wandering hillbilly

life of buddy don, chaptur 49:
bruthers n sisters

once we had all moved in to the farm, folks gut to whar they knew twuz a place ye could drop into to git hi n lisn to sum musick or even play sum. fack is, we dint ever lock the door, n after the fire, we dint even have a door nob. thats the kinda place twuz.

n we had lots of parties thar. we wood git us a keg of beer n park it in a bucket of ice out at the firespot n give out flyers to all our friends with maps to the place. n them parties wood generly git goin roun 2 or 3 of a saturdy afternoon n folks wood cum n stay a spell n then go home n eat n cum back, n sumtimes we wood got thru two or three kegs on a counta folks wood take up colleckshuns n go git more.

n sumtimes we wood git us sum moonshine n drank sum of it n pour it on the fire to watch the flames leap up. n a corse thay wuz plenty of folk who brung other drugs with em, n in them daze, dint seem lack nobidy knew the word no n wonted to try most ever drug thar wuz.

rite here is whar i wood normly give a lil sermun bout how when drugs is illegal n folks lies bout em, then purt soon ye gut ye a industry thats out of cuntrol n that markets bad products with good n sells em to innybidy with the scratch to buy em, even kids in grammar skool.

n i wood point out that of all them folks i knew back then, the ones thats still with us is mosly still either juicers or dopers, n the dopers only lacks to smoke pot. the juicers is alkyholics n tiz sad to see whuts becum of em. seem lack the dopers gut the better deal, long as they settled back down on pot. we wuz lucky that thay wuznt much in the way of heroin or opium or morphine around, n tho ye mite spot sum cocaine here n thar, wuznt nobidy could afford it, n thank the lord they hadnt dun invented crack yet!

but since this is a tale, i druther not git into no sermuns n i bet ye feel the same.

one of them parties led to me finely findin out who tuther abby wuz, n it happent thisaway. ye mite not kin keep up with all the folk in the life n pinions of buddy don, hillbilly, so fergive me remindin ye of em. twuz brew, virgil n me who bought the farm together, n with virgil thar wuz mj n jill, n with brew thar wuz gretchen, n with me thar mite be sumbidy but generly not till susannah.

then we had us sum reglar folks that cum round mos ever weekend if not everday. thar wuz my friends, folks lack randy fox, witch it gut so even he n mj wuz near friends but not lack we wuz. n sam coen cum round till he becum a jew fer jesus, n marty warner wuz thar whenever he wuz in town, only we dint stay friend too long after we bought the farm fer reasons i splaint back in chaptur 40. n betty lou tride to seduce me thar n she wooda cum round ceptn she wuz alreddy so dizzy to begin with i never wonted to shar no drugs with her, so i never tole her bout no parties.

n thar wuz brew's bes friend oscar clowder. n gretchens bes friend angie cum aroun fer a while, but she wuz strate n purt soon she dint feel cumfterbull round us n gretchen gut to whar she dint wonta have angie splainin how gretchen wuz a'takin the rong path. n mos the folks frum the homer circle gang wood cum round fer the parties, n fack is, them parties brought folks out that dint nun of us know.

then thar cum a party whar we wuz all a'gone trip on sum pink mescaline tablets n fer that we dint make no flyers n twuz only a'gone be 'the farm,' witch that mint the folks that wuz a'livin thar n randy, who wuz part of the place by then even tho he dint live thar.

corse, randy had to wurk n couldnt be thar frum the start, witch that wuz purt norml. randy seem lack he wonted to git everbidy else to doin thangs n then he wood be the one that wuz strate or only stoned n watchin whut wuz a'gone on. he even lacked to find the drugs n give em out but not take em n jes watch whutever happent.

n that wuz a'gone be it ceptn gretchen tuck it into her mind to brang her sister trudy.

i dint lack that much on a counta i had dun made a big fool out of myself by treatin her so nice that i give her no choice but to git away frum me. i reckon i dint git into the particlars of that miss take, but twuz awful. i writ n sent her sum of the wurst pomes man has yet cum up with n sent her flowers n all kinda stuff on a counta i wuz always thankin i had found 'the one' n should treat her nice sos i could keep her.

then i gut to whar i had discuvert sum of the rules that women wurks by, witch ye mite member frum chaptur 41, so whenever she cum round that day, i acted lack i dint hardly know her, n truth wuz, twuz no ack. n whut made thangs even better fer my side wuz how i dint have to ack uninnerested on a counta i wuz uninnerested.

so ye mite could say the obveeus happent, only not lack i wuz spectin. we ate the pills n waited a while n tride to make talk betwixt seven folks n that wuz hard so we jes listned as hard as we could to sum pink floyd till we started a'gittin off. then we wuz a rompin thru the woods n laffin n playin n all.

n then randy cum along n he had him sum powder of sum kind, witch everbidy sed twuz crystal t or hydraulic cannibinol or sumthin, but i thank now twuz angel dust or a horse tranquilizer or sumthin lack that. so we snorted it betwixt all of us. n rite thar ye kin see how stoopid we wuz fer drugs n how lucky we wuz that they hadnt invented crack yet.

corse that stuff hit us in a instunt n nex thang ye know, thar wuz the four of us, brew n gretchen n trudy n me, all a'sittin in a circle n rubbin our four heds together n sayin 'bruthers n sisters, bruthers n sisters, bruthers n sisters,' overn over agin.

n that led sum kinda way to me takin trudy over to ant sarys to house-sit n have a nite of crazy sex, n seem lack we dun the deed everwhar we could frum the back yard to the frunt porch to the livin room to the bath tub till next day we wuz both too sore to do innythang but lay thar n wunder whut we had to talk bout.

n twuz truly awful on a counta thar wuz nuthin to say. i mean, nuthin.

rule #6 had dun kicked in on me, witch that's the one says 'the sex ye git never seems as good as the sex ye wont but cant git but in fack tiz better on a counta yer a'gittin it,' only ye dont realize how tiz better till it gits to be the sex ye cant git no more. n i speck thar wuz a version of the rules fer how men wurks a settlin in on trudy.

fack wuz, we both wonted sum way out, so i ast her did she wonta go to shoneys big boy restrunt fer brakefuss n she ast could we call brew n gretchen n i sed twuz a grate idee. n once we wuz together with them, thangs wuz ok agin on a counta twixt the four of us, we had sumthin to talk bout, witch twuz how much fun we dun had the day befor.

gretchen n trudy had to git home n i tole gretchen she could borry my car n i wood ride with brew n she could brang it back to the farm whenever she cum home, n everbidy wuz happy with that solushun. i dint lack lendin my car, but i dint wonta have to spend inny more time with trudy. how kin i splain that? she had been so beeyootiful whenever i wuz trine to cunvints her to go with me befor, n now she wuz too skinny n had bad teeth n dint wonta do nuthin but git hi n have sex.

i dint see her fer a while, but then i cum home one n the instunt i stepped into the livin room of the big house, everbidy fell quite, n i knew sumthin wuz up. randy wuz thar, n gretchen n brew n mj. virgil wuz wurkin at shoneys big boy restrunt.

i ast whut had i dun, figgern mj wuz mad bout sumthin agin, but she only lafft n sed i knew verr well whut i had dun, n i sed i had dun sevrul thangs that verr day, so could she pin it down a bit more. n everbidy lafft at that so i sed they should tell me whut twuz on a counta i couldnt guess it.

so gretchen sed, 'trudy's pregnunt.' i sed, 'whut?' n she sed it agin, n i ast whut agin. n that gut mj a'goin.

'tiz simple, bud. trudy abigail schuler is pregnunt n yer the father.'

n all i could say wuz, 'abigail?'