unrest of buddy don: seekin peace

in difficult times i remind myself of these wurds frum matthew chaptur 6:

Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

i remind myself of the good wurk that still goes on in this wurld:

insomnia of buddy don: caint stop thankin bout betrayal

tiz a foolish thang how we let a lil thang git into our heds lack twuz a bee jes a buzzin away till we caint even sleep fer thankin bout it. tiz a time to count blessins:

1. still breathin . . . n thru bof nostrils
2. still gut a grate job . . . lease fer now n probly thru this hole thang (not to weauxph)
3. still gut a grate life with indoor plumbin n luxuries a king frum a hunnert years ago couldnt even dream of havin
4. still gut the best woman in the worl marrd to me
5. aint suffern most of the woes that afflick the res of the worl: gut a nuff to eat, a dry n warm place to sleep, cloze to wear, books to read, a computer n broadband connecskhun to the innernet, n much too much to count
6. mos of my best birthdy presents frum my verr furst birthdy is still in good wurkin order, fer instunts, them fangers i wuz give -- kin type n pick a lil guitar or piano or nose or mandolin (n i gut the instermints to play, fer that matter); them eyes kin still take in the sunrise over man hattan as i walk to wurk; them ears still gits to hear them birds a'sangin ever mornin; that skin is still waterproof; that stomach i wuz given on that furst birthdy still has a decent appetite; agin, thay too minny blessins thar to count but i thank ye git the idee
7. grate add vice frum skb n deb in my comments frum yesterdy, witch i really preciate em, even ifn i caint git them comments to wurk at the moment
8. fer that matter, the fambly crisis we are a'goin thru rite now is a reminder how thangs is gittin better n thangs aint hopeless
9. n fack is, thays always hope, witch i hope i kin rite bout sumthin else next time, mayhap a nuther chaptur

black mood of buddy don: betrayal

please fergive my bein such a lil person, but i caint git myself to thank bout nuthin but the pain of bein betrayed. tiz lack losin sumbidy ye luv only wurser on a counta the person ye trust as a friend turns out to be a enemy. whenever ye lose luv, ye dont generly git a enemy into the bargun.

tiz a miss take i should larn not to make, witch i trust folks moren i orta. i fall fer wurds lack, 'you can trust me' n 'whatever we discuss is just between the two of us' or 'i would never tell anybody else anything you told me in confidence.'

so sumbidy that wood never tell sumthin did it on mundy, witch i reckon that means that 'never' gut here on a mundy, this past mundy in fack while i wuz out of the offus takin keer of a fambly crisis. twuz hard a nuff on its own, that thar fambly crisis, but then i cum to wurk yesterdy n larn i been betrayed to the gratest extent in my life. twuznt nobidys fault but my own fer trustin the rong person.

now i feel buried in a sad n angry black mood. heres hopin that this feelin dont last till the nex never that cums along.

notes of buddy don: obsurvayshuns frum sangle malt tastin

i dont plan to say much bout yesterdy, witch i had to cum home frum work early in the day to hep deal with the fambly crisis, witch twuz still a'goin on. tiz a nuff to say thangs gut wurked out bout as well as innybidy could hope, so mayhap thays better daze ahed.

innywho, i wonted to make a few notes bout that thar tastin me n miz bd went to tuther nite:

1. one odd thang fer a city whar ye see ever kind of person frum ever race frum ever part of the the worl wuz how twuz an all white folks event.

2. even tho thay wuz a lotta likker thar fer everbidy to drank, dint nobidy git all that drunk on a counta dint hardly nobidy drank all the likker in frunt of em. tiz good that folks woodnt wonta git thayself too pissed in publick, but whut a waste of fine sangle malt!

3. ifn ye ever git a chants to hear f. paul pacult speak bout whisky or even whiskey, dont miss it.

4. my irish friend n his english wife aint as big a fans of sangle malt as me n miz bd has becum, so they deecided to give us a bottle of macallan 18 year on a counta they gut it fer a gift years ago n they figger aint no way theyll ever drank it all.

5. even ifn ye go into such a thang feelin rotten on a counta that fambly crisis, ye cum out feelin purty good, n tiz nice to git away ever now n agin.

6. thays plans fer em to have a tequila tastin n even tho neethur one of us dranks tequila, we wood lack to go jes to here f. paul pacult talk. we made a point of gittin on thar mailin list.

7. that keens chophouse place is filld up with long-stem pipes, coverin the walls n ceilins, on a counta how twuz once the bes place in town to go drank sangle malt scotch n smoke tubacka, but thanks to mayer bloomberf, tiz agin the law to smoke indoors in man hattan cept fer yer own home.

long hard weekend of buddy don: fambly crisis

that scotch tastin on thursdy evenin wuz the las easy time this weekend. fergive me fer not ritin much more, but we been thru one of them crises famblies have now n agin. i hope to be back at reglar bloggin tomorrow.

man hattan nite life of buddy don: sangle malt tastin at keens

ye mite member how me n miz bd wuz a'gone join our irish friend n his english wife fer a sangle malt tastin down at a place name of keens steakhouse, witch tiz also known as keens chophouse. fer them that lacks to eat meat, they gut a bunch of it. ye kin read a reviews ifn ye lack: here n here n here.

innywho, last nite wuz finely the nite. twuz to begin at seven pm n we wuz rite on time. tiz a class place n we wuz in a private room upstairs. theonly purpose fer our bein thar wuz to taste n larn bout sangle malt scotchs. we wuz to be tastin a total of twelve of em n to make shore we gut a proper unnerstandin of whut we wuz a'doin, a feller name of F. Paul Pacult to splain thangs n make us laff n keep us frum a drankin too fast.

heres a pitcher of his book name of american still life:



whenever we arrived we all had to stand round nibblin on cheese n crackers n whutnot a'waitin to be let in. purt soon they opened up the curtain on a lil room in the back n in we went, witch whut we saw then wuz a room full of tables filled with glasses of sangle malt scotch. heres a idee whut it looked lack even tho the pitcher wuz tuck after everthang wuz over:




heres ye a lil closer look:


they wuz eleven of them glasses in each place n each glass had a lil number nex toot. heres the lineup we wuz a gone git to taste:

1. mystry malt whisky #1, 40% AbV, $55
2. glenmorangie 18 years old northern highland malt whisky, scotland, 43% AbV, $100
3. glenfarclas 17 year old speyside malt whisky, 43% AbV $80
4. flenfiddich ancient reserve 18 year old speyside malt whisky, scotland, 43% AbV $70
5. glenlivet 18 year old speyside malt whisky, Scotland, 43% AbV, $60
6. mystry malt whisky #2, 43%, AbV, $65
7. macallan 18 year old speyside malt whisky, scotland, 43% AbV $85
8. highland park 18 year old orkney islands malt whisky, scotland 43% AbV $85
9. bruichladdich 15 year old islay malt whisky, scotland, 46% AbV $70
10. lagavulin 16 year old islay malt whisky, scotland, 43% AbV $60
11. balvenie 15 year old cask strength speyside malt whisky, scotland, 47.8% AbV $60

at the bar 12. aberlour 15 year old speyside malt whisky, scotland, 43% AbV, $46

heres a pitcher of the lineup:


closeups of glenfarclas 17 n glemorangie 18:


closeups of glenfiddich 18 n glenlivet 18:


closeups of macallan 18 n highland park 18:


f. paul pacult gut started by splainin how he gut paid to drank whisky n how folks even lacked to read whutever he had to rite bout the subjeck n twuz clear purty quick he wuz a'tellin the truth on a counta twuz quite a show he put on. he tole us all bout whut a sangle malt is n how tiz made n yew caint hardly hold that much imfermayshun in yer haid all at once, but ill try to splain whut i member.

furst, ifn yer a'fixin to make a sangle malt whisky, ye gut to have yer water n thats one of them thangs that makes them sangle malt whiskys all taste a lil differnt. he splained how on one of that island name of islay the water wuz brown frum the peat, witch he dun been to all them island n distillries n all. each of them distillries has got em a differnt sorce of water, so thats one thang makes em differnt.

then thars the malt, witch he ast did innybidy know whut malt wuz n when dint nobidy offer to splain it, he tole us all bout how to git malt, witch whut ye dun wuz get the barley to germinate sos sum of them starches in it gits to turnin to sugar, witch the third gredient is a'gone need sugar, but befor we git thar, tiz in the makin of malt that ye kin innerduce the taste of peat on a counta they use peat fires to dry the malt.

once the malt gits good n dry, they make mash out of it by mixin it with water n the thurd gredient, witch thats yer yeast n one of the mos mazin thangs bout that is how each of them distillries has thar own yeast thats been a'growin since whenever they dun gut started in the distillry bizness, all the same line, witch tiz a nuther reason aint no two sangle malts that taste jes alack.

once ye gut yer mash seems lack ye git to makin it into a spirit witch the mash is bout 20% alkyhol but yer spirit is generly twixt 68% n 72%, witch twuz a lil sprize to larn that whut they do after they git it lack that is put it into casks, lack as not made of oak, sumtimes after the casks dun been used to age sherry or port or whut not, n everthang i dun menchuned is a nuther one of them reasons why they all taste differnt. later on they add more water real slow sos they kin brang down the alkyhol content to the rite level fer the taste thar after.

he tole us sum facks, witch i rote a cuple down, lack thays 91 sangle malt distillries in scotland, witch me n miz bd dun gut us a long way to go befor we git to taste em all. our irish friend knows me n miz bd has gut us a colleckshun of sangle malts we dun tasted, hut we're savin bout half of each bottle, so he ast wood they stay good after bein opened. f. paul pacult splained that after ye had opend a bottle of sangle malt, ye needed to git it drunk by 3 to 6 munths on a counta by then it could start to go bad. he sed at his house twuz generly all drunk in 48 hours. saddest fack menchuned wuz how 96% of all sangle malt is wasted by bein mixed with uther sangle malts to make blends lack chivas regal n johnny walker n dewar's. he showed us sum barley n a piece of a oak cask n sum peat, witch peat is plants thats dun died n been cumpressed but not quite to the point of becummin coal. turns out thars a almost endless supply over thar in scotland, witch ye could easly bleev god made scotland so the worl could have good whisky.

