pinions of buddy don:
how to git publicans to vote fer runaway borryin

all my life, folks has been cumplainin bout how the gummint spends too much money. whenever twuz the dimocrats a doon it, twuz attackd as 'tax n spend.' now that the publicans has tuck over, ye gut a differnt problem: 'borry n spend.' that means everthang git more eggspensive. heres the quayshun ye git fer that:

differnts twixt
'tax n spend' vs 'borry n spend'

tax n spend	borry n spend
(cost of thangs) = (cost of thangs)	(cost of thangs) = (cost of thangs) + (interst on the money that wuz borried)

now thays sum that thanks thangs wooda dun changed by now. after all, them publicans wuz able to rize above the librul media n the librul collidge faculties n the librul hollywood elite n all tuther libruls that cuntrols whut ye thank to take the congress n presdintcy n las but not lease, the supreme cort. aint nuthin holdin em back frum balancin that budget.

after all, even a hillbilly lack buddy don kin see how tiz a bad bizness to git yerself into a situawayshun whar the cost of interst on the nashnull debt makes it rite hard to keep on budget. furst ye gut to deefine whut the interst ye gut to pay is, witch heres the quayshun:

net interst equayshun

net interst on publick debt =

gross interst on publick debt - (interst earned on soshul securty trust fund + interst on miltary retirement fund + interst earnd on medicare + interest earnd on unemployment insurants + interst earnd hiway n airport n airways trust fund) - (interst on loans to publick + interst on loans to rtc and bank insurants fund)

heres whut were a'payin in net interst on the debt accordin to the congressional budget offus:

2003: $153,000,000,000 ($153 billyuns)

2004: $155,000,000,000 ($155 billyuns)

2005: $180,000,000,000 ($180 billyuns)

2006: $220,000,000,000 ($220 billyuns)

2007: $257,000,000,000 ($257 billyuns)

2008: $282,000,000,000 ($282 billyuns)

2009: $302,000,000,000 ($302 billyuns)

2010: $318,000,000,000 ($318 billyuns)

heres how thangs cumpars:

costs of thangs
(outlays, includin offsettin receets in billyuns of $)

year	net interst	defence	homeland securty	soshul securty	medicare
2003	$153	$405	$23	$471	$274
2004	$155	$452	$23	$492	$294
2005	$180	$447	$27	$513	$317
2006	$220	$439	$30	$533	$369
2007	$257	$445	$32	$559	$418
2008	$282	$464	$33	$587	$448
2009	$302	$485	$35	$618	$478
2010	$318	$505	$35	$653	$515

how did we git them publicans to go fer this kinda runaway borryin?

1. now aint nobidy that kin deny how the war has to be paid fer n ye mite thank folks wood put them costs in befor votin on the budget, but as it happend, the gummint couldnt figger out how much twuz a'gonna cost till after the budget had dun been passed: so one way to git publicans to vote fer runaway borryin is to make em vote befor ye give em all the costs of thar vote!
   
   
2. then ye gut that thar medicare benefit fer them drug cumpnies, witch as ye mite member, twuz hard to git them publicans to vote fer it. they had to have em a exter long votin session (in sted of 15 mints, they tuck near 3 hours), witch that hepped em git the last vote they needed: so a nuther way to git publicans to vote fer runaway borryin is to make em stay up real late till they finely vote lack thar spozed to accordin to thar leaders.
   
   
3. to git everbidy to vote fer that thar medicare benefit fer them drug cumpnies, ye had to threaten sum of em with attacks on thar kids politicull careers: so a thurd way to git publicans to vote fer runaway borryin is to threaten thar kids ifn they dont go along.
   
   
4. mainly, ye had to keep the real cost of that thar medicare benefit fer them drug cumpnies a secret, witch turnt out twoodnt a mere $400,000,000,000 lack twuz claimd but $521,000,000,000: corse, the best way to git publicans to vote fer runaway borryin is to keep em in the dark bout the real costs, witch thisns rilly jes lack method number 1 above.

pinions of buddy don:
mind-readin them voters

via skip perry from skiplog, i gut a lil reminder that thangs aint ever as simple as they seem, speshly whenever it cums to mind-readin them voters. i wuz ritin bout the spanish leckshun yesterdy n the main point i wonted to make wuz how ye caint say fer sartin that the vote wuz a victry fer al queda. my points wuz how 90% of the folks in spain wuz agin the war befor aznar tuck em into it. they even had a march with over a millyun folks cummin out. so to me, it seemd they wuz lettin him know they dint lack his ignorin the will of his people.

but twuz a fack that thangs seemd to be hedded tords a victry fer the party in power, aznars party, till them bombs went off. i jes now dun a scan of google news fer stories on the spanish leckshun n heres whut cum up n the reasons they give fer the vote:

1. 
   
   Analysts Disagree on al Qaeda Response to Spanish Vote
   Cybercast News Service - 22 minutes ago
   
   
   
   
   • 
     
     'Spanish Prime Minister Jose Maria Aznar's decisions to support the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq and to commit troops to the subsequent peacekeeping mission are almost universally blamed for his defeat in Sunday's election.'
     
     
   • 
     
     'Alan Caruba, founder of the National Anxiety Center, believes the election "sent a clear message to al Qaeda: Their bombing worked.'
     
     
   • 
     
     'Johnson predicted that Socialist Prime Minister-Elect Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero's promise to pull troops out of Iraq will do absolutely nothing to protect his nation from al Qaeda. "This was not an attack carried out by Saddam Hussein supporters in order to weaken the ability of the United States in Iraq," Johnson continued. "These guys genuinely look at places like Spain as former Muslim territory that must be recovered."'in other wurds, wuz the spanish spozed to be defendin thar territory agin it gittin retuck by the muslims?
   
   
2. 
   
   LONDON: Spanish vote leaves Blair looking isolated on Iraq
   New Straits Times, Malaysia - 10 hours ago
   
   
   
   
   • 
     
     'British Prime Minister Tony Blair woke up short of a key European ally for his Iraq policy today, after Spain’s newly-elected leader accused him and US President George W. Bush of going to war on the basis of lies.' (in other wurds, twuz the spanish folk reactin agin the lies they bleev they wuz tole by bush n blair to git em to go long with supportin the war.)
   
   
3. 
   
   Spanish vote shows fear has upper hand
   Atlanta Journal Constitution, GA - 22 hours ago
   
   
   
   
   • 
     
     'Voters listened closely and, in direct acquiescence to terrorist extortion, decided to vote for the party that promised to take them out of Iraq.'
   
   
4. 
   
   Spanish Vote Studied in Europe
   Cybercast News Service - 16 hours ago
   
   
   
   
   • 
     
     'Voters elected Socialist Party challenger Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero because they saw the government's failure to acknowledge al Qaeda's involvement as political manipulation. Spanish public opinion had already strongly disagreed with Aznar's pro-U.S. position on Iraq and the vote was a final disavowal of his foreign policy.'
   
   
5. 
   
   Spanish vote sends out wrong message
   The Scotsman, UK - Mar 15, 2004
   
   
   
   
   • 
     
     'The bombers have achieved something which terrorists had never thought possible. Murder enough voters at election time, it appears, and it is possible to engineer your own regime change. Spain’s election shows that terrorism works.'
   
   
6. 
   
   Shock Spanish vote blamed on backlash
   Glasgow Evening Times, UK - Mar 15, 2004
   
   
   
   
   • 
     
     'It is widely believed the former government's support for the war in Iraq and its initial insistence that ETA were to blame for the train bombs caused the shock result.'
   
   
7. Grieving Spanish vote out leaders
   Fort Worth Star Telegram, TX - Mar 15, 2004
   
   
   
   • '"The war they got us into, against our will, cost so much," said Alex Rierasanz, 24, a student walking a Madrid street after midnight, waving a red and white flag of the victorious Socialist Party. "We saw that Thursday morning. They lost because their lies angered the people and got many more out to vote against them." Exit polls and Spanish media reports indicated that Rierasanz was a typical voter.'

as ye kin see, thays plenty of folk that bleevs twuz a simple response to the terrsts attackin em. but thays a nuther thang to cunsidder, witch is whut skip wuz a'pointin out, witch twuz how the gummint tride to use the terrst attack as a eggscuze to attack eta. i reckon that could be a facter, but i caint find much support fer it.

but thays sum aroun:

1. 
   
