minny a big fish cum n go. ye gut yer goodns n yer badns. yer goodns wont let tuther fish fite, lessn they wonta fite with him, witch the big fish is always a male. corse, ye gut yer badns, witch all they wonta do is chase all tuther fish round the tank n try to kill em.

    as ye mite magine, they git em a peckin order wurked up n whenever the populayshun gits too big (thays a ebb n flow toot on a counta how they live bout 4 years at mos, lease in our tank), ye git to whar sum fish is whut we call 'banished,' witch that means they aint allowd to go no whar but up in a top corner of the tank with no perteckshun, stressd out till they die.

    i dun tride savin such banished fish befor, but tiz a waste of time. ye take out the banished fish, put it into a nuther tank, n purty soon, the main tank has a nuther banished fish. ye caint stop em frum a'doon whut thar a'gone do.

    corse, taint ever fish thatll take such treatment. sum of em wont give in n let tharself be banished n whenever that happens, the fish gits beat up purty bad. tuther fish generly eat off as much of thar caudal fin as they kin to keep em frum bein able to swin verr fast. after that, the fish has gut to hide as much as possibull, but twill git beat up a lot. we call fish that gits into such a state 'batterd.'

    i once had a batterd fish name of stubby, on a counta how he dint have nuthin but a stubb lef fer his tail. he gut attacked ever time he cum out to eat, gittin a bite of food in while bein chased by the big fish n then goin to hide agin. i always felt fer im n wonted to git im out sos he mite git a chants to grow his tail back n quit a'gittin beat up so much, but ye caint hardly catch them fish, speshly one lack stubby that lacked to hide so much.

    innywho, thar cum a day whar i had to move, so that meant takin the tank apart n givin away mos of the fish. corse, i always keep them catfish, speshly felix since hes so old (we dun had fritz fer near five year) n i deecided i wood keep stubby also. ye kin take yer other fish to most inny fish store n give em away only they wont pay ye nuthin on a counta tiz a favor fer em to take em offn yer hands.

    i give stubby to my son, witch he kep fish in them days. he put im in a tank all by his ownself n purty soon, he had dun growd his tail back. twernt lack he wood cum out much, but he gut his tail back. twuz a nice thang to see. he gut biggern n twuz rite nice.

    purty soon my son deecided to git sum tiny lil new cichlids fer the tank n funny thang is, even tho stubby wuz three times the size of em, purty soon one of them new lil fish wuz the big fish n gut to whar he had dun et stubbys tail back down to a stubb. sad thang is, ye caint change the persunalty of a fish!

    as i dun writ, the big fish kin be peacekeepin types or warlike types. we had one we give the name of 'pol pot,' on a counta he killt minny of his brother fish. he wuz born in the tank n gut to be big fish by havin a fite to the death with his own daddy. he wuz a awful fish n twuz sad to watch how he terrized the rest of the tank, bothern mos ever fish ceptn his own mama.

    then one evenin, he wuz a'gittin too rowdy even fer her. she chased im a bit, witch twuz a nuff to git our tenchun, so we watched fer a while. after he had chased near ever fish but his mama down into thar hidey holes (they all gut em a place to hide), his mama turnt on im suddenly n killt im in a sangle strike. twuz amazin. she hit im so hard, he turnt over backerds n drifted down to the bottom of the tank. he dint git uprite agin n wuz ded by nex mornin.

    even befor pol pot gut his chants to be big fish in the tank, thay wuz a nuthern that wuz batterd so bad we named im 'bedraggled.' bedraggled refused to be banished n paid fer his refusal with his bidy, a'gittin so beat up to whar his eyes wuz clouded over, witch generly that means thar near ded. but bedraggled refused to die n thang wuz, he survived four or five differnt big fish. sadly, whenever we moved over to new jersey, he dint make it, tho we tride.

    ye could larn ye sum lessons frum how them fish wurks.
    1. ever fish is different
    2. the big fish in the tank dont last as long as the lil uns
    3. ifn a fish lets itself git banishd, twill die
    4. ifn a fish kin take a punch, twill outlast lodes of them big fish
    5. big fish cums in two forms, peaceful n warlike.
    6. a warlike big fish has to spend mos of his time chasin all them other fish around to proov how hes the biggest
    7. a peaceful big fish lives a verr long time n only chases tuther fish ifn a fite brakes out twixt em
    8. ye caint save a fish that wont save itself
    seems to me thays at lease one lessun fer them dimcrats in all of that, ifn ye bleev inny of them lessuns kin apply to humans, witch is
    1. ye caint let yerself be banished to no canada
    2. ye gut to take a punch
    3. ye gut to suck it up on a counta how them big fish dont las as long as lil uns
    4. ifn ye caint save yerself, caint nobidy else save ye
    corse, humans aint fish, so mayhap nun of this signifies innythang.

    Wednesday, November 17, 2004

    nite life of buddy don: drankin at st. andrews with my irish friend

    last nite after wurk me n my irish friend walked over to st. andrews on 44th street twixt broadway n sixth avenue sos we could have us a lil sangle malt n conversayshun.

    we had jes cum thru a hard day on the corpor-rut battlefield, gittin blamed fer thangs we hadnt dun n fitin off them charges, sprizin folks with sum brakethrus we hadnt yet announced, n jes generly havin a good but hard time doin our jobs. we wuz verr tired by the end of our 11 hour day, so it seemed lack st. andrews wuz jes the thang. tiz a lot closern keens, fer one thang, n my irish friend hadnt never been thar.

    me n miz bd had furst been to st. andrews fer the whisky dinner they had the nite before whisky fest. tiz a rite nice place with all the folk a'wearin tartans, kilts or skirts accordin to thar sex, n ever one of em speakin a purrfeck scotish brogue. they gut em 195 different sangle malts on thar menu n ye kin buy yer drams or yer tasters, witch yer tasters is bout half the size of yer drams n half the cost.

    bout as quick as we gut seated, along cum our waitress sharon frum glasgow to git our order. fastern ye could say 'lickedy-split,' we had it all: our saucy red-hedded waitress lettin my irish frien have it fer makin a mess of our table witch we bofus made, only he gut the blame fer bein irish n i dint on a counta add mittin to (braggin bout?) havin scottish ancestors; a lil four cheese thin-crust pizza; n a strang of them tasters to share, filled with malts lack a 25 year old talisker, 16 year old lagavulin, 30 year old glenfiddich, 15 year springbank, 17 year glen scotia, 17 year glenfarclas, sum 1991 caol ila, that kind thang.

    twuz a verr nice way to end a hard day battlin in them corpor-rut wars. twuz all over by 7:15 n i wuz home porin miz bd her furst scotch by 7:45.

    life dont git much bettern that.

    Tuesday, November 16, 2004

    pinions of buddy don: city of rubble to win harts n minds?

    sumtimes whenever i watch whuts a'goin on over in iraq, it puts me in mind of vietnam, lack it duz mos everbidy who wuz alive fer that lil add ventchur. in that conflick, witch as ye mite member wuz to keep all them communist dominoes frum droppin cuntry by cuntry till we wuz forced to be communists our ownself, we wuz fitin folks who wuz willin to put bombs in baby carridges, as grisly a violayshun of life as ye kin magine. wurser than that, it wurked to whar we retaliated till thay wuz atrocities on bof sides, mos famus one bein that my lai massacre. thang is, ye caint have a war without atrocities. deespite whut the reveredn pat robertson claims mr bush sed, ye caint have no war without casualties neethur. thems plane facks n theys part of the reason sum folks are agin all war.

    back in them vietnam days, our side wuz countin the dead on thar side, sumthin i reckun we larnt not to do no more. ye wood git them body counts ever evenin on the news. day after day, ye wood be greeted with them numbers: 13 u.s. dead on our side, 40 south vietnam dead on our side, 3,000 communist dead on tharn, that kinda thang, nite after nite after nite. corse, thay wuz that famus statement on the news that they made almos ever fridy evenin: 'American casualties were described as light.' i member thankin twuz a miracull how them communists could keep cummin up with new fiters when we wuz a'killin em off in such numbers. dint matter how minny wuz reported killt of a evenin, thay wuz always plenty more to be killt the nex day.

    as ye mite magine, the frustrayshun with that war wuz grate. how kin ye win a war ifn killin the enemy dont make em back down? how kin ye win a war ifn ever time ye kill one of tharn, several otherns gits inspired to join up with thar side? it cum to the point whar folks wuz saying thangs lack, 'We had to destroy the village to save it' n one of my favert lines of all time, lease fer showin how absurd war kin be, 'We have to kill those people; they have no respect for human life.'

    lack innybidy mite, i keep prayin that we kin figger a way that this war kin be differnt, but i aint too optimistick about it, even ifn thats whut yer spozed to be. my reason has to do with whut we jes witnessd in falluja n the res of the cuntry:
    1. we figger out whar the insurgents has thar hedquarters, in falluja
    2. we announce to the world how we're a'goin in to clean em out
    3. since they dont whar uniforms or fite accordin to the rules of law (reminds me of the overmountain men a'fitin the english all dressed in thar red n marchin in strate rows at the battle of kings moutain in our own revolushuairy war), taint no big trick fer em to disappear befor we even git thar
    4. they seem to bleev thar cause is wurth dyin fer, so minny of them that stays to fite wonts to fite to the death
    5. we destroy falluja n deeclare we have it 100% under our cuntrol of the rubble thats lef over
    6. but sumhow, thays plenty more insurgents reddy to attack us in uther places.
    7. we make plans to shift forces n git reddy to doot all agin
    in such a war, ye kin take all the territory ye wont. ye kin knock down bildins n mosques n hospitulls. ye kin kill ten of them fer ever one of ourn they kills. ye kin go whar ye wont n kill as minny as ye gut the stumach to kill. but ifn ye caint change the harts n minds of the folks yer trine to give demockrussy, the furst time ye let em vote, ifn tiz a fair vote, thar a'gone vote ye out.

    i gut on this train of thought this mornin as i wuz readin the frunt page articull in the new york times name of Rebels Attack in Central Iraq and the North. it splains how the fitin has spread out in sevrul direckshuns, addin mosul, baquba, kirkuk, n suwaira to the lis of trouble spots whar insurgents take over po-leece stayshuns n execute sum of the iraqi po-leece. all that is real scary stuff.

    thays also that articull bout the marine who shot dead the wounded man who wuz lef behind by a earlier group of marines that had dun cum thru. i caint judge the man fer whut he dun: thats fer god to do. but i half to add mitt i could see myself gittin so riled n frustrated by the situwayshun that i mite do the same kinda thang. that dont make it rite by no stretch, but tiz true.

    but all them thangs dont scare me much. whut scares me is sumthin that cum at the verr end of the new york times articull bout the insurgentsy spreddin. tiz a note bout sum children playin, after thangs had dun calmed down in mosul. is we winnin harts n minds? here's the quote:
    Other clashes erupted around Mosul. A bomb exploded beneath a police car at the Zahoor police station, one of the stations looted and burned by rebels on Thursday.

    But the violence had calmed since then, and children could be seen playing in some parks.

    At one playground, Amin Muhammad, 10, and his friends raced around with plastic guns. "We divide ourselves into two teams,'' he said, "the mujahedeen versus the American forces.''

    And in their battles, he said, the mujahedeen always win.
    when them kids gits to playin cops n robbers or cowboys n injuns, ye kin tell whos winnin thar harts n minds by witch side they take.

    Monday, November 15, 2004

    mizry of buddy don: sundy migraine

    fergive me fer runnin on n on bout migraines, but ifn ye ever had one, ye wood understand how awful tiz to have sumthin take over cumpletely to whar ye caint even watch tv or read or lie in bed without havin to git up n vomit. yesterdy mornin, i had sum symptums, but i dint wonta add mitt twuz a'happenin, so i put off takin my medicin fer a lil while. befor i knew it, i had to upchuck with a vengunts, n after that, twuznt possibull to stop it. i tuck the zomig that wurks so well ifn ye catch the migraine befor ye git to spittin up. but it dont wurk at all after ye dun started. i even tuck a secunt one after i had been in it fer two hours. but it dint wurk, n frum 5 in the mornin till 9 pm, i couldnt stop, couldnt keep nuthin down, couldnt do nuthin but suffer n vomit till my throat wuz (n still is) raw n achin frum all the acid. miz bd tride everthang she knows, but nuthin wurked.

