Wednesday, August 27, 2003

life of buddy don, chaptur 43:
breakin a triangle

thay wuz this group of young folk bout my age in oak ridge that had em a house off highland avenue. witch twuz on a street called homer circle n that mint the group wuz purty much called the homer circle gang. thay wuz a lil prefab house thar n thats whar they wood gather to play thar musickul instrumints n talk n git hi n such lack. i gut to whar i wuz hauntin the place purty reglar on a counta i met this woman name of laura russell.

she wuz a studint at roane state community collidge n i met her down in the lounge whar all the kids wood set tween thar classes or jes hang out thar to see who mite drop by. i lacked to sit in the lounge n read while i wuz a'waitin fer class. i wood watch the gurls n wunder why twuz i couldnt seem to find one to go with me more reglar lack. thay wuz a number of em that wuz so easy on the eye ye could magine bein happy with em till ye gut to know em n figgered out thay wuz a passel of thangs ye wood wonta change, n thars one rule ye kin take to the bank n grave, n that is ye cant change nobidy but yerself, ifn yer lucky nuff to do even that. so i wood tend to git a crush on one till i gut to no her n then i could see twernt wurth the changes i wood have to make to git along.

i dint hardly notice her at furst. mayhap twuz on a counta she dint whar no makeup n dressed in nuthin but blue jeans n flannel shirts n boots, but thay wuz a conversayshun gut goin bout samuel peeps, witch he wuz the guy who kept a diary back in the 16 hunnerts. i wuz jes a half listnin n dint have much to say on the topick on a counta i dint know who this peeps wuz at the time. then sumbidy sed they dint thank folks kep diaries inny more n both laura n me sed 'yes they do' at the same time, n that gut us each to notice tuther. turnt out she had dun been ritin a diary since 1970 n i had been a'keepin one since 1967.

we made friends over it, n thats how i gut to be part of the homer circle gang, tho i never fit in on a counta i dint have no stranged instermints n nobidy had a mandlin to lend me, not to mentchun how i hadnt touched one since befor i marrd darlene, n thay wuz no peeano in the place, so whenever they gut to pickin, i wuz lef to listnin n watch n that wuz fine. corse, since laura dint play no instermint a tall n gut so we wood sit near each other n listen n purty soon gut so whenever they gut a'goin good we wood go out on the porch n drank ezra brooks whiskey.

i should mentchun rite here how she wuz marrd to a man name of kenny black, witch he wuz a gentl man who wuz a'larnin to pick guitar a bit, n whenever the pickin cummenced, he wood be trine so hard to keep up he woodnt never know ifn laura n me wuz in the room or whut. n thang wuz, i dint reelize they wuz marrd fer the longest on a counta how she woodnt take his name. i ast her bout that soons i knew they wuz marrd n she sed twuz on a counta twernt no reel marrg n she wuz dun jaded on luv n mos everthang ye could mentchun ceptn ye mite could wunder why she wuz a'wontin to hang out with me.

i reckon ye mite could say she wuz verr cunfused on that'n. i could see she lacked me a lot n wonted to spend as much time as she could with me. kenny lived in harriman n she wood stay with her folks often as not, witch they lived in oak ridge up on outer drive on east of illinois avenue. so twuz natcherul that she wood need a ride to skool in the mornin n purty soon twuz my habit to give it to her ifn she wuz in need of it.

but the main thang that gut us a'goin with each other wuz our diaries. we talked a lot bout em n whuther they wuz good fer innythang other than lettin off hot air.

one evenin, the musick wuz a'goin lack crazy. seem lack they gut stuck on that song rollin in my sweet babys arms fer most of the evenin, so we went out on the porch n started passin the ezra to each other. twuz a beeyootiful fall evenin, jes warm a nuff whar ye dint need a jacket but jes chilly a nuff whar a cuple of folk mite sit a bit closer to keep frum a'gittin a chill, n seem lack bout the thurd time we passed the ezra, she wuz a leanin rite agin me. she had a verr nice smell to her n seem lack it went rite thru me till i wonted to put my arms round her n bury my nose in her neck n maybe kiss her thar, n mayhap i dun it n mayhap she even wood turn jes in time to catch my lips on hers. n we wood kiss but then brake apart whenever they wuz between songs.

twuz such a momint, the sudden silence after the last chord, the laffin n hootin n hollerin n all, so we moved apart reel quick lack n she sed, loud sos kenny could here't ifn he wuz a lisnin, bout whuther i thought keepin a diary wuz good fer innythang. twuz a old topic, but dint nobidy know whuther we had dun talked it out, so i tole her i thought they wuz on a counta seemed lack i had larnt a lot bout ritin n bout myself frum a'keepin it.

so that made her ast did i ever read mine, n ye mite thank that wuz a stoopid questchun ceptn fack is, i hadnt never dun it. i add mitted as much. n she ast wuz i fraid to read it, n i sed i dint thank so, jes that i druther rite sumthin new than read sumthin old.

by then kenny wuz at the screen door a lookin out at the porch. i wuz leanin agin one post of the stairs n she wuz a leanin tuther way, n i held up the bottle, so kenny cum out n tuck a drank offn it. then he ast laura did she wonta go n she sed she wuznt tarrd in the least. then she ast wuz he tarrd n he sed he had sum studyin he needed to git up n do the next day. whenever i herd that lame egscuse, witch the next day wuz saturdy n that mint he had all weekend to study, i gut up n sauntered down to the sidewalk sos they could have em room to fuss n fite ifn need be.

twuz one of them mean fuss n fites whar neethur side is willin to raze thar voices n i felt fer kenny on a counta he wuz in luv n dint know how to ack lack he wuznt intrested in laura n thang is, them rules bout women wurks even when yer marrd to em. n he had dun give up trine to treat her lack he dint care no more, n he wuz down to the despert level of treatin her bout as nice as a man kin do n then a'gittin mad on a counta how she dint even seem to care whut he dun fer her, dint have no appreciashun fer his sackrifices.

ye kin take thisn fer gospel n that is, whenever one side is stoopin to the level of accusin tuther of not being properly grateful fer whut the one side is n has been a doin, tis too late fer doin thangs to make much differnts. such tackticks leads to resentmint, not gratitude n never to ackshul luv. i know that now on a counta i dun made kennys miss take more times than i kin count. mayhap ifn i finish this hole tale, i'll go back n make a count of the times i wuz stoopid thataway.

whut happent in this case wuz laura hollered at me n ast wood i give her a ride home n she knew the anser befor she ast, so i sed shure. n poor kenny looked at me lack he wood a shot me ifn his guitar hadda been a shotgun. in sted, he made a huge miss take, witch twuz to ast her whut she could see in me innyway.

that made her mad in the hit dog hollers sense of the wurd on a counta she wuznt add mittin she wuz a'seein innythang in me or havin them feelins fer me nor nuthin lack that, n she dint lack it that he had dun figgered out that she wuz. she dint anser him but jes gut up n walked over to me n handed me the bottle n ast did i wonta go down to the lake sos we could talk without bein interrupted. n she sed it loud a nuff fer kenny to here't n i wish't she hadnt but fack wuz, i wonted to go park innywhar with her n the lake wuz hi on the list.

so we walked over to my car n she hollered out to dave roberts, witch he wuz more or less the rangleader of the homer circle gang on a counta he wuz the one payin the rent, n ast him to come over n have a bite off'n the ezra. n he dun it, n then she ast dave to splain to kenny that she wood be sleepin in oak ridge. she dint say at her folks n ye could see dave wonted to ast did she mean at her parnts house on a counta he n kenny wuz close friends, but he dint say nuthin.

so we drove down twords melton hill n she wuz laffin n a'gittin more drunk n slappin me on the right thigh whenever she had a good point to make.

whenever we gut thar, i wuz thankin bout mayhap she wood let me kiss her, but twernt her plan. we gut out of the car n went to sit on a a picnic table to look at the lake. twuz a clear nite with no moon n a millyun stars out.  n she sed she had a proposal fer me. n then we bof laffed n she sed twernt a marrg proposal n i sed twuz good on a counta her already bein marrd. then she sed her proposal wuz that ifn i wood let her read my diary, she wood let me read hers.

i made a joke bout wuz it rite to git so intimate so quick n she laffed n sed i should kiss her then n i did n she kissed me back n purty soon she leaned back on the table n pullt me on top of her n we kissed sum more n then we shifted sumhow to whar she could feel how i wuz a'gittin wurked up n soons she felt that, she gut to pushin me away. so i ast whut wuz rong n she sed sumthin lack sex ruins everthang, speshly relayshunships.

ifn i had been born all grown up, i wooda sed then that thar wernt much reason to keep on spendin time together. but in them daze, whut she sed only made me wont her more. ackshly, it made me wont sex with her more only by that point, i couldnt tell if twuz her i wonted or jes to git her to say yes.

but whut i dun wuz agree to swappin diaries n then we drank sum more n talked n purty soon she wuz a'startin to nod, so i tuck her to her parnts house n let her out. n next day i red my own diaries so i could see whut she wood be a seein.

n that made me near sick. i could barely bleev my eyes, n twuz a shameful thang to see how i fell fer most ever trick n then rote my side down lack i wuz the one in charge. n i wuz ashamed of all the bad ritin in it, but thar wuz no way out by then, so whenever we wuz a'drivin to skool on mundy, i give her all eight of the notebooks i had filled up till then. that set her back a bit on a counta hers wuz only two lil notebooks, the kind ye git in a english class.

but i tuck em innyway n by the next day i had dun red em, but she dint wonta talk bout em till she had red mine. n turnt out she wuz takin notes on it, n purty soon we wood spend our lounge time out on the porch whar she wood read me whut she had writ bout what i had writ, n thang wuz, she wuz a'fallin in luv with the person she wuz makin frum my diaries, witch that wuznt the same person i wuz.

thats a bit of a conundrum, aint it? i wonted her by then more'n i could member a'wontin innybidy, witch thats the simple operayshun of rule #5, the sex ye wont most is the sex ye never git. but i kep thankin i wood have to git it sooner or later on a counta she wuz makin plans that included me.

one thang she gut frum whut she red wuz how i wonted to git out of tennessee n see sum of the worl. dint seem to matter whar. new york. europe. colombia. japan. whutever place ye mite name, thar wuz a chants i had dun hoped to go thar. n she wuz hopin to go sumwhars also, n the place she wonted to go wuz europe whar she wonted to git a pass whar ye kin take inny trane to innywhar long as twuz within sartin countries, n i lacked the idee a lot, so we begun a plannin it.

ye kin jes magine how that made kenny feel bout me n thangs. i speckted him to hate me, but he tuck a nuther track, witch he made friends with me n gut to whar he wood cum over n git me to play peeano for him or even fer the two of us to play together. n it gut so i lacked him a lot.

he wuz the one sed to me that the biggest problem in the cuntry wuz the disparty of wealth, n i sed i hadnt never noticed it, n he sed sumthin bout even the robber barons figgered they only needed lack 20 times as much as the wurkers in thar plants. n he sed twood be a good thang ifn thar wuz a law that sed the one who made the most in a cumpny could only make lack five times as much as the one who made the least n he claimed that wuz sumthin solon had cum up with, witch solon wuz a greek who did his ritin durin the golden age of greece. he bleeved real democracy mint sumthin closer to equalty tween rich n poor n he also pointed out how the economy wood wurk lots better ifn everbidy had a lil more money than they needed to git thar daily bread on a counta the more they wood buy, the more the economy wood grow, but ifn nobidy had no money ceptn a nuff to get the basics, then thar woodnt be as much of a economy. n he wood say thangs lack, member henry ford n the power of sellin lots of thangs fer a lil money ruther than a few thangs fer a lot.

as ye kin see, he wuz way ahead of me in lots of thangs, n now that i thank back on it, the conversayshuns we had stuck with me a lot longer than innythang laura had writ or sed or done.

but that dint stop me frum a'wontin her, even when i had dun red her diary n could see she wuznt nearly as deep as she seemed to be. n it brought me down that she had writ bout me n sed she thought she had dun found the anser on a counta i wuz a man who cared for her mind not her sex. n whenever i red it, i knew she had it egzackly backwards. i wuznt that intrested in her mine but i shore nuff did wonta touch her n have sex with her.

twernt to be. oh, we kep ridin back n forth to skool n makin plans bout europe, but by then, seemed lack i wuz on the defense n purty soon she got sos she noticed it, n then rule #3 kicked in, witch that the one says a woman is attracted to a man who aint intrested, speshly if he treats her bad. i wuznt treatin her bad so much as makin more time for kenny than i wuz makin fer her, n gut so the only time i wood see her wuz whenever she needed a ride to wurk.

then she invited me down to tellico to camp out fer the weekend n i could see she wuz a'gone have sex with me. i reckon thar wuz sumthin in me that wuz a'changin on a counta whenever she dun that, i sed i wood go, n then i ast kenny did he wonta go too n i sed my tent wuz big a nuff fer three, n he coulda kissed me he wuz so grateful.

so we went, n whenever he showed up, ye could see she wuz bout as pissed off as she could be, only she wuz mad at him, not me. i tole her i had invited him, n that made her even madder at him. but i tole him he should stay n he had dun brought a canoe, so he sed he wood. n fack wuz, the three of us had a nice time on the river, paddlin n fishin. caught a nuff trout fer dinner n i showed em how ye fixed em with cornmeal n crisco n they sed twuz a good a meal as ever they had et.

n we set round the far n shared sum ezra n purty soon kenny tuck out his guitar n wuz playin n i gut to sangin a lil harmonies with him, n ye could see twuz a drivin laura over the edge. she sed she needed to take a walk, n kenny ast did she wont cumpny, n she sed she did only not him.

twuz a verr uncomfertabull momint. i dint much wonta go eethur, but she sed c'mon bud, i need to talk. n i looked over to kenny n he sed fuck her only he mint he dint care no more. n i could see he really dint, only she couldnt so we tuck a walk n purty soon we wuz a kissin n a'gittin wurked up till we wuz touchin places we hadnt never touched befor. n then she started pullin off my shirt, n thats when i sprize my ownself by sayin i dint thank twuz the place or time. n that jes made her hotter than befor, but i sed we needed to git back.

so we did n poor kenny wuz in his sleepin bag in the tent, a way over on one side of it, so we gut in our sleepin bags n she ast should we put em together to make one n i sed mine dint wurk thataway, witch that wuz a lie n she spotted it n it made her mad but whut could she do?

then in the middle of the nite, i woke n found she wuz a kissin my neck n that gut me a'goin in a instunt n i kissed her back fer a bit till i woke up a nuff to here kenny snore. i dint have no cloze on ceptn my underwear n purty soon she had her hand down thar, n thats when i gut up n sed i had to go, n she hit me, n that woke kenny up. he ast whut time twuz, n i sed twuz time fer me to go n that woke him up more.

he looked out the tent n sed twuz still dark, n i sed twuz, but twoodnt be fer long. i ast him wood he brang my tent to me n he sed he wood.

n bout the time i gut to my car, here cum laura n she wuz a wunderin whut i thought i wuz a'doin n i tole her i wuz a'goin home on a counta twernt rite whut wuz a'happnin. n i tole her i wuznt a'gonna go to europe with her nor nuthin. n she ast wuz it over between us n i sed i reckoned so only it hadnt ever truly begun.

then i tole her that i lacked kenny too much to treat him thataway. fack wuz, i lacked him more'n i did her, n i tole her twuz on a counta he wuz honest n a deep thanker n she had probly missed it. n she sed she knew he wuz smart n all, but i sed she jes wuznt a'gittin whut i wuz sayin n probly she woodnt know whut she had till she had dun lost it. n she ast did i mean me, n i sed i mint kenny.

then i sed n i wuz sorry fer her since kenny wuz purty much a'gittin tired of her n wonted to find a way out, n he had even ast me wood i take her offn his hands sos he could be free. twuz a bald faced lie, but she fell fer it n turned on her heel n tole me to go to hell. n soons i got down the road a bit, i gut to thankin i had give up on hell of a woman. but that wuz only on a counta i couldnt have her then.

they say a triangle is the strongest form in architeckchur. but ifn ye take out one side, tuther two will fall rite together. n thats whut happened. purty soon they had em a chile on the way, n next time i saw her, she wuz a usin the name laura black. n the triangle wuz broke.

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