wandering hillbilly

life of buddy don, chaptur 51:
how i cum to do bizness in the valley

one of the sad thangs bout humans is how they'll do thangs they knows is wrong jes to impress other folk n twuz a problem fer me as well. thang is, i lacked it when folks told me i had 'this power' even ifn i knew i wuznt nuthin speshul. n i lacked the way randy fox kep sayin i had the biggest balls of innybidy he had ever met. he wood say, 'shoot the devil, dunc, dont ye ever show fear?' twuz as big a sprize to me as twuz to him on a counta i wuz feelin afraid often as not during sum of the stoopid thangs we dun.

sumthin that tuck up lots of everbidys time wuz trine to keep a good cunneckshun fer theevil weed n other drugs that everbidy wuz wontin. seem lack i smoked more in pursoot of a deal than i did in pursoot of a hi. this wuz jes after colombian reefer wuz ever whar, 'redbud' they called it, n it drove the price up frum a purty reglar $20 fer a ounce to a steddy $35. that wuz a lil rich fer mos folks, so they wuz always trine to go in together on a quarter or a pound on a counta ye could git a quarter fer as lil as $100 or a pound fer $200, ifn ye could find it.

corse, ye could find home grown purty easy only nobidy knew then how good twuz. n ye could git that slow actin jamaican now n then, but twuz hard to sell on a counta mos folks couldnt tell if twuz inny good till the nex day, n by then, twuz often gone elsewhar.

n they wuz argumints that turnt into fusses n fites over whuther 'the farm' or innybidy livin thar should do such deals. we had us the same cunundrum they got in these here united states, witch the question bout that is whuter ye a'gone have individjul freedum or sum kinda central rules. we figgered everbidy livin thar should be free to do whutever, but that nobidy shouldnt git the farm in truble.

thang wuz, everbidy on the farm ceptn jill wonted to git hi ever chants they could find, n without deals, thar wuz no smoke. thar also wuznt much in the way of money on a counta we had mortgage paymints that jes had to be made, n wernt nun of us makin much extry money, so thar wuz even the temptayshun to make a lil money as well as drivin down the cost.

or mayhap everthang i jes rote wuz the eggscuse we used to do whut we wonted to do innywho. i dont know, but randy fox n i dun a lil bizness fer a while n heres how it gut a'goin.

i dun mentchunned whitey frum k25, the guard with the grate conneckshuns. he ast me could i move ten lbs ifn i could git it n i dint wonta add mitt i had no idee who wood buy so much so i sed i wuz probly more lackly to sell it than he wuz to cum up with it. n corse, that gut him a'goin n he sed jes wait n see ifn he couldnt.

i tole randy bout whut he'd sed n randy claimed to have a friend up in chicago that had folks that could take the hole thang offn our hands. rite then i wonted to back out only i dint wont him to thank i wuz scairt, so i tole him ifn he could set his part up, i could set mine up, n we agreed to try it.

twuz near christmas of 1975 n i thank i dun mentchunned i wuz trine to git shed of betty lou when i realized she had outsmarted me by gittin me to go in with her on a christmas present fer jill, so we had to kindly spend time together up till the present had been opened. n she gut to whar she wood tease me till i wundered if thar could be innythang i wonted more.

fer eggzample, she wood have me over to her place n we wood be a'kissin in whutnot on her couch n then her mother wood cum in to say goodnite n that wood take a hour or so, n the hole time i wuz wurked up as could be n jes a'waitin fer mama to go to bed. n when she did, betty lou wood eggscuse herself n say she needed to git more comfy, n she wood go into her bedroom n cum out wearin a short skirt n nuthin under it, n that mint i could touch her till she melted but thay wuznt much she could do fer me in return. n i hated the way she wood tease me only i couldnt hardly stay away frum it on a counta it made me wont her jes that much more.

then whenever we had a nite we could spend together, all i could thank bout wuz how could i git rid of her? tiz pure crazy stuff, i know, but thats how thangs wuz.

n wurst is, i shouldnt be cumplainin. whut randy went thru wuz much wurser. i gut a good idee whenever we went to chicago, n that we dun on a counta much as i had hoped fer thangs to fall thru, they all cum up roses, n everthang wuz reddy fer us to leave on the day after christmas.

