Friday, January 20, 2006

life of buddy don, chapter 142: emilys cumplaint

emily wonted to talk bout how i dint give her a nuff tenchun. i member wundern whut did she wont? whut i could possibly do to pervide it?

taint lack she wuz sittin alone at our apartment with nuthin to do, waitin fer me to cum home. she wuz a'wurkin on her docterutt, witch that meant she had to spend near ever wakin hour readin n takin notes n studyin. she had classes to teach n papers to grade. she wuz takin trips with dr morgan to historcull conferntses n such. she had her friend milly to soak up plenty of her time n a group of histry students that lacked to gather at uncle sams to drank beer till they couldnt hardly walk home. i wood even cum down now n then tho i dint much keer fer drankin beer n dint find them histry students as innerestin drunk as they wuz sober. but whuther or not i joind in the drankin, i wood lease cum down to walk her home after they wuz dun.

but her mane cumplaint wuz how she wuz sartin as kin be i wuz a'gone leave her. she lackd to wurry n fear of me leavin give her plenty to chew on. she sed she couldnt hardly thank of nuthin else, that twuz hard fer her to concentrate on whut she wuz a'readin n studyin.

so i ast her whut wood i be a'doin that wood make her bleeve i wuznt a'gone leave her? i pointed out how i kep showin up ever evenin. cooked ever meal. let her sleep late n woke her with kisses n the mornin paper n coffee. cleaned up after her, witch twuz a big job to do that. so whut wuz it?

yer hart aint with this marrg, she wood claim, but with yer ritin n yer wurk n yer friends. so i wood ast back whuther thangs wood be better ifn i dint rite nor have no wurk nor no friends neethur, witch that jes made her mad on a counta she claimd it showd i dint understand. ok, sed i, then splain it to me.

thats whenever she pulld out my lease favert fuss n fite tacktick, claimin that ifn i dint know, twuznt sumthin she could splain n futhermore, the fack i dint know whut wuz rong wuz even more proof how rong thangs wuz. i sed ifn she couldnt splain it then mayhap twuznt sumthin that obveeus. besides that, since i had dun add mitted i dint know whut twuz, woodnt it be a hep to splain it to me? but she claimd that questchun jes proovd her point moren ever.

thang is, i did luv my wurk. i wish i could say i luvd my ritin too ceptn i wuznt doon near as much of it as i wonted to on a counta havin to wurk so much. as fer my friends, thonly time i seen em ceptn when they cum over to visit the two of us wuz whenever i wuz eether wurkin out with johnny n bud or playin racketball at the ymca with billy stewart. but i never dun nun of that when she wuz home, so i couldnt see the conflick.

corse i had my cumplaints bout her or mayhap jes the one cumplaint, witch i couldnt stand how whenever we wuz bout to have sum sex, she wonted to talk bout this verr topick. makin that cumplaint dint hep me git nun, tho, so i had to keep it to myself.

twuz a sundy whenever we gut into that long discusshun. i member how i wonted to finish sos i could git my papers graded, but i finely give up n let her cry her tears n sit on my lap till my legs fell asleep, witch even that made her mad. i finely got mad my ownself n tole her she wuz rite, i dint have inny idee whut i wuz a'doin rong, whut wuz a'bothern her, but plane fack wuz, i had a job to do, papers to grade. we hadnt et yet, so i gut up n started cookin, witch i reckun i wuz a'huffin n puffin n mayhap them pots made a lil too much noise till she couldnt stand it n run out the door, slammin it hard as she could.

thay aint no good anser fer that so i finishd cookin n et n left hers on the stove with a note splainin how she could heat it up ifn she wonted to. i dint here her cum in but she wuz thar sleepin beside me whenever i woke up. found she hadnt touched her food so i threw it out, made me sum coffee n cummenced to gradin them papers. i gut her up at the usual time in the usual way n not a wurd wuz spoke bout her cumplaint. on tuther hand, not a wurd wuz spoke.

ackshly, havin so lil sex wuznt my mane cumplaint. my mane cumplaint wuz how i had so much good wurk to do n jes wonted to doot. twuz true i wuz so busy to whar i couldnt hardly keep up with nuthin else, but twuz wurthy wurk. mayhap that wuz whut botherd her, that i lacked it so much, that i figgerd twuz wurth doin. that particlar week wuz tipicull fer how busy i always wuz, witch twernt much busier than she wuz! jes to give ye a idee of whut i mean, heres how that one week went.

twuz in february of 1983 whenever all this wuz a'happenin, witch twuz black histry munth. that week wuz lack most of em, a blur. that mundy, i hauled my book bag of graded papers over to kc. dr streeter had give me a offus upstairs with the rest of the staff, witch it seemd lack a honor but twuz manely on a counta his needin my ole offus fer a peeano practiss room. i taught class that day. gut papers frum my grammar class n frum bof my comp classes. spent the afternoon gradin them papers. cum home n fixed dinner, witch we dint hardly talk nun till twuz over. i then went over to kc (twuz dark n i dint have no ride since willy will wood only drive me home). we cast A Day of Absence that evenin.

on tuesdy we had a wurdless brakefuss. after that, i went over to kc whar i graded papers n had conferntses n such. twuz nice to be thar in my offus. kc wuz so small that everbidy knew everbidy n i wuz purty poplar amung them students. sharon n cassandra gut to whar they lacked to spend thar spare time in my offus. cassandra had cum so far in trustin me that she set up a stool in the corner by my desk whar she could sit. tuther students gut to whar they called it her throne. she wood sit n hold cort fer her friends while i wuz gradin papers. sumtimes we wood all talk bout whutever, often as not books cassandra wuz readin till sum of them other kids wood be readin books jes sos they could take part.

