Friday, August 08, 2003

life of buddy don, chaptur 37:
the jew fer jesus


whenever i had jes clumb outta my car into the rain on that awful nite, i fell down on my knees n thanked the lord fer lettin me live. i had a bonus life n i knew it n no matter how low i mite feel, i wood always thank back on that nite. n sumtimes i wood even drive out to that tree n touch its wound, witch twuz hardly a scratch n my car wuz ded. i later saw the hulk of that car skwushed up to nuthin ridin thru oak ridge on the back of a truck.


so that tree wuz strong n whenever i wuz feelin too weak or down, i lacked to visit n touch it. n seem lack whenever i did, twood set me rite n i wood know thar had to be a reason i wuz alive. i wood look at my fangers n thank bout whut wunders they is n how amazin the presents everbidy gut on thar furst birthday, n i mint thangs lack eyes n ears n such. tiz a miracle.


in them daze i thought the reason god kep me alive wuz on a counta the way i could rite songs. i wood play fer innybidy that wood come over. since i dint have no way of movin my peeano to play in places that dint have em, i purty much only played at home or at that coffee shop. n whenever eli cum over, i wood make him listn, n after a while he tole a frien of his about me n he cum over n wonted to start a band.


he wuz a jew name of sam coen n he wuz jes 18 n seem lack he wuz jes a kid. n he gut to whar he wood follow me round n whenever i moved from kingston to oak ridge, he wuz happy on a counta he lived thar too.


he played acoustic guitar n fack wuz, we never could play out together on a counta the peeano problem n he dint have a amp yet, witch he wuz a'savin up fer one. so we wood play over to my place n practice a equal number of his songs n mine, witch he had only writ two songs so he wuz willin to do three of mine. that wuz the kind of thang twuz. he wood use me havin three songs to move him to ritin a nuthern, only dint wurk. fack is, we dint play all that much musik tugether.


but we did hang out, n twuz a rude sprize to larn he knew martha frum whenever he wuz a'wurkin at shoneys big boy restrunt n he had been in luv with her n they had dun it oncet, witch she wuz his furst but she woodnt never let him have no more on a counta she had tole him she wonted a virgin but no cummitmint. but that dint do him no good on a counta he had feelins that woodnt go away.


n whenever he furst tole me bout her, twuz all i could do to keep my face strate on a counta i wuz seein her purty reglar long bout then.


but as thangs happened, the times martha wuz free sam wuz a wurkin. so i wood sumtimes see her on a fridy afternoon n then see him that evnin, on a counta our frienship wuz sorta fridy n saterdy nite thang on a counta me wurkin graveyards.


n we wood hang out n talk bout god n magick n witchcraft n the kabala n the taro n i ching n all kinds of thangs i wuz a'studyin n he wuz innerested in inny speckulayshun ye could cum up with on the subjeck of god n the hereafter n spirits.


in them daze i had the practiss of reedin taro cards fer folks. i wood always tell em twuz a game n twernt real n so furth, but that dint stop em frum thankin i had the talent, witch i dint far as i could tell. n sam seem lack he wonted one bout ever week only i dint bleev in givin em too often so that jes made him wont to have em red more.


n thar cum a nite that he gut me to read em n it cum out he wuz a gone find enlitemint. ackshly, it cum out lack always with bout fifty differnt ways to read whut they sed n i tole him that on a counta i knew that wuz whut he wuz a hopin fer n trine to do n i hoped to put his mine at res. n i sed the reglar wurds bout it wuz jes a game, n that made him all the more sartin.


thay wuz lots of drugs n oak ridge in them daze n sike a delicks were whut mos everbidy wonted to git. ye couldnt hardly git ackshul lsd or acid but ye mite git mescalin or payotee or sillasibin mushrooms.


now sam wonted to trip sum kinda way more'n innybidy i ever met. he bleevd he wuz a gone fine god ifn only he could trip, n i tride to tell him twood only make him more confused n the anser aint in a drug or twooda been discovert way long time ago. n he pointed out thay wuz new drugs, n couldnt god have inspired the drug maker? n that wood git us a goin n we would carry on bout whuther ye could git enlitenmint thru drugs or magick or whutever, but he wuz set on drugs.


brew had a frien frum skool name of will, witch i dont member if i ever knew his last name. brew tole us he had sum mushrooms only he wonted too much fer em but sam sed he wood pay mos innythang so brew tole him not to tell will that n sam ast me wood i neegosheeate the deal. n thats whut i dun.


twuz bout 10 pm on a fridy nite whenever we gut em, n sam wonted to eat them mushrooms jes a quick as we could. will sed they wood take bout a hour to git a'goin n we wood be up all nite, n sam sed that wuz ok by him, n i sed we could drive out to melton hill park, n thats whut we dun.


we started gittin off a bit on the drive out, but twernt nuthin to whut wuz to cum. that happened after we gut thar n lit a joint n lay back n stared at the sky, witch twuz clear as could be n thay wuz no lites around so ye could see ferever.


n thats whut we dun the hole trip, witch we wood git up to walk around n pee ever so often, but we kep cummin back to lay back n look up. n sam wuz moved to tell me he wuz feelin god n he wuz sure he wuz a'havin the egsperience n all.


then long bout 3 am he ast the time, n whenever i tole him he jumped up n sed we hadda leev that mint, he had to git home.


i could see he woodnt be calmed, so i gut up n we gut the car n wuz a drivin away when we cum to a barrier that sed stop. it kinda looked lack we were locked in fer the nite, n whenever sam figgered thatn out, ye could see he wuz a fixin to cry. n i reminded him bout god n tole him sum the thangs i wuz tole in church on a counta ye could see he dun fergot he wuz a'gittin the relijus egsperience.


n he cawt on to whut i wuz a'sayin in two shakes n he gut quite n ast me to tell him more, so i gut onto the one bout ifn innythang has a meanin then everythang mus have one too n even that stop sine mus have sum meanin. i give him the hole predestinayshun thang on god a'knowin everthang incloodin the futchur.


n jes lack that he jumped to the cunclooshyun that ifn god knew everthang n created everthang then everthang mus be setup by god to have meanin by god fer evertbidy n the wunder wuz he could set it up fer so many folks all at the same time on a counta they wuz all in differnt places in frames of mind.


as ye kin see, he could talk. i tole him he wuz makin sense n i tole sum the stories of jesus n sam jes couldnt git a nuff. we gut to faith n how it makes it possbull to do thangs, n he sed he had faith he could move that stop sine.


so we gut outta the car n walked over toot, n shure a nuff, sam spotted whar he could jes open it up, n he sed that wuz the meanin of that trip. n he sed that wuz the reason twuz thar, to show him that all he hadda do wuz open the gate an go in.


n frum that he becum a jew fer jesus. n that made him quit playin musick or hangin round with me, n seem lack twuz a year or more till nex time i saw him. he wuz walkin round downtown oak ridge a trine to git peeple to jesus, n he wuz advertisin how he wuz a jew fer jesus. n whenever he spotted me, he cum over n we talked.


i ast him how did his folks feel bout this, n he sed they hated it, but that dint matter. n he tole me he wuz cuncernt fer my sole on a counta how i wuz a'livin. n he even gut on me bout them taro cards n how could i read em knowin theys frum the devil. n i tole him i dint bleev lack that, n that set him off on the bibl n we wuz disputin it right thar in downtown oak ridge till thar wuz a crowd a gathrin, n that made me tell him i wuz happy fer him.


n i walked away. ye mite could say i had won the argumint, lease on the way daddy wood score it, but i wuz feelin low. so i drove out to that tree n put my hand on the scar n my knees on the ground, n i ast fer god to show me witch way to go sum kinda way. n i waited, a hopin sumthin mite happen, but it never did.


or mayhap it did, i tole myself, mayhap everthang i do, ever miss take i make, wuz all mint to be so i wood larn whutever twuz god wonted me to know. n when i thought lack that i wonted to laff on a counta that wuz more sams argumint than mine.


fack is, when i look back at the wild life i wuz a livin, i shudder. tiz a wunder i survived a tall.

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