Wednesday, October 01, 2003

life of buddy don, chaptur 64:
ponderin the belly buttn of the beast

back whenever lori jackson n i touched that weejee bord and felt it cum alive, twuz the start of me searchin to unnerstan why n how n all. it seemed to me that twuz important that thangs lack that could happen, n i wonted to find out whuther twuz true or jes a weerd thang that maybe she dun, tho twuz impossibull to bleev she wood do a thang lack that.

but it gut me to readin n studyin lack crazy. i dun menchuned how i wuz a studyin carlos castaneda n readin bout don juan n fack wuz, i wuz wishin i could run up on a don juan of my own. i gut to whar i wood read mos innythang bout the occult i could git my hands on, thangs lack linda goodmans sun signs n other books. n corse thay wuz them books by or about g i gurdjieff. but i wood read innythang good or bad, n that mint i gut to readin bout numerology, witch that led to readin pythagoras more keerful lack n the kabala n the tree of life n wicca n ritchual magick n yew name it. n i started in to makin sum scientific eggspearmints.

one of the main thangs i gut to doin wuz readin them tarot cards fer folks. i figgered i wood git sum data gathurd up n then see ifn twuz true. so whut i dun wuz make a record of ever readin i ever dun, the idee being that later on i could cum back n check whut them cards had perdickted n see ifn thangs cum true. only problem wuz i never ackshully went back n read the perdickshuns nor figgered nuthin out neethur one.

but doin them tarot readins gut me to investigatin carl jung n his idees bout the collecktiv unconshus n archetypes, n that gut me to readin freud bout dreams n purty soon i gut to whar i could see that the magick wernt all that magickul. thang wuz, usin them symbols n all, i could purty much tell folks whut they really needed to hear without it bein me buttin into thar bizness n whenever i gut to unnerstan that, my reputayshun gut goin n folks sed i had talent.

but whut i wuz a'lookin fer wuz not how i could trick folks into lettin me tell em whut they really needed to hear, but a guru or master or whutever, sumbidy who really knew how to do ritchual magick or inny other kinds. i wuz a'goin to utk by then, n up on the top of mcclung tower i met a fella name of stephen sorrel, witch he wuz a relijun student n we purty soon gut to whar we could see we wuz barkin up the same tree.

turnt out he wuz one of them suspeckted of bein in that coven i talked bout back in chaptur 55, only he wuznt really in it. he knew bout it n had visited it, but he sed thar wuznt nuthin much thar n them gurls wuz jes dabblin with thangs they dint unnerstan, at lease, all of em but the rangleader, witch that turnt out to be the witch name of gail. i ast did he know whuther they had set the fire but he sed he dint thank they had inny real power, so they mite could wont to but couldnt doot. besides, dint we conquer em with luv or sumthin? that wuz the story he gut.

but that wuz jes one of the thangs we discussed. he wuz as innerested in aleister crowley as i wuz, n he even knew whar quote the house unquote wuz, witch that wuz thonliest place in the u s of a whar thay wuz a master. i ast had he been thar n did he see em perform inny ritchual magick, n he sed he hadnt, but he wonted to go fer the sprang equinox n i sed i wood lack to go too n i even offered to drive, witch he sed he needed a ride innyway.

so the time cum n we drove over to nashvull, witch thats whar the house wuz. whenever we gut near it, we stopped n had us sum lunch at a holiday inn he knew bout, n the food wuz good. the hole time we wuz talkin bout many of the thangs we had dun been readin n studyin, n twuz frum him i realized i wuz a'gone half to give reglar relijun more study. i cant say i ever met innybidy more serious bout gittin ansers than him.

once we wuz dun with lunch, we drove round till we found the house n thar we met the three folks a'livin in it, witch the main one wuz a tall skinny aries name of gabriel with no last name. corse twuz a made up name on a counta ye jes know his parnts give him a last name n all, but he jes went by gabriel by then. tutherns were kindly trine to be lack him, n they had tuck the names seth n elijah. i wonted to ast did ye half to git a old testamint name to git in, but i figgered they wood thank i wuznt serious a nuff.

furst thang gabriel dun whenever he seen us cum up the walk wuz to bust outta the door n say twuz time fer a feast. i looked at stephen as if to ast dint he know we had jes dun et, but i dint say nuthin. we went to shoneys n the three of em ordered em up sum meals while stephen n me ate a bite of pie n drunk a few cups of coffee. then whenever it cum time to pay, they wuz gone jes lack that n stephen n me wuz stuck with the bill.

we dint say nuthin tho on a counta ifn these folks could demonstrate ritchual magick, twood be wurth it to buy em food, so thats whut we dun n then drove em back to the house. we talked fer a bit, n ye could see how gabriel wuz a lot lack eli. he wood make the big dramatickull statemint n ack lack he had the eggscloosiv on the truth n all, but twernt nuthin but the usual cliches. stephen ast em wuz they plannin to celebrate the holiday n they gut blank looks on thar faces lack they wuz a'wunderin whut we mint.

then whenever stephen reminded them bout the sprang equinox, they gut to acktin lack twernt nun of our bizness, n that gut stephen to ast em wuz they a'gone show us inny ritchual magick n they gut to sayin we wuznt reddy.

that coulda been. we hadnt accepted nuthin n mos lackly thay wuz rules that covered who gut to see the ritchual magick. so we settled fer talk, lots of it, sum frum gabriel but mos of it frum elijah who wuz proud bout readin ever book by crowley that ye could git n he shore could quote em. thang wuz, he wuz more of a parrot than innythang else, n whenever stephen wood ast him how to ply sum of the stuff he knew to gittin spirtchul enlitenmint or to gittin yer will to be stronger, he gut to stutterin till he membered the rite quotayshun frum crowley.

