life of buddy don, chaptur 46:
shoot the devil

bibl warns ye how ye gut to be keerful bout who ye a soshiate with on a counta bad'ns kin tempt ye into doin rong. n fack is, one of the wurst flaws in the human bean is how ye cant larn nobidy nuthin frum a'tellin em bout it. ifn ye could, surely one of them great relijuns wooda gut us to do rite n quit a robbin n rapin n shootin each uther n carryin on in ways that aint good fer nobidy.

but humans aint made thataway. we lack to find it all out on our own n when ye add that'n up with that fack that ye aint born all growd up, then ye gone have a worl full of folks that has to larn whuts rong by a'doin it. n aint no way to larn bettern by a good egzample.

thats whar randy cum in, witch his hole name wuz randolph pascal fox n he wuz a frien i made up at roane state communty collidge on a counta he hung out in the lobby n often as not wood ast me did i wonta go git hi before class n often as not i wood give in to the temptayshun. randy wuz whut ye call big boned n he wuz huge nex to me on a counta i wuz whut ye call skinny n had even been called by the nickname of 'rail' befor i lef home. he had red hair n green eyes n ladies thought they wuz purty n fack is he gut hisself in plenty of scrapes with em.

rite away he wuz a source of fun n truble on a counta seem lack he had cunexshuns on whar to get thangs lack lsd, witch back then everbidy wuz jes as eager to trip as could be. lookin back, im almost shamed to tell ye the truth bout them daze, but i figger ifn i sugarcoat them cinders, ye a'gone wunder whut it is ye ate. no, fack is, i dun sum thangs that wuz downrite foolish.

but i wuz also hungry to know bout god n all, n fer sum reason, seem lack everbidy wuz a thankin lack eli wuz on a counta they wood ack lack the nex trip wuz a'gone make ye see god. n thay wuz folks playin with everthang frum astrolgy to witchcraft to black magick n everthang in between. n i wuz bout as curyas as a cat bout all of it.

fer one thang, thar wuz a perfesser thar at roane state communty collidge name of mr leopold, witch he wuz a phd but dint lack ye to call him doctor, n mr leopold held classes n logick n filosophy n i tuck em. n he wuz differnt frum mos perfessers on a counta he dint seem to be fallin fer the stuff he wuz a teechin. mos of em acted lack twuz verr importunt to know bout the quadratick equayshun or whut twuz lack in anshunt greece, but he acted lack them wuz jes more thangs of intrest in the worl n not all that importunt to how ye live yer life. he also bleeved ye could git a better educayshun by followin yer curiosity to larn on a counta thats whut yer programmed by god to know.

n on the topick of god, one day we had us a short talk out in the hall half by acksident n whut he tole me changed my life fer minny a year. corse, i had been thankin a lot on the topick n had cum up with this here proof whar ye cant know nuthin bout whuther thars a god or not but ye could only go on blind faith, n heres how twent:

1. furst, ye gut to bleev thar is a god
   
2. then ye gut to thank he dun reveeled hisself sum kinda way
   
3. then ye gut to nail down the specifick way he dun reveeled hisself, lack in a book or a prophet or burnin bush or set of tablets or big light up in the sky or whutever
   
4. n fack is, ifn ye put yer faith in #3, then ye git #1 n #2 into the bargin

sum kinda way i cum to spout thatn at him, n he cum rite back with a goodn of his own. he sed thay wuz sevrul ways folks cum to thank thay wuz a god. lack i had dun pointed out with my lil egzample, ye could cum by faith, only that true faith is made outta sumthin. n thays three thangs ye kin make faith outta, witch this wuz the furst time i had ever herd that:

1. emoshun
   
2. intelleck
   
3. egsperients

he sed mos folks gets thar faith frum #1, emoshun, on a counta they git reel scared frum sermuns on hell far n brimstone n then they know thay aint no way they kin do rite, n so they kindly need em a out to keep em frum eternull tormint, n so they put thar faith in jesus a'payin thar sinful bill fer em. or they jes lack the soshul thangs bout church, the sermuns n the fellaship n fride chicken. or theys in luv with sumbidy that goes to church. or mayhap theys hopin to meet sumbidy fer luv or jes contack with other human beans.

but then thars anuther passel of folks that gits thar faith frum thar intelleck. thay have em lease four or five ways of doin't:

1. they figger thars this here mazin worl n had to cum frum sumwhars, so they say tiz frum god a'makin it
   
2. or they say that god is the gratest of all possibull thangs ye could magin n corse yer grater ifn ye be than ifn ye dont, so thar mus be a god, witch he tole me thatn n i let it ride by n dint git to whar i could unnerstand it fer anuther two or three years
   
3. or they mite could say how everthang is a movin all the time n everthang that moves gut a push n ifn ye keep a goin back on the chain of thangs a'pushin on each other, ye gone cum to the furst pusher of em all, n that wood be god
   
4. n i added one i had cum up with, witch twuz how they mite could proov it by takin tuther view, that thar aint no god, n fer that ye wood figgert thisaway: ifn ye a'gone proov thar aint no god, then ye furst gut to know whut god wood look lack ifn ye found him, n then ye wood have to look everwhar all at once to make shore he wuznt hidin sumwhars n then ye wood have to do it at all times in the histry of the universe on a counta ye dont know fer sartin whuther this here god is live or mayhap mighta died after givin everthang that furst big push, n ifn ye could do all that, then ye mite could say ye wuz god yer ownself

n he lafft lack i had dun tole a joke n sed i wuz rite bout whut i had sed n thar wuz a psalm in the bibl that dun sed so n then he sed we had eenumerayted a nuff argumints.

n then he sed sumthin that stuck to this day: the only way ye kin know bout god without usin blind faith is to have the egsperients of god. then ye know. but ye gut to beware of (n i tuck over on thisn on a counta i dun knew it) 'whut ye wont on a counta yer fixin to git it.' ralph waldo emerson. n he smiled lack i wuz a chile showin off, witch thats whut i wuz n whut the grade game wuz all about.

so i ast him had he had the egsperients n he sed he had. so i sed then he knew ifn thar wuz a god n he sed he knew. so corse, i ast him how had he dun it n he sed twuznt sumthin he had dun, but once it had happent, he knew whut the key wuz to makin it happen. n he pawzed till i ast whut wuz it that made it happen, n he sed i woodnt be able to git it frum bein tole n bein tole mite could make it harder to make it happen on a counta twont be whut ye wonta here.

corse, ifn ye been a'reedin up to now, ye know i woodnt let that stop me, so i ast him whut did ye half to do to make it happen.

n he sed agin that ye cant make it happen, but that twoodnt happen till ye had dun sumthin n even ifn ye dun it, then it still mite not happen n he dint thank thar wuz nobidy nowhar that could control it. n i spouted out sumthin lack no man knows the time nor the place lack i wuz a talkin doll n he had dun pullt my strang.

he lafft n ast me did i reely wonta know n i sed i did, n he wiggled his fanger whar i should cum closer n then he whispered in my ear: 'ye gut to have faith.'

i backed away n looked at him, n it seemed lack all he could do to keep frum laffin out loud n i sed twernt fair of god to set it up thataway n he sed he could see my point on a counta i wuz a wontin to find the way by #2 intelleck. then he turnt without so much as a yankee doodle n went into the teechurs lounge n i thought i could hear him laffin.

so after that, i wuz trine to have faith n lookin fer god everwhar. i wood climb up to the top of the bildin i wuz a wurkin in ever mornin n watch the sun cum up n seemed lack i could almos git the feelin god wuz thar, but it never spillt over into me bein sartin bout it. n i hated how ye had to have faith to git to the egsperients of god witch ye need to have faith.

i tole randy bout this argumint n he sed twuz clear as innythang that thar wernt no god n even ifn thar whar, he wuz a cruel god at best n he dint bleev nuthin happent after ye died.

then he ast me wood i hep him with a essay he wuz trine to rite n i sed shore thang n ast whut twuz about n he sed second amendmint n i knew rite away he dint mean the hole thang but only the part bout guns n i ast witch side of the argumint he wuz on.

we wuz drivin thru midtown twords the new roane state communty collidge bildin complex when i sed that so he drove out to a privit spot by the lake thar n ast me to cum around to the trunk. i did, n he opened it up to show me sum of his colleckshun, witch the main thang i member wuz he had him a uzi n i thought they wuz illegull n he lafft n sed thats whut he wonted me to rite about.

i rite away tole him i dint wonta rite bout nuthin lack that on a counta i bleeved folks shouldnt be carryun guns. n i tole him bout my daddy a'carryin guns fer his job as fbi agent n how he dint wont us a touchin em on a counta they wuz so danjerus, speshly to the person that owned em. n i had lots of stutisticks to back up my side lack how moren half the gunshot deths are frum suicide.

corse, i knew how to switch sides in a argumint n when he wuz too lame to defend his side, i give him a cuple pointers on how i wooda argued it n he borried my pen n tuck out a lil notebook bout the size of a hand whar he kep numbers n he rote down sum of my points n then he turnt em into a essay that made his teechur give him a 'a' even tho he sed, 'shoot the devil! twuz agin everthang i bleev.' witch he luved to say 'shoot the devil.'

n that gut us to be friens as much as innythang. he used to joke bout me bein in uniform, witch n them daze i always carrd a pen, mechanicull pencil, knife, watch, liter, notepad, asthma medicine, and in my glove compartmint i kep a furst aid kit with alcohol n bandaids n s;ints n such. n he wood ast me wuz i in uniform whenever he needed sumthin.

main thang wuz how he had a cunnexshun fer acid n that led to sum intrestin times. furst time we gut sum, he tuck me over to meet a ole lady, she musta been lease forty or maybe even fifty, n he wuz havin a thang with her n she wuz a'gittin him drugs, witch she rolled a joint n we smoked it out on thar patio while her husbin wuz in watchin tv, witch she sed he wuz a alkyhollic n couldnt keep awake past seven thurty n he hadnt satisfide her in years, n that led to her a'gittin a lil kiss frum randy.

n he gut the acid too n we tuck sum n then went over to a nuther friend of his, witch he wuz named rob n he wonted to trip. n we found a livin room full of folks over in a prefab house on north purdue avenue in oak ridge n they all tuck em sum n rob put frank zappa on n we all set round smokin n gettin off.

n thar wuz a gurl thar name of candy n she wuz a'wearin sum thin pants that wuz too tite n sittin with us fer a targit n ye could see she hadnt bothered with panties n twuz all i could do to try not to look. but then i wood ketch her lookin at me n lickin her lips n i had to wunder wuz i really sein this or wuz't jes part of the trip.

purty soon rob cum over n i thought he wuz a'gone git on me fer starin but in sted he sed he wuz grateful fer all the power i wuz a puttin out into the room. n that made randy laff n he sed he wuz hongry fer sumthin sweet n then he ast me did i wonta git a lil candy n i sed i shore wished i could n candy wuz a'smilin lack she wuz about to git on a pony fer the furst time, but randy jes stood up n sed good, let's go, n we did. n even tho i dreamed bout candy overn over agin, i never saw her a nuther time.

that bizness bout power wuz sumthin that happent a lot to me in them daze on a counta i wore my beerd long n twuz as black as could be n my eyes is dark brown n ye kin magine i look lack charly manson or george harrison or jesus or sum other scary person, so i gut that a lot, speshly whenever we wuz trippin, n i tripped sevrul times with randy. n i kep thankin that one of them times i wuz a'gone have that egsperients, but i dint, not once.

then randy tuck me for a drive one day n ast me fer hep with sumthin else he wonted to rite. i ast him whut wuz the subjeck, n he sed he wonted me to hep him rite his suicide note n he wonted to splain how life wuznt wurth livin n soons i started in on how i couldnt do that, he sed he knew i could argue five or six differnt ways on ever topick thar wuz n he had dun herd a nuff to know i wuz the one could splain it.

so i tole him bout my car acksident n splained that thar wuz no way i could argue his side of the argumint. n he gut real quite n smoked most of a cigarette n i gut to thankin twood innerstin a lease n mayhap twood ackshly hep him.

so i sed he could rite it n i wood edit n he sed that wood wurk n that led to a lot of drivin round while he smoked cigarettes n we egzamined this or that way of arguin n mostly i wuz trine to proov he needed to keep a'livin n he knew it n i bleev he appreschiated it too.

corse, life goes on, even when yer plannin suicide.

fer the first three or four munths of our friendship, twuz all a secret preparation fer when he wuz a gone shoot his self. n i  couldnt splain this to virgil or mj or brew or gretchen or eli, but it had to be a secret tween randy n me.

n it gut to whar dint nun of em understand why i kep bein friends with him on a counta they thought he wuz a blowhard who claimed to have dun most everthang thay wuz to do n he wuznt old a nuff to of dun it all. n i had to defend bein his frien, witch i dun mainly by splainin that i hadnt met the perfeck person yet n he mite tell sum whoppers but everybidy lacked trippin frum his cunnexshun n did they wonta go without? n corse, nobidy had a anser fer thatn.

we kep drivin n randy tuck ever chants to push his side of the argumint, witch wuz that thay wuznt no reason to live.

to git randys side of the argumint, ye gut to unnerstand how he had this cungentull bone disease that made his biggest bones keep on a'growin after they wuz dun spozed to quit. n his lef femur wuz the main place twuz happenin, n on a counta that, he had im a hunnert per cent disbilty frum the veteruns administrayshun n fack is, he hepped eli git his hunert per cent by splainin how ye had to go into the va hospitull to git a increese n the trick wuz to git em to put ye in, raze yer level, n then put ye back out. risk wuz ye could git stuck inside.

in randys case, he dint have to wurry bout gittin stuck in, but he had sevrul operayshun on the laig to whar he had the biggest scars i ever seen on a human bean. he used to joke bout how he should have em install a zipper. they had dun replaced his femur with a plastick one n they wuz cunsiderin whuther they wonted to do the hip nex.

corse, ye cant have all that surgry without needin sumthin fer pain, n that mint randy wuz always astin did i wonta take a percodan. n i wood tell him i dint, n then he wood change the subjeck.

n he thought i had a way with women n i told him he wuz the one had the way on a counta he had him sevrul relayshunships with ladies round oak ridge that give him thangs n he sed they wuz all old n marrd, but he sed i could git me innybidy.

twernt so, n i had plenty of proof, but he dint pay that no mind. he kep pointin out a blond hedded gurl name of betty lou maples, witch the more he did, the more i noticed her till i saw her in one of my classes, witch twuz arkeeolgy n prehistry. n purty soon i wuz talkin to her now n then n i gut him innerduced to her, but he wuznt innersted in her. n i gut to whar i wuz innersted n then i ast her out n she wuz eager to go.

n soon as i knew she wuz a'gonna go, i wonted out of it, n that seemed to git her a'goin. she wonted to go to bars n drank n dance, n i wonted to git hi n listen to musick or park by the lake, so we went to sum bars n then i tuck her home, witch she wuz still livin with her parnts in oak ridge off of georgia avenue. n i walked her to her door n then we kissed, n purty soon our hands wuz everwhar n i knew i coulda tuck her back to my place, but fer sum reason, i jes wudnt innersted.

whenever randy herd how thangs had gone and how sorry i wuz i had tuck her out, he wuz astounded n wonted to know why i hadnt dun the deed with her n i splained that twuz more truble than twuz wurth on a counta thar wuznt nuthin she wonted to do that i wonted to do besides mayhap she mite wonta do the deed. so he ast wuznt that a nuff, n i sed ifn twuz, why wuz he bout to kill his self?

but he kep on, n one day he gut me to take one of his percodans rite before i wuz bout to go into arch n prehist n corse that gut me talkin nicer to betty lou, who couldnt unnerstand why i had turnt so cold after she had dun let me touch her everwhar thru her cloze n nex thang ye know, i had dun agreed to have her out to the farm to study, witch we had barely moved in n dint hardly have no furnitchur.

but she cum over n we studied n then she sed she wonted to seduce me n i let her do her best till we wuz nekkid as jaybirds lyin in my bed n i could see whar she had her the most beeyootifull bidy i had ever lain with but i ast her wuz she on the pill n she woodnt anser so i ast her how wuz we preventin babies n agin she woodnt anser ceptn to reech fer me n try to git me to finish roundin the bases, so to speak, but i woodnt n i tole her as much. i wishd rite then i had listned to my daddy who sed ye should always keep a cundum on hand fer jes such a momint, n he even lafft n sed ifn i did, i woodnt have no such momints on a counta the umbrella affeck, witch lack everbidy knows, it wont rain ifn ye carry yer umbrella.

but i had no umbrella, n the storm wuz rite thar spread out on my bed a'beggin me to git wet, but i woodnt doot. i sed lets go take a bath n we did n i washed her back n treated her rite nice but not sexy lack n then tuck her home.

n frum then on, she wuz lack s shadder a chasin me round n i give in n tuck her places n purt soon i had me a sply of cundums n we wuz a'doin the deed.

n seem lack i looked aroun n wuz stuck n wunderin why i wuz so unhappy:

1. i had everthang i had ever wonted n more, on a counta i never thought much bout havin land, but havin it seemed a grate blessin
   
2. n i wuz still makin strate 'a' marks at skool on a counta how darlene dun taught me how to play the grade game
   
3. n i had friends
   
4. n musick
   
5. n drugs
   
6. n now a beeyootifull gurl with who wonted to make me happy

fack iz, betty lou maples wuz so sexy till virgil gut to astin me could i take her sumplace besides the farm on a counta mj dint lack the way he wuz droolin, n even tho he sed it fer a joke, i could see whar he wuz a lustin in his hart after her. n twood a dun him sum good to git her, but that's a long tale that dont blong here. n even brew sed she made him wunder bout thangs he wuz missin even tho he wuz the one gut gretchen.

so twuz a mistry why i wuz so unhappy.

the subjeck cum up next time randy n me tuck a drive to wurk on his suicide note n twuz a funny thang how now he wuz the one sayin he could see my side n i wuz the one sayin thangs dint hadly seem to be wurth it, that i had ever blessin ye could wont n still dint feel happy n even havin the sexiest gurl i had ever seen or dun herd tell of, i only wonted to figger a way how i could git out of it, n even on thatn she had dun outsmarted me n gut me to buy a cristmus present fer jill frum the two of us.

he lafft n ast did i really wonta git out n i sed i did, so he tuck out a gun n pointed it rite at my hed, n the main thang i thought whenever he dun it wuz, wunder how he gut that gun without me a noticin it? n i wuz sprized at how calm i tuck havin the barrel of a gun jabbed into my lef ear while he wuz drivin. even when he cocked it, i wuz jes as cool as mornin dew.

i sed sumthin long the lines of ifn he ever wuz to thank bout it he wood see that he mite could cum up with a argumint bout how life wuz not wurth livin but that i doubted if innybidy could cum up with one on how twood be better ifn ye shot sumbidy who wuznt cawzing ye no harm. n he tuck his hand offn the wheel n tuck a drag offn his cigarette n we went over a bump so that he kindly poked my ear with the gun n i thought i could feel blood tricklin, but i dint feel the lease cuncern.

n then i sed that shootin me also woodnt git no suicide note rit, n sides i wood be gittin the better end of the bargin on a counta no matter whut if innythang cums after deth, ye gone die sooner or later n if nuthins cumin, then it dont matter tall when ye die. n ifn thar is sumthin, then dyin lack i wuz a'doin dint hole no shame on a counta lease i could prepare, n then i calmly tuck to recitin the lord's prayer, only i wuz doon it lack i wuz still a'carryin on the argumint, not lack i wuz ackshly prayin. n whenever i gut near the end, after the part bout the power n glory ferever but befor the amen, i sed n fergive this youngn name of randolph pascal fox fer whut he wuz bout to do on a counta dint nun of us properly unnerstand the point to whar we knew fer sartin jes whut we wuz spozed to do.

n rite then, i felt it, to the point whar fer a mint i wundered had randy pullt the trigger. i felt whut i cant no way splain n whut give me sumthin that showed me thar wuz faith beneath the bleef that thars no faith, that thars sumthin so deep in ye that ye dont know ye gut it but sum kinda way tiz attached to everthang else.

then i saw that randy wuz lookin at me n i sed ye oughta watch the rode, aint no reason fer us both to die, n he lafft n put away the gun. n i ast did he wonta let me drive while he rolled us a joint n he lafft n sed twood be bettern trine to git one of mine to burn, witch i never larnt how to roll a joint n everbidy called mine pregnunt n genrly jes tuck em apart to roll new'ns.

it dont do to splain it, n ever wurd thrown at it jes covers it up all the more. but i had a momint that i knew whut mr. leopold mint.

randy made me jump when he sed 'damn, bud! ye aint a fraid of nuthin, are ye?'

when i dint anser, he licked up the joint n sed, 'shoot the devil!'

life of buddy don, chaptur 45:
how me, brew n virgil bought the farm

thays a famous sayin by ralph waldo emerson that goes sumthin lack beware of whut ye wont on a counta yer lackly to git it. furst time i herd that'n, witch twuz in a murkin lit class, it made me real happy on a counta lack most folks, seemed lack gittin whut ye wont is the main point of livin. as ye mite member, one of the thangs i wonted wuz to git virigl n myra jane to move to tennessee. i tole em thar wuz land that could be bought n no reason we couldnt git us a farm n grow our own food n raise chickens n whutever twuz ye need to live.

i reckon i tride so hard to cunvints em that i dint realize i had dun it. corse, i knew once myra, witch we gut to callin her jes mj, but once mj gut a idee in her hed that she wonted to do, twuz hard to put a stop to her. so they rote me in late august of 1975 to let me know thay wuz on the way, n bout the middle of september, they showed up. by then, me n brew wuz livin back home, n ye kin probly put together jes how hectic life wuz.

case ye havent made a list, here tis:

1. i dont hardly mentchun it now, but my job wuz not the worl's easiest n tuck considerbull effort ever nite to keep ahead
   
2. i wuz takin a full load of classes over to roane state communty collidge
   
3. i wuz chasin mos ever thang in a skirt
   
4. i spent a good hunk of my time practissin musick n even playin out now n then
   
5. mos everbidy wuz doin too many drugs

so twuznt lack i had a lot of extry time to hep sumbidy git thar start in tennessee, but i had dun wonted it n gut it, so i had to do sumthin. furst thang wuz, they wood need a place to stay fer the nite, n thar wuznt room a nuff in mama's fer a famlby of three, witch ye mite member how they had em a daughter name of jill, n by then she wuz near four years old. still, twuz good they cum in the evnin on a wensdy since i could call in fer two days of vacayshun n hep em git started. furst thang they needed wuz baths on a counta they had been campin out the hole way cross cuntry. mama wuz pleased to hep out with this by lettin em wash thar cloze in her washer n dry em in her dryer n she even wonted to feed em, but i tole her i had dun promised to take em to shoneys big boy restrunt.

n thats whut we dun n then i tuck em up to frozen hed state park whar we camped. i gut a bottle of ezra befor we lef n that made virgil happy. we drunk a lil too much, witch twuz lucky fer me i upchucked early n then quit drankin on a counta the nex day i dint have no hangover the way virgil dun. n mj wuz alreddy makin noizes bout whut a miss take twuz fer virgil to let his friend talk him into movin her back to 'the hick state.'

n that rite thar led to the furst of minny a fuss n fite tween mj n me. ye kin say lots of thangs roun me without a'gittin me riled in the lease, but whenever ye git to critcizing the grate state of tennessee, yer a'fixin to git a anser back frum me. n as ye mite magine, mj had her a anser fer everthang that wuz ever uttered in the hole histry of the univers n she wuznt one to add mitt ever bein rong.

so i tuck em fer a drive sos we could see whuther we could find a place fer us to live, witch the plan wuz that we wood git a place together n share expentses, but twernt easy to find nuthin. we drove all over morgan county n then looked in roane county n finally we gut to anderson n gut a lil nibble thar in olver sprangs.

nex day i had to go to skool in the mornin so i left em sleepin at the camp n tole em to meet me after class n i promised i wood have us sumthin to smoke on a counta mj dint much care fer drankin n fack is, i dint know how much it bothered her fer me to brang that bottle the furst nite. turns out she wuz wurried bout virgil's drankin but seemed to me lack she wuz wurried bout mos everthang.

they wuz thar round noon as planned n furst thang they tole me wuz the guy in olver sprangs had dun rented the place while we wuz thanking over whut to do. mj wuz a'lettin me have it n astin virgil wuz he reddy to go back to californy yet, but i ast her did she member how to roll a joint on a counta eli had dun scored a fat bag of home grown, witch folks lacked to say home grown wuznt no good but that only kep the price down. so she tuck the bag n shut up till she had rolled five or six numbers n i sed she could take sum of the bag fer later ifn she lacked. n bout half way thru the furst'n she sed she wuz startin to see whar the land in tennessee wuz good.

ye mite wunder why mj wuz so down on tennessee since she wuz born thar, but i have noticed in life that lots of folks lacks to make fun of whar they cum frum, almos as if it makes em more sofisticated. corse thay wuz a tale hanging behind how she felt, only i dint larn it fer a while. mayhap i'll member to tell it sum time.

i bet lookin back, even mj wood add mitt cumin back home to tennessee wuz one of the best thangs she ever dun, but at the time, seem lack she hated me so much that she dint wont innythang to go rite.

then we had us a bit of luck. ye mite member how in chaptur 39 i tole the story bout my parnts silver weddin anniversry. well, mos everbidy on eethur side of the fambly cum to wish em well, n twuz a lil befor the ackshul date on a counta they wonted to have it out at one of mama's rich friends, witch she had a few on a counta she sold em dresses frum a shop whar she wurked. thisn wuz a woman name of anna smith-liebling, witch her real name wuz anna smith n she marrd a man name of chris liebling n then made him take a hyfenated name on a counta hers wuz famous alreddy. i reckon ye dun probly herd bout the smiths, huh?

innywho, ant rachel wuz thar n fer sum reason she tole brew n me she wuz a'sellin a farm out on black oak road n wood we be in the lease intrested. we sed we mite could be n ast direckshuns.

nex day, we rode out to black oak ridge with virgil n mj n jill n brew n me n saw that farm, witch twuz mainly a tree farm with 20.5 acres n two houses n a barn. we walked all round it n saw twuz a fine place n then thar wuz only the problem of the price, witch twuz $29,500.

it tuck sum doin to figger out how we could buy that farm, but we knew twuz whut we wonted to do bout halfway thru our walk round the border. furst we went to the bank of oak ridge, only they sed we dint have a nuff fer the down paymint, witch they wonted us to put down at lease $10,000. we only had the $2,000 i had lef over frum the last savins plan.

by then, brew had gut him a job out at the plant, ornl that is, n we deecided to see what the credit unions could do. turnt out i could git $2,500 frum the k25 credit union n brew could git the same frum the y12 credit union,  so that mint we wood have $7,000 to put down. we drove over to oak ridge n ast ant rachel whut more we wuz a'gone need.

n she wuz real happy n tole us ifn we could let her have $1,000 of earnest money, she could make sure nobidy else gut it. n we wuz sorely tempted, but we dint wonta risk losin so much money in case we couldnt cum up with tuther $3,000, but uncle henry cum in n sed he wood give us a second morgidge. n he showed us how we could set it up whar me n brew bought the prop'ty n rented one of the two houses to virgil n mj n count the rent as incum. n purty soon, he had put together a piece of paper with a nuff figgers on it that the bank of oak ridge wuz suddenly all smiles.

so we dun it, even tho twuz a verr scary thang, n we had to trust each other a lot. n the most trublesum thang wuz how the current occupunts of them houses had three munths lef befor they had to git out.

then thar wuz the questchun that mj kep astin on a counta no matter whut problems ye solved, she wood cum up with new ones to wurry bout, n that wuz how did we thank virgil n mj wuz spozed to make them paymints?

twuz a good questchun, so we went out in mama's back yard n passed round a joint while jill played on my knee n purty soon brew sed he dint see why virgil couldnt git a job a shoneys big boy restrunt. n i ast dint he have the gi bill?

so by nex week, he had dun gut a job washin dishes, witch twuz on a counta eli quittin n then goin frum oak ridge mental helth clink to the va hospital in murfreesboro, so they wuz in need of a dishwasher n eli had sed he woodnt do it no more. he wuz goin fer 100 per cent disabilty, n after murfreesboro, he gut it.

n virgil gut into roane state communty collidge n that mint the stoteses, witch virgils name wuz virgil martin stotes, them stoteses had em a nuff money, n they fixed a place on the farm whar they could camp n i let virgil use my motorsickle so mj wood have a car, n thangs wuz lookin good.

but mj dint stop complainin till the folks in the lil house had moved out early n thay had moved in. by christmas, we wuz all a'livin thar, brew n me in the big house, virgil n mj n jill in the lil'n.

i wuz still wurkin graveyards, so one evnin i gut up n went to shoneys big boy restrunt fer dinnner n thar wuz mj. i ast could i join her, n she agreed. seemed lack we wuz a'gittin along a lil better, so i risked astin wuz she happy bout the way thangs had turnt out.

n she looked at me lack i wuz jes as crazy as eli n she sed she woodnt say she wuz happy on a counta she had too much to wurry bout.

besides that, she sed she had dun escaped frum the sticks n hicks once, n now she wuz back n stuck with a farm full of em.

life of buddy don, chaptur 44:
the gurl who wuz a witch

thays thangs that kin be rite in frunt of yer face without yer noticin, n thats purty much the case with gail frost, witch her real name wuz abigail but she dint allow nobidy to call her that on a counta she sed twuz too ole fashion.

lack as not, she wood be settin in the same group in the lounge at roane state communty collidge i wuz in, n seems odd how i never noticed her till one day she cum over side of me n ast wuz it true i could read 'the tarot' n i ast her did she mean the cards n she sed whut other 'tarot' wuz thar.

i tole her cards wuz a game, nuthin more, n she laffed n sed she could see i had attained deep understandin n ast wood i play the game with her.

that razed a lease one questchun, witch wuz how could she know bout me readin them cards when i hadnt dun it fer nobidy at the collidge n nobidy thar i knew bout had ever been round when i wuz a doin it? i had no idee, but peeple is known fer flappin thar gums n i figgered mayhap she knew sumbidy who had told her bout me. i tole her i dint take my cards out nowhar n she sed twuz a wise policy, n next thang ye know, i had dun agreed to brang her over to my place fer a readin.

corse, twuz a date more or less n once i reelized whut i had agreed to, i gut to lookin a lil more keerful lack. she had her sum pale blue eyes n wispy brown hair n more freckles than i had ever seen on a person. i know i musta seen her round, but as i jes splained in the last chaptur, i wuz purty much caught up in trine to ack lack i wuz unintrested in laura russell, n i had to wunder whuther i had even noticed her even once.

fack is, i dont thank i had noticed her bein much more than a face that wuz thar sumtimes n even then, i couldnt say fer shure i had ever seen her befor she cum up to me.

whenever i went to pick her up n she cum out a'wearin a thin black dress with a low cut top n short skirt, i wuz tuck back a bit. at skool she wuz always wearin jeans n a floppy sweater that cuovered most everthang n fack is, i wooda guessed she wuz a lil on the fat side n trine to hide it. turnt out she wuz hidin a verr sexy build under all them cloze. but i reckon fer our date she wonted me to see she had sum thangs she figgered ever man wuz always intrested in, witch that wuz her big breasts n long legs n skinny waist.

tuwz all i could to to keep frum starin down her dress to see wuz she wearin a bra, so whenever we gut down to my room, i showed her whar we wuz a'gone set, n she gut down on her knees as slow and easy as caro syrup pores out on pancakes. n she settled whut lil skirt she had round her waist n still thar wuz more'n half her thighs a'showin. n she wuz leanin forward with her eyes closed n i coulda swore she wuz sayin a lil prayer only the way she wuz a posed, ye could see purt much all her breasts, ifn ye wuz a'lookin.

twuz damn distractin, so i turnt away n unlocked the drawer whar i kep the cards locked up. i tuck out the wood box i kep em in n opened it up n tuck out the silk that wuz wrapped round em.

i wonted to tell her how i used the wood n silk to make the game seem more real, but whenever i turnt around, she wuz still in the same pose, eyes closed. so i tride not to look at her breasts n then tride not to notice that she wuznt in fack wearin no bra n finally i tride to tell myself i wuznt seein her whut i wuz seein, witch seem lack that dress dint wonta contain one of em. i coffed sos to let her know i wuz a'lookin in her direckshun, n she opened her eyes n looked rite in mine, without a'gittin up, n i half to add mitt twuz as sexy a look as ever i had seen on a woman.

i smiled, as if to say i wuz in on her lil joke, but i never saw a more seryus person. she kep her eyes on mine, her hands down on her thighs, n she sed she could feel my power. corse twernt egzackly power i wuz a feelin, but i dint tell her that.

in sted, i  unfolded the silk on a counta i always laid the cards out on it whenever i wuz playin the game n put it in frunt of whar she wuz settin n tuck out the cards n give em to her. n the hole time, i kep my eyes rite on hers even though my eyes wuz a dyin to look elsewhar. n seem lack that steady look wuz nearly too much fer her since she dint do nuthin but stare rite back n thay wuz a long spell whar that wuz all we dun. n the longer we dun it, the purtier she seemed till i ast her wuz she a'gone shuffle them cards n git the readin underway?

i sed it lack a joke, so she had to laff. then i tole her bout them cards, bout how they hadnt never touched nuthin but the silk i kept em wrapped in, the inside of the box they cum in, the hands of them that cum to git me to play the game with em, n my hands. i tole her she should clear her mind of all thangs ceptn whut she wonted to ast, n ifn she dint know whut to ast, then she should jes let her mind go as blank as could be sos the deepest part of her could do the shufflin. when she wuz dun a shufflin, witch that mint whenever she felt lack them cards wuz jes rite, she wuz to split em into three piles a'usin her lef hand.

she shuffled slow n thoughtful n the hole time, her eyes wuz on mine. twooda been easier ifn she had jes bent over n wurked on them cards on a counta the only reason i wuz a'starin back in her eyes wuz to keep frum starin elsewhar, but i dint n after whut seemed lack a day of starin at each other, she put the cards in thar piles from rite to lef, jes lack i had sed.

i used the celtic cross method of the game, n i had dun put the queen of wands down fer her, n shore a nuff, the king of swords cum up to cover her, witch she sed wuznt that my card? n her meanin wuz clear as a mountain stream n whutever else that reedin tole her n me, the only thang we gut frum it wuz, 'this covers her, the king of swords.' n fack is, i cant member nuthin more bout the reedin than that.

twuz a rite awkwurd momint whenver i wuz dun n puttin up the cards. we dint neethur one of us know whut we wuz spozed to do next. i wuz lucky a nuff to have the cards to put up n after that i sed i needed to go to the bathroom, witch i needed to make a small adjustmint n thar wernt no way i could pee jes then innywho, but i went in n tride to make it so twernt so obveeus the affeck she wuz havin on me, n then i flushed n when i cum out, she ast wood i hep her git up.

i give her my hand n as slow and smooth as ye could wont, she gut up n kep a holt of my hand n cum closer till twuz the most natcherul thang in the worl fer my arms to snake round her waist n pull her body to mine, n then thar wuz no hidin nuthin. n she put her nose nex to mine n a kiss wooda been easy, but i sed i dint kiss after reedin them cards. n she pulled back n stroked my face with a huge smile n acted lack i had jes passed a test.

we left n drove to her place n she wundered did i wonta cum in, but i sed i dint think twuz rite, but whenever i wuz trine to make that point, she gut a kiss in, n purty soon my hands gut to checkin places my eyes had dun tride not to go till her panties wuz down round one of her ankles n i wuz findin the rite rhythm with my fangers. n whenever she wuz done moanin and squirmin, she sed twuz the best she had ever had. n then she sed, 'ye know ye gut the power, don't ye?' but when i started to tell her i dint know whut she wuz a'talkin bout, she put her hand over my mouth, n nex thang i know, she wuz a'wavin at me frum her porch, n then she wuz gone.

corse, the power that wuz ackshly wurkin on her wuz the power of the third rule, witch i wuznt intrested in her a tall, even if she wuz bout as sexy as could be. i couldnt splain it, but i reckon that part of it wuz the wurkin of rule #6, witch ye dont care fer the sex ye kin git as much as ye do fer the sex ye cant git.

but that dint mean i woodnt go out with her agin, n purty soon we had dun the deed, n twuz rite nice. n sum kinda way, i wuz able to see her often a nuff even though i wuz really after laura russell. i cant splain it.

then one nite i cum to git her n as usual, she wusnt quite reddy, so she gut me to cum in while she finished n her apartmint wuz bout as messy as inny i had ever seen. i dint say nuthin, but twuz one more thang that made me wunder why i wuz leadin her on when i knew thar wuz no future fer us. but then she cum out n she wuz a wearin a new halter top that wernt much of nuthin ceptn sum thin beige cloth with a knot tied to keep it together n looked lack the knot could cum undun with a simple pull, n shure a nuff, my fangers wuz itchy to try it.

so we went n ate n then we saw that movie 'love and death' n it made us laff. n when we cum out, we run into laura russell n a bunch of the homer circle gang, n i tuck satisfackshun in seein how hurt laura wuz at seein me with gail.

then we went down by the lake to play with that knot, till it cum loose n purty soon we wuz wurked up n she sed why dint i cum back to her place, so we tride to tie the knot back but she sed we could leave it be, n even though it covered a lil more that way, twuz sexier since the lease breeze could egspoze everthang.

but whenever we gut to her place, we wuz in fer a huge sprize: sumbidy had cum in n thrown everthang she had into the floor of her livin room n she wuz scairt n ast me wood i let her stay with me n i tole her i wuz house sittin my ant but why not. she sed she wood jes git sumthin to wear to bed n then fer the nex day, but soon as she gut into her bedroom, she screamed n i cum a'runnin.

n i seen whar sumbidy had tuck her bed apart n leant it up in frunt of the window n in the middle of the floor thar wuz a pentagram scratched out in black soot n a black candle n other signs n she fell into my arms n cride n kep astin why woodnt they leave her alone?

twuz a scary momint. who had dun this? i could jes magine them a'cumin back to git us. i ast her did she wonta go n we practicly fun frum the lace.

she had mint to change, but she stayed dressed jes lack she wuz n dint brang no cloze fer the nex day. i tuck her over to ant sary's, witch twuz lucky i wuz house sittin fer her on a counta i dint wonta brang a woman to mama's fer the nite. n she loved ant sary's on a counta twuz full of anteeks on since ant sary counta she wuz a anteek dealer. n seem lack gail new a lot bout sum of them anteeks n she sed she wuz a egspurt in early murkin thangs. n i fell fer it n ast her why.

turnt out she had a tale to tell. she sed she had her a dream one nite whar she wuz in a ole fashion place n tied to a post n then she could see she wuz a'gone be burnt to death. n thar in the crowd a'lookin on wuz my face, witch she sed twuz me in a former life.

n whenever she tole that story to her mama, her mama tuck her to her grandmama n larnt that she wuz the image of a witch frum salem n her name had been abby, witch she always hated the name n now she wundered why. n they tole her she wuz a born witch n she wuz a powerful as they git.

then she tole me i wuz a witch too n i wuz even stronger than she wuz. n then she splained that thar wuz a coven thar in oak ridge n that coven wuz after her to join n that wuz why they kep attackin her. i wuz bout to say that wuz sum bunk, but then she gut to splainin who all wuz in the coven, n turnt out to be a lot of gurls i had met here n there. i dint even know they all knew each other. thar wuz iris at wurk. n three of the gurls that wuz always flurtin with me in biolgy lab. n chelle armstrong! n carla the short gurl!

gut so i could feel the lil hairs movin on my neck. how could she know all this? n all these folks! she even mentchuned deirdre frum wurk n dint nobidy know nuthin bout her n even so, with deirdre twuz nuthin but flirtin cross the cafeterya n sum phone calls.

whenever she could see i had dun started to take her seryus, she tuck my hands n put em under the ends of her blouse n kissed me n then we wuz a'doin the deed n then we woke up n she put on her dirty cloze n i drove her home.

we went in, n thar wuz a nuther sprize: her apartmint wuz all cleaned up, more'n i had ever seen it, n thar wuz no trace of the stuff we had found in her bedroom. n i tride to tell did she seem sprized n did she really wonta cum back.

but she seemed fine so i left her thar, n i tride to tell her next time we talked that i dint thank i wonted to continue on a counta i had a crazy bruther n last thang i needed to be playin round with wuz witchcraft n bla bla bla, but she stopped me befor i gut started good n sed she knew i had to leave her now but after tuther abi gut pregnunt, i wood wonta talk to her.

n i sed did that mean she dint wonta see me no more, on a counta as soon as she wuz the one sayin goodbye, then i wonted to keep on, but she sed twuznt a matter of whut she wonted but whut had to be n twuz sumthin we couldnt never escape.

n that wuz the last of gail fer a long while. n jes a sudden as she had cum out of the background, she disappeared back into it. n jc harding wood say he had dun seen her, n i wood ast when n whar. or i wood be a'sittin in the lounge n he wood ast why i wuz avoidin her, n i sed i hadnt seen her, n  he sed she wuz rite thar, n i ast whar, n he sed she had been rite thar a few mints ago. n whenever i called her number, thar wuz no anser.

twuz a long while befor i saw her agin. n i tole myself twuz fer the best on a counta she she wuz trubled n couldnt be no real witch.

but eli cum over one day n ast wuz i a'goin with that witch name of abby, n i ast him whar had he herd that on a counta nobidy in the fambly knew nuthin bout her. n i tole him i hadnt never been with no witch named abby nor no gurl neethur but i couldnt hep but wunder bout whut he knew.

i dint mentchun the witch name of gail.

life of buddy don, chaptur 43:
breakin a triangle

thay wuz this group of young folk bout my age in oak ridge that had em a house off highland avenue. witch twuz on a street called homer circle n that mint the group wuz purty much called the homer circle gang. thay wuz a lil prefab house thar n thats whar they wood gather to play thar musickul instrumints n talk n git hi n such lack. i gut to whar i wuz hauntin the place purty reglar on a counta i met this woman name of laura russell.

she wuz a studint at roane state community collidge n i met her down in the lounge whar all the kids wood set tween thar classes or jes hang out thar to see who mite drop by. i lacked to sit in the lounge n read while i wuz a'waitin fer class. i wood watch the gurls n wunder why twuz i couldnt seem to find one to go with me more reglar lack. thay wuz a number of em that wuz so easy on the eye ye could magine bein happy with em till ye gut to know em n figgered out thay wuz a passel of thangs ye wood wonta change, n thars one rule ye kin take to the bank n grave, n that is ye cant change nobidy but yerself, ifn yer lucky nuff to do even that. so i wood tend to git a crush on one till i gut to no her n then i could see twernt wurth the changes i wood have to make to git along.

i dint hardly notice her at furst. mayhap twuz on a counta she dint whar no makeup n dressed in nuthin but blue jeans n flannel shirts n boots, but thay wuz a conversayshun gut goin bout samuel peeps, witch he wuz the guy who kept a diary back in the 16 hunnerts. i wuz jes a half listnin n dint have much to say on the topick on a counta i dint know who this peeps wuz at the time. then sumbidy sed they dint thank folks kep diaries inny more n both laura n me sed 'yes they do' at the same time, n that gut us each to notice tuther. turnt out she had dun been ritin a diary since 1970 n i had been a'keepin one since 1967.

we made friends over it, n thats how i gut to be part of the homer circle gang, tho i never fit in on a counta i dint have no stranged instermints n nobidy had a mandlin to lend me, not to mentchun how i hadnt touched one since befor i marrd darlene, n thay wuz no peeano in the place, so whenever they gut to pickin, i wuz lef to listnin n watch n that wuz fine. corse, since laura dint play no instermint a tall n gut so we wood sit near each other n listen n purty soon gut so whenever they gut a'goin good we wood go out on the porch n drank ezra brooks whiskey.

i should mentchun rite here how she wuz marrd to a man name of kenny black, witch he wuz a gentl man who wuz a'larnin to pick guitar a bit, n whenever the pickin cummenced, he wood be trine so hard to keep up he woodnt never know ifn laura n me wuz in the room or whut. n thang wuz, i dint reelize they wuz marrd fer the longest on a counta how she woodnt take his name. i ast her bout that soons i knew they wuz marrd n she sed twuz on a counta twernt no reel marrg n she wuz dun jaded on luv n mos everthang ye could mentchun ceptn ye mite could wunder why she wuz a'wontin to hang out with me.

i reckon ye mite could say she wuz verr cunfused on that'n. i could see she lacked me a lot n wonted to spend as much time as she could with me. kenny lived in harriman n she wood stay with her folks often as not, witch they lived in oak ridge up on outer drive on east of illinois avenue. so twuz natcherul that she wood need a ride to skool in the mornin n purty soon twuz my habit to give it to her ifn she wuz in need of it.

but the main thang that gut us a'goin with each other wuz our diaries. we talked a lot bout em n whuther they wuz good fer innythang other than lettin off hot air.