finely, the tastin begun with a mystry malt. f. paul pacult gut us to sniff at it n try to guess whut twuz. he tole us whoever guessd it would git a bottle fer free, but we couldnt doot on a counta twuz a lil tricky: turnt out to be johnny walker green label pure malt, witch that means tiz a blend of pure sangle malts. corse nobidy guessed twood be a blended malt. reason f. paul pacult had us taste a blend furst wuz sos we could git a idee bout the differnts. sides that, he claims thays sum grate blends n he lacks the one we wuz a drankin rite well. ye caint hardly git thisn in amruka but ye kin find it in duty free shops. he claims its rite good. i caint find a lank toot.

next cum the glenmorangie 18 year old northern highlands malt whisky, witch one of the mane thangs bout glenmorangie is how they use the tallest stills of all them distillries n that makes thar whisky verr smooth. corse it loses sum of that oily smell n kin miss sum of the peatiness. on tuther hand, thisn had a rich cumplex smell n taste, grate finish.

on the opposit end of thangs frum the glenmoranie 18 wuz the macallan 18 year old speyside malt whisky, witch they gut the squatest stills of em all n that means ye git a lil more oily taste. fer me it sniffd smooth n had a great taste that ye lack to keep in yer mouth n a nice warm finish, a perfeck blend. turns out this is the most poplar sangle malt scotch in amurka.

i caint fergit to mentchun how the secunt of them mystry malts dint git guessed neethur on a counta who coulda guessed twood be frum ireland! turnt out to be bushmills 16 triple wood single malt. twuz on the sweet side with the taste of vanilla n butter, sorta malty, smooth n warm a'goin down. f. paul pacult sed his favert everday whisky wuz black bush!

sum other highlights:
1. f. paul pacult claims the glenlivet 18 year old speyside malt whisky is the best speyside scotch. twuz one of the best balanced scotchs we tasted. it gits its name frum the glenlivet river n whenever it furst cum out, it wuz by far the bes till uther folks wonted to call thar whisky glenlivet but thay wuz a lawsuit n now thays only one distillry that owns the name.

2. the peatiest one of the bunch wuz also everbidies favert, witch thatn wuz the lagavulin 16 year old islay malt whisky. me n miz bd picked it fer our favert as well.

3. prizes wuz won: my irish friend, witch he paid fer everthang n ye caint hardly thank im a nuff, he won a bottle of glenfarclas 17 year old speyside malt whisky. his english wife won a bottle of f. paul pacults favert, witch thats highland park 18 year old orkney islands malt whisky n lucky thang wuz how twuz her favert too. bes of all, miz bd won the prize of the nite, wuz the glenmorangie 18 year old northern highlands malt whisky, witch heres a pitcher of her holdin it:



whenever twuz over, everbidy wuz feelin grate n acktin lack they wuz ole friens. i gut a pitcher of f. paul pacult, witch here tiz:


twuz a wonderful evenin n couldnt hardly cum at a better time. me n miz bd had a worl of woe to discuss, so we tuck a cab ride with a greek cab driver who wuz proud bout the olympicks n then the ferry cross to jersey n then we wuz resless, so we tuck us a long walk after midnite long the hudson.

thays magick in them thar sangle malts.

evnin plans of buddy don: sangle malt scotch tastin at keens steakhouse

tiz the long awaited nite: me n miz bd is a'gone go down with our irish friend n his english wife to participate in the tastin of world class sangle malt scotches at keens steakhouse over in man hattan. i mentchund this place a while back. ifn ye foller the lank to the steakhouse, ye kin read a lil bout whuts plannd.

ifn i dont have too much of a hangover in the mornin, i plan to rite the hole thang up. i dun tuck tomorruh off as a day of vacayshun.

life of buddy don, chaptur 120: the fambly refleckted in liza's eyes

one afternoon not long after the sprang quarter gut a'goin, i cum home frum ritin lab n wuz sprized that emily wuznt thar. i checked fer a note or sumthin, but thay wuznt nuthin to tell me whar she mite be. i figgerd she wuz probly stuck in confernts with her major perfesser or sumthin, so i put in a cuple taters to bake n went over to the lil grocery on laurel to see bout gittin sum chicken or pork chops.

by time i gut back, emily wuz home n twuz a bit of a shock to larn she had spent the afternoon over at lizas apartment. she had gone thar to git her hair trimmed but she n liza gut into a long discusshun bout the duncans. twuz a bit of a shock to larn how we all looked in her eyes n ye mite could figger in emilys fer that matter since whut cum out wuz sorta lack a cunsentsus of thar pinions bout us. twuz a lil discuncertin to here it, but how else ye gone larn how ye look to other folk ifn ye wont listen to whut they gut to say bout ye?

mayhap the mos tellin comment she had wuz that she figgerd twuz only eli amung the hole fambly that wuznt newrotick. he mite be sighcotick, but not newrotick. liza claimd mama had serious mental problems on a counta how she wuz dirt poor n run away befor she finishd hi skool n gut marrd young to a verr cold, over educated man n started pumpin out kids rite away, bearin four of em in the furst five years. bof emily n liza figgerd that our family wuz rite peculyer whenever it cum to how clannish we wuz.

liza figgerd each of us had problems with insecurty. she caint doubt bout brew havin problems with his inferiority complecks on a counta how they been a'goin together fer over a year, witch shes had plenty of chantses to observe it. she reckuns me n roena may dun proovd how insecure we wuz by gittin marrd too young. she claimd maisies cunvintsin oscar clowder to marr her wuz a page frum the same insecure book. turnt out roun this time eli had dun moved back into mamas, so she claimd that proovd he wuz jes too insecure ever to make it on his own.

bof emily n liza add mired daddy moren he deservd. liza sed he wuz stuck in a tragickull situwayshun that had dun ruint his life.

she claimd eli wuz fixin to have sum kinda major crisis, mayhap one that could leave him ded.

bofem felt that a fambly whar the daddy made it clear that he really dint lack one of the kids, witch that wood be roena may, that a famly lack that wuz overly strange n purty damn sick, speshly since us boys picked up on daddys feelins, lease fer the furst few years, n that put mama in frunt of roena to perteck her, witch corse that meant twuz lack a war with daddy trine to mount his attack agin the fortificayshuns of mama n roena may, not that they had much fer defents.

liza claimed a nuther problem with the fambly wuz how the parnts lacked to say one thang, lack how much they luv one a nuther, but do a nuther. liza hated havin to go to the fambly gatherins on a counta how mama always ended up a'crine, eethur on a counta bein happy or hurt or angry.

bofem thought thay wuznt much rong with eli eethur now or in the past that couldnta be cured with a good kick in the pants. his relayshunship with mama n daddy wuz tipicull bout most everthang that they figgerd wuz rong with the hole fambly. cordin to liza, eli had im a despert need fer ackceptunts n luv n approovl frum his parnts. he gut sum of it in the wurds spoke by mama n even daddy now n then, but tiz painful how obveeus twuz that they wonted him to move out. the tenchun betwixt whut they sed n whut they rilly felt cawzd him to ride a rollercoaster tween the hi points of glowin under thar affeckshunut wurds n the low points of grovlin under thar obveeus disaproovl n worn out impayshunts with im.

turnt out brew also felt this bout his ownself n dint know how to say no to mama whenever she wood invite him over, witch he wood go even tho he often as not dint wonta do whut she wood ast him to do n that he sumtimes refused n then gut to feelin awfull bout it. he hadnt never felt verr luved by mama n daddy n he dint keer much fer the fambly, spendin time with us frum a feelin of guilt n obligayshun ruther than true deesire.

then she tole bout a lil incident that purty much splaint everthang she had to say.

twuz one of them fambly dinners with everbidy thar ceptin fer me n emily n roena may n her fambly. after eatin, mama gut into a long story bout a funeral she had dun tended. turnt out the ded lady wuz only a verr distunt acquaintunts that mama barly even knew, but that dint keep her frum tellin the tale lack she had dun lost one of us. eli, ever honest n impayshunt with false sentiment, gut sarcastick n abusiv till he finely gut a fuss n fite a'goin twixt him n mama. corse that led purty quick to mamas tears, witch that made everthang git real quite, purty much lack ye mite speck after such emoshunull firewurks. long bout then maisie sed the mane reason mama n eli fuss n fite so much is how thar jes lack two peas in a pod. liza sed mama had her hed down on her arms, a'sobbin away whenever maisie sed that but as soon as twuz sed, her hed snapped up n she hissd, witch 'hissd' wuz the verr wurd she used n emily quoted it back, she hissd at maisie, 'dont ye never say that!' eli left fer his room, a'slammin the door. mama, wailin anew, went to her bedroom. daddy sed, 'well.'

life of buddy don, chaptur 119: payshunts

durin the winter quarter of 1981, i tuck a class i wuznt spozed to take n everbidy tole me twood put me behind on finishin my masters 'on time.' twuz hard to unnerstand what the hurry wuz on a counta thay wuznt much in the way of jobs that i could see fer folks with thar masters in english, but twuz a refrain i herd a lot whenever i sined up fer a class name of advanced creative ritin. they had em a riter thar who had dun published a shelf of books. twoodnt do to call his name, so ill jes refer to im as the grate riter.

twernt lack i dint take the reglar graduwait assistunt -- 'ga' -- duties n a cuple english graduwait classes, witch i wuz takin one class in the victorian novel n a nuther in 19th centry poetry. fer my ga duties, i had a class i wuz teachin with a dee jay feller name of eddie philips, witch he claimd he wuz whut they call a abd, witch that stands fer all but dissertayshun. he wuz gittin a lil long in the tooth fer such a pursoot, speshly since he had dun been at it fer near ten years n fer him, time wuz a'runnin out. i reckon thats why he tuck the job of a dee jay at that classickull musick stayshun they gut over at utk, witch ye kin tune it in a 91.9 whenever yer in knoxvull ifn ye wonta here how it sounds today. tuther ga duty i tuck wood be much more importunt in the long run of my life, witch twuz to wurk in the ritin lab. ill cum to splain thatn direckly.

but whut wuz eggcitin to me that quarter wuz how i gut to show my wurk to a real publishd riter n could git him to tell me whuther twuz wurth it to try to make a livin by ritin. the anser i gut wuz bof bettern wurser than whut i wuz a'hopin, witch i had dun figgerd how twuz often the case with tellin fortchuns frum all the tarot card readin i had dun.

on the furst day in that class i could see why folks wuz a'tellin me not to take such a class. twoodnt do nuthin tords gittin me graduwaited n wood take up time n woodnt have me bein pushed by the rite kinda competishun. that las lil bit dint make much sense to me till i gut to the class n found it filld with verr young students who wuz still ritin down how bad it hurt to be a teenager. i wuz thonly grad student in the class, witch that meant i had way more eggsperients than innybidy else, bof with ritin n with livin a nuff to have sumthin to rite about. so them that wuz advisin me, witch that wuz manely my major perfesser dr alexander, wuz rite in one sense, but they dint know jes how big a hed i rilly had: fer me, the competishun wuznt tuther students atall. twuz the grate riter.

now twernt lack i wuz hopin he wood read my wurk n deecide he had met his match nor nuthin lack that. twuz i wonted to proov i had the talent i figgerd i had n i wonted him to bless it n mayhap innerduce me to his agent or sum uther kinda way give me a laig up on the ritin bizness. so i polishd up my bes wurk, stories i figgerd wuz good then even ifn i caint find a one of em now nor wood i wont ye to be a'readin em, lessn twuz to proov a point, witch is that i wuznt near as good as i hoped i wood be. that aint to say that the grate riter dint lack my wurk purty good. i handed in this one story name of 'entertainment for men,' n he sed twuz purty well dun, good dialog n care ackters, but then he sed sumthin that put me into a real quandry: 'you write well, but you are still trying too hard.'

no ye coulda dun sed mos innythang to me bout my ritin, even criticizin it n all, but whut wuz i spozed to do with add vice lack that? ifn i wuz trine too hard, how wuz i spozed to git better? try hard not to try too hard? quit trine? i hardly knew whut to thank bout that add vice, so i tuck him sum stories i hadnt hardly tride to make good jes to see whuther mayhap i wuz a natcherul or sumthin. he tole me he dint much lack it when folks wuznt willin to rite new thangs fer his class. twuz a ritin class, not a class on diggin thru yer ole papers to find sumthin to hand in. mayhap i dint take his class all that serious.

well that gut me a'goin rite good. i had been a'wurkin on a novel frum the time emilys mom maureen brung us sum notebooks. i had tride to doot a differnt way frum how i dun crap notes, witch i jes rote a chaptur n then tride to figger out whut to do next, even tho i had the mane idee alreddy. but with the new novel my hope wuz to make a outline n do lil care ackter sketches n all that kinda thang. turnt out to be a lot of stuff a bidy could do to make hisself feel lack he wuz wurkin on ritin sumthin without ever havin to rite much of nuthin. but i tuck them notes n a few drafts i had writ n wurked verr hard not to wurk too hard on ritin em up into a chaptur or two of the new novel. thang wuz, even whenever i had finishd typin em up n tuck em in to show the grate riter, i knew i dint wonta rite that particlar novel. i jes wonted him to tell me i had talent n he could hep me git started.

but twernt whut happend. he tole me twuz the bes thang i had handed in up to then, but whenever we wuz goin over whut had been handed in, he dint ast fer me to read mine to the class, witch he had dun that with the furst cuple thangs i handed in, even ifn twuz to show the class how close a bidy could cum without hittin the mark. in sted, he wonted the class to here a story write by a young gurl, witch to me she seemd lack she should still be in hi skool. i wuz burnin whenever she gut to readin. i wuz trine lack crazy to spot flaws. sum of the ritin wernt nuthin but pure cliche. it hardly had no style toot but wuz jes a purty strate tellin of how a young gurl gut raped by her boyfriend but cum home thankin she wuz the one dun rong. i wonted to hate it, but by the time she had the young lady packin her thangs so she could leeve home n brang no further shame on her fambly, i wuz so caught up in it to whar i couldnt hardly member to figger out whut wuz rong with it.

whut hurt the mos wuz how twuz bettern innythang i had handed in my ownself.

so i tuck to ritin sum quick pieces, trine my hardest not to try but trine hardern ever. it gut to the point whar i hated a'goin to that class on a counta how it seemd lack he wuz jes a'usin everthang i had writ to make points to the class on how ye kin be a real good riter n still make the mos basick miss takes, lack fergittin to mentchun the weather or how sumbidy looked or eggazackly whar sumthin happend or jes not bein all that specifick. i wont never fergit how he sed to the class, after he had dun red one of my stories to the class his ownself, pointin out all the good thangs but notin that whenever ye gut dun with it, twuznt a verr good story. he even had a hole class on why twuz such a failure.

corse, whenever he sed my ritin wuz a failure, it seemd lack he wuz a'sayin i wuz a failure. i wuz shore twuznt true n wonted to proov it to him in the wurst way, but whut i wuz a'doin wuz usin the wurst way to doot, witch wuz to git mad at him n try to show im. i finely tuck it into my mind to rite a letter to im splainin how rong he wuz, but i figgerd twood be better ifn i let it be lack a story with a care ackter gittin reddy to have a fuss n fite with sumbidy. once i gut it set up, the thang pratickly rote itself. by the time i handed that in, i dint keer much whut he thought bout me. corse, that turnt out to be the bes thang i rote, lease accordin to his way of lookin at thangs. whut made is wurse wuz how all my anger at im faded bout as quick as he handed it back with a 'a' on it n a lil note sayin 'This is some fine writing, Bud."

after that class i went by to see him in his offus. i reckon the rest of the english department wuz a lil ashamed of the grate riter on a counta his offus wuz on a differnt floor frum all tutherns. thays that sayin, witch i probly dun writ it once but it bears repeatin: them that kin rite, rite, but them that caint rite, teaches. innywho, i went by n wonted to let him know how serious i wuz bout ritin. i ast him could i brang him a novel i had dun writ, not fer credit in the class, but to find out ifn thay wuz inny point in trine to git published. corse whenever i wuz astin fer his pinion, i wuz rilly jes wontin his praze. he tuck the manuscrip fer crap notes n even ackted lack he wuz glad to git it.

i kep throwin thangs together to hand in, gut in the habit of thankin thru a lil thang i wonted to show bout the weather or the way grandie's house smelt or mos inny lil thang. i figgerd i had dun muffed his class n mite jes as well git sum practiss in on thangs bout my ritin i needed to wurk on. i even rote one purty good story witch i kin stand to read even today. but all i rilly wonted to here wuz his praise fer crap notes.

we finely gut to the las day of that class, witch fer me twuz lack the las card bein laid onto the table of the celtic cross. i could see how he had brung the manuscrip to class n i half hoped he wood tell the class bout his discuvry of a grate amurkin novel n ritin talent. it dint go thataway. in sted, he handed out the last thangs we had writ, lettin folks go once they had gut em, witch they had bof the grade fer that last bit of ritin n fer the class on em. bout halfway thru i figgerd i wuz a'gonna be last, witch that made sense on a counta how i wuz thonly grad student.

finely everbidy wuz gone n he give me the last paper i had handed in. i wuz a lil sprized to see he had give me a 'a' in the class, speshly after all the criticism he had dun put me thru. then he give me the box holdin crap notes n sed, 'It's a big old baggy American novel.' i dint hardly know whut to say bout that, so i kep quite. then he sed i wood need to have payshunts.

'payshunts?'

'Bud, I know this is going to be hard for you to hear. You are young and full of energy and talent. You want to make your living as a writer. That's not much of a living, by the way. But you have a metaphysical mind and that means you have to avoid becoming impatient. It's going to take a long time for you, longer than for most, to settle down. People with truly great talent always take time to settle down, to do their best work. You haven't got it made by a long shot, but you are well on your way and, barring unforseen disaster or unperceived lack of character, you will make it, probably beyond your wildest imagination. Realize that you could be a writer such as Kafka.'

i wuz about to burst with pride to hear that. twuz all i could do to say, "kafka?'

'I mean, you might not find any success until after you are dead.'

i doubt ifn i touched the ground fer lease half the way home. i wuz verr happy n could hardly wait to tell emily. but i dint make it that far befor them doubts gut to settin in. i wonted to git published rite then. i wonted to make money by ritin. ifn i wuz a'gone take a long time to settle down n do my bes wurk, whut wuz i spozed to do in the mean time. fack is, by the time i gut home, i wuz feelin bout as down as i knowd how to feel.

i dint even brang up whut the grate riter had tole me whenever emily cum home, manely on a counta how she had dun talked over her thesis with her major perfesser n he had praised her wurk n tole her she should be thankin bout whar she wuz a'gonna go fer her doctorut. twuz moren i could stand hearin on a counta i wuz reddy to quit livin in acadeem n git to livin in the real worl. i could feel the itch to fuss n fite with her risin up in me n no doubt we wooda been scrappin befor dinner wuz et, but thar cum a knock on the door n twuz virgil. i et the last of my dinner n ast him did h he wonta take a walk, witch he figgerd we could go down to the vol market n git a quart of beer n mayhap walk over to the expo grounds.

we dun jes that n i tole him all bout whut the grate riter had tole me. i sed i wonted to be grate, but i dint wonta half to wait. he sed he envied me in lots of ways. he had his inventchuns, but the problem with them wuz how hard n eggspensive twood be fer him to make inny progress on makin a prototype or gittin a patent n all that kinda thang. fer me, he sed, all i had to have wuz paper n pen n time. wuznt that a nuff? did i half to have the worl tell me i wuz grate fer it to be wurth it? caws ifn twuznt, then why doot? ifn taint wurth it to try n fail, if the ritin itself wuznt a nuff, then why bother?

he wuz rite. we wuz bout halfway thru that quart of beer by then n wuz i ever sprized whenever he pulled out cuple joints mj had rolled him. he give me one n we lit tuther. we wuz sittin on a concrete wall in the dark a lookin over the ruins of the old trainyard n watchin the moon cum up. twuz a humid evenin n ye could spot the mist a'risin on the town. the beer n reefer wuz kickin in to whar we wuz bof feelin rite good.

finely i stood up n gut to deeclaimin, as twere. i tole him twuz wurth it to rite n ifn the choice wuz betwixt makin a lot of money but havin no ritin dun n havin a pile of paper dint nobidy wonta read after a life of barly makin it, twood be better to have the pile of paper. he laffed n drunk the last of the quart. i knew he wonted a nuthern, so i ast did he wonta walk down to the vol market. he waited a secunt n sed, 'payshunts.'

we musta sat thar sayin nary a wurd fer half a hour, watchin till the mist cum up hi a nuff to cover henley street.

edits of buddy don: get me re-rite

yesterdy twuz all i could do to git so far as i gut with the chaptur i wuz a'ritin on a counta i wuz feelin the furst symptums of a migraine a'cummin on. i reckon im still at the stage whar i thank i kin overcum it with willpower sum kinda way. i had to go to wurk fer sartin n jes couldnt afford to be havin no migraine. but facks -- reality, not wurds in a book, witch twuz whut the chaptur wuz about -- is stubborn thangs n one of em facks is how reality of a migraine is strongern inny willpower ye could brang to bear on it. so i hurried thru the chaptur n gut on the bus n made it to port authority bus station on 42nd st at 8th avenue. i gut offn the bus but rote a lil note on my blue blackberry splainin how i wuz not a'gonna be able to make it n astin thisn to take keer of one thang n thatn to take keer of a nuther. then i cum home n squirted that new nasal vershun of zomig up my nose. after that, twuz about all i could do to sleep thru the hole day. the good thang bout that is how i dont feel no after effecks at the moment n i gut over the wurst symptums as quick as i used the medicine.

innywho, twuz a plague on my mind whenever i real eyesed i hadnt dun justus even to the furst draft of a chaptur with whut i writ yesterdy, witch whut yer a readin is the furst drafts of ever chaptur lessn i do a re-rite, so im kindly walkin the tite rope ever day i have the guts to rite, witch i wish twuz ever day.

life of buddy don, chaptur 118: tell me a lil story

one of the thangs i larnt frum emily wuz jes how importunt the maginayshun is whenever it cums to sex. i reckon twuz always so fer me, but i caint say as how i had noticed it to such a degree till she cum along. corse, twuz the case whenever i gut to practicin kissin with darlene way back in chaptur 7: stains n uther complicayshuns one of the mane thangs i lacked to thank bout as i wuz fallin asleep n hopin fer one of them dreams wuz gittin to see darlene without a stitch on her. fack is, furst time i gut to see her thataway, twuz jes lack i had magined twuz a'gonna be.

but fer reasons i caint ritely splain, seem lack that kinda reackshun faded n it gut sos when suze wood ast me to take a bath or shower with her on a counta how she lacked to have sumbidy else wash her back, well, i wood git in that shower n go thru the hole thang without the furst thought of sex. corse, suze had her ways of brangin up the subjeck whenever we wuznt bathin. fack is, ifn ye could larn thangs by bein tole em, i wooda dun larnt thisn befor me n darlene ever gut hitched on a counta i wuz tole n even showed the fack of it, but i dint real eyes it fer years, till it tuck emily to demonstrate it sos i could git it finely.

way i wuz tole bout it wuz, i had a cuzin on mamas side of the fambly name of doyle mize, witch he wuz the son of aint sary n her furst husbin mike who wuz the bruther of ant ruths husbin pappy. innywho, he wuz oldern me n had dun been in the marines jes lack mos of the cuzins on mamas side of the fambly. that mint we figgerd mos innythang he ever sed had to be true. bein as i wuz so much yunger than him, i dint talk much with him, but he needed sum hep drivin a car cross cuntry one time n i wuz waitin to git marrd to darlene, so i wuz the one to doot. the trip tuck us thru las vegas n we went into one of them casinos they gut. we went sos we could git a free drank before goin to bed only i dint drank nuthin but coke on a counta not wontin him to know how i wuz a lergic to alkyhol.

while we wuz a'waitin fer sumbidy to brang roun the dranks, he wuz pullin on one of them one armed bandit thangs, witch i put a quarter in my ownself n gut $32 back in quarters, so i quit n tuck em to git em changed to foldin money. whenever i cum back, thay wuz a woman thar brangin the dranks n i wuz sprized bout how she dint have a stitch of clothin on ceptn her shoes n a par of long gloves n a lil collar that dint have no shirt attached toot. i kindly looked tuther way n wuz sprized how it dint git no reackshun frum me. i hadnt hardly been roun no nekkid women up to then n seemed lack in my maginayshun they wood git me aroused jes by the fack of thar bein nekkid, but in this case, it seemd mosly sad.

we tuck our dranks n doyle finishd feedin his quarters to the machine till it finely turnt him a'loose n we went up to a free room he'd gut us. thay wuz two beds in thar n we each tuck one. rite as i wuz bout to fall asleep he sed, 'aint nuthin less sexy than a nekkid woman.' i ast him why wuz that n he sed that when ye thank bout whut turns ye on, tiz sumthin that happens whenever the woman still has her cloze on n yer trine to cunvints her she mite wonta let em be tuck off. 'tis the seduckshun thats sexy, not the nekkid body.'

thatn tuck me years of pondern on till i could see jes whut he meant. corse whenever twuz jes darlene n me, we wuz havin sex lack twuz homewurk that ye had to do ever nite, witch i dun rote bout that in that chaptur 80 name of sex. we dint play roun too much with no seduckshun. twuz lack innythang with darlene whar ye had to git thangs started n dun the quickest way ye could do, so lack as not, we wood both be nekkid befor innythang gut a'goin.

thangs with susannah wuz differnt in most ways ceptn one, witch she wood let ye know she wuz purty much either in the mood or not n ifn twuz the latter, thay wuznt nuthin ye could do to cunvints her otherwise, n ifn twuz the former, twuz jes a matter of gittin to whutever twuz she lacked, witch she wood be nekkid bout as quick as we deetermined she wuz in the mood. one time i suggested how it mite be fun ifn she wood leeve sum of her cloze on durin the ack, lack ifn she wuz to wear a skirt without panties or ifn she wuz to let me buy sumthin sexy fer her to wear in the bed. that suggestchun led to one of our wurst fuss n fites ever. she claimed i dint luv her -- the real her -- but wonted to turn her into sum kinda fantasy of sum kind. i made thangs wurser by astin why did we have to keep fantasies out of our sex life n she ackted lack ifn i had to ast the questchun, then twuz obveeyus i dint unnerstand the most basick thangs bout her.

taint lack she wuznt willin to do sum verr sexy thangs n sumtimes ye could only do em whenever she still had her cloze mosly on, lack how she luved to doot out in natchur sumwhar n then twood be a matter of bein reddy quick to put yer cloze back on ifn sumbidy wuz to cum by. we mite be out paddlin in her canoe n spot a nice place to park n git out fer a bite n purty quick after we had smoked one of her skinny lil joints after eatin, she mite cummence to gittin idees bout havin me 'take her up agin that tree,' witch twernt as sexy a thang as it sounds ritin it now. we wood git over by the tree n git to kissin n she mite pull her pants n panties bout halfway down n ast wood i git on my knees, witch twuznt the bes posishun to get at her fer much moren makin shore she wuz properly lubrickated. she dint eggspeck to have no orgasum in such circumstances on a counta how twuz almos impossibull fer her to let herself go a nuff fer that even ifn she wuz home in her own bed. but purty soon i wood be standin n have my pants undun n she wood turn n hug the tree n ast me to take her. i wood doot, tho twernt near as sexy as it sounds now on a counta how i wuz watchin out to make shore nobidy wuz cummin by n trine to keep my pants frum slippin down to the ground n fack is, i wuz manely trine to finish on a counta durin such a episode, mane thang she wonted wuz fer me to cum.

ye mite kin member a book that cum out in 1972 name of the joy of sex, witch the bes thang that cum frum that wuz a nuther book by nashunul lampoon name of the job of sex. thang is, even with sumbidy lack suze ye could git to whar twuz the job of sex on a counta how she lacked to judge it by how minny times had we had it durin a sartin spell. ifn we hadnt dun it durin a week, then she figgerd we needed to doot a lil exter the nex week. she figgerd twernt healthy ifn we wuznt gittin it a lease three times a week, witch that dont sound lack much, but whenever yer wurkin differnt skedules lack we wuz, twuz a bit trublesum to fit it all in. she wuz also verr quick to git a yeast infeckshun but that dint mean she wonted to change the frequency inny only the method. corse, bein as how she could only reach her climax one way, that bein the delicut applicayshun of my tung, thay wuz plenty of times when she dint even speck to cum close to no release fer her own self. but that dint matter nun on a counta how she could tell fer sartin whuther i had cum n that wuz purty much how she wuz a'measurin thangs.

as ye mite speck, thangs wuz cumpletely differnt with emily. she felt lack it ruint thangs to have sex jes to have sex. she dint wont it lessn bofus wuz rilly a'wontin it. she dint lack havin it in the dark n dint lack havin it too much in dint lack it to be too perdictabull. she also dint thank sex wuz bout everthang ye could do leadin up to 'the male orgasum' n then rollin over to take a nap. fack is, she dint thank that the male orgasum had that much to do with good sex, mayhap on a counta she rilly larnt bout good sex frum havin it with that german teechur name of laura bishop. way she saw thangs, the male orgasum made a good epilog fer the mane story of sex, witch twuz the minny orgasums a woman mite have while keepin her man rite on the edge till he figgerd he wuz a'fixin to burst, witch she lacked to make me hold back jes a lil longer till i the burstin wuz almos moren i could take.

she also bleeved qualty wuz more importunt thatn quanty. so it could be weeks betwixt sesshuns n then we mite do lil else durin a hole weekend. she never lacked to have it after dark on a counta how she wuz turnt on by bein seen whenever ye finely pulled her jeans n panties off her. corse, she dint thank twuz rite to dress sexy: she also still dressed purty much lack she mite still be sparkin with laura bishop, witch her uniform wuz a flannel shirt, a pair of blue levis, underwired bra, cotton high-waisted panties, knee socks n boots or sturdy shoes that she bought in the mens department.

twuznt lack she dint unnerstan the power of a sexy image. long bout that time, we gut to whar we wood haunt used bookstores n one time we wuz out at a lil flea market place out on alcoa hiway, witch virgil n mj luved visitin the big flea market they had out thar ever week. on the way home, we mite git em to stop by that other flea market, witch virgil lacked lookin thru old colleckshuns of nashunul geografic or scientific amurkin. innywho, on this particlar trip i wuz pickin up a copy of the norton antholgy of amurkin literchur fer a dime whenever she sum up n sed thay wuz sumthin i should see in a lil back room. turnt out they had em a colleckshun of erotick literchur n mens magazines back thar. she had dun picked out a book name of the romance of lust n ast did i wonta git sum of them penthouse magazines, witch she sed they had sum good letters. corse i had dun been a'knowin that on a counta i had a huge colleckshun of mens magazines that i gut rid of whenever me n suze had that fite when i ast her bout keepin sum cloze on durin sex that wuznt outdoors. innywho, they wuz lettin em go fer 50¢ a copy or three fer a buck or 20 fer a five spot, witch the mos amazin thang bout that wuz how emily figgerd we should go with the best deal even if $5 wuz a lot fer us. but we picked up a see leckshun of em along with romance of lust n a book name of arabella.

twuz one of them moments in a marrg whar thangs changes ferever even ifn ye dont real eyes tiz whuts a'happenin. we gut home n let virg n mj cum up on a counta how i wonted to git hi n dint have no smoke, but twuz purty clear that me n emily wuznt much in the mood fer visitin. whenever virgil suggested we git a six pack, mj sed twuz time to go n let the two luvbirds git to whut theys rilly wontin to do. it tuck a lil while fer virgil to git whut she wuz a'sayin n then he wonted to talk bout it, but she gut up n sed he could stay ifn he lacked, but she wonted to git sum beer n git home. wuz he cummin? corse we hadnt sed he could stay the nite on our couch n dint have no plan to offer it, but he had a habit of stayin purty often durin the week. emily sed she needed to study.

'besides, buddys gut about a millyun papers to grade' n she she splaind how i wuz jes acktin lack i wonted a visit when whut i needed wuz to git to wurk. besides, she sed, tellin a lie that cawt me by sprize, 'he dun tuck one of them columbas fer his asthma n he aint spozed to drank after em.' that clinched it fer virgil on a counta in them daze he dint much lack to drank alone.

the door slammed on em finely n bout as quick as ye could say jimmy crack corn, emily n me wuz a'lyin in the bed with her astin me wood i unclip her bra, witch i dun it n she pulled it out sum kinda way women have whar they kin git thar bra off without takin off thar shirt. then she had me cum up beside of her, pillers piled hi sos she could lean agin the hed of the bed n read. we gut to lookin thru sum of them penthouse magazines n commentin on witch of the women looked best n witch looked jes plane stupid n why twuz that men lacked to look at women a'wearin practickully nuthin n assumin odd posishuns that folks dint normally use fer nuthin, not even sex, in real life. but twuz a verr sexy thang to do n we wuz bof so turnt on thar purty soon she ast wood i hep her pull off her pants n panties, witch while i dun that, all but one of them buttons on her shirt cum undun. i wuz still dressd n whenever i started to take off my pants, she ast wood i leave em on fer a bit, so i dun it. she wuz sittin so that even tho she wuz near nekkid, ye couldnt see nuthin on a counta the shirt hung down twixt her legs n she had her knee socks pulled to her knee n that one button kep thangs to whar ye couldnt git much moren a peak now n agin.

now ye mite could thank they wuznt much in this worl sexier than havin emily thar dressd lack she wuz n all, but twuznt nuthin new. she never wore nuthin differnt n as we leafed thru sum of them pitchers, i tride to point out how sexy it made them women to be a'wearin thangs lack stockins n skirts n all, but that jes made her say they had the bodies fer it n whenever i sed she did too, she tuck it lack twuz a insult, so i gut to kissin on that speshul place on her neck n then to strokin her thighs n gittin close but not touchin whar she wuz wontin me to. she gut to whar she wuz lyin back jes waitin fer me to finely make contack, but i dint do moren cum close. this hole time i wuz acktin lack she wuz showin me sumthin with them magazines tht i hadnt seen but a cuple times befor, so i ast her bout them letters she had mentchunned. she picked one of em back up n gut to readin.

purty soon i couldnt resist the urge to touch her whar she wonted it n purty soon i put my tung whar my fangers had been n she kep a readin till she cummenced to havin her orgasums, witch twuz always the odd-numberd one that wuz tuff fer her. so it tuck four letters before i felt her breathin reach a sartin state n then them twitches cummenced n purty soon she had her furstn, witch bout as quick as she quit twitchin the nextn started. then she wonted me to take my pants off sos she could see but she dint wonta touch yet till she had read thru sevrul munths wurth, a gittin her orgasums two by two till she finely sed she wonted to watch me. i dint know eggzackly whut she meant by that, but turnt out she wonted me to take keer of my ownself, witch i dint wonta doot till she sed she wonted to see whuther twuz hot lack it sed in one of them stories n that gut me a'goin till we proovd how twuz hottern she eggspeckted. as ye mite speck with emily, twernt the end of the fun by inny means but jes the start.

long bout the middle of the nex week, after we had et our dinner n watched barney miller n she had washed the dishes, twuz time fer me to go to bed, witch she always stayed up latern i did. but i wuz back leaned up agin the hed of the bed trine to read george merediths book name of the egoist when the door opend n in she cum. turnt out she had been feelin a lil guilty durin the hole marrg on a counta she knew i needed sex more often than she did. twuz a lil part of how she dint see the plot of sex with a man to be about the rise n fall of his penis, i reckon. she cuddled up n i gut to wunderin whuther she wuz in the mood, witch twuz after dark n she dint seem lack that wuz whut she wonted. finely she ast did i wonta look at one of them magazines. i ast her did she but she sed twuznt bout whut she wonted. she wuz wundern whuther i wood lack to look at one. i sed i mite, so she brung the hole stack out frum the closet n set em on the floor by my side of the bed. she tuck one out, witch it had sum pitchers she knew i lacked a lot, n she gut to astin me bout each pitcher n then she ast could she watch me agin. i ackted a lil stupid by astin her whut did she wonta watch. she sed she wonted to see whuther twuz true that a man could give his ownself a orgasum bout as good as inny he could git frum sex. i tole her twuznt n all, but she had read it n wonted to see n ast me to give myself the bestn i could do. so i dun it n she wuz eggcited a nuff to touch her ownself while she wuz a'watchin till whenever twuz over i had dun my one n she had dun four. she sed twuz eggcitin to see how eggcited i gut.

after that, she wonted me to do the same thang ever nite. mayhap twuz a strategy on a counta once i had cummenced with that habit, she figgerd twoodnt matter ifn we went three weeks without, witch we did that ever now n then but i never blamed her fer it. she sed she figgerd twood be good ifn we gut to whar the male orgasum wuznt the mane goal of sex n ifn twuz sumthin i had everday, mayhap twood keep thangs in perspecktive. i ast had i ever made her feel lack twuz jes my orgasum that matterd n she swore up n down it dint till i could tell sumhow that it kindly did.

the verr nex saturdy we wuz a'readin our books till shawn cum over to watch merchant of venus with us. i wuz glad he cum by since he had sum of theevil weed, witch i couldnt hardly git nun of my own. innywho, after he had left, a'givin me a purty thick lil joint on the way out, i broke up the joint to whar i could git a nuff to git hi four or five times usin a pipe n loaded up a lil. whenever i wuz a'doin that, emily sprized me by pullin out romance of lust n readin. corse, readin out loud to each other wus sumthin we had dun a lot, startin in west germany, so twuznt no sprize that she mite be readin out loud, but twuz a sprize whut she wuz a'readin. purty soon her pants n panties wuz lyin in a lil puddle on the livin room floor n we wuz each a'usin our tungs to turn tuthern on. i lost count of how minny times she had cum whenever she ast me did i wonta 'take her,' witch fer sum reason it really turnt her on to ast me to take her or even to do other thangs to her. she lacked all the wurds that ye aint allowd to say on tv. fack is, she wuz turnt on lack nobidy i had ever knowd by hearin wurds.

that led me to try ritin sumthin a lil racy to read to her, so i dun it. i rote one whar the two of us wuz on a beach n we had drunk sum wine till she had dun fell asleep. in the story i restrained her sum kinda way to whar she couldnt see nor git up neethur one n then i tuck off her bikini bottoms n told her bout how folks wuz reacktin to seein her displayd lack that. ye couldnt hardly find nuthin to make her hotter n purty soon i gut to whar i wood make em up n be whisperin em in her ear till she wood ast me to take her but to be verr still n read more. i wood read n sum kinda way them wurds wood be lack fangers a'touchin her jes rite till i could hear how her breathin n twitchin wuz reachin that point whar she meltin, all frum the sexy stroke of wurds.

now corse, lack as not the touch of wurds wood be accentchewaited by the touch of fangers, mine or hers, but the thang that gut me most bout this wuz how emily spent almos her entire life inside the covers of a book. she wuz the readinest person i ever met. so twuz natcherul how we wood read out loud to each other. whut i dint real eyes then n even tuck a good while longer to larn it wuz how she dint lack the worl outside of books. she dint lack the real worl, startin with her own bidy. no matter how i mite beg her to try wearin sumthin a lil differnt frum knee socks n flannel shirt, lease now n then whenever we wuz in bed, she woodnt doot.

fer one thang, lack ever woman i ever gut to know, she jes dint lack her bidy all that much. she figgerd her calves wuz too big, witch that cum frum a'wearin earth shoes fer years, lease cordin to how she tole it. she also thought her smell wuz too strong n her behind too flat n yew name it, she could find a flaw of sum kind. so she dint lack the real thang, dint lack dressin up. she could see how the look of such dress mite be purty a nuff to git yer injuns a'racin, but she figgerd in the real worl n with her bidy, twoodnt wurk. it dint matter nun how much i tole her i lacked her bidy, how nice her figger wuz, how purty her breasts n laigs n her n mouth. dint matter nun on a counta she had dun passd judgment on her ownself n innythang i tride to tell her made her wunder why i wood lie to her bout sumthin lack that lessn i wuz wontin to get sumthin. funny thang wuz, i wuz a'wontin to git sumthin, witch twuz the same thang she wuz a wontin to git, but she dint wont it ifn she thought i had dun lied to her bout her bidy. twood git us into a fuss n fite, lack as not.

but ifn she wuz readin us sum of them letters from penthouse or frum sum of the erotica we wuz gittin at the flea markets or even better, ifn i wuz whisperin a sexy tale in her ear, then twuznt lack twuz a lie she wuz a'hearin but lack a truth too good to be real. ye mite could thank this wuz a strange kinda way to live, but twuz a purrfeck match in lots of ways. she lacked stories n i lacked makin em up n ritin em down now n then.

so she lived mos of her life lack twuz a story in a book n ackted kindly lack a liberry lady who wonted ye to hush up sos folks could read. corse, that jes made thangs hotter whenever twood appear lack she dint have no innerest atall in sex n bit by bit i wood cunvints her till she wood finely start kissin me back a lil. but kisses n touchin is real n kin only go so far. ifn she wuz a'gone let herself git seduced, twood be a battle all the way, witch that made it all the sweeter whenever she give in. twuz a verr sexy moment whenever she dun it n twood generly cum with the same statement of surrender: 'why dont ye tell me a lil story?'

life of buddy don, chaptur 118: the sexy stroke of wurds

i had a cuzin on mamas side of the fambly name of doyle mize, witch he wuz the son of aint sary n her furst husbin mike who wuz the bruther of ant ruths husbin pappy. innywho, he wuz oldern me n had dun been in the marines jes lack mos of the cuzins on mamas side of the fambly. that mint we figgerd mos innythang he ever sed had to be true. bein as i wuz so much yunger than him, i dint talk much with him, but he needed sum hep drivin a car cross cuntry one time n i wuz waitin to git marrd to darlene, so i wuz the one to doot. the trip tuck us thru las vegas n we went into one of them casinos they gut. we went sos we could git a free drank before goin to bed only i dint drank nuthin but coke on a counta not wontin him to know how i wuz a lergic to alkyhol.

while we wuz a'waitin fer sumbidy to brang roun the dranks, he wuz pullin on one of them one armed bandit thangs, witch i put a quarter in my ownself n gut $32 back in quarters, so i quit n tuck em to git em changed to foldin money. whenever i cum back, thay wuz a woman thar brangin the dranks n i wuz sprized bout how she dint have a stitch of clothin on ceptn her shoes n a par of long gloves n a lil collar that dint have no shirt attached toot. i kindly looked tuther way n wuz sprized how it dint git no reackshun frum me. i hadnt hardly been roun no nekkid women up to then n seemed lack in my maginayshun they wood git me aroused jes by the fack of thar bein nekkid, but in this case, it seemd mosly sad.

we tuck our dranks n doyle finishd feedin his quarters to the machine till it finely turnt him a'loose n we went up to a free room he'd gut us. thay wuz two beds in thar n we each tuck one. rite as i wuz bout to fall asleep he sed, 'aint nuthin less sexy than a nekkid woman.' i ast him why wuz that n he sed that when ye thank bout whut turns ye on, tiz sumthin that happens whenever the woman still has her cloze on n yer trine to cunvints her she mite wonta let em be tuck off. 'tis the seduckshun thats sexy, not the nekkid body.'

thatn tuck me years of pondern on till i could see jes whut he meant. corse whenever twuz jes darlene n me, we wuz havin sex lack twuz homewurk that ye had to do ever nite, witch i dun rote bout that in that chaptur 80 name of sex. we dint play roun too much with no seduckshun. twuz lack innythang with darlene whar ye had to git thangs started n dun the quickest way ye could do, so lack as not, we wood both be nekkid befor innythang gut a'goin.

thangs with susannah wuz differnt in most ways ceptn one, witch she wood let ye know she wuz purty much either in the mood or not n ifn twuz the latter, thay wuznt nuthin ye could do to cunvints her otherwise, n ifn twuz the former, twuz jes a matter of gittin to whutever twuz she lacked, witch she wood be nekkid bout as quick as we deetermined she wuz in the mood. one time i suggested how it mite be fun ifn she wood leeve sum of her cloze on durin the ack, lack ifn she wuz to wear a skirt without panties or ifn she wuz to let me buy sumthin sexy fer her to wear in the bed. that suggestchun led to one of our wurst fuss n fites ever. she claimed i dint luv her -- the real her -- but wonted to turn her into sum kinda fantasy of sum kind. i made thangs wurser by astin why did we have to keep fantasies out of our sex life n she ackted lack ifn i had to ast the questchun, then twuz obveeyus i dint unnerstand the most basick thangs bout her.

taint lack she wuznt willin to do sum verr sexy thangs n sumtimes ye could only do em whenever she still had her cloze mosly on, lack how she luved to doot out in natchur sumwhar n then twood be a matter of bein reddy quick to put yer cloze back on ifn sumbidy wuz to cum by. we mite be out paddlin in her canoe n spot a nice place to park n git out fer a bite n purty quick after we had smoked one of her skinny lil joints after eatin, she mite cummence to gittin idees bout havin me 'take her up agin that tree,' witch twernt as sexy a thang as it sounds ritin it now. we wood git over by the tree n git to kissin n she mite pull her pants n panties bout halfway down n ast wood i git on my knees, witch twuznt the bes posishun to get at her fer much moren makin shore she wuz properly lubrickated. she dint eggspeck to have no orgasum in such circumstances on a counta how twuz almos impossibull fer her to let herself go a nuff fer that even ifn she wuz home in her own bed. but purty soon i wood be standin n have my pants undun n she wood turn n hug the tree n ast me to take her. i wood doot, tho twernt near as sexy as it sounds now on a counta how i wuz watchin out to make shore nobidy wuz cummin by n trine to keep my pants frum slippin down to the ground n fack is, i wuz manely trine to finish on a counta durin such a episode, mane thang she wonted wuz fer me to cum.

ye mite kin member a book that cum out in 1972 name of the joy of sex, witch the bes thang that cum frum that wuz a nuther book by nashunul lampoon name of the job of sex. thang is, even with sumbidy lack suze ye could git to whar twuz the job of sex on a counta how she lacked to judge it by how minny times had we had it durin a sartin spell. ifn we hadnt dun it durin a week, then she figgerd we needed to doot a lil exter the nex week. she figgerd twernt healthy ifn we wuznt gittin it a lease three times a week, witch that dont sound lack much, but whenever yer wurkin differnt skedules lack we wuz, twuz a bit trublesum to fit it all in. she wuz also verr quick to git a yeast infeckshun but that dint mean she wonted to change the frequency inny only the method. corse, bein as how she could only reach her climax one way, that bein the delicut applicayshun of my tung, thay wuz plenty of times when she dint even speck to cum close to no release fer her own self. but that dint matter nun on a counta how she could tell fer sartin whuther i had cum n that wuz purty much how she wuz a'measurin thangs.

as ye mite speck, thangs wuz cumpletely differnt with emily. she felt lack it ruint thangs to have sex jes to have sex. she dint wont it lessn bofus wuz rilly a'wontin it. she dint lack havin it in the dark n dint lack havin it too much in dint lack it to be too perdictabull. she also dint thank sex wuz bout everthang ye could do leadin up to 'the male orgasum' n then rollin over to take a nap. fack is, she dint thank that the male orgasum had that much to do with good sex, mayhap on a counta she rilly larnt bout good sex frum havin it with that german teechur name of laura bishop. way she saw thangs, the male orgasum made a good epilog fer the mane story of sex, witch twuz the minny orgasums a woman mite have while keepin her man rite on the edge till he figgerd he wuz a'fixin to burst, witch she lacked to make me hold back jes a lil longer till i the burstin wuz almos moren i could take.

she also bleeved qualty wuz more importunt thatn quanty. so it could be weeks betwixt sesshuns n then we mite do lil else durin a hole weekend. she never lacked to have it after dark on a counta how she wuz turnt on by bein seen whenever ye finely pulled her jeans n panties off her. corse, she dint thank twuz rite to dress sexy: she also still dressed purty much lack she mite still be sparkin with laura bishop, witch her uniform wuz a flannel shirt, a pair of blue levis, underwired bra, cotton high-waisted panties, knee socks n boots or sturdy shoes that she bought in the mens department.

twuznt lack she dint unnerstan the power of a sexy image. long bout that time, we gut to whar we wood haunt used bookstores n one time we wuz out at a lil flea market place out on alcoa hiway, witch virgil n mj luved visitin the big flea market they had out thar ever week. on the way home, we mite git em to stop by that other flea market, witch virgil lacked lookin thru old colleckshuns of nashunul geografic or scientific amurkin. innywho, on this particlar trip i wuz pickin up a copy of the norton antholgy of amurkin literchur fer a dime whenever she sum up n sed thay wuz sumthin i should see in a lil back room. turnt out they had em a colleckshun of erotick literchur n mens magazines back thar. she had dun picked out a book name of the romance of lust n ast did i wonta git sum of them penthouse magazines, witch she sed they had sum good letters. corse i had dun been a'knowin that on a counta i had a huge colleckshun of mens magazines that i gut rid of whenever me n suze had that fite when i ast her bout keepin sum cloze on durin sex that wuznt outdoors. innywho, they wuz lettin em go fer 50¢ a copy or three fer a buck or 20 fer a five spot, witch the mos amazin thang bout that wuz how emily figgerd we should go with the best deal even if $5 wuz a lot fer us. but we picked up a see leckshun of em along with romance of lust n a book name of arabella.

twuz one of them moments in a marrg whar thangs changes ferever even ifn ye dont real eyes tiz whuts a'happenin. we gut home n let virg n mj cum up on a counta how i wonted to git hi n dint have no smoke, but twuz purty clear that me n emily wuznt much in the mood fer visitin. whenever virgil suggested we git a six pack, mj sed twuz time to go n let the two luvbirds git to whut theys rilly wontin to do. it tuck a lil while fer virgil to git whut she wuz a'sayin n then he wonted to talk bout it, but she gut up n sed he could stay ifn he lacked, but she wonted to git sum beer n git home. wuz he cummin? corse we hadnt sed he could stay the nite on our couch n dint have no plan to offer it, but he had a habit of stayin purty often durin the week. emily sed she needed to study.

'besides, buddys gut about a millyun papers to grade' n she she splaind how i wuz jes acktin lack i wonted a visit when whut i needed wuz to git to wurk. besides, she sed, tellin a lie that cawt me by sprize, 'he dun tuck one of them columbas fer his asthma n he aint spozed to drank after em.' that clinched it fer virgil on a counta in them daze he dint much lack to drank alone.

the door slammed on em finely n bout as quick as ye could say jimmy crack corn, emily n me wuz a'lyin in the bed with her astin me wood i unclip her bra, witch i dun it n she pulled it out sum kinda way women have whar they kin git thar bra off without takin off thar shirt. then she had me cum up beside of her, pillers piled hi sos she could lean agin the hed of the bed n read. we gut to lookin thru sum of them penthouse magazines n commentin on witch of the women looked best n witch looked jes plane stupid n why twuz that men lacked to look at women a'wearin practickully nuthin n assumin odd posishuns that folks dint normally use fer nuthin, not even sex, in real life. but twuz a verr sexy thang to do n we wuz bof so turnt on thar purty soon she ast wood i hep her pull off her pants n panties, witch while i dun that, all but one of them buttons on her shirt cum undun. i wuz still dressd n whenever i started to take off my pants, she ast wood i leave em on fer a bit, so i dun it. she wuz sittin so that even tho she wuz near nekkid, ye couldnt see nuthin on a counta the shirt hung down twixt her legs n she had her knee socks pulled to her knee n that one button kep thangs to whar ye couldnt git much moren a peak now n agin.

now ye mite could thank they wuznt much in this worl sexier than havin emily thar dressd lack she wuz n all, but twuznt nuthin new. she never wore nuthin differnt n as we leafed thru sum of them pitchers, i tride to point out how sexy it made them women to be a'wearin thangs lack stockins n skirts n all, but that jes made her say they had the bodies fer it n whenever i sed she did too, she tuck it lack twuz a insult, so i gut to kissin on that speshul place on her neck n then to strokin her thighs n gittin close but not touchin whar she wuz wontin me to. she gut to whar she wuz lyin back jes waitin fer me to finely make contack, but i dint do moren cum close. this hole time i wuz acktin lack she wuz showin me sumthin with them magazines tht i hadnt seen but a cuple times befor, so i ast her bout them letters she had mentchunned. she picked one of em back up n gut to readin.

purty soon i couldnt resist the urge to touch her whar she wonted it n purty soon i put my tung whar my fangers had been n she kep a readin till she cummenced to havin her orgasums, witch twuz always the odd-numberd one that wuz tuff fer her. so it tuck four letters before i felt her breathin reach a sartin state n then them twitches cummenced n purty soon she had her furstn, witch bout as quick as she quit twitchin the nextn started. then she wonted me to take my pants off sos she could see but she dint wonta touch yet till she had read thru sevrul munths wurth, a gittin her orgasums two by two till she finely sed she wonted to watch me. i dint know eggzackly whut she meant by that, but turnt out she wonted me to take keer of my ownself, witch i dint wonta doot till she sed she wonted to see whuther twuz hot lack it sed in one of them stories n that gut me a'goin till we proovd how twuz hottern she eggspeckted. as ye mite speck with emily, twernt the end of the fun by inny means but jes the start.

long bout the middle of the nex week, after we had et our dinner n watched barney miller n she had washed the dishes, twuz time fer me to go to bed, witch she always stayed up latern i did. but i wuz back leaned up agin the hed of the bed trine to read george merediths book name of the egoist when the door opend n in she cum. turnt out she had been feelin a lil guilty durin the hole marrg on a counta she knew i needed sex more often than she did. twuz a lil part of how she dint see the plot of sex with a man to be about the rise n fall of his penis, i reckon. she cuddled up n i gut to wunderin whuther she wuz in the mood, witch twuz after dark n she dint seem lack that wuz whut she wonted. finely she ast did i wonta look at one of them magazines. i ast her did she but she sed twuznt bout whut she wonted. she wuz wundern whuther i wood lack to look at one. i sed i mite, so she brung the hole stack out frum the closet n set em on the floor by my side of the bed. she tuck one out, witch it had sum pitchers she knew i lacked a lot, n she gut to astin me bout each pitcher n then she ast could she watch me agin. i ackted a lil stupid by astin her whut did she wonta watch. she sed she wonted to see whuther twuz true that a man could give his ownself a orgasum bout as good as inny he could git frum sex. i tole her twuznt n all, but she had read it n wonted to see n ast me to give myself the bestn i could do. so i dun it n she wuz eggcited a nuff to touch her ownself while she wuz a'watchin till whenever twuz over i had dun my one n she had dun four. she sed twuz eggcitin to see how eggcited i gut.

after that, she wonted me to do the same thang ever nite. mayhap twuz a strategy on a counta once i had cummenced with that habit, she figgerd twoodnt matter ifn we went three weeks without, witch we did that ever now n then but i never blamed her fer it. she sed she figgerd twood be good ifn we gut to whar the male orgasum wuznt the mane goal of sex n ifn twuz sumthin i had everday, mayhap twood keep thangs in perspecktive. i ast had i ever made her feel lack twuz jes my orgasum that matterd n she swore up n down it dint till i could tell sumhow that it kindly did.

the verr nex saturdy we wuz a'readin our books till shawn cum over to watch merchant of venus with us. i wuz glad he cum by since he had sum of theevil weed, witch i couldnt hardly git nun of my own. innywho, after he had left, a'givin me a purty thick lil joint on the way out, i broke up the joint to whar i could git a nuff to git hi four or five times usin a pipe n loaded up a lil. whenever i wuz a'doin that, emily sprized me by pullin out romance of lust n readin. corse, readin out loud to each other wus sumthin we had dun a lot, startin in west germany, so twuznt no sprize that she mite be readin out loud, but twuz a sprize whut she wuz a'readin. purty soon her pants n panties wuz lyin in a lil puddle on the livin room floor n we wuz each a'usin our tungs to turn tuthern on. i lost count of how minny times she had cum whenever she ast me did i wonta 'take her,' witch fer sum reason it really turnt her on to ast me to take her or even to do other thangs to her. she lacked all the wurds that ye aint allowd to say on tv. fack is, she wuz turnt on lack nobidy i had ever knowd by hearin wurds.

that led me to try ritin sumthin a lil racy to read to her, so i dun it. i rote one whar the two of us wuz on a beach n we had drunk sum wine till she had dun fell asleep. in the story i restrained her sum kinda way to whar she couldnt see nor git up neethur one n then i tuck off her bikini bottoms n told her bout how folks wuz reacktin to seein her displayd lack that. ye couldnt hardly find nuthin to make her hotter n purty soon i gut to whar i wood make em up n be whisperin em in her ear till she wood ast me to take her but to be verr still n read more. i wood read n sum kinda way them wurds wood be lack fangers a'touchin her jes rite till i could hear how her breathin n twitchin wuz reachin that point whar she meltin, all frum the sexy stroke of wurds.

life of buddy don, chaptur 117: takin differnt paths

mayhap the mane reason me n virgil wuz bes friends wuz how we could share our big dreams with each other. purty much this cunsisted of talk n more talk, me bout the thangs i wuz plannin to rite, virg bout the inventchuns he wonted to patent sos he could change the worl n git rich in the process. in my case, the dream wood flip back n forth twixt musick n prose, but twuz always sumthin to do with creatin stories n wurds n such.

but virgil had the dreams of a real vishunairy. whenever we wuznt havin our arguement over whuther pi could be a priori or not, twuz a matter of his deescribin them thangs he wonted to invent.

twood be rong to pertend i could foller everthang he deescribed, but i could unnerstan how they wood cum out, jes not whut kinda wurks wood be inside makin em go, so to speak. his mane inventchun wuz a infinit gear ratio transmisshun, witch the idee here wuz sumthin lack the analog version of the digital gears. in sted of furst, secunt n thurd gears, ye wood have a slope of torque ye could ride, witch ye woodnt have deescreet gears but differnt gear ratios accordin to how fast ye wuz a'goin or how minny pounds ye wuz towin with yer injun. he wood make pitchers n rite lil pomes on em n fack is, they wuz beeyootiful to look at, even ifn twuz hard to figger how ye could git frum the pitcher to the transmisshun a'wurkin in a car.

sum of his other idees turnt out to be real thangs later on: he bleevd he could make a flat tv that a bidy could hang on the wall n watch, witch i always tole him thatn seemed lack a better inventchun to go after, but he sed twood require him a gittin lecktronick parts that wuz eggspensive n thay wood be a slew of false starts n all. so thay wuznt no way he could ever afford to try sumthin lack that.

he also had idees bout a saddelite radio netwurk that wood wurk everwhar in the worl a'usin communicayshuns saddelites. he figgerd twood change the worl n mayhap frum the radio netwurk thar could be a tv netwurk. n he figgerd them same saddelites could hep figger out whar thangs wuz. fer instunts, he had this noshun bout installin a lil chip in yer hed to keep up with whar ye wuz n give ye better math skills n such -- sorta lack a built in calculater that could do uther thangs lack make fone calls n store lil idees ye could record. he magined everbidy havin one n havin em all lanked up to whar innybidy could talk to innybidy else that wuz on thar list of folks they had dun give thar lecktronick signatchur, witch that wuz kindly lack a fone number.

he claimd thay wood cum a day when cumputers wuz shrunk down to mosly nuthin sos they could be everwhar in sted of jes in big ole cold rooms. he figgerd folks wood git em down to lil more than that chip they wood be installin in thar heds. long story short, he had im lodes of good idees n histry has dun showd whut a vishunairy he wuz.

so twuz only natcherul whenever we gut dun with our undergraduwait degrees he wood git im a job as a injuneer over in oak ridge in one of them lil places that heps out the nukular industry thar. twuz a differnt path than whut i tuck on a counta how i deecided to go to graduwait skool. thay wuz minny a time i envied him on a counta how it seemd lack he wuz out livin life n at the age of 29 i wuz still jes fixin to live it sumday.

but thay wuz a nuther way we tuck differnt paths n mayhap that partin of the ways wuz even more importunt to how thangs wood cum out in the long run. lease twuz sumthin that wood git me wurried bout my frien. whut im talkin bout now is how he turnt into a juicer n i turnt into a doper, ifn ye acksept the broad definishuns. twernt lack i woodnt drank nor lack he woodnt smoke theevil weed or drop acid or nuthin, but whenever it cum rite down toot, ifn he could have jes one thang to git hi on, twood be beer or wine or whisky, sumthin with alkyhol in it. ifn i had jes one thang, twood be theevil weed.

fer me the problem mite coulda been how i wuz so skinny. i still weighd only 125 pounds on a good day back then, so thay wuznt hardly no way fer me to hold my likker. twuz easy to bleev i wuz a lergick. part of that cum frum how i gut hi on theevil weed befor i dun much drankin so that whenever i tuck a drank, i did it lack i wuz smokin a joint, trine to git off on it. i dint care much bout the taste nor nuthin else, so whenever i wood drank, lack as not i wood later have a lil date with the toilet n whut folks joked wuz the teknicolor burp. i dint lack bein drunk, dint lack havin no hangover the nex day, dint lack makin a fool out of myself, dint lack how i couldnt play no piano much whenever i wuz drunk.

fer virgil thangs wuz differnt. fer one thang, his folks luved a drank bettern innythang. minnys the nite we wood stay up talkin till the sun cum up with his folks jes gittin drunkern drunker without ackshly fallin asleep. i never figgerd out how they could hold so much n twuznt lack they wuz trine to git me to drank since i wuz too yung n always tole em bout bein a lergick. but virgil gut to whar he could drank jes as good as his mama n daddy could n lil by lil it seemd lack he lacked bein a lil soused bettern innythang else.

i member one thursdy evenin in particklar, tho i could probly find plenty more lack em. twuz a misty day whar the weather wuz 'spittin rain' as daddy lacked to say. ye dint need no bumbershoot to walk roun, but ye wood git rite moist by the time ye had walked innywhar. i member how that day i wuz feelin good on a counta i wuz doin my two weeks of solo teachin n i had students ritin in class. i member thankin how teachin wuz the bes thang i had found fer wurk. durin that time of my life it seemd lack the biggest problem i had wuz findin wurk i lacked that wood pay the bills. it seemd lack one of lifes biggest puzzles.

innywho, i cum out of the class feelin grate n the furst thang i see is emily -- mein liebes mädchen -- a'waitin fer me. she wuz wearin the corderoy coat that cum with one of them soots mama bought me to take to west germany. her hair wuz pulld back into a pony tail, but the mist wuz a'makin it curl to whar lil tendrils wuz cummin a'loose. she wuz happy n ye could see that glow in her eye witch meant we wood be havin sum kinda add ventchur in the bed, ifn we made it that far. my hart wuz meltin by the warmth of her beeyooty n luv n happiness. as i walked along a'holdin her hand, i couldnt hep but thank bout how lucky i wuz. all my self-centerd cumplainin bout emily seemd so self-indulgent n rong. i figgerd at that moment, i had a better life than innybidy.

corse a magickull moment lack that caint last ferever n twuz ended all of a sudden as we begun climin the hill to the laurel marrd students apartments when we purt near run rite into virgil, who had dun been up to knock on our door. he sed he really needed to talk bout sum thangs.so much fer inny sexshul add ventchurs that evenin. emily dint fite it much on a counta thays always plenty a grad student kin do with a lil free time.

so we went up n i dropped my thangs off n out we went to git the mail n talk. turnt out he wuz upset bout how thangs wuz a'goin at wurk. turnt out he had innerduced a cuple of idees n gut em laffed at by near everbidy at his job n then a cuple they hadnt laffed at turnt out not to wurk. it dint matter that a cuple of his idees turnt out to wurk. he jes felt lack he wuz a miserbull failure.

'i need to grow thicker calluses,' he sed. i laffed. then he sed, 'i need to learn my job better. i hope im able to do it.'

we gut the mail n went back upstairs. we all talked a lil n smoked a lil, theevil weed fer virgil n me, marlboros fer emily. but purt soon, twernt a nuff fer virgil, so he ast could we go down to revco to git a quart of beer. we dun it n cum back up. i cunvints him to stay fer dinner n then fer the nite. we et n then gut a lil visit frum brew n liza, witch whenever virgil wuz splainin his wurk trubles to em it gut us all laffin n acktin silly. they hung round till bout 8, witch they knew twuz my bedtime, but virgil needed to talk sum more. me n emily tride to git him to read sumthin out loud with us -- twuz amung our favert pursoots -- but he wonted to take a walk. i dint wonta go on a counta how twuz my bedtime, but ifn yer inny kinda friend to sumbidy, ye gut to be thar when they need ye.

i wuz still trine to git virg to real eyes twernt no nite fer walkin, but rite then a fire alarm went off n we all went down. once we wuz down thar, twernt hardly possibull to say no bout goin futher. emily dint wont to be out on such a nite, so she went back up.

we lef n started walkin. we wood generly walk down to the expo site so he could talk bout how he wonted to have a display proovin his infinite gear ratio transmisshun. twuz deeserted then n a purty good place to walk, but he wonted to walk down to the srtip, witch thats also called cumberland avenue. so thats jes whut we dun. he wonted to go into a place to git a beer, so we stoppd at a fone booth n called emily to tell her whut we wuz a'doin. she sed thar had been a nuther false alarm, but she dint even go down fer it.

we went into a place name of 'the last lap,' witch twuz a typicull place whar students lacked to hangout n git drunk: thay wuz beer n loud musick n pin ball machines n four men fer ever woman. we found a lil back room whar the musick wuznt near so loud n gut to talkin bout whut botherd him mos, witch twuznt his job atall but lust. twuz the real reason -- long with the beer -- we wuz in that thar bar. corse thay wuznt no woman in thar lookin fer a marrd man n virgil dint have the skill of makin small talk that a woman wonts to here, so purty quick we wuz out n walkin home.

bout halfway thar, he sed he dint wonta go in yet. i tole him i had to sos i could be rested fer my fridy classes.

'friday?' he ast.

'tomorry.' i anserd.

'but i thought today wuz . . . on no. i told everyone at wurk that i expected to have finished my project by the end of the week. i could have sworn today wuz wendsdy.'

'taint. tiz thursdy. ifn ye really wonta git up a five, we orta go upnow.'

'you go ahead. i'll be in later.'

so i give him my key n went up n went to bed.

whenever i gut up nex mornin, i found the couch empty. i made sum coffee n started readin as i did mos ever mornin of my life. i kindly wunderd whut had happend to virgil, but i figgerd mayhap he had deecided to go on home.

long bout 5:30 i heard sumbidy trine to git in so i went to the door n looked outta the lil pin hole to see who twuz n thar wuz virgil stotes a trine to git that key into the lock. he nearly fell to the floor when i pulld the door open.

'you still awake,' he sed, his voice thick, his wurds slurrd.

i splained how i had dun slept the nite.

'what? what time is it?'

he checked the time.

'oh my god,' he sed, holdin his hed, 'the police are after me.'

'why?'

he splained how theyd dun found him asleep on the ground outside of the laurel marrd students apartments with his coat inside out. they wonted to take him to jail fer publick drunkenness, but after he showd em the key and sed 'fourteenth floor,' the let him cum up.

'whut did ye do las nite,' i ast him.

he wudnt ritely shore whut he had dun. twuz a cumplete blank. he stunk of alkyhol n couldnt hardly walk nor talk neethur one. fack is, he wuz a'fallin asleep on his feet.

so he lay down on the couch n wuz snorin by the time i had my shakespeare back open. i let im sleep till a lil after 7 n then gut him to wake up. made im take a shower n drank sum coffee n eat a lil brakefuss. he still stank of alkyhol, so i put a lil aftershave in his beerd. then he left.

i fretted over im fer a while. seemed lack thangs wuz takin a bad turn fer im.

then emily gut up n purty quick we wuz in a fuss n fite on a counta she sed twuz time fer virgil to face the fack he had a drankin problem. i dint wonta here it so i tride to deefend him by sayin twuz a aberayshun, a one time thang. she sed how twuz always a one time thang. twuz true of her daddy n i needed to acksept how twuz true of virgil.

we sorta made up by time we had to leeve n as i walked to class we gut to whar she went one way n i went a nuther. later on, we wood meet back up n take the same path home whar i wood fix dinner n we wood make luv at long last.

but in the divergents in the paths me n virgil wuz follerin, twuz a twain that woodnt never meet agin.

questchun of buddy don

how cum them christchuns in power dont have faith in the thangs they bleeves in? how kin they square whut thar a'doin n preechin with whut Jesus sed in Matthew, chapturs 6 & 7? (ifn ye wonta git the point, yer gonna half to read the hole thang, witch i know taint a habit of mos folks to read the ackshul bible since they gut preechurs n revernds n preests to splain it to em)

(i dun the boldin of sum lines to hep em stand out fer them that dont wonta read moren the lease they kin git away with.)

Matthew 6
1: Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.
2: Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
3: But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:
4: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.
5: And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
6: But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
7: But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.
8: Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.
9: After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
10: Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
11: Give us this day our daily bread.
12: And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
13: And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
14: For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
15: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
16: Moreover when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
17: But thou, when thou fastest, anoint thine head, and wash thy face;
18: That thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly.
19: Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
20: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
21: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
22: The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.
23: But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!
24: No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
25: Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
26: Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
27: Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
28: And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
29: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30: Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
31: Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32: (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33: But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
34: Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Matthew 7
1: Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2: For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3: And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4: Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5: Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
6: Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
7: Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
9: Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
10: Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
11: If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
12: Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.
13: Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:
14: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.
15: Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
16: Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
17: Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
18: A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19: Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
20: Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
21: Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
22: Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
23: And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
24: Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:
25: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.
26: And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:
27: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.
28: And it came to pass, when Jesus had ended these sayings, the people were astonished at his doctrine:
29: For he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes.

then thars that scene in gesthsemane, also frum Matthew, thisn frum chaptur 26:

48: Now he that betrayed him gave them a sign, saying, Whomsoever I shall kiss, that same is he: hold him fast.
49: And forthwith he came to Jesus, and said, Hail, master; and kissed him.
50: And Jesus said unto him, Friend, wherefore art thou come? Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus, and took him.
51: And, behold, one of them which were with Jesus stretched out his hand, and drew his sword, and struck a servant of the high priest's, and smote off his ear.
52: Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.
53: Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?

my apall gies fer astin ye to read the Bible to git my point. but ifn folks wunders 'whut wood Jesus do,' then the anser is not shock n awe, not bombin, not gittin revenge, not hatin yer enemies. i reckon thats jes too ole fashun a noshun fer the modern worl. but i caint hep but wunder whuther we woodnt be makin better progress at winnin harts n minds ifn we wuz usin the methods Jesus used in sted of the methods men dun cum up with.

fack is, i wish they wood leeve Jesus out of it whenever thar trine to justify whut thar a'doin.