finely stephen tole em that mayhap they couldnt do no ritchual magick, but his friend, witch that mint me, could read tarot cards bettern innybidy. i wuz a lil sprized to hear him say that, n i jumped in to state that i hadnt brung my cards with me on a counta i dint know they wood be needin readins frum the lacks of me. but i caught a look in stephens eye bout then n figgered he had sumthin a'goin on with it, so i sed i could probly git a read offn other cards, ifn thay wuz sum.

here cum elijah with a set of them book of thoth cards that crowley had made. he ast me had i read that book n i tole him i had only it hadnt hepped me near as much as jungs book bout memries, dreams n refleckshuns, witch they hadnt read thatn n seth sed he dint even know jung bleeved in crowley, witch i wooda sed sumthin ceptn thar wuz a look in stephens eye that tole me to keep quite.

i tuck them cards up n ast em why dint they store em in silk n wood, witch that gut em to apologizin lack crazy n thang wuz, thay aint no rule bout that, but i lacked to doot on a counta it seemed to make folks take it a bit more serious.

i picked out the king of coins fer gabriel n handed the rest of the cards to him. i tole him whut he had to do, witch he needed to shuffle them cards till he gut to whar they wuz feelin jes rite n then to split em into three piles a'usin his lef hand n goin frum his right to his lef. n while he wuz a'doin it, i gut into the reglar pitch bout how twuz a game n not sumthin a bidy oughta take all that serious, but that it mite git a bidy to look at thangs a lil differnt.

n stephen give me a look lack he lacked that kinda chatter, so i tuck to splainin bout numbers, how the number 1 wuz represented by the point n i menchunned geometry n pythagoras n then i splained bout 2 bein fer the line n 3 fer the triangle n 4 the square n 5 the pentangle. i mentchunned a lil bout the tree of life n the furst ten numbers n lanked it up with the tarot. then i mentchunned how 6 wuz the star of david, n fack is, i had dun read a nuff of this stuff that i could spin a story out of it ever bit as well as docter sheffield could do with histry n flossofy.

n the hole time this wuz a'goin on, ye coulda herd yer pin a droppin n all three of em wuz jes a respeckful as could be. gabriel ast me whut he should be a thankin bout n i splained how he should thank on a questchun but that it dint matter much on a counta the cards wuz a'gone talk bout whutever wuz mos importunt to him. i could see he wuz a lil wurried still, so i sed, 'do what thou wilt,' n that gut em to thankin more serious till i thought elijah n seth wuz a'gone git down on thar knees n start prayin. i guess all the chatter made him nervus, but whutever, it tuck gabriel quite a while to git them cards reddy. he finely give out with a big sigh n laid em out.

n thang is, by then i figgered i knew purty much bout these guys. gabriel wuz 26 years old n he had quit collidge on a counta gittin to be a master. n he wuz a aries n a lot lack eli n i figgered i couldnt do no wurse than to tend lack i wuz doin a readin fer eli, witch i had dun a many a one fer him.

i gut to readin them cards, n twernt a fair fite in sum ways. i had him a'squirmin. he wuz speshly touched by the way i borried a piece of paper n wuz makin a record of each card i turnt over. lack ye mite speck, the readin wuz bout illushuns n sham n pretents n all, n ifn twernt that them cards wuz designed by crowley his ownself, i thank gabreil wooda dun swep em frum the floor, but he tuck everthang they had to deal out, witch it ended up that his gratest fear wuz the truth n the final outcum wuz that whut wuz real n whut seemed to be real wood stay confused fer a lil while longer.

after that thay wuznt much of nuthin to say, so we tole em we wood be in touch ifn we gut the chants, but we both knew we wuznt a'cumin back. it give us plenty to talk bout on the drive back to knoxvull, n whenever we gut parked outside his apartmint in a house in ft sanders, we talked a lil longer.

he sed twuz the same as everthang he had ever found, a'lookin good till ye looked real close. he sed twuz the same as with the coven over in oak ridge on a counta he thought twuz sumthin till he gut in toot n then he could see that them witches dint have no idee whut they wuz a doon, ceptn fer the one name of gail.

n i ast him did he speck he wuz a'gone find the truth, n he sed he reckoned maybe not, but that wernt the point. i ast him whut wuz the point, n he sed he dint know fer sartin, but he figgered he wood jes go on bein a wanderin jew, witch i dint even know he wuz a jew till that momint n twuz a sprize on a counta the way he wuz studyin jesus n all. n he sed he figgered twuz the rite thang on a counta he dint know if the truth wuz sumthin ye find by findin. that gut me a'goin so i ast him ifn twernt sumthin ye find by findin, then how could ye find it? n he sed he dint know ifn ye could, but yer best chants wuz to find it by lookin n keepin on a'lookin.

i sat thar fer a mint thankin bout that. i ast wuz he disapointed by that, but he sed it dint matter ifn he wuz disappointed on a counta the search dint care whuther he wuz happy or not. so i ast him wuz he disappointed that quote the house unquote turnt out to be such a fake, n he sed no n on the contrary, he wuz glad on a counta he dint wont the truth to turn out so chaep n grasping n ugly. n that made us both laff.

he had opened the door n gut out, but i called him back fer a second sos i could ast him a questchun. ifn he wuz a wanderin jew, whut wuz i? he laffed n sed i wuznt nuthin but a wanderin hillbilly.

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