one evenin, the musick wuz a'goin lack crazy. seem lack they gut stuck on that song rollin in my sweet babys arms fer most of the evenin, so we went out on the porch n started passin the ezra to each other. twuz a beeyootiful fall evenin, jes warm a nuff whar ye dint need a jacket but jes chilly a nuff whar a cuple of folk mite sit a bit closer to keep frum a'gittin a chill, n seem lack bout the thurd time we passed the ezra, she wuz a leanin rite agin me. she had a verr nice smell to her n seem lack it went rite thru me till i wonted to put my arms round her n bury my nose in her neck n maybe kiss her thar, n mayhap i dun it n mayhap she even wood turn jes in time to catch my lips on hers. n we wood kiss but then brake apart whenever they wuz between songs.

twuz such a momint, the sudden silence after the last chord, the laffin n hootin n hollerin n all, so we moved apart reel quick lack n she sed, loud sos kenny could here't ifn he wuz a lisnin, bout whuther i thought keepin a diary wuz good fer innythang. twuz a old topic, but dint nobidy know whuther we had dun talked it out, so i tole her i thought they wuz on a counta seemed lack i had larnt a lot bout ritin n bout myself frum a'keepin it.

so that made her ast did i ever read mine, n ye mite thank that wuz a stoopid questchun ceptn fack is, i hadnt never dun it. i add mitted as much. n she ast wuz i fraid to read it, n i sed i dint thank so, jes that i druther rite sumthin new than read sumthin old.

by then kenny wuz at the screen door a lookin out at the porch. i wuz leanin agin one post of the stairs n she wuz a leanin tuther way, n i held up the bottle, so kenny cum out n tuck a drank offn it. then he ast laura did she wonta go n she sed she wuznt tarrd in the least. then she ast wuz he tarrd n he sed he had sum studyin he needed to git up n do the next day. whenever i herd that lame egscuse, witch the next day wuz saturdy n that mint he had all weekend to study, i gut up n sauntered down to the sidewalk sos they could have em room to fuss n fite ifn need be.

twuz one of them mean fuss n fites whar neethur side is willin to raze thar voices n i felt fer kenny on a counta he wuz in luv n dint know how to ack lack he wuznt intrested in laura n thang is, them rules bout women wurks even when yer marrd to em. n he had dun give up trine to treat her lack he dint care no more, n he wuz down to the despert level of treatin her bout as nice as a man kin do n then a'gittin mad on a counta how she dint even seem to care whut he dun fer her, dint have no appreciashun fer his sackrifices.

ye kin take thisn fer gospel n that is, whenever one side is stoopin to the level of accusin tuther of not being properly grateful fer whut the one side is n has been a doin, tis too late fer doin thangs to make much differnts. such tackticks leads to resentmint, not gratitude n never to ackshul luv. i know that now on a counta i dun made kennys miss take more times than i kin count. mayhap ifn i finish this hole tale, i'll go back n make a count of the times i wuz stoopid thataway.

whut happent in this case wuz laura hollered at me n ast wood i give her a ride home n she knew the anser befor she ast, so i sed shure. n poor kenny looked at me lack he wood a shot me ifn his guitar hadda been a shotgun. in sted, he made a huge miss take, witch twuz to ast her whut she could see in me innyway.

that made her mad in the hit dog hollers sense of the wurd on a counta she wuznt add mittin she wuz a'seein innythang in me or havin them feelins fer me nor nuthin lack that, n she dint lack it that he had dun figgered out that she wuz. she dint anser him but jes gut up n walked over to me n handed me the bottle n ast did i wonta go down to the lake sos we could talk without bein interrupted. n she sed it loud a nuff fer kenny to here't n i wish't she hadnt but fack wuz, i wonted to go park innywhar with her n the lake wuz hi on the list.

so we walked over to my car n she hollered out to dave roberts, witch he wuz more or less the rangleader of the homer circle gang on a counta he wuz the one payin the rent, n ast him to come over n have a bite off'n the ezra. n he dun it, n then she ast dave to splain to kenny that she wood be sleepin in oak ridge. she dint say at her folks n ye could see dave wonted to ast did she mean at her parnts house on a counta he n kenny wuz close friends, but he dint say nuthin.

so we drove down twords melton hill n she wuz laffin n a'gittin more drunk n slappin me on the right thigh whenever she had a good point to make.

whenever we gut thar, i wuz thankin bout mayhap she wood let me kiss her, but twernt her plan. we gut out of the car n went to sit on a a picnic table to look at the lake. twuz a clear nite with no moon n a millyun stars out.  n she sed she had a proposal fer me. n then we bof laffed n she sed twernt a marrg proposal n i sed twuz good on a counta her already bein marrd. then she sed her proposal wuz that ifn i wood let her read my diary, she wood let me read hers.

i made a joke bout wuz it rite to git so intimate so quick n she laffed n sed i should kiss her then n i did n she kissed me back n purty soon she leaned back on the table n pullt me on top of her n we kissed sum more n then we shifted sumhow to whar she could feel how i wuz a'gittin wurked up n soons she felt that, she gut to pushin me away. so i ast whut wuz rong n she sed sumthin lack sex ruins everthang, speshly relayshunships.

ifn i had been born all grown up, i wooda sed then that thar wernt much reason to keep on spendin time together. but in them daze, whut she sed only made me wont her more. ackshly, it made me wont sex with her more only by that point, i couldnt tell if twuz her i wonted or jes to git her to say yes.

but whut i dun wuz agree to swappin diaries n then we drank sum more n talked n purty soon she wuz a'startin to nod, so i tuck her to her parnts house n let her out. n next day i red my own diaries so i could see whut she wood be a seein.

n that made me near sick. i could barely bleev my eyes, n twuz a shameful thang to see how i fell fer most ever trick n then rote my side down lack i wuz the one in charge. n i wuz ashamed of all the bad ritin in it, but thar wuz no way out by then, so whenever we wuz a'drivin to skool on mundy, i give her all eight of the notebooks i had filled up till then. that set her back a bit on a counta hers wuz only two lil notebooks, the kind ye git in a english class.

but i tuck em innyway n by the next day i had dun red em, but she dint wonta talk bout em till she had red mine. n turnt out she wuz takin notes on it, n purty soon we wood spend our lounge time out on the porch whar she wood read me whut she had writ bout what i had writ, n thang wuz, she wuz a'fallin in luv with the person she wuz makin frum my diaries, witch that wuznt the same person i wuz.

thats a bit of a conundrum, aint it? i wonted her by then more'n i could member a'wontin innybidy, witch thats the simple operayshun of rule #5, the sex ye wont most is the sex ye never git. but i kep thankin i wood have to git it sooner or later on a counta she wuz makin plans that included me.

one thang she gut frum whut she red wuz how i wonted to git out of tennessee n see sum of the worl. dint seem to matter whar. new york. europe. colombia. japan. whutever place ye mite name, thar wuz a chants i had dun hoped to go thar. n she wuz hopin to go sumwhars also, n the place she wonted to go wuz europe whar she wonted to git a pass whar ye kin take inny trane to innywhar long as twuz within sartin countries, n i lacked the idee a lot, so we begun a plannin it.

ye kin jes magine how that made kenny feel bout me n thangs. i speckted him to hate me, but he tuck a nuther track, witch he made friends with me n gut to whar he wood cum over n git me to play peeano for him or even fer the two of us to play together. n it gut so i lacked him a lot.

he wuz the one sed to me that the biggest problem in the cuntry wuz the disparty of wealth, n i sed i hadnt never noticed it, n he sed sumthin bout even the robber barons figgered they only needed lack 20 times as much as the wurkers in thar plants. n he sed twood be a good thang ifn thar wuz a law that sed the one who made the most in a cumpny could only make lack five times as much as the one who made the least n he claimed that wuz sumthin solon had cum up with, witch solon wuz a greek who did his ritin durin the golden age of greece. he bleeved real democracy mint sumthin closer to equalty tween rich n poor n he also pointed out how the economy wood wurk lots better ifn everbidy had a lil more money than they needed to git thar daily bread on a counta the more they wood buy, the more the economy wood grow, but ifn nobidy had no money ceptn a nuff to get the basics, then thar woodnt be as much of a economy. n he wood say thangs lack, member henry ford n the power of sellin lots of thangs fer a lil money ruther than a few thangs fer a lot.

as ye kin see, he wuz way ahead of me in lots of thangs, n now that i thank back on it, the conversayshuns we had stuck with me a lot longer than innythang laura had writ or sed or done.

but that dint stop me frum a'wontin her, even when i had dun red her diary n could see she wuznt nearly as deep as she seemed to be. n it brought me down that she had writ bout me n sed she thought she had dun found the anser on a counta i wuz a man who cared for her mind not her sex. n whenever i red it, i knew she had it egzackly backwards. i wuznt that intrested in her mine but i shore nuff did wonta touch her n have sex with her.

twernt to be. oh, we kep ridin back n forth to skool n makin plans bout europe, but by then, seemed lack i wuz on the defense n purty soon she got sos she noticed it, n then rule #3 kicked in, witch that the one says a woman is attracted to a man who aint intrested, speshly if he treats her bad. i wuznt treatin her bad so much as makin more time for kenny than i wuz makin fer her, n gut so the only time i wood see her wuz whenever she needed a ride to wurk.

then she invited me down to tellico to camp out fer the weekend n i could see she wuz a'gone have sex with me. i reckon thar wuz sumthin in me that wuz a'changin on a counta whenever she dun that, i sed i wood go, n then i ast kenny did he wonta go too n i sed my tent wuz big a nuff fer three, n he coulda kissed me he wuz so grateful.

so we went, n whenever he showed up, ye could see she wuz bout as pissed off as she could be, only she wuz mad at him, not me. i tole her i had invited him, n that made her even madder at him. but i tole him he should stay n he had dun brought a canoe, so he sed he wood. n fack wuz, the three of us had a nice time on the river, paddlin n fishin. caught a nuff trout fer dinner n i showed em how ye fixed em with cornmeal n crisco n they sed twuz a good a meal as ever they had et.

n we set round the far n shared sum ezra n purty soon kenny tuck out his guitar n wuz playin n i gut to sangin a lil harmonies with him, n ye could see twuz a drivin laura over the edge. she sed she needed to take a walk, n kenny ast did she wont cumpny, n she sed she did only not him.

twuz a verr uncomfertabull momint. i dint much wonta go eethur, but she sed c'mon bud, i need to talk. n i looked over to kenny n he sed fuck her only he mint he dint care no more. n i could see he really dint, only she couldnt so we tuck a walk n purty soon we wuz a kissin n a'gittin wurked up till we wuz touchin places we hadnt never touched befor. n then she started pullin off my shirt, n thats when i sprize my ownself by sayin i dint thank twuz the place or time. n that jes made her hotter than befor, but i sed we needed to git back.

so we did n poor kenny wuz in his sleepin bag in the tent, a way over on one side of it, so we gut in our sleepin bags n she ast should we put em together to make one n i sed mine dint wurk thataway, witch that wuz a lie n she spotted it n it made her mad but whut could she do?

then in the middle of the nite, i woke n found she wuz a kissin my neck n that gut me a'goin in a instunt n i kissed her back fer a bit till i woke up a nuff to here kenny snore. i dint have no cloze on ceptn my underwear n purty soon she had her hand down thar, n thats when i gut up n sed i had to go, n she hit me, n that woke kenny up. he ast whut time twuz, n i sed twuz time fer me to go n that woke him up more.

he looked out the tent n sed twuz still dark, n i sed twuz, but twoodnt be fer long. i ast him wood he brang my tent to me n he sed he wood.

n bout the time i gut to my car, here cum laura n she wuz a wunderin whut i thought i wuz a'doin n i tole her i wuz a'goin home on a counta twernt rite whut wuz a'happnin. n i tole her i wuznt a'gonna go to europe with her nor nuthin. n she ast wuz it over between us n i sed i reckoned so only it hadnt ever truly begun.

then i tole her that i lacked kenny too much to treat him thataway. fack wuz, i lacked him more'n i did her, n i tole her twuz on a counta he wuz honest n a deep thanker n she had probly missed it. n she sed she knew he wuz smart n all, but i sed she jes wuznt a'gittin whut i wuz sayin n probly she woodnt know whut she had till she had dun lost it. n she ast did i mean me, n i sed i mint kenny.

then i sed n i wuz sorry fer her since kenny wuz purty much a'gittin tired of her n wonted to find a way out, n he had even ast me wood i take her offn his hands sos he could be free. twuz a bald faced lie, but she fell fer it n turned on her heel n tole me to go to hell. n soons i got down the road a bit, i gut to thankin i had give up on hell of a woman. but that wuz only on a counta i couldnt have her then.

they say a triangle is the strongest form in architeckchur. but ifn ye take out one side, tuther two will fall rite together. n thats whut happened. purty soon they had em a chile on the way, n next time i saw her, she wuz a usin the name laura black. n the triangle wuz broke.

life of buddy don, chaptur 42:
eli tries to start over

ifn yer payin close tenchun to everthang up to now, then you probly dun figgered out that susannah wuz the 'jew gurl' eli mentshuned in chaptur 40 whenever he tole me i wuz a'gone be in the jungle till after virgil n myra jane moved here n i met her. so ye mite could thank he wuz really moren jes crazy n mayhap thar wuz sumthin to his spirtchul powers. n thay wuz plenty times ye wood thank jes that. n the way i tole bout him gittin his disabilty up frum 10 per cent to 30 n then to 100, well, i couldnt blame ye ifn ye thought twuz the wurk of a afternoon.

but life wernt all that simple fer eli, never wuz, n thay wuz plenty times he seemed to fit brew's judgmint that he wuz a dud. he once quit his job at shoneys big boy restrunt on a counta bad treatmint, witch the thang wuz, bad treatmint wuz part of the job n everbidy knew it, but he gut to whar he couldnt stand it no more n walked off.

nex day, he called n ast wood i cum over n go fer a ride with him, witch that mint wood i git him hi, so i tole him i dint have nuthin jes then, n he sed dint matter nun, he had jes quit his job n needed to talk. i knew twuz seryus then on a counta nobidy never lacked gittin hi bettern eli.

so whenever i gut up on the nex evenin, witch twuz a thursdy, we tuck a ride n he tole me he had dun made up his mind to move to a new place n git him a new start. i ast had he dun pickt a place, n he sed he had, n twuz greenvul south carolina. so corse i had to ast him why he pickt greenvul n he sed he lacked the name. i knew bettern to ast him bout that on a counta he wood be brangin in his misticull will n all, so i ast him wuz he a'gone wait till he scored him sum of theevil weed befor he lef, n he sed he wuznt on a counta he wonted to make a new start.

even so, nex day, he tuck all his sticks n stems n converted em into powder usin mamas blender n packt him a small suitcase of cloze n dads duffl filled with books, witch twuz the same duffl i had tuck to californy with me all them years ago, n mama n me traded cars fer the trip n we loaded up mamas car n tuck off. he sold me all his records fer $100, witch i dint really wont em on a counta we dint have the same taste, but he needed the money n i could git it frum the k25 credit union, so thats whut i dun.

we drove purty slow to our furst stop, witch that wood be ashvul north carolina. we wuz a'talkin the hole way bout eli's future n whut he planned on a'doin. n he wuz splainin how he dint half to wurry over whuther he wuz a'gone make it on a counta god wuz takin care of him. we stopped in ashville n he bought him a paper to check out the wont-ads on a counta ifn thar wuz the rite job thar, he mite half to cum back n git it on a counta mayhap god dint wont him in greenvul. he had him a favert bookstore frum whenever he wuz a'wurkin in skyland n then thar wuz a hamburger stand whar he wonted to eat, so we did.

ye mite could thank he wood be a'gittin wurried bout findin a job whenever thay wuznt nuthin in ashvul fer him, but twuz jes the opposit. he wuz moren more optimistick all the time n he wuz a'sayin thangs lack he wood jes half to make it, even ifn it mint he wuz a'gone half to beg to git by.

we gut back on the rode n thar ahed of us wuz the biggest blackest storm ye ever did see, so black it looked lack we wuz a drivin frum day strate into nite. eli gut to comparin the storm to the unknowns in his future, the possbull hardships a'waitin fer him. but as we drove down out of the moutains, that storm kep to our left n purty soon we could see we wuz a'gone miss it cumpleetly. twuz a purty site n eli tole me twuz a sign frum god bout how even ifn thangs looked real bad ye had to keep faith n mayhap the storm that seems to threaten ye at ever turn is jes a'gone pass ye by.

whenever we gut to greenvul, twuz near nitefall so we drove round town n looked at everthang n twuz plane that thay wuznt much in the way of white folk livin thar n ye could see that wernt sumthin eli had calculated in advants, so he sed lets check out easly south carolina on a counta he felt lack it mite be better to git his new start in a smaller town. so thats whar we drove n seem lack rite away we run into a hotel that looked lack twood fit eli's needs to a 't' on a counta twuz deserted lookin n thar wuznt no cars parked nowhar n nobidy wuz a'sittin round on the porch nor nuthin.

i let eli out n went to park the car. he found a old lady who wuz a'sittin in a car out frunt of the place n she claimed to be the owner. the two of em wuz a'hittin it off purty good whenever i cum round to help out. at that time, eli kep his hair cut close to his scalp n he wuznt wearin no beerd. mayhap ifn i wuz a'doin the same thang, this lil story mite coulda cum out differnt. but at that time i wuz a'wearin long hair n a thick black beerd, n soons i cum up, the old lady cummenced to splainin she dint have no vacancies n that ifn she ever did, twood cost $22 a week n that all rents wuz to be paid in advants. i tride smilin at her to show i wuz harmless, but ever time i did, she wood grab a'holt of her purse a lil titer n tell eli bout whut else wuz rong bout him trine to live thar. so eli tole her he had been a'plannin on payin a munth up frunt but he dint lack to live with mean spirts n hard harts n so he couldnt verr well live in her hotel. n he sed lets go n we did, a'leevin her thar to say, 'but, but.'

so we drove back to greenvul n parked the car. by then twuz dark so we tuck out lookin fer a bar or sumthin whar young folks lacks to hang out, but as we wuz a'walkin twuz purty obveeus that the main thang folks dun in that town fer fun wuz to drive round the three main streets. n everbidy jes went rite on bein black n ye could see how that wuz makin eli nervus as could be. n we dint find no bar we lacked neethur.

while we wuz a'wonderin whut to do, we herd a couple of young guys a'talkin n one wuz a'sayin tuthern, 'i'll drink some more beer but i'm going to leave that whiskey alone.' n that made me laff n the guy sed it laffed, too. his friend cum up to us n sed dint look lack we wuz frum round thar n we add mitted we wuz new in town. n he points to me n asts did i cum frum heaven on a counta he thought i looked jes lack jesus christ n that made me n eli laff, n then i ast him wuz he the devil n he lafft even more n then he showed me how he had been branded with the devils number 666 n eli sed lets go but befor we did the guy grabbed elis shirt in such a gentle way that eli let him. n the guys sed sumthin to eli lack ye know that everbidy wuz jes dust collekted together fer a few years as a man, thats all, jes a few years, n after that, nuthin, jes plane nuthin, on a counta nothin frum nothin leeves nuthin. then a car cum up with a lode of gurls innit n thay beeped thar horn n the two guys gut into the car with em.

n eli wuz shuck up over meetin the devil, witch he sed twuz the devil hisself on a counta the devil could take inny form he wonted n he wuz a trine to brang us down n make us hopeless till we wonted to kill ourself n far as he, elias muir duncan, jr., wuz concernt, the devil dun made his point. lawsy day, but he wuz down. we walked back to our car n he wuznt sayin nuthin n ye could almost feel his fear and sadness.

then we cum to a lil convenyunts store thar n i ast did he wont a beer n suddenly he smiled n sed we should git us a six pack, so we did n went to find a hotel room fer the nite. but he wuznt the least bit happy n could barely keep his face frum fallin to the floor. he'd been hopin to find a cheep place to live while he wuz a'lookin fer a job n twuz purty clear he wuznt a'gone find one. n he had a hedache frum smokin the stems, witch i had one too but dint wonta brang that up. i had been awake fer over 24 hours by then, so i drank two of the beers n he drank four n we wuz too tired to eat. he sed next day we should move on to charleston south carolina n that wood be better.

he woke up bout 5 am n he woke me even tho i wuz feelin near ded. but he needed to talk so i gut up n he ast me how could it be that he wuz havin truble bleevin in god now even tho he wuz so shure bout him jes a lil while ago. n i tole him i often felt the same way, but he wuznt intrested in whut i wuz a'feelin on a counta i hadnt had my doors of perceptshun opened in the furst place so whut differnts could it make whut i thought? n i sed wuznt we all gods chilren n he sed we wuz ifn thar wuz a god n that wuz the point of his a'gittin me up. he sed it takes a bleef in god to make it so a bidy could have confidents bout the future n it makes the present easier to take.

then he sed twuz the devils fault n i ast did he mean the black guy frum the nite befor n he acted lack twuz a stoopid question on a counta when else had we seen the devil? n i sed wuznt it in the bibl whar frum dust ye wuz made n to dust ye shall go but that thay wuz a sole that wuz apart frum all that? n dint he have the misticull will to git it to cum in rite agin? n ifn he did, woodnt he feel rite bout thar bein a god n all? n i sed shure twuz absurd to thank thar wuz a god in a worl of such cruelty n sadness n evil, but wuznt that part of the test god gives everbidy? as ye kin see, i wuz makin stuff up bout as quick as i could talk, but twuz wurkin. he sed mayhap my doors of perceptshun wuz open n he wuz a'feelin better bout everthang.

so we went back to sleep n then gut up bout 10 n drove to columbia whar we ate. eli dint say three wurds the hole time, n twuz hard to tell ifn he wuz feelin scart or hopeful.

purty soon, we wuz in one of the purtiest towns in the worl, witch that wood be charleston. tiz a old city with sum streets of cobblestones n buildins that looked to be over a hunnert years old n the smell of the sea. thang wuz, most of the folks thar wuz black folk as well n that led him to startin to chant the same thang overn over agin: 'why oh why did i half to be taught them fears? why oh why did i half to be taught them fears?' corse, he mint fears of black folk.

we walked round fer bout three hours n twuz clear frum the instunt we gut out that thar wuznt no way he wood be a'stayin thar. then he kep sayin that the only sensibull act left him wuz suicide. i tride to remind him that he dint need to brang the end on early, that twood cum in the good time god give it, but he dint wonta here innythang bout that. he had him a situwayshun that he kinda lacked to hate havin. he couldnt stay in no town we had seen so far n he dint thank he could go back to oak ridge neethur. i could see how he felt n couldnt thank of nuthin else to say.

so i sed why dont we git us sum beer n start drivin back in the direckshun of tennessee n he agreed, mainly on a counta he really lacked beer.

so we started a'drivin back n he kep a'sayin how foolish the hole egsperients had made him feel. n i sed twuz ruff all rite but wuznt it wurth it on a counta all he wuz a'larnin? he had met the devil n cum away with his faith challenged but sill livin. n he lacked that n gut into talkin bout whut he'd sed to that devil n how the devil had seen i had the spirt of jesus in me n i sed twuz only the beerd n long hair, but he sed thar wuz sumthin that kep that devils hand frum him n that had to be it.

on the way back, we stopped in spartanburg south carolina to git a fish sandwitch frum macdonalds. we furst stopped at a gas stayshun n the attendant wuz a kindly ole man who tole us thay wuz plenty of jobs round town n cheep housin to boot. thang wuz, we had dun quit lookin, n here we cum upon jes whut we wuz a lookin fer. we drove twards macdonalds n on the way we passed a motel that wonted jes $10 a week.

then at macdonalds eli met one of the gurls thar n seemed lack she wuz sweet on him rite away n they talked while eli ate his fish sandwich n i drank my coffee. she tole him bout the town, how thay wuz three collidges n plenty of wurk n how most the folks wuz white. fack is, twuz a lot lack oak ridge. we checked that thar hotel, but they dint have no $10 rooms left. they did have one fer $18.75 a week, but eli thought that wuz too steep. then he deecided he wood save him up $200 n cum back.

corse, he never dun it. sted, we drove strate to shoneys big boy restrunt whar he sed he wonted to eat but furst thang he dun wuz apologize to the manjer n gut his job back. n he wuz trine to ack lack thangs had cum out jes lack they wuz spozed to, but i could see twernt so. he tride to smile, even to laff, but ye could see ifn ye had eyes that he wuz beat. n wurse than that, he knew it.

life of buddy don, chaptur 41:
women: the rules

i started puttin together the rules that women wurks by during my time in the jungle n i did it usin the scientific method. ye mite member that'n frum skool, but in case ye dun fergot it, here's how twurks.

1. obsurv sum part of the worl, women fer instunts
   
2. make a hype-o-thesis bout how to splain it
   
3. use yer hype-o-thesis to perdick how other parts of the worl wood ack, other women fer instunts
   
4. test yer hype-o-thesis n modify it accordin to how close yer perdickshun cum to bein rite
   
5. repeat steps 3 and 4 till ye git a perdickshun that wurks ever time.

i made many a hype-o-thesis n did lots of testin, n i cum up with a few thangs that seem lack they wurked. fack is, i cum away a'thankin thar aint all that many rules to be discovert. here's the ones i had by the time i was a'gittin out of the jungle n into a longer relayshunship.

1. ifn ye treat em real nice, theys a'gone do thar best to git away frum ye
   
2. women luv outlaws
   
3. a woman is attracted to a man who aint intrested, speshly if he treats her bad
   
4. ye cant fake bein unintrested
   
5. the sex ye wont most is the sex ye never git
   
6. the sex ye git never seems as good as the sex ye wont but cant git but in fack tiz better on a counta yer a'gittin it

here's sum of the evidents i wuz able to colleck to proov each hype-o-thesis, witch i call em rules on a counta thats how they wurks.

case of chelle armstrong, witch her real name wuz michelle only she hated it n lacked fer everbidy to call her chelle but not shelly, witch thats whut everbidy tride n it mint she had to splain her  name overn over agin: i met chelle whenever i wuz in the oak ridge mental helth clink whar she wuz a nuther payshunt. she wuz a lil on the plump side fer my taste, n i dint realize how i wuz ackshly testin a cuple them rules at once, witch they wood be numbers 3, 5 & 6. here's how't happened.

we wuz bof payshunts only fer slitely differnt reasons. i wuz sad bout losin my wife as ye mite member. she wuz sad on a counta life dint seem wurth livin n she had dun tride to end it, witch the mane thing that dun wuz give her these ugly scars on her wrists ceptn they wernt all that deep n ye could see she dint really wonta die.

i wuz never able to resist trine to hep sumbidy that wuz real down so i tride to cheer her up. thang wuz, i dint find her a tall intrestin fer a date n thats probly whut made her so crazy to git a date with me n i give in n sed ifn we ever gut out i wood take her to dinner or a movie or sumthin.

so we bof gut out n i had to make good on the promiss so i tuck her out fer dinner at red lobster n a movie only we couldnt find a movie we lacked so she ast why dint we go back to my place n i fell fer it. n purty soon we wuz sittin on the couch n she leant over n kisst me n i tuck it lack a challenge n kisst her rite back n purty soon we wuz a layin on the couch one on top tuthern n she sed she thought we needed each other n whut she mint wuz wood i do the deed with her n whenever i tuck her meanin i gut a sick feelin in my stumach n wunderd wuz thar innyway of a'gittin out of it but thar wernt.

so we wint back into my bedroom n tuck offn our cloze n gut in bed n started a'doin it n twent on fer a while without no satisfackshun on eethur end so we stopped to talk. she wuz all humiliated, witch thats the exack wurd she used, humiliated on a counta she hadnt never had a orgasm. corse that could have been a tacktick for all i know now on a counta ifn ye wuz makin rules fer men ye wood probly put one in thar bout givin em a challenge that aint possbull. but whuther twuz a tacktick or not, i fell fer't n clumb rite back up on her n tride my best to git her to have satisfackshun n twuz quite a bit of wurk befor i give it up.

so we stopped n she smoked a cigarette while we talkt. she tole me i wuz the furst white man she'd ever had inny sex with n how her daddy had been abusive to her n had made her do thangs that made her uncomfertabull n later she knew twuz rong whut he made her do. n then whenever she wuz in skool, everbidy tole her she wuz a slut on a counta how she walked, witch she did have a big behind n it give her a very sexy way of walkin, but seemed lack kids frum the valley dint have no problem with it n purty soon she gut to hangin out on the block over in scarboro n thats how she cum to have nuthin but black boyfriends.

turnt out i wuz more intrested in whut she could tell me bout her life than i wuz in havin sex with her so we talked fer the longest n she tole me lots of thangs bout the valley n life over thar, witch i wuz a'gone larn sum more bout that part of murkin life a lil later on.

then we gut back to wurk n i give it as much as i could but couldnt neethur one of us git to satisfackshun till she sed twuznt wurth trine to git hers but she could make me have  mine usin other methods, n she used one of em n twuz ok only i kept thankin i shouldnt even be thar with her on a counta i dint feel innythang fer her. but i tride to quit thankin bout that n started into thankin bout sumthin egcitin sos i could finish n purty soon i found myself tendin lack twuz darlene a'doin whut chelle wuz doin, n that gut me to finish rite away on a counta whut chelle wuz a'doin darlene woodnt never do, no how, no way. n i felt awful bout it n wisht thar wuz sum way she coulda disappeared as soon as she wuz done.

i know, twuz the sexshul revolushun n everbidy wuz a havin fun with folks they wuznt in luv with, but fer me, i couldnt git that one to take rite sumhow.

n after that, i tuck her home on a counta i sed i had to to wurk the next day, witch that wuz a lie only i dint wont her to be thar when i woke up. n thats purty much how i treated her frum then on. n seemed lack the wurser i treated her, the more she wonted me n the more thangs she wuz willin to do to proov it n thar wuz a temptayshun to try thangs with her i hadnt ever dun befor.

but i dint do nuthin but finely tell her i dint wont to see her no more n she cride n i sed twuz sumthin rong with me not her but dint matter whut i sed, purty soon i had to say i wuz a'hangin up n that made her cry all the more n then i hung up the phone.

case of martha anderson, witch she's the one i met at shoneys n dun tole ye sum about. shes a nuther'n that proovs ifn ye treat em bad they stay attracted.

case of carla, the short gurl, witch i tole her frum the furst that i dint thank i could be seryus bout a gurl that wuz so short but dint seem to make much of a impresshun on her, n she kept on trine till i had a phone call whar i tole her i dint wont to see her no more n she cride. n point is, i treated her bout as bad as ye kin do short of gittin physicully violent n seem lack she jes wonted me all the more.

no doubt thays a passel of otherns that i treated bad, probly too many to mentshun, but i reckon yer a'gittin the point. the cases above prooves rule #3 n a bit of #2 n #6. here's sum proof fer #1 n #2, witch theys the hardest to larn.

case of trudy schuler, witch she wuz gretchen schuler's older sister n her case proovs more'n one of them rules but we'll start with the furst thang she prooved. i met trudy on a counta gretchen tole me she wuz broke up with her boyfriend n could use a phone call. turnt out she wuz a'wurkin graveyards same as me only she wuz a x-ray tecknishun at the baptist hospital over n knoxvul. so i called her n she ast me did i wonta cum by n git hi befor wurk, n rite away thar wuz truble on a counta i dint ever git hi befor a'goin to wurk, but i sed i wood n i figgered ifn i went by early a nuff i wood be ok by time wurk started.

corse thangs dint wurk thataway. she wuz livin up off hillside avenue near highland n whenever i dropped by she tole me i wuznt allowed to look at the mess, witch twertn innyway not to look at it, but it tended lack i couldnt see nuthin. so i looked at her, witch she wuz verr easy on the eye bein a redhead with brite blue eyes. she wuz a lil on the skinny side but i always lacked that on a counta i wuz once tole that big breasts wuz easy to find but flat stumachs wuz hard, n she sartinly did have a flat stumach. fack is, she had a nice bidy all round.

but she dint have nuthin to smoke so i rolled us up one n lit it n after we wuz dun, she showed me sum pitchers of her fambly n splained sum of the thangs she lacked, witch seem lack she wonted to git hi more'n innythang else. n purty soon we wuz a kissin, n i wuz carrd away with emoshun befor ye could say kiss me kate. n rite away i started drivin her away with nice treatment. i called her ever nite n cum by whenever she wonted to git hi fer the next week or so. then i bought her sum flowers n sent her sum chockluts n that wuz that. nex time i called her to see when did she wonta git together agin, she wuz busy. n no matter whut time i picked out fer a date, she couldnt make it. n it hurt, but twuz proof of rule #1.

case of carmine mcmichaels, witch she wuz maisie's english teechur n maise set us up to go out n ride horses on a counta she had a horse n wuz intrested in the same stuff as me. n i tuck her out ridin n tuck her to dinner n treated her lack a queen. n then she met a guy name of scar, witch his real name wuz geoffrey cambell n he wuz a ex-con who had jes cum out of brushy mountain n wonted me to rite his story n then he met carmine n purty soon they wuz a thang n i couldnt figger whut i had dun rong. scar wuz in fer manslaughter n sum say shoulda been murder, n he had sevrul teeth missin frum his smile n a scar on his face frum his eyebrow to his chin. n she's the one taught me rule #2, not to mentshun #1.

thar wuz other cases lack crazy. thay wuz the case of this woman name of deirdre who wuz marrd n wurked at k25 n made eyes at me everday in the cafeterya n we exchanged numbers n i teased her all the time n tole her i woodnt have nuthin to do with no marrd woman, witch that wuz a lie, only twuz one frum whut i had dun larned frum martha, n that made her call me up to wurm my home number out of me till twuz a rare afternoon that we dint talk fer a bit before i fell asleep. n she wuz one of the most beautiful women i ever saw, n she helped me understand rule #5. fack is, i had more fantasies bout deirdre than i had sex with innybidy in them days, witch i never once even touched deirdre's hand. twuznt innythang more'n smiles across a cafeteria n flirtin phone calls.

thay wuz also a group of gurls in my biology class n mayhap thay wuz my best fun far as women is concerned. we wood flirt lack crazy durin labs. thay wuz five of em n i wuz the lucky guy thay lacked to tease, so they wood ast me wood i look in thar microscope only they woodnt hardly move out of the way n theyd be rubbin up agin me n makin comments on bilogickal reackshuns. n i teased em rite back but never had no intrest in a'gittin to know em inny better n they dint have no more intrest in a'gittin to know me far as i could tell, so we jes had us sum plane ole fun.

mayhap mos confusin of all wuz the case of susannah bilder, witch we went thru ever one of them rules n then cum back fer more a year later. she wuz a injuneer out at k25 n i met her one day when i noticed that seemed lack ever woman i knew had cum up to meet me. i hadnt gone after hardly a one. n in this case, i had dun larnt not to ack lack i wuz intrested whenever i saw susannah a'sittin in the cafeteria all alone. i went over n ast could i sit thar, n that led to our bein friends who met fer lunch. deirdre lacked to tease me bout her bein my next wife, but twernt nuthin but lunch fer the longest.

fack is, i dint have no intrest in susannah a tall. fer one, she wuz jewish n looked it n i hadnt never seen the beauty of that kind of woman befor. so i thought her hair wuz too frizzy n her nose to big n besides that, she had a lazy eye n sumtimes she wuz walleyed n sumtimes crosseyed but almost never straight on. n fer all them reasons, i dint have no intrest, really dint.

corse, that mint she could be intrested in me, n one day she saw me a'talkin to hindu, a black guy who wurked in food service, n she could tell me n him wuz talkin bout sumthin we shouldnt a been a'doin, witch we wuz a'goin in tughether on a quarter pound of theevil weed to keep the price down. n she herd whutever twuz she herd n purty soon she wondered why i woodnt show her round town n take her to see the atomic energy museum, n i fell fer it. turnt out she had dun conclooded i wuz a outlaw frum the conversayshun i had with hindu.

so i picked her up on a saturdy mornin n we went to the museum n then over to knoxvul fer lunch n then to a movie n then to dinner n then to play sum tennis n then over to her place whar i stayed the nite. n rite thar ye had the followin proofs:

fer rule #1, ifn ye treat em real nice, theys a'gone do thar best to git away frum ye, witch i treated her nice the next day, n we dint have a nuther date fer over a year.

fer rule #2, women luv outlaws, witch she thought i wuz a outlaw but she wuz rong n soons she figgered it out, she dint find me near as intrestin.

fer rule #3, a woman is attracted to a man who aint intrested, speshly if he treats her bad, witch i wuznt intrested a tall on a counta she dint seem all that purty to me till i dint have her no more, witch that wuz the verr next day.

fer rule #4, ye cant fake bein unintrested, witch she tuck up with a handsum but cold-hearted fella the next week or so, n suddenly i wonted her back but couldnt do nuthin but ack lack i dint care but i did n she could tell it sum kinda way.

fer rule #5, the sex ye wont most is the sex ye never git, witch the odd thang wuz whenever we wuz havin sex that furst time, dint seem lack i wuz all that intrested n wonted to stop ceptn i dint wont her to thank i dint find her attractive, ceptn i dint at that time, but fack wuz she had a verr sexy bidy n way about her n once i dint have her no more, seem lack i couldnt hardly git that one long nite of sex offn my mind n thay wuznt hardly nuthin i wonted more

fer rule #6, the sex ye git never seems as good as the sex ye wont but cant git but in fack tiz better on a counta yer a'gittin it, witch i prooved this on a counta i dint lack the sex we wuz a havin whenever we wuz a havin it, but as soon as we werent, i wisht we wuz, n by that i could see twuz better to have it than not ceptn that wuz hard to tell when ye did have it.

no doubt thays other rules n mayhap thay wurks bettern these, but i gut a lifetime's evidents bout these'uns wurkin purt much evertime.

life of buddy don, chaptur 40:
a lil life in the jungle

i often refer to the time between my furst two wives as life in the jungle on a counta how everthang was such a confused profushun n not all of it nice. tiz hard to strang together a coherunt story frum some of the stuff. truth is, when ye aint marrd ye have lots of time fer fool behavyer. i gut in plenty n mayhap the bes way to splain it is to give ye bits n pieces of it.

furst thang, theres the friends ye make. corse, thar wuz eli n brew n they wuz bof bruthers n friends. n thar wuz joe noles, only he kep a'gittin arrested so i dint see him all that regular. n thar wuz sam on a counta we wuz still a trine to make musik but mainly jes bein friends up till he becum a jew fer jesus. the two of us went round a lot together in them days. but he wuznt my only friend.

a nuther'n that tuck a lot of time wuz a guy name of martin warner, witch everbidy called him marty. i met marty at harlowes donut shop whenever i wuz wurkin swang shif. he wuz jes out of hi skool n plannin on a'goin to tennessee state on a skolarship they had fer white studints on a counta they dint have many of em. we made friends when i wuz wurkin evenins by playin tennis most all nite over on the corts off of tennessee avenue. we wuz purty evenly matched so the games wuz good.

frum that, we becum purty good friends n darlene n me wuz even considerin a'gettin one of them skolarships to tennessee state our ownselves, witch darlene turnt out to be afraid of bein round so many black folk on a counta she wuznt used toot. but we spent a few weekends a'visitin marty n his gurlfriend, witch she wuz a woman name of anny who lacked the wurd shit bettern innythang, as in she wood say, 'dont eat there, the food tastes like shit,' or 'they give us more shit to do at wurk than there is time for,' or 'dont give me any shit, marty.' we found her to be a disagreebull person, but whut ye a'gone do?

i went on many a adventchur with marty. one time we drove down to memphis to see the stones in a concert at leejun field n while we wuz thar we met sum black folk who had em sum drugs to shar n we tuck em n then they played 'brown sugar' n i gut to dancin in the heat of the evenin with the purtiest black gurl i ever seen n purty soon her boyfriend cum n gut between us n then tuck her away n when she waved at me behind his back it seemed lack it went right thru me n i wisht i coulda gut to know her better. i even dreamd bout her a time or two but i never knew her name nor innythang else bout her.

corse the main thang we dun wuz chase gurls n the wurst nite cum whenever we caught us one. happened thisaway. i wuz drivin along the oak ridge turnpike one day n a car passed me with a bumper sticker that sed 'honk if you're horny' so i caught up to see ifn i wuz intrested n the driver wuz a purty cute gurl n tuthern wuz even purtier, so i honked n they looked over n laffed n i fell in behind em n followed till the pulled into the parkin lot up by the murkin lejun. n thar names wuz nikki n diane n they wundered wood i meet em at the lejun round 2 am on fridy nite. marty wuz plannin on cumin to visit so i tole em i had a friend i wood brang n they wuz rite glad bout it.

so marty cum in n the two of us got hi n went to the coffeeshop n then drove roun till bout midnite n then we ate n then we went to the lejun. nikki wuz thar at the door n she gut us in fer free. i ast whar wuz her friend n she sed diane couldnt make it but she sed she wood be gittin off soon so could we have a drank n wait a bit. so we did n purty soon she cum out n we gut into my car. marty wuz a'drivin on a counta she was kindly lack my friend n i wuz a'gone see whuther i could sweet talk her into innythang. ackshully, i talked her into gittin in the backseat n purty soon we wuz nekkid n doin the deed only twuz bout the mos misrubull sex ever had by inny human, lease frum my side. she seemed rite pleesed with thangs n pore marty had to drive fer the longest while i wuz a trine to git dun but i couldnt n after bout two hours i finely fakt it.

we wuz over by kingstun then so we pullt into a gas stayshun n nikki went to the bathroom to cleen up. n marty wunderd wuz he a'gonna git a chants with her, n i sed that wood depend on her. so she cum back n gut in the frunt seat between us only i wuz drivin this time. she scooted over close to me n put her hed on my shoulder. n rite then i had a chants not to do whut i dun, witch wuz let him pull on her without a lookin at her once till she finely give up on me n clumb into the back seat with marty. n bout half a hour later i wuz a carryin her into her apartment n puttin her to bed, jes lack she wuz a lil chile. i even tucked the covers n tole her a story bout the animuls in the jungle. n she went to sleep while i wuz a tellin it so i left.

when i got out to the car, marty wuz all fired up bout the misticull meanin of whut we had jes dun. he wuz talkin bout the path of excess that leeds to enlitement, but he quit whenever he could see i wuznt goin fer it. n he sed he could see how sad my life wuz n he wuz so glad he had anny. n i ast him wuz he a'gone tell anny bout nikki? but i knew the anser. but he claimed it dint matter on a counta she understood the path of excess n how twurked with the misticull path.

fack is, twuz a time of misticull thoughts, speshly on a counta eli a'goin thru his transformayshun n the way he acted after tall. he gut to whar he bleevd he could member the future n bleevd he could fly n tell whuther folks wuz more spirtchul, physicull or emoshunull jes by a'lookin at the lines in thar eyes. n he wuz a'reedin everthang he could bout that kinda stuff, frum kerkegaard to nietzshe to alan watts to meister eckhart to aldous huxley to rimbaud n baudelaire n he cum away with a confusin mix of idees that almos fell together.

but it led to truble, as ye mite could magine. he gut to whar he wuz speekin in tongues n daddy sed one day the phone rang n he anserd it n the hole conversayshun wuz in gibberish. he never figgered out who had called. but eli claimed that innybidy who had dun had thar doors of percepshun opened wuz a'gone be visted by spirits bof good n evil n wuz a'gonna larn to speek in tongues n he sed the proof wuz whut happened at pentacost.

this made daddy laff, but eli cum back with sumthin that stopped him. twuz a evenin when jes eli n daddy wuz home n eli tole daddy he wuz wurried bout whut he mite could do sumday. n daddy give him the reglar treetmint, witch he wonted to git a argumint a'goin n then switch sides n all only that wuz a game eli never cared for n never played. in sted he tole daddy to shut his trap fer a mint n splained that twuz all he could do sum evenins to keep frum a'gittin up n takin the butcher knife to him on a counta them same doors of percepshun that let the angels in n larnt him how to speak in tongues also let in the demons and even the devil his ownself, n whenever they cum in, they gut to wurkin on gittin eli to do sumthin awful.

daddy later tole me that one nite he woke up on a counta thar bein a lite in the kitchen n then he herd eli in thar a'lookin thru the knives n twuz such a shock that even daddy wuz scairt. he wuznt the kind of man to take a challenge lyin down, so he gut up n went to cunfront eli but whenever he stepped into the kitchen, the lites wuz doused. he figgered twuz eli a'lookin fer a chants to git him so he dropped n rolled n gut to whar he wuz safe n turnt the lites back on. n thar wernt nobidy thar. so he went downstars to check wuz eli thar, n he wuz sound asleep n daddy tride to wake him up, but he wuz ded to the worl n couldnt be stirred a tall. n daddy wuznt the kind to bleev in thangs that ye couldnt proov so whenever he tole me this, twuz a friteful prospeck.

one day eli cum over to mamas n tole us he could fly n to proov it, he jumped frum the carport, witch twuz about two stories up frum the back yard, whar he landed n twisted his ankle up purty good. he claimt he could heal it a'usin spit n sum grass, witch he plucked sum blades frum whar he fell on a counta he sed they wuz sorry fer hurtin him. n that led to daddy a'takin him down to peninsula hospital out alcoa highway.

i went to visit him n he tole me he wuz a'gone be out the next day only they wuz a'gone put him in oak ridge mental hospital, witch i had dun been thar by then. i ast him how did he know he wuz a'gittin out n he tole me he could member the future n that wuz whut he memberd. he tole me i could member the future too on a counta us bein spirtchul twins but i couldnt never git it to wurk. ye kin tell that by whut yer readin on a counta ifn i could member sum the stuff frum the future i lackly woodnt a made so many miss takes.

but he gut out jes lack he sed he wood n they tuck him to ormhc n he stayed thar fer a week or two n cum out jes as crazed as he went in. while he wuz in, we had a fambly council, witch that wuz a idee daddy cum up with whenever we wuz jes lil n he planned on a'havin one ever week only we quit after havin bout three of em n then went years without em. but he called one n everbidy wuz thar.

thang wuz, whut kin ye do in a sitchuwayshun lack that? ye kin talk n try to cast the blame somewhar itll stick. mama blamed drugs but bof brew n me dint give that'n much time on a counta everbidy wuz a'doin all the same drugs n only eli wuz a'gittin all crazed lack that. n maisie sed twuz on a counta he wuz a scairt of bein hurt, witch she wuz probly rite all long bout that. n seemed to me lack he wuz lazy, n brew sed he wuz a dud n ye had to face facts that in life thar wuz duds jes lack in cars thars lemons. n purty soon thar wuz a fuss n fite, so brew n me left.

twuz a fridy nite so i called marty in nashvul n ast did he wont cumpny fer the weekend n he did so i drove down thar. turnt out he wuz into the same misticull mumbo jumbo that eli wuz a spoutin n he wonted me to go here n turn thar all on whutever whim he wuz a feelin at the time. n purty soon we had us a good fuss n fite a'goin on a counta i tole him i thought followin them whims led ye to places lack peninsula n ormhc. n he reminded me bout the trip to memphis n the stones n the beautiful gurl i had danced with n wuznt that jes followin yer whims? n i ast him whar did it lead on a counta i never saw her agin n sides that twernt mint fer me to git hooked up with a black gurl on a counta all the problems that wood make fer us. ifn i coulda membered the future i woodnt a sed that! then he sed i wuz a bigot n i sed he wuz a'gettin soft in the hed n ifn the path of excess wuz it n anny knew it, then he should tell her bout nikki n ifn he woodnt, i wood n that right thar ended that friendship.

eli gut out purty soon after that n i wuz the one who picked him up to take him home. we tuck a drive n gut hi furst, n i splained bout whut had happened with marty. n he sed twuz bout time i saw thru marty n i sed whut did he mean n he sed he could see that marty wuz stuck in the physicull worl by the way his eyes wuz. n i sed that wuz bullshit but then he sed he bet marty bleevd ye could git to enlitenment by excess. n that struck me dum, as they say.

then he ast did i member how he could member the future n i wunderd how i could member sumthin i never knew but i only sed i membered him a'tellin me that. n he sed he memberd that i wuz a'gonna wunder in the jungle fer a nuther year till after virgil n myra jane moved here n i had met the jew gurl, witch i couldnt make no sense of that. so i ast him how did he know bout them n he sed he membered they wuz cumin on a counta twuz in the future.

'but ye dont have to wurry bout it, bro, on a counta im jes crazy, rite?'

life of buddy don, chaptur 39:
a gift of silver

in the fall of 1975 mama n daddy had thar 25th weddin anniversry. i wuz a'livin at home then, witch i dun already splained that, n i decided i wood make em a present they woodnt never fergit n trick daddy into smokin sum of theevil weed into the bargin n heres how i dun it.

furst thang i dun wuz to rite em a song, witch i called it 'a gift of silver' n the wurds went sumthin lack this here:

she wuz a poor gurl frum the cumberlund mountins
born jes in time to see her daddy die
she run away when her mama remarried
she was too young to know twuz goodbye

she never saw the door to the hi skool
she had to make her own way
she wurked in truck stops up n down the county
jes a'livin her life frum day to day

wuznt she the furst i ever touched?
wernt her brests the furst i ever tasted?
wuznt her luv the furst thang i ever knew?
wuznt it the furst i ever wasted?

he wuz a soljer jes home frum the war
wastin his time in the truck stop life
he'd had his fill of them part time evenins
he wuz lookin fer a full time wife

they met each other by the stranges coincidents
i guess ye mite call it fate
they luved n fought thar way thru 25 years
n neethur one of em thanks tiz too late

sum mite say, thar life wuz bland
sum mite say, twuz jes a bore
but the put the universe rite in my hand
how could innyone ast fer more?

then i made em a invite that sed thar present wood be thar fer em on a sartin fridy nite when i made shore thay wuznt nobidy else speckted home. n then i made em a program fer the concert i wuz a'gone sang em, kindly lack a church program combined with a himnal on a counta i put in the wurds to the songs. corse, i picked a a fridy nite so everbidy wuz off the next day, n the invite sed they wuz to cum down round 9 pm after i wuz awake n washed n all.

so they cum down to the room that brew n me wuz a'sharin n we talked a bit. i tole em whut i wonted to give em wuz a egsperients they woodnt never fergit n that to make shure twuz sumthin that stuck out in thar memries, i ast em wood they git hi furst. n whenever they dint git whut i mint, i ast em wood they smoke sum of theevil weed.

well, ye kin jes magine how daddy tuck that. he dint know that mama had dun been smokin theevil weed fer ever since brew n me moved back in, n she acted lack she wuz jes as shocked as he wuz. but ye could also see that daddy wuz powerful curyas to know whut all the fuss wuz about. so i mentshuned bout how ye need to see tuther side of a argumint ifn ye a'gone beat it n the one part of the eternul argumint over theevil weed that he woodnt never try wuz to see whut twuz lack to git hi.

mama jumped in here to say she wuz brave a nuff to give it a try n that went strate to daddy on a counta he wuz always proud bout how brave he wuz. so i loaded up that meersham pipe virgil give me with sum colombian redbud, witch whenever that colombian stuff cum out twuz stronger'n innythang we had ever dun smoked n it drove the price up to $35 a ounce. i lit it n offert it over to mama n she acted lack she dint know whut to do, so i put the pipe out n splained bout how ye tuck a toke with lots of air n held it purty much as long as ye kin, witch she dun knew all that.

n then i put on sum marty robbins on a counta i knew daddy couldnt hardly resist them kinda songs, n i promisst that ifn he tuck a few puffs off'n the pipe, he wood hear thangs in the musik he hadnt never herd befor.

twuz a nuff fer mama. she grabed the pipe n lit it up n tuck her a big ole toke n offert it to daddy, n ye could see he wuz sorely tempted n confused. he resisted fer two tokes, but on the thurd he sed, 'whut the hell, lets git this over with,' lack he wuz jes a'doin it so we could git to the nex part of the program.

purty soon that pipe wuz dun n daddy wuz astin when he wood feel innythang n that made mama laff n then she sed she felt lack she mite be a'feelin sumthin n then daddy sed could we all be quite on a counta marty robbins wuz sangin el paso. n that made mama n me laff so hard i had to start the song back over agin. n we gut reel quite n listend bout as keeful as ye kin n twuz the furst time i ever member us listnin to a song thataway.

n when twuz over, daddy sed, 'ever good song tells a story.' n then he went on bout how that made cuntry so much better'n rock n roll, witch that wuz a ole argumint we used to have. i wuz tempted to ast him could he take tuther side of it, but i knew that wood leave mama out n purty soon twood jes be the two of us a makin our points n arguin till we wuz too tired to go on.

so i ast em wuz they reddy fer the concert n they sed they wuz so we went upstars n i played em four of five of my best songs, witch thay wuz thangs lack 'wurkin the graveyard' n 'purty ugly cuntry' n 'and now shes gone.'

n then i ast em wuz they feelin hi yet, n mama sed yes n daddy sed no, so i tole em i had sumthin speshul a'cumin up, so they agreed to go back downstars n burn anuther lil bowl.

n this time daddy sed he mite be a'feelin sumthin, so we went back upstars n i sang em that new song. n mama cride n daddy sed he had sumthin in his eye n then they made me sang it agin n then i sed i had to leeve on a counta i wuz still a wurkin midnites n i woodnt be able to sleep till the next day.

but the bes part wuz later on when i ast mama whut daddy had thought bout the evenin, n she thought i mint did he lack gittin hi, so she tole me she had sumthin to cunfess n i ast her whut. she ast me wuz i a'gonna be mad n i sed i couldnt ritely say till i knew whut twuz she had dun. so she splained that the next nite, after i had dun gone out, she ast daddy did he wonta see could he git hi, n she wuz sprized whenever he sed why not? so they borrowed my pipe n a bowlful n smoked it. n they listend to sum musik.

then they went upstars n daddy ast wuz mama tired n she sed she wuznt n he ast did she wonta go to bed innyway. so they did n whenever they wuz a'takin off thar close, daddy sed to mama, 'i thank i see why the young'ns lack this stuff so much.'

far as i know, they never smoked it agin. but frum then on, daddy had a new way of arguin agin theevil weed, witch he sed it seem lack twood make a bidy lazy n fat. n i dint have a anser fer that'n, not then n not now.

n mama tuck sumthin frum it n years later, after i had dun made a mess of my life, she splained it to me thisaway. she sed thay wuz 2 kinds of peeple in the worl, them that collecks thangs n tham that collecks egsperients, n i wuz in the second bunch. n it seemed lack she wuz a'sayin that the furst wuz the better bunch on a counta at lease whenever they died they had sumthin to leeve behin. so i ast her whuther twooda been better ifn ida give em a silver goblet or sumthin fer thar 25th weddin anniversry n that gut her to thankin.

'no,' she sed, 'twuz better lack twuz on a counta twuz a gift of silver that we never forgot, not even when yer daddy wuz in that last hospital.'

so i ast wuz it better fer me that i wuz in the second bunch, n she sed she dint thank so, lessn i could find away to make the egsperients into silver.

n thats whut i been trine to do ever since.

life of buddy don, chaptur 32:
eli's transformayshun

daddy always bleeved that folks is born with thar persunalty purty much set. that dint mean they dint need instruckshun n discplin n a spankin now n then, but how a person cums out of the womb is purty much how that person is a'gone be.

fer instunts, whenever we wuz lil, daddy lacked to play this game called 'fall back.' he wood take one of us whenever we wuz jes barely able to walk n he wood hold us up in his arms n tell us to 'fall back.' bein the oldest, i wuz furst to play, n i threw myself back as soon as he sed it n twuz all he could do to keep me frum a'hitting the floor. brew wuz the thurd son, but he wuz the only other'n that wood 'fall back.' thang wuz, he wood lean back real keerful lack n whenever he wuz sartin that daddy wuz a gone catch him, he wood fall back, only twuz more lack leanin than fallin. n corse eli had to be differnt frum us bof. whenever daddy wood say 'fall back' to eli, he wood grab daddy round the neck n squeeze fer all he wuz wurth.

ye might could say eli wuz a keerful chile, but that dint keep him frum a'gittin hurt time n agin. thay wuz the time daddy tuck him up on the obed river. daddy had dun tuck me on a counta me bein oldest. he tuck each one of us boys up to the obed river system whenever he figgered we wuz big a nuff to make it.

whenever twuz eli's turn, thangs dint go so well. fer one thang, eli dint much care fer fishin. fer a nuther, he tole daddy rite away that thar wuznt no fish in the stream on a counta ye could see to the bottom of it n thay wuz no fish innywhar. eli wuz rong bout that on a counta them fish dont make it easy to see em, but ye kin catch em, witch daddy proovd that bout as quick as he could git his line wet. eli refused to fish, but he tuck the stranger with that fish n pulled it round after daddy up n down daddy's creek, witch daddy woodnt take us to the ackshul obed river till we wuz bigger.

n purty soon they cum to this old sand bar, n the fishin wuz good, so daddy stuck with that place fer a while, fishin n smokin n jes enjoyin the outdoors. eli found him a lil hole in the ground whar sum yella jackets had dun made thar nest, n he had to start a messin with it. he tride to cover it up with the fish, but purty soon them yella jackets wuz all over that fish n all over eli too. twuz a murkle daddy gut him out without him a dyin, witch daddy only gut stung once n that wuz frum a wasper that had got into the car. eli gut stung so many times that they quit countin once they gut up to a hunnert. they put him in a cold bath with bakin soda, n he cum thru it ok.

but twoodnt be the last time he had a acksident. thay wuz a nuther time down at the bowlin alley whar the two of us wuz playin tag n he turnt to git away n crashed thru a plate glass winder. they give him over a hunnert stitches, n tho he had him a scab lace over his arms n neck n back, he cum thru it ok.

he wuz the only one to git newmonia, n they tuck him to the hospital n kep him thar fer near two weeks. mama sed he nearly died on em n thay wuz momints when he wuz out of his hed n talkin to the angels. at the time twuz thought he wuz so close to dyin that they cum to git him. corse later on, folks wood change thar pinions bout that kinda thang.

he cum thru a lot all right, n the wurst had to be the bike acksident. here's how it happened.

whenever we wuz a'growin up, eli n me went everwhar n did everthang together. he wuz a crackjack shortstop on a counta we wood git up ever mornin n play sumthin we called 'double play.' way twurked wuz i wood throw a hard grounder to eli n he wood scoop it up n peg the ball to me lack i wuz the second baseman n i wood chuck it rite back at him as if he wuz furst baseman. then he wood throw me a hard grounder n i wood grab it n pitch him the ball n then catch it whenever he threw it back, n then we wood start all over. he might coulda played in the majurs ceptn he had such bad luck.

he wuz bettern me at fieldin the ball, speshly grounders, n thay wuznt no shortstop lack him innywhar around. thay wuz times when he wood take care of the hole lef hand side of the infield, frum third base to tuther side of second. nuthin could ever git by him, n ole men gut to talkin bout him n callin him 'shure thang.'

then one evenin we wuz ridin our bikes down to the field n he hit a rock n cum down teeth first on the curb. knocked out three front permanunt teeth, n that wuz the end of his baseball career. he could still git innythang hit on the ground, could still throw as hard n strate as innybidy frum innywhar, but when it cum to battin, he wuz a strike out ever time. no matter whar the ball wuz thrown, he wood lean back n flail at it till he wuz struck out n then he wood throw the bat n sumtimes say thangs that wood make mama blush n go find a switch.

fer years after that, he woodnt say a wurd without holdin his hand over his mouth.

but the acksidents dont half cover it. truth be tole, eli wuz always a lil differnt. he wuz quickest to make ye laff, n quickest to say sumthin smart back to daddy. he could make mama laff whenever she wuz so mad at daddy she could spit, n once she wuz laffin, thay wuz no way fer the fuss n fite to continue.

n he wuz smart, much smartern folks let on till they had em these egspurts cum to the skool to test everbidys iq. mama n daddy wuz called down to the skool to discuss the results on a counta thar kids had the highest two scores. n the sprize wuz that eli's wuz the highest in the skool by a hole lot. mine wuz second, n the shock thar wuz that i gut better grades than he dun. turnt out he wuz bored. they tride to put him forward a grade, but he woodnt have it.

eli gut out of high skool in 1971 n tuck a job as busboy down at shoneys big boy restrunt. he wuz good at it, n purty soon, they wood let him bus tables n then wash the dishes, n he had this way of keepin a rhythm so ye couldnt hardly git him to fall behind.

then thar cum a evenin when he had jes gut off n thay wuz sum boys a'waitin to jump him n take his money n his bag of theevil weed. thay wuz three of em, but twuz only one who tride to push him round, n eli let him doot. but afterds, he wuz mighty sore, mainly at his ownself.

n that led to him a'joinin the army, witch he joined it on a counta he bleevd he woodnt be fraid no more once he larned how to fite n kill. he tuck his basic trainin at fort knox n lack ye might magine, he dun well on ever test they give him till he wuz in ait in indianapolis a larnin jurnalism. n that gut him into truble n out of the army befor a year had passed.

whut happened wuz the class wuz made to innerview a genrul, witch he wuz about to retire n wonted to see whut folks wood make of his career. so eli rote a piece that the teechur called the best piece of unpublishbull jurnalism he had ever seen. we puzzled over that'n bout 'unpublishable jurnalism' on a counta that dint seem to make much sense. i reckon thars a kind of censorship they need even in a democracy with free speech, tho tiz hard to splain.

n smart as he wuz, eli dint unnerstand it inny bettern we did, so he tuck the story n put it up on the bulltin bords. n that made the genrul mad on a counta the story showed whar the genrul wuznt intrested in much besides golf n money n the two homes he had dun bilt fer him n his wife.

they say a hit dog hollers, n that genrul followed the rule n tride to git eli punished fer whut he had writ. thang wuz, whenever eli joined the army, he gut him a promiss frum the recrooter that he woodnt have to go to veet nam. lack a lot of smart folks, eli had truble maginin that folks mite lie to him to git sumthin, so he missed the lie that recrooter tole him n he only gut wind of it when he gut orders a'sendin him to veet nam.

n eli attacked rite back. twuz 1972 n thay wuz boys cumin hom in body bags near everday, so eli cum up with sum stories bout a guy called 'stubby,' witch twuz a soldjer frum veet nam who had dun had his hands blown off n the stories wuz bout his advenchurs a trine to git a ride by holdin up his stumps to hitchhike or trine to git a job, showin how he could use his stubs to wipe tables n thangs lack that. eli wood rite up a story n make copies of it n put it on them bulltin bords.

n befor ye could say jimmy crack corn, they sent eli to walter reed n give him lecktrick shock treatmints. n purty soon, he cum out with a honorbull discharge on medicull grounds on a counta they sed he wuz 10 per cent disabled on a counta of havin chronic skizofrenia. later on they bumped it up to 30 per cent n added the wurd paranoid.

that wuz good fer bout $100 a munth n sum pills he could trade fer all kinda other drugs. so he n brew n brew's bes friend oscar clowder moved over to skyland north carolina n gut em jobs on a assembly line makin car seats n other accessries fer cars. i member visitin them. they wuz livin in a trailer n twuz filthy as ye might speck frum three boys. they wuz jonesin fer sum of theevil weed n i brung em a lil n we tuck a walk sos we could enjoy the beauty of the place, witch twuz amazin n a good place fer sumbidy lack eli to have a transformayshun.

mayhap he wood never have had it ifn oscar hadnt had to go home to give his mama a nuff money to pay thar morgage, n ifn oscar wuz a'goin, then brew wuz too, so eli wuz left alone in that filthy trailer in them beautiful mountains. n that's whar it happened.

his transformayshun is a legend in the fambly now. the way eli tells it, he wuz spoke to by god fer two days n nites n he dint have to eat or drank or sleep or even take a piss durin the hole time. god cum to him in the form of letters that wuz a'burnin in the air, n they tole eli whut wuz true n whut he wood have to do. sum of the thangs he wuz tole wuz sprizin. fer instunts, he wuz tole that god had dun put thangs in the worl lack theevil weed n tubacka n likker n coffee n tea n poppys n mushrooms n all tuther thangs that folks gits a high frum. n he dun it to help folks wake up. corse, twernt as simpla as ye might could hope. thang wuz, the verr thangs god put here to wake folks up could put em back to sleep ifn they tuck too much or tuck em fer too long. n god dint wont folks to be eatin meat or hordin money or bein cruel or even killin in wars. n most of all, god dint wont folks to be a'trine to git em more n more material thangs.

eli wuznt never the same agin. he give up everthang he had n walked all the way home frum skyland, witch that wuz quite a feat n he woodnt let innybidy give him a ride on a counta he wuz sartin walkin home wuz whut god wonted him to do. n he tride to help folks ever chants he gut.

but twernt easy. he purty soon had to git wurk, n that mint shoneys big boy restrunt. but dint nobidy wont to hear him. they had dun seen folks 'git the call,' as twuz put, n they wuznt all that imprest by it. fer one, everbidy could member the way they carrd jimmy lomax out of the restrunt whenever he gut the call. he wuz a twitchin n screamin n a carryin on lack he wuz crazy, n next thang ye know, he wuz preechin down to the pentacostals or the church of christ or the baptists or sumbidy. so dint nobidy wont to hear innythang eli wonted to preech to em.

so purty soon eli went back to the vetruns adminstrayshun n tole em he wuz havin truble with the label they dun give him. eethur it had to be 0 per cent or 100 per cent on a counta nobidy wonted to take a chants on sumbidy that wuz even part crazy. n then he commenced to tellin how he had dun had his transformayshun, n he ast them did they thank twuz possbull that god had quit a'talkin to folks n doin mirkles n all. n did they bleev whar god talked bout demons n angels n how they could possess folks n talk to em. n he ast did they thank twuz possbull that a man could git a relijun a'goin in this day n age ifn he sed he had to sacrifice his first born son? or wood they say he wuz crazy n lock him up? or whut about if a man sed he had talked to a burnin bush that claimed to be god?

they wonted to put him in murfreesboro but eli ast em did they ever read the bibl. n sum kinda way, he shamed em into givin him 100 per cent n not makin him go to the va hospital. so he gut the 100 per cent n the extry money that cum with it, witch twuz easy to talk bout how awful material thangs wuz once he had a nuff gummint money ever munth to pay his rent n groceries n light bill n all. but thats whut he dun.

n he tuck to ritin pomes n to preechin to innybidy that wood listen. n he wuz a changed man.

but he wernt changed much. since he had a nuff money, he dint have to wurk or be respecktabull, so he egspearminted with ever drug he could find. n he wood waste his money till he had to borrow frum me n brew. n he wood even take wurk lack house sittin fer ant sary. one evenin brew n me tuck him by ant sary's. twuz round midnight n the house wuz dark. he woodnt git out of the car till we sed we wood go turn on the lites. so we did n then he lef. brew wuz drivin n he started laffin. i ast whut wuz so funny, n he sed nuthin wuz. 'but face it, bud. our bruther is a dud.'

daddy lacked to say he wuz lazy, but twuz maisie, the baby of the fambly, who caught that lie. whut a shock twuz whenever she spoke up n contradickted daddy!

'he aint lazy, daddy. he's scared.'

darlene n me wuz over to the house fer dinner n to talk bout whut should we do bout eli whenever maisie sed that. n we all got quite n kindly hunched fer the slap we thought wuz a cumin to maisie. n daddy lifted his hand, but he dint slap her. he stroked her hed n sed she wuz rite. she wuz sprized, almost lack she had made a lucky guess on a quiz or sumthin. but twernt that.

'yer rite, maze. he wuz born thataway.'

bloggered!

i jes finished riting chaptur 32, eli's transformayshun, but i tride to edit sumthin n suddenly thar wuz no blogweaver. twuz astin did i wonta save whut i had dun, n i sed i did, but nuthin wuz saved. so i lost the hole days wurk! n i reckon i'll have to rite that chaptur over agin, but now thars a guy has to go to wurk, n i cant git my fangers to the keybird when he's not around.

gone fishin

whoever tiz that makes all this stuff up is a'fixin to go on a lil vacayshun fer sum fishin. so thar wont be nuthin new here fer the nex lil while. apolgies fer that. since this thang wuz started, witch that wuz on june 13, thay aint been a day missed till tumorra, n by then sumbidy'll be halfway home to tennessee fer a week.

life of buddy don, chaptur 38:
the short life of becky turner

whenever i wuz larnin to drive frum mr deeanjello, the wurst thang bout it wuz the way he got all upset on a counta i had to larn how to doot befor i could doot rite, so once i gut back to tennessee, i made it a point of showin all my bruthers n sisters how to drive. i speck larnin frum daddy could be dangerus, so startin with eli, i wurked my way down to maisie.

whenever me n brew had to give up the house in kingston n move back into mamas, maisie wuz jes about to turn 16. the two of us had a speshul relayshunship on a counta i wuz the oldest n she the youngest n thay wuz many a time i wuz lef in charge n had to uphold fer her till she gut to whar she could uphold fer her ownself. n frum that we had a speshul closeness that tutherns dint.

i member whenever we wuz lil befor i had lef home, we used to play sumthin called the 'tickle test.' the way it wurked wuz i wood hold her down n ast wuz she reddy n whenever she sed she wuz, i wood cummence to ticklin her n i wood keep on till she gut to whar she wudnt laffin inny more. i spoze twuz a cruel game to play lookin back on it now, but she lacked to doot, so we did. thang wuz, she dint trust innybidy else so much that she wood let em tickle her.

seem lack she wuz rite proud of me also, n whenever they had em open house at her skool, she wood ast me to cum, n i did, n twuz a bit odd that she ast me but she never ast nobidy else, not even mama or daddy.

as ye mite know, carbide in them daze had em sumthin called the savings plan. best i kin member, way it wurked wuz ye could put in up to a sartin percentage of yer earnins to the program n carbide wood match whutever ye put in. then ever two years it paid off, n everbidy knew when twuz about to happen, n thay wood be sales at downtown oak ridge n ye could git ye loans so ye could have yer money early, n the hole place wuz reddy fer it whenever it cum.

it paid off in the summer i wuz livin at home, so i deecided i wood git me a nuther motorsickle. twooda been better to git sum kinda portable keyboard, mayhap a rhodes lectrick peeano, but seem lack i never made the sacrifices ye wood have to make ifn ye wonted to be a sangin star, so i spent sum the money on a motorsickle n deecided i wood use the rest to record a album, witch that plan dint wurk out, n i dint git my furst album reecorded till 2001. but thems thangs ye kin see lookin back that aint so obveeus a goin forwurd.

innywho, i gut me that motorsickle, n seem lack maisie wonted to be perched on the back of it jes bout whenever i wood let her. that purty much mint weekends on a counta me wurkin graveyards, n thay wuz times folks probly thought she wuz my gurlfrien she rode with me so much. n we gut a lot closer durin that time.

fack is, she gut to whar she wonted me to know her bes frien, n that wood be becky turner, witch she lived way out on the west end of oak ridge on a counta her folks had money, but becky never ackted lack she wuz no bettern nobidy. she also tole me bout a lot of uther thangs a'goin on in her skool, n twuz purty clear she wuz a'gonna git into usin drugs purty soon, so we talked that'n out in grate deetail.

thang is, ye couldnt git the truth frum them that owed it to ye, witch that wood be our gummint. in sted of tellin the truth, they wuz trine to find sumthin rong with pot n to do that, they had to make sum thangs up. n once kids figgered out they wuz line, then thay wernt no reason to bleev em when they wuz a'tellin the truth, witch the truth is that sum of the drugs on the street is much more dangerus than otherns.

so i tole maisie that she could probly smoke pot ok, but she had better never try thangs lack heroin or morfiend or angel dus or ye name it, i mentshunned it, n i had tride mos of em by then. i tole her fer me the downer side of thangs wuz useless on a counta i jes went rite to sleep n never enjoyed em. n even tho i wuz always a bit on the hyper side of thangs, i kindly lacked the speedy drugs. but long story short, i tole her twood be better ifn she insisted on gittin hi if she did it in a place that wuz safe n with sumbidy that wood keep her frum freakin out, n she wonted me to show her, so i did.

so she larnt how to git hi frum me, n purty soon she wonted to show becky how to doot, n that mint we gut to whar we wuz hanging out, the three of us, mos ever fridy n saterdy nite.

now ye mite could wunder why i wood wonta hang out with my lil sis n her frien. thang is, even when i wuz livin the wildest part of my life, a part of me wuz always a'wontin to turn frum that n walk the strate n narrow path. n maisie n becky wuz young n innocent n all, n it gut me to thankin bout livin a better life n all.

corse, it helped that maisie's frien becky wuz so purty. she had hair that wuz so far on the red side of brown that now n then ye wood thank twuz red. n she wuz as sweet as a purson kin git, n ye could tell she wuz sweet on me. n i wuz sayin to myself that she wuz jes the kind of a gurl i should be thankin bout on a counta she wuz not only purty n lots of fun but also smart n seryas bout life n death n the hereafter.

thang she lacked to do bes whenever we wuz a gittin hi wuz to drive out to the graveyard near the old solway bridge, witch they hadnt torn it down then. thay wuz a speshul gravestone she luvd the best, witch it had three angels on it.

we wood drive out thar round midnight n wood find our stone n sit on three sides of it, one of us pointin east, one south, n one west. n we wood pass us a joint n talk bout whuther thay wuz ghosts thar in that graveyard n whuther ye git life after death, n that kinda thang. n sumtimes we wood lie on our backs on the graves n look at the stars n wunder ifn them ghosts had the same view we wuz a'gittin.

n sumtimes we wood stay at home n listn to music n purty soon becky wuz a'wontin to dance, n maisie wood tease me till i danced with her. n then becky wuz a wontin to larn kissin, so we practiced that a time or two, n i had to add mitt, she dint need much teachin, n fack is, she wuz on the verge of becumin a woman, lack a tite lil rosebud that wuz a fixin to burst into bloom, n the beauty that wuz unfoldin in her wuz sumthin to behold.

fack is, i wuz a'tellin myself i should wait fer becky to grow up a lil n then i should set my sites on her. we gut to whar we wuz havin us loads of fun ever weekend, n thay wuz times i wuz glad maisie wuz with us on a counta thangs coulda got out of hand otherwise. n becky gut to whar she wood joke bout her n me a'gittin marrd sumday. we wood be sittin out under that gravestone n lookin at the stars n talkin, n fer a joke, she wood ast wood i wait fer her n i wood tell her i wuz dun alreddy a'waitin. n they wood both laff so twuz played fer a joke but i thank we wuz both serius.

twernt to be, tho, on a counta maisie gut ast to the prom n after she n her beau had dun been toot n the dinner after, they drove out to the parkin place tween oak ridge n olver sprangs, n whenever they wuz dun thar, they drove back up illinois avenue, n rite at the top of the hill, they met thar fate when a drunk run the redlite as they wuz crossin hillside n broadsided em. killt em both.

maisie ast me wood i cum to the funeral with her, n of corse i dun it. twuz a awful thang on a counta all the chilren frum the hi skool wuz thar, n twuz a rude way to larn that ye gone half to die sumday. i cant figger how they gut her to lookin so good. ye wood thank she wuz jes restin her eyes n wood open em inny mint. n thay wuz more crine n carryin on than i had ever seen befor.

best of all, whenever they buried becky, twuz within site of that gravestone she luvd so well. n maisie n me knew she wuz glad twuz thar they put her.

even so, maisie tuck it hard, n seemed lack all i could do fer her wuz to take her out to that same gravestone, whar we wood sit n smoke n wunder bout the brevity of life.

n thay wuz times when it seem lack becky wuz thar with us, n moren once it give us a chill. n maisie ast me did i thank becky wuz still alive n still able to here us. n i tole her i doubted it n i gut to talkin bout biolgy n fizicks n all. n then i herd she wuz a crine, so i changed my tune n sed i figgered she wuz with us rite then.

n we gut quite as could be till we could here the creakin of the trees as they bent in the breeze. n we thought we could here sumthin else, sumthin ye couldnt quite place. n maisie sed she could here becky n couldnt i here her too. n i looked at maisie's lil face n the tears that wuz still porin frum her eyes, n i tole her becky hadnt never left us a tall n she wuz thar even then. n i knew i wuz line, but twuz fer a good reason.

then thar cum a sudden crash of thunder, n we both nearly jumped out of our skin, but then we held hands n whenever it cummenced to rain, we dint do nuthin but sit thar till we wuz compleetly soaked.

life of buddy don, chaptur 37:
the jew fer jesus

whenever i had jes clumb outta my car into the rain on that awful nite, i fell down on my knees n thanked the lord fer lettin me live. i had a bonus life n i knew it n no matter how low i mite feel, i wood always thank back on that nite. n sumtimes i wood even drive out to that tree n touch its wound, witch twuz hardly a scratch n my car wuz ded. i later saw the hulk of that car skwushed up to nuthin ridin thru oak ridge on the back of a truck.

so that tree wuz strong n whenever i wuz feelin too weak or down, i lacked to visit n touch it. n seem lack whenever i did, twood set me rite n i wood know thar had to be a reason i wuz alive. i wood look at my fangers n thank bout whut wunders they is n how amazin the presents everbidy gut on thar furst birthday, n i mint thangs lack eyes n ears n such. tiz a miracle.

in them daze i thought the reason god kep me alive wuz on a counta the way i could rite songs. i wood play fer innybidy that wood come over. since i dint have no way of movin my peeano to play in places that dint have em, i purty much only played at home or at that coffee shop. n whenever eli cum over, i wood make him listn, n after a while he tole a frien of his about me n he cum over n wonted to start a band.

he wuz a jew name of sam coen n he wuz jes 18 n seem lack he wuz jes a kid. n he gut to whar he wood follow me round n whenever i moved from kingston to oak ridge, he wuz happy on a counta he lived thar too.

he played acoustic guitar n fack wuz, we never could play out together on a counta the peeano problem n he dint have a amp yet, witch he wuz a'savin up fer one. so we wood play over to my place n practice a equal number of his songs n mine, witch he had only writ two songs so he wuz willin to do three of mine. that wuz the kind of thang twuz. he wood use me havin three songs to move him to ritin a nuthern, only dint wurk. fack is, we dint play all that much musik tugether.

but we did hang out, n twuz a rude sprize to larn he knew martha frum whenever he wuz a'wurkin at shoneys big boy restrunt n he had been in luv with her n they had dun it oncet, witch she wuz his furst but she woodnt never let him have no more on a counta she had tole him she wonted a virgin but no cummitmint. but that dint do him no good on a counta he had feelins that woodnt go away.

n whenever he furst tole me bout her, twuz all i could do to keep my face strate on a counta i wuz seein her purty reglar long bout then.

but as thangs happened, the times martha wuz free sam wuz a wurkin. so i wood sumtimes see her on a fridy afternoon n then see him that evnin, on a counta our frienship wuz sorta fridy n saterdy nite thang on a counta me wurkin graveyards.

n we wood hang out n talk bout god n magick n witchcraft n the kabala n the taro n i ching n all kinds of thangs i wuz a'studyin n he wuz innerested in inny speckulayshun ye could cum up with on the subjeck of god n the hereafter n spirits.

in them daze i had the practiss of reedin taro cards fer folks. i wood always tell em twuz a game n twernt real n so furth, but that dint stop em frum thankin i had the talent, witch i dint far as i could tell. n sam seem lack he wonted one bout ever week only i dint bleev in givin em too often so that jes made him wont to have em red more.

n thar cum a nite that he gut me to read em n it cum out he wuz a gone find enlitemint. ackshly, it cum out lack always with bout fifty differnt ways to read whut they sed n i tole him that on a counta i knew that wuz whut he wuz a hopin fer n trine to do n i hoped to put his mine at res. n i sed the reglar wurds bout it wuz jes a game, n that made him all the more sartin.

thay wuz lots of drugs n oak ridge in them daze n sike a delicks were whut mos everbidy wonted to git. ye couldnt hardly git ackshul lsd or acid but ye mite git mescalin or payotee or sillasibin mushrooms.

now sam wonted to trip sum kinda way more'n innybidy i ever met. he bleevd he wuz a gone fine god ifn only he could trip, n i tride to tell him twood only make him more confused n the anser aint in a drug or twooda been discovert way long time ago. n he pointed out thay wuz new drugs, n couldnt god have inspired the drug maker? n that wood git us a goin n we would carry on bout whuther ye could git enlitenmint thru drugs or magick or whutever, but he wuz set on drugs.

brew had a frien frum skool name of will, witch i dont member if i ever knew his last name. brew tole us he had sum mushrooms only he wonted too much fer em but sam sed he wood pay mos innythang so brew tole him not to tell will that n sam ast me wood i neegosheeate the deal. n thats whut i dun.

twuz bout 10 pm on a fridy nite whenever we gut em, n sam wonted to eat them mushrooms jes a quick as we could. will sed they wood take bout a hour to git a'goin n we wood be up all nite, n sam sed that wuz ok by him, n i sed we could drive out to melton hill park, n thats whut we dun.

we started gittin off a bit on the drive out, but twernt nuthin to whut wuz to cum. that happened after we gut thar n lit a joint n lay back n stared at the sky, witch twuz clear as could be n thay wuz no lites around so ye could see ferever.

n thats whut we dun the hole trip, witch we wood git up to walk around n pee ever so often, but we kep cummin back to lay back n look up. n sam wuz moved to tell me he wuz feelin god n he wuz sure he wuz a'havin the egsperience n all.

then long bout 3 am he ast the time, n whenever i tole him he jumped up n sed we hadda leev that mint, he had to git home.

i could see he woodnt be calmed, so i gut up n we gut the car n wuz a drivin away when we cum to a barrier that sed stop. it kinda looked lack we were locked in fer the nite, n whenever sam figgered thatn out, ye could see he wuz a fixin to cry. n i reminded him bout god n tole him sum the thangs i wuz tole in church on a counta ye could see he dun fergot he wuz a'gittin the relijus egsperience.

n he cawt on to whut i wuz a'sayin in two shakes n he gut quite n ast me to tell him more, so i gut onto the one bout ifn innythang has a meanin then everythang mus have one too n even that stop sine mus have sum meanin. i give him the hole predestinayshun thang on god a'knowin everthang incloodin the futchur.

n jes lack that he jumped to the cunclooshyun that ifn god knew everthang n created everthang then everthang mus be setup by god to have meanin by god fer evertbidy n the wunder wuz he could set it up fer so many folks all at the same time on a counta they wuz all in differnt places in frames of mind.

as ye kin see, he could talk. i tole him he wuz makin sense n i tole sum the stories of jesus n sam jes couldnt git a nuff. we gut to faith n how it makes it possbull to do thangs, n he sed he had faith he could move that stop sine.

so we gut outta the car n walked over toot, n shure a nuff, sam spotted whar he could jes open it up, n he sed that wuz the meanin of that trip. n he sed that wuz the reason twuz thar, to show him that all he hadda do wuz open the gate an go in.

n frum that he becum a jew fer jesus. n that made him quit playin musick or hangin round with me, n seem lack twuz a year or more till nex time i saw him. he wuz walkin round downtown oak ridge a trine to git peeple to jesus, n he wuz advertisin how he wuz a jew fer jesus. n whenever he spotted me, he cum over n we talked.

i ast him how did his folks feel bout this, n he sed they hated it, but that dint matter. n he tole me he wuz cuncernt fer my sole on a counta how i wuz a'livin. n he even gut on me bout them taro cards n how could i read em knowin theys frum the devil. n i tole him i dint bleev lack that, n that set him off on the bibl n we wuz disputin it right thar in downtown oak ridge till thar wuz a crowd a gathrin, n that made me tell him i wuz happy fer him.

n i walked away. ye mite could say i had won the argumint, lease on the way daddy wood score it, but i wuz feelin low. so i drove out to that tree n put my hand on the scar n my knees on the ground, n i ast fer god to show me witch way to go sum kinda way. n i waited, a hopin sumthin mite happen, but it never did.

or mayhap it did, i tole myself, mayhap everthang i do, ever miss take i make, wuz all mint to be so i wood larn whutever twuz god wonted me to know. n when i thought lack that i wonted to laff on a counta that wuz more sams argumint than mine.

fack is, when i look back at the wild life i wuz a livin, i shudder. tiz a wunder i survived a tall.

life of buddy don, chaptur 36:
sex, drugs n rock n roll

ye mite not member much bout how thangs wuz back in the summer of 1975. we had ford in the white house, n he had dun pardoned nixon absolutely back in 1974. the nashnul debt wuz up to $542 billyun, witch seemed hard to bleev then, but we dun larnt how to git the deficit up a lot higher now, thanks to raygun n dubya. thay wuz a cleanup after watergate, n folks wuz bein cunvicted right n lef. ye mite member thar names: haldeman, erlickman, mitchell, that hole bunch. one thang nixon had dun fer me wuz to git me to the point that i wood never vote fer a publican runnin fer presdint agin. period.

ye also had opec a razin thar oil prices n givin us murkins a reminder of how fragile our econumy wuz on a counta we wuz addicted to oil. as ye mite have noticed, thangs have gut wurse as far as thats cuncerned. inflayshun wuz 14%, witch tiz hard to bleev how bad twuz, but everbidy wuz wurried over it. a gallon of gas gut up to over 50 cent n thay wuz rumors everwhar that the fillin stayshuns wuz a fixin to git new pumps that could let em charge over a dollar a gallon, only mos folks sed that wuz a lie n that them a-rabs wood let up on the price before long. we all know how thatn went.

corse, thar wuz the last of the viet nam war, n thang i recolleck is how a bunch of our folks wuz havin to be saved by hellacopter frum the roof of that embassy or whutever twuz. thats the scene frum tv that has stuck with me. but the war wuz over n mos folks i knew wuz happy bout it. whut had we gut frum it cetpn a bunch of ded soljers n folks who dint die cumin back to be treated bad by folks that had gut outta goin.

in music that wuz the year fer still crazy after all these years, witch i dont member if innythang else good cum out that year. all in the family wuz still the best show on tv.

that movie called jaws cum out that year. i never seen it n never could git whut peeple found so interestin bout it. far as i could tell, twuznt even a likely thang to happen, witch most creetchurs frum natchur knows a nuff to git out of the way of folks on a counta how we lack to kill mos everthang we kin. thay wuz other movies lack one flew over the cuckoo's nest n rocky horror pitchur show n my favert of the bunch, monty python n the holy grail. i guess that one hit my funny bone so hard on a counta i lacked to call myself lookin fer god n all.

corse, twernt god a tall i wuz really chasin. twuz skirts. dont git me rong. i wuz to the point in life whar i thought bout god a lot n i wundered wuz thar one n if so how could ye be sure.

but the wurds that says tall bout them times, lease whar i wuz, wuz sex, drugs n rock n roll.

furst tho, brew n me had sum trubles bout the house we wuz a rentin in kingston. he lost his job, witch he had been a'wurkin out at eastern state mental hospital, a guardin the place of sumthin. twuz a low time in his life, n he dint know whut he wuz a'gone do fer money. round this same time, thay wuz a leak sprung in the pipes of the house, n cum januarys bill, they wuz astin fer $163 fer water. i dint have that kind a money, so i ast fer relief n they sed theyd have em a hearin on it but i wood have to pay furst.

by that time, i wuz sick of mos everthang darlene n i had dun had together, so i tuck to sellin it all off. sold the washer, dryer, stove n fridge to a guy at wurk, all of em fer $300 n he had to cum git em. he give em to he parnts, n they wuz rite pleezed. i did purt much the same with mos everthang ceptn the peeano n records n books.

n then brew n me, heds hangin low in defeat, moved back into our parnts place, sharin a downstairs room.

now ye mite be tempted to thank that once we wuz a livin thar, thay woodnt be no chance fer much in the way of sex or drugs, n even yer rock n roll wood have to be turnt down, but twuznt thataway. i had dun tole daddy bout smokin pot, n we had dun had many a argumint over whuther they should legal eyes it. he wood take one side n me tuther, n then whenever we wuz a makin our points purty reglar, he wood git us to switch sides, n ye kin bet that gut us a'goin.

so when we moved in, i ast him witch wood he ruther we do, smoke outside the house sumwhar or doot in our bedroom? n he sed he druther not know bout it, but seemed better in than out. so we did both in and out, but lease we wuz able to smoke inside. n we wood burn incents to give him reason to bleev thar wernt nuthin a'goin on.

but mama wuz differnt. she wonted to find out whut all the egcitemint wuz over, so she ast could she try it sumtime. i wuz wurkin steddy graveyards then, so i tole her we could have sum whenever i woke up on fridy evnin. n thats whut we dun. she wuz sprized at how gentle twuz. it gut to whar i wood wake up of a fridy evnin n thar she wood be, meersham pipe in hand n reddy to be lit. then she wonted to sit in our room fer the evnin a'gittin hi n listnin to musick, which her faverts were thangs lack america's sister golden hair n the eagles lyin eyes n thangs lack that thar. n thats whut we dun many a fridy evnin.

corse, i wuz on the prowl most of the time, n round 9 in the evnin, i wood go out n see whut i could find to do. twernt much to be dun in oak ridge, n sumtimes i wood partner up with brew n go over to the bars in knoxvul, mainly on the strip round ut n we wood drank beer n try to git sum gurl to dance, but we never once met innybidy thar that we made friens with.

one evenin i went by a place called the coffee house, witch the presbyteryuns wuz the ones holdin it. n thay wuz lack a open mike thar n thay had em a peeano n thay wuz lots of folk who cum out to em, n purty soon i had practiced up sum of my own songs n played thar ever now n agin.

n i started into meetin sum gurls, witch nowadaze ye wood half to call em women even ifn they wuz young, but in them daze ye called em gurls even ifn they wuz old. but meet em i did, n fer the mos part, twuz a lot of frustrayshun.

thay wuz one name of carla n she dint stand quite 5 feet. n she wuz nice n sexy n all, n she wonted us to do sum drugs n have sex, n i sed sounded lack fun, only i couldnt git over how whenever i wood try give her a hug, her nose wood be jammed into my belly. her drug cunneckhun never wurked out, n purty soon i tole her i couldnt pertend i wuz ever a'gone feel innythang fer her, n that ended that.

then thar wuz martha, witch i met her one nite whenever the coffee shop had dun closed n i went to shoneys big boy restrunt, witch wuz bout the only place that wuz open. eli wuz wurking thar a'washin dishes, so i ordered sum coffee n ast could i go back to see him, n since i had dun wurked thar, they let me go.

he had dun been thru his transformayshun by then, n he wuz in the humble stage bout his prospecks in life but preechy bout whut he bleeved. he ast could i give him a ride home, n i sed i wood, n went back out to the counter to wait on him.

n while i wuz thar, the busboy, name of brandon, witch he wuz gay n a'hittin on mos everbidy that cum in, so he cummenced to talkin with me, n one of the waitresses, name of martha, cum over n tole him i wuz not innerested, witch i ast her how could she know that, n she sed on a counta i wuz a'gone take her home.

n thats whut happened, n that started the story of martha, witch thars a few twists n turns toot. fer one thang, she wuz marrd. n we struck up a lil thang, witch ima gone tell that one direckly.

n thay wuz a gurl at wurk name of debby, n we flurted lack crazy till she add mitted she wuz marrd n by then i had dun figgered out that twernt wurth the effort on a counta i had dun larnt that frum martha.

n i spoze i could make a countin of ever one i did innythang with, witch mosly twuz to chase em n rarely to catch em, n the few times i did, twuz more truble than twuz wurth, but seemed lack i had to prove sumthin to sumbidy, only i couldnt say who twuz, but sumbidy, mayhap twuz darlene, ceptn she dint have no way of knowin whut i wuz up to. i cant hardly splain it now, but i wood be after two or three of em most of the time, n i thought i wuz havin big adventchurs. but they dint go nowhar.

the story of martha splains tall purty well. she wuz the furst blond hedded woman i ever had sex with, n that part of it wuznt all that good. after i give her the ride home, witch we had dun kissed n touched each other that furst nite while we wuz a waitin fer eli to git dun, n whenever he cum, he sed we wuz sinnin agin the lord on a counta she wuz marrd, n martha sed he had better wurry bout his own problems n not ourn, n she wuz rite, but he wuz rite too.

she ast me wood i cum over the nex tuesdy afternoon, n i dun it, n she had her a cuple friens thar, n we waited fer em to leeve, n ever so often she wood call me into the kitchen n we wood kiss n she wood do her bes to git me all hot n bothered, witch it dint take much to do that, speshly since she wuz a wearin one of them halter tops n no bra. finely the gurls lef n we wuz rollin roun on the couch. n whenever her husbin cum home, we jumped n pullt our cloze together. ye wood thank her husbin, witch his name wuz kevin, ye wood thank he wooda been able to tell whut wuz a'gone on, but he jes tuck a seat and ast did i wont a beer, witch i tuck one even tho i only wonted to leeve soons i could.

but thangs wuz dun started with martha n me, n she gut to whar she wood cum by mamas place round 2 in the afternoon, witch in them daze i wood wurk the graveyard n then go to skool, n then cum home n git in bed by round 2 n sleep till round 10 n then doot all agin. n we wood smoke a joint n have sex n seemed lack twernt much good only she lacked it on a counta she couldnt git a nuff.

now she wuz blue eyed n her husbin wuz too. so whenever she cum up pregnunt, thar wuz confushyun over who the daddy mite be. n she wuz bold. when i gut back on day shif, she wood cum by of an evnin now n agin, n i member one time whenever she wuz out to here we drove out to a park by milton hill lake n she ast wood i have sex n i sed i druther not n she tuck off her shorts n lay down n ast did i change my mine, n i dint wont to doot, but seemed lack i had to proov i could, so i did.

lookin back, i reckon i spent too much time proovin i could do this or that, n i guess thats part of bein 23 years old n thankin ye gut to larn n do n see everthang.

fack is, seemed lack i wuz a'gittin my share of the sex, drugs n rock n roll that wuz a'cumin to me, but thay wuznt all thay wuz cracked up to be.

that evnin in the park wuz the las time i dun innythang with martha, n it made her mad that i dint wonta keep on. but i wuz hartless then, n corse, i paid fer it later.

but on the one way street of life, thar wuz no turnin back.

life of buddy don, chaptur 35:
the $15 hed shranker

one of the thangs i had to do whenever they let me out of the mental health clink wuz go back n see one of thar docters to talk bout whut wuz a botherin me. they tole me i had to go, n then they tole me i had to pay $15 a visit, witch that seemed a bit steep to me. i went the furst time n met a guy who looked as young as me. he wuz in need of a bath or at least a bit of shampoo for his greasy hair, n ifn he had a name, i dont ritely recollect whut twuz.

he ast me to splain the situwayshun, n i dun my best to do jes that, givin him the deetail on how me n darlene cum to have a open marrg n how she cum to be in luv with one of her perfessers n how twuz only natcherul she wood on a counta she wuz in skool n i wuz way behind her n she wuz making new friens n all. n the hole time i wuz a'tellin him bout whut dun happened, i wuz keepin my emoshuns out of the pitcher as much as possbull.

he listened keerful lack to everthang i sed n then ast me did i wont his pinion. i tole him thats purty much whut i cum to git. n he tole me i wuz full of shit. thems the verr wurds he used, 'full of shit.'

on one level, ye mite could say everbidys full of shit on a counta in sum ways we aint nuthin more'n tubes fer food to cum into one end of the tube, git converted to shit, n then go out tuther end.

but twuz clear he mint that i wuz full of shit on a counta the way i splained the situwayshun with darlene.

it so happened i wuz spected fer dinner over to mamas that evenin, n whenever i gut thar, daddy wuz the only one home. he wuz a'sittin at the kitchen table, drankin a beer n eatin cheezits, witch that wuz his ritchual mos ever nite. he ast did i wont a beer n i sed i wood take one even tho twernt sumthin i wonted, but i tuck it on a counta he hadnt ever offered me alkyhol to drank befor.

so we fell into a conversayshun n twuz natcherul that he wood ast bout my visit to the hed shranker. i tole him whut he sed bout me bein full of shit n that twuz all on a counta i wuz trine to intelleck-chew-allize (whut a wurd!) everthang in sted of feelin it n all. turnt out daddy n me bleeved purty much the same on thisn, n that talk wuz the furst time ever whar he acted lack i wuz on his level. n ye could see whar he wuz proud i turnt out lack him.

then cum the acksident whar i destroyed my car n marked that tree. he wuz the one cum to the hospital to see wuz i ok, n whenever he gut thar, ye could see that this wuz sumthin he couldnt intelleck-chew-allize a tall. i wuz a'lyin on the table waitin fer the docter to stitch up the cuts in my face, witch i had two n they changed how i looked frum then on, n daddy cum in n tole me how my car had killt a buck deer n how the rodes wuz icy n all, n i sed, 'daddy, yer jes lookin fer excuses when ye know i dun it.' n he covered my mouth n sed he did know it but that thar woodnt be nuthin gained ifn everbidy did.

'thays sum thangs better kep to yerself,' he tole me. 'else ye wont git to live yer own life. tiz hard to know when to keep quite, but this is a time to.'

n he wuz rite bout that.

i did keep quite bout it, n next time i saw the $15 hed shranker, he could see that sumthin bout me had dun changed. then he sed he wuz afraid i had dun made a flite into health, n that bein the case, thay wuznt much he could do fer me. i reckon ye mite could say that thar acksident dun knocked the shit rite out of me, lease long a nuff to git away frum him.

n i did git away, n fer a while, seem lack daddy n me gut along purty good. he lacked playin golf, n sumtimes twood be him n eli n me over to dead horse lake over in knoxvul or south hills in oak ridge n even tho he give us a ten stroke limit, seem lack we never had much fun. but twuz a way of passin time with him, so we dun it ever so often till eli gut mad after makin a nuther bad shot n he broke daddys five iron n that wuz the last time eli went or daddy invited him.

n whenever daddy wuznt splainin bout keepin my lef arm strate n my eye on the ball n takin a keerful back swang n swangin rite thru the ball n not wurryin too much bout my slice n even sayin mayhap i should aim to the lef so the slice mite brang me back into the fairway n all them other thangs ye need to member n keep under yer cuntrol ifn yer gone play golf, well, whenever he wuznt splainin all that, he wood git to discussin his theories bout life n how ye needed to keep yer emoshuns in cuntrol n let yer mind do the thankin. n that seemed lack plane common sense to me.

but twood be years befor i wood larn the truth, n much as it hurt to hear that greasy-heded, $15 hed shranker tell me i wuz full of shit, he wuz rite.

life of buddy don, chaptur 34:
trippin with virgil n myra jane

ye mite could wunder whut wuz happenin with virgil, n thars at lease one thang ye oughta know. it probly cums as no surprise that he stayed sweet on darlene till long after he had gone to san francisco. fack is, he went in part on a counta he couldnt stand seein me be with her when he wuz hopin twood be him.

that n the fack that he wonted to try thangs, mainly sex, but also thangs lack bein on his own, havin adventchurs up in hate ashbury, n usin drugs. he could see thay wuznt much chants of tryin innythang with darlene, speshly when i wuz a marrn her, so myra jane wuz a good comprumise. she wuz ackshully a purty smart gurl with a backbone to admire, a sexy way of walkin, n as down to earth a manner as ye could hope fer. fack is, she coulda been the mother of all earth mothers.

lease thats the way it seemed to me whenever i went to visit. witch that happened jes after i had dun tride killin myself. i wonted to see em, n by then he had dun gut out of the army n wuz a'livin in sunnyvale, witch sunnyvale n the hole area twuz about to take off with the computer industry. so whenever i gut some time off frum wurk, in a dishun to the time they made me take, i drove out to californy to visit him.

i had dun seen him once on a counta he cum to visit us durin one of his furloughs. as ye mite recall, he had dun been drafted on a counta havin a low number. he tride protestin it, but thay wuznt no way out, n he wuz lucky they sent him to germuny ruther than viet nam. he wuz as good a mechanick as ever thar lived, so they tuck advantidge of that n had him reparin tanks n jeeps n such.

innywho, he cum thru oak ridge bout two years into our marrg n long befor we had moved to knoxvul. i could see rite away that he wuz jes as sweet on darlene as he had ever been, n thang wuz, seemed lack she wuz innerested rite back. it so happened that i wuz a'takin classes 4 nites a week n she had em only two, so thar wuz two nites at the house that they had alone. this wernt all that long after i had cunfessed bout magda n i wuz feelin guilty bout that so whenever i could see they wuz thankin with thar glands, i dint discurge it a tall but reminded em that we dun had us a open marrg n all that, n shure a nuff, they dun the deed one evenin while i wuz at class.

ye mite could thank that wood make me mad at my frien, but twernt thataway a tall. seemed to me lack he dun did me a favor on a counta now darlene wuz even with me n i knew twuz with sumbidy that woodnt be stayin round to make it a long lastin affair. the tit fer tat wuz dun. n far as i wuz concerned, i dint need much more of the marrg bein open. twuz a lot more truble than it seemed to be wurth.

or mayhap thats jes me talkin now that i dun had too much experients in that regard. at the time, i kep thankin i wuz missin sumthin by not havin more sex with more women. but that's off the track.

thang bout my visit to virgil n myra jane that i member mos of all wuz trippin in big sur. twuz also the furst time i met thar lil gurl jill, witch she wuz jes bout two years old at the time.

thats rite, i sed trippin. one of the bad thangs bout drugs bein illegal and thar bein a war on sum of em is that ye git to a point purty quick whar ye know ye cant take the wurd of the gummint on em. fer instunts, they started in to tellin lies bout pot bout as quick as they discovered white peeple mite lack to use it. they ignore how twuz once widely prescribed by docters n all. in sted, they cum up with lies lack that it makes ye crazy n makes ye go into mad, murderous rages, n loose cuntrol n all. taint a bit of it true. if innythang, it makes ye lazy n willin to sit around doin nuthin all day cept listn to musick n eat snacks.

but thang is, whenever ye tride it n figgered out they wernt a'tellin the truth bout it, twuz a temptayshun to thank they wernt tellin the truth bout nun of them drugs, n thats mostly the case. so after i had dun tride pot n found that nun of the awful thangs happend to me that i wuz led to bleev wuz spozed to happen, then i dint bleev em bout much of innythang they sed bout drugs. lies is awful thangs.

n durin the 70s, i tride ever sangle one of em i could git my hands on. i know that aint sumthin to be proud of, but in them daze, that seemed the main way to go on a adventchur, n dint nun of em seem as dangerus as we wuz tole.

fack is, likker n tubacka is bof em more dangerus than most of the drugs i ever cum acrost n tuck. n plane fack is, they kill more folks n ruin more lives than all them other drugs put tugether.

so whenever myra jane ast did i wonta trip, i sed i mite lack to. n virgil starts into splainin how tiz a one way street, n that once ye go down it, ye woodnt never be the same agin. n i tole him that wuz a thang to cunsidder, only wuz thay innythang that wuznt thataway? n he wundered whut i mint, n i sed that purty much everthang i had dun in my life wuz kindly one way streets that oncet i had gone down em i wuznt never the same no more. n that made him laff, so we decided we wood doot.

corse, that mint a'gettin us sum, n that mint a trip to san francisco whar myra jane had this friend, witch he wuz a gay man who lacked hangin out with myra jane on a counta she wuz a no nonsense kinda purson. whenever we cum by his apartmint, he had us in n we all talked n at one point he ast wuz i gay n i sed i wuznt n he sed wuz i shure n i sed i wuz purty shure. n he sed sumthin lack the differents tween a strate n a gay man wuz a bottle of vodka. i thanked him fer the warnin n splained how i could bleev it on a counta i wuz a lergick to hard likker in the furst place, n he laffed at that n tole me i wuz all rite.

corse he woodnt take money fer the three hits of acid he had. we thanked him n i tole him ifn i wuz ever back round, we could test his theory bout vodka, n he sed he wood keep a bottle on hand jes in case. his name wuz hank n he dint live to see 1984 on a counta aids.

we lef san francisco n drove to big sur n picked us out a campin place n hiked up to a bald of grass n tuck the acid n smoked sum pot n drunk a lil wine, lease virgil drunk the wine or most of it. twuz a purty day n frum whar we wuz, ye could look out over the woods n see the ocean. n we stayed thar the hole trip jes about, n seemed lack we dint do much but laff n play. jill wuz thar, n she wuz havin fun a'crawlin all over us. i wuz sprized mainly by how i twernt sumthin that made ye crazy n fergit whar ye wuz nor nuthin lack that. ye could see the beauty in everthang n i member clearly a layin out in the sun on that grass n realizin that i wuz happy, lease at that momint, with jill a crawlin all over me, witch i wuz always her favert till long time later when i moved away frum the farm, n the sun a shinin down on us n the good friends n the grapes n oranges n kiwi fruits that myra jane had brung fer us to eat.

at one point, i thought i could see whut the hole mystery of life wuz about, n i speck manys the purson trippin that has dun seen that. problem is, ye cant hardly splain it n ifn ye aint ever felt it, how kin ye git it?

we had us a real good time n camped out n seem lack we dint git sleepy till twuz near dawn the nex day, n then when mornin cum we wuz up early n whenever we tuck the nex toke frum a joint, we wuz reminded of the trip n it felt grate.

we went n gut us sum brakefuss n virgil cummenced to splainin the inventchuns he wuz inventin in his hed. that wuz the main thang ye had to keep strate with virgil, his inventchuns. he had dun invented mos everthang that cum along only sumbidy else beat him to ever punch whenever it cum to makin money frum em. he had the idee fer flat tvs, fer instunts, n splained how twood wurk. n he had idees fer cars n computers. fack is, ye could name mos innythang, n chantses are, he had dun invented it sum kinda way.

corse, they never gut frum his hed to a ackshul prototype nor nuthin, so ye had to kindly take his wurd fer whut he had invented.

whenever i wuz a leevin, virgil cum out to see me off. twuz too early fer myra jane or jill to be up. he sed he wonted to tell me sumthin, n we talked, n as usual, it tuck us way too long on a counta he had sum refinemints to one of his inventchuns he wonted to splain. but mainly, he jes wonted to thank me, n whenever i ast him whut fer, he sed fer not gittin even with him by havin sex with myra jane. twuz hard not to laff on a counta he had dun gut me even with darlene, n ye kin see how once ye git to openin up marrgs, ye could git to whar nuthin wood ever be even agin. i dint tell him that, but i tole him he dint have nuthin to wurry bout.

n he hugged me n tole me he bleeved thangs wuz a fixin to change n that the worl wuz a gone be enlightened n he wuz a gone show the worl new ways of bein n all. n i sed he should move to tennessee sumday on a counta ye could git land thar n mayhap we could start the new ways of livin on that land. n he laffed n sed he reckoned we could but ye could see twuz lack one of them inventchuns n mite never be the case that the idee wood git out of his hed long a nuff to be real.

by then myra jane wuz up n wontin to know whut we wuz a'talkin bout. n i tole her i wuz regrettin not gittin to make luv to her, n she laffed n sed maybe nex time, n ye could see twuz a eatin at virgil till she slapped his arm n sed to litin up. so i mentchuned the idee of gittin land in tennessee, n when myra jane promissed they wood doot, i knew they wood.

she sed maybe we wood trip agin, n i sed maybe so. n she laffed n ast me bout our trip n did i see god? n i wonted to say i dint know fer sartin, n she laffed bout that n sed i should keep lookin.

n it seemed to me, as i wuz a drivin back to tennessee after the visit, that i had dun found the path to enlightenmint, that ye could git to god by takin the rite medicine, as twere, n acid seemed lack twuz it. n thar wuznt much i woodnt try to see ifn i wood git ansers bout whut life is all bout. n i kep thankin i wood git it frum a experients of sum kind.

but whut i gut wuz really no differnt frum whut virgil wuz a'gittin frum his inventchuns, n that wuz jes one more thang in my hed that i couldnt splain to nobidy.

life of buddy don, chaptur 33:
how darlene stiffed the lawyer

once i had gut over feelin sorry fer myself fer gittin everthang i wonted, i wuz able to git the deevorce a'goin. frum the distunts of near thirty years, i kin see darlene with differnt eyes. at the time, i couldnt magine that thar wood be a nuther woman fer me. i couldnt magine havin one who wuznt as smart as she wuz. i couldnt magine a nuther one a fallin fer sumbidy lack me. i couldnt magine feelin whut i felt fer her fer innybidy else.

but frum whar i sit now, i kin see that whutever i felt fer her, however much i luved her, i dint lack her much a tall.

i gut a vivid reminder of that whenever i went over to pick her up to meet the lawyer. this wuz in early 1975, n by then she wuz willin to admit whar she wuz livin n let me off of payin fer a dorm room that wuz jes fer show. they had em a place over in karns whar thar wuz a barn n all, witch thats whar she had lil dude northfleet. whenever i pulled up, they were out back, n when i went to see em, thar wuz darlene leading perfesser william streicher around n tellin him whut to do.

twuz all i could do not to laff. wuznt he now caught in the trap i had jes wurmed my way out of?

but even seein that, thay wuz this part of me that wonted her back, n i deespized him fer not standin up to her. hadnt i dun stood up to her whenever i wuz with her? did i let her boss me around? hell no. corse, i dint have her, n thay wuz part of me that hated him even when i wuz a'lookin down on him with my lil form of pity.

fack is, i half to add mitt it tuck a long while befor the last of them feelins fer darlene lef me. but after i had marked my tree, as twere, after i had thrown my life away n found it agin, i no longer had time fer a sartin kind of foolishness.

so twuz i who called a lawyer n gut her to cum see him by sayin we could figger it out tugether or i could git me one n she could git her one n we could let the courts do thar thang.

since neethur of us wonted that, she agreed to go meet the lawyer, witch i cant fer the life of me member his name ceptn he had a office in grove center in oak ridge n he wuz one of them verr pale folks with hair so white n fine twuz barly thar. twuz a odd conversayshun. whenever we started talkin bout the deevorce we wuz a'wontin to have, we dint know if twuz a'gone be her deevorcin me or me deevorcin her, but by that time, dint matter whichn dun tuther on a counta i jes wonted it dun sos we could move on to the next faze of life.

turnt out darlene did care witchn twuz to blame, n that mint a bit of negosheeayshuns. in them daze, tennessee dint have no fault deevorce yet, so we had to have us a reason. she woodnt accept the langwage of cruel n inhuman treatment, eethur die reckshun, witch thats whut i mite wood have used on her, or else abandonmint. non-support turnt out to be more her cup of tea. twuz a fack that i sed i woodnt pay fer everthang once she wuz moved out, so we agreed this wuz closest to the truth.

then the lawyer tole me i needed to let the two of them have a momint alone sos we couldnt git caught on colushun, so they tuck bout five mints together, long a nuff fer him to git her billin address. turnt out ifn she dint wont the crime to be on her hed, she wood have to pay him n twood weaken the case ifn i wuz to pay fer him n she wuz to claim non-support, n whenever he splained that, i felt lack i had jes beat darlene in a argumint, witch that dint happen much.

so twuz agreed i wood pay the court costs, witch they cum to $44, n she wood pay fer her lawyer, witch he wuz asting $225 n i guess she dint have no room to dicker with him.

they scheduled the event n had it without even a'tellin me when twood happen, but long story short, it did, n by then i wuz dun with the furst deevorce, n that closed out a marrg that lasted egzackly four years, eight munths n four days. they sent me a bill fer the court, witch thats how i larnt the marrg wuz over.

i dint see darlene agin frum then till now n i reckon i wont ever see her agin.

i did run into her lawyer one evenin. i wuz livin out at the farm n wurkin graveyards by then n twuz my habit to stop in at shoneys big boy restrunt to have the half pound o'ground round speshul, witch i had the same thang mos ever nite, n i seen him a'waitin in line to pay his bill. he spotted me n nodded, n i nodded back. then whenever he wuz dun payin, he cum over to ast did i know how to git in touch with darlene.

i sed i thought she wuz livin over in karns, but that wuz old informayshun. he had dun sent bills thar n even a bill colleckter, but he still hadnt gut his pay.

i could see he wuz a flirtin with the idee of astin wood i pay her bill, but twood be hard to ast sumthin lack that. he could have tuck my side n used the argumint that twuz abandonmint whenever she moved out, but ye could see he wuz a lil sweet on her n twuz his prefernce to take her fer his customer. so i figgered he gut whut he wonted. beware of whut ye wont!

n ye wood thank bein a deevorce lawyer he wood no that a deevorce means not payin all ye promissed in the furst place.  he wuz lef with darlene owin him money n im shure that hurt a nuff, speshly to be taken thataway.

but i wuz lef with a wounded hart that dint seem lack twood ever wurk the same agin, n thay wuz times i hated her fer takin me the way she dun, fer usin me to git out of her the danger of livin with her mama, witch that dun twisted her up sum, n usin me to git her educayshun, witch she wuz nearly dun by time we deevorced.

n it seemed to me fer years that she had left a wound that wood never heal. now i kin see now that twuz a lot lack whenever they broke my laig sos it could be set strate, but at the time it seemed lack a senseless wound.

strang tole me time wood mend it, n he wuz rite, but twuz a crule message on a counta time seemed to move mitey slow.

but i half to add mitt, whenever i watched that poor albino lookin lawyer walk away without astin me to pay fer darlenes debt, his head down n his hands back in his pockets, as if he wuz a beaten man, i gut a lil thrill. whutever else darlene had dun to me, i had to add mire the way she had stiffed the lawyer.

life of buddy don, chaptur 31:
ye aint born all grown up

uncle buster wuz the one taught me that sayin, n it has stood the test of time. i reckon he wuz a sayin it since ferever, but i dint notice it till we tuck that vega up to wartburg n sold it to his car lot. he give us $1500, witch twernt wurth half that only he fixed it up n sold it fer more n im glad he did. he n ant josie let us in n fed us cake n coffee n give us a check. i sed twuz a miss take to buy that car, n  uncle buster allowd i wuz rite bout that. then he sed i ought not wurry much over it on a counta ye aint born all grown up.

uncle buster wuz dads next younger bruther n they had em a relayshunship lack eli's n mine on a counta they wuz the furst two n born close tugether. uncle buster wuz a lot lack eli in other ways. they wuz both quick to anger n quick to make ye laff. fack is, uncle buster wuz the funniest man i wuz ever around. thay wuz times my ribs wood be achin frum the thangs he wood say n the stories he wood tell.

he had a red face on a counta he wuz always nursin a bottle of jack daniels n they say by time he died he had been a'drankin more'n a quart a day. i never noticed so i cant rightly say. whenever he n ant josie cum over to the house, he n daddy wood generly have a drank, beer mosly. he also had im a bisness, car dealership n he wuz known to everbidy in morgan county. he give $5 dollars to everybidy that stuck in skool long a nuff to git thar hi skool diploma. they wood see im n holler out 'got that five.'

tuther side of uncle buster wuz he dint lack jews, cathlicks or black folk, witch he called em 'nigger' only not round dad. n corse he wuz a publican lack the res of the duncans.

i always git uncle buster n my furst deevorce mixed in tugether on a counta he died bout a munth after darlene n me had dun seprated. fack is, i wuz in the mental health clink whenever it happened, n they had to git speshul per mishun fer me to go to the funerul.

how i cum to be in the mental healt clink wuz one weekend darlene sed she wood meet me out at the ranch n we could ride. point is, we wuz spozed to be spendin weekends tugether only it never seemed to wurk out. she had homewurk n who knows whut. i wood call the dorm, but she wuz never thar, n it gut me feelin blue. by then i wuz happy fer inny chants to see her n she wuz plannin on comin home with me.

then here she cum n theres a man holdin her hand n felt to me lack i dun been punched in the stumach. i wuz cleenin the stall n saw em walkin cross the yard twards the barn. n when they cum in to the barn, they let go thar hands n she called out to lil dude northfleet n then she saw me in the stall with him, witch i gut sos i would keep im in thar with me sumtimes while i wuz cleenin on a counta he lacked bein close to me.

twuz awkward to say the lease. i wuz hip deep in horseshit n here wuz this perfersser william striecher fer me to meet, n he cummenced to sayin i should call him bill but never dun it. i did cum out n leaned the shovel agin the stall n shuck his hand n ast whut did he teach n ackted lack i cared bout economix, witch it seemed lack everthang economix had in it wuz obveeus innywho. he had on a brand new cowboy hat n new boots n i could see he wuz much more serious bout bein a cowboy than me n i reckon that mint sumthin to darlene.

she tuck the horse n off they went. later on i seen him ridin that old blind mare they call whitey n he wuz sittin purty good till they gut em into a trot, n then he fell off n i half to add mitt it felt real good n poked a crule chuckle out of me. whitey stopped in waited while perfesser william streicher gut back up n they went off a gin. i wurked on the stall n waited n then put a saddle on a mare name of carla n rode up to the ridge n sat on the tree n waited fer em to be dun.

after an hour maybe a lil more i cum down. i knew darlene couldnt ride too long without gittin sore n she hadnt been out fer a while n shure a nuff, i seen em pullin the saddle off as i rode up. i tuck care of carla n had her brushed by time they had gut one of lil dude's back feet picked up sos they clean out his frog. lil dude aint used to em, n they wuz strugglin with him, witch that jes makes it wurse.

i wuz fixin to offer to hep em n had jus rounded the corner when i heard sumthin that stung me harder than a hornet wooda dun, jes a scrap of a sentents, jes perfesser william streicher a'astin her ifn she wuz a'gone be home that nite. twuz so cashul n so reglar, n thats whut hurt so.

darlene saw me a'cumin before she anserd n seem lack she wonted to shush im, n then he saw me n ast how wuz i.

'fair to middlin,' i lied. n whenever i gut close lil dude northfleet turnt my way n both darlene n perfesser wuz acktin lack they dun been caught pickin berries on the rong side of the fence, n they couldnt hardly move even, so i tuck the hoof pick n they stepped away while i tuck care of lil dude. n whenever they seen lil dude wuz happy in my care, they walked out twards the perfessers car. n i reckon they kissed good bye only i never seen it.

then here cum darlene jes lack we wuz a havin a date n her daddy had dun dropped her off. n ye kin jes magine how i wuz a feelin but i tole myself i had her cumin with me fer the momint n mayhap i wood git up the curge to tell her off good or to ast her to moov back in or whutever twuz i wuz a'wishin i had the guts to do bout the situwayshun.

but whut i dun wuz drive her out to my place, witch twuz the furst n last time she ever cum over thar, n i showed her roun n made hotdogs n pork n beans n tater chips n rc cola fer a late lunch n then we smoked a lil pot n then seem lack we couldnt find nuthin to say, so we listened to the billy joel piano man album on a counta twuz one of her faverts.

then fer sum reason i couldnt name neethur then nor now we wuz in the bed n she wuz urgin me on n i wuz wunderin how my hart could be so empty of desire n my bidy so swole up with it. but twuz lack that time with magda mruzinski n seem lack darlene couldnt take my not reachin climax fer a anser n it gut so i wonted to pertend, but i startid crine in sted. n she held me n then she wuz crine n then i tole her i knew twuz over n that she wuz a livin with him, witch i dint know nuthin of the kind ceptn i figgered it had to be. n she cride harder n allowed twuz true. n we wuz nekkid n lyin thar still joined tugether n her moovin ever now n agin n ye could see she wuz egcited even spite of herself n her tears.

n then we wuz a laffin at ourself n fer a mint we wuz talkin lack we wuz the worls oldest friends n we knew everthang.

n then we kissed n twuz gentle n i sumtimes wunder ifn i hadnt had to ruin it n tell her i luved her, n wood do innythang to get her back, n that i dint wont a open marrg, n that i luved her, n that i couldnt live without her, n when i started a'sayin i loved her the third time, she put her fanger to my lips n stopped me.

n i could see how twuz n then i knew she n perfesser william streicher wuz a gone marry, witch they dunnit in fack n far as i know they lived happy ever after. n that dont bother me nun now, but then twuz more'n i could take.

i wuz suddenly so angry i bit her fanger, not hard, but she felt it n pullt away. n then everthang wuz cold n she wuz a gittin dresst n then i wuz puttin on my cloze too n then we were in the car. i ast whar i should take her, n she sed the dorm lack twuz as natcherul as innythang.

'but ye dont stay thar nun,' i sed, n she denide it n then fer the furst time in years we gut into a fuss n fite n tole each uther everthang we'd been savin up n twuz devestatin to bofus, only thang wuz, by time we wuz three quarters dun with the fuss n fite we wuz thar so we finisht the altercayshun n i tole her id see her ifn i did n not ifn i dint but she dint say nuthin.

as i wuz drivin home i magined her reackshun ifn i wuz to kill myself. maybe then she'd unnerstan how i wuz feelin, a wontin sumthin that wuz dun alreddy ded.

but i gut back home ok n played peeano fer a bit n then lay down fer a nap befor a'goin to wurk.

i wuz tired walkin in to wurk. by time strang cum by to see me, i wuz feelin so low ye wooda needed a ex ackto knife to scrap me up. n he seen it n he had im a idee whut twuz so he cummenced to pokin round the issue n nex thang ye know i wuz crine my eyes out lack i wuz a lil child that had dun jes lost his mama. n strang tole me i dint have to figger thisn all out by my ownself n that thay wuz peeple could hep, n he tole me bout a speshul progrum they had em thar at carbide, n long story short, whenever mornin cum he tuck me over to the dispensry n purty soon they had dun tuck me over to the oak ridge mental health clinic.

whenever i found myself thar, seemed lack twuz the lowest i had yet dun gone. why i wuz out frum wurk wuz a secret to everbidy but my boss at wurk, but everbidy knew sumthin wuz rong n turnt out i wood be out fer a while.

n that;s when uncle buster died. fack is, eli wuz by his side whenever he passed on.

the story of elis transformayshun is gone half to be tole purty soon, but fer now, i'll jes say he had dun had it n he wuz in a faze of it whar he dun lots of good thangs fer other folk.  him n uncle buster wuz always a lot alike so eli went down to the vanderbilt hospitul, witch thats whar uncle buster went to die. n he red one zane grey or louis l'amour novel after a nuther till uncle buster had dun swole up frum kidney failure, witch they say he died frum that only twuz his liver that give out on him furst.

corse, he claimt that whut wuz a'killin him wuz a havin to quit drankin cold turkey, n that mite could be fer all i know. they say he wuz deeliryus fer two weeks at the beginnin of the ordeel.

but eli wuz thar the hole time n he wood read n pray over uncle buster n talk n listen to whutever uncle buster had to say. n then uncle buster told eli he wuz a'gone take a lil walk. n then he rolled over n died.

eli cum to git me n drive me home whenever they let me loose fer the funerul, n twuz a humiliayshun at the time fer eli to be drivin me since everbidy knew he wuz the one with the mental problems.

the funerul wuz in wartburg n jes about everbidy ceptn uncle jeffs furst fambly wuz thar. n they played taps n seemed lack i saw a tear in daddy's eye fer the furst time in my life, twuz a awful thang to see.

n the revernd spoke a prayer over the casket n then whenever he had everbidys a tenshun, he startid tellin thangs bout uncle buster.

n one of the furst thangs he mentshunned wuz how uncle buster used to always say 'ye aint born all grown up.' n frum that he made a hole sermun n seem lack it twuz a'hittin home with me. n he spoke bout whut kinda man uncle buster wuz n how he wuz always trine to improov hisself n be a lil more n how he wood add mitt whenever he wuz wrong, n he wood say, 'well, ye aint born all grown up.'

n then that preechur tole many of the good thangs uncle buster did, the peeple he helped, the loans he fergut, the whiskey he shared, witch everbidy laffed whenever the revernd sed that.

n then he sed he reckoned twuz true how ye aint born all grown up, but ye gut to be lack uncle buster n keep a'growin till the day ye die. n mayhap ifn ye do, ye kin die all grown up.

n that gut me headed the rite die reckshun fer a bit. i gut out of the mental health clink n wuz a doin purty good.

then one cold day in december i called darlene n ast could we git a deevorce, n i wonted her to say no we couldnt, but she sed she guessed we oughta but she wuz busy jes then n woodnt be able to do nuthin bout the deevorce till sprang. n that seemed so hartless n cold, so i tole her, only she couldnt unnerstan the big hurry.

n whenever she sed that, i could see how our deevorce wuz jes anuther thang lack goin to the dentist, sumthin she wood half to face sooner or later. n seem lack i gut sadder n sadder n gut to whar i knew she wuz rite n that deevorce wuz jes one more thang to be dun. how i wished twuz over or never had to be.

n then i gut to wishin the same thang bout myself. i could be over or never half to be. n i wuz astin myself whuts the point of bein alive ifn ye cant feel nuthin but pain?

bout then i wuz cumin up on k-25. n whut happened next wuznt sumthin i planned or even knew i wuz a'gone do till the mint i dun it. seemed lack i wuz jes a thankin bout her n how i hurt n how i wonted to hurt her jes as bad. n then i sed i wonted to know whut cums nex after this life. n then i shouted i wonted the pain to be over. n i jammed on the gas n twisted the steerin wheel to the rite n crashed hed on into a tree. n deesurved to be ded, but wuz barly hurt even tho the injun wuz steemin in the frunt seat. twuz a miracle.

or mayhap twernt, but when i had crawled out the window n felt the splash of rain on my face n herd the echo of my voice sreamin fer damnayshun n reelized i had been turnt down, well, i startid into feelin blessed n realizin that life itself is the miracle.

n i felt brand new, as ifn i had dun been reborn.

i walked out in the rain n thumbed a ride to oak ridge. a pickup truck full of miners stopped n picked me up. they saw the blood on my face n shirt n they could see the car steamin next to the tree, so they ast whut happened. i tole em i had lost control of the car in the rain n the driver sed i wuz lucky n i needed to be keerful. i tole him i wuz a'gone to be real keerful frum then on. then i sed i speckted i wood make more miss takes.

n he ast how cum, n i sed on a counta ye aint born all grown up.

n everbidy wuz quite fer a mint, n then the driver sed he allowed twuz true, n he sed he lacked the sayin, n he ast whut twuz n i repeated it. n we drove to oak ridge n i gut out n fainted.

n the driver stayed n when i cum around he sed he reckoned he wood git movin, but he jes stood lookin down at me.

'i lack that one,' he sed, n i ast him witchn. 'ye aint born all grown up. it bears repeatin.' then he lef n i wuz alone. n that wuz the momint i grew up a nuff to know i wood survive frum the pain of loosin darlene.

tiz many a year since then, n i still aint all grown up.

life of buddy don, chaptur 30:
lawsy day

as ye git older one of the main thangs ye member bout folks is thar sayins. this is speshly true bout yer relativs on a counta ye wood here em usin sayins whenever ye wuz too lil to know that sayins wuz whut they wuz. ye mite coulda thought they wuz jes talk.

then later on in life long cums one of them sayins to remind ye of sumbidy.

grandie, fer instunts. she used to sit out under the shade tree on a hot day sippin ice tea while we wuz a'playin in the yard. n ever now n agin she wood sigh n say 'lawsy day.' n whenever she wuz furst a'sayin it, i couldnt thank why.

then the first nite i spent in the house in kingston, after eli n brew had finely lef, i wuz sprized to here myself heave up a big ole sigh n say 'lawsy day.' n that made me thank bout grandie n wunder how twood have made her feel to know i wuz deevorcin frum darlene.

corse the furst nite i wuz thar, twernt lack our plan wuz that we wuz deevorcin. leest that wernt the way we splained it.

twuz summer in 1974 n heres the logick of the argumint darlene n me wuz makin. she wuz about to be a senyur in collidge. i wuz still plannin on goin to roane state in the fall. twuz a hardship on me havin to drive so far. magine how easy twood be if i wuz livin in kingston n she wuz livin in a dorm. jes fer her senyur year. and besides, n we had us a open marrg. i thank ye git the drift.

mama wood say 'bewar of whut ye wont' n she mint ye wuz a'fixin to git it. whenever i wuz lil, seem lack she wuz a sayin 'bewar of whut ye wont' on a counta i wuz actin up n astin fer a whippin. then whenever i tole her bout wontin to see places n do thangs, she wood say 'bewar of whut ye wont' n then it seemed lack a good thang, lack she wuz a promisin me my dreams wuz a'gone cum true.

then later on, darlene n me, we hatched us that plan on me a'movin to kingston n her to the dorms, and i caint lie bout how twuz. thay wuz thangs i wuz a wontin even ifn they wernt thangs i wuz spozed to be a'havin. n one of em wuz gretchen, witch she n the other three gurls frum the farm cum over the nite after i had dun moved darlene into the dorm, witch i dint move till the next day. so ye mite could say i specktid thangs mite wurk out with gretchen n mayhap one them shotgun tokes wood turn into a kiss.

corse darlene had her reasons too on a counta she had dun made the quaintunts of her future husbin, witch that wood be professer william streicher, only he ast me to call him bill the time we met. she had dun tole me she wuz in luv with him. but she also tole me she wuz confused on a counta she wuz in luv with me jes as much as him n i wuz her furst n all. i wont lie. i shoulda bin hurt whenever she wuz a'tellin me this, but whut i felt wuz a jolt of egcitemint in my belly on a counta i wuz thankin bout gretchen. so as ye kin see, my hart wuz confusd by my lust n my hed wuz confused by my hart.

n thats how we cum to the conclushun that we mite should seprate, witch thats whut we dun.

i had to tell mama n when i did she sed, 'bewar of whut ye wont.'

so with a lawsy day i looked round at everythang i had, witch we had dun bought us about everthang a bidy could wont fer the house. tv. stereo. lp records. couch. chars. coffee table. kitchin junk. a set of pliances. bed. ptichers to hang on the wall. books n bookcases. everthang ye could wont. ceptn twuz powerful lonesum n lawsy day wuz makin sense to me.

then i gut to wunderin whut wood daddy say bout i n i knew twood be 'this too shall pass.' n i give thatn sum thought n figgered he wuz rite. wernt no reason to git down in the dumps jes after a'gittin jes whut ye wonted.

daddy wuz full of sayins to hep ye git through thangs. 'aint nuthin ever as good or bad as it seems.' thatn seemd to set rite well with 'this too shall pass,' so i tuck out a few otherns lack 'whut dont kill lye makes ye stronger' n 'ifn thay wuz no hard times, good times wood seem hard' n 'ye kin fine the good or the bad in innythang, so witchn will it be?' n 'ye gone curse the dark or lite a candle.'

n them sayins had me up n a'bangin on the peeano. daddy also used to say that ye git thru life by always havin sumthin to look ford to lack fishin or playin golf, witch he lacked to play golf but i dint even tho we played many a time. n i membered him a'talkin bout havin thangs to look ford to as i wuz a bangin on the peeano n i thought to myself i wuz a gone see gretchen the verr nex day n i wood look ford to that.

but thangs dint wurk out jes the way i wuz specktin to on a counta i had gut my bruther brew to cum out to the farm.

brew wuz 2 years youngern eli n fer sum reason he never played with us much whenever we wuz lil. now he wuz growd n seem lack we had sum thangs in common lack how we luved to fish n hike n camp n jes be outdoors, n after he n eli had dun helped me move all them thangs over to kingston, we put on harvest by neil young n lit us a joint.

direckly i gut to tellin em bout lil dude northfleet n how much i luved to ride. i ast em did they ever wonta cum out to the farm, n corse eli sed no, witch he had dun had his transformayshun by then n ye couldnt hardly git im to do nuthin. brew wuz differnt. i tole him how much fun we had n how we wood race em n i wuz braggin how lil dude northfleet n me could beat inny horse on the farm without even a bridle in his mouth ner saddle on his back ner nuthin. so he sed he could cum out n since he wuz wurkin day shif how bout mundy?

so next day long bout 4:45 here he cum in his datsun 240z n still a'wearin his uniform, witch he wuz a gard out at y-12. n soons he hollered out 'hey bro' them four gurls wuz all over him, n ye kin see why on a counta he gut the looks in the fambly with his green eyes n curly har n tall lanky frame, witch he wuz leest six feet three.

we saddled up sum horses n rode up to the tree n purt soon i seen whar gretchen wuz a'sittin over by him apart frum us n she wuz astin did the gun have bullets n he wuz a'showin her how twurked. n i could see he wuz powrful happy.

then he ast bout whuther he couldnt move in with me on a counta we could split the rent n thay wuz 2 bedrooms n he wonted to git out of the house n quit livin with mama, witch she could be a bit much, n i sed twood be a pleshur to have him.

n i wuz a thankin twood hep beat down the lonliness, but twernt a munth befor gretchen moved in. n twuz a mitey tortchur to bar. she lacked to git hi bettern innybidy i ever met n ifn we wuz alone whenever she wuz hi she flurted lack crazy, witch that happend too often on a counta brew wurked swang shif. n that led to a bad momint whenever i ast her wuz she really in luv with brew or wuz she a'wontin sumthin with me n she put on a ack lack she wuz shocked n that made thangs rathur uncumfterbull tween us.

i gut em to switch my schedule at wurk to graveyard shif n that mint i dint run into gretchen much a tall n whenever brew wuz on midnites we would smoke a bowl together, witch i started lacking pipes whenever virgil cum out of the army n give me that meershum pipe he got in turkey. n we wood discuss thangs, n i could see he wuz a'gittin on the seryus side of luvin gretchen.

n that led to me a'talkin bout darlene, n that led to such an achin in my hart till i dint know how i could go on.

lawsy day.

musikul review: jethro burns

ye might member a rant i dun a while back called 'covers n owe ridgnals' whar i wuz statin that i lacked owe ridgnal musik bettern covers, n fer the mos part, thats so, speshully whenever i git out to see live musik. my main point wuz that ifn yer gone do a cover of sum song thats dun been writ n proovd, ye need to do sumthin to make it yer own.

thays a man name of jethro burns, witch he wuz born kenneth c burns in conasauga tennessee, witch thats in polk county, n he mite not be the bes mandlin picker ever wuz, but he's amung em. mos folks, ifn theyve ever herd of jethro burns a tall, dun herd of him on a counta he had a grate band with a nuther guy frum east tennessee name of henry d haines, witch they called him 'homer.' they met each other whenever they wuz 12 years old n competin at a pickers contest. they lost the contest but they wuz put into a band called the string dusters by wnox, witch they used to play musik. they made friends n started em a group called homer n jethro.

they dun lots of covers only they made em owe ridgnals by changin up the wurds n makin em funny, sorta lack weerd al yankovic decades befor thay wuz a al yankovic.

i member em sorta only in them daze i wuz resistunt to innythang cuntry n had to ack lack i wuz embarrsd by em. n thats a shame. fer one thang, they wuz noted fer sayin 'today we feel we have a great future behind us, and we have never let failure go to our heads.' ye wood thank ida picked up on sumbidy that honest but i hated cuntry musik too much to give it a chants.

but i gut over it n tuck up mandlin playin my ownself n twernt long befor i discoverd jes how amazin jethro burns playin is.

n that brangs me to a nuther thang thats verr nice nowadays n that is thanks to the inventshun of the cd, they dun put out lots of musik ye used to couldnt git. n ifn ye wonta here two of the bes cds of musik ever recordid, then ye need to git a copy of 'swing low, sweet mandolin' n 'bye bye blues' by jethro burns. ye wont git nuthin but worl class pickin of a passel of jazz n swang classiks, n thays jes two pickers on eethur album, tuthern bein the gittar picker don stiernberg, witch hes amazin his ownself. they dont do much of nuthin ceptn covers, but they make em thar own.

heres whut ye do ifn ye wonta fine out bout this kinda musik:

1. buy bof em cds

2. git ye a bottle of jack daniels

3. pore ye a shot or two into a glass

4. dont deeloot yer whiskey with ice

5. put on swang low sweet mandlin

6. turn the stereo up!

7. sip yer whiskey n listn hard

8. n corse tiz better ifn yer baby is thar with ye

9. switch to bye bye blues

10. repeat

ye wont regret it!