life of buddy don, chaptur 32:
eli's transformayshun

daddy always bleeved that folks is born with thar persunalty purty much set. that dint mean they dint need instruckshun n discplin n a spankin now n then, but how a person cums out of the womb is purty much how that person is a'gone be.

fer instunts, whenever we wuz lil, daddy lacked to play this game called 'fall back.' he wood take one of us whenever we wuz jes barely able to walk n he wood hold us up in his arms n tell us to 'fall back.' bein the oldest, i wuz furst to play, n i threw myself back as soon as he sed it n twuz all he could do to keep me frum a'hitting the floor. brew wuz the thurd son, but he wuz the only other'n that wood 'fall back.' thang wuz, he wood lean back real keerful lack n whenever he wuz sartin that daddy wuz a gone catch him, he wood fall back, only twuz more lack leanin than fallin. n corse eli had to be differnt frum us bof. whenever daddy wood say 'fall back' to eli, he wood grab daddy round the neck n squeeze fer all he wuz wurth.

ye might could say eli wuz a keerful chile, but that dint keep him frum a'gittin hurt time n agin. thay wuz the time daddy tuck him up on the obed river. daddy had dun tuck me on a counta me bein oldest. he tuck each one of us boys up to the obed river system whenever he figgered we wuz big a nuff to make it.

whenever twuz eli's turn, thangs dint go so well. fer one thang, eli dint much care fer fishin. fer a nuther, he tole daddy rite away that thar wuznt no fish in the stream on a counta ye could see to the bottom of it n thay wuz no fish innywhar. eli wuz rong bout that on a counta them fish dont make it easy to see em, but ye kin catch em, witch daddy proovd that bout as quick as he could git his line wet. eli refused to fish, but he tuck the stranger with that fish n pulled it round after daddy up n down daddy's creek, witch daddy woodnt take us to the ackshul obed river till we wuz bigger.

n purty soon they cum to this old sand bar, n the fishin wuz good, so daddy stuck with that place fer a while, fishin n smokin n jes enjoyin the outdoors. eli found him a lil hole in the ground whar sum yella jackets had dun made thar nest, n he had to start a messin with it. he tride to cover it up with the fish, but purty soon them yella jackets wuz all over that fish n all over eli too. twuz a murkle daddy gut him out without him a dyin, witch daddy only gut stung once n that wuz frum a wasper that had got into the car. eli gut stung so many times that they quit countin once they gut up to a hunnert. they put him in a cold bath with bakin soda, n he cum thru it ok.

but twoodnt be the last time he had a acksident. thay wuz a nuther time down at the bowlin alley whar the two of us wuz playin tag n he turnt to git away n crashed thru a plate glass winder. they give him over a hunnert stitches, n tho he had him a scab lace over his arms n neck n back, he cum thru it ok.

he wuz the only one to git newmonia, n they tuck him to the hospital n kep him thar fer near two weeks. mama sed he nearly died on em n thay wuz momints when he wuz out of his hed n talkin to the angels. at the time twuz thought he wuz so close to dyin that they cum to git him. corse later on, folks wood change thar pinions bout that kinda thang.

he cum thru a lot all right, n the wurst had to be the bike acksident. here's how it happened.

whenever we wuz a'growin up, eli n me went everwhar n did everthang together. he wuz a crackjack shortstop on a counta we wood git up ever mornin n play sumthin we called 'double play.' way twurked wuz i wood throw a hard grounder to eli n he wood scoop it up n peg the ball to me lack i wuz the second baseman n i wood chuck it rite back at him as if he wuz furst baseman. then he wood throw me a hard grounder n i wood grab it n pitch him the ball n then catch it whenever he threw it back, n then we wood start all over. he might coulda played in the majurs ceptn he had such bad luck.

he wuz bettern me at fieldin the ball, speshly grounders, n thay wuznt no shortstop lack him innywhar around. thay wuz times when he wood take care of the hole lef hand side of the infield, frum third base to tuther side of second. nuthin could ever git by him, n ole men gut to talkin bout him n callin him 'shure thang.'

then one evenin we wuz ridin our bikes down to the field n he hit a rock n cum down teeth first on the curb. knocked out three front permanunt teeth, n that wuz the end of his baseball career. he could still git innythang hit on the ground, could still throw as hard n strate as innybidy frum innywhar, but when it cum to battin, he wuz a strike out ever time. no matter whar the ball wuz thrown, he wood lean back n flail at it till he wuz struck out n then he wood throw the bat n sumtimes say thangs that wood make mama blush n go find a switch.

fer years after that, he woodnt say a wurd without holdin his hand over his mouth.

but the acksidents dont half cover it. truth be tole, eli wuz always a lil differnt. he wuz quickest to make ye laff, n quickest to say sumthin smart back to daddy. he could make mama laff whenever she wuz so mad at daddy she could spit, n once she wuz laffin, thay wuz no way fer the fuss n fite to continue.

n he wuz smart, much smartern folks let on till they had em these egspurts cum to the skool to test everbidys iq. mama n daddy wuz called down to the skool to discuss the results on a counta thar kids had the highest two scores. n the sprize wuz that eli's wuz the highest in the skool by a hole lot. mine wuz second, n the shock thar wuz that i gut better grades than he dun. turnt out he wuz bored. they tride to put him forward a grade, but he woodnt have it.

eli gut out of high skool in 1971 n tuck a job as busboy down at shoneys big boy restrunt. he wuz good at it, n purty soon, they wood let him bus tables n then wash the dishes, n he had this way of keepin a rhythm so ye couldnt hardly git him to fall behind.

then thar cum a evenin when he had jes gut off n thay wuz sum boys a'waitin to jump him n take his money n his bag of theevil weed. thay wuz three of em, but twuz only one who tride to push him round, n eli let him doot. but afterds, he wuz mighty sore, mainly at his ownself.

n that led to him a'joinin the army, witch he joined it on a counta he bleevd he woodnt be fraid no more once he larned how to fite n kill. he tuck his basic trainin at fort knox n lack ye might magine, he dun well on ever test they give him till he wuz in ait in indianapolis a larnin jurnalism. n that gut him into truble n out of the army befor a year had passed.

whut happened wuz the class wuz made to innerview a genrul, witch he wuz about to retire n wonted to see whut folks wood make of his career. so eli rote a piece that the teechur called the best piece of unpublishbull jurnalism he had ever seen. we puzzled over that'n bout 'unpublishable jurnalism' on a counta that dint seem to make much sense. i reckon thars a kind of censorship they need even in a democracy with free speech, tho tiz hard to splain.

n smart as he wuz, eli dint unnerstand it inny bettern we did, so he tuck the story n put it up on the bulltin bords. n that made the genrul mad on a counta the story showed whar the genrul wuznt intrested in much besides golf n money n the two homes he had dun bilt fer him n his wife.

they say a hit dog hollers, n that genrul followed the rule n tride to git eli punished fer whut he had writ. thang wuz, whenever eli joined the army, he gut him a promiss frum the recrooter that he woodnt have to go to veet nam. lack a lot of smart folks, eli had truble maginin that folks mite lie to him to git sumthin, so he missed the lie that recrooter tole him n he only gut wind of it when he gut orders a'sendin him to veet nam.

n eli attacked rite back. twuz 1972 n thay wuz boys cumin hom in body bags near everday, so eli cum up with sum stories bout a guy called 'stubby,' witch twuz a soldjer frum veet nam who had dun had his hands blown off n the stories wuz bout his advenchurs a trine to git a ride by holdin up his stumps to hitchhike or trine to git a job, showin how he could use his stubs to wipe tables n thangs lack that. eli wood rite up a story n make copies of it n put it on them bulltin bords.

n befor ye could say jimmy crack corn, they sent eli to walter reed n give him lecktrick shock treatmints. n purty soon, he cum out with a honorbull discharge on medicull grounds on a counta they sed he wuz 10 per cent disabled on a counta of havin chronic skizofrenia. later on they bumped it up to 30 per cent n added the wurd paranoid.

that wuz good fer bout $100 a munth n sum pills he could trade fer all kinda other drugs. so he n brew n brew's bes friend oscar clowder moved over to skyland north carolina n gut em jobs on a assembly line makin car seats n other accessries fer cars. i member visitin them. they wuz livin in a trailer n twuz filthy as ye might speck frum three boys. they wuz jonesin fer sum of theevil weed n i brung em a lil n we tuck a walk sos we could enjoy the beauty of the place, witch twuz amazin n a good place fer sumbidy lack eli to have a transformayshun.

mayhap he wood never have had it ifn oscar hadnt had to go home to give his mama a nuff money to pay thar morgage, n ifn oscar wuz a'goin, then brew wuz too, so eli wuz left alone in that filthy trailer in them beautiful mountains. n that's whar it happened.

his transformayshun is a legend in the fambly now. the way eli tells it, he wuz spoke to by god fer two days n nites n he dint have to eat or drank or sleep or even take a piss durin the hole time. god cum to him in the form of letters that wuz a'burnin in the air, n they tole eli whut wuz true n whut he wood have to do. sum of the thangs he wuz tole wuz sprizin. fer instunts, he wuz tole that god had dun put thangs in the worl lack theevil weed n tubacka n likker n coffee n tea n poppys n mushrooms n all tuther thangs that folks gits a high frum. n he dun it to help folks wake up. corse, twernt as simpla as ye might could hope. thang wuz, the verr thangs god put here to wake folks up could put em back to sleep ifn they tuck too much or tuck em fer too long. n god dint wont folks to be eatin meat or hordin money or bein cruel or even killin in wars. n most of all, god dint wont folks to be a'trine to git em more n more material thangs.

eli wuznt never the same agin. he give up everthang he had n walked all the way home frum skyland, witch that wuz quite a feat n he woodnt let innybidy give him a ride on a counta he wuz sartin walkin home wuz whut god wonted him to do. n he tride to help folks ever chants he gut.

