pinions of buddy don: playin with langwage

as ye mite coulda dun figgerd out by now, i luv langwage n langwages n all the varyus ways ye kin play with it. so i figgerd i wood put down a few 'snatches' i dun colleckted, witch a snatch is when ye overhear part of a conversayshun when yer walkin along. sumtimes it suggests a hole story line n sumtimes tiz jes fun. heres a few i colleckted on the streets of man hattan with a cuple frum bankers, witch they make verr creativ use of langwage.

1. "He was like, so? But I was like, dream on."
2. "I avoid his plague."
3. "I would hovel at your feet."
4. "He's a social piranha."
5. "She was suffering from a pre-existing maternal condition."
6. "I mean, I should have my face cleaned for him?"
7. "You don't want to open that bag of worms."
8. "I didn't say a mother f**king thing he said I said except for the motherf**king things he said I said that I said I said, motherf**ker!"
9. frum a banker: "Get over to the client, dance between the raindrops, and don't get us any more pregnant than we already are."
10. thisns one of my faverts. i herd it frum two of the biggest investment bankers thay wuz whar i used to wurk. i had jes cum into the mens room n wuz standin in front of the urinal twixt these two fellers when one sed tuther: "Any inside poop on who's to be anointed chief monkey wrench in the new snafu, or is that still underhat?"

i also lack to read how hillbillies sound tuther folks, so without revealin who rote thisn (by request of the author), heres how hillbilly sounds when sumbidy from scotland rites it:

"Deear Mom n Pop
Ah did reel goode oan mah eengliz eagzam. Ah wel tell y'all ahboot et oan oar nxt telephonication conversationne.

Wer boath well, Hop y'all ar two. We are goan up to Gatlinburg again thiz weekend and will be innncommune-icado from Friday until Sunday nite, stayin at a reel nice shalley so ***** [name withheld by request] telz me. Verry sory weel not be abel to tok. We will hav much to tolk about the necks wikend. 

***** luvvd hiz prezintz we had much LAFFIN ovir th book picshers an ah thoat th big simmit wiz reel classey.

Meen wile, ***** iz havvin appoplexi ovir the scoatlind/americy rugbi scoare but woant tel me wy!! (cood it bee that scoatlind WUNNE???). ah huv to weight til tomoro til its' oan oor teevee to fin oot- heez no tellin me nuthin.

luv te ye boath"