Tuesday, November 30, 2004

pinions of buddy don: whar is all our good news frum iraq?

tiz commonly sed by mr bush n members of his addministrayshun that the media dont report the good news frum iraq. mr bush is ownself sed, "We're making good progress in Iraq. Sometimes it's hard to tell it when you listen to the filter."

i half to add mitt i aint red much good news frum thar in the longest. could it be jes a nuther case of media bias a'filtern out all the good news?

ye mite could thank so. fer instunts, why aint we seein pitchers of skools n hospitulls n power generayshun facilties n sewers n replacements fer all the bildins that wuz bombed in order to liverate them iraqis -- why aint we seein film on the evenin news of such thangs bein bilt? whars the kids playin baseball games with soljers, witch lease we gut that much frum afghanistan befor they gut back to thar bizness of growin poppies fer the heroin trade.

whilst i wuz trine to figger thisn out, i run across a famus email writ by a woman name of Farnaz Fassihi, witch shes one of them jurnalist over thar who aint a'givin us all that good news we wonta see. but she writ out her eggscuse n ye kin deecide fer yer ownself whuther shes jes filtern out the news by readin her eggscuse fer not gittin us the good news we need:
Being a foreign correspondent in Baghdad these days is like being under virtual house arrest. Forget about the reasons that lured me to this job: a chance to see the world, explore the exotic, meet new people in far away lands, discover their ways and tell stories that could make a difference.

Little by little, day-by-day, being based in Iraq has defied all those reasons. I am house bound. I leave when I have a very good reason to and a scheduled interview. I avoid going to people's homes and never walk in the streets. I can't go grocery shopping any more, can't eat in restaurants, can't strike a conversation with strangers, can't look for stories, can't drive in any thing but a full armored car, can't go to scenes of breaking news stories, can't be stuck in traffic, can't speak English outside, can't take a road trip, can't say I'm an American, can't linger at checkpoints, can't be curious about what people are saying, doing, feeling. And can't and can't. There has been one too many close calls, including a car bomb so near our house that it blew out all the windows. So now my most pressing concern every day is not to write a kick-ass story but to stay alive and make sure our Iraqi employees stay alive. In Baghdad I am a security personnel first, a reporter second.

It's hard to pinpoint when the 'turning point' exactly began. Was it April when Fallujah fell out of the grasp of the Americans? Was it when Moqtada and Jish Mahdi declared war on the U.S. military? Was it when Sadr City, home to ten percent of Iraq's population, became a nightly battlefield for the Americans? Or was it when the insurgency began spreading from isolated pockets in the Sunni triangle to include most of Iraq? Despite President Bush's rosy assessments, Iraq remains a disaster. If under Saddam it was a 'potential' threat, under the Americans it has been transformed to 'imminent and active threat,' a foreign policy failure bound to haunt the United States for decades to come.

Iraqis like to call this mess 'the situation.' When asked 'how are things?' they reply: 'the situation is very bad."

What they mean by situation is this: the Iraqi government doesn't control most Iraqi cities, there are several car bombs going off each day around the country killing and injuring scores of innocent people, the country's roads are becoming impassable and littered by hundreds of landmines and explosive devices aimed to kill American soldiers, there are assassinations, kidnappings and beheadings. The situation, basically, means a raging barbaric guerilla war. In four days, 110 people died and over 300 got injured in Baghdad alone. The numbers are so shocking that the ministry of health -- which was attempting an exercise of public transparency by releasing the numbers -- has now stopped disclosing them.

Insurgents now attack Americans 87 times a day.
tiz purty obveeus that this reporter has dun gone over to tuther side, the side of pessimism n doubt. why caint they send sum of them braver reporters over thar to git the real stories n good news? why caint they send braver jurnlists lack charles krauthammer, ann coulter, joe scarborough, rush limbaugh, sean hannity, bill o'reilly, cal thomas, tony blankley, david brooks, william kristol, etc, etc, etc? woodnt they be able to git us sum pitchers of all that good news thats a'goin on?

corse, ye kin dream bout miraculls, but they aint too lackly to cum true.

so till then, i reckun we gone half to live with nuthin but bad news. fer instunts, kin ye bleeve that thar librul new york times wood cum out with a story lack U.S. Officials Say Iraq's Forces Founder Under Rebel Assaults?

is they trine to undermine our troops? why wood they be claimin that them iraqi troops aint inny good? dont they know that ye caint git much frum folks ye insult?

n these aint yer average insults! insted, thar insultin them iraqi soljers n po-leecemen by callin em cowards n sayin that they let tharself git intimidated by car bombs n execushuns of other iraqi po-leecemen n soljers. they claim they deesert thar posts when attacked, that they dun been infiltrated by the insurgents, whoever they is, that they caint even be trusted not to shoot our own troops, witch our troops has dun been told to be keerful n duck n cover whenever they gut them iraqi allies at thar back.

these is sum greevous insults. that bit bout infiltrashun n layin down thar guns n lettin the insurgents git thar weppons: aint all that sum kinda treason?

so cum on now. lets git our bravest jurnlists over thar, our rushes n seans n anns n bills n such lack. go git us sum good news, even ifn ye half to make it up . . . oh thats rite! how could i fergit: they been a'makin up good news bout iraq frum the safety n cumfert of thar safe haven here in the states all along! such courage! tiz its own reward, no?

but why cain they git us no pitchers of all that good news thar a'makin up? a lil film of kids a'studyin in a brand new skool whar everthang wurks? folks a'walkin the streets of bagdad as if they wuz really free? picnics n children playin n crowds at soccer matches n such? kin ye magine whut a sensayshun twood be to show sum of that good footage thats bein filterd out?

if only they could do that! twood show them pessimists! better, twood shut up all them librul types once n fer all!

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