Tuesday, October 14, 2003

life of buddy don, chaptur 68:
our naybor the preechur

in chess thays this concept called zugzwang, witch that means whenever its yer turn, ye gut to move, even ifn thay aint no good moves left to be made.  tiz a sad moment in a chess game whenever ye look at all the possibull moves n see that ever one of em puts ye into wurser problems n ye wish ye had the optshun of not movin atall.

thays been many a time in life when i wished ye had the same optshun n thang bout life is that longs ye gut it, yer in the zugzwang situwayshun. ye gut to do sumthin with yer time. folks cumplains that they aint gut a nuff time, but fack is, most folks dont hardly know whut to do with the time they gut. thats why thays a sayin that goes sumthin lack this: ifn ye wont sumthin dun fast, give it to a busy person.

after i had dun figgered that seekin out futher sensayshuns frum the outside worl wuznt lackly to lead to findin truth, speshly ifn i wuznt reddy to handle it, i gut to wonderin hard on the topic of whut yer spozed to do with yer life n lack all folks that thanks much bout that problem, ye cum rite away to the fack that ye gut to die sooner or later, n seems lack gittin reddy fer that oughta be the main thang folks is a'trine to do. n thays plenty that does jes that, yer preachers n such, but thays plenty more that druther not thank bout morbid depressin topics lack the fack yer gonna die sumday.

while i wuz ponderin all this, me n eli gut to readin bout august strindberg n sum of his idees bout how he gut to bleevin that commun everday events in his life wuz symbolical for deeper n more importunt truths. he figgered thay wuz a message frum god in everthang that happened. the way me n eli figgered it, that mint everbidys life wuz always puttin lessuns in frunt of everbidy n ifn ye gut the point of the lessun, ye gut to move on to a new'n, n ifn ye dint, ye wuz more or less sentenced to a life of repetishun.

i could see how this mite be true, tho the mechanism a runnin it wood half to be more cumplex than life itself on a counta how could ye set it up whar everbidys gittin the lessun they need n life is still a'goin on n folks dont bump into each other with thar lessuns n all. it gut me rite back to the predestinayshun of them presbyteryuns on a counta how whoever wuz settin up the lessuns had to know who wood complete which lessun when n all.

i tride puttin these idees together, but twuz a real mystry howt could wurk. ye gut to ack on a counta bein alive. ifn ye wont to find the truth, ye gut to prepare yerself to be able to hold it or unnerstan it n all. n finely, everthang ye eggsperients in life is spozed to hep ye larn whutever tiz yer here to larn.

so whut wuz ye spozed to do? watch life n see kin ye larn whut yer spozed to do? that wood mean ye had the optshun of not takin a move while ye studied fer whut ye should do. n ifn ye werent doin much of nuthin, how wuz ye gittin reddy to unnerstan or know inny truth? n ifn ye gut that zugzwang on ye fer life, witch ye gut it long as yer alive, then ye cant sit back n study but ye gut to ack n larn n prepar yerself all at the same time, n fack is, it dont seem hardly possibull.

i spent lots of my time puzzlin over how could these three concepts fit together, n thang wuz, i gut to whar i wundered ifn i warnt larnin nuthin on a counta it seemed lack i wuz jes thankin the same ole thoughts overn over agin.

so i deecided i wood make a change in my life. i dun mentchuned how i wonted to have su move in with me while her house wuz a'bein built, but i dont thank i told how mj wuz upset by it n dint wonta live on the land with suze.

it dint seem fair to me that folks on the land wood wonta tell me who i could live with, but tuther half of thatn wuz that i wuz gittin sick of trine to fit into the mold suze had fer me. she tole me one time that she had dun turnt away many a prospectiv lover or husbin on a counta this flaw or thatn, n everbidy could tell ye i wuz full of flaws n faults n bad behaveyer. i gut to ponderin on that till i had my case made n wuz shore i could pull it off. at the verr lease, i wood make my points n quite feelin lack i wuz havin to live up to her idee of me. she wood half to take me lack i wuz.

i picked out a day to tell her all that. twuz august 29, 1977, witch i member on a counta sum strange thangs that happened n made me wunder bout life givin lessuns n all. but mainly i member it fer the fack that suze n me figgered we had got together on august 28 of 1976. i even waited a day to tell her sos it woodnt be so hard, tho twuz the wurk of a callus basturd in eethur case.

innywho, the day i plannedon tell her wuz a mundy. she called n sed she wuz plannin on cumin by the farm that evenin, so i figgered we could take a lil walk in the woods n talk thangs out n then go our sepert ways.

when i gut home mundy evenin, i found brew sittin in the livin room with a joint he had jes rolled, so we smoked it. a lil later, i looked out the kitchen window n saw a well-dressed young man wonderin round on the driveway tween the big house n the green house. i hadnt never seen him befor, n twuz a puzzle how he dint knock on no doors or jes holler out knock knock n cum in. so i went out to see whut did he wont.

turnt out he wuz the preechur frum the church next door. we had dun had our frickshun with the church. they cut down a huge oak tree, a'droppin it rite on our land without so much as a yankee doodle. they dint ast could they doot, n wurst of all wuz how they dint warn us bout it. we could jes magine ifn jill n jason wuz down thar a'playin whenever twuz dun.

n sum of the church members had cumplained to us bout the parties we wuz havin, n they had em a point bout one of em whar we had too many folks n three kegs of beer. i member wakin up bout 4 am in the frunt lawn needin to vomit. i dun it rite thar n barly missed virgil, witch he wuz a'sleepin rite thar too n dint wake up once durin the hole thang. next mornin, i gut up n found thay wuz folks lying drunk or hungover all over the yard n ye could see how good church-goin folks mite not lack seein such thangs next door to thar church.

so thay wuz a lil histry thar, but i hadnt never met the preechur, witch he turnt out to be bout my age with a red baby face n probly no need to shave n hair that looked wet but woodnt stay in place n kep fallin into his eyes. i went out n ast could i hep him with innythang, n he offert his hand n sed, 'john hobbes.' i tuck it n sed 'buddy don duncan.' then he pointed to the porch of the lil house n tole me his dog had cum over n dint seem to wonta leeve that thar porch. i hadnt never seen the dog neethur, but i sed we could git him.

but befor we did, we gut to talkin. i wuz reddy to talk bout relijun to mos innybidy that wood sit still fer it, n here wuz a man who had relijun fer his main bizness, so we had plenty ground to cover. he tole me how he had gut the call n went kickin n screamin into the minstry n how ever since, god had been guidin his feet. n i ast dint god guide em befor? n he sed mayhap god tride, but john hobbes wuz stiff necked, witch i had read that in the bible n never unnerstood it till then.

n we also talked bout the lil graveyard they had em cross the street frum that church, n i tole how odd twuz that thar wuz a grave thar with my sister maisies name on it n that famous sayin, 'dear friens, as ye walk by, as ye are now, so once wuz i, as i am now, soon ye shall be, prepar fer death n follow me.' n he allowed twuz odd.

but whut makes me member that one time i ever saw or spoke to john hobbes wuz sum of the questchuns he ast. furst he ast witch of the two bruthers wuz marrd. i tole him twernt neethur of us but he sed he unnerstood one of us wuz, so i splained how i wuz divorced n that seemed to settle thang fer him. but the more he talked, the more whut i wuz plannin on sayin to susannah run thru my mind n i couldnt hep but thank how much lack a marrg whut we had wuz. n wurse, i couldnt hep but wunder how it had happened that the dog belonging to a quote man of god unquote wood wander up onto our land n park hisself on mjs porch, witch that hadnt never happened in our two years on the farm, n then the preechur wood follow his dog n cummence a discusshun bout marrg with me.

we probly coulda talked all nite bout god n revelayshun n tuther worl, but he suddenly cocked his hed to listn, n we could hear a woman hollerin in the distunts. turnt out to be his wife. he sed he had to go n he started walkin off. his dog cum along without bein called nor nuthin. he gut to the rode bout the time i gut to our door. i wuz fixin to go in when he called out, 'sorry to be so abrupt. yesterdy wuz our anniversry.'

thatn hit me hard on a counta how twuz the anniversry fer susannah n me too. wuz it a message frum god? seemed purty damn near, ifn such thangs wuz happenin. corse, i still had to face susannah that verr evenin, n i couldnt hep but wunder. n i realized that she wuz probly jes as disenchanted with thangs as i wuz. i figgered i wood tell her eggzackly how i felt, that i dint wonta marr n dint wonta have no children fer a long while n that i wuz fixin to quit carbide whuther she lacked it or not, witch that wuz a issue on a counta how wood i pay my part ifn i wernt wurkin? i figgered that talk wood lead to us brakin up. i couldnt be as much of a callus basturd as i planned, couldnt be ruthless nor cold nor jes rashunull.

so we talked n dint brake up. on a counta we had to do sumthin. on a counta i wonted to make myself a better person, sumbidy more wurthy of knowin the truth. but mosly on a counta our naybor the preechur cumin by rite then to talk bout life n god n marrg n everthang.

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