but twernt easy. he purty soon had to git wurk, n that mint shoneys big boy restrunt. but dint nobidy wont to hear him. they had dun seen folks 'git the call,' as twuz put, n they wuznt all that imprest by it. fer one, everbidy could member the way they carrd jimmy lomax out of the restrunt whenever he gut the call. he wuz a twitchin n screamin n a carryin on lack he wuz crazy, n next thang ye know, he wuz preechin down to the pentacostals or the church of christ or the baptists or sumbidy. so dint nobidy wont to hear innythang eli wonted to preech to em.

so purty soon eli went back to the vetruns adminstrayshun n tole em he wuz havin truble with the label they dun give him. eethur it had to be 0 per cent or 100 per cent on a counta nobidy wonted to take a chants on sumbidy that wuz even part crazy. n then he commenced to tellin how he had dun had his transformayshun, n he ast them did they thank twuz possbull that god had quit a'talkin to folks n doin mirkles n all. n did they bleev whar god talked bout demons n angels n how they could possess folks n talk to em. n he ast did they thank twuz possbull that a man could git a relijun a'goin in this day n age ifn he sed he had to sacrifice his first born son? or wood they say he wuz crazy n lock him up? or whut about if a man sed he had talked to a burnin bush that claimed to be god?

they wonted to put him in murfreesboro but eli ast em did they ever read the bibl. n sum kinda way, he shamed em into givin him 100 per cent n not makin him go to the va hospital. so he gut the 100 per cent n the extry money that cum with it, witch twuz easy to talk bout how awful material thangs wuz once he had a nuff gummint money ever munth to pay his rent n groceries n light bill n all. but thats whut he dun.

n he tuck to ritin pomes n to preechin to innybidy that wood listen. n he wuz a changed man.

but he wernt changed much. since he had a nuff money, he dint have to wurk or be respecktabull, so he egspearminted with ever drug he could find. n he wood waste his money till he had to borrow frum me n brew. n he wood even take wurk lack house sittin fer ant sary. one evenin brew n me tuck him by ant sary's. twuz round midnight n the house wuz dark. he woodnt git out of the car till we sed we wood go turn on the lites. so we did n then he lef. brew wuz drivin n he started laffin. i ast whut wuz so funny, n he sed nuthin wuz. 'but face it, bud. our bruther is a dud.'

daddy lacked to say he wuz lazy, but twuz maisie, the baby of the fambly, who caught that lie. whut a shock twuz whenever she spoke up n contradickted daddy!

'he aint lazy, daddy. he's scared.'

darlene n me wuz over to the house fer dinner n to talk bout whut should we do bout eli whenever maisie sed that. n we all got quite n kindly hunched fer the slap we thought wuz a cumin to maisie. n daddy lifted his hand, but he dint slap her. he stroked her hed n sed she wuz rite. she wuz sprized, almost lack she had made a lucky guess on a quiz or sumthin. but twernt that.

'yer rite, maze. he wuz born thataway.'

bloggered!

i jes finished riting chaptur 32, eli's transformayshun, but i tride to edit sumthin n suddenly thar wuz no blogweaver. twuz astin did i wonta save whut i had dun, n i sed i did, but nuthin wuz saved. so i lost the hole days wurk! n i reckon i'll have to rite that chaptur over agin, but now thars a guy has to go to wurk, n i cant git my fangers to the keybird when he's not around.

gone fishin

whoever tiz that makes all this stuff up is a'fixin to go on a lil vacayshun fer sum fishin. so thar wont be nuthin new here fer the nex lil while. apolgies fer that. since this thang wuz started, witch that wuz on june 13, thay aint been a day missed till tumorra, n by then sumbidy'll be halfway home to tennessee fer a week.

life of buddy don, chaptur 38:
the short life of becky turner

whenever i wuz larnin to drive frum mr deeanjello, the wurst thang bout it wuz the way he got all upset on a counta i had to larn how to doot befor i could doot rite, so once i gut back to tennessee, i made it a point of showin all my bruthers n sisters how to drive. i speck larnin frum daddy could be dangerus, so startin with eli, i wurked my way down to maisie.

whenever me n brew had to give up the house in kingston n move back into mamas, maisie wuz jes about to turn 16. the two of us had a speshul relayshunship on a counta i wuz the oldest n she the youngest n thay wuz many a time i wuz lef in charge n had to uphold fer her till she gut to whar she could uphold fer her ownself. n frum that we had a speshul closeness that tutherns dint.

i member whenever we wuz lil befor i had lef home, we used to play sumthin called the 'tickle test.' the way it wurked wuz i wood hold her down n ast wuz she reddy n whenever she sed she wuz, i wood cummence to ticklin her n i wood keep on till she gut to whar she wudnt laffin inny more. i spoze twuz a cruel game to play lookin back on it now, but she lacked to doot, so we did. thang wuz, she dint trust innybidy else so much that she wood let em tickle her.

seem lack she wuz rite proud of me also, n whenever they had em open house at her skool, she wood ast me to cum, n i did, n twuz a bit odd that she ast me but she never ast nobidy else, not even mama or daddy.

as ye mite know, carbide in them daze had em sumthin called the savings plan. best i kin member, way it wurked wuz ye could put in up to a sartin percentage of yer earnins to the program n carbide wood match whutever ye put in. then ever two years it paid off, n everbidy knew when twuz about to happen, n thay wood be sales at downtown oak ridge n ye could git ye loans so ye could have yer money early, n the hole place wuz reddy fer it whenever it cum.

it paid off in the summer i wuz livin at home, so i deecided i wood git me a nuther motorsickle. twooda been better to git sum kinda portable keyboard, mayhap a rhodes lectrick peeano, but seem lack i never made the sacrifices ye wood have to make ifn ye wonted to be a sangin star, so i spent sum the money on a motorsickle n deecided i wood use the rest to record a album, witch that plan dint wurk out, n i dint git my furst album reecorded till 2001. but thems thangs ye kin see lookin back that aint so obveeus a goin forwurd.

innywho, i gut me that motorsickle, n seem lack maisie wonted to be perched on the back of it jes bout whenever i wood let her. that purty much mint weekends on a counta me wurkin graveyards, n thay wuz times folks probly thought she wuz my gurlfrien she rode with me so much. n we gut a lot closer durin that time.

fack is, she gut to whar she wonted me to know her bes frien, n that wood be becky turner, witch she lived way out on the west end of oak ridge on a counta her folks had money, but becky never ackted lack she wuz no bettern nobidy. she also tole me bout a lot of uther thangs a'goin on in her skool, n twuz purty clear she wuz a'gonna git into usin drugs purty soon, so we talked that'n out in grate deetail.

thang is, ye couldnt git the truth frum them that owed it to ye, witch that wood be our gummint. in sted of tellin the truth, they wuz trine to find sumthin rong with pot n to do that, they had to make sum thangs up. n once kids figgered out they wuz line, then thay wernt no reason to bleev em when they wuz a'tellin the truth, witch the truth is that sum of the drugs on the street is much more dangerus than otherns.

so i tole maisie that she could probly smoke pot ok, but she had better never try thangs lack heroin or morfiend or angel dus or ye name it, i mentshunned it, n i had tride mos of em by then. i tole her fer me the downer side of thangs wuz useless on a counta i jes went rite to sleep n never enjoyed em. n even tho i wuz always a bit on the hyper side of thangs, i kindly lacked the speedy drugs. but long story short, i tole her twood be better ifn she insisted on gittin hi if she did it in a place that wuz safe n with sumbidy that wood keep her frum freakin out, n she wonted me to show her, so i did.

so she larnt how to git hi frum me, n purty soon she wonted to show becky how to doot, n that mint we gut to whar we wuz hanging out, the three of us, mos ever fridy n saterdy nite.

now ye mite could wunder why i wood wonta hang out with my lil sis n her frien. thang is, even when i wuz livin the wildest part of my life, a part of me wuz always a'wontin to turn frum that n walk the strate n narrow path. n maisie n becky wuz young n innocent n all, n it gut me to thankin bout livin a better life n all.

corse, it helped that maisie's frien becky wuz so purty. she had hair that wuz so far on the red side of brown that now n then ye wood thank twuz red. n she wuz as sweet as a purson kin git, n ye could tell she wuz sweet on me. n i wuz sayin to myself that she wuz jes the kind of a gurl i should be thankin bout on a counta she wuz not only purty n lots of fun but also smart n seryas bout life n death n the hereafter.

thang she lacked to do bes whenever we wuz a gittin hi wuz to drive out to the graveyard near the old solway bridge, witch they hadnt torn it down then. thay wuz a speshul gravestone she luvd the best, witch it had three angels on it.

we wood drive out thar round midnight n wood find our stone n sit on three sides of it, one of us pointin east, one south, n one west. n we wood pass us a joint n talk bout whuther thay wuz ghosts thar in that graveyard n whuther ye git life after death, n that kinda thang. n sumtimes we wood lie on our backs on the graves n look at the stars n wunder ifn them ghosts had the same view we wuz a'gittin.

n sumtimes we wood stay at home n listn to music n purty soon becky wuz a'wontin to dance, n maisie wood tease me till i danced with her. n then becky wuz a wontin to larn kissin, so we practiced that a time or two, n i had to add mitt, she dint need much teachin, n fack is, she wuz on the verge of becumin a woman, lack a tite lil rosebud that wuz a fixin to burst into bloom, n the beauty that wuz unfoldin in her wuz sumthin to behold.

fack is, i wuz a'tellin myself i should wait fer becky to grow up a lil n then i should set my sites on her. we gut to whar we wuz havin us loads of fun ever weekend, n thay wuz times i wuz glad maisie wuz with us on a counta thangs coulda got out of hand otherwise. n becky gut to whar she wood joke bout her n me a'gittin marrd sumday. we wood be sittin out under that gravestone n lookin at the stars n talkin, n fer a joke, she wood ast wood i wait fer her n i wood tell her i wuz dun alreddy a'waitin. n they wood both laff so twuz played fer a joke but i thank we wuz both serius.

twernt to be, tho, on a counta maisie gut ast to the prom n after she n her beau had dun been toot n the dinner after, they drove out to the parkin place tween oak ridge n olver sprangs, n whenever they wuz dun thar, they drove back up illinois avenue, n rite at the top of the hill, they met thar fate when a drunk run the redlite as they wuz crossin hillside n broadsided em. killt em both.