   Why won't Howard let us trust anyone?
   Sydney Morning Herald, Australia - 15 hours ago
   
   
   
   
   • 
     
     'Does the government think we’re stupid? The former Spanish government thought its people were when it blamed ETA for the bombings without evidence, and look what happened to it!'
   
   
2. 
   
   Voters Oust Spanish Government
   WBBM, IL - Mar 15, 2004
   
   
   
   
   • 
     
     'But the disaster, which the government initially blamed on the Basque separatist group ETA, threw the election wide open. The attack was followed by emotional rallies across the country.
     
     Critics accused the government, which had trumpeted its crackdown on ETA, of manipulating the investigation for political gain. That struck a chord with voters.
     
     “The Popular Party has made me lose faith in politics,” said Juan Rigola, 23, a biologist in Barcelona. “It deserves to lose and to see the Spanish people turn against them.”
     
     The electorate of 34.5 million included about 1.9 million mostly young voters added to the rolls since the 2000 general election.
     
     “I didn't intend to vote, but changed my mind,” said Javi Martin, 30, who works for a TV station in Madrid. “And not because of the attacks, but because of the responsibility of the Popular Party. They gave out information drop by drop. It would have benefited them if it were ETA.” '

thays plenty more, but ye git the idee.

so . . . conclushuns?

1. 
   
   sum voters wuz mad at aznars gummint frum the beginnin on a counta how they dint wont to support the war
   
   
2. 
   
   sum voters wuz skeerd by the bombins n figgerd twood be better jes not to fite terrsts who wood do such awful thangs
   
   
3. 
   
   sum voters wuz mad bout the way aznars gummint tride to use the attacks fer politicull gain
   
   
4. 
   
   sum voters wuz motivated to vote even tho they had plannd to say home, witch accordin to most of whut i red, they dint change how they voted but jes deecided they wood vote
   
   
5. 
   
   no matter whut ye bleev, tiz a mitey stretch to thank al quaeda could read the voters minds n figger witch way they wood react to bein attacked
   
   
6. 
   
   fack is, ye caint read the voters minds verr well, neethur befor nor after the eleckshun

whut could this mean fer our november vote? well, seems lack conslucshuns #3 & #4 could go agin bush on a counta how he has been using 9/11 fer politicull gain frum the verr beginnin. also, i know a slew of folks thats gonna vote this time n nun of em seem to be goin fer bush.

thays a nuther potentchull conclushun ye could make frum this:

isnt the way so minny folks on the rite wuz so quick to give al queda 'credit' fer the victry jes invitin al queda to try it agin fer the nex eleckshun that cums up sumwhar in a cuntry that wonted to invade iraq?

hmm . . . witch cuntry wood that be?

italy? 2006

united kingdom? 2005

usa? 2004

pinions of buddy don:
still 1984 after all these years

(ye mite eggspeck a few blogsurvayshuns on a counta how tiz tuesdy n i sed i wood rite bout blogs on tuesdys, but thays two problems: (1) i aint hardly had time to look at other blogs thanks to wurk, anniversary, birthdy, etc. n (2) i caint turn my tenchun away frum the events of this past week in spain)

in this mornins new york times, rnc foghorn david brooks asts the questchun (ye gut to register, but tiz free), "What is the Spanish word for appeasement?" corse hes a lil upset bout how the right wing wuz throwd out of the spanish gummint n he figgers it has to be sum form of appeasement on a counta he aint willin to look at sartin facks.

fer one, appeasement gut its bad name frum neville chamberlain trine to find "peace in our time" by lettin the worls most belligerunt military power, nazi germany, invade a small cuntry that had no chants to defend itself, witch twuz named czechoslovakia at the time. the folks usin that term these days is bush n his right-wing echo chamber that wuz rushin us off to a war agin sumbidy that hadnt attacked us n couldnt attack us. i dun splained bout appeasement in a pinion i rote on an algy.

fack is, whuts a'goin on is the use of 1984 langwage. ye mite member that book whar george orwell rote bout how war wood be defined as peace n slavery as freedum, that kinda thang. wurds git stood on thar haids to whar the mean the opposit of whut thar spozed to mean.

so not appeasin the worls most belligerunt military power, witch that wood be our belovd cuntry, the united states of amurka, is called appeasement. lettin that power do whutever it wonts to is sumhow not appeasement. so mr books wonts to claim the spanish has dun pulled off a lil appeasement by votin agin the party that tuck em to war.

fer a nuther, mr. brooks ignores the people of spain that wuz marchin agin the war befor thar leader tuck em thar. they dint turn agin the war jes caws of the bombin.twuz attempted appeasement by the people!

n mr. brooks dont wont thank twuz a problem of sumbidy payin no attenchun to the will of the voters, lack mr. aznar dun. in mr brooks langwage, mr aznar, by takin his cuntry to a war that as minny as 90% opposed, wuz excercizin 'bold leadership' in a democracy. that ole payin tenchun to the will of the people wood be a lot lack governin frum pinion polls, lack payin inny attenchun to the millions of folks marchin agin a war that wuznt needed. why should innybidy pay tenchun to that?

a nuther hallmark of orwellian thankin is trine to put everthang into a eethur/or mold: eethur yer fer bushs way of doin thangs or yer fer givin in to the terrists. eithur ye bleev in runnin up huge deficits by borryin n spendin, or ye are agin the economy ever recuverin. eethur yer for invadin a cuntry that wuz cumpletely surrounded n made harmless, lack colin powell had dun add mitted, or yer fer lettin the terrists take over.

here's that colin powell quote: " FEBRUARY 23 & 24, 2001 – COLIN POWELL SAYS IRAQ IS CONTAINED: "I think we ought to declare [the containment policy] a success. We have kept him contained, kept him in his box." He added Saddam "is unable to project conventional power against his neighbors" and that "he threatens not the United States." [Source: State Department, 2/23/01 and 2/24/01]"

ifn folks cant thank of no other optshuns, thar stuck with the false choices made up by the eethur/or thankers. ye aint gut no room fer shades of gray, no subtlety.

in sted, yer stuck with the pretents that the worl is in the middle of a grand melodrama, whar one side is all good n tuthern is pure evil. long as ye put it thataway, ye dont have to cunsidder whut mite make sumbidy so angry that they wood kill tharselves sos they could attack ye. aint no room to wonder whuther ye increase the risk of terrists ifn ye invade a cuntry n ack lack yer attackin a relijun of 1.2 billyun folks. aint no room fer the fack that thays good muslims n good christchuns n thays badns too.

ye aint even gut room fer whut the bibl sez bout whuther thays innybidy on the hole earth who is all good n not evil: "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23).

we ack lack we dont have to look at our ownself atall to figger how we mite could improov, but agin, ye mite could thank the christchun rite wing wood be innerested in that:

"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." (Matthew 7:1-5)

but in the 1984 vershun of wurds, ifn ye ast whut could we have dun better to keep folks frum wontin to attack us at ever chants, ye git accused of hatin amurka, of bein one of them that blames amurka furst.

thankin that ye mite wonta look at yer ownself to figger could ye have dun sumthing rong? twood take sumbidy lack jesus to bleev ye orta do that kinda thang.

or mayhap jesus jes aint lack he used to be: far as i kin tell frum them that luvs to foller him, he musta changed his view on military mite. no more turnin tuther cheek. no more luvin yer enemies. no more puttin down the sword. no checkin fer the beam in yer own eye.

