cleanup reprint: we dont need no minimum wage ...

oops! discuverd a nuthern!

note: this post furst appeared on 7/5/2005. i am deletin the ole one to git rid of the filthy lanks in the comments. i plan to do this fer a while till i git it all cleaned up. thankee fer yer indulgents.

... whut we need is a maximum wage. ifn we had one, we woodnt need no minimum wage. taint my originull idee n i aint gut no idee who cum up with it, but it deserves more attenchun.

ima gone splain how twood wurk direckly, but furst a cuple comments bout how to brang it about. i add mitt thay aint no way rich folks wood allow it to happen by law. they own the congress n presdent n mayhap jes 5/9 of the supreme cort, but tiz a nuff to keep such a law frum ever a'gittin passed.

no, twood be better if thay wuz sum way to shame folks into adoptin it as thar bleef in sted of ritin laws to enforce it. so i ackcept that aint nobidy a'gone let this thang git a chants, but twood make thangs much better fer everbidy in amurka by makin the economy much better. so heres how twood wurk:

eethur by law or better by custom n culchur, twood be grate if the person makin the most in inny bizness or corporayshun be compensated no moren X times as much as the lowest paid wurker in that bizness or corporayshun. fer instunts, in the times of the greek palltishun n flossofer solon, he gut folks to ackcept the idee that the richest only needed five times as much as the poorest. whenever he dun that -- after furst fergivin the debt of the poor -- the economy gut a'goin to whar they call that period of greek histry 'the golden age' to this verr day.

point is, ifn ye spread the wealth around more, then more folks is a'gone have spar money to spend, n that makes yer economy grow faster. tiz the henry ford way of payin, witch he once sed he had to pay a suffishunt wage to make it possibull fer his wurkers to buy a car.

thangs has changed a lot. whenever raygun becum presdent, yer ceo wuz a'gittin about 45 times as much as yer average wurker. then it tuck off:

In 1980, they made 45 times the pay of production and nonsupervisory workers. By 1990, the CEO-worker pay gap had doubled, with CEOs making 96 times as much. By last year, that ratio had reached 458.

thays sum that lacks to say a risin tide lifts all boats n ifn ceos are makin so much more, then sos everbidy else. but money dont wurk that way. if everbidy gits more all at the same time, then ye gut inflayshun. in sted, ifn sum has gut a lot more, otherns has gut to have less. tiz jes whut has happend since 1980:

While workers' 2000 pay was lower than in 1980, adjusting for inflation, CEO pay was ten times higher. In 1980, full-time production and nonsupervisory workers made $28,950 on average and CEOs made $1.3 million (in 2000 dollars). Last year, workers made $28,579 while the Business Week sample of CEOs came away with an average of $13.1 million.

whut we have now is a situwayshun whar thays two sets of rules: one fer ceos (includes the presdent) n one fer everbidy else. in my job, ifn i dont perduce n do a good job, i know i kin be cut as 'ded wood' durin the nex downsizin. ifn that wuz to happen, my parashoot wood not be golden. i mite git a munth of pay fer ever year i dun give to the cumpny, but i woodnt be able to bet on gittin no pension:

Despite ongoing negotiations with its unions, United Airlines has told the bankruptcy court that the "likely result" will be a decision to terminate all of its pension plans.

That would precipitate the biggest pension default in history, more twice the size of the Bethlehem Steel Corporation default in 2002. The move is expected to destabilize the already struggling airline industry, prompting other old-line carriers like Delta to eventually follow suit to maintain competitiveness.

but twood be differnt ifn i wuz a ceo. then i mite make out lack a bandit. cunsidder this:

Forget pay for performance. For example, Walt Disney Co. CEO Michael Eisner received, says Business Week, "a salary increase, 2 million stock options in Disney Internet Group valued at $37.7 million and an $11.5 million bonus--after three years in which net income fell by more than half from $1.9 billion in 1997 to $920 million." Eisner's total 2000 compensation was $72.8 million, a big bite out of Disney's net income.

Most CEO pay leaders underperformed the market going up, and have underperformed it going down. According to a new report by the Boston-based United for a Fair Economy, "If you had invested $10,000 in Walt Disney stock on December 31, 1993, the year CEO Michael Eisner topped Business Week's highest-paid list, held the stock for one year, then sold it to buy the stock in next year's pay leader and so on, by the end of 1999, your $10,000 investment would have eroded to just $3,585. A similar $10,000 investment made in the S&P 500 over the same period would have grown to $32,301."

magine ifn a ceo had to figger out a way of makin shore the lowliest paid wurker had to git a total compensayshu of, say, 1/40th as much as the total compensayshun of the ceo. that wood mean the greediest ceos wood half to make thangs better fer all thar wurkers ifn they wonted to make a lot more money thar ownself. all them wurkers wood have a lot more money to spend. spendin all that money wood make the economy grow on a counta how easy twood be to sell thangs to them folks that had moren a nuff to pay fer rent n grossries n a visit now n then to the docters.

lack i sed, i dont reckun such a idee could be dun by law on a counta them ceos owns a hole lotta gummint. but ifn twuz the practiss of that land, kin ye magin the economy we wood have?