Monday, March 07, 2005

treetment of buddy don: indignuhtees of gittin ole

whenever i went to see the gp fer my yearly fizzicull exam he tole me to have a colonscopey dun, witch tiz a perceedure whar they stick a scope up in yer colon n take a look. hez been a'tellin me to go fer a few years now, ever since i turnt 50, but i been takin the referull paper home n lettin it find the bottom of a pile of papers n then never gittin round to usin it.

this year i figgerd i needed to give it a try on a counta how them migraines has made me suffer. my idee is that mayhap i kin avoid sum other kinda suffrin.

sides that, i gut a lil reeminder to git it dun this year when one of the fellers that wurks fer me had his dun n wuz sprized whenenver they found three inch long thangs name of pollups a'growin inside im. they cut em out n dont thank they wuz canceruss.

but whenever he tole me the deetails, it give me a lil skeer. i thought bout how my own daddy woodnt go see no docter to suss out whut wuz rong with im till twuz too late n i my ownself wuz mad at im fer bein so hard-hedded. how could i let that referrull paper go unused this year?

i called back in januwairy to ast when could i git my own colon scoped n turnt out today wuz the furst day they had. they lack to do em on mundy on a counta how ye caint eat nuthin the day befor n ye gut to take sum laxativ to clean ye out to whar that scope kin see yer colon n mayhap sniff out inny pollups or whutever.

i dint real eyes how severe twood be, but i figger tiz a good thang on a counta taint bad to clean yer hole sistem out now n then. they tole me to use one of them fleet prep kits, witch they gut em three parts toot:
  1. a lil jar of awfull tastin stuff name of 'phosopho-soda', witch ye take a tablespoon in 8 ounces of water three times in twenty mints
  2. sum tiny lil orange pills name of 'bisacodyl tablets', witch ye take them roun nine of a evenin
  3. wurst of all, a spository, witch im spozed to use that a hour before i leeve out fer the docters
i dint have nuthin but a hole lotta water n a lil orange juice n more water n sum of that awfull tastin stuff n more water n them pills yesterdy n as ye mite speck, im powerfull hungry now.

as ye mite magin, twernt easy to sleep lass nite. i had to git up so much to whar i caint figger whuts left fer that spository to git. but i reckon twill be over soon n tiz sumthin ye gut to git used to: the indignuhtees of gittin ole. my daddy used to say, 'son, ye git a new sprize frum yer body ever year frum bout the age of 35 on. thay aint good n thar permanent.' he lacked to list the possubillties. could be a lil ache or pain, could be yer hair a'fallin out or yer hearin goin bad or ye mite could need glasses or could be how hair cummences to grow out yer nose n yer ears n all over yer back or ye name it.

i dont take quite that view of thangs n bleeve thays lots to luv bout gittin ole (speshly the part bout not dyin yet), but even i half to add mitt how tiz a rude sprize frum gittin ole whenever ye larn ye only gut a choice twixt (1) lettin a stranger stick a scope up yer butt, (2) dyin early on a counta sumthin that coulda been found ifn only ye had let a stranger stick a scope up yer butt, or (3) gittin a bad injury of sum kind on a counta lettin sum stranger stick a scope up yer butt.

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