Thursday, May 06, 2004

life of buddy don, chaptur 116:
the wurry wart

ye find yer good times n bad times in mos innythangs a human kin git hisself tied up in. tiz true of war n peace n vacayshuns n wurk n skool n marrg. tiz also a bad habit in us to put more time n attenchun on whuts rong than on whuts rite. tiz even wurse ifn ye lack to rite n wurst of all ifn ye lack to rite poetry. lucky fer emily, i had dun give up on poetry as my mane form by then. twuz novels i wonted to rite.

but that dont mean i dint git riled up bout the thangs i dint lack bout emily n nuthin gut me riled moren the way she lacked to wurry bout mos everthang, speshly thangs that wuz about to happen or that even thangs that jes mite happen. once we had settled in to them laurel marrd students apartments, all them folk i knew frum the farm, including bruthers n sisters, wonted to cum over fer a visit. twood start with a fone call warnin that sumbidy wuz on thar way n no sooner did i git the fone hung up till emily wuz upset, sumtimes even crine.

thay wuz a nite when brew n liza called to say they wonted to cum fer a visit on a counta they wuz wontin to see that peter sellers movie name of 'being there.' thay wuz showin it in the theater over at the student center n they wonted to stop by n git hi befor watchin the movie. corse, we wuz invited to join em n brew wood even pay fer us to git in on a counta how we never had no money.

bout as quick as i gut off the fone the cumplaints wuz razed. emily wonted me to know how she resented my family always wontin to cum over fer visits. she dint have no bruthers nor sisters n couldnt figger out whu we wonted to see each other so often. she wuz gittin sick of how brew n liza wood cum fer a visit bout once a week. corse eli cum by ever now n agin, generly to hep us git grossries. then thar wuz maisie a wontin me to take walks with her sos she could talk bout thangs she dint wont nobidy else to here bout. thang is, maisie n emily gut along lack they wuz sisters thar ownself n twuz clear maisie wonted a frien besides gretchen, witch the problem she had with gretchen wuz how she wuz always wontin to git hi. thonly ones that lef us alone wuz mamma n daddy.

innywho, i gut off the fone n tole emily bout how brew n liza wuz on the way n we wuz a'gone to see that movie, n furst thang she did wus ast couldnt i see how my bruthers n sisters wuz ruinin our life? i tole her i dint see it thataway n we wuz off to the fuss n fite leadin to tears. i gut to whar i felt a lil gilty bout how her tears dint do innythang to me no more. whenever i furst herd her crine, it tugged at my hart n made me wonta to innythang to make her feel better. after a cuple years of it, it dint seem to do nuthin to me atall, n i gut to wundern ifn i had grown calluses on my own hart.

whuts strangest bout this wuz how once whoever wuz a'cummin over gut thar, she lacked the cumpny n kep em thar past when i wonted to go to bed. twuz also strange how she cumplaind bout not havin inny close friends but dint wonta be friends with maisie or liza or mj or innybidy else that wuz cummin over reglar, even tho twuz clear they wood all lack to be her friend.

on this particlar evenin, liza n brew cum in with a bottle of wine, witch emily lacked to drank wine but dint care much fer theevil weed, lease not then. we opend the wine n lit a joint n purty soon we wuz in the middle of a grate conversayshun bout thangs lack whuther twuz possibull fer a man to be happy as a 'house husbin' n the tradishunull places of men n women in society n the home n such lack. fack is, the conversayshun wuz goin so good that whenever twuz time to go to the movie, we talkd bout whuther we should go or jes open a nuther bottle of wine.

thang wuz, whenever they show a movie at the student center, tiz jes fer the one time, so ifn ye miss it, ye wont git to see it in knoxvull inny time soon, so we deecided to go. lease, three of us did. emily dint wonta go on a counta she had dun read the book n dint bleev the movie wood be able to touch it n she had always hated the pink panther movies. corse the movie wuz n is a classick, one of the funniest thangs i ever gut to see, made me laff so hard i had a lil asthma n tuck one of them columba tablets.

twuz all too tipicull of how emily lived life. she wood git afraid that sumthin wuz a'gone turn out bad n lessn thay wuz sumbidy lack me pushin her, she wood jes give it up in sted of takin the risk that thangs wood go bad.

on saturdy we gut into a lil fuss n fite whenever virgil calld to say he wuz a'cummin over fer a visit. twooda turnt bad ceptn i reminded her how eli had crashed his car n woodnt be able to take us out to the krogers on chapman hiway till twuz fixed n we needed to stock up on staples -- coffee, sugar, corn meal, flour, crisco, canned goods, tea, yew name it. so he cum over n we talked a lil while before leevin emily to grade papers sos we could shop. he dint wonta go out chapman hiway, so we went to the cas walkers on clinton hiway near merchants rode.

we had a grate time, smokin a joint he had gut frum susannah n talkin bout his new job, witch he gut a job at one of the lil tech shops thar in oak ridge, n corse, bout the questchun of whut pi wuz a priori. we also gut a cuple quarts of beer n whenever we gut home, we drunk em along with emily n ye mite could say, a good time wuz had by all.

but that dint keep a nuther fuss n fite frum flarin up the nex day whenever eli n brew called to ast wuz we still plannin on watchin that movie 'nosferatu' by werner herzog. i tole em we wuz, witch we had been a'lookin ford toot fer the longest. soons i gut offn the fone, i could see the wurry lines a'gathern lack storm clouds in the lil space twixt her eye brows. thisn put here in a awkwurd spot on a counta how she knew we wuz plannin on seein it our ownself ceptn we wuz a'thankin bout seein the early show, not the one at 9:30. twuz a odd kind thang on a counta she wuz wontin to go to the later show but dint wonta make me stay up so late. twuz almos lack havin a argument with daddy whar he makes ye switch yer sides. twuznt that importunt to me, so i sed i wood call back n git em to cum to the early show, witch they couldnt make it in time fer that. fack is, liza dint wonta go n dint see why brew couldnt stay home with her so brew figgerd he wood lend his car to eli. i invited eli to stay the nite on our couch.

that gut thangs a'goin. emily wuz rite bout as mad as a nest of hornets. couldnt i see how my fambly wuz a'ruinin our life? couldnt i see how rong twuz fer me to be deevotin all my spare time to my fambly? she wonted to move far away, whar we woodnt have that problem no more. as ye mite magine, i had ansers fer everthang only they wuznt the kinda ansers that solved nuthin. purty soon thay wuznt nuthin lef to say. bof sides knew how thangs tood n we dint see no anser.

whut made it even stranger wuz how much emily enjoyed eli's visit. he wuz in good spirits, hadnt been drankin or abusin his medicine, n had the gift of gab that evenin, carryin on bout god n whuts really importunt in life. i member watchin em talk n thankin how twuz sumthin they dint need me thar fer, but ye woodnt a thought nuthin lack that whenever eli n brew wuz plannin on comin. the movie wuz ok n afterds we all went to bed. eli wuz up n gone before i went to wake emily.

i made brakefuss n we went over to campus, she to the tower, i to smokeys palace whar i gut a nuther cup of coffee n tride to do a lil ritin. but i couldnt git nuthin a'goin on a counta how i wuz stil agitated over how much we wuz fussin n fitin. whut botherd me mos wuz how twuz about nuthin. whut botherd emily wusnt nuthin that ackshly happend. twuz the anticipayshun.

fer a wurrier n pessimist, witch emily wuz bof, seems lack the anticipayshun of a future event is even wurser than the ackshull event. me n emily had minny more fuss n fites over thangs that mite happen than inny other topick. emily shed tears at lease once a munth frum the time i furst met her. whenever we wuz in frankfurt, our wurst fites cum on the day we wuz paid. twernt lack we dint have a nuff to pay all the bills n have sum left over. but no matter whut, we never had a nuff left over to whar she dint git in a cunipshun fit over it.

the point of all this is how a person lack emily -- n probly inny person alive -- could save tharself a lot of grief n energy by larnin how not to wurry. i tride to cunvints emily bout this, but twernt possibull. in sted of her seein the point i wuz a'trine to make, she wood git riled up at me fer not wurryin, acktin lack my refusal to wurry showd sum kinda moral lapse in me or a deeliberut attempt on my part to make her miserabull. she wood always say, 'sumbidy has to wurry!'

that wood git me a'goin to whar i wood ast thangs lack why borry truble? why wurry bout sumthin when ye caint do nuthin to influents how its lackly to cum out? then i wood anser my own questchuns, wastin my own breath, bout how we should thank on a problem that wuz on the horizon jes long a nuff to figger out whut we could possibly do bout it n whut we should do bout it n finely whut we wuz a'gonna do bout it. she hates fer me to say sumthin lack that, speshly since she knows it means im bout to lite into my argument bout wurry, witch thatn goes lack this: (1) why wurry bout any future event's outcome? (2) ye should do whutever ye can bout it, then move on to other matters on a counta how (3) wurryin bout how sumthins a'gone cum out is cumpletely illogicull since (4) ifn thangs is a'gone cum out good, thay aint nuthin to wurry bout n (5) ifn thangs is a'gone cum out bad, all the wurryin in the worl wont change it but (6) all that wurryin will jes tucker ye out to the point whar ye caint do as much as ye mite to take care of whutever went rong.

corse emily had a anser to everthang (lack i purty much did) n this wuznt no eggcepshun. 'i dont choose to git wurried inny moren i choose to be happy or sad or deepressd or horny.' purty soon we git into the nex fuss n fite that cums frum thisn, witch thats how i claimd ye could have cuntrol over yer attitudes n emoshuns to a grate eggstint, witch she wood anser that she couldnt hep but git angry n upset evertime i sed such a thang on a counta it seemd lack i wuz accusin her of gittin upset on purpose.

bout this time i wood kiss her rite twixt her eyes, whar all that wurryin wuz a'diggin lil lines that wood turn into deepern deeper trenches. n she wood say stop but i woodnt doot. in sted, i wood kiss her on her ear lobe n then in that speshul lil place on her neck n she wood say she wuz wurried she wuz a'gone lose cuntrol n i wood have unclipped her bra by then n i wood ast so whut? n she wood turn to anser but i wood kiss her n purty soon she wuz puttin out her cigret n sayin how she luved me so much it wurried her.

but i woodnt let that wurry me nun. in sted, i wood do my bes not to laff.

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