in sted, ye kin use whutever 'means' ye need long as ye kin cum up with a 'end' that is good, use wurds backwards lack orwell warned we shouldnt never do, eggzagerate or even lie when ye need to, use shock n awe when yer plannin yer liberayshun bombin, praise jesus while yer gathern up riches on earth, stick yer fanger in tuther fellas eye while ye ignore the beam in yer own.

twuznt appeasement to turn mr aznars party out of power in spain. twuz the will of the people. when they wuz marchin agin the war befor the war, they wuz skeered that attackin iraq wood make thangs more dangerus. but mr asnar wuz bold. he dint listn to his people. his vishun wuz clear. but he wuz rong. thangs gut more dangerus. 

corse, twuz sumthin that machiavelli wood advise. as a revuer of kevin phillips amurkin dynasty put it: 'Paraphrasing a passage from Machiavelli's The Prince, Kevin Phillips writes, "a ruler can ignore the mob and devote himself to the interests of the ruling class, gulling the inert majority who constitute the ruled." He then says, "Borgia references aside, 21st-century American readers of The Prince may feel that they have stumbled on a thinly disguised Bush White House political memo." These pointed words would sting regardless of who uttered them, but coming from Phillips, a former Republican strategist, they have an added piquancy.'

so once agin, orwell has cum into his own with a lil deja doodoo all over agin:

lettin timber cumpnies cherry pick the biggest trees in the forst? healthy forests.

lettin polluters increase thar pollushun? clear skies.

invadin n occupyin a nuther cuntry? liberayshun.

war is peace.

celebrayshuns of buddy don:
weddin anniversry

my pallgies fer not doin much in the way of bloggin this weekend. thays a good reason: saturdy wuz the weddin anniversry fer miz bd n me, witch thats one reason we gut us sum lowland sangle malt, witch twuz named glenkinchie n cum frum a distillery near edinburgh scotland, witch thats whar we went to tie the knot. we had us a fine time, spendin the day together, takin a lil walk (too cold to do much more) n pickin out our sangle malt. in the evenin we went to our favert restrunt in hoboken, witch thats the madison bar n grill. twuz miz bds birthday also, so twuz a doubly good time.

skolarship of buddy don (with plenty hep):
added usage eggzamples fer the letter 'b' to the hillbilly dickshunairy

i added sum usage eggzamples fer the letter 'b' to the hillbilly dickshunairy i been a'wurkin on here lately. i tuck almos all of em frum the novel this hole blog is more or less created fer me to rite, witch that wood be life n pinions of buddy don, hillbilly. to make em a lil easier to see, i colord the eggzamples blue. here's a lil idee how they cum out fer the letter 'b':

• 
  
  bettern: [contraction] better than  ("i stowed the bibl trax in the pouch of a seat next to mine thankin maybe sum one else could use em bettern me")
  
  
• 
  
  beverly: [noun] Beverly  ("corse, i wudnt bound fer no beverly hills, not with 80 cent n a box of moon pies to my name")
  
  
• 
  
  bidy: [noun] body  ("whut i hadnt figgerd on wuz how tard a bidy gits after cookin till 3 am, witch thats when the restrunt closed")
  
  
• 
  
  biggern: [contraction] bigger one  ("thang wuz my mamas fambly wuz biggern n bout half dixiecrat even if they wuz livin in east tennessee, so thay wuz lots of vote cancelayshun a'gone on twixt the two sides")
  
  
• 
  
  bildin, buildin: [noun] building  ("mos of oak ridge in them days wuz prefab housin that they brung in whenever they wuz bildin the manhattan projeck")
  
  
• 
  
  bildins, buildins: [noun] buildings  ("them bildins wuz mosly deserted overnite")
  
  
• 
  
  billyun: [noun] billion  ("the nashnull debt wuz all the way up to $380 billyun")
  
  
• 
  
  billyun: [adjective] billion  ("thay wuz a billyun ways to cut it, but it kep on a'growin")
  
  
• 
  
  bilt: [verb] built  ("i wuz sprized whenever the moon cum up at how cold it got so i bilt me a lil far")

evnin plans of buddy don:
agenda in pitchers

 

   

skolarship of buddy don (with plenty hep):
usage eggzamples fer the letter 'a' has been added to the hillbilly dickshunairy
wurd count is up to 1,905

i added sum usage eggzamples fer the letter 'a' to the hillbilly dickshunairy i been a'wurkin on here lately. i tuck almos all of em frum the novel this hole blog is more or less created fer me to rite, witch that wood be life n pinions of buddy don, hillbilly. jes sos ye kin have a  lil idee, heres how sum of em look:

• 
  
  a'larnin: [verb] learning ("he sed it felt better to live in doubt but to be a'larnin bout the truth, than to be sartin ye had the truth but livin in fear of doubt")
  
  
• 
  
  a'layin: [verb] laying ("the two of em wood play fer a hour at a stretch, tinker a'layin in daddys lap n battin at daddys hands n lettin daddy grab his hed")
  
  
• 
  
  albukerkee: [noun] Albuquerque ("10 cent fer albukerkee jurnl")
  
  
• 
  
  a'lettin: [verb] allowing ("she wuz a wunderin why she wuz a'lettin herself be hurt by the lacks of christopher martin")
  
  
• 
  
  algeria: [noun] Algeria ("he wuz in algeria durin the revolushun thar n gut half a ear cut off, witch we hadnt noticed it till then")

i added wurds frum the followin chapturs of the novel: 

• 
  
  8 a man that desurvs his own chaptur
  
  
• 
  
  9 a bird that kin sang n wont sang shud be made to sang
  
  
• 
  
  10 tellin thangs
  
  
• 
  
  11 wurk
  
  
• 
  
  12 dress lack the boss
  
  
• 
  
  13 the motorsickle
  
  
• 
  
  14 hatchin a plan
  
  
• 
  
  15 everthang is everthang n whut ye gone do?
  
  
• 
  
  16 the acksident
  
  
• 
  
  17 could this be all thar is?
  
  
• 
  
  18 stick it!

skolarship of buddy don (with plenty hep):
the hillbilly dickshunairy wurd count is up to 1,900

i aint gut time this mornin to publish it, but i dun added a buncha wurds to the hillbilly dickshunairy. i hope to git it reddy fer publicayshun saturdy. thankee all fer yer hep. i could use more, so ifn ye go here, ye kin see how to doot.

life of buddy don, chaptur 109:
the bankers bash in west berlin

long bout the middle of may in 1980, all 108 of us amurkin d-a-a-d stipendiaten wuz invited on a trip to west berlin with all our eggspentses paid by sum banks, witch if they give us the names of them banks, i faild to rite em down. tuwz a mixd blessin fer me on a counta how they dint allow me to brang emily along. but twuz too good to pass up, so i clumb abord the train n went.

they put us up in the berlin excelsior hotel on hardenburgstraße, witch we wuznt moren a cuple blocks frum the center of the ackshun over to that thar gedächtniskirche. the room wuz grate, the bar wuz open n free n they paid fer all our meals. they tuck us round in a bus to see all the sites emily n i had dun seen durin the two trips we had tuck together.

i broke away frum the crowd bout as quick as i could sos i could walk n give everthang that wuz a'goin on sum thought. durin the ride on the train i had red my diary up till then n as generly happens, i wuz a lil embarrassd n wishd i could git serious bout life n whutever twuz i wuz a'gone do with mine. amung minny cuncerns i had wuz wunderin whut folks wuz spozed to bleeve in. seemd lack the hole worl wuz jes waitin fer the inevtibull war twixt east n west.

wurser than that wuz how neethur side seemd to care much fer innythang but material possesshuns. twuz all a big battle over who wuz a'gonna git the mos. the communists dint bleeve thar wuz a god n ifn twuz true that thar wuznt, then lack dostoevski sed, innythang wuz possibull n nuthin matterd but this verr life. so why not git as much material goods as ye kin? aint nuthin else to go fer. in the west twuz claimd that everbidy bleeved in a life after death n how ye had to do good in this here life to git the reeward in the nextn, but i couldnt never make whut everbidy wuz pursuin n doin in the west match up with whut i had dun red of the bible, witch wuz all of it overn over again whenever me n darlene wuz a'studyin with them jehovuhs witnesses. i kep gittin stuck on thangs lack how ye wuznt spozed to gather up riches in this here worl but store up good deeds in sted, witch they wood be yer riches fer the nex worl.