    finely, thankin i wood half to call in this mornin, witch ye caint magine how much i wood hate that, i figgerd i wood take a shower sos i could git the stank offn me. twuz lack flickin a switch. i went in the shower as sick as ever, but cum out with the problem gone. i could eat (few grains of rice) n drank water n even a lil tea. kin a shower be a switch in the rite direckshun? i never herd of it a'doon that befor, but after vomittin fer about 16 hours, mayhap the migraine had dun run its corse.

    tiz a bad bizness whenever ye thank the bes thang bout that migraine is how it cum on a sundy so i woodnt miss no wurk. but tiz bad a nuff to suffer the pure mizry without addin in the feelin of guilt n deepreshun ye git when ye stay home sick.

    Friday, November 12, 2004

    pinions of buddy don: soshul securty

    tuther day i gut that lil notice they send out folks thats been puttin money into the soshul securty system. mosly twuz splainayshuns bout how much i paid ever year since i started earnin wages in 1970, but the part that gut me a'wunderin agin wuz this lil comment writ into the form:
    *Your estimated benefits are based on current law. Congress has made changes to the law in the past and can do so at any time. The law governing the benefit amounts may change because, by 2042, the payroll taxes collected will be enough to pay only about 73 percent of scheduled benefits.
    twuz a reeminder bout that lockbox fuss n fite mr bush had with mr gore in the las eleckshun. mr gore kep astin mr bush wood he put the soshul securty surplus in a lockbox to make shore it dint git spent on other thangs. mr bush woodnt commit toot n i reckon we all know why now. thang is, soshul securty taxes is still runnin a surplus rite now. problem is, them borry n spend publicans in cuntrol spend that money n more jes as quick as they kin to fund thar deficit spendin, mosly sos the incum tax rate on incum over $200,000 in a year could be lowerd.

    whut i caint git is ifn them publicans bleeve so much in puttin the soshul securty money at risk by lettin folks invest it in the stock market, why couldnt they keep the surplus soshul securty funds sepert frum the rest of the gummint revenues n start investin it in bulk in a good mix of equities n bonds n mutchul funds? seems lack we wood be awash in money to pay fer folkses retirement. in sted, they dun been spendin it faster than it cums in.

    whut bugs me the most bout that is how mr greenspan hepped git the publicans in 1987 to raze the mos regressiv tax we gut, the payroll tax, spozedly sos thard be a nuff of a surplus to cover the projeckted shortfall that wood cum whenever us baby boomers gut to retire (we wont git whut we wuz promissd, witch thats the only promiss we kin be shore bout). twuz a trick to raze taxes on everbidy, witch that wurks out to be a grater percentage of yer incum the less incum ye gut. after ye pay the maximum, ye dont pay no more, witch that means ye dont pay the same percent that other folks has gut to pay.

    as luck wood have it, them publicans gut em a nuther plan to fix the problem, witch thats to borry n spend even faster sos folks kin put individual retirement accounts together at a cost of only a cuple trillions of dollars. thisn beats the heck out of investin the surplus in bulk in sted of spendin it on tax cuts n then lettin each individual investor add to the cost of the program by havin to pay a broker to handle thar investments.

    i live in a verr blue state witch ye caint hardly find nobidy that wood add mitt to votin fer mr bush. i wurk in a verr red industry, wall street fine ants, n our firm wuz amung the leaders in givin money to the bush camp pain. but even so, thay aint hardly nobidy that add mitts to votin fer bush. folks sez thangs lack this in sted:
    Look at the bright side. Our side lost, but it means more money in our pockets. Can you imagine the profits we'll get from all the private investment accounts? We'll have bonuses we can just barely imagine now. And they'll barely be taxed!
    i have herd this verr argument made overn over agin, sumtimes by the richest bankers ye kin magine, folks that kin sell over $10 million in stock n hardly thank tiz much of a trans ackshun. they add mitt they dont need more money, that they caint even spend all they dun gut. but as one feller splained it to me one time, money jes turns into a score fer such folks whar the one that dies with the most wins.

    i caint hep but wunder how they celebrate the victry.