maisie ast me wood i cum to the funeral with her, n of corse i dun it. twuz a awful thang on a counta all the chilren frum the hi skool wuz thar, n twuz a rude way to larn that ye gone half to die sumday. i cant figger how they gut her to lookin so good. ye wood thank she wuz jes restin her eyes n wood open em inny mint. n thay wuz more crine n carryin on than i had ever seen befor.

best of all, whenever they buried becky, twuz within site of that gravestone she luvd so well. n maisie n me knew she wuz glad twuz thar they put her.

even so, maisie tuck it hard, n seemed lack all i could do fer her wuz to take her out to that same gravestone, whar we wood sit n smoke n wunder bout the brevity of life.

n thay wuz times when it seem lack becky wuz thar with us, n moren once it give us a chill. n maisie ast me did i thank becky wuz still alive n still able to here us. n i tole her i doubted it n i gut to talkin bout biolgy n fizicks n all. n then i herd she wuz a crine, so i changed my tune n sed i figgered she wuz with us rite then.

n we gut quite as could be till we could here the creakin of the trees as they bent in the breeze. n we thought we could here sumthin else, sumthin ye couldnt quite place. n maisie sed she could here becky n couldnt i here her too. n i looked at maisie's lil face n the tears that wuz still porin frum her eyes, n i tole her becky hadnt never left us a tall n she wuz thar even then. n i knew i wuz line, but twuz fer a good reason.

then thar cum a sudden crash of thunder, n we both nearly jumped out of our skin, but then we held hands n whenever it cummenced to rain, we dint do nuthin but sit thar till we wuz compleetly soaked.

life of buddy don, chaptur 37:
the jew fer jesus

whenever i had jes clumb outta my car into the rain on that awful nite, i fell down on my knees n thanked the lord fer lettin me live. i had a bonus life n i knew it n no matter how low i mite feel, i wood always thank back on that nite. n sumtimes i wood even drive out to that tree n touch its wound, witch twuz hardly a scratch n my car wuz ded. i later saw the hulk of that car skwushed up to nuthin ridin thru oak ridge on the back of a truck.

so that tree wuz strong n whenever i wuz feelin too weak or down, i lacked to visit n touch it. n seem lack whenever i did, twood set me rite n i wood know thar had to be a reason i wuz alive. i wood look at my fangers n thank bout whut wunders they is n how amazin the presents everbidy gut on thar furst birthday, n i mint thangs lack eyes n ears n such. tiz a miracle.

in them daze i thought the reason god kep me alive wuz on a counta the way i could rite songs. i wood play fer innybidy that wood come over. since i dint have no way of movin my peeano to play in places that dint have em, i purty much only played at home or at that coffee shop. n whenever eli cum over, i wood make him listn, n after a while he tole a frien of his about me n he cum over n wonted to start a band.

he wuz a jew name of sam coen n he wuz jes 18 n seem lack he wuz jes a kid. n he gut to whar he wood follow me round n whenever i moved from kingston to oak ridge, he wuz happy on a counta he lived thar too.

he played acoustic guitar n fack wuz, we never could play out together on a counta the peeano problem n he dint have a amp yet, witch he wuz a'savin up fer one. so we wood play over to my place n practice a equal number of his songs n mine, witch he had only writ two songs so he wuz willin to do three of mine. that wuz the kind of thang twuz. he wood use me havin three songs to move him to ritin a nuthern, only dint wurk. fack is, we dint play all that much musik tugether.

but we did hang out, n twuz a rude sprize to larn he knew martha frum whenever he wuz a'wurkin at shoneys big boy restrunt n he had been in luv with her n they had dun it oncet, witch she wuz his furst but she woodnt never let him have no more on a counta she had tole him she wonted a virgin but no cummitmint. but that dint do him no good on a counta he had feelins that woodnt go away.

n whenever he furst tole me bout her, twuz all i could do to keep my face strate on a counta i wuz seein her purty reglar long bout then.

but as thangs happened, the times martha wuz free sam wuz a wurkin. so i wood sumtimes see her on a fridy afternoon n then see him that evnin, on a counta our frienship wuz sorta fridy n saterdy nite thang on a counta me wurkin graveyards.

n we wood hang out n talk bout god n magick n witchcraft n the kabala n the taro n i ching n all kinds of thangs i wuz a'studyin n he wuz innerested in inny speckulayshun ye could cum up with on the subjeck of god n the hereafter n spirits.

in them daze i had the practiss of reedin taro cards fer folks. i wood always tell em twuz a game n twernt real n so furth, but that dint stop em frum thankin i had the talent, witch i dint far as i could tell. n sam seem lack he wonted one bout ever week only i dint bleev in givin em too often so that jes made him wont to have em red more.

n thar cum a nite that he gut me to read em n it cum out he wuz a gone find enlitemint. ackshly, it cum out lack always with bout fifty differnt ways to read whut they sed n i tole him that on a counta i knew that wuz whut he wuz a hopin fer n trine to do n i hoped to put his mine at res. n i sed the reglar wurds bout it wuz jes a game, n that made him all the more sartin.

thay wuz lots of drugs n oak ridge in them daze n sike a delicks were whut mos everbidy wonted to git. ye couldnt hardly git ackshul lsd or acid but ye mite git mescalin or payotee or sillasibin mushrooms.

now sam wonted to trip sum kinda way more'n innybidy i ever met. he bleevd he wuz a gone fine god ifn only he could trip, n i tride to tell him twood only make him more confused n the anser aint in a drug or twooda been discovert way long time ago. n he pointed out thay wuz new drugs, n couldnt god have inspired the drug maker? n that wood git us a goin n we would carry on bout whuther ye could git enlitenmint thru drugs or magick or whutever, but he wuz set on drugs.

brew had a frien frum skool name of will, witch i dont member if i ever knew his last name. brew tole us he had sum mushrooms only he wonted too much fer em but sam sed he wood pay mos innythang so brew tole him not to tell will that n sam ast me wood i neegosheeate the deal. n thats whut i dun.

twuz bout 10 pm on a fridy nite whenever we gut em, n sam wonted to eat them mushrooms jes a quick as we could. will sed they wood take bout a hour to git a'goin n we wood be up all nite, n sam sed that wuz ok by him, n i sed we could drive out to melton hill park, n thats whut we dun.

we started gittin off a bit on the drive out, but twernt nuthin to whut wuz to cum. that happened after we gut thar n lit a joint n lay back n stared at the sky, witch twuz clear as could be n thay wuz no lites around so ye could see ferever.

n thats whut we dun the hole trip, witch we wood git up to walk around n pee ever so often, but we kep cummin back to lay back n look up. n sam wuz moved to tell me he wuz feelin god n he wuz sure he wuz a'havin the egsperience n all.

then long bout 3 am he ast the time, n whenever i tole him he jumped up n sed we hadda leev that mint, he had to git home.

i could see he woodnt be calmed, so i gut up n we gut the car n wuz a drivin away when we cum to a barrier that sed stop. it kinda looked lack we were locked in fer the nite, n whenever sam figgered thatn out, ye could see he wuz a fixin to cry. n i reminded him bout god n tole him sum the thangs i wuz tole in church on a counta ye could see he dun fergot he wuz a'gittin the relijus egsperience.

n he cawt on to whut i wuz a'sayin in two shakes n he gut quite n ast me to tell him more, so i gut onto the one bout ifn innythang has a meanin then everythang mus have one too n even that stop sine mus have sum meanin. i give him the hole predestinayshun thang on god a'knowin everthang incloodin the futchur.

n jes lack that he jumped to the cunclooshyun that ifn god knew everthang n created everthang then everthang mus be setup by god to have meanin by god fer evertbidy n the wunder wuz he could set it up fer so many folks all at the same time on a counta they wuz all in differnt places in frames of mind.

as ye kin see, he could talk. i tole him he wuz makin sense n i tole sum the stories of jesus n sam jes couldnt git a nuff. we gut to faith n how it makes it possbull to do thangs, n he sed he had faith he could move that stop sine.

so we gut outta the car n walked over toot, n shure a nuff, sam spotted whar he could jes open it up, n he sed that wuz the meanin of that trip. n he sed that wuz the reason twuz thar, to show him that all he hadda do wuz open the gate an go in.

n frum that he becum a jew fer jesus. n that made him quit playin musick or hangin round with me, n seem lack twuz a year or more till nex time i saw him. he wuz walkin round downtown oak ridge a trine to git peeple to jesus, n he wuz advertisin how he wuz a jew fer jesus. n whenever he spotted me, he cum over n we talked.

i ast him how did his folks feel bout this, n he sed they hated it, but that dint matter. n he tole me he wuz cuncernt fer my sole on a counta how i wuz a'livin. n he even gut on me bout them taro cards n how could i read em knowin theys frum the devil. n i tole him i dint bleev lack that, n that set him off on the bibl n we wuz disputin it right thar in downtown oak ridge till thar wuz a crowd a gathrin, n that made me tell him i wuz happy fer him.

n i walked away. ye mite could say i had won the argumint, lease on the way daddy wood score it, but i wuz feelin low. so i drove out to that tree n put my hand on the scar n my knees on the ground, n i ast fer god to show me witch way to go sum kinda way. n i waited, a hopin sumthin mite happen, but it never did.

or mayhap it did, i tole myself, mayhap everthang i do, ever miss take i make, wuz all mint to be so i wood larn whutever twuz god wonted me to know. n when i thought lack that i wonted to laff on a counta that wuz more sams argumint than mine.

fack is, when i look back at the wild life i wuz a livin, i shudder. tiz a wunder i survived a tall.

life of buddy don, chaptur 36:
sex, drugs n rock n roll

ye mite not member much bout how thangs wuz back in the summer of 1975. we had ford in the white house, n he had dun pardoned nixon absolutely back in 1974. the nashnul debt wuz up to $542 billyun, witch seemed hard to bleev then, but we dun larnt how to git the deficit up a lot higher now, thanks to raygun n dubya. thay wuz a cleanup after watergate, n folks wuz bein cunvicted right n lef. ye mite member thar names: haldeman, erlickman, mitchell, that hole bunch. one thang nixon had dun fer me wuz to git me to the point that i wood never vote fer a publican runnin fer presdint agin. period.

ye also had opec a razin thar oil prices n givin us murkins a reminder of how fragile our econumy wuz on a counta we wuz addicted to oil. as ye mite have noticed, thangs have gut wurse as far as thats cuncerned. inflayshun wuz 14%, witch tiz hard to bleev how bad twuz, but everbidy wuz wurried over it. a gallon of gas gut up to over 50 cent n thay wuz rumors everwhar that the fillin stayshuns wuz a fixin to git new pumps that could let em charge over a dollar a gallon, only mos folks sed that wuz a lie n that them a-rabs wood let up on the price before long. we all know how thatn went.

corse, thar wuz the last of the viet nam war, n thang i recolleck is how a bunch of our folks wuz havin to be saved by hellacopter frum the roof of that embassy or whutever twuz. thats the scene frum tv that has stuck with me. but the war wuz over n mos folks i knew wuz happy bout it. whut had we gut frum it cetpn a bunch of ded soljers n folks who dint die cumin back to be treated bad by folks that had gut outta goin.

in music that wuz the year fer still crazy after all these years, witch i dont member if innythang else good cum out that year. all in the family wuz still the best show on tv.

that movie called jaws cum out that year. i never seen it n never could git whut peeple found so interestin bout it. far as i could tell, twuznt even a likely thang to happen, witch most creetchurs frum natchur knows a nuff to git out of the way of folks on a counta how we lack to kill mos everthang we kin. thay wuz other movies lack one flew over the cuckoo's nest n rocky horror pitchur show n my favert of the bunch, monty python n the holy grail. i guess that one hit my funny bone so hard on a counta i lacked to call myself lookin fer god n all.

corse, twernt god a tall i wuz really chasin. twuz skirts. dont git me rong. i wuz to the point in life whar i thought bout god a lot n i wundered wuz thar one n if so how could ye be sure.

but the wurds that says tall bout them times, lease whar i wuz, wuz sex, drugs n rock n roll.

furst tho, brew n me had sum trubles bout the house we wuz a rentin in kingston. he lost his job, witch he had been a'wurkin out at eastern state mental hospital, a guardin the place of sumthin. twuz a low time in his life, n he dint know whut he wuz a'gone do fer money. round this same time, thay wuz a leak sprung in the pipes of the house, n cum januarys bill, they wuz astin fer $163 fer water. i dint have that kind a money, so i ast fer relief n they sed theyd have em a hearin on it but i wood have to pay furst.

by that time, i wuz sick of mos everthang darlene n i had dun had together, so i tuck to sellin it all off. sold the washer, dryer, stove n fridge to a guy at wurk, all of em fer $300 n he had to cum git em. he give em to he parnts, n they wuz rite pleezed. i did purt much the same with mos everthang ceptn the peeano n records n books.

n then brew n me, heds hangin low in defeat, moved back into our parnts place, sharin a downstairs room.

now ye mite be tempted to thank that once we wuz a livin thar, thay woodnt be no chance fer much in the way of sex or drugs, n even yer rock n roll wood have to be turnt down, but twuznt thataway. i had dun tole daddy bout smokin pot, n we had dun had many a argumint over whuther they should legal eyes it. he wood take one side n me tuther, n then whenever we wuz a makin our points purty reglar, he wood git us to switch sides, n ye kin bet that gut us a'goin.

so when we moved in, i ast him witch wood he ruther we do, smoke outside the house sumwhar or doot in our bedroom? n he sed he druther not know bout it, but seemed better in than out. so we did both in and out, but lease we wuz able to smoke inside. n we wood burn incents to give him reason to bleev thar wernt nuthin a'goin on.

but mama wuz differnt. she wonted to find out whut all the egcitemint wuz over, so she ast could she try it sumtime. i wuz wurkin steddy graveyards then, so i tole her we could have sum whenever i woke up on fridy evnin. n thats whut we dun. she wuz sprized at how gentle twuz. it gut to whar i wood wake up of a fridy evnin n thar she wood be, meersham pipe in hand n reddy to be lit. then she wonted to sit in our room fer the evnin a'gittin hi n listnin to musick, which her faverts were thangs lack america's sister golden hair n the eagles lyin eyes n thangs lack that thar. n thats whut we dun many a fridy evnin.

corse, i wuz on the prowl most of the time, n round 9 in the evnin, i wood go out n see whut i could find to do. twernt much to be dun in oak ridge, n sumtimes i wood partner up with brew n go over to the bars in knoxvul, mainly on the strip round ut n we wood drank beer n try to git sum gurl to dance, but we never once met innybidy thar that we made friens with.

one evenin i went by a place called the coffee house, witch the presbyteryuns wuz the ones holdin it. n thay wuz lack a open mike thar n thay had em a peeano n thay wuz lots of folk who cum out to em, n purty soon i had practiced up sum of my own songs n played thar ever now n agin.

n i started into meetin sum gurls, witch nowadaze ye wood half to call em women even ifn they wuz young, but in them daze ye called em gurls even ifn they wuz old. but meet em i did, n fer the mos part, twuz a lot of frustrayshun.

thay wuz one name of carla n she dint stand quite 5 feet. n she wuz nice n sexy n all, n she wonted us to do sum drugs n have sex, n i sed sounded lack fun, only i couldnt git over how whenever i wood try give her a hug, her nose wood be jammed into my belly. her drug cunneckhun never wurked out, n purty soon i tole her i couldnt pertend i wuz ever a'gone feel innythang fer her, n that ended that.

then thar wuz martha, witch i met her one nite whenever the coffee shop had dun closed n i went to shoneys big boy restrunt, witch wuz bout the only place that wuz open. eli wuz wurking thar a'washin dishes, so i ordered sum coffee n ast could i go back to see him, n since i had dun wurked thar, they let me go.

he had dun been thru his transformayshun by then, n he wuz in the humble stage bout his prospecks in life but preechy bout whut he bleeved. he ast could i give him a ride home, n i sed i wood, n went back out to the counter to wait on him.

n while i wuz thar, the busboy, name of brandon, witch he wuz gay n a'hittin on mos everbidy that cum in, so he cummenced to talkin with me, n one of the waitresses, name of martha, cum over n tole him i wuz not innerested, witch i ast her how could she know that, n she sed on a counta i wuz a'gone take her home.

n thats whut happened, n that started the story of martha, witch thars a few twists n turns toot. fer one thang, she wuz marrd. n we struck up a lil thang, witch ima gone tell that one direckly.

n thay wuz a gurl at wurk name of debby, n we flurted lack crazy till she add mitted she wuz marrd n by then i had dun figgered out that twernt wurth the effort on a counta i had dun larnt that frum martha.

n i spoze i could make a countin of ever one i did innythang with, witch mosly twuz to chase em n rarely to catch em, n the few times i did, twuz more truble than twuz wurth, but seemed lack i had to prove sumthin to sumbidy, only i couldnt say who twuz, but sumbidy, mayhap twuz darlene, ceptn she dint have no way of knowin whut i wuz up to. i cant hardly splain it now, but i wood be after two or three of em most of the time, n i thought i wuz havin big adventchurs. but they dint go nowhar.

the story of martha splains tall purty well. she wuz the furst blond hedded woman i ever had sex with, n that part of it wuznt all that good. after i give her the ride home, witch we had dun kissed n touched each other that furst nite while we wuz a waitin fer eli to git dun, n whenever he cum, he sed we wuz sinnin agin the lord on a counta she wuz marrd, n martha sed he had better wurry bout his own problems n not ourn, n she wuz rite, but he wuz rite too.

she ast me wood i cum over the nex tuesdy afternoon, n i dun it, n she had her a cuple friens thar, n we waited fer em to leeve, n ever so often she wood call me into the kitchen n we wood kiss n she wood do her bes to git me all hot n bothered, witch it dint take much to do that, speshly since she wuz a wearin one of them halter tops n no bra. finely the gurls lef n we wuz rollin roun on the couch. n whenever her husbin cum home, we jumped n pullt our cloze together. ye wood thank her husbin, witch his name wuz kevin, ye wood thank he wooda been able to tell whut wuz a'gone on, but he jes tuck a seat and ast did i wont a beer, witch i tuck one even tho i only wonted to leeve soons i could.

but thangs wuz dun started with martha n me, n she gut to whar she wood cum by mamas place round 2 in the afternoon, witch in them daze i wood wurk the graveyard n then go to skool, n then cum home n git in bed by round 2 n sleep till round 10 n then doot all agin. n we wood smoke a joint n have sex n seemed lack twernt much good only she lacked it on a counta she couldnt git a nuff.

now she wuz blue eyed n her husbin wuz too. so whenever she cum up pregnunt, thar wuz confushyun over who the daddy mite be. n she wuz bold. when i gut back on day shif, she wood cum by of an evnin now n agin, n i member one time whenever she wuz out to here we drove out to a park by milton hill lake n she ast wood i have sex n i sed i druther not n she tuck off her shorts n lay down n ast did i change my mine, n i dint wont to doot, but seemed lack i had to proov i could, so i did.

lookin back, i reckon i spent too much time proovin i could do this or that, n i guess thats part of bein 23 years old n thankin ye gut to larn n do n see everthang.

fack is, seemed lack i wuz a'gittin my share of the sex, drugs n rock n roll that wuz a'cumin to me, but thay wuznt all thay wuz cracked up to be.

that evnin in the park wuz the las time i dun innythang with martha, n it made her mad that i dint wonta keep on. but i wuz hartless then, n corse, i paid fer it later.

but on the one way street of life, thar wuz no turnin back.

life of buddy don, chaptur 35:
the $15 hed shranker

one of the thangs i had to do whenever they let me out of the mental health clink wuz go back n see one of thar docters to talk bout whut wuz a botherin me. they tole me i had to go, n then they tole me i had to pay $15 a visit, witch that seemed a bit steep to me. i went the furst time n met a guy who looked as young as me. he wuz in need of a bath or at least a bit of shampoo for his greasy hair, n ifn he had a name, i dont ritely recollect whut twuz.

he ast me to splain the situwayshun, n i dun my best to do jes that, givin him the deetail on how me n darlene cum to have a open marrg n how she cum to be in luv with one of her perfessers n how twuz only natcherul she wood on a counta she wuz in skool n i wuz way behind her n she wuz making new friens n all. n the hole time i wuz a'tellin him bout whut dun happened, i wuz keepin my emoshuns out of the pitcher as much as possbull.

he listened keerful lack to everthang i sed n then ast me did i wont his pinion. i tole him thats purty much whut i cum to git. n he tole me i wuz full of shit. thems the verr wurds he used, 'full of shit.'

on one level, ye mite could say everbidys full of shit on a counta in sum ways we aint nuthin more'n tubes fer food to cum into one end of the tube, git converted to shit, n then go out tuther end.

but twuz clear he mint that i wuz full of shit on a counta the way i splained the situwayshun with darlene.

it so happened i wuz spected fer dinner over to mamas that evenin, n whenever i gut thar, daddy wuz the only one home. he wuz a'sittin at the kitchen table, drankin a beer n eatin cheezits, witch that wuz his ritchual mos ever nite. he ast did i wont a beer n i sed i wood take one even tho twernt sumthin i wonted, but i tuck it on a counta he hadnt ever offered me alkyhol to drank befor.

so we fell into a conversayshun n twuz natcherul that he wood ast bout my visit to the hed shranker. i tole him whut he sed bout me bein full of shit n that twuz all on a counta i wuz trine to intelleck-chew-allize (whut a wurd!) everthang in sted of feelin it n all. turnt out daddy n me bleeved purty much the same on thisn, n that talk wuz the furst time ever whar he acted lack i wuz on his level. n ye could see whar he wuz proud i turnt out lack him.

then cum the acksident whar i destroyed my car n marked that tree. he wuz the one cum to the hospital to see wuz i ok, n whenever he gut thar, ye could see that this wuz sumthin he couldnt intelleck-chew-allize a tall. i wuz a'lyin on the table waitin fer the docter to stitch up the cuts in my face, witch i had two n they changed how i looked frum then on, n daddy cum in n tole me how my car had killt a buck deer n how the rodes wuz icy n all, n i sed, 'daddy, yer jes lookin fer excuses when ye know i dun it.' n he covered my mouth n sed he did know it but that thar woodnt be nuthin gained ifn everbidy did.

'thays sum thangs better kep to yerself,' he tole me. 'else ye wont git to live yer own life. tiz hard to know when to keep quite, but this is a time to.'

n he wuz rite bout that.

i did keep quite bout it, n next time i saw the $15 hed shranker, he could see that sumthin bout me had dun changed. then he sed he wuz afraid i had dun made a flite into health, n that bein the case, thay wuznt much he could do fer me. i reckon ye mite could say that thar acksident dun knocked the shit rite out of me, lease long a nuff to git away frum him.

n i did git away, n fer a while, seem lack daddy n me gut along purty good. he lacked playin golf, n sumtimes twood be him n eli n me over to dead horse lake over in knoxvul or south hills in oak ridge n even tho he give us a ten stroke limit, seem lack we never had much fun. but twuz a way of passin time with him, so we dun it ever so often till eli gut mad after makin a nuther bad shot n he broke daddys five iron n that wuz the last time eli went or daddy invited him.

n whenever daddy wuznt splainin bout keepin my lef arm strate n my eye on the ball n takin a keerful back swang n swangin rite thru the ball n not wurryin too much bout my slice n even sayin mayhap i should aim to the lef so the slice mite brang me back into the fairway n all them other thangs ye need to member n keep under yer cuntrol ifn yer gone play golf, well, whenever he wuznt splainin all that, he wood git to discussin his theories bout life n how ye needed to keep yer emoshuns in cuntrol n let yer mind do the thankin. n that seemed lack plane common sense to me.

but twood be years befor i wood larn the truth, n much as it hurt to hear that greasy-heded, $15 hed shranker tell me i wuz full of shit, he wuz rite.

life of buddy don, chaptur 34:
trippin with virgil n myra jane

ye mite could wunder whut wuz happenin with virgil, n thars at lease one thang ye oughta know. it probly cums as no surprise that he stayed sweet on darlene till long after he had gone to san francisco. fack is, he went in part on a counta he couldnt stand seein me be with her when he wuz hopin twood be him.

that n the fack that he wonted to try thangs, mainly sex, but also thangs lack bein on his own, havin adventchurs up in hate ashbury, n usin drugs. he could see thay wuznt much chants of tryin innythang with darlene, speshly when i wuz a marrn her, so myra jane wuz a good comprumise. she wuz ackshully a purty smart gurl with a backbone to admire, a sexy way of walkin, n as down to earth a manner as ye could hope fer. fack is, she coulda been the mother of all earth mothers.

lease thats the way it seemed to me whenever i went to visit. witch that happened jes after i had dun tride killin myself. i wonted to see em, n by then he had dun gut out of the army n wuz a'livin in sunnyvale, witch sunnyvale n the hole area twuz about to take off with the computer industry. so whenever i gut some time off frum wurk, in a dishun to the time they made me take, i drove out to californy to visit him.

i had dun seen him once on a counta he cum to visit us durin one of his furloughs. as ye mite recall, he had dun been drafted on a counta havin a low number. he tride protestin it, but thay wuznt no way out, n he wuz lucky they sent him to germuny ruther than viet nam. he wuz as good a mechanick as ever thar lived, so they tuck advantidge of that n had him reparin tanks n jeeps n such.

innywho, he cum thru oak ridge bout two years into our marrg n long befor we had moved to knoxvul. i could see rite away that he wuz jes as sweet on darlene as he had ever been, n thang wuz, seemed lack she wuz innerested rite back. it so happened that i wuz a'takin classes 4 nites a week n she had em only two, so thar wuz two nites at the house that they had alone. this wernt all that long after i had cunfessed bout magda n i wuz feelin guilty bout that so whenever i could see they wuz thankin with thar glands, i dint discurge it a tall but reminded em that we dun had us a open marrg n all that, n shure a nuff, they dun the deed one evenin while i wuz at class.

ye mite could thank that wood make me mad at my frien, but twernt thataway a tall. seemed to me lack he dun did me a favor on a counta now darlene wuz even with me n i knew twuz with sumbidy that woodnt be stayin round to make it a long lastin affair. the tit fer tat wuz dun. n far as i wuz concerned, i dint need much more of the marrg bein open. twuz a lot more truble than it seemed to be wurth.

or mayhap thats jes me talkin now that i dun had too much experients in that regard. at the time, i kep thankin i wuz missin sumthin by not havin more sex with more women. but that's off the track.

thang bout my visit to virgil n myra jane that i member mos of all wuz trippin in big sur. twuz also the furst time i met thar lil gurl jill, witch she wuz jes bout two years old at the time.

thats rite, i sed trippin. one of the bad thangs bout drugs bein illegal and thar bein a war on sum of em is that ye git to a point purty quick whar ye know ye cant take the wurd of the gummint on em. fer instunts, they started in to tellin lies bout pot bout as quick as they discovered white peeple mite lack to use it. they ignore how twuz once widely prescribed by docters n all. in sted, they cum up with lies lack that it makes ye crazy n makes ye go into mad, murderous rages, n loose cuntrol n all. taint a bit of it true. if innythang, it makes ye lazy n willin to sit around doin nuthin all day cept listn to musick n eat snacks.

but thang is, whenever ye tride it n figgered out they wernt a'tellin the truth bout it, twuz a temptayshun to thank they wernt tellin the truth bout nun of them drugs, n thats mostly the case. so after i had dun tride pot n found that nun of the awful thangs happend to me that i wuz led to bleev wuz spozed to happen, then i dint bleev em bout much of innythang they sed bout drugs. lies is awful thangs.

n durin the 70s, i tride ever sangle one of em i could git my hands on. i know that aint sumthin to be proud of, but in them daze, that seemed the main way to go on a adventchur, n dint nun of em seem as dangerus as we wuz tole.

fack is, likker n tubacka is bof em more dangerus than most of the drugs i ever cum acrost n tuck. n plane fack is, they kill more folks n ruin more lives than all them other drugs put tugether.

so whenever myra jane ast did i wonta trip, i sed i mite lack to. n virgil starts into splainin how tiz a one way street, n that once ye go down it, ye woodnt never be the same agin. n i tole him that wuz a thang to cunsidder, only wuz thay innythang that wuznt thataway? n he wundered whut i mint, n i sed that purty much everthang i had dun in my life wuz kindly one way streets that oncet i had gone down em i wuznt never the same no more. n that made him laff, so we decided we wood doot.

corse, that mint a'gettin us sum, n that mint a trip to san francisco whar myra jane had this friend, witch he wuz a gay man who lacked hangin out with myra jane on a counta she wuz a no nonsense kinda purson. whenever we cum by his apartmint, he had us in n we all talked n at one point he ast wuz i gay n i sed i wuznt n he sed wuz i shure n i sed i wuz purty shure. n he sed sumthin lack the differents tween a strate n a gay man wuz a bottle of vodka. i thanked him fer the warnin n splained how i could bleev it on a counta i wuz a lergick to hard likker in the furst place, n he laffed at that n tole me i wuz all rite.

corse he woodnt take money fer the three hits of acid he had. we thanked him n i tole him ifn i wuz ever back round, we could test his theory bout vodka, n he sed he wood keep a bottle on hand jes in case. his name wuz hank n he dint live to see 1984 on a counta aids.

we lef san francisco n drove to big sur n picked us out a campin place n hiked up to a bald of grass n tuck the acid n smoked sum pot n drunk a lil wine, lease virgil drunk the wine or most of it. twuz a purty day n frum whar we wuz, ye could look out over the woods n see the ocean. n we stayed thar the hole trip jes about, n seemed lack we dint do much but laff n play. jill wuz thar, n she wuz havin fun a'crawlin all over us. i wuz sprized mainly by how i twernt sumthin that made ye crazy n fergit whar ye wuz nor nuthin lack that. ye could see the beauty in everthang n i member clearly a layin out in the sun on that grass n realizin that i wuz happy, lease at that momint, with jill a crawlin all over me, witch i wuz always her favert till long time later when i moved away frum the farm, n the sun a shinin down on us n the good friends n the grapes n oranges n kiwi fruits that myra jane had brung fer us to eat.

