travels of buddy don: faeries in ireland?

i spoze ye mite speck to have a few tricks played on ye ifn ye stay at a place name of fairymount farmt, with thats whar loretta n paddy putt us. twuz a rite purty place (i will git thru them pitchers soon, i promiss), but twuz a good ways off the beaten path. ye couldnt see no lites atall at nite, witch lease ye could see them stars. thay wuz food in the fridge, but twuz all pork n such, so thay wudnt nobidy stayin thar that wood eat it till my yungun tony joined us.

but bout them faeries. furst i gut to drive to dublin n back four times on a counta thay wuz folks that need to be picked up (total kms driv: 2724.5 -- miles wooda been even longer! n the gas wuz way hi -- €1.15 fer a liter, witch that wurks out to nigh on to $6.30 a gallon). that wudnt so bad, but amung em wuz my ex-wife, witch she did sum alterayshuns on the weddin gown n got a invite n ended up stayin in the same cottage with me n miz bd n miz bds mother. kindly lack a mans wurst nitemare a'cummin true, ceptn miz bds mother is one of my favert folks innywhar.

but what them faeries really gut me tripped up wuz on a tooth that gut to hurtin till i couldnt thank bout nuthin else. so them kind folks at dooly's hotel found a dental surgeon fer me n i wint to see whut could he do. thangs is differnt over thar. fer one, they dont git ye fully numb. fer a nuther, thay lay ye down in the chair till yer hed is lower than the rest of yer bidy n yer a'lookin strate up into the face of the dentist.

ere he had injeckted the painkiller, he pointed out he wood half to know witch tooth twuz that had the problem. by then the pane wuz so grate i couldnt tell witchn twuz, so he sed he wood half to tap on my teeth to see. whenever he hit the rite one, we both knew it by how i nearly cum up outta that chair.

he dun the deed, dug into the tooth (he tole me i could squeeze the armrests ifn thangs wuz hurtin too much, but i figgerd the new pane wudnt no wurser than the ole n twudnt near as bad as a migraine), n whenever he gut a air hole to the nerve, ye could smell the ded smell it wuz a'makin.

he finished the job n give me a bill fer €140 (ye could buy ye sum euro at about $1.50 each) n sent me on my way. purty soon the pain cum back, but i couldnt cumplain on a counta he had wurked late on a fridy to take keer of the problem.

but the pain jes kep gittin wurse till i gut sum panadol to take along with ibuprofen, witch that hepped me git thru the ceremony n recepshun n such.

by mundy mornin, whenever i wuz drivin tony back to the airport in dublin, it was gittin to whar i could barly keep frum whining out loud (as ifn that wood make it feel inny better). on the way home the tears wuz rollin down my face, tho it dint seem as ifn i wuz crine.

so twuz back to the same dentist, witch this time he pointed out how he woodnt need to use no painkiller on a counta thay wudnt no nerve left. then he sed he wonted to tap on the tooth, but i tole im i couldnt survive that. so he tapped on sum naybor teeth to make shore. then he turnt on the drill n gut to wurk. i dont know how i gut thru that, but twuz over purty quick. he give me sum heavy antibioticks, witch one of em wuz a anaerobick one that made it so ye caint take even a lil drop of alkyhol.

nuther lil trick by them faeries, no doubt.

they wudnt dun. the nex mornin twuz time to take grandmom n jack back. i wuz feelin better on a counta my fever brakin (even tho i had to vommit four times durin the nite). i gut em up (the fever brakin woke me up with my shirt soaked thru) n ast jack did he wont sum coffee. he did, so i made it, but as i wuz pressin down on it (twuz one of them press coffee makers thats manual), the hot coffee cum up n scalded me on the rite arm. twernt so bad, but it did leave a scar.

i had been readin a book of short stories by stephen king durin all this, witch a friend at wurk begged me to read it (i git a lot of that). by the time me n miz bd wuz a'cummin back frum dublin, we wuz laffin bout ritin a parody of a stephen king story name of tireland.

more to cum, cumpleat with pitchers ...

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