christmas eve wuz one of the busiest days ever. furst i had to git the stuff, witch mint drivin way out into the sticks whar thay aint no real rode lef till i cum to whiteys trailer n then i had to stow it, witch ye dont ritely notice how much ten lbs is till ye git wurrired bout whar ye could hide it. turnt out he couldnt git no 'bo,' witch everbidy gut to whar they wuz callin colombian reefer 'bo' since twuz short fer colombo, but only sum jamaican. everbidy at the farm wuz real happy we had found it only randy n me dint let on how much we had. we split up a lb n give everbidy a lil bag of thar own n they wuz satisfide.

then i had to move it frum my car to randys, witch he wuz wurkin on christmas eve a counta twuz a good day fer folks to buy late presents, stereos n such, n he wurked at a lecktronicks store. i drove to whar he had parked his car thar in jackson square n in broad daylite i moved the garbage bag of stuff frum my vw to his monte carlo on a counta we figgered twood be safer in his car.

then thar wuz christmas to git thru, n i say it thataway on a counta i wuz nervus as the runt of the litter frum the time i tuck the garbage bag frum whitey n jes wonted the hole thang to be over. we had a lil affair at my parnts house n then i went over to git betty lou n thay had em a lil affair thar n she gut about fifteen presunts frum her folks n i larnt bout her bruther who wuz deevorced but livin with the woman down in huntington alabama n turnt out he wuz 24 n in a worl of truble on a counta he owed chile support n couldnt afford it n the woman wuz 'bad news' but he had to live with her on a counta he dun made his own bed n he wuz jes a gonna half figger out how to sleep in it.

n that gut me to thankin bout how lucky i wuz not to be in such a situwayshun n how lucky twuz that trudy hadnt been pregnunt n how twuz stoopid fer me to be riskin everthang the way i wuz, but i dint see how i could git out of my bed inny easier than betty lous bruther could, least without spendin a nite or so in it.

n purty soon her mama n daddy had to go n she ast me to wait a mint while she changed n then she cum out in her new short skirt n sed guess whut she had underneath it n i sed panties n she sed no n i sed whut n she sed guess n i put my hand on her knee n sed mayhap i should investigate n she sed mayhap i should n i fell fer it n she lafft n sed she bet i dint eggspeck to find her a wearin no panties atall, n twuz true a nuff. n she teased me till she gut to squealin n moanin n my fangers wuz damp. n i had jes gut her to lay back n pull up her skirt when she spotted the clock n suddenly jumped up n sed her daddy wuz about to git up on a counta he wuz wurkin graveyards n that wuz a sprize on a counta twuz near 11:30, but she sed he dint take no time to git reddy.

n shore nuff, she gut herself stratened up jes in time fer him to cum out n say evenin to us. one of the odd thangs bout my datin his daughter wuz that he reported to a guy who wuz my peer at wurk n betty lou sed he wuz a lil wurried bout whut i thought of him, so he dint say nuthin bout us bein a lil disheveled thar on his couch. n betty lou wuz all concernt bout leevin me thataway only thar wuz nuthin she could do, n i had to git innywho since randy n i wonted to git on the rode.

it snowed lack crazy that nite n i had to add mire how randy jes kep a goin. in indianapolis the snow wuz cumin down so hard twuz a wunder we dint pull over lack mos folks, but fox jes kep a movin n even went down into the median dip to git round folks that wuz stopped. n the hole time i couldnt hep but wunder whut wuz i a'doin? all we needed wuz a acksident n we wuz in big truble.

but dint nuthin lack that happen. we gut into chicago n found randys friend pete a'waitin fer us. we showed him whut we had brung n he had a lil n sed tasted ok but did it wurk n we sed give it a mint n purty soon he wuz cunvinced.

pete had the tuff guy stuff down. i herd him call one of his gurlfriends on the telefone n his side went sumthin lack this. 'hey, ya fuckin hoe-uh, when does ya think ya can get yer fat ass over here n fuck me?' n seemed lack they made em a date on that kinda treatmint. he had to wurk, so soon as he wuz satisfide the stuff we brung wuz inny good, he lef n we found places to sleep. i brung my sleepin bag, jes in case, n i'm glad i did.

that evenin, pete sed we should go out n find us sum 'stray pussy,' n  randy agreed. i wuz thankin twuz the last thang i wonted, but i dint wonta add mitt it. twuz a time i did lots of thangs sos i could keep folks thankin thar pinion of me wuz true even tho twernt. but furst, randy wonted pete to git his buyers n finish the deal. lack ye mite could have speckted, he dint have nobidy he could git to buy fer sartin, but he did have a couple of black guys that he sed wuz always lookin.

they cum over n rite away we burned a number. i wuz sprized when it gut stuck on the furst guy on a counta i dint know thay wuz differnt ways of passin joints in differnt groups. in sted, the furst guy, who wuz as dark skinned as a man kin git n nicknamed stovepipe, stovepipe smoked about half of it n passed it on to his parnter, a lite skinned guy name of link. n they sed twuznt verr good n we sed to wait.

so they ast pete could they put sumthin on the stereo n twuz the furst time i had ever herd richard pryor n he wuz talkin bout white folks in a way i hadnt never herd befor n them two black guys wuz havin fun laffin at randy n me fer bein such hicks. n thang that gut me mos wuz how they wuz all, richard pryor inclooded, usin the wurd 'nigger.'

long story short, they dint thank they wonted inny of theevil weed we had on a counta they dint thank they could sell it since it wuz slow actin. corse, then we went out all nite n by time we wuz back n had to leeve, they wuz a'wontin to git all they could. but twuz too late.

that nite wuz a strange one. twuz one of the coldest nites i had ever known, but pete wuz wearin a thin shirt n no coat. he dint seem to be cold atall.

furst we went to a place called pizzeria due or sumthin, sposedly the place they invented the chicago style of pizza. we wuz entertained by a rich gurl with a guy who looked lack he mite could have been a linebacker fer the chicago bears. n she wuz a'fallin out of her outfit n when she caught randy a'starin at her, she pulled down her blouse n ast if he lacked whut he saw n he dint say nuthin but smiled n ye could see her boyfriend wuz embarrassed.

then she gut down on her knees n started astin her boyfriend to marry her, n she wood ast everbidy ifn they dint thank he should marry her n wuznt she the mos beeyootifull woman we had ever seen, n she wuz a purty thang, only who wonts a woman lack that? than thar food cum n she loaded up her mouth n continued talkin n she cum over to me n touched my hed n ast me did it bother me ifn she talked with her mouth full n i wuz sprized to here myself say i wuz only bothered by how she talked with her brain empty. n that gut everbidy to shut up till her boyfriend laffed in sed 'good one' to me.

n that jes give randy a startin point to splain to pete how thay wuz ice in my veins n he tole the story bout whenever he wuz wontin to kill hisself n pete sed in that case we should go git us sum stray.

thang wuz, furst place we went wuz a gay bar n i ast him why n he sed the best women cum in thar n i sed i couldnt see a one of em n he sed he reckoned they dint cum out to this here bar on the day after christmas.

so we went out n purty soon pete spotted two fat gurls n ye could see by the way they wuz walkin that they wuznt feelin no pain. thay wuz four puerto ricans a followin after em but pete went up to the fatter one n sed 'does yous want ta fuck?' n i turnt away in shame but they sed they shore wood. n pete turnt to the puerto ricans n sed they had dun lost out, but they gut in thar car n started followin slow while we wuz walkin back twards our car.

this made pete mad, so he pullt out a switchblade knife n stuck it into the winder n tole the driver to take off, n he dun it. then we gut to drivin the gurls to thar car n one of em ast me wood i cum with her n hep her stay awake n i dint wont to but i figgered i wuznt about to say i wuz scared of her, so we gut into her car n she begun drivin. seemed lack she wuz drivin by feel, bumpin the car in frunt of her n the one behind jes gittin out of her parkin place n then she wood weave frum one side tuther, bumpin cars whenever she gut too far till i finely tuck the wheel.

on the ride over, i tole her my friend wuz hung up on her n she glued herself to randys side n i went to sleep.

next day, we drove home. we had sold only three ounces, one to each of the gurls n one to pete. he called us the nex day to say link had called him n the two black guys wonted to by everthang we had, but by then, we wuz back home.

n we had us a lil problem, witch wuz almost 10 lbs of stuff we had to sell ifn we wuz a'gone pay fer it. we had sum customers frum the farm n hangers on, but that wuz barely wurth a lb n everbidy wonted us to frunt em.

so randy sed he figgered the only place we could git it all sold wuz in the valley, witch he meant scarboro in oak ridge whar mos all the black folks lives. n i wuz wondering ifn he knew sumbidy n he sed he figgered i wuz the one to doot on acounta i dint have no fear of nuthin.

n that line wurked on  me lack he knew twood n so happend i knew this guy who wurked in the cafeteria n i mentchunned havin sumthin n he sed he wuz innerested but wood i be willin to cum to the block?

n thats how i cum to do a lil bizness in the valley.