Thursday, May 20, 2004

life of buddy don, chaptur 120: the fambly refleckted in liza's eyes

one afternoon not long after the sprang quarter gut a'goin, i cum home frum ritin lab n wuz sprized that emily wuznt thar. i checked fer a note or sumthin, but thay wuznt nuthin to tell me whar she mite be. i figgerd she wuz probly stuck in confernts with her major perfesser or sumthin, so i put in a cuple taters to bake n went over to the lil grocery on laurel to see bout gittin sum chicken or pork chops.

by time i gut back, emily wuz home n twuz a bit of a shock to larn she had spent the afternoon over at lizas apartment. she had gone thar to git her hair trimmed but she n liza gut into a long discusshun bout the duncans. twuz a bit of a shock to larn how we all looked in her eyes n ye mite could figger in emilys fer that matter since whut cum out wuz sorta lack a cunsentsus of thar pinions bout us. twuz a lil discuncertin to here it, but how else ye gone larn how ye look to other folk ifn ye wont listen to whut they gut to say bout ye?

mayhap the mos tellin comment she had wuz that she figgerd twuz only eli amung the hole fambly that wuznt newrotick. he mite be sighcotick, but not newrotick. liza claimd mama had serious mental problems on a counta how she wuz dirt poor n run away befor she finishd hi skool n gut marrd young to a verr cold, over educated man n started pumpin out kids rite away, bearin four of em in the furst five years. bof emily n liza figgerd that our family wuz rite peculyer whenever it cum to how clannish we wuz.

liza figgerd each of us had problems with insecurty. she caint doubt bout brew havin problems with his inferiority complecks on a counta how they been a'goin together fer over a year, witch shes had plenty of chantses to observe it. she reckuns me n roena may dun proovd how insecure we wuz by gittin marrd too young. she claimd maisies cunvintsin oscar clowder to marr her wuz a page frum the same insecure book. turnt out roun this time eli had dun moved back into mamas, so she claimd that proovd he wuz jes too insecure ever to make it on his own.

bof emily n liza add mired daddy moren he deservd. liza sed he wuz stuck in a tragickull situwayshun that had dun ruint his life.

she claimd eli wuz fixin to have sum kinda major crisis, mayhap one that could leave him ded.

bofem felt that a fambly whar the daddy made it clear that he really dint lack one of the kids, witch that wood be roena may, that a famly lack that wuz overly strange n purty damn sick, speshly since us boys picked up on daddys feelins, lease fer the furst few years, n that put mama in frunt of roena to perteck her, witch corse that meant twuz lack a war with daddy trine to mount his attack agin the fortificayshuns of mama n roena may, not that they had much fer defents.

liza claimed a nuther problem with the fambly wuz how the parnts lacked to say one thang, lack how much they luv one a nuther, but do a nuther. liza hated havin to go to the fambly gatherins on a counta how mama always ended up a'crine, eethur on a counta bein happy or hurt or angry.

bofem thought thay wuznt much rong with eli eethur now or in the past that couldnta be cured with a good kick in the pants. his relayshunship with mama n daddy wuz tipicull bout most everthang that they figgerd wuz rong with the hole fambly. cordin to liza, eli had im a despert need fer ackceptunts n luv n approovl frum his parnts. he gut sum of it in the wurds spoke by mama n even daddy now n then, but tiz painful how obveeus twuz that they wonted him to move out. the tenchun betwixt whut they sed n whut they rilly felt cawzd him to ride a rollercoaster tween the hi points of glowin under thar affeckshunut wurds n the low points of grovlin under thar obveeus disaproovl n worn out impayshunts with im.

turnt out brew also felt this bout his ownself n dint know how to say no to mama whenever she wood invite him over, witch he wood go even tho he often as not dint wonta do whut she wood ast him to do n that he sumtimes refused n then gut to feelin awfull bout it. he hadnt never felt verr luved by mama n daddy n he dint keer much fer the fambly, spendin time with us frum a feelin of guilt n obligayshun ruther than true deesire.

then she tole bout a lil incident that purty much splaint everthang she had to say.

twuz one of them fambly dinners with everbidy thar ceptin fer me n emily n roena may n her fambly. after eatin, mama gut into a long story bout a funeral she had dun tended. turnt out the ded lady wuz only a verr distunt acquaintunts that mama barly even knew, but that dint keep her frum tellin the tale lack she had dun lost one of us. eli, ever honest n impayshunt with false sentiment, gut sarcastick n abusiv till he finely gut a fuss n fite a'goin twixt him n mama. corse that led purty quick to mamas tears, witch that made everthang git real quite, purty much lack ye mite speck after such emoshunull firewurks. long bout then maisie sed the mane reason mama n eli fuss n fite so much is how thar jes lack two peas in a pod. liza sed mama had her hed down on her arms, a'sobbin away whenever maisie sed that but as soon as twuz sed, her hed snapped up n she hissd, witch 'hissd' wuz the verr wurd she used n emily quoted it back, she hissd at maisie, 'dont ye never say that!' eli left fer his room, a'slammin the door. mama, wailin anew, went to her bedroom. daddy sed, 'well.'

No comments: