Tuesday, July 20, 2004

life of buddy don, chaptur 123: saturdy nite fever

durin the summer of 1981 we gut a visit frum sum of the folks we made friends with over in west germany, witch the furstns to cum wuznt our good friends frieda n erika but sum otherns that i dont reckon i hardly mentchuned befor now. twuz a verr sloppy fat gurl name of barbra n a friend of hers frum austria name of katrine. they cum to stay fer a few days in august, witch they gut in on a fridy n lef the nex windsdy. barbra wuz manely friends with emily n we hadnt never met katrine before barbra brung her over to amurka.
i hadnt never lacked barbra much. fer one thang, she wuz a verr librul kinda german, witch that meant she lacked to call the west germany 'ein mordstaat,' witch that means a murder state. she also lacked to say amurka wuz much wurser on a counta how we had too minny guns n settled everthang by violence. thang is, i dint disagree cumpletely with everthang she sed, but it botherd me a lot fer sumbidy frum germany to critisize our cuntry. twernt as if i couldnt see nuthin rong with us, but she dint have no rite to say nuthin on a counta how she hadnt never been thar.
as it happend, randy fox had jes gut out of the hospitull agin. he wuz walkin on crutches, but he could drive n git round bout as good as he ever could. he cum by to visit a few mints after barbra n katrine had put away thar stuff in the spar bedroom we used fer a study, witch they had brung em sum sleepin bags to roll out over the floor to sleep on. seem lack randy wuz sweet on katrine frum the instunt he met her so he volunteerd to take em to see the sites in oak ridge on saturdy. emily tuck em round the campus to show em thangs thar on fridy n we went out to los charros fer dinner that nite, witch twuz the furst time they had ever eat inny mexican food n they seemd to lack it purty good.
after that cum the group, witch we had our meetins ever fridy at 8 pm n frum the furstn we had, we dint miss fer nigh onto three years. them gurls sat quite n dint say nuthin while everbidy red, but they wuz impressd that folks in amurka wood do sumthin lack that. they figgerd thay wuznt much readin a'goin on in amurka. fer them, twuz spozed to be all lack the wild west or sumthin. but randy smith cum to the meetin fer the furst time. he wuz hopin to git the gurls to do sumthin when twuz over, but they wuz still jet-lagged n verr tired, so they made plans fer the nex day whar he wood show em the sites of oak ridge.
nex day we studied frum early to late. i wuz teachin my furst class all alone n seemed lack i had papers to grade ever spar mint of the day or nite. fer one thang, frum the verr furst time i ever taught inny ritin, i had this idee that they way ye learn is by ritin as much as ye kin. so i gut my class to rite sumthin evertime we met, witch that meant i had to grade whut they writ n thay wuz 25 of them n jes the one of me. but i bleeved in whut i wuz a'doon n figgerd twuz the way to teach. i used to tell em that ifn i wuz teachin em to play basketball, we wood git out on the court n see could we dribble n pass n shoot. twoodnt do to sit readin bout others playin basketball ifn we wonted to larn to doot too. twuz the same with ritin. ye gut to rite to larn how to rite.
innywho, that evenin brew n maisie cum over. we gut to playin cards n purty soon randy cum in with the gurls. seems lack they wuz gittin along purty good n he splained how we wuz all a'gonna out in the evenin so he could show our visters sum of the local nitelife.  he ast did we all wonta go. maisie had to git home sos she could wurk the nex day, but brew n emily agreed to go out together. we drove out alcoa hiway to a place they used to have out thar name of uncle sams. twuz still a'doin the disco thang n they kep the musick verr loud. we had us a cuple dranks before emily sed she had dun had a nuff. brew felt the same way, so they lef. i wonted to go, but randy begged me to stay on a counta otherwise he figgerd the gurls wood go too.
so we had us a nuther drank n the gurls danced a lil bit. randy gut em out in the car to smoke sum of theevil weed, witch they hadnt never had no weed before, jes hashish. they gut to cumplainin that they dint lack the sound system n the way it felt lack bein in a huge warehouse, witch i reckon thats jes whut the place wuz befor twuz changed into a nite club. they also dint lack the sound system, witch barbra sed twuz verr bass heavy. they also sed twuz way too conservativ. randy dint generly put up with folks attackin his place, but he wuz still a'hopin he could git kartine to spend a lil time alone with him, witch she seemd rite sweet on the idee ceptn fer how barbra dominated everthang.
innywho, randy ast em did they wonta see a differnt kinda bar n wood they be insulted ifn he tuck em to a gay bar. twuz jes whut they wuz a'hopin to see, so we drove back into knoxvull to the campus. thay used to be a bar over behind the scottish rite temple on 16th street name of the carousel, so randy tuck us thar. twuz a fack that the musick wuz better n not quite so bass heavy, but twuz still a lil too loud to talk. that dint matter nun on a counta how randy gut to dance one slow dance with katrine, witch she had to practically hold him up n it kindly seemd lack thangs wuz hedded in the rite die-reckshun, lease cordin to whut randy wuz hopin fer.