whenever i wuz lil n bleeved everthang my daddy tole me, i figgerd twuz a grand battle twixt good n evil, but the more i studied on whut eethur side had dun, the more i cum away with the real eye zayshun that wuz a simple matter of us agin them. me n emily dint hang round with amurkins in frankfurt too much. our friends wuz frieda n erika, witch they wuz thonly germans we gut to know verr well, n markette frum finland n john thomas frum england n winston ngowa frum tanzania n branimir frum yugoslavia, witch he always correckted us to say croatia. thay wuz a passel of otherns that i dont member thar names, but thang wuz, everone of em wuz frum sumplace differnt, but even so, seemd lack they all -- n purty soon, ye could say, we all -- gut to seein thangs alike. ye couldnt say one side wuz all good or all evil on a counta how neethur side wood hesitate to do innythang to git its way. ye had yer soviets takin over afghanistan n yer amurkins payin muslim radiculls to fite agin em. bof sides had em a nuff atomick bombs to wipe out everthang n seems lack that kinda thang is hard to square with the bible, period.

so i walked the streets of berlin, trine to git away frum whar the forn tursts all lacked to go, a'thankin n a'thankin more on whut is it we should be a'doin? at one point i cum upon a lil narrow street. thay wuz a cadillack stuck on it on a counta twuz too big to turn roun n git out. thay wuz a lil bunch of kids gatherd round, all of em laffin n pointin thar fangers n sayin whut idiots we amurkins wuz fer wastin so much of the worls energy n awl resurves by drivin huge inefishunt cars. corse folks wuz payin bout four times as much fer gas in west germany than we wuz in amurka, so they dint wont no big cars.

but i couldnt git to no conclushun on thangs. wuz the anser gittin involved with pallticks n trine to make thangs rite? or wuz it better to wurk on savin yer own sole? did ye need to change socidey? or yer ownself? wuz it overly self-indulgent to wurk on yer own salvayshun when thay wuz so much sufferin caused by the ackshuns of yer gummint, witch twuz spozed to be under the cuntrol of the people, but it dint seem lack it sumtimes. they wuz this claim by so minny amurkins bout bein christchun, but when it cum rite down toot, wuznt hardly nobidy a'gonna give up thar possesshuns lack they dun in the bible in the early days. in fack, it seemed lack the hole relijun had been turnt into a eggscuse to try to git rich.

corse ye could walk yer laigs off n not cum to no ansers when yer astin such hard questchuns, so i cum back to the hotel n had me a good dinner. the nex day, witch twuz a mundy, they give us whut they call freie verfügung, witch that means free decree wurd fer wurd, but whut it meant wuz how we could go n do whutever we wonted. they give us dm70 as taschengeld n far as i could tell, mos everbidy did the same thang with it, witch that wuz to git over to checkpoint charley n go thru to east berlin.

twuz my thurd trip behind the iron curtain so i dint wonta walk round lookin at the places meant fer tursts, witch i had dun seen mos all of em. i tuck the mos deeserted side streets n tride to git to whar folks wuz livin thar lives without specktin no amurkins to cum by. i walked n walked till i cum on a bookstore that wuznt lack nun i had seen. they wuz sellin thangs lack the bible n new testament n other relijus texts. folks wood cum in astin fer eckumenicull or liturgickull texts. twuznt nuthin lack the big bookstores on alexander platz or spandauer straße, whar they wood have big sines sayin 'die klassiker' with arrows pointin at the sacred texts of the communists, the marx n engels n lenin stuff but nary a copy of no goethe or schilling or nietzsche.

i stayed thar lookin at the books fer quite a spell. twuznt a big store, so i could see mos everthang they had, but i wuz innerested in how twuz so differnt frum whut ye wood see in the better known places. i kep waitin till i gut a chants to talk to the woman that run the place. i gut to talkin with her n twuz odd how she sed almos the same thangs folks in west germany wuz a'sayin, witch she figgerd thay wuznt no way the worl wood let the germans to be together in a sangle cuntry agin. n she also sed sumthin that stuck with me to this verr day, witch she sed all the fussin n fitin n threats of war twixt the two sides wuznt all that importunt. all the problems in the worl cums frum inside folks but thar too scaird to look inside fer the anser. in sted, the spend thar hole lives lookin fer the anser outside, witch ye caint fix the outside usin a insterment thats deefecktiv inside.

that evenin them banks sent us out to a play, der hofmeister by jmr lenz, witch we all watched it n then gut into a big fuss n fite, all as plite as could be, bout whut we had dun seen. twuz almos as if we had seen differnt plays even tho the hole thang wuz in plane german, witch we all shoulda been able to unnerstand that by then. after all, we wuz all students thar a'studyin thangs lack geschichte n philosophie n deutsche grammatik n mos everthang ye kin thank of ceptn english, so shorely we could follow a play. i wuz purt shore i had unnerstood mos ever wurd, but thay wuz others jes as shore bout whut they thunk they had seen. thay wuz even a young lady amung us who had her a copy of the play in bof german n english, witch she had seen the same play i had, but even tho she wuz proovin her point a'usin it, thay wuz plenty that dint bleeve it.

nex nite they had a big party fer us all. turnt out they wuz wontin to thank amurka fer all the hep we had give em a'usin that marshall plan. i never saw such luxry. they had em a bank house with the finest art on the wall n antique furnitchur n a strang quarter providin the musick n the best food ye could eat n plenty of fine wines n good beer. n the idee wuz to let us all mingle whar we could talk.

twuz a nuther sprize. i dint meet a sangle person that had the kinda doubts bout the amurkin way of life i wuz havin. not a one seemd to thank twuz bad fer the soviets n the usa to be pointin atomick weppons at each other. they dint seem to keer bout the way we had the germans set up to be the furst fiters ifn the war cum or how twood put germans agin germans, whuther they lacked it or not. in sted, they wuz all talkin bout the cars they wuz a'gonna buy n how glad they wuz a'gonna be to git away frum the germs, witch they used that wurd moren inny bunch i ever met. they wonted to git rich n enjoy all the good thangs in life.

i couldnt git a sangle one of em to unnerstan the differnts twixt lookin fer the anser on the outside n lookin fer it on the inside. one feller even tole me twuz the rite of ever christchun to git rich on a counta thats whut god wonted fer em. i ast him why wuz it jesus had spent all his time with pore folk, but he sed he dint wonta argue relijun, so i quit astin him.

next day, most of em flew back to thar places in west germany. i larnt then that i wuz thonly one that had tuck the train, witch i wuz glad i had dun it on a counta havin so much to thank on, mainly how it seemd lack we wuz all watchin histry together, but still not seein the same play.

skolarship of buddy don (with plenty hep):
parts o'speech has been added to the hillbilly dickshunairy
wurd count up to 1,540!

well, i gut my lil eggcell program wurkin, witch that should make it a lil easier to add thangs lack new wurds n parts o'speech. by n by i hope to add eggzamples of usage n pernunceeayshun n such lack, but rite now i need to splain to them folks overn manhattan how im a'runnin a lil late.

ifn ye wonta hep with sum wurds ye know, thays instruckshuns bout how ye kin doot at the verr beginnin of the hillbilly dickshunairy. the pays piss poor, witch all ye git is a lil fame as a skolar n a lank to yer site . . . n my thanks.

revus of buddy don:
tuesdys blogsurvayshuns: cuple pundits

tiz tuesdy n that means tiz time to give ye sum blogsurvayshuns, witch thats my own hifalutin wurd fer revus of blogs. i dun picked on the followin blogs by doin revus of em:  

• Purls Before Swine
  
• Voluntarily in China
  
• SayUncle
  
• Straight White Guy
  
• Oh Really
  
• Old Catman's Brain Farts
  
• Sugarfused
  
• David Alan Wolters Photography
  
• The Blog Formelry Known as Queen Medb's Castle
  
• A Smokey Mountain Journal
  
• The Dagley Dagley Daily

today im gonna pay tenchun to cupla sites thats devoted mosly to punditry. the wurd pundit cums frum the hindi langwage, witch it means a educayted person, a learned one, a skolar, that kinda thang. nowdays, tiz used to point to folks thats given out thar pinions n the argumints behind em. to tell the goodns frum tutherns, in my pinion, theys a cuple thangs ye gut to watch fer:

1. intelleckchewall honesty: thays plenty of woodbe pundits out thar that lacks to take idees frum other folk n repeat em, witch when ye do that without givin credit whar tiz due, taint intelleckchewall honesty. 
   