at one point, i thought i could see whut the hole mystery of life wuz about, n i speck manys the purson trippin that has dun seen that. problem is, ye cant hardly splain it n ifn ye aint ever felt it, how kin ye git it?

we had us a real good time n camped out n seem lack we dint git sleepy till twuz near dawn the nex day, n then when mornin cum we wuz up early n whenever we tuck the nex toke frum a joint, we wuz reminded of the trip n it felt grate.

we went n gut us sum brakefuss n virgil cummenced to splainin the inventchuns he wuz inventin in his hed. that wuz the main thang ye had to keep strate with virgil, his inventchuns. he had dun invented mos everthang that cum along only sumbidy else beat him to ever punch whenever it cum to makin money frum em. he had the idee fer flat tvs, fer instunts, n splained how twood wurk. n he had idees fer cars n computers. fack is, ye could name mos innythang, n chantses are, he had dun invented it sum kinda way.

corse, they never gut frum his hed to a ackshul prototype nor nuthin, so ye had to kindly take his wurd fer whut he had invented.

whenever i wuz a leevin, virgil cum out to see me off. twuz too early fer myra jane or jill to be up. he sed he wonted to tell me sumthin, n we talked, n as usual, it tuck us way too long on a counta he had sum refinemints to one of his inventchuns he wonted to splain. but mainly, he jes wonted to thank me, n whenever i ast him whut fer, he sed fer not gittin even with him by havin sex with myra jane. twuz hard not to laff on a counta he had dun gut me even with darlene, n ye kin see how once ye git to openin up marrgs, ye could git to whar nuthin wood ever be even agin. i dint tell him that, but i tole him he dint have nuthin to wurry bout.

n he hugged me n tole me he bleeved thangs wuz a fixin to change n that the worl wuz a gone be enlightened n he wuz a gone show the worl new ways of bein n all. n i sed he should move to tennessee sumday on a counta ye could git land thar n mayhap we could start the new ways of livin on that land. n he laffed n sed he reckoned we could but ye could see twuz lack one of them inventchuns n mite never be the case that the idee wood git out of his hed long a nuff to be real.

by then myra jane wuz up n wontin to know whut we wuz a'talkin bout. n i tole her i wuz regrettin not gittin to make luv to her, n she laffed n sed maybe nex time, n ye could see twuz a eatin at virgil till she slapped his arm n sed to litin up. so i mentchuned the idee of gittin land in tennessee, n when myra jane promissed they wood doot, i knew they wood.

she sed maybe we wood trip agin, n i sed maybe so. n she laffed n ast me bout our trip n did i see god? n i wonted to say i dint know fer sartin, n she laffed bout that n sed i should keep lookin.

n it seemed to me, as i wuz a drivin back to tennessee after the visit, that i had dun found the path to enlightenmint, that ye could git to god by takin the rite medicine, as twere, n acid seemed lack twuz it. n thar wuznt much i woodnt try to see ifn i wood git ansers bout whut life is all bout. n i kep thankin i wood git it frum a experients of sum kind.

but whut i gut wuz really no differnt frum whut virgil wuz a'gittin frum his inventchuns, n that wuz jes one more thang in my hed that i couldnt splain to nobidy.

life of buddy don, chaptur 33:
how darlene stiffed the lawyer

once i had gut over feelin sorry fer myself fer gittin everthang i wonted, i wuz able to git the deevorce a'goin. frum the distunts of near thirty years, i kin see darlene with differnt eyes. at the time, i couldnt magine that thar wood be a nuther woman fer me. i couldnt magine havin one who wuznt as smart as she wuz. i couldnt magine a nuther one a fallin fer sumbidy lack me. i couldnt magine feelin whut i felt fer her fer innybidy else.

but frum whar i sit now, i kin see that whutever i felt fer her, however much i luved her, i dint lack her much a tall.

i gut a vivid reminder of that whenever i went over to pick her up to meet the lawyer. this wuz in early 1975, n by then she wuz willin to admit whar she wuz livin n let me off of payin fer a dorm room that wuz jes fer show. they had em a place over in karns whar thar wuz a barn n all, witch thats whar she had lil dude northfleet. whenever i pulled up, they were out back, n when i went to see em, thar wuz darlene leading perfesser william streicher around n tellin him whut to do.

twuz all i could do not to laff. wuznt he now caught in the trap i had jes wurmed my way out of?

but even seein that, thay wuz this part of me that wonted her back, n i deespized him fer not standin up to her. hadnt i dun stood up to her whenever i wuz with her? did i let her boss me around? hell no. corse, i dint have her, n thay wuz part of me that hated him even when i wuz a'lookin down on him with my lil form of pity.

fack is, i half to add mitt it tuck a long while befor the last of them feelins fer darlene lef me. but after i had marked my tree, as twere, after i had thrown my life away n found it agin, i no longer had time fer a sartin kind of foolishness.

so twuz i who called a lawyer n gut her to cum see him by sayin we could figger it out tugether or i could git me one n she could git her one n we could let the courts do thar thang.

since neethur of us wonted that, she agreed to go meet the lawyer, witch i cant fer the life of me member his name ceptn he had a office in grove center in oak ridge n he wuz one of them verr pale folks with hair so white n fine twuz barly thar. twuz a odd conversayshun. whenever we started talkin bout the deevorce we wuz a'wontin to have, we dint know if twuz a'gone be her deevorcin me or me deevorcin her, but by that time, dint matter whichn dun tuther on a counta i jes wonted it dun sos we could move on to the next faze of life.

turnt out darlene did care witchn twuz to blame, n that mint a bit of negosheeayshuns. in them daze, tennessee dint have no fault deevorce yet, so we had to have us a reason. she woodnt accept the langwage of cruel n inhuman treatment, eethur die reckshun, witch thats whut i mite wood have used on her, or else abandonmint. non-support turnt out to be more her cup of tea. twuz a fack that i sed i woodnt pay fer everthang once she wuz moved out, so we agreed this wuz closest to the truth.

then the lawyer tole me i needed to let the two of them have a momint alone sos we couldnt git caught on colushun, so they tuck bout five mints together, long a nuff fer him to git her billin address. turnt out ifn she dint wont the crime to be on her hed, she wood have to pay him n twood weaken the case ifn i wuz to pay fer him n she wuz to claim non-support, n whenever he splained that, i felt lack i had jes beat darlene in a argumint, witch that dint happen much.

so twuz agreed i wood pay the court costs, witch they cum to $44, n she wood pay fer her lawyer, witch he wuz asting $225 n i guess she dint have no room to dicker with him.

they scheduled the event n had it without even a'tellin me when twood happen, but long story short, it did, n by then i wuz dun with the furst deevorce, n that closed out a marrg that lasted egzackly four years, eight munths n four days. they sent me a bill fer the court, witch thats how i larnt the marrg wuz over.

i dint see darlene agin frum then till now n i reckon i wont ever see her agin.

i did run into her lawyer one evenin. i wuz livin out at the farm n wurkin graveyards by then n twuz my habit to stop in at shoneys big boy restrunt to have the half pound o'ground round speshul, witch i had the same thang mos ever nite, n i seen him a'waitin in line to pay his bill. he spotted me n nodded, n i nodded back. then whenever he wuz dun payin, he cum over to ast did i know how to git in touch with darlene.

i sed i thought she wuz livin over in karns, but that wuz old informayshun. he had dun sent bills thar n even a bill colleckter, but he still hadnt gut his pay.

i could see he wuz a flirtin with the idee of astin wood i pay her bill, but twood be hard to ast sumthin lack that. he could have tuck my side n used the argumint that twuz abandonmint whenever she moved out, but ye could see he wuz a lil sweet on her n twuz his prefernce to take her fer his customer. so i figgered he gut whut he wonted. beware of whut ye wont!

n ye wood thank bein a deevorce lawyer he wood no that a deevorce means not payin all ye promissed in the furst place.  he wuz lef with darlene owin him money n im shure that hurt a nuff, speshly to be taken thataway.

but i wuz lef with a wounded hart that dint seem lack twood ever wurk the same agin, n thay wuz times i hated her fer takin me the way she dun, fer usin me to git out of her the danger of livin with her mama, witch that dun twisted her up sum, n usin me to git her educayshun, witch she wuz nearly dun by time we deevorced.

n it seemed to me fer years that she had left a wound that wood never heal. now i kin see now that twuz a lot lack whenever they broke my laig sos it could be set strate, but at the time it seemed lack a senseless wound.

strang tole me time wood mend it, n he wuz rite, but twuz a crule message on a counta time seemed to move mitey slow.

but i half to add mitt, whenever i watched that poor albino lookin lawyer walk away without astin me to pay fer darlenes debt, his head down n his hands back in his pockets, as if he wuz a beaten man, i gut a lil thrill. whutever else darlene had dun to me, i had to add mire the way she had stiffed the lawyer.

life of buddy don, chaptur 31:
ye aint born all grown up

uncle buster wuz the one taught me that sayin, n it has stood the test of time. i reckon he wuz a sayin it since ferever, but i dint notice it till we tuck that vega up to wartburg n sold it to his car lot. he give us $1500, witch twernt wurth half that only he fixed it up n sold it fer more n im glad he did. he n ant josie let us in n fed us cake n coffee n give us a check. i sed twuz a miss take to buy that car, n  uncle buster allowd i wuz rite bout that. then he sed i ought not wurry much over it on a counta ye aint born all grown up.

uncle buster wuz dads next younger bruther n they had em a relayshunship lack eli's n mine on a counta they wuz the furst two n born close tugether. uncle buster wuz a lot lack eli in other ways. they wuz both quick to anger n quick to make ye laff. fack is, uncle buster wuz the funniest man i wuz ever around. thay wuz times my ribs wood be achin frum the thangs he wood say n the stories he wood tell.

he had a red face on a counta he wuz always nursin a bottle of jack daniels n they say by time he died he had been a'drankin more'n a quart a day. i never noticed so i cant rightly say. whenever he n ant josie cum over to the house, he n daddy wood generly have a drank, beer mosly. he also had im a bisness, car dealership n he wuz known to everbidy in morgan county. he give $5 dollars to everybidy that stuck in skool long a nuff to git thar hi skool diploma. they wood see im n holler out 'got that five.'

tuther side of uncle buster wuz he dint lack jews, cathlicks or black folk, witch he called em 'nigger' only not round dad. n corse he wuz a publican lack the res of the duncans.

i always git uncle buster n my furst deevorce mixed in tugether on a counta he died bout a munth after darlene n me had dun seprated. fack is, i wuz in the mental health clink whenever it happened, n they had to git speshul per mishun fer me to go to the funerul.

how i cum to be in the mental healt clink wuz one weekend darlene sed she wood meet me out at the ranch n we could ride. point is, we wuz spozed to be spendin weekends tugether only it never seemed to wurk out. she had homewurk n who knows whut. i wood call the dorm, but she wuz never thar, n it gut me feelin blue. by then i wuz happy fer inny chants to see her n she wuz plannin on comin home with me.

then here she cum n theres a man holdin her hand n felt to me lack i dun been punched in the stumach. i wuz cleenin the stall n saw em walkin cross the yard twards the barn. n when they cum in to the barn, they let go thar hands n she called out to lil dude northfleet n then she saw me in the stall with him, witch i gut sos i would keep im in thar with me sumtimes while i wuz cleenin on a counta he lacked bein close to me.

twuz awkward to say the lease. i wuz hip deep in horseshit n here wuz this perfersser william striecher fer me to meet, n he cummenced to sayin i should call him bill but never dun it. i did cum out n leaned the shovel agin the stall n shuck his hand n ast whut did he teach n ackted lack i cared bout economix, witch it seemed lack everthang economix had in it wuz obveeus innywho. he had on a brand new cowboy hat n new boots n i could see he wuz much more serious bout bein a cowboy than me n i reckon that mint sumthin to darlene.

she tuck the horse n off they went. later on i seen him ridin that old blind mare they call whitey n he wuz sittin purty good till they gut em into a trot, n then he fell off n i half to add mitt it felt real good n poked a crule chuckle out of me. whitey stopped in waited while perfesser william streicher gut back up n they went off a gin. i wurked on the stall n waited n then put a saddle on a mare name of carla n rode up to the ridge n sat on the tree n waited fer em to be dun.

after an hour maybe a lil more i cum down. i knew darlene couldnt ride too long without gittin sore n she hadnt been out fer a while n shure a nuff, i seen em pullin the saddle off as i rode up. i tuck care of carla n had her brushed by time they had gut one of lil dude's back feet picked up sos they clean out his frog. lil dude aint used to em, n they wuz strugglin with him, witch that jes makes it wurse.

i wuz fixin to offer to hep em n had jus rounded the corner when i heard sumthin that stung me harder than a hornet wooda dun, jes a scrap of a sentents, jes perfesser william streicher a'astin her ifn she wuz a'gone be home that nite. twuz so cashul n so reglar, n thats whut hurt so.

darlene saw me a'cumin before she anserd n seem lack she wonted to shush im, n then he saw me n ast how wuz i.

'fair to middlin,' i lied. n whenever i gut close lil dude northfleet turnt my way n both darlene n perfesser wuz acktin lack they dun been caught pickin berries on the rong side of the fence, n they couldnt hardly move even, so i tuck the hoof pick n they stepped away while i tuck care of lil dude. n whenever they seen lil dude wuz happy in my care, they walked out twards the perfessers car. n i reckon they kissed good bye only i never seen it.

then here cum darlene jes lack we wuz a havin a date n her daddy had dun dropped her off. n ye kin jes magine how i wuz a feelin but i tole myself i had her cumin with me fer the momint n mayhap i wood git up the curge to tell her off good or to ast her to moov back in or whutever twuz i wuz a'wishin i had the guts to do bout the situwayshun.

but whut i dun wuz drive her out to my place, witch twuz the furst n last time she ever cum over thar, n i showed her roun n made hotdogs n pork n beans n tater chips n rc cola fer a late lunch n then we smoked a lil pot n then seem lack we couldnt find nuthin to say, so we listened to the billy joel piano man album on a counta twuz one of her faverts.

then fer sum reason i couldnt name neethur then nor now we wuz in the bed n she wuz urgin me on n i wuz wunderin how my hart could be so empty of desire n my bidy so swole up with it. but twuz lack that time with magda mruzinski n seem lack darlene couldnt take my not reachin climax fer a anser n it gut so i wonted to pertend, but i startid crine in sted. n she held me n then she wuz crine n then i tole her i knew twuz over n that she wuz a livin with him, witch i dint know nuthin of the kind ceptn i figgered it had to be. n she cride harder n allowed twuz true. n we wuz nekkid n lyin thar still joined tugether n her moovin ever now n agin n ye could see she wuz egcited even spite of herself n her tears.

n then we wuz a laffin at ourself n fer a mint we wuz talkin lack we wuz the worls oldest friends n we knew everthang.

n then we kissed n twuz gentle n i sumtimes wunder ifn i hadnt had to ruin it n tell her i luved her, n wood do innythang to get her back, n that i dint wont a open marrg, n that i luved her, n that i couldnt live without her, n when i started a'sayin i loved her the third time, she put her fanger to my lips n stopped me.

n i could see how twuz n then i knew she n perfesser william streicher wuz a gone marry, witch they dunnit in fack n far as i know they lived happy ever after. n that dont bother me nun now, but then twuz more'n i could take.

i wuz suddenly so angry i bit her fanger, not hard, but she felt it n pullt away. n then everthang wuz cold n she wuz a gittin dresst n then i wuz puttin on my cloze too n then we were in the car. i ast whar i should take her, n she sed the dorm lack twuz as natcherul as innythang.

'but ye dont stay thar nun,' i sed, n she denide it n then fer the furst time in years we gut into a fuss n fite n tole each uther everthang we'd been savin up n twuz devestatin to bofus, only thang wuz, by time we wuz three quarters dun with the fuss n fite we wuz thar so we finisht the altercayshun n i tole her id see her ifn i did n not ifn i dint but she dint say nuthin.

as i wuz drivin home i magined her reackshun ifn i wuz to kill myself. maybe then she'd unnerstan how i wuz feelin, a wontin sumthin that wuz dun alreddy ded.

but i gut back home ok n played peeano fer a bit n then lay down fer a nap befor a'goin to wurk.

i wuz tired walkin in to wurk. by time strang cum by to see me, i wuz feelin so low ye wooda needed a ex ackto knife to scrap me up. n he seen it n he had im a idee whut twuz so he cummenced to pokin round the issue n nex thang ye know i wuz crine my eyes out lack i wuz a lil child that had dun jes lost his mama. n strang tole me i dint have to figger thisn all out by my ownself n that thay wuz peeple could hep, n he tole me bout a speshul progrum they had em thar at carbide, n long story short, whenever mornin cum he tuck me over to the dispensry n purty soon they had dun tuck me over to the oak ridge mental health clinic.

whenever i found myself thar, seemed lack twuz the lowest i had yet dun gone. why i wuz out frum wurk wuz a secret to everbidy but my boss at wurk, but everbidy knew sumthin wuz rong n turnt out i wood be out fer a while.

n that;s when uncle buster died. fack is, eli wuz by his side whenever he passed on.

the story of elis transformayshun is gone half to be tole purty soon, but fer now, i'll jes say he had dun had it n he wuz in a faze of it whar he dun lots of good thangs fer other folk.  him n uncle buster wuz always a lot alike so eli went down to the vanderbilt hospitul, witch thats whar uncle buster went to die. n he red one zane grey or louis l'amour novel after a nuther till uncle buster had dun swole up frum kidney failure, witch they say he died frum that only twuz his liver that give out on him furst.

corse, he claimt that whut wuz a'killin him wuz a havin to quit drankin cold turkey, n that mite could be fer all i know. they say he wuz deeliryus fer two weeks at the beginnin of the ordeel.

but eli wuz thar the hole time n he wood read n pray over uncle buster n talk n listen to whutever uncle buster had to say. n then uncle buster told eli he wuz a'gone take a lil walk. n then he rolled over n died.

eli cum to git me n drive me home whenever they let me loose fer the funerul, n twuz a humiliayshun at the time fer eli to be drivin me since everbidy knew he wuz the one with the mental problems.

the funerul wuz in wartburg n jes about everbidy ceptn uncle jeffs furst fambly wuz thar. n they played taps n seemed lack i saw a tear in daddy's eye fer the furst time in my life, twuz a awful thang to see.

n the revernd spoke a prayer over the casket n then whenever he had everbidys a tenshun, he startid tellin thangs bout uncle buster.

n one of the furst thangs he mentshunned wuz how uncle buster used to always say 'ye aint born all grown up.' n frum that he made a hole sermun n seem lack it twuz a'hittin home with me. n he spoke bout whut kinda man uncle buster wuz n how he wuz always trine to improov hisself n be a lil more n how he wood add mitt whenever he wuz wrong, n he wood say, 'well, ye aint born all grown up.'

n then that preechur tole many of the good thangs uncle buster did, the peeple he helped, the loans he fergut, the whiskey he shared, witch everbidy laffed whenever the revernd sed that.

n then he sed he reckoned twuz true how ye aint born all grown up, but ye gut to be lack uncle buster n keep a'growin till the day ye die. n mayhap ifn ye do, ye kin die all grown up.

n that gut me headed the rite die reckshun fer a bit. i gut out of the mental health clink n wuz a doin purty good.

then one cold day in december i called darlene n ast could we git a deevorce, n i wonted her to say no we couldnt, but she sed she guessed we oughta but she wuz busy jes then n woodnt be able to do nuthin bout the deevorce till sprang. n that seemed so hartless n cold, so i tole her, only she couldnt unnerstan the big hurry.

n whenever she sed that, i could see how our deevorce wuz jes anuther thang lack goin to the dentist, sumthin she wood half to face sooner or later. n seem lack i gut sadder n sadder n gut to whar i knew she wuz rite n that deevorce wuz jes one more thang to be dun. how i wished twuz over or never had to be.

n then i gut to wishin the same thang bout myself. i could be over or never half to be. n i wuz astin myself whuts the point of bein alive ifn ye cant feel nuthin but pain?

bout then i wuz cumin up on k-25. n whut happened next wuznt sumthin i planned or even knew i wuz a'gone do till the mint i dun it. seemed lack i wuz jes a thankin bout her n how i hurt n how i wonted to hurt her jes as bad. n then i sed i wonted to know whut cums nex after this life. n then i shouted i wonted the pain to be over. n i jammed on the gas n twisted the steerin wheel to the rite n crashed hed on into a tree. n deesurved to be ded, but wuz barly hurt even tho the injun wuz steemin in the frunt seat. twuz a miracle.

or mayhap twernt, but when i had crawled out the window n felt the splash of rain on my face n herd the echo of my voice sreamin fer damnayshun n reelized i had been turnt down, well, i startid into feelin blessed n realizin that life itself is the miracle.

n i felt brand new, as ifn i had dun been reborn.

i walked out in the rain n thumbed a ride to oak ridge. a pickup truck full of miners stopped n picked me up. they saw the blood on my face n shirt n they could see the car steamin next to the tree, so they ast whut happened. i tole em i had lost control of the car in the rain n the driver sed i wuz lucky n i needed to be keerful. i tole him i wuz a'gone to be real keerful frum then on. then i sed i speckted i wood make more miss takes.

n he ast how cum, n i sed on a counta ye aint born all grown up.

n everbidy wuz quite fer a mint, n then the driver sed he allowed twuz true, n he sed he lacked the sayin, n he ast whut twuz n i repeated it. n we drove to oak ridge n i gut out n fainted.

n the driver stayed n when i cum around he sed he reckoned he wood git movin, but he jes stood lookin down at me.

'i lack that one,' he sed, n i ast him witchn. 'ye aint born all grown up. it bears repeatin.' then he lef n i wuz alone. n that wuz the momint i grew up a nuff to know i wood survive frum the pain of loosin darlene.

tiz many a year since then, n i still aint all grown up.

life of buddy don, chaptur 30:
lawsy day

as ye git older one of the main thangs ye member bout folks is thar sayins. this is speshly true bout yer relativs on a counta ye wood here em usin sayins whenever ye wuz too lil to know that sayins wuz whut they wuz. ye mite coulda thought they wuz jes talk.

then later on in life long cums one of them sayins to remind ye of sumbidy.

grandie, fer instunts. she used to sit out under the shade tree on a hot day sippin ice tea while we wuz a'playin in the yard. n ever now n agin she wood sigh n say 'lawsy day.' n whenever she wuz furst a'sayin it, i couldnt thank why.

then the first nite i spent in the house in kingston, after eli n brew had finely lef, i wuz sprized to here myself heave up a big ole sigh n say 'lawsy day.' n that made me thank bout grandie n wunder how twood have made her feel to know i wuz deevorcin frum darlene.

corse the furst nite i wuz thar, twernt lack our plan wuz that we wuz deevorcin. leest that wernt the way we splained it.

twuz summer in 1974 n heres the logick of the argumint darlene n me wuz makin. she wuz about to be a senyur in collidge. i wuz still plannin on goin to roane state in the fall. twuz a hardship on me havin to drive so far. magine how easy twood be if i wuz livin in kingston n she wuz livin in a dorm. jes fer her senyur year. and besides, n we had us a open marrg. i thank ye git the drift.

mama wood say 'bewar of whut ye wont' n she mint ye wuz a'fixin to git it. whenever i wuz lil, seem lack she wuz a sayin 'bewar of whut ye wont' on a counta i wuz actin up n astin fer a whippin. then whenever i tole her bout wontin to see places n do thangs, she wood say 'bewar of whut ye wont' n then it seemed lack a good thang, lack she wuz a promisin me my dreams wuz a'gone cum true.

then later on, darlene n me, we hatched us that plan on me a'movin to kingston n her to the dorms, and i caint lie bout how twuz. thay wuz thangs i wuz a wontin even ifn they wernt thangs i wuz spozed to be a'havin. n one of em wuz gretchen, witch she n the other three gurls frum the farm cum over the nite after i had dun moved darlene into the dorm, witch i dint move till the next day. so ye mite could say i specktid thangs mite wurk out with gretchen n mayhap one them shotgun tokes wood turn into a kiss.

corse darlene had her reasons too on a counta she had dun made the quaintunts of her future husbin, witch that wood be professer william streicher, only he ast me to call him bill the time we met. she had dun tole me she wuz in luv with him. but she also tole me she wuz confused on a counta she wuz in luv with me jes as much as him n i wuz her furst n all. i wont lie. i shoulda bin hurt whenever she wuz a'tellin me this, but whut i felt wuz a jolt of egcitemint in my belly on a counta i wuz thankin bout gretchen. so as ye kin see, my hart wuz confusd by my lust n my hed wuz confused by my hart.

n thats how we cum to the conclushun that we mite should seprate, witch thats whut we dun.

i had to tell mama n when i did she sed, 'bewar of whut ye wont.'

so with a lawsy day i looked round at everythang i had, witch we had dun bought us about everthang a bidy could wont fer the house. tv. stereo. lp records. couch. chars. coffee table. kitchin junk. a set of pliances. bed. ptichers to hang on the wall. books n bookcases. everthang ye could wont. ceptn twuz powerful lonesum n lawsy day wuz makin sense to me.

then i gut to wunderin whut wood daddy say bout i n i knew twood be 'this too shall pass.' n i give thatn sum thought n figgered he wuz rite. wernt no reason to git down in the dumps jes after a'gittin jes whut ye wonted.

daddy wuz full of sayins to hep ye git through thangs. 'aint nuthin ever as good or bad as it seems.' thatn seemd to set rite well with 'this too shall pass,' so i tuck out a few otherns lack 'whut dont kill lye makes ye stronger' n 'ifn thay wuz no hard times, good times wood seem hard' n 'ye kin fine the good or the bad in innythang, so witchn will it be?' n 'ye gone curse the dark or lite a candle.'

n them sayins had me up n a'bangin on the peeano. daddy also used to say that ye git thru life by always havin sumthin to look ford to lack fishin or playin golf, witch he lacked to play golf but i dint even tho we played many a time. n i membered him a'talkin bout havin thangs to look ford to as i wuz a bangin on the peeano n i thought to myself i wuz a gone see gretchen the verr nex day n i wood look ford to that.

but thangs dint wurk out jes the way i wuz specktin to on a counta i had gut my bruther brew to cum out to the farm.

brew wuz 2 years youngern eli n fer sum reason he never played with us much whenever we wuz lil. now he wuz growd n seem lack we had sum thangs in common lack how we luved to fish n hike n camp n jes be outdoors, n after he n eli had dun helped me move all them thangs over to kingston, we put on harvest by neil young n lit us a joint.

direckly i gut to tellin em bout lil dude northfleet n how much i luved to ride. i ast em did they ever wonta cum out to the farm, n corse eli sed no, witch he had dun had his transformayshun by then n ye couldnt hardly git im to do nuthin. brew wuz differnt. i tole him how much fun we had n how we wood race em n i wuz braggin how lil dude northfleet n me could beat inny horse on the farm without even a bridle in his mouth ner saddle on his back ner nuthin. so he sed he could cum out n since he wuz wurkin day shif how bout mundy?

so next day long bout 4:45 here he cum in his datsun 240z n still a'wearin his uniform, witch he wuz a gard out at y-12. n soons he hollered out 'hey bro' them four gurls wuz all over him, n ye kin see why on a counta he gut the looks in the fambly with his green eyes n curly har n tall lanky frame, witch he wuz leest six feet three.

we saddled up sum horses n rode up to the tree n purt soon i seen whar gretchen wuz a'sittin over by him apart frum us n she wuz astin did the gun have bullets n he wuz a'showin her how twurked. n i could see he wuz powrful happy.

then he ast bout whuther he couldnt move in with me on a counta we could split the rent n thay wuz 2 bedrooms n he wonted to git out of the house n quit livin with mama, witch she could be a bit much, n i sed twood be a pleshur to have him.

n i wuz a thankin twood hep beat down the lonliness, but twernt a munth befor gretchen moved in. n twuz a mitey tortchur to bar. she lacked to git hi bettern innybidy i ever met n ifn we wuz alone whenever she wuz hi she flurted lack crazy, witch that happend too often on a counta brew wurked swang shif. n that led to a bad momint whenever i ast her wuz she really in luv with brew or wuz she a'wontin sumthin with me n she put on a ack lack she wuz shocked n that made thangs rathur uncumfterbull tween us.

i gut em to switch my schedule at wurk to graveyard shif n that mint i dint run into gretchen much a tall n whenever brew wuz on midnites we would smoke a bowl together, witch i started lacking pipes whenever virgil cum out of the army n give me that meershum pipe he got in turkey. n we wood discuss thangs, n i could see he wuz a'gittin on the seryus side of luvin gretchen.

n that led to me a'talkin bout darlene, n that led to such an achin in my hart till i dint know how i could go on.

lawsy day.

musikul review: jethro burns

ye might member a rant i dun a while back called 'covers n owe ridgnals' whar i wuz statin that i lacked owe ridgnal musik bettern covers, n fer the mos part, thats so, speshully whenever i git out to see live musik. my main point wuz that ifn yer gone do a cover of sum song thats dun been writ n proovd, ye need to do sumthin to make it yer own.

thays a man name of jethro burns, witch he wuz born kenneth c burns in conasauga tennessee, witch thats in polk county, n he mite not be the bes mandlin picker ever wuz, but he's amung em. mos folks, ifn theyve ever herd of jethro burns a tall, dun herd of him on a counta he had a grate band with a nuther guy frum east tennessee name of henry d haines, witch they called him 'homer.' they met each other whenever they wuz 12 years old n competin at a pickers contest. they lost the contest but they wuz put into a band called the string dusters by wnox, witch they used to play musik. they made friends n started em a group called homer n jethro.

they dun lots of covers only they made em owe ridgnals by changin up the wurds n makin em funny, sorta lack weerd al yankovic decades befor thay wuz a al yankