life of buddy don, chaptur 16:
the acksident

the wurst thang that cum frum that trip to san fran cisco wuz howt made everthang i wuz a'doin seem differnt. i cant splain why but sum kinda way i wuz wishin i wuz up thar with virgil n i cudnt seem to git if offn my mine n corse that made wurk a tiresum thang. 

fur the furst time i saw whut mr dimund wuz a gittin at whenever he sed twuz wage slavry. seemt lack twuz n the overseer wuz a dicktater, witch that wuz the night shift manjer arnie hafner frum nebraska. he wuz a lil runt of a man but he pusht everybidy roun all the time. fack is, seemt lack he n me, we cudnt git along hardly. nuthin i did wood suit him n i gut to whar i wuz a fitin him back n he reeportid me strate to dick screema.

nex evnin thays news that dick screema wonted me to see him nex day at 3 pm n seemt lack arnie wuz a'woofin in his hart that dick screema wood ax me n i half hopet he mite. but thay say ye ought not woof n it proovd to be true this time too.

dick screema tuck me into his office n he give me a book, witch twuz the fountinhed by ann rand but i dint reed it in time. then he sat me down n give me a good talkin to. tole me id started out as a fine wurker, willin to do whutever it takes.

'What happened to the Tennessee Volunteer who never turned down any job? Who would mop or shilly shine or whatever i asked him. No questions, just a quick, "Yes, sir!" What happened to him? Now you act as if work were a problem. And you're becoming a problem.'

i add mitted it n i splaint that wurk had dun turnt borin n seemt lack i wudnt a'gittin no whar but jes a spinnin my weels. n he sed wood i cunsider takin the job of prep man at anuther store. i tole him it seemt lack he wonted to have it both ways, git rid of me n keep me n that made him laff. then he tole me he had to do sumthin about the arnold problem n that took me by surprize but i dint say nuthin.

fack is, he wuz a'givin me a chants to git a new start, n i needed it, n i tole myself id make thangs differnt.

wurkin prep man mint ye had to be thar by 4:30 am latest so i had to leev out by 3 am or 2:30 on a counta i lackt to git thar urly. twernt eezy to make the switch the furst time, but i gut uset toot purty quik.bein prep mint cuttin the lettuce n makin the onion rings n strawberry pies n makin sure the lines wuz stockt n the greese more or less cleen a nuff, that kinda thang. twernt bad wurk n i wuz trine hard not to have the urge to quit everythang n take off fer san fran cisco.

but it never cum to that. in sted, as i wuz a drivin home one evenin, heddin due west, i let the sun git in my eyes n misst it whenever this car stoppt in front of me. jes lack that, i crasht in toot n broke my lef laig.

twuz a brake in my life too. thay put a cast on me n sent me home with a bill i cudnt pay n i cudnt wurk neethur n fack is at furst i cudnt do much of nuthin cept lie in bed n watch tv n reed sum. n turnt out my laig wuznt heelin strate n them doctors wonted to do a operayshun to brake it agin n make it strate, but on a counta thay wuz no money n i wuz wurried a nuff bout the bills i dun had, i tole em id make do. miz deeanjello wonted to hep but i woodnt here't.

she wuz a grate nurs to me n she sed she wood wave the rent agin n when i ast cud i watch her wave it, she lafft. she wood cum in everday when mr deeanjello wuz a drowzin in front of the tv n we'd study us sum bibl n talk bout thangs n ifn twuz late a nuff, say 3:30 or so, she mite cunsider havin a glass of wine or sum vodka n squirt, n then she'd wont to talk n make jokes about her stripper bein laid up.

n turnt out she tole me more bout her life n that made me see her a bit differnt that i dun befor. she wuz born in see cawkus new jerzy n wuz razed cathlick jes lack mr deeanjello n turnt out thay met eech other at church. but thangs wuznt eezy, n one day she tole me sumthin that made her cry buckits.

whenever she wuz jes sizteen she wuz a'studyin the bibl n the catakizm n she fell in luv with a semunary studint. twuz tragickul on a counta the studint wuz a studyin up to becum a preest, witch in thar relijun revernds is callt preests n thay aint allowt to marry nor even have sex, witch i ast her dint that seem unnatcherul n she sed she reckont twuz but she hadnt never questchunt such thangs till she wuz much older. n then she fount the 'truth' bout bein a witness n all n she dint have to questchun thangs agin.

but the tragickul love dint seem to wont to leev em be n thay cum a time miz deeanjello, witch her name wuz mary flynn befor she gut mard n tuck mr deeanjellos name, so i reckon ye might should say, thay cum a time when miss mary flynn wuz spectin a chile n twood be the chile of the semunary studint only by then he might cud be made into a preest.

n turnt out mr deeanjello, witch miz deeanjello splaint how thay callt him johnny dee back then, turnt out he wuz rite sweet on her n he tole her he lovet her. n his love proovt to be true on a counta whenever she tole him her trubles, he never blinkt oncet n he sed everbidy makes miss takes but dint matter nun to him n he ast her wood she be his wife. n that chile wus a gurl n thay namet her ellen. she gru up to be a lawyer n movet to new york. n thay had em a secunt chile but he dint cum out so well n turnt out twuz a congentle thang, witch that mint twuz cawzed by thar genes n heredty n i nodded my haid lack i new whut she mint even tho i dint. n that chile died befor he wuz six, n thangs wuz never the same fer mr n miz deeanjello.

she kep sayin whut a good man mr deeanjello wuz n how good he treetid her. but fack wuz, she never forgot the preest n thay wuz times that she cudnt stand the site of mr deeanjello n thay wuz times it made her feel gilty how he wuz so good to her n she deespized him n hated the verr thought of tutchin him. n sumtimes she jes wisht she cud pertend twuz all a bad dreem.

then she splaint that she n johnny dee wuz a'goin together from middle skool. n thay wuz in hi skool whenever she fell in luv with that thar preest n she new twuz rong to betray johnny dee thataway. fack is, she almos wisht mr deeanjello wood do to her whut she dun to him. n twuz the furst time i ever herd innyone a'wishin to be done rong n i dint unnerstan it much till i wuz older.

then one day she woke me frum a nap n sed sumbidy wonted to see me n i ast her who but she dint say nuthin jes movet aside, n in cum darlene. miz deeanjello sed she'd go git a vase n pullt the door behine her.

darlene wuz a shure site to see, a'wearin a pink dress she dun new i lackt n white lacy socks n shiny patent lether shoos. n her brown red har wuz pullt back in a french brade. she had sum flowers, witch that wuz why miz deeanjello wuz a lookin fer a vase. twuz rite awkward till miz deeanjello cum back n the flowers wuz safely vaset up. miz deeanjello told us she wood be in the kitchen makin sum dinner ifn we needed her fer innythang n pullt the door closet agin.

we talked bout tha acksident fer a bit n then she ast to see the cast n i pullt up the covers n showed her how twent rite up n by then she wuz close a nuff to kiss n i cudnt say whuther i kisst her or she kisst me but we wuz so hot with desire till it felt lack luv n i have to add mitt i cudnt thank too strate.

n she cum everday n thar wuz kissin n tuchin n thangs pergresst to quite a state n i musta been a thankin poorly or sumthin on a counta sumhow i greed to let her use her savins to git me that thar operashun, witch she dun savet up a passle of money from her lowence n wurkin n whut not. n whenever she sed she wood pay fer that operayshun, that mint thay wuz no way i cud do innything but whut i dun.

witch i ast her wood she be my wife n a corse i new the anser whenever i ast the questchun.

life of buddy don, chaptur 15:
everthang is everthang n whut ye gone do?

miz deeanjullo uset to call me her stripper n masher. shed git to sayin such thangs oncet she wuz giggly from vodka n squirt n heres whart cum frum.

whenever i wuz a'wurkin in x change fer her wavin the rent, one of the jobs needed doin wuz to refinsh sum furnchur. so happent that i dun lartn how twuz dun n i tole her but she wudnt bleev me till i splaint how ye dun it n how i larnt it, witch ill splain direkly. oncet she new i cud doot good nuff to soot her, seem she had a passle of thangs that needed it. n that wuz all right on a counta i lacked that kind a wurk.

i cum to no that trade by wurkin fer my ant ruth at her junk shop, witch she callt it a anteek shop but whut she sold wernt nuthin but beat up furnchur. she she n uncle pappy wood drive up north to places lack virginny n cunneticut n delware n pennsillvany n haul back a trucklode of the mos gawd awful stuff ye ever seen. but uncle pap new how to fix em lack thay wuz new n then ant ruth wood sell em lack thay wuz presshus on a counta a bein anteeks even tho thay lookt bran new. n uncle pap tawt me the trade n wurkin fer them is how i saved the $72 i had whenever i lef home.

n the furst thang ye gotta larn whenever ye go to master the refinsh art is to strip the furnchur of the varnish n paint n dirt n gunk thats on it. ye wood be sprized whut peeple puts on thar furnchur. n ye call that 'strippin' the wood on a counta ye doot by porin this liquid callt 'strip' on the furnchur. n the strip gits that thar gunk to bubblin n ye kin scrape toff. corse ye had to be keerful on a counta whenever ye got strip on yer hands, twood burn wursen fire ants.

i splaint to miz deeanjullo how ye had to strip the furnchur furst n thats how she cum to call me her stripper.

she callt me her masher on a counta neethur she nor mr deeanjullo cud mash taters, witch whar i cum frum, yer born with the talent n i menshunt the portance of taters oncet n thay sed thay lacked em best masht but cudnt fix em thataway on a counta havin arthritis in thar hands. so i offert to show em whut i cud do n the way of tater mashin n seem lack thay wuz impresst. n thay lackt how thar wuz variyas kines i cud make lack butter n cheez or garlic or mash tater pancakes. n i tride sour creem, witch i larnt that from mr joe bob tanner whenever he bought me that stake dinner in chaptur 3.

n the deeanjullos thought twuz grand that i cud make taters, n thats how cum miz deeanjullo callt me her masher.

she wuz a all a'giggly n callin me both names whenever we dun stopped in this restrunt in san looey ohbispo fer lunch. she wuz havin wine after her dinner on a counta whenever she placet her food order she wonted wine n she bought too much on a counta the caraff wuz a better deal n then whenever we had dun et, she dint wont to waste it, n i greed with her that tiz a sin to waste thangs, tho fack is ye dont need sum thangs tall n aint a waste to loose em. n nuther fack is, when it cum to alkyhol, she wuz jes as lergic toot as me n my daddy. but i got no room to preech as ye gone see befor the end, not to woof.

she ast did i thank she wuz drunk n i sed ye cud say she wuz under the in floonce n that made her laff. n next she ast did i thank she wuz obscene n i tole her no but i did thank she wuz obherd, n that made her giggl so hard that whenever she cawt her breth agin she sed we better go. she draint her wine glass in a gulp n put a 20 dollar bill on the tabl, witch that seemt lack way too much but she sed not to worry bout it but i did innyway.

then whenever we gut back out to the car, she ast cud i drive the res of the way n i sed i cud so she clumb in the back in sted the front.

'I think I'll have a little nap, Bud,' she sed, a'yawnin. 'Dont let me sleep past San Jose.'

no dowt ye dun figgert out whar we wuz a goin, witch that wuz up to san fran cisco to see cud we git virgil offn drugs n brang him home. miz deeanjullo had dun brung her big bibl n she used it fer a piller. she sed i should drive keerful n i tole her i wood but she wuz a snorn befor ye cud say jack sprat.

twuz a long drive but i never gut lost even oncet on a counta thay gut these giant concreet rodes thay calls 'freeways' n oncet ye git on one, ye never turn nor nuthin cept maybe stop fer gas or food. i tride to wake miz deeanjullo in san hozay but she wuz daid to the worl so i stopt fer gas n i shuck her by her arm n that brought her a roun.

she ast wuz thar a ladees room n i tole her i reckont thar wood be but i hadnt checkt but thar wuz one i used n ifn twuz the only one twuz smellier than a outhouse. she sed that dint matter nun that she had to go no matter whut no matter whar n wood i be a doll n git her a squirt to drank n innythang i wonted n then she tuck a ten doller bill frum her purs in give it to me. the tank wuz neer emty n the squirt wuz 50 cent so i dint git nuthin fer myself n her change wuz still only four fifty.

i went back to the car but twuz emty so i went a'lookin fer miz deeanjullo n foun her finely in that restroom a wurkin on her make up, witch that wuz a good thang ackshully. she sed she had to look her best on a counta she wuz a'witnessin fer jeehovuh n right thar in that restroom we had wurds on a counta i dint wont her makin thangs wurse by preechin to virgil ifn he dint wont to heert, witch i dun new he dint, n she wuz a fitin right back on a counta she had a dooty to witness fer jeehovuh n spred his wurd. we went back n forth on whut we wuz a gone do n finely i dun quoted sum scriptchur my own self, the part whar yer sposed to shake the dust offen yer sandls ifn yer preechin at folks that dont wont to heert n that stung her sum on a counta it hit home.

so we greed on a genda she made up, witch it went thisaway. furst we wood eat our dinner n then she cud let me go see ifn i cud git virgil to cum back my way on a counta i also pointed out that the stoatses had dun ast me to doot not her. n whenever it gut to be nine i wuz spozed to meet her out in front of the restrunt, n then she wood git her chants to doot her way ifn twuz needed. n if twuznt i made her promis she woodnt say nuthin. n she greed to that on a counta i tole her id tell virgils parnts.

so we had dinner n i lef while she wuz finishin her wine, witch i dint say innythang bout that even if i wuz temptid.

tuck me a while to fine wherever virgil lived n then to figger which apartment on a counta the buildin dint seem lack twuz kep up. seemt lack thay wuz folks everwhar int n whenever i gut to whar he sed he lived, thay wuz a hippy thar with long har n strange close n he sed peace bruther n made that sine thay make with thar fangers n i sed same to ye, sir, n he lookt at me more keerful lack. i ast did virgil stoats live thar n the hippy seem lack he tuck a mint to git my point n then he sed yeah, virgil crashd thar, witch i ast ifn he wuz hurt in the crash n the hippy sed did i think i wuz funny or sumthin.

so i lef n walked a roun the nayburhood n fount me a place to stay whar i cud see virgils place, same as yed do ifn ye wuz huntin deer. thay callt the place the tender loin n thay wuz folks everwhar n thay cum in all kines, sum of em chinees n sum mexicun n sum black n sum white n mostem acktin lack thay wuz hippies. thay wuz all innermingelt till it was hard fer me to bleev on a counta that wuz the furst time i seen or herd tell of folks livin together thataway.

i have to add mitt i was mos amazed at everthang i was a'seein. most a stowndin of all wuz these wimmin thay had. thay wuz a strollin back n forth in front of the place i wuz a'standin n ever now n then thayd cum over n ast did i wont cumpny or did i wont a date n i thanked em n tole em i wuz a'watin on a fren of mine.

n purt soon, here cum virgil n myra jane. thay dint see me n i cud see thay wuz fussin over sumthin. virgil had a grocry bag n lookt lack he hadnt seen a bath in a while. myra jane wuz dresst lack them wimmin that wuz lookin fer cumpny n i dint no if i should inner fear but virgil saw me n hollerd wuz that me n i sed twuz n he run over n give me a hug n sed twuz groovy i had cum up n how long wuz i a'stayin n he had thangs to show me n places lack deeanjullo gate park n yew name it.

i wuz about to tell him whut i cum for but myra jane cum over n seem lack she cudnt tell i wuz thar but she wonted virgil to cum on. i sed hey myra jane n she ignored me so i sed virgil i cum to see cud i git ye offn drugs n brang ye back home. whut do ye say? i figgered warnt no point in wastin time trine to splain thangs on a counta ye cud see he wuz dun gone over myra jane till twuz a shame. dont git me rong we talkt a long while, witch thats whut made me late a'gittin back to miz deeanjullo. i neerly had him cunvinst n i thank he wonted to go but myra jane wood turn him her way n ast wuz he a man or a mous n i wuz thankin i cudda ast the same thang ceptn twood be rong.

i found miz deeanjullo a lyin down on a cot thay had in the manjers office back at the restrunt. thay sed she dun tuck sick n cudnt hold her dinner down n thay sed thay wudnt be no charge fer the dinner n wood i lack innythang n i sed i wuz a gone to drive back to lost angels so he give me sum coffee n even fillt up that coffee canteen miz deeanjullo brung. i gut her up n she thanked me n  i helpt her to the car n put her in back n started drivin.

n while i wuz a drivin, the hole thang wuz a goin thru my haid. them wimmin, fer instunts,  that wuz a lookin fer dates n cumpny -- tunrt out thay wuz ackshully men. thats rite, thay wuz men even tho ye never saw no sexier wimmin i dont care even if thay wuz men. n virgil n myra jane wuz frens with one n i met him or mayhap ye wood say her but he or she wuz mad on a counta he or she dun ast me did i want a date n i sed no.

n virgil tole me he dun tride pot n twuz wonderful but dint make ye crazy nor violint nor nuthin lack that but it made musick better n ye cud here new thangs ye never noticed befor. n he sed he wuz a gone trip soon, witch that mint he wuz a gone take sum lsd, n dint matter whutever i dun sed bout it, his mine wuz made up. n i dint questchun him bout it on a counta i cudnt help but wunder how twood be to doot.

fack is, the hole time i wuz tryin to convince virgil he should cum home, i wuz rilly itchin to do lack myra jane wuz a'sayin. as i drove, her voice wuz in my mine a sayin all that stuff about how ye gut to reech out n take a holt of yer life n have sum advenchurs n not sell out to the stablishmint. n whut about peace? n brotherhood? whut about art? n findin yerself? n makin musik? n feedin yer hed? life kin be a grate advenchur or a stoopid bore n then ye die. everthang is evethang n whut ye gone do? waste yer life wurkin?

n i had to add mitt that stuff wuz powrful indoosmint tho it dint seem to reech virgil so i ast him why dint we go. but then myra jane sed why dint we go git drunk n she lookt at me fer the furst time n virgil lafft in ast did i wonta cum n i splaint agin bout bein a lergic n sed i druther not.

but the hole way home i wunderd why i wuz the way i wuz.

whenever we got thar, i shuck miz deeanjullo awake n neerly had to carry her in the house. she tole me she wuz proud of me n sed thar wernt no better stripper nor masher either. i chucklet to be plite.

"You're a good boy, Bud," she sed, n fack is, that wuz jes whut i wuz, n when she sed it, seemt lack that wuz the problem. then she kisst my cheek n sed i shouldnt never change.

i tole her i woodnt, but i wuz lyin.

life of buddy don, chaptur 14:
hatchin a plan

oncet i had my own way of gittin aroun, i tuck to ridin that motorsickel everwhar n trine to see sum folks. corse, my wurkin nights mint i wuz in while everbidy at skool wuz out n when i wuz out in the daytime, thay wuz in, so i couldnt see my friens cept on winsday nite n then i had class. but i did my best to see sum folks n i cunfess i drove past whar darlene wuz a'livin a time or two or even mayhap mos ever day when i new she wood be in skool. i dint see her tall tho till after the acksident.

n i rode them hills of the 'see me valley' n thay wuz beeyootifull. saw whar thay made them cowboy n injun movies n got to whar i could take them sharp turns overn toe panga canyun jes lack i wuz a race driver, witch that turnt out to be rong.

thay wuz one place i gut to see sum folks, n that wuz over to the stoatses, witch that wuz virgils parnts n fambly. reckon i aint menshunt em yet, but i got to no em whenever virgil n i wuz still in skool n miz stoats wood pick us up n sumtimes id visit of a evenin n we wood talk bout musik n life n relijun n pall ticks n seem lack we hit toff rite well. thay lackt thar hard likker n thayd be a'drankin. thay had em a peeano n virgil could playt sum n i could figger sum meldies out n we wood take turns n dint seem to matter much whut we playd nor ifn twuz good neethur, longs mr n miz stoats had dun had a few of thar evenin dranks, thay thought twuz wunderful.

thay innerduced me to lots of thangs lack classkal musik n jazz, witch i dun herd of but hadnt never herd befor n twuz sum sweet stuff fer shure. thay also had em this stuff thay callt opry, but twernt all that good seem lack. fer one thang, the sangers couldnt sang in our lingo n fer a nuther thay wuz never no mandlin nor whut ye might call innythang hi lonesome. seemt lack a lot a catterwallin to me n couldnt touch the reel thang, witch everbidy nos thats the gran ole opry in nashvul.

but i listent reel careful n i figger ifn i herd the stuff a nuff, id mos lackly git to lackin it. thats how tiz with musik. aint nun of it all bad. virgil n me, we cum up with a quayshun bout musik that went thisaway: ifn ye lissen hard five times to the same song, even that artifishul opry, ye gone start lackin it mos ever time. thang is, thays folks that goes thar hole lives without ever oncet lissnin hard. mos folks jes use musik to keep the background frum bein too quite.

innywho after my last murkin gummint class, i drove by darlenes n then over to virgils on a counta thay wuz no way i could go home so urly on a counta id be awake all night by habit. i saw that all thar lights wuz a burnin so i parkt my bike n rung thar doorbell. thay wuz happy to see me n insistid i cum in so i did. thay offert me a drank to sellabrate my gittin shed of the gummint class but thay dint have no rc n i wudnt allowd to drank hard likker n thay sed wuznt i a dult n i sed i dint no fer sartin but i new i shouldnt be a'drankin on a counta my famblies a lergic toot.

that gut em a'goin n thay wundert how my fambly could be a lergic to hard likker n i tole em i dint no howt cum to be, but my daddy splaint whut happent whenever we wuz week or stoopid a nuff to drank it, witch we wood git rowdy n say thangs we ought not say n git in fites n genrully do thangs we ought not do n we wood wake up with god awfull hedakes the nex day n be dee hi drated, not to menshun thursty as dust n all. n thay lafft as if i wuz a'makin a joke, witch i wuznt. i tride hard drank later on in life, n turnt out that everthang my daddy claimt bout our how we wuz a lergic wuz true, right down to the hedake.

i tole em water wood be bes n thay brung me sum with ice, witch i never figgert out why thay had to be ice in everthang ye drank. wuznt water genrully the same tempachur as the air? but i never complaint n thay ast me how wuz virgil a'doin n i tole em i wuz thar to ast em the same thang n miz stoats started in to crine n astin dint virgil do nuthin to git in touch n dint i no whar he mighta dun gone? i tole em mos of whut i new, witch that wuz how he wonted a go to san fran cisco to hate ashbury. miz deeanjullo turnt up the tears a notch whenever i sed the wurds hate ashbury n mr stoats had to cum to the rest cue by sayin let me refresh that thar drank.

n by time he cum back with more likker fer him n his wife, she dun dride her tears. turnt out thay wuz wurried bout whuther virgil wuz on drugs n i tole em i dint no but he wudnt on em whenever i wuz last with him fur as i could tell n i dint thank he wuz in need of no medasin.

n whenever i sed that thay right thar tuck the time to straten me out on drugs by splainin bout marywanna n lsd n heroin n all kinda thangs, witch cum to fine out folks wuz a takin medasin even when thay dint need it but jes sos thayd be able to scape reeality n i had to add mitt virgil seem lack he wuz a wontin to scape whenever he lef. i wuz carefull not to menshun innythang bout myra jane.

so we hatched us up a plan, witch twuz that soons i herd sumthin frum virgil, id go up n see could i brang him back n git him offn them drugs he wuz scapin with. n woodnt ye no, i gut a lettr frum him the verr nex week n he tole me whar he wuz n ast why dint i cum up thar n see whut wuz happnin. so i ast dick screema could i have a exter day off n he sed i dun urnt me 2 n i sed thankee n he sed twuz his pleshur n he sed he hoped i membered that ye dont git paid ifn ye aint a'wurkin n i sed thays sackrufices ye have to make in life n this wood be one.

i tole miz deeanjullo whut i wuz a plannin n she seem lack she wonted to tell me i couldnt go but then she sed i wuz a dult n could do whut i lacked but but but n but, but fack is, she couldnt cum up with a but fer it. n she ponderd ont fer a bit n sed i shouldnt try to ride a motorsickle so fur n i had to add mitt i dint no how fur twuz n she sed she wood go with me n i sed ok on a counta whut else could i say?

n thats how i cum to take miz deeanjullo to san fran cisco to hep me try to git virgil offn drugs n to brang him back to his mama.

life of buddy don, chaptur 13:
the motorsickle

whut i hadnt figgert on wuz how tard a bidy gits after cookin till 3 am, witch thats when the restrunt closed, n then 'closin,' witch that mint cleenin up after yerself. n thay wuz rite particlar bout how ye had to cleen. furst ye had to cleen the gunk offn yer own grill, witch ye dun that by gittin a scoop of ice n dumpint on the grill n then a'scrapin while twuz hot n steemin up. twuz too bad ifn ye misst it n let the ice melt without scrapin, witch i only made that miss take oncet. 

then whenever ye wuz dun with that, ye had to filter the greese, witch ye cud git yerself hurt easy nuff on a counta ye had to lif the deep fat while twuz hot n pore't thru a filter n ifn the greese wuz too gunkt up, ye clogged yer filter n had to stop porin, witch oncet ye got to porin twuz kindly like peein, witch everbidy nos that ifn ye start, tiz near impossbull to stop. tuck two to doot rite.

i cud go thru the hole list, witch ye had to cleen everthang n filter the greese n mop the floors n shine ever bit of metal ye cud fine n bust the greese frum everthang usin dee turgent with hot water n put the knives whar thay blongs n spatchlas too n prep fer the food prep folks, witch thayd be cumin in a cuple hours, but i thank ye git the pitchur without more dee tales.

spose ifn id cum strate home afterds, thangs might cudda turnt out differnt, but seem lack oncet ye wuz finely dun, ye wonted to do sumthin sides go home, lack sit in a nuther restrunt with the folks ye wurked with n talk bout how busy twuz last night n whut yed dun wisht yed sed to the nite manjer, witch he wuz whut thay callt a 'prick' cawz he wuz lazy n a lil on the stoopid side n thought he wuz bettern everbidy else.

speekin of new wurds, that restrunt wuz loded with em. one my faverts wuz  akshully a number, 86, witch that mint minny thangs. fer eggzampl, ifn a waytress wuz to order sumthin by miss take, she cud holler out, '86 that,' n ye new ye cud ignore everthang she dun sed n she wood start over agin. n ifn ye found sum all beef patties that wuz too old to use, witch that mint ye cudnt cover up the smell no matter how much ye cooked em, then yed say, 'That meats 86,' n then ye cud say to sumbidy, '86 this,' n that mint throw t'out. n ye cud insult folks by sayin thay wuz 86. twuz a rite useful number.

nuthern i lacked wuz 'hot stuff,' witch that mint dont move or ye gone git burnt cawz i got sumthin hot ye cud bump into. twuz used fer thangs that wuznt even hot, lack a plate of food that sumbidy dint wonta drop or sumthin hevy ye wuz a'carryin or even jes 'Get out of the way.' n thay wuz a nuthern callt 'behind you' witch twuz rite simlar to 'hot stuff' only it rilly mint be careful.

innywho, it got sos id be lucky to git home in the dark n that dint solve the problem of the bibl study. problem wuz, i jes cudnt be awake n reddy to study innythang befor mr deeanjullo wuz awake, n he wudnt put up with no bibl study when he wuz a roun. ackshully, he cud tolrate it, but miz deeanjullo wudnt doot in front of him on a counta the way he'd make fun of sum the stuff that wuz writ down in that thar bibl. n ifn i cudnt make the bibl study n wonted a sleep all day n then git up jes in time to get dresst n leeve out fer wurk, thay wuz hardly no time to say boo to the deeanjullos, n thay got to figgern thay wuz bein cheeted. i reckon thay wuz lonely with jes each other.

thay wernt no anser fer't n i new i wuz gone have to move. n that wernt easy on a counta i needed to git me a car.

fack is, thangs wuz harder n i spected. i wuz steddy puttin money aside but it dint go as quick as ye might thank. turnt out that even a'makin as much as i wuz, ye cud barely keep up. i genrly wurked frum 4 pm to 4 am, witch that mint id urn, countin nite differential of ten cent a hour, $2.38 times 8, witch that cums out to $19.04 plus OT of $3.57 times 4, witch that wuz $14.28 fer a total of $33.32 urnt in a day. n in six day, ye cud urn yerself 6 times $33.32, witch that wuz $199.92. n the gummint tuck a slice n the union tuck a slice n thay wuz other dee duckshuns i cudnt rightly splain even now, so time ye gut yer weekly check twuz down to bout $130 or so. ye take yer $20 frum that fer rentin the room n the car fer a week, n $5 fer gas fer a week, n then i had to git me sum new shoes n pants n all, witch i dun lack dick screema sed n got cloze jes lack his. n i needed new clodhoppers on a counta the greese dun ruint the good par i brung frum tennessee. n a har cut wud set ye back 50 cent. n point is, ever time ye turnt aroun thay wuz sumthin else ye had to pay.

bile it down, n whut ye gut was $350 hid in the mattriss after id been wurkin a cuple months.

i gut to figgern n plannin n wundern how to make thangs cum out. i dun promist the deeanjullos id git a car, but whenever i went a lookin at em, turnt out thay wuz almos as dear as a house. furst i wuz hopin to git a new one, n i lacked that new chevrolay callt the vega, witch twuz a'winnin awards fer its injun bein made frum alumnum, but thay wonted $2,700 fert, n that wuz how i larnt whut sticker shock mint. n yer used cars that wuz inny good warnt much cheeper, n fack is, thay wudnt nuthin ye cud git in the way of a car fer the money i had.

but my luck turnt fer the better one nite after wurk whenever we wuz havin our coffee n whut thay callt the 'bitch sesshun' bout the manjer. thay wuz this guy we wurkt with name of gunner, on a counta he wuz in the veetnam war, n ye might cudda thought gunner wudnt a had nuthin to do with me on a counta he ast me one evenin did i wont to go git hi n i declined with all respeck n he ast had i ever been hi n i sed id dun been up to clingmuns dome n i dint think ye cud git inny futher up than that. he lafft n sed i wuz such a hick, n i thanked him, n he sed did i unnerstan whut he mint by a'gittin hi, n i cunfesst mayhap i dint, n he sed twuz dun by smokin sum pot. n i sed i druther not on a counta i dun had a nuff of pots n grills n pans n all. cum to fine out later he wuz talkin bout smokin marywanna? n whenever i turnt him down, he claimt he respecktid my cleen haid. n i thanked him n tole him i washt ever day. n he lafft n seem lack he lookt down on me n ackshully did respeck me bof at the same time.

so this one nite i got offn the toppick of the manjer n menshunned how i wuz trine to fine a car but dint have a nuff fer one that ye cud depend on fer $350 or less. n gunner sed wood i consider a motorsickle n i sed i aint never considerd it but i new how to ride a bysickle n how hard cud it be? n gunner sed he new whar ye cud by one fer $250, n i sed whar, n he sed a guy he new n he give me his phone number n i callt him, witch his name wuz jeez on a counta he had this long har n folk claimt he lookt lack jesus, n i got miz deeanjullo to go with me n i bought that thar motorsickle, witch that turnt out to be a fatefull thang to do.

oncet i had that motosickle, thangs started a'changin. the deeanjullos dint lack it much n seemt lack twernt the money but jes that i never had no time fer em. n that made me fill bad, but what kin ye do?

2nd of 7 dedly sins, take 2: sloth (git up!)

i wuz a'gone finish thisn here, but i overslep.

life of buddy don, chaptur 12:
dress lack the boss

miz deeanjullo wonted to shop at the toe panga plaza so she sed she'd carry me over to the valley fer the interview. ackshully we had no idee whuther thay wuz a gone be a interview, but turnt out thar wuz. i walkt in the front door n ye might cudda thought i wuz a customer even tho i dint have no money n wuz livin on waved rent. but thay wuz jes as plite as cud be, offerin me a seat n asting wood i be a'wantin coffee. i tole em i wuz thar to apply fer a job. i had dresst up fer it by puttin on my only white shirt, witch twuz a handmedown from mr deeanjullo who had lots of cloze he dint need n he shard em purty librul with me. i had put on a par of his pants, witch thay wuz whut mis deeanjullo callt his good dress pants but he tole her dint matter nun on a counta he never wore em n he dint figger he ever wood agin. thang wuz, i wuz dresst bout as up as ye kin git. i even had on my good clodhoppers, witch i put polish on em n made em shine lack my daddy tawt me to do fer his inspeckshun.

soons thay herd i wuz lookin fer a job, thay tuck me frum the nice seat thayd give me n made me go back into whut thay callt the green room, even tho twuz brown as cud be, n thay set me down with a ball point n a applicayshun. i begun fillin in the ansers to all the queschuns, lack whar i lived n whut my sochul securty wuz n thangs lack that. thay wuznt no place ont to indicate whut job ye wuz a trine fer, witch that seemt a little odd, but cum to fine out thay wuz a gone use everbidy however they cud n dint matter whut job ye got jes longs ye got one.

whenever i finisht anserin the applicayshun quiz, thay tuck it to the manajer n he red t'over. he wuz the furst mexicun i ever met cawz in them days thar wernt minny of em in the 'see me valley,' not lack thay wuz a'gone be later on, n he tole me his name wuz ricardo screema but that everbidy callt him dick. cepn fer havin a grate tan lack everbidy in suthern californya wuz a trine to git, he wuz jes lack you n me, cepn he wuz a manjer in a restrunt, witch that mint he wuz probly a lil dictator, n he wuz.

he ast me sevrul queschuns bout wuz i in skool n why not n how it cum to be i larnt more in tennessee than in californya, witch i dint no the anser to that n jes that my daddy made me tend summer skool on a counta i wuz a bit on the wild side n he cudnt be home all time to make shure i dun rite. seem lack the main thang that cawt his tenshun wuz how i kep sayin yessir n nosir. seem lack fer a mint or so he thought i wuz a'funnin him or sumthin, but i figgert i am whut i am, n i wuz razed to say yessir n nosir n yes'm n no'm n i figgert thay wuz plenty jobs cawz thay wuz plenty places to eat n plenty garbage to cleen up after. after a bit, tho, seem lack he got to lackin the yessir nosir bizness jes fine.

then he ast me to stand up sos he cud look at my cloze, n i wuz glad id dresst up. he dint see it thataway, tho. sed i wuz a'gone ruin my cloze, all but the shirt, ifn i wore em. sed to look at his cloze n sed i shud by me sum jes lack em. i tuck a careful look n tride to figger whut wuz so speshul bout his cloze. he had on a white shirt, the kine golfers lacks to wear. n his shoes lookt lack thay wuz made of plastick or rubber or sumthin i aint never seen befor n his pants wuz whut he callt permapresst rayon. tole me to git sum jes lack his. i tole him i dint have no money, n he sed that wuz why i wuz thar, to urn sum.

'Can you start today?' he ast, n i felt my hart flip. i reckont i dun got the job whenever he sed that, n i tole him i had to tell my ride n figger out how i wuz a gittin home, but othern that, i cud start that mint. he give me a apron n sed dont put t'on till id dun finisht tellin my ride.

miz deeanjullo wuz happy bout me a'gittin the job, but she dint lack it that i wud need a ride home. i tole her i cud hitch, n that made her mad, n she sed she'd be thar whenever i got off, witch i dint no when, so i tole her the boss cud give me a ride home, n she sed she wonted to here it frum him, n i sed cud she be thar bout 7 pm since seem lack thay wuz no way thayd wurk us that long, but thay wuz, only not the furst day.

i went back n put on the apron n ast him whut i wuz spozed to do, n he acted lack i should dun alreddy no, n i sed i dint n he sed i wuz burnin buns lack everbidy who starts. i ast him whar, n he shouted 'The kitchen! What are you, retarded?'

that kindly shockt me on a counta we were never a loud to say ugly thangs lack that, but i figgert twuz californya n thay have thar ways. i went lookin fer the kitchin a followin my nose, n direckly i foun it, n thay wuz a guy thar name of pete a'waiting fer me.

'you the new bun burner?' he ast, witch i sed i wuz, n he lafft n sed he needed sum buns burnt, n i ast him whar wuz the fire, sir? that stoppt him ded in his trax. he ast me did i call him sir n i sed yessir, i had, n he callt out to everbidy n sed i'd dun it n that now on everbidy had to ifn thay wonted thar food on time. next thang ye no, everbidy is a'saying sir ever time thay sed innythang, witch that aint how yer spozed to use the term.

i wonted to splain the proper use of the wurd, but thang wuz, twuz much harder to burn buns than ye might thank. fer one thang, ye wernt ackshully spozed to burn nuthin. whut ye had to do wuz take ye six sets of buns, witch thees wuz three piece buns, n put em on a hot metal table, witch that wuz callt a grill, n then while them buns wuz 'burnin,' ye had to put two all beef patties on the dirty grill fer ever bun ye wuz a burnin, n ye had to time it jes right so the buns n meat wuz dun bout the same time, n then ye had to set em out jes so n pete wood take em n make em into big boys hamburgs. i later larnt to do that my ownself, witch all ye had do wuz put sum speshul sauce on all but the top bun, piece of this stuff thay callt cheese tho twoodnt a dun fer my mama, sum lettus n the ackshul all beef patties n put em all together n twuz dun.

i thank the thang that sprized me mos bout the job wuz how hard twuz to larn the simpl ack of burnin buns, n whenever ye got thatn, ye wuz a larnin sumthin else, lack how to cleen the grease frum the deep fat friar or how to mop or how to fix stakes or see food.

ye also had to watch out fer jokes thay wuz playin on the bun burner, witch i wuz that fer whut seemt lack ferever but wuz akshully only a cuple weeks. but while i wuz it, thay cum one day in a huff n puff n say thay wuz out of peenut butter n cud i git sum frum the cooler, n i wonted to ast em why wuz thay a'puttin it in a cooler, but that made em mad so i went a'lookin n twuz purty plain thay wuznt no peenut butter in no cooler. i figgert twuz a joke thay wuz playin on me, but i had to wait fer em to cum see whuther i'd gut lost n then laff at me whenever thay opent up the cooler doors n found me with no peenut butter. n thay all lafft n i sed i dint thank thar wuz no peenut butter, n thay lafft agin.

lack i sed in a nuther chapter, we wuz gettin good pay on a counta we had this union we joint whenever we got the job. thayd take a bit of each check but thay bought ye thangs lack exter pay whenever ye wurked moren 8 hours in a day, witch i wonted sum of that since id be tempted to call home n brag that i wuz gittin $3.42 fer a hour of OT, witch thats short fer overtime. n thay also got us a 15 mint brake ever mornin n evenin n 30 mints fer lunch. so whenever the next brake came roun fer me, i begun a'studyun up on thar menu, n that made em a lil mad since thay cudnt fool me into lookin fer food thay dint serve.

pete ast me oncet to go git a lobstir n i refust to fall fer it even when he threatend to go git dick. i tole him he cud do his wurst but i had buns to burn, sir. n that got him a'goin on the sir bizness, a hollerin out, 'Yessiree Bob!' n i wonderd bout that since bob wuznt a live person jes a plastick doll in front of the restrunt but i reckont twuz his kinda sport.

purt soon pete moved from bildin burgs to deep fry n i movet over to bildin burgs n thay got em a new guy, name of larry, to handle the bun burnin. larry dint last three days n thay got a guy name of al n he quit after one day n purt soon twuz a parent that thay wuz plenty of folk who woodnt wurk even if thay wuz bein paid good.

corse sum wuz mad bout the way dick screema wood treet em. he wuz a angry man n ye wuz in truble ifn ye lef a puddle of water innywhar or ifn ye gut too dirty or went out to the dinin room, whar we wuznt a loud to go.

but dick wuz eezy next to my daddy n seemt lack a lot of thangs he dun that made everbidy so mad dint bother me much long as he wuz still payin reglar n all, so he gut to lackin me ok n purt soon he figgert out i wuz up early in the mornin n he ast did i wont to larn brekfus n i sed i wonted to larn innythang he wuz a teechin bout the food bizness, sir. he lacked that but he ast me why i dint do right bout my cloze. i ast him whut did he mean, n he sed to look at me. i cudnt get much perspecktiv, but i cud see my boots wuz dun ruint n my pants seemt lack thay wud jes soak up the grease. so i tole mis deeanjullo n she greed i needed sum cloze n i dont thank she lackt me usin up mr deeanjullos even tho he wuz happy to git rid of it. so i bought sum pants lookt jes lack hisn n sum them plastick lookin shoes n all till i wuz dresst jes lack him.

n next thang ye no, i wuz skeduled to wurk from 6 am till 6 pm. n thats whar i larnt bout how to cook aigs n bacon n sausage n hash brownt taters n even omlits n pancakes. not only that, but oft times thayd let me wurk later ifn thay wuz a rush, witch thay almos always wuz. purty soon i had me near $100 cash money, witch that wuz way mornin id ever had befor, witch it tuck me my hole life to save up the bus fare to californya, so ye kin magine how pleased i wuz with myself to be so rich.

corse that also mint i dint have much time fer other thangs such as seein innybidy after wurk cept maybe virgil till he lef n then thay wuz nobidy i wonted to see cept mayhap i wuz curius bout darlene sum way but i kep it to myself. whut wuz worse wuz thay wuznt no time to study the bibl, n that made miz deeanjullo bleev she wuz bein cheeted.

so i tole dick bout it, n he wuz sprized that folk still studied thangs lack the bibl n he sed i cud wurk nites ifn i wonted to, n i splaint bout winsday evenins, witch that wuz when the histry class met, ne he sed i cud have winsday off ifn i dint mind a'wurkin weekends n i fell fer it. turnt out twuz much harder wurkin nites on a counta ye had to cloze, witch that mint a'cleanin up everthang after thay dun clozed. n miz deeanjullo wuz still cheeted since thay wudnt no way i cud git up in time to study bibl befor mr deeanjullo wuz up, but we'd go 'shoppin' ever oncet in a while n sted of shoppin we'd study.

as ye kin see, everthang wuz a pilin up on me, n thay wuz no way to do tall. but twuz wurth it.

i larnt minny thangs a'wurkin at bobs, but the best'n wuz, ifn ye wonta git ahead, dress lack yer boss.

life of buddy don, chaptur 11:
wurk

dont know ifn ye recollect much bout 1970, witch thats when this wuz all a'goin on, so heres sum reminders.

nixon wuz in the why tows n nobidy new how he wood turn out n seem lack he wuz up on thangs. he wuz pushin fer the vote fer folks that wuz 18 on a counta them havin to git draftid n go to veet nam to die. n he had a secret plan fer solvin the war n brangin our boys home. nashnull gard shot four studints daid at kent state on a counta thay dint bleev in the war n wuz marchin agin it n them boys in the gard musta dun panicked. i dont ritely member ifn that wuz part of the secret plan, but i reckon not.

everbidy wuz reedin this book callt love story, tho folks that wuz too lazy to reed it cud see it at the movies. n folks wuz even a'talkin bout the hills on a counta that book callt deliverunts. thay cum out with that movie callt mash, witch im gone tell bout that one direckly. thay wuz a tunin up fer the sexyul revalooshun by showin peepl how tis dun with books lack everthang ye always wonted to no bout sex but wuz afraid to ast n sensuous woman n sexyull inadequasies by masters johnson.

corse everbidy members the good news bout them vols a beatin air force in the sugar bowl, 34-13. n thay finely put the nfl n afl together into one, witch made cents on a counta thay wuz alreddy havin superbowls. oh n that wuz before thay ruint baseball a'letting folks bat that woodnt play the field.

n thay wood be bad news lack how the beatles broke up n how jimi hendrix n janis joplin died. n the nashnull debt wuz all the way up to $380 billyun, witch that wuz sum reel money in them days when ye consider that a gallon of gas wuz 36 cent, a furst class stamp wuz 6 cent n a duzen aigs set ye back 62 cent. corse now that aint much of a debt compart to whut raygun or bush cud pull. we got yarly defasits thats biggern that. but even so, folks wuz wurred bout it. n thay wuz inflayshun a'trine to git goin, witch it wood.

such wuz the worl i went out into whenever i got that job at bobs big boy restrunt. i lookt in the 'see me valley,' but twuznt all bilt up yet n thay dint have much wurk fer youngns.

fack wuz, i cum by the job almos by a acts dint. ye member how i had to take this murkin histry class at nite, n thats whar i met mr dimund, witch he bleevd lots of thangs my daddy bleevd n after the furst class he n i fell into conversayshun bout thangs in genrl. hed spotted me durin class whenever he ast bout whar histry cum frum n i splaint whut my daddy dun alredy figgert out, witch histry is the story the winners rites down to justify whut thay dun n to proov that the rite side always wins. that put im back a bit, so he ast me whut i thought about truth. dint that have a part to play in histry? i tole him i reckont it might accordin to whuther thay wuz innybidy that new the truth n cud state it n cud proov it, n far as i new, thay wernt no such folk. so histrys about the best we kin do.

seem lack he greed with my daddy, n after class he ast did i want to git a drank n discuss it futher, witch i wuz thursty n sed i wood. he had a beer n i had a rc cola n we talkt bout thangs. he sed he wuz cundimmed to sadness n frustrayshun on a counta whut all he had dun larnt. he splaint a number of thangs durin that one talk, lack how democracy wuz a lot lack mob rule n ifn ye thought much bout thangs ye wuz destined to shar his frustrayshun.

n why? on a counta ye might not kin fool all the peepl all the time, but ye kin doot long nuff to git the leckshun. n he sed twuz sad when our cuntry had a debt of near $2 thousund dollars a person fer everbidy in the hole cuntry, n twuz a'rizin ever year. n he raled on bout the winner take all votin sistem we had n howt made lil victries into big mandates n how that same sistem loud one side to shout down tother points of view n how them inglish n thar parlormintory sistem wuz better at doin the will of all the peepl. twent on n on, n i new jes whut to say on a counta my daddy bleevin much the same sorta thang septin that bit bout thar cud be innythang rong with how our gummints dun set up.

so after we'd uset up all the politickal talk, he ast me whut i wuz a'gone do. i cudnt be shure whut he wuz aimin at, whuther twuz whut i wuz a'gone do that evnin or whuther twuz whut i plannd fer the next day or whuther twuz whut i plannd doin fer the rest of my life. i figgert id tell him the part that had me mos wurried, witch that wuz how to git a job, n he tole me bout the murkin sistem frum a nuther perspecktiv. sed sumthin bout unregulatid captullism wuz mint to divide the rich uns frum the poor uns, n that everbidy wuz a master or a slave, n that ifn yer startin out in life n dint have a silver spoon in yer mouth whenever ye wuz born, then yer a slave n ye kin always fine wurk whar thay hire slaves. i always wisht i unnerstood how folks cud git the silver spoon befor thay wuz born, but i never figgerd tout.

i tole him i dun thought slavry wuz over, n he lafft n sed thats how thay kin keep it a'wurkin. 'Slavery or slave wages: it's all the same.' so i ast him whar i cud go to hire on fer slave wages, witch that seemt differnt than ackshul slavry. n he sed thay wuz always wurk on a counta two thangs. one wuz food, whuther harvestin or preparin or cookin or sellin it. n tuther wuz garbage, whuther twuz cleenin tup or takin tout or brakint down or rakin up the leeves or cleenin up the toilet or whutever it might be. food n garbage, he sed, thats whar everthang begins far as slavry wuz concernt. seem lack sum folk dint ever wont to have to russle up thar own meal or cleen up afterds either one, n thats when thay larnt bout makin other folk do the wurk thay dint lack.

i wuz feelin a bit thick, mayhap on a counta it bein a long n ventfull day, so i ast him whut perzackly i oughta do.

'Simple. Apply at any restaurant if you like to eat and smell like grease. Apply to any clean up crew if you want to use your back and smell like garbage.'

inny place? i wunderd.

'MacDonalds. Bobs Big Boy. Sanitation department. Local farm. You go to any one of them and tell them you need a job. Dress well. Be polite. Don't ask too many questions.'

the deeanjullos tole me i cud rent thar car to go back n forth to wurk fer a dishnull $10 a week n i had to buy my own gas. thay had em a nuther car case thay needed it, n i promist i'd by me a car of my own soons i cud cumulate the scratch.

n so twuz that i tride at the next bobs big boy restrunt, witch that wuz overn the valley. n thar i met dick screema, who wuz the manger of that bobs. twuz jes lack mr dimund sed only thay wuz payun bettern he'd allowed, a hourly sum of $2.28 on a counta thay had this union to make shure the wurkers gut good pay.

n i cum home after a gittin that job n felt proud of myself. whut i dint no wuz i wuz a'crossin a threshholt into a worl that wud never give me the same kind freedum agin.

lucky fer me i lack to wurk.

life of buddy don, chaptur 10:
tellin thangs

tellin thangs lack im doin sqeezes em all in tugether n sum parts thats portant kindly slips out, witch thats whut dun happent with myra jane on a counta she tended the skool we did n she becum my enemy after whut happent. fer the longest i never tole nobidy but then virgil wurmed t'out of me, n after that seem lack he wuz kindly innerested in her but since we wuz enemies thay wuznt much he cud do. then i quit skool n thangs happent that i never specktid.

ye kin probly magine twud stir up sum commoshun n it did. twernt that everbidy wuz agin it, but thay dint care fer how twuz sprung on em. mr deeanjullo ackshly lacked it oncet hed splaint how inconsiderrut twuz not to warn him. sed twuz bout time i quit wastin everday jes a playin musik. n miz deeanjullo made me splain id still be gittin my hi skool since i only had the one class left n she made me promiss we cud still study the bibl.

i splaint to virgil whut i wuz a'doin n that twuz bout time i steppt aside n give him his chants with darlene, n he thanked me but ye cud tell sumthin wernt right. then he sed sumthin, n i kindly new he wuz jellus of me wurkin n all, tho he never admittid it.

then thay wuz darlene herself who dint larn whut id dun frum me, witch that wuz a big miss take fer me to make. she got a ride home with her mama, witch that wuz strange, so i walked over to her house sos i cud splain it but by time i got thar she wuz all sulled up n woodnt hardly say nuthin n i cudnt thank of innythang that sayin wood make better, so i sed id be gittin n she dint say nuthin.

so i lef n we dint kiss good bye ner even hug. n i add mitt it hurt whenever i wuz a'walkin away n cud here her crine n felt as if i dun hit her.

turnt out id be too busy to study on how she wuz afeelin n twud be a while before id larn, but i neednt have wurried. thang wuz, i misst our kissin n all but i dint thank twuz rite whut we wuz a'doin. twuz excitin fer certin, but woodnt love be moren that? darlene n me, we'd git into argumints over it, with her asyin that whut we wuz a feelin twuz percisely whut love felt lack. twuz a sinsayshun, she callt it, n twuz reel. she'd claimt she'd never felt it before she met me.

'the first time i heard you speak,' she wood say, a cumin closer, 'i got this strange feelin in my stomach,' n she wood put her lips close to my ear n wisper, 'and I felt it down there, too.' witch, whenever we wuz still yung, she always callt it 'down thar' n always sed it n a bare wisper.

n seemt cruel to state my side of the argumint, witch i reckont love wuz sumthin more, sumthin lack musik or magik or sumthin, but i cudnt splain it moren that. n we'd go back n furth, a'fussin n fitin over the same groun till we wuz too riled up to kiss innymore. n thang wuz, twernt a argumint ye cud settle nor larn frum neithur.

fer a long while i dint see her no more. i sed twuz on a counta i got a job overn the valley at a bobs big boy restrunt, witch i'll splain direckly, but fack wuz twuz jes on a counta becawz.

now ye might thank virgil wood make his hay while the sun wuz a shinin whar darlene wuz concernt. but yed be rong. virgil n me, wed take a ride ever now and then n hed tell me how darlene wuz all upset, but seemt lack he wuz a trine to convints me to call her up or sumthin.

then one day he ups n tells me hes agoin to san fran cisco with a girl in our class n when i ast who, he said myra. at furst i dint catch his meenin, n then i ast him did he mean myra jane tanner? n he sed he did. n i ast did he love her n he cused me of bein 'hung up' n bein too strate laced bout sex n that he loved everbidy n he even loved me. i wuz kindly taken back n he cud see it, n he give me the peace sine n sed, 'peace, bro.'

then he started in to splainin whut he wuz doin only n he cudnt splain it hardly jes that he new twuz whut he had to do. i ast him did myra jane tell him whut he wuz a'havin to do n i reckon she dun jes that on a counta how virgil swole up lack a angry cat n woodnt say nuthin fer a mint or so n ye no whut thay say: a hit dog hollers.

but he cudnt hold his greevants while bein happy as a all git out on acounta he wuz a'goin to san fran with myra jane n be a hippy, witch that mint hed grow his hair long n have free sex n have truble gittin a job fer a while n do a passle of drugs n lissen to sike a delic musik n rock n roll.

i ast him bout darlene n wernt he in love with her, but he tride to change the topic n whenever i circled back roun toot he wudnt anser n i guess that wuz my anser.

n then seem lack no time he wuz gone n fer a long while, i wuz kindly jellus of him. manys the time i thought i maybe shudda dun the same thang.

sted of that, i got a job at bobs big boy restrunt in the san fernando valley, puttin in ten or twelv hours a day burnin buns.

but tellin of that wont squeeze into this chaptur.

life of buddy don, chaptur 9:
a bird that kin sang n wont sang shud be made to sang

thays big momints in yer life when ye do sumthin that changes everthang n years n years afterds ye git to recollectin how thangs dun went n thats when ye kin kindly spot sum of em. whut i dun the day i gut so wurkt up over whut mr iml sed, i made one of them momints.

n that puts me in mine of anuther them momints.

whenever i wuz in fifth grade n had miz schubert, thay wuz this woman cum from knoxvul to teech us bout musikul theeater. twuz decided we wood act out hms pinnafor by gilbert sulivan, whoever he wuz. cum to thank of it, thay had them musikal notayshun fer thatn but thay never made us pay it no mine so longs we sung the wurds. thay made everbidy awdishun n i won out sum kinda way n twuz decided i wood sang the parts of both the capn n rafe. n elaine jeffords wuz sangin the part of lil buttercup.

my mama n ant sary cum to see n thay wuz rite prowd. n thay kep it secret from daddy fer me. n miz schubert, she wuz proudist of all seem lack n i reckon now it had sumthin to do with that woman frum knoxvul agittin all the tenshun n corse the way she bragged on me made tother kids jellus.

twuz a awful hard time. everbidy laffed at me n cused me of wontin a mar up with elaine n ye cud see thay wuz a pickin on her too. n one day my bruther eli wuz a laffin at me n splainin that he'd dun herd her a tellin everbidy how she woodnt be seen daid roun a peebody lack me n that hurt sum even tho i wernt ever the leest bit sweet on her.

then thay cum up with the idee bout doin a nuthern of them musikul theeaters, dont member witchn, n thay wuz after me to sang the main parts.

n that promptid me to make one of them momints that change everthang: i quit the music program, witch miz schubert dun promist we dint have to even be int in the furst place. but it made her sore n seemt lack she wonted to change up the rules. n then mayhap she figgerd she cud call my bluf but it dint wurk.

sted of that, i gut to spend the chors hour back in the classroom with tammy lynn harper n nigel wilson n patty hanley, all em kids who cudnt carry a toon, n we did crafts.

but miz schubert woodnt turn aloose of whut i dun, n she'd say, 'a bird that kin sang n wont sang shud be made to sang.' she musta tole me that five hunnert times or more but i woodnt listen. n the kids that cudnt sang lookt at me lackt thay wisht thay cud trade with me. n i wisht i cudda undun thangs sum way, but i had my pride n twoodnt let innbidy tell me nuthin, n if thay wuz tellin me sumthin good id do rong jes to spite em.

n years later i wisht i had listent to mis schubert. fack is, i tuck to riting songs n a sangin mosly fer myself n never dun nuthin with em on acounta always a havin too much other reesponsubilty, witch i carred out while acarryin that other lil hope n twuz a hevy burden.

i seen miz schubert years afterds. she wuz in a nursin home whar they had my uncle pappy n i wuz thar avisitin him. n thar wuz mis schubert a'sittin in a wheel chair with her laigs swole up to three times thar norml size. n she cudnt talk n seem lack she cud barly tell who i wuz n it seem lack my hart wonted to brake to see her thataway. i tride to make her understand who i wuz n how i memberd her frum better daze but nuthin i sed made inny impresshun till i memberd whut id dun.

'miz schubert,' i sed then, 'im the boy ye dun tole that a bird that kin sang n wont sang shud be made to sang.'

n seem lack she focusst her eyes on me all a sudden n she smiled n nodded her haid. back whenever i quit the chors she probly new twuz one of them momints fer me n she tride to hep me cum out on the rite side of it but i woodnt allow it. n that thought made my hart ake so that i had to turn away.

cawz i new she wuz rite all long.

n i kindly wunder whut she wooda sed when i decided to quit day skool n git a job. twuz one of them momints. it give virgil a chants with darlene. n it give myra jane the only chants she'd need. n it mint i had to see ifn i cudnt git a job, witch sad thang wuz, i cud.

but sumbidy shudda made me sang in sted.

tis a hallday

im a'takin a day off counta the cuntrys birthdy: god bless amurka!

n on acounta it bein kamils birthdy too: god bless kamil! <g>

life of buddy don, chaptur 8:
a man that desurvs his own chaptur

thays a man that desurvs his own chaptur n thats the die-recktor of the orkester, mr iml, on accounta sumthin he tole us all that kindly made me wonta change how i wuz a doin.

ye kin magine the truble twuz to git us all to play our instrumints in tune n on the beat n all, n one day, when seemt lack cudnt nobidy do right, he stoppt everthang n said, 'OK. Pack em up!' n everbidy new he wuz mad. orkester period wudnt half over n we wuz a'puttin our instrumints away. that mint he wuz a gone leckcher us.

n whut he sed that day wuz short n lack mos grate truths twuz sumthin obveeus oncet yed dun herd it oncet n jes as easy to fergit. sed mr iml, 'Life is a battle between competition and cooperation. Each of you can play, some very well. But if we had you all out on the quad, each trying to play the loudest and the best, each trying to prove his talent to be best, what we'd have is cacaphony. And no one would be considered good at all.'

he lacked to use big wurds lack quad, witch that wuz the yard in the center of the skool, n cuhcaffunny, witch that wuz the kinda noiz thats opposit of musik. 

'An orchestra depends on the cooperation of individuals. To make music together, we have to blend, to fuse our talents and become as one, all bent on serving a single musical piece. If even one person is out of tune, the entire orchestra suffers. If even one person is off the beat, everyone sounds off the beat.'

to grasp the portants of whut he sed nex ye need to no that mr iml wuz jes as much a publican as my daddy n voted fer goldwater n hated lbj n the grate socidey. i wuz more or less a publican in them daze my own self on accounta becawz my daddy wuz one. i inherted the malady n i held on toot till i larnt to thank criticull bout thangs n understand thangs better. n nixon helpt whenever he showd his tru colors. n whenever them publicans begun attackin our own gummint with ronald raygun. n whenever thay wus a'chasin presdint clintun by clamin hed dun thangs he hadnt dun n all. but ill wax that philosofical stuff by and by. meenwhile, member that mr iml wuz a publican only one with ackshul wisdom, witch thats rare in inny case in inny party.

'I know it seems to be a contradiction, but there are moments when playing your best requires removing your ego and playing together. The best thing you can do as a member of this orchestra is to play in tune, on the beat, as well as you can, and yet to let your individual contribution be fused anonymously into the whole. To gain fame for your orchestra, you have to be willing to give up your individual fame and become a piece of something larger, the orchestra that serves the music of the ages.'

then he sed sumthin that gut me a'thankin.

'The point is, if you do what is truly best for you, then you do what is truly best for your group. Not only in this room as a member of this orchestra, but in all parts of life. If you look deep into your heart and soul and honestly assess what is in your own selfish interests, if you pursue your own personal excellence to the limit of your powers, you will also be serving what is best for the teams you play on or the bands you play in or the military units you belong to or the companies that employ you or this great country of ours.'

twuz so quite ye cudda herd a squirrel cough.

'The difficulty is in being honest with yourself, in truly examining what is best. As Socrates said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." If you examine the noise your were just making, not a single one of you would say it was the best you could do. It certainly was not the best you should do. It was a betrayal, of the orchestra of course, but more importantly, a betrayal of yourself. When you do not do your best, you betray yourself and everyone who depends on you.'

his wurds burnt my ears n made my stomach twitch. i almos wisht i'd dun tride harder to figger out that site reedin n muiskl notayshun stuff. i new i needed to egzamin my own life n git a holt of whut i wuz a doin. i new that practicin kissin werent a gittin me nowhar but in truble sure nuff. n twernt good fer nun of the three of us, meenin virgil n darlene n me. fack wuz, i shudda been wurkin n not playin, not even in orkester.

mr iml then ast us to git out the instermints agin n tune em up n this time whenever we begun a playin, twuz a magikal thang, sweet musik that'd make yer hart ake.

twuz the last time i playd in a orkester. whenever we gut out, i went to the administrayshun n ast cud i get that gummint class at nite n take that civicks test n still git my hi skool diploma, n when thay sed thar wuz a class n i cud git into it, i tole em thats jes whut id do.

twuz mr iml i had to thank fer a'wakin me up.

life of buddy don, chaptur 7:
stayns n uther complicayshuns

i wuz always a early riser, as thay say, witch i got that frum my daddy. he wuz always up long befor the sun n ifn ye got up roun then, ye wuz wise to wait till he'd dun tuck his mornin dump, witch after that he cud git friendly but not befor.

so oncet miz deeanjullo gut us a'goin on our bibl studies, twuz right hepful to git up n git my showr n shave (skool wudnt let me in with a beerd) n git dresst n after a while i'd fix the coffee n sumtimes even cook the brekfuss. after brekfuss i'd cleen the table n stick the dishes in this dishwashr thang thay had, witch i cudnt hep but wunder why ye dint jes dry off them dishes n put em away since ye had to cleen em up befor ye stuck em in, but miz deeanjullo wuz determint that usin that thar dishwashr wud diss infeck em. i mosly went along with whutever she allowed n tride to leev the fussin n backtalk to mr deeanjullo.

oncet brekfuss wuz cleend up, we'd start frogjumpin thru her bibl n bibl trax frum the watchtower n track bunch, witch thats the o-fishul name of them jehovuhs witness folk. at furst we mainly concentrated on how the worl wuz near over n how 1975 wuz the probly the last year, tho twernt inny man nor woman cud no the time nor place n all. but that dint stop miz deeanjullo since she'd dun had a dreem that reveeld thangs, n accordin to her, 'wuz mr deeanjullo in fer a surprise!' that got me to wunderin if she'd be happy in heavn without him, n i vocalizd the thought n that made her mad since i'd missed whar she wudnt shootin fer heavin but fer the new earth that the meek wud inhert. i dint ast her how she cum to thank she wuz meek, witch she wudnt, but she wuz kind in her own way n ifn thay wuz a gone redo the earth, she'd be welcum toot.

meenwhile thangs at skool fount thar pattern, witch wuz that virgil wonted to git darlene n darlene wonted to git me n i jes wonted to figger out whuther i wuz spozed to wait fer persilla n ifn i wuz, how wuz i spozed to fine her? ye kin see thay wuz complicayshuns. but it got sos ye'd see virgil n speck to see me n probly darlene. or ifn ye were lookin fer innny one of the three of us, ye'd ast witchevern ye run into. n thay wuz gud reeson. we wuz all in band n orkester, n whenever basketball seeson cummenced, we wuz in the pep band n rode the bus together to them games. n ifn we wernt together fer band thangs there wuz lunch, n ifn twernt lunch twuz a new habit we got into of a'walkin home or gittin a ride with whoever cum to pick us up, witch even thar folks n the deeanjullos got used to us bein three pees in a pod.

but thangs wuz kindly tragickal. see, virgil pickt up on the fack that darlene wudnt warmin to him much n purt soon he cud see it wuz me she wonted n i guess he thought twuz the noble thang to let me have her. thang wuz, i dint rilly wont her but i dint no how to splain it cawz thay wuz confusin facks to deal with: 1 - darlene wuz smart. 2 - seemt lack she new how to fine thangs fer us to talk bout that lef virgil out. 3 - she wuz purty. 4 - she had thees long laigs n thay wuz mos of em on display mos the time, witch that wuz a confusin distrackshun. 5 - even tho she playd trumpet in band n orkester, she cud play gittar, n her daddy had a ole mandlin, n ye kin figger how that lef no room fer a clairnet player who cudnt play by his ear. 6 - she wonted virgil fer a frien so she cud git him to hep her stratgize bout gittin me.

she even tole virgil she wonted to larn kissin n wud he ast me ifn id teech it to her. thang wuz, i wonted to larn it in the wurst way my ownself, even ifn it did seem rong, but how cud i hole myself up as a teechur when i aint never dun it? n wudnt i betray my frien if i tride it?

but virgil wuz in luv n he dint see thangs thataway. he wonted to arrange thangs so's darlene n i cud teech each other kissin. he jes wonted to hear the deetales after. all that wudn't a signifide much cept virgil got his drivers licens n a ole car his daddy dun give up on n one thang bout virgil wuz ifn sumthin wuz broke he cud fix it, n that mint we cud go wharever we wonted to. right away, virgil showd me how to drive n next thang ye no, mr deeanjullo tole miz deeanjullo twuz time i got my own drivers license, n he cud teech me to drive.

twuz lucky i'd dun been taught since he wudnt much of a teechur. he had em one a them volkswagon beetles n ye had to shif n seem lack it tuck ten or twelve attemps befor i sussed the skeme of that clutch, witch wuz to let it out slow in unnerstan that twernt a switch but a thang that cawt gradjull lack. i got the hang of it n miz deeanjullo got mr deeanjullo calmt down nuff to speek to me agin, n then it got right handy fer em to send me to the drugstor n the grocry n the cleeners  n so furth to pick up thangs thay wuz a needin. n then thay wuz a sayin i cud take it out on a date, ifn i had me a prospeck.

thang wuz, the furst date we went on, the three of us went to see this new movie called butch cassidy n the sundance kid, n afterds ye cud see that darlene wuz spookt n seemed lack she dint wont to hang aroun us fer a while. but she wuz still shy bout approachin me n that sent her to virgil n virgil cum to me n then thangs wuz ok agin. virgil seemt lack he cudnt hardly wait fer the kissin lessuns to git a'goin, n seemt lack the more i lookt at darlene, the easier she got on the eye. n then i tuck note of the way she wuz a warin pink a lot n dressin lack persilla, n i new virgil dun tole her sumthin i ast him to keep a'secret n whenever he dun that, i figgerd i dint owe him much in return, n thats how i cum to have a date with darlene.

we went to a place calld moorpark n had dinner n then she wondered cud we go to the beech, witch seemt a bit strange to go thar at night, but i lacked drivin n we wuz a'listnin to krla n befor ye new it, we wuz at the beech. we dint have no towl to sit on, so we walkt out on the pier, witch ifn ye aint seen one, yer in fer a treet. thays big n long n jut right out into the ocean. we walkt to the end n we wuz a holdin hands n whenever we gut to the end, i felt her arm snake roun my waste n seemt a natchral thang to turn her my diereckshun n then befor we'd made a lessun plan we wuz a larnin kissin. n we larnt a bit bout touchin too, witch that led to frustrayshun n made me feel lack i'd dun been kickt tween my laigs.

but i wuz taught to be a genlmun, n i tuck her home, n even when he begged me i wudnt tell virgil whatever base i dun got to since it dint seem lack a game we wuz a playin but sparkin pur n simple.

meenwhile, i went home n the pain wuz so grate that whenever i went sleep i had this dreem n me n darlene toucht all em bases n then sum n i wuz dreemin thangs that ye had to be marred to consider a'doin, but ye cant control yer dreems n when i woke i felt better but thay wuz sumthin sticky on my laigs. i wiped it off on the sheet.

n that started a pattern whar darlene wud wont to go practice kissin n virg wud baig to hear bout it n i'd tell him jes enuff to shut him up n he'd talk bout masterbaitin, witch he never splaint that one n seem lack i wuz too shy to ast, tho i'd fine out soon nuff.

one mornin i'd jes fixt brekfuss when here cum miz deeanjullo , n twuz clar sumthin was on her mine lack a plague. she wudnt hardly menshun it at furst, but she wonted us to study up on this fella name of onan, witch he wuz the one that wudnt get his daid bruthers wife pregnunt n spilt his seed on the groun, witch seem to me to be in keepin with not doin it with sumbidy ye aint marred to n seemt lack twernt wurthy of death penalty.

whenever i splained whut i thought it mint, she dint lack the splainashun tall. she gut reel serius n sed, 'Buddy, the message of the story of Onan is that it is an abomination against the Lord to waste your seed in . . . by doing . . . that is, it is a sin to masturbate. Do you understand?' i dint no ifn i unnerstood or not. i tole her i wuznt shure bout this masturbayshun stuff n that nobidy'd ever shone me how twuz done nor whut twuz neether.

at that she stood up n got all red in the face n wuz reddy to a cuse me of line or sumthin, but she helt it in n sed to cum with her, n i did, n she went out to the lawndry room whar the washer n drier lived n she pullt out my sheets n showed me thay wuz brown stayns on em.

'How do you explain this?' she said. i cudnt splain it n that tickt her off more n made her voice git louder n purty soon here cum mr deeanjullo a astin whut wuz all the fuzz bout. i wuz glad he ast that since i wuz a wunderin the same thang. she tole him n seem lack he unnerstood but it dint make him mad n he tole her to mine her own bizness n tole me to cum with him.

i followd him to the livin room n when mis deeanjullo tride to follow her ownself he tole her to git n she did. then he tole me thay wuz thangs thats natcherul n that i wuz a'doin one of em n twuz all right even ifn miz deeanjullo dint thank so n that everthang'd be ok ifn i'd jes us sum toilet papr. i ast him fer whut n he sed fer cleenin up after yerself n i sed how cud that stop them stains n he sed i oughta no the anser to thatn. i polgized n sed i still dint git it n he sed that whenever ye masturbait ye need to wipe tup with toilet papr n put it in the trash.

i sed id do my bes to cleen up after myself, n i tride lack crazy but seem lack id have them sext up dreems mos ever time darlene n i practiced our kissn n i dint no how i wuz spozed to wake up n cleen whenever i wuz a'sleepin.

so i ast virgil bout this masterbaitin stuff n he tride to splain it n i wuz shockt about it n wunderd bout onan n ifn thay wuz the same thang, witch seemt lack thay wuznt since thar wuz no menshun of a'layin with my daid bruthers wife, witch nun of my bruthers had died n lef a wife behine. so i tride it one evenin after darlene had dun provt that she lacked it ifn i touched her in private places, n i started a usin toilet papr.

n both mr n miz deeanjullo wuz right proud of tharselves n virgil wuz satisfide to hear bout whutever id tell him bout kissin darlene n darlene wuz happy cept she wonted us to practice moren kissin.

n wurst of all, durin all thees deestrackshuns, speshly frum darlene, i dun begun fergittin all bout persilla.

life of buddy don, chaptur 6:
this one gurl name of darlene

thangs wuz good fer a while. miz deeanjullo, witch she always insisted i call her anny witch i never dun, miz deeanjullo had plans fer the place, n seem lack everwhar ye look thar wuz sumthin else needed doin. that wuz fine fer me since i dint have no way of payin the $10 a week n i lack wurk ok n she said she wud wave the rent in return fer wurk, n that wuz fine by me. i never saw her wave the rent even tho i kep a steady lookout fer it, but leest she never ast fer it n whenever i menshunned it, she sed she wud wave it, n id watch but shed jes keep on a'doin whutever twuz she might a been a doin n dint ever lift a fanger nor wave neethur.

then after a week or two she cum up with the noshun that i ought to be a'studyin the bibl n i cudnt deny't since we'd always been tole we oughta be a'reedin it reglar even ifn we never dun it much. i figgerd twuz gods way of makin shure i wuz doin right n dint kick up much of a fuss.

but kickin up a fuss wuz a speshulty of mr deeanjullo, witch he always insisted i call him geeno, witch i never dun. miz deeanjullo callt him cantankerus, n i hadnt never herd that wurd befor but it seem lack it sed jes whut he wuz. ye'd sneeze, n he'd holler, 'No sneezing!" n then he'd laff lack twuz the funniest thang innybidy ever sed. or he'd ast ye whuther ye wuz a gone join the service, n dint seem thay wuz a anser to suit him since seem lack he wuz agin the war but in favor of servin yer cuntry, witch thats whut he dun whenever thay wuz havin the ko ree un conflict, n he had tales to tell that made it soun lack fun one time n then he'd cummence to statin 'war is hell,' n then't sounded lack sumthin ye best kep out of.

whenever he herd bout the plan whar i'd be a'studyin that thar bibl, he cantanker'd hisself into a fare thee well, n tole miz deeanjullo all about. whut a fuss n fite that turnt into, with him a'sayin she shudnt fill my hed with non-cents n her a sayin he needed to akcept the truth befor it twuz too late n him sayin twernt the truth, twuz myths, n such lack stuff i hadnt never herd before. finely he put the fork in it n won the fite whenever he ast did she no whuther i'd even finisht hi skool?

i wuz trine to get betwixt em to say i wuz happy to study the bibl n i'd be happy to have mr. deeanjullo -- 'call me geeno, you hick!' he hollered -- n i sed pardon me n continud to say i'd be happy to study up on both haves the bibl, the beleevin n the doubtin haves, but next thang ye no its them agin me, n miz deeanjullo carried me down to 'see me valley' hi skool in her car the very next day, witch twuz a fridy in we had to cum back after the weekin. in sum ways, that wuz the last weekin of my freedum as a wurkin man.

turnt out thay cud fine out whutever i'd dun larnt over to skool in tennessee n thay had these trance scripts that splaint my sitchuwayshun as fer as my skoolin wuz concernt, n seem lack i'd dun cum a good ways on accounta becawz them tennessee skools wharever i went wuz ahed somehow, n seem lack all i needed do wuz take a murkin gummint class n pass the egzaminayshun.  n that wuz fine by me, but seem lack thay cudnt leev it at that but had to have me take whut thay wuz callin a full lode, witch in them daze thay had musik in skools n i tuck for or five classes in that n a inglish class witch thay claimt i needed in the wurst way. seem lack the purpus wus to fill up my day, n that near dun it.

cept thar wuz the problem of the $10 i wuz spozed to pay n miz deeanjullo had dun made it clar as a bell that she wudnt wavin no rent without i wurked fer it, n i promised her weekins n she ast fer bibl study. 'And don't you say a word to Mr. De Angelo about this matter. We shall study early each morning while he sleeps in.' twuz a deel i had to take, n i did.

after that, seemt lack i never had no time to my ownself. but i aint cumplainin nun. turnt out thay wuz this instermint callt the chello that wuz toont up in fifths lack mandlin n seem lack we wuz friens rite away cept thay wuz this papr thay callt musik, lil notes writ on a page, n ye wuz spozed to follow itt. twuz the oddest thang i'd ever seen. back home folks picks up thar instrumints n cummence a playin n ye never see nobidy with musik thats lil notes writ on a page. up till then, i kindly thunk musik wuz a joyful noiz ye made, so to speek, n then cum to fine out tiz notes on a page. n them notes wuz tuff to translate to ackshul musik cept oncet i dun herd my part of whutever song we wuz a'larnin, i wuz reddy. made the orchester die-rektor mad n he tride to git me to do rite but i never dun it. n to this verr day, i caint hardly play frum lil notes writ on a page, witch thay calls that site reedin. whut i dun, thay say thats callt 'playin by ear,' but fack is, i use my fangers, not my ears. i do listen careful, tho.

n that thar bibl wuz loded with stuff thay wudnt let us talk bout whenever i wuz a kid, n we wuz reedin parts frum heer n thar n everwhar in the book sted of strate thru n i larnt at lees this much, witch that is ye kin proov whutever ye need with the bibl. one of the thangs that kindly wurried me wuz how the worl wuz a gone end in 1975, n seem lack thay warnt much point in all the wurk we wuz a doin roun the house n yard with so lil time lef. but thay wuz rent to be waved, so i studied up on that bibl with her n i wurked on saturdies n i dint cumplain.

corse skool opent up a can of wurms cawz i wuz meetin folks n purt soon thay wuz a'givin me names lack 'lil ole white pine boy,' witch they thought twuz funny the way i sed wurds lack white pine. n frum that i made a frien, n that wuz the start of more problems then ye kin count.

his name wuz virgil n he cum from kansus or sum such place. he playd clarnet in orkester n he lackt to talk bout gurls mostly n purt soon he wuz a pointin out thisn n thatn, n thay wuz a passle of em. fack is, thay wuz more peepl in that thar 'see me valley' hi skool than thay wuz in the next town back home. n on a counta the sun a shinin so much, them gurls hardly wore much of innythang, n twuz confusin, speshly this one gurl name of darleen who wuz the hed of the class cawz twernt nobidy smarter. she wrote lef handid, lackt to wear short dresses on her long laigs n she favord the color pink n lackt to wear socks n even paten lether shoes now n then, n ye kin magine the affeck this had on me tho i never sed nuthin bout that to virgil.

problem wuz, twuz plain virgil wuz sweet on her, n tho i kep my distance, twernt nuthin i cud do since she turnt out to be sweet on me.