so twernt atall odd fer me to go to kc to grade papers even ifn i coulda dun it at home. thang is, emily had a full skedule of her own, but that dint stop her frum resentin me gradin papers at my offus in sted of at home, witch she dint never understand how i hate to wurk at home. fer me the threshold to my house should be whar my private life begins. to this verr day, even tho i kin conneck to my cumpnys network frum home, i still go in ifn ima gone wurk.

johnny mayhew n bud cum by in buds purple gremlin to git me sos we could have our wurkout. i member how i dint notiss how mad i wuz bout emily resentin me wurkin at wurk till i gut on that bench press. tiz a shame to add mitt, but truth wuz, i couldnt bench press my own weight, witch i weighd 130 pounds in them days. fack is, whenever we started in to wurkin out, i couldnt even bench press 50 pounds ten times! twuz a horrbull embarrassment to me. johnny wood yell at me lack i wuznt trine, but twuz all i could do to heft that fifty pounds even once. but on that afternoon, i tole johnny i wonted to try a hunnert pounds fer the furst time. 'dont be a fool, docter! ye jes barely dun 85 pounds on saturdy.' i tole im to putt the weight on n see ifn i couldnt doot. 'all rite, but dont fergit to breathe!' i jes putt all my frustrayshun into pushin up that bar n run rite thru my three sets of ten n ast im wood he putt on a nuther ten pounds, witch he dun it but even mad as i wuz at the situwayshun, i couldnt lift it moren three times. but it felt good.

that evenin after dinner, i chaird a panel discusshun on the topick of W.E.B. DuBois with dr greene n miz morgan fer panelists. thay wuz grate. gut home late n found emily in her usual spot, readin a book n sippin iced tea n a'pullin on her hair. she looked up but dint say nuthin, so i parked my book bag n went to bed. next day i taught my classes. afterds i went over to the undergraduwait liberry at ut n researched ML King, Jr. they had em a afro-amurkin seckshun. we needed a speech fer the feller playin MLK in one of the two shows we wuz a'doin name of In White America: Profiles of Black Leaders. i picked out a cuple speeches, the 'where do we go from here' speech n the last speech he made befor he wuz assassinated. me n emily met n walked down to wendys fer a early dinner of a wendys sangle with no meat (45¢) n fries n dranks, witch twuz one of the few places she could abide us eatin out since twuz so cheap. i dint even go back up to the apartment after but jes walked over to kc while twuz still lite out.

thursdy mornin emily left with dr morgan fer a consorshum on revolushunairy europe in charleston, south carolina. i wont never fergit the fite we had that mornin. i had me two sets of papers to grade n wonted to git goin early, but she figgerd that wuz a purrfeck eggzample of whut wuz rong. shouldnt i wonta stay with her till the last mint before she left? dint that show how i dint really keer bout her? beesides, she needed me to go to the bank to cash a check, witch she couldnt brang herself to git money outta the bank on a counta she hated add mittin that inny money ye putt in is a'gone half to cum out sumtime. so i dun it but i wuznt too happy n by time i left fer kc, twuz a'rainin cats n dogs n she wuz crine n twuz all my fault.

i graded papers all mornin n then bud rankin cum by to give me a ride to wurk out. johnny wuz wurkin n couldnt make it. whenever we wuz dun, bud offerd me a toke, witch i dint take it, n then he offerd me a ride back to kc, witch i tuck it happly. i graded more papers till twuz time to walk over to mcculloch hall fer another panel discusshun. thisn wuz a sorta deebate twixt the idees of W.E.B. DuBois n Booker T. Washington. i had dr greene n miz morgan thar. twuz spozed to end at nine pm, but thangs wuz jes a'boilin good by then, so we kept on till 10:30 when i called a halt by splainin twuz way past my bedtime n that i figgerd the deebate wood keep fer a nuther day, witch taint over yet.

next day, even tho i had been a'gradin papers most ever spare mint, i had a lode to git dun, witch i wurked lack crazy to doot n then taught my classes n finely walked home roun 4 pm. ate a pot pie n waited fer folks to show up fer group, witch twuz at my house. billy stewart brung over a copier n everbidy pitched in to hep copy scrips of A Day of Absence. funny thang wuz how i dint notiss till then how everbidy figgerd twuz sum kinda grate noble sacrifice fer me to be a'wurkin cross the tracks, so to speak, in whut they seemd to thank wuz deepest darkest africka or sumthin. we had a good meetin, manely on a counta everbidy feelin good bout heppin make them 25 scrips.

on saturdy i hauled all them scrips over to kc n we handed em out n had us a read thru. wurked out with bud n johnny that afternoon n then played racketball with billy stewart after that. stayed up till emily gut home round 9 pm, witch seem lack that lil bit of absents had cured a lotta her cumplaint even ifn it dint lead to no sex. but we wuz gittin along good a nuff that we went to the law liberry together the next day n gut a lode of wurk dun. after dinner we wuz bof whipped so much that she went to bed same time i did. we almost had sex till she memberd she wuz mad. she wonted to talk, but i turnt over n tole her she needed to find sumbidy else to talk to since i obveeusly dint git it.

she gut up n slammed the door on her way out. then she cum back in to say she figgerd i dint keer whuther she started seein a therapist. i wonted to ast her whut she wuz plannin to use fer money, but i dint say a wurd. i figgerd mayhap a eggspurt wood understand her cumplaint.

i shore dint n heres why: the more she cumplaind bout bein skeerd i wuz a'gone leave her, the more i wonted to leave her on a counta i wuz sick of the conversayshun bout her bein skeerd of me leavin. n whut makes it even wurser, lookin back now, is how we dint have no idee jes how good we had it then.

No comments: