Friday, September 19, 2003

life of buddy don, chaptur 59:
oh susannah!

mayhap ye member chaptur 41 whar i splained the rules i had discuvert bout how women wurks. rule #2 wuz how women luvs outlaws. i also mentchuned how a woman is attrackted to a man who aint innerested, speshly ifn he treats her bad, witch that wuz rule #3, and finely, thar wuz rule #4, witch thatn points out that ye cant ack lack yer uninnerested. them rules cum together fer me in september of 1976.

eli wuz a big influents durin this time. hes the one put me on to crowly n colin wilson n arthur rimbaud's season in hell n charles baudelaire's flowrs of evil. we wood discuss whutever twuz he wuz a readin n i gut to read a lot of good books thataway only we wuznt readin em jes to enjoy em but to figger out wuz they the true voice of god n all lack that.

but the ones that seemed lack the hit me the hardest wuz crowleys magick in theory and practice and pd ouspenskys in search of the miraculous, witch they wuz both bout the supernathrul or sumthin other than jes plain ole everday life, n fer that, thar wuz a book that i half to add mitt wuz a bigger influence even if twuz only pop psych or sumthin, n that wuz eric bernes what do you say after hello?

i give a copy of that lastn to susannah on a counta she wuz a wunderin why she wuz a'lettin herself be hurt by the lacks of christopher martin. she wuz the slowest reader i ever met, but whenever she wuz a'readin a book or gut dun readin one, she wood larn ye more bout it than ye could magine wuz innit. thar wuz sevrul books that i read n then gut to know on a counta her readin em after me in her verr slow way. n she questchunned everthang.

but fer me, the thang i wuz a gittin frum them books wuz that i needed to change how i wuz a livin. i made a list of the thangs that needed fixin: (1) quit drankin likker, (2) quit smokin, (3) quit dealin, (4) quit drankin coffee, (5) quit eatin meat, (6) quit trippin, (7) quit my job at union carbide, (8) devote myself to writin musick n wurds, (9) git shed of so many material posseshuns, (10) study magick, (11) quit having meaninless sex, (12) finish my educayshun and (13) travel.

lack mos folks that makes a list of thangs they wonts to quit a'doin or start a'doin, the list wuz a nuff to keep me embarrassed on a counta i couldnt seem to make much progress with it n wuz sumthin to show me how i could make a plan but couldnt hardly do nuthin to make it wurk.

part of the problem wuz the time i picked to reform myself. ye cant change nobidy but yer ownself, ifn ye kin even do that, but ifn yer hangin round folks that lacks to git hi, yer gonna git lots of temptayshun. n lessn ye wonta move away, tiz hard to scape yer habits.

but i tride n gut to whar i wuznt smokin much durin the week n quit drankin n quit eatin meat ceptn fer fish. n i dint have much in the way of material posseshuns in the furst place, so thatn wuz easy. as fer women, i wuz sworn off on a counta i couldnt git no satisfackshun frum em n seemed lack masturbayshun solved that problem a lil better. n i wuz studyin thangs all my life n magick wuz jes one more of em. n corse i played peeano ever chants i gut n i wrote everday, so sum the thangs on the list wuz wurkin out.

i never made no progress on coffee, but i gut to whar i wuznt drankin moren six cups a day, witch that wuz way down frum the ten or twelve i wuz used to. n quittin trippin wuz a matter of whuther thar wuz innythang to trip with, witch thay wuznt much mos of the time.

corse, i probly never wooda gut together with susannah ifn i had been able to reform myself as cumpletely as i tride to do. in sted, i reckon i fell into doin even wurser thangs than before.

main reason wuz how randy fox had found him this cunnexshun in newport that had mos innythang ye could wonta buy n he knew lots of folks who wonted to git sum of the thangs his cunnexshun wuz a'sellin. mosly that mint theevil weed n sumthin to trip with lack mesclun n thar wuz that powder that wuz called crystal t or hydraulick cannibinol or whutever it really wuz. n ye could git all that n other thangs that folks we knew dint wont lack heroin or coke or quayludes.

so randy gut him this idee that we oughta git in the bizness of buyin low n sellin hi, n twuz purty easy fer him to spin up such a plan since he wuz thankin i wood cum up with the money to git started n we had loads of folks cumin to the farm who wonted to buy n the hypo thesis wuz that we wood do all right thataway.

i wuz still feelin lack i had to proov to everbidy that i wuz jes as fearless as they claimt i wuz, so i went along with the plan. i tride to splain it to myself a many a way. thang is, i wuz searchin hard to figger out thangs lack (1) whut is real? (2) whut is good? (3) whut is true?(4) is thar a god? (5) could ye know innythang? and (6) whut wuz really beeyootiful bout a book or pome or song or whutever. n i red thangs lack the books i dun mentchunned n then i gut to readin aleister crowley on magick n will n i lacked his thang bout 'do what thou wilt shall be the hole of the law.'

i tride to cunvints myself that havin lots of eggserients wuz how ye larnt whut ye wuz here for, but i wuz also scairt that i wuz a'gone git caught n put in jail or sumthin. n that fear seemed to make everthang jes that much more eggcitin.

durin that time, i dint wont nobidy to know whut randy n me wuz up to, so that made me less innerested than ever in havin folks lack susannah, witch by then we wuz callin her suzy, cum roun wontin to git closer to me. n whenever i treated her bad to keep her frum gittin inny closer, well, that gut her a'goin moren ever.

she wood ast mj whut wuz a'goin on with me n why dint i allow nobidy to git no closer. n that only made thangs wurser than befor on a counta mj wood splain that i wuz doin thangs i ought not be doin lack dealin. n corse, that made me a outlaw n purty soon suzy gut to whar she couldnt hardly git a nuff of me.

