Thursday, October 28, 2004

pinions of buddy don: temptayshun of bush in wilderness

n bush wanderd fer forty years in the wilderness of sin n snortin n drankin till finely he wuz cunverted by a lil walk on the beach with a grate preacher who splained how he woodnt never have no palliticull career ifn he dint stratin up n fly rite.

n bush, bein full of the spirit of fambly ghost name of prescott, witch he wuz known fer admirin n even doon bizness with a verr powerful man who wuznt afraid to use pre-empshun to attack sumbidy that mite wonta attack ye sumday ifn they ever git the weppons together.

then was bush led out into the desert by his own daddy in a stroll called the furst iraq war.

n fer forty days bush dint eat nuthin nor even take a drank. then he finely run into the devil who ast him dint he wont sumthin to drank? sumthin to eat? n ifn he did, couldnt he take up a stone n make it into bread? n couldnt he take sum water n turn it into wine? but bush anserd that he couldnt tempt his god, besides witch ifn ye could make bread from stone n wine frum water, whut wood that do to the economy of the farmer n the vintner?

then did the devil, witch he lookd jes lack eethur saddam hussein or osama bin laden tho twuz hard to tell the differnts twixt em, then did the devil take bush n put him into a jump suit n flew im up into a jet whar he could see all the kingdums of the middle east. n the devil tole bush he could have dominion over the hole shootin match. bush wonderd wuz that sovernty? on a counta he dint wont that since it dint really mean nuthin. but the devil tole him twuz dominion, as in dominate.

then bush wunderd did that include the oil, witch the devil sed ifn he wonted to worship oil, he could have the land, on a counta how thay aint nuthin oilier than the devil.

now whenever bush herd he could have the oil along with dominion n how the devil wood dress it up to look lack twuz freedum n demockrussy on the march, bush sed he wuz in.

now whenever jesus wuz give the same tempayshun, he turnt that devil down on a counta how dint matter whut the devil or the romans mite do to im, jesus woodnt worship no devil nor no oil nor nuthin but his father up in heaven. fer jesus wuz cum not to rule over the cuntries n powers of the earth, but to wage war in the human hart, to be a fisher of men fer the kingdum that needs neethur oil nor tax cuts nor even poll watchers to challenge the votes of folks that wonts to practiss the demockrussy thats on the march over thar n in retreat over here.

n the devil laffd at whut a good job he had dun with the temptayshun of bush on a counta the devil knew twuz a battle fer the harts n minds of common humans, the lowliest of the low, witch ye mite member how jesus lacked to hang out with them types. n ifn the harts n minds of them folks wuznt won, then thay wuznt nuthin to stop em frum usin the tacktick of terror . . . or lootin . . . or insurgentcy.

n bush looked out at the violents n lootin n death n deestruckshun n sed, "I'm pleased with the progress," Bush said. "It's hard. Don't get me wrong. It's hard because there are some in Iraq who want to disrupt the election and disrupt the march to democracy, which should speak to their fear of freedom." n with them wurds, bush proovd to one n all how he wuz really a man of faith*

*"Faith is believing what you know isn't so" —Mark Twain.

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