2. arguments, not jes cute comments or the futherin of sumbidy elses fuss n fite: a good pundit will show ye the evidents, put it together in sum kinda coheesiv argument that makes a point. lots of yer commentary sites dont do much moren give ye a lank with a comment long the lines of how they knew the worl wuz goin to hell in a handbasket in this here lank is proof. or they mite rite, 'see here (n the lank wood be on the word 'here'), them [pick one] ... (1) publicans, (2) demcrats, (3) libruls, (4) cunservtivs, (5) wingnuts, (6) moonbats, (7) folks that dont thank jes lack i do or (8) folks that dont thank jes lack the party i root fer ... is at it agin.' this kinda thang aint whut i call good punditry. tiz lettin us all know whut ye red today n witch side yer a'rootin fer. a good pundit gives ye a argument that kin make ye thank or make ye a lil more educayted.

thays minny a one that tries this kinda thang. here's a cuple i lack a lot.

South Knox Bubba
far be it frum me to critsize mr. bubba on a counta hes dun more fer me than i could ever do in return. fack is, ye kin find a lil of everthang, good n bad, on his site. thang is, ifn ye stop by often, yer bound to run into gems lack Apocalypse November, witch tiz not only sum fine punditry, but well writ to boot. granted, he lacks to give ye the quick hit comments n thays purty perdicktabull, but im sprized at how often he finds thangs ye dont see everwhar, witch i preciate that. hes also dun sum grate bits of ackshul jurnalism, lack when he cuverd wes clarks or george bushs visits to k-town. he kin also sprize ye with his views, departin frum the standurd moonbat lines, such as his take on religious discrimination, the divinty student case. but fer me, whut makes his site speshul is his eggcellent punditry: The Whole World Is Watching:  A History of Uncivil Disobedience, SOTU Speech (he was as quick to spot this dog fer whut twuz as innybidy out thar), n his reportin of the real state of amurkin commerce with these two, one on pizza hut name of Happy New Year! n tuthern on his eggsperients with abercrombie n fitch name of 'Tis the Season.  hes also gut a real strong stummick, witch thats how he kin put together a Freepers on Parade: the Best of 2003. i reckon everbidy alreddy knows bout his talent with photoshop, witch that aint eggzackly punditry, but it aint eggzakly not.

Second-Day Lede
this here blog is purty much bran new but off to a grate start, witch that aint no sprize to me on a counta tiz the wurk of my cuzin janet dagley dagley. in case ye dont know much bout her, she wus the kind that made strate a marks in skool in even gut skipped frum secunt to thurd grade, the kind yer mama wood use as a eggzample of how ye oughta do. thang is, i dint git to know her much atall till jes recently when it turnt out we wuz bof in the nyc metropoltun area. innywho, she wuz born to rite bout whuts a'goin on in this here worl, witch she wuz gittin paid fer writin jurnalism by the time she wuz 18 years old. shes dun writ fer the dayton daily news, the orange county register n the los angeles times. in short, she knows jurnalism inside out, n thats bof the promiss n the best thang bout second day lede. shes lookin at how jurnalism wurks n how sum stories is played big to hide otherns. shes wurkin on doin pure punditry, witch thats verr hard to do. sum eggzamples: Why same-sex marriage isn't for the majority, or the states, to decide; The news story that wasn't; Lord of the Hats in the Ring; n Truffle-skin ballots may be our only hope. ye kin discount whut i say bout this here blog on a counta it bein writ by a cuzin of mine, but please give it a read furst. ye wont be disappointed. fack is, i dint lack folks tellin me i oughta be more lack her whenever i wuz lil, but im lackin her purty good now n wishin i could rite lack she duz.

add vice of buddy don:
dont waste yer time thisaway!

i wonted to cum up with a easier way of keepin up with the hillbilly dickshunairy, so i put it into a eggcell spredsheet n tride to see could i cum up with a lil vba program to do the hardes parts of cleanin up the wurds. i figgerd twood take mayhap 20 mints, witch that jes shows ye how long its been since i wuz doin nuthin but vba programmin full-time. fer one thang, tiz amazin how minny lil tricks ye kin fergit. fer a nuther, seems lack debuggin the program ye writ takes longern ever! so i dint git close to bein dun with it but i did waste my hole mornin thankin twuz gone be easy n quick. twuznt eethur one.

free time of buddy don:
todays agenda

they say a pitcher is wurth a 1,000 wurds. heres 3,000 wurth.

 

   

skolarship of buddy don everbidy:
the hillbilly dickshunairy hits 1,413 wurds!

The Hillbilly Dickshunairy
Vol I, No. 4                           March 6, 2004

im plum tuckerd out. i been wurkin on that thang all day, stickin in the wurds frum the furst seven chapturs of the novel im a'ritin name of life n pinions of buddy don, hillbilly:

• chaptur 1: leevin home
  
• chaptur 2: runnin away
  
• chaptur 3: tis better lucky than good
  
• chaptur 4: lil gurl in a pink dress
  
• chaptur 5: a athesit n a jehovuhs witness
  
• chaptur 6: this one gurl name of darlene
  
• chaptur 7: stayns n uther complicayshuns

i dun had sum fine hep frum other skolars in the field, listed below. i thank em one n all. ifn ye wood lack cuntribute, yed git the same treatment, witch ye kin find out how to git yer wurds er frazes added over at the hillbilly dickshunairy.

Thanks and Kudos
to the followin skolars
(wurds suggested so far)

SemiPundit (24)
South Know Bubba (19)
SayUncle (6)
lovable liberal (5)
Jean Jenkins (5)
Cleek (4)
[hay cleek: whut duz skeenk mean?]
Tommy Acuff (3)
Chris Woodby (3)
Skip Perry (3)
Phillip J. Birmingham (3)
andrew adams (2)
Smijer (2)
Dhawk (1)
Janet Dagley Dagley (1)

quizzes of buddy don:
whut is truth?

twuz a questchun ast in the bible by pilate (john 18:38):  'Pilate saith unto him, What is truth?' i aint gonna git into no flossofy here. i jes wonted to kindly ast fer hep in figgern out witch of these thangs below is true, so i put together a lil essay quiz.

 

statement #1 – frum a new york times editoryull: Speaking of 9/11 in January 2003, President Bush told The Associated Press that he had "no ambition whatsoever to use this as a political issue."

statement #2 – frum reuters news service via yahoo: 'Families who lost relatives in the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks voiced outrage on Thursday at President Bush's first ads of his re-election campaign that use images of the devastated World Trade Center to portray him as the right leader for tumultuous times.'

questchun #1: kin bofem statements be true? n ifn they is, please splain it so even a hillbilly lack buddy don kin git it.

 

step #1 – frum a boston globe articull: 'To avert a funding crisis in Social Security due to the impending retirement of the baby boom generation, a commission headed by Alan Greenspan in the early 1980s proposed major changes in Social Security, including increases in payroll tax rates.

'These changes would generate revenues far in excess of monies needed to pay current benefits. The surplus would be used to pay down the federal debt so that future borrowing to provide Social Security to retired baby boomers would not strain the economy. Congress heeded the commission's recommendations and raised payroll taxes.'

step #2 – frum the same articull: 'The Social Security surplus has helped drive down federal debt by $1.46 trillion between 1983 and 2003. For fiscal years 2005 through 2009, the Congressional Budget Office projects a surplus in the Social Security Trust Fund of just over $1 trillion and a deficit in the rest of the budget of $2.49 trillion. Not only will that $2.49 trillion deficit in the rest of the budget entirely consume the Social Security surplus anticipated over the next five years, it will wipe out the Social Security surplus built up over the previous 20 years to finance baby boom retirements.'

step #3 – frum paul krugmans articull in the new york times: 'The payroll tax is regressive: it falls much more heavily on middle- and lower-income families than it does on the rich. In fact, according to Congressional Budget Office estimates, families near the middle of the income distribution pay almost twice as much in payroll taxes as in income taxes. Yet people were willing to accept a regressive tax increase to sustain Social Security.

Now the joke's on them. Mr. Greenspan pushed through an increase in taxes on working Americans, generating a Social Security surplus. Then he used that surplus to argue for tax cuts that deliver very little relief to most people, but are worth a lot to those making more than $300,000 a year. And now that those tax cuts have contributed to a soaring deficit, he wants to cut Social Security benefits.'

questchun #2: since thangs dont add up in all them plans n statements frum our gummints mr. greenspan, thay must be a lie sumwhars. kin ye spot it? of ifn ye druther, kin ye spot the truth in it? n ifn ye kin, wood ye splain it so even a hillbilly lack buddy don kin git it?

 

statement #1 – frum a washington post editoryull: 'Anyone who questions his call for making the tax cuts permanent is seeking to raise taxes on ordinary Americans. "Our opponents have their own plan for these tax cuts -- they plan to take them away," Mr. Bush told a gathering of Republican governors.'

statement #2 – frum the same articull: 'Sens. John F. Kerry (Mass.) and John Edwards (N.C.) would both keep in place the parts of the Bush tax cuts that the president most likes to tout: the $1,000 child tax credit, marriage penalty relief, the new 10 percent tax bracket. Rather, they would undo the parts of the Bush tax cut that go to taxpayers earning more than $200,000.'

questchun #3: kin ye parse out the truth frum them two statments n make the anser simple?

 

cunundrum – frum paul krugmans articull in todays new york times: 'The annual report of the Social Security system's trustees reveals a system in pretty good financial shape. In fact, it would take only modest injections of money to maintain that system's current benefit levels for at least the next 75 years. Other reports, however, appear to portray a system in deep financial trouble. For example, a 2002 Treasury study, described on Tuesday in The New York Times, claims that Social Security and Medicare are $44 trillion in the red. What's the truth?'

questhun #4: same questchun mr. krugman is astin at the end of the cunundrum pargraf, whuts the truth? agin, kin ye splain thisn in terms so simple even a hillbilly lack buddy don kin git it? ye mite half to read the hole articull.

 

last eggzample frum the same articull: 'As Mr. Bush sounds his one-note economic theme, it's a good time to recall his ever-shifting arguments for his ever-present solution of tax cuts. At the start, Mr. Bush pointed to the budget surplus. He noted that taxes as a percentage of the economy were at their highest level since World War II -- and high taxes were needed back then to fight the war. But now that the promised surplus has vanished, taxes are at their lowest level as a share of the economy in 40 years and the country is in the midst of another war, Mr. Bush sees no need for any similar sacrifice. Instead, the argument now is that the tax cuts must be made permanent so as not to imperil the economic recovery. But many of the cuts don't expire until 2010. Is Mr. Bush suggesting that the economy will still be faltering then?'

questchun #lastn: witch cum furst, the policy? or the reason we need the policy? n ifn ye thank tiz the latter, why do them reasons keep on a'changin? member to make it simple a nuff sos even a hillbilly lack buddy don kin git it.

ifn yer brave a nuff to take this here quiz, ye kin put yer ansers in the comments. thankee.

medicull examinayshuns of buddy don:
pointment with famus dr. alexander mauskop

a cuple days ago, me n miz bd went on over to the upper east side of manhattan sos i could have my pointment with dr. alexander mauskop, witch hes famus fer bein hed of the new york hedache center. twuz a lil lack watchin one of them chefs that makes sushi, witch thats a deelishus kinda raw fish rapped roun a lil glob of sticky rice. ifn ye ever seen one of em in ackshun, then ye know they dont hardly waste no moshuns. so twuz with this feller. he gut me to lookin thisaway n walkin thataway n he looked in my eyes with a lite thang he had n made me walk a strate line lack he wuz a wunderin wuz i drunk, witch i wisht i coulda been. yew name it, he dun it to me to find out whut wuz a'cawsin the problem.

best news is whuts not cawsin it: taint no tumor, taint no anyourism, taint no other weird nuthin a'growin in my hed, witch i sorta dun proved that by puttin up them pitchers of my brane.

but the news wuznt all good. fer one thang, he tole me i wood half to quit drankin coffee, witch thays lil in this worl i luv moren a good cup of strong black coffee. then he give me a bunch of thangs to take everday lack migralief n Co Q10 n tole me i wuz a'gonna half to quit takin migraine strangth excedrin everday lack i been a'doin since bout a year ago. finely, he sed i wood half to git 20-30 mints or aerobick ecksersize everday, witch i dont know how ima gone wurk that in on a counta how i wurk 11 hours a day n spend a cuple on blogs n the res with miz bd. but twill half to be dun!

finely, i wonta send out a big thankee to deb of sugarfused fer sendin me this articull on migraines name of 'Not all headaches are created equal.' ifn ye dint know, deb is one of the worls best riters of haiku. go over thar n check to see if thay aint one ye lack near the top of the page or click on her lank to haiku.

more skolarship of buddy don everbidy:
30 wurds or frazes added to the hillbilly dickshunairy

nobidy could be more sprized than me bout how folks is heppin with the hillbilly dickshunairy. i gut goodns frum SemiPundit, andrew adams, tommy acuff of Big Stupid Tommy fame, the lovable liberal n the garden party. tiz almos moren i kin handle, but thats jes the kinda problem i lack. one thang i wood ast, witch ifn yer a'wantin to hep out with sum wurds or frazes ye know, please send em to me by email or by puttin in comments at the bottom of the dickshunairy. twood be even better ifn ye did bof.

sum wus wunderin bout whuther i wuz innerested in frazes lack 'it cum a flood' or 'my heds a bustin.' anser is ye couldnt hardly find nuthin i lack more.

progress so far: we dun made it to 936 wurds or frazes. thankee fer yer hep . . . n keep it a'cummin!

skolarship of buddy don everbidy:
the hillbilly dickshunairy is up to 906 wurds!

aint no way to thank folks proper lack, but i do wonta let the worl know how i been gittin plenty hep with the hillbilly dickshunairy. i ast fer a lil hep yesterdy n the followin folks cum thru:

• Chris Woodby
  
• Jean Jenkins
  
• Janet Dagley Dagley
  
• Skip Perry
  
• cleek
  
• Phillip J. Birmingham
  
• lovable liberal
  
• SayUncle
  
• South Knox Bubba

thankee one n all!

a quick note to them that wonts to hep: ye probly orta send me email to make shore i dont miss yer wurds.

skolarship of buddy don:
the hillbilly dickshunairy n how ye kin hep make it better

mayhap ye know sum wurds that blongs in the hillbilly dickshunairy. ifn ye let me know bout em, ye stand to win the follerin mosly wurthless prizes:

(1) a listin of yer wurd or fraze in the hillbilly dickshunairy;

(2) a lank frum wandering hillbilly to yer site with a wurd of thanks frum buddy don, n

(3) a lank to yer site frum the hillbilly dickshunairy.

heres how ye kin share yer wurd or fraze with the worl by gittin it into the dickshunairy:

1. figger out a wurd or fraze that oughta be in thar
   
2. rite it down in a email to buddy don OR . . .
   
3. rite it down in a comment to the hillbilly dickshunairy

i speshly favor eggspreshuns lack 'lawsy day' or sayins lack 'its untellin' or wurds that aint used everwhar, lack 'skillet' or 'vittles,' but innythang will be cunsidderd n probly put in.

revus of buddy don:
tuesdys revu of sum favert blogs

as ye mite have noticed, i try to hilight a few blogs ever tuesdy. i look fer them that seems to stand out fer sum reason. i dun tole ye a bunch of criteria i been a'usin fer blogs that relies manely on wurds. to date, we have looked at the followin fine blogs, either direck or by passin menchun:

• Purls Before Swine
  
• Voluntarily in China
  
• SayUncle
  
• Straight White Guy
  
• Oh Really
  
• Old Catman's Brain Farts
  
• Sugarfused

today im gonna pay tenchun to four sites that shares good originull pitchers with us. heres my criteria:

1. originull: the pitchers cant be stole frum sumbidy else, witch theys a passel of theeves out thar in the blogosphere who bleeves that ifn they aint makin money on a site, then taint rong to steal frum fotogruffers who sell thar wurk fer a livin, witch thats jes rong logick on a counta tiz theft ifn ye take it without astin. period. 
   
2. story tellin: theys a sayin bout ever pitcher tells a story, but lack folks, thays good story-tellers n them that aint so good n fer my money, the ones im revuin today are the goodns.

David Alan Wolters Photography
sos we kin all git a good idee bout how good pitchers kin git, heres the site of a perfeshnull feller i found out about via Purls Before Swine. with pitchers this good, ye dont need too minny wurds frum me to muck em up, so bes way to larn bout how good pitchers kin git is to go to the site.

The Blog Formerly Known as Queen Medb's Castle
far as i kin tell, queen medb aint no perfeshnull fotogruffer, but shes gut a grate eye fer a good foto. fer instunts, she cawt the bes part of the snow here n here. but thems jes a warm up, cold as they mite look. ye kin scroll thru all her pitchers here. amung my faverts are them of the stuff she dun found in stoneys attick, lack my favert, witch it looks a lot lack a gittar but smells lack a cigret butt. dont go lookin at them thangs frum stoneys attick ifn ye aint gut a strong stumach!

A Smokey Mountain Journal
a feller name of fletcher runs this here site n i have to add mitt tiz one of my verr faverts. i try to check it everday. ifn ye long fer the mountains n cant git to em verr often, this heres the place fer ye to go. tiz hard to pick faverts frum amung all his pitchers, but heres a few that oughta git ye started good: cow n genlemun, walking the line, just one more morning, n monarch of the mountain.

favertism alert: the nextn is a blog by my cuzin janet dagley dagley!

The Dagley Dagley Daily
my cuzin lives jes across the river frum manhattan n she makes good use of her point of view to take pitchers. tiz a hole nuther worl cumpard to fletchers smokey mounains with pitchers lack calm reflections, toy gun trick was no treat, n a series of fotos showin a cruze ship cum in name of watch this space.

skolarship of buddy don:
hillbilly dickshunairy up to 877 wurds

via SayUncle, we gut us a nuther wurd, thisn 'jeet,' witch he points out how that means 'have you dined this evening?'

revues of buddy don:
ledaig sangle malt scotch whiskey

this weekend me n miz bd deecided to add to our sangle malt scotch whiskey colleckshun. we gut us a bottle of ledaig from the isle of mull. we dint know nuthin bout it but we lacked the name n twuz under $50, so we gut it. thisn could turn into a favert, tho we aint tride one we dint lack. i wont say much else bout it ceptn to say i bleev twuz made fer luvers. we put on a lil brazilyun musick n gut to sippin n sparkin n all n i reckon ye mite could say we had us a gran ole time.

skolarship of buddy don:
hillbilly dickshunairy up to 876 wurds

a speshul thankee n kudos to smijer fer suggestin two more wurds fer the hillbilly dickshunairy: waller n eckscort. thays bof goodns.

notes of buddy don:
whut happend to chaptur 108

thays a ole sayin in the ritin biz, witch tiz that thar aint no such thang as riting, jes re-ritin. ye kin jes magine the kinda job i gut a hed of me whenever i git dun with the hole life n pinions of buddy don, hillbilly. tiz alreddy over 800 pages n the parts thats dun writ could be broke into a cuple of books, so to speak, two parts of the hole thang. i wuz talkin bout that verr thang with a publisher tuther day. she wood be reddy to cunsidder doin a volume or two now, but i dont wonta take my tenchun off gittin the hole thang writ thru befor goin back over everthang.

innywho, tuther day whenever i rote the furst draft of chaptur 108, i dint have a nuff time to doot rite. i had slept a lil late that nite n had a early meetin i had to git to, so i wuznt atall happy with the result. i know how twill be importunt to go over the hole novel once tiz dun sos i kin do a majur rewrite of everthang, but now n then i cant take how poorly a chaptur stands at a moment. so i dun a edit of chaptur 108, witch is whut ye see below. it still dont doot justus, but tiz a lil closer n should remind me whut i need to do.

i pray i live long a nuff n that my helth dont fail. thays a bunch yet to go on this tale n i dream of the satisfackshun of gittin it dun.

life of buddy don, chaptur 108:
good times in west germany

once classes cummenced fer the sprang, seemed lack me n emily finely gut the swang of thangs. fer one thang, we wuz bof takin classes in english. fer a nuther, we had larnt that i had been ackcepted to utk graduwait skool in english with a teachin assistuntship n she had gut a teachin assistuntship fer the secunt year of her masters program. we had finely sussed out the way the west german holidays wurked, witch till then we had us sum awful hungry times on a counta not stockin up on food when a three day weekend wuz a'cummin up.

but the mane thang that made everthang better wuz our good friend frieda muller. she wuz a skinny thang with skoliosis whar her backbone wuznt all that strate. her sister erika had the same thang. she had her the purtiest brownish red hair n a smile that wood melt the coldest hart. she n emily tuck up a friendship the lack of witch ye dont often see betwixt two folks frum such differnt cultchurs. they bofem lacked to smoke a lot, so sum evenins they wood go out while i lay aroun the apartment readin.

fack is, once i had quit trine to do sumthin significunt in flossofy, everthang got real good. thay wuznt minny people on the planet that lacked to read as much as me n emily did n once we knew whut we wuz a'gonna do whenever we gut back to knoxvull, well, we figgerd the rest of the time in frankfurt am main wuz more or less of a bonus. so ifn frieda wuznt gittin us to go off with her sumwhars lack heidelberg or würzburg or wertheim, we wood lay roun the house readin out loud to each other or jes readin in the same room together. we gut to whar thay wuznt hardly a book in the englische bibliotek that we hadnt dun red or tride to read. we even red sum folks we probly never wooda give much time, norman mailer fer instunts, witch emily woodnt read no more of him after the mane character in an amurkin dream killt his wife in the furst chaptur, or all of philip roths books or ever thang bernard malamud or saul bellow had writ up till then. corse we red sum of the big sellers of the time lack the worl accordin to garp by john irving n then once we sorta lacked thatn, we red up everthang else he had writ.

but manely, we let frieda show us her cuntry n twuz a wonderful thang to see thru her eyes. twuz as if she wuz makin shore we gut to know her corner of the worl befor we gut away. heres sum of the places she tuck us.

würzburg: die residenz
she tuck us to die residenz in würzburg, witch twuz one of the mos amazin sites we had ever seen. everthang inside wuz dun up in a style they call baroke. thay wuz more gold n ornaments n purty stuff in each one of them rooms than ye could hardly take in. one of the mos amazin thangs bout it wuz this long staircase in the middle of a huge room. the steps wuz barly three inches hi, so twuz a long walk to git frum on level to the nex. thay wuz a guide thar that splained how whenever die residenz wuz ackshly bein used by the church figgers that lived thar, mos folk that gut to visit wuz so fat they could barly climb inny stairs. twuz the furst time innybidy splained how twuz cunsidderd sexy to be a lil on the fat side on a counta twuz a sine ye wuz gittin a nuff to eat, witch dint everbidy git that.

wertheim: weiß bier
nuther thang frieda wuz rite proud of bout her cuntry wuz the bier. tiz a argument twixt yer germans n yer czechs bout who makes better bier, but frum whut i have sampled, ye cant go rong with either one. frieda lacked to splain thangs bout her cuntry that emily had dun splained to me, lack how ifn ye tuck a map of germany frum the 16th century, ye wood see sum 1,500 lil principalities n other lil gummints of sum kind. so twuz that in mos inny lil burg ye went to ye could find a castle n a differnt kind of wurst n a differnt kind of bier. she tuck us to wertheim am main, fer instunts, witch twuz jes down the rode frum frankfurt am main, but thangs wuz differnt. they had em a castle on the far side of the river, witch ye could see it in the distunts, witch we tuck sum pitchers, n then we hiiked rite up to it n went inside to look arond at all the ole stuff they had saved frum back whenever the castle wuz used fer kingly folk. after we had looked all over that castle, we went back down across the river to sum lil kneipe she knew bout n thar we had us sum weiß bier n sum speshul wurst, witch i cant ritely recall whut wuz speshul bout the wurst, but the beir wuz unlack inny we had ever tasted till then.

heidelberg in the rain
she tuck us to heidelberg one time with a cuple of other friends. i member how it gut to rainin fer a while n i wuz struck be jes how direck germans kin be. in english we say, 'tiz rainin,' but in german ye say, es regnet, witch that means 'it rains.' ye cant git no more direck than that, kin ye? innywho, i dont member much of whut we saw. the castle wuz clozed fer sum kinda renovashun, so we dint git to go in it. we did git the feelin bout how beeyootiful the lil town wuz, but the way twuz rainin on n off, twuz hard to member much else. i will never fergit a nuther moment of direck langwage. we had a cuple of friedas friends with us, witch one wuz a fat sloppy woman name of helga. we wuz wanderin roun in the rain fer the mos part, duckin into lil places fer coffee n hot chocklut whenever the rain gut too bad. twood fall fer a spell n then the sun wood cum out n jes when ye wuz gittin cumfterbull, twood rain agin. innywho, the sun cum out fer a lil while n i had my umbrella clozed up, but that wernt good a nuff fer helga. she cum over n tole me i had to open it. i ast her why n she said, 'sonst stinkt daß,' witch meant otherwise it stinks. twuz the kinda direck talkin i have always luved bout german.

frankfurt am main: friends in kneipes
n she innerduced us to all her friens, witch that hepped us larn a lot more german on a counta how sum of em figgerd we should speak the langwage of the land we lived in. we wood have long evenins in sum kneipe, witch thats a bar in english ceptn we dont use em lack fambly places in amurka the way they dun in west germany. folks treated drankin a lil differnt, lease in 1980 in west germany. ye could go to a lokal or kneipe n spend the hole evenin playin cards n mayhap ye wood buy a cuple of beers. nobidy wood shoo ye out. fack is, ye couldnt hardly git into no german homes on a counta folk wood generly meet up in sum such place.

twuz in such a place i wuz told sumthin that i never fergut. thay musta been fifteen or twenty of us all a sittin on a long table drankin beer n eatin our dinner. by then emily wuz happy to sit over by frieda n let frieda do the talkin fer her, witch i wood sit amungst folk that lacked to speak german. so twuz that i wuz sittin with the guys at one end of the table while the ladies wuz at tuther end. we wuz arguin over why english wuz a better langwage fer rock n roll, witch one of them germans sed that german wuznt no good fer rock n roll on a counta it bein too umständlich, witch wurd fer wurd that means stand-around-ish but in english ye put it down as pedantick.

we wuz a'goin purty good whenever a nuther feller cum in. he could here rite away that i wuznt no german, so he ast whar wuz i frum. i splained how i wuz frum tennessee, witch i had to splain how twuz in amurka n wuznt near california or texas or miami or new york, witch at that time, them wuz the main places yer average german seemed to know mos about. innywho, twuz a sprize whenever the feller sed he couldnt bleeve no amurkin could speak german thataway. i tole him how it had been a real struggle to git much of innythang fer the furst three munths, but after that, seemed lack i could more or less git whut wuz a'goin on.

he laffed n splained how ifn ye wonted a langwage, twuz a simple matter. ye git ye a lover n three munths later, ye gut the langwage. everbidy laffed. they gut to splainin how diffent ones of em had dun larnt czech or polish or french usin jes that method.

die hausfeier im land
innywho, frieda wuz the furst person to invite us into her home n fack is, she wuz thonly one ceptn she gut us invited into a nuther home fer a party n then out to a cuntry place fer a house party. that house party wuz down in the black forest area n twuz as close to real woods as we gut the hole time we wuz thar. thang bout west germany wuz how ever inch of land wuz bein used fer sumthin so ye dint see vacant lots or wasted area. if nuthin else, sumbidy wood cum a long n plant em a lil garden. turnt out frieda wuz friends with sum rich folk n they had em a exter house in the cuntry, so they wuz a party out thar fer a weekend with mayhap twenty folk. cant member all of em, but frieda n erika wuz thar. twuz a verr relaxin weekend.

best thang bout it wuz how thay wuz a feller thar frum iran name of ali. after we had et n wuz sittin roun the lil fireplace area outside n drankin wine or bier, we gut to talkin. turnt out ali had real good german n english bof n he had been in iran whenever the students tuck the amurkins hostage. everbidy wonted to here bout how the iranians had roused tharselves to fite back agin the amurkins, witch thats how everbidy wuz a'puttin it. but he sed twuznt thataway atall. turnt out thay wuz sum kinda nouncement on the bbc bout how ifn ye showed up in the main square thar in tehran, ye wood git ye sum tide detergent n sum mazola corn oil fer free. he sed that wuz whut gut the crowd out n once they wuz thar, twuz a purty easy trick to git em roused up agin amurka on a counta how they hated the shah n blamed amurka fer givin him power over em.

whenever he tole bout that, thangs gut verr quite. nobidy sed nuthin fer a long spell till he finely broke the silence by splainin how in his cuntry, when thays a bunch of folk sittin roun n everthang gits quite, tiz a sine that a basturd chile is bein born sumwhars. that made everbidy laff but him n seemed lack he wuz a lil sprized that folks wood laff at such a thang. i figgerd the odds wuz with him n a basturd wuz bein born, tho it seems lack ye could say that mos inny time, day or nite.

dinner at home with frieda n erika
but frieda n erika havin us over to thar house wuz the real honor. corse, they had to doot whenever thar parnts wuz out. we went over n had the typickull evenin meal of fresh bread n cheeses n cold cuts n butter n jam, that kinda thang. corse, we had us sum wine with it. twuz a grate evenin. they wuz rich folk, had em a indoor swimmin pool n a lil gym area whar the gurls wuz spozed to wurk on gittin thar backs to straten up. twuz funny to here em splain everthang they had in thar lack twuz a meedevil tortchur chamber. fer instunts, they called one of em the blutkopf folterung, witch that meant blood hed tortchur on a counta twuz a pair of boots they wuz spozed to put on sos they could dangle with thar heds down, witch the idee wuz how twood let thar backs git strate. then erika wonted us to splain sum of the lyrics to musick she lacked, witch her favert wuz joan armatrading. we also had to listn to the wall by pink floyd, witch i lacked em purty good up till wish ye wuz here but animulls n the wall never quite dun it fer me. but we had us a grate time n frieda insisted on drivin us home.

aint no way to tell ever good thang frieda dun fer us. mane thang wuz, thanks to the way she tuck us here n thar, the way she kep in touch with emily everday, the way she wuz the bes kind of friend, all that made it seem lack we had dun the rite thang whenever we cum to west germany. i aint sayin we wuznt homesick, but we wuz also gittin to whar we felt rite at home to whar twuz a shock to real eyes we had only a few months left.