Wednesday, September 01, 2004

pinions of buddy don: psst, hey gop — wonta know whar to meet the new immigrunts?

wuznt that a speech to git ye inspired last nite? twuz deliverd by that grate amurkin, ahnold the barbariyun. tiz nice to see a immigrunt git such good treatment. taint the same fer that amurkin name of george soros, witch he becum a amurkin citizen in 1956 but sum acks lack hes still a forner. lucky fer ahnold, that aint no problem. tiz even ok ifn he groped young ladies n whutnot. hes a good amurkin now. ye caint be astin whar did he git his money on a counta how everbidy knows frum watchin his movies. same thang is true of george soros. innybidy that really wonts to know whar his money cum frum kin look at the publick recurd. they kin also see how he spent billions of it openin up the cuntries liberated whenever the iron curtain cum down. mayhap we kin larn that frum the grate statesmen at the rnc; mayhap not.

so in sted of gittin cawt up in witch immigrunts is good n witch aint, twood be better to hep our gop visters out. they mite wonta meet sum of the new immigrunts sos they kin tell witchns is wurthy of respeck n witchns is wurthy of lyin statements lack mr hastert lacks to make about mr soros.

man hattan is the place fer meetin folks frum other places. heres how it wurks: ye kin meet the kinda immigrunt ye wont by lookin at whar they wurk, witch bleev't or not, mos folks cums here sos they kin git em a good job. heres a ruff brakedown based on whut i dun observd with my own eyes in the past 19 years.

greeks: ye kin meet yer greek immigrunts in diners, witch ye kin find a diner mos innywhar ye go in this town. tiz a good place to eat n while yer a'doon it, ye kin meet the greek that's a'waitin on ye. crose, he or she is a'gone be a eggspurt in not noticin ye when ye wont em to brang ye the check or sum more coffee, so ye mite git to feelin the way lots of folks duz, invisibull.

injuns (frum india): chantses are ifn ye go to a news stand to buy yer paper, yer a'gone meet a injun, witch i aint talkin bout no cherokee or no native amurkin injuns but them injuns frum india. ye kin also meet em programmin cumputers n such. ye kin also meet em by callin yer health care hep line, witch chantses are good yer ackshly talkin to a injun over in india.

injuns (frum amurka): ye probly dun herd bout how they wuz folks a'livin here whenever god made it the manifest destiny of the amurkins to git this fine place. they call these folks injuns on a counta how they dint unnerstand worl geogruffy n figgerd they wuz bout to run into india whenever they cum to amurka. ye aint too lackly to meet these folks n real eyes it. sum of em ye kin watch in wunder way up on them tall bildins that ye kin find under cunstruckshun. thar the ones up highest, a standin on a beam of iron n direcktin other beams into place. corse, ye mite no reckon-eyes lots of the injuns frum amurka that ye mite on a counta ye mite could figger twuz black folk. turns out that a huge percent of all black folk born in amurka has injun ancesters. ifn ye ast one, ye mite larn bout it.

pakistanis: whenever ye take a taxi cab, tiz lackly yer a'gone meet ye a feller frum pakistan. ast him whut he thanks bout amurka, but be keerful on a counta he jes mite tell ye (aint never seed nor herd tell of no female pakistani cab driver, witch i reckun thar could be sum).

jamaicans: tiz amazin how near ever flebotomist ye meet is frum jamaica. they have em a way with a needle n i been amazed how they kin slide it in without causin no pane. corse, to do that, ye wood half to go give blood, witch why wood ye do that since ye shouldnt half to share yer blood with sumbidy that wuznt keerful a nuff with tharn, rite? same is true of health care n welfare.

mexicuns: ye mite not notice it, but whenever ye wuz in that diner a'meetin yer greeks, ye had a good chants to meet ye sum mexicuns since thar lack as not the ones bussin yer table n washin yer dishes n such. ifn ye go into a deli, thays a good chants the feller makin yer sandwitch is a'gone be a mexicun. ye kin git a better sandwitch by practicin yer spanish with em.

africuns: ye mite not know it, but them folks a'sellin ye the cheap rolex watches n umbrellas whenever it rains n other deesigner stuff on the street corners, thays generly frum africa. ye kin talk with em fer as long as ye lack ifn ye pertend ye wonta buy sumthin.

irish:lack ye mite have dun herd, thar the cops n firefiters pertecktin ye. ye mite wonta be keerful with them cops since they aint had a contrack in two years, witch thats how ye all run this grate city! dont tip em, even ifn they do need the money. n dont wurry bout the firefiters gittin rich. the one that makes the mos dont git a nuff to make it on jes one job. aint we lucky they doot fer sum reason besides money? kin ye magine the kinda good-harted folk ye mite could git as ceos ifn ye dint half to pay em 540 times as much as the avridge wurker?

dominicuns: fack is, ye probly wont git to meet yer dominicuns lessn yer willin to go to upper man hattan (tiz whar they keep harlem) or the so-calld outer boros (thats whut they call the parts of new york that aint man hattan), but ifn ye do ventchur so far outta the cunventchun bubble n deecide ye wood lack to git a cab, ye wont find no yeller cab with a pakistani drivin it. in sted, ye mite see sum nice cars drivin by slow, a'lookin at ye lack they wonta know sumthin. ifn ye wonta meet em n git a ride at the same time, whut ye do is kindly wave yer hand at the ground, lack ye wuz indicatin whar they should stop to pick ye up. ifn ye speak spanish with em, ye wont half to pay as much fer the ride, but how often ye gone git the chants to meet sum grate immigrunts? tiz a bargain at twice the price.

chinese: they gut em a hole town name of chinatown whar ye kin go n meet folks frum china. ye kin also see em cookin in chinese restrunts. ifn ye go to chinatown n take a open mind, ye mite could find ye a better way to deal with yer mentalpause or other health problems, but thay aint all sankshunned by the the fda.

reglar amurkins: i read whar sum of ye thanks that all the reglar amurkins lives in the center of the cuntry, that theys all white folk that goes to local protestunt churches n such, but the fack is, ifn ye tuck the time to meet inny of them folks i jes listed, yer meetin folks that bleeves in the amurkin dream, folks that cum to this cuntry sos they could make that dream real. they dont all look alike or speak without a acksent. they dont git thar money frum drugs, but frum wurkin hard. tiz a murkin tradishun, witch by the way, tiz eggzackly how george soros made n is a'usin his pile. ye kin look it up.

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