but twernt to be. we stayed till i sed i could walk home n leave them with a key, but they wuz tired n wonted to go also. so we gut up n hepped randy git his crutches set n then lef. we hadnt hardly gut out to the car in the parkin lot befor we herd sumbidy a'hollerin at us. i turnt my hed to see who twuz n thar wuz four of the fattest rednecks i ever seen. thay wuz claimin that randy had stubbed the big toe on the meanest one of em on his way out. i walked over twixt us n them n splained how twuz a acksident n ye could see how randy wuz on crutches. i sed we dint wont no truble, but bout then, thangs went black.
turnt out the feller i wuz talkin to hauled off n knocked me down with jes one punch. by time i cum to, i could see whar the biggest amung em wuz attackin randy. i gut up to offer hep, but tuther three fellers cum twixt us n ast did i wonta git beat up too. randy wuz over by his car claimin how he had im a uzi in his trunk n quick as he gut it, them four rednecks wuz a'gone be ded. they wuz laffin on a counta they wuznt no way they wood let im git nuthin outten his truck.
durin the hole thang, randy never quit insultin the feller attackin him, sayin thangs lack, 'well aint yew brave, attackin a feller on crutches. i bet ye kin beat up yer own grandmother. aint yew jes the bravest asshole that ever farted.' he kep it up, usin wurds thats too ugly to rite here lack mutherfucker n such. the feller wuz cussin randy rite back fer movin so much n dodgin the blows to whar the feller wood miss n hit the car n hurt his hand n cuss a blue streak n then try to hit im agin till he finely wrenched one of the crutches a'loose n started hittin randy with it, only randy dint go down till the feller gut both crutches frum him n then tripped him n threw the crutches over into the bushes whar randy couldnt git to em.
bout then they grabbed me n give me a cuple punches in the belly n knocked me down. by time i gut back up, katrine had found my glasses n give em to me. barbra had gone to git randys crutches, so he wuz propped up on em n trine to git his trunk open, but them four fellers had gut up in thar pickup by then. they pulled up nex to us. thay wuz two of em ridin in the back. one of em had im a shotgun, witch he trained it rite on randy n dared im to try openin his trunk. in sted, randy put his hands up bes he could while holdin onto his crutches. the fellers laffed n drove off.
i cunvinced randy not to git out his uzi on a counta how them fellers wuz long gone by then. in sted, he tuck us home. he ast me did i real eyes how bad i looked, witch i had me a black eye n my nose wuz bloody but i hadnt noticed nuthin. i tole im he looked wurser, witch that gut him into the car sos he could check the mirror. innywho, we finely lef n he dint even try to cum up. twuz purty clear that them gurls dint wont nuthin to do with us innymore, n fack is, they lef the nex day in sted of waitin till windsdy.
but the wurse moment cum after we gut home. the gurls wuz verr eggcited over whut had happend n they wonderd could they call home to splain to thar folks how they wuz all rite. i dint wont em to on a counta thar folks dint know nuthin had happend, but they give emily a twenty dollar bill to pay fer the call, witch i couldnt say nuthin. emily wonted to take keer of my face, witch i tole her twuz ok but i finely real eyesed she needed to doot so i let her. meanwhile, i couldnt hep but listen in while barbra splained how amurka wuz jes as violent as she had thunk twuz n she wuz jes happy nobidy had gut shot. ye wooda thought it hadda been the shootout at the ok corral.
thay wuznt nuthin we could say. i wuz glad they wonted to leeve nex day on a counta i felt such hatred fer how thay wuz so shore they had seen a reglar saturdy evenin, witch they hadnt. but wurse wuz how i felt such humiliayshun fer our cuntry. i wonted to argue bout it, splain how thangs wuznt really thataway, but barbra wood jes say she had seen whut she had seen till i gut to the point whar i dint keer whut she wonted to thank. fack is, thar minds wuz made up. as barbra splained, they hadnt been thar but a cuple days n look whut had happend. i tride to splain agin how odd that wuz, but they figgerd they wood stick with whut they saw, not whut i sed.

they left the nex day. i hung back while they give emily a big ole hug. i dint wont much of nuthin to do with em. wurse is, i felt so ashamed whenever barbra sed to emily how it must be scary livin in a place lack this. i objeckted n sed they dint know whut they wuz talkin bout. barbra sed sumthin bout me bein a typicull amurkin. then she turnt to me n sed, 'you should enjoy your saturday nite fever, herr duncan.' my mouth wuz open, but i wuz out of wurds.

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