taint that i dint lack her. even tho i couldnt see nuthin all that attracktiv bout her whenever we furst met, the more she cum aroun, the more i gut to whar i could notice how purty her hair wuz n how exotic her look wuz n how fine her bidy wuz n how she wuz innerested in mos everthang i lacked. but i dint wont her to know whut i wuz a'doin, n that led to sum times i treated her verr bad.

one of the wurst times wuz when randy wonted me to go n meet his cunnexshun. she wonted to do sumthin n had tickets to go see earl scruggs agin n i tole her she shoulda checked to see wuz i busy, witch i wuz, n when she ast whut i wuz a'doin, i tole her twuz nun of her bizness. i reckon i even sed sumthin mean lack, 'why dont ye ast christopher martin?'

thang wuz, i wuznt innerested. ye cant fake that n have no woman fall fer it. i dint wont nuthin to do with women on a counta i wuz trine to reform. mosly, i dint wont her to know whut i wuz a'gonna do.

randy drove us up to see his cunnexshun, a kid name of dewey patterson who lived in a trailer thar in newport. ye mite have dun herd of newport on a counta thats whar they have them snake handlers. n everbidy had em a gun. n makin firewurks wuz a majur industry thar.

dewey had a cuple of them dobermun pintchers gardin his trailer, only ye could git in ifn ye kep on the far side of thar chain. but they wuz a'barkin lack crazy. we wint in n furst thang i saw wuz the barrel of a gun pointed rite at my hed n thar wuz a nuther fella thar who also had a gun n they checked to see did we have one or did we have a quote wire unquote on us n that made randy mad so he sed lets go n that made em put thar guns away n ast whut did we wonta buy.

we tole him we wonted a cuple lbs of theevil weed n sum mesclun n sum t, n he had it all. he sed we could have a lick of the t to make shure twuz good a nuff, n twuz. we gut to countin n measurin everthang n while we wuz a doin it, a black guy cum to the door n bout him a nickel bag of theevil. n mo more than ten mints after he lef, here cum a nuther fella with a gun n a rebel hat. he gut to astin dewey, 'did yew sell that nigger innythang?' n dewey sed he had, n the rebel sed bobby joe had follered the black guy n pullt him over.

that gut all three of em to shoutin at each other n mainly they wuz mad at dewey fer doin bizness with black folk. they fergot all bout randy n me, so we kep a countin n gittin reddy to leeve. i dint wonta take nuthin with us, but randy wuz thankin we could git sumthin exter on a counta they wernt payin us no tenchun only i tole him we wood be fools to do that n to proov it i had to make sure we dint. dewey wuz rite glad we wuz hones, witch he tole us that later on n even sed he wood give us a lifetime discount on his products.

we stuffed the bags down into our shorts n lef. my hart never beet so hard in all my life. i wuz shore this time i wuz a'gone git caught. my stumach wuz in knots n i could barly walk, but i dint add mitt to nuthin. corse, by then the t wuz a'kickin in, makin everthang all that much more intents.

randy sed, 'shoot the devil, bud, ye aint got no nerves, do ye?' i reckon he wuz scairt too. sumhow he knew a way of gittin out of thar n nex thang i knew we wuz in gatlinburg a'sittin at the house of a racist redneck he knew. we listned to her fer long as i could take it n then i sed that i wuz reddy to go. n randy dint move so i sed i wood walk ifn i had to. so we lef n randy ast whut gut my shorts in a not. i dint half to anser on a counta he knew i dint lack that kinda talk.

we gut back to the farm n thar wuz a crowd waitin to git thar share of the booty. n ifn they had paid whut they promissed, witch they never did fer the mos part, we wooda made money, but it dint wurk thataway. we did make a lil money frum my friends in the valley, but the folks on the farm lacked to have thangs frunted to em n then they woodnt never pay. n sad truth wuz, randy wuz the wurst.

but the main thang i wuz wurried bout jes then wuz how susannah had cum to visit jes after everbidy had dun tuck sum of the drugs. n thangs wuz a lil mellow on a counta everbidy wuz trippin or whutever. n she wonted to know could she doot, n i sed i dint thank twuz wize to doot jes then, on a counta she hadnt never dun it befor n the furst time is rite scary n tiz better to be in a place ye feel safe n all. n corse, that made her wont it all the more. i promissed we could git together the nex weekend n we wood trip.

only by the nex weekend, i dint feel lack doin no drugs. i wuz sick of it, so i called to say i woodnt be trippin with her that weekend n maybe sum other time wood be better. n she sed twuz ok, but wood i lack to go out in her canoe? she needed to talk.

by then we had becum the kinda friends that could take a hike or a drive n talk bout how thangs wuz a'goin with her. i dint wonta go, but i couldnt never say no whenever sumbidy wuz astin fer my hep thataway, so i sed id be happy to.

we paddled out to a spit of lan on watts bar lake n found us a nice place to sit. n we smoked sum of theevil weed n listned to the birds makin thar musick n everthang wuz terrbly beeyootiful.

we gut to whar we wuz sittin back to back n talkin bout that book by eric berne. n she remarked bout how hard twuz to fine luv. n i sed that wuz rite n twuz hard even jes to fine a good cumpanyun. n she sed she had found her one, n whenever she sed it, she leaned back a lil harder. n i felt a lil thrill run thru me. n i sed i wuz tired of all the games n crazed stuff. n she sed she wuz too. n she turnt a lil n her hand fell on mine n she kindly stroked it till i tuck her hand in mine. n we kep talkin n holdin hands till thar wuz a kiss. n twuz lack a dam brakin n the flood of desire swep us way till we noticed twuz gittin almos too late to paddle back n we dint have no tent, so we put our cloze back on n lef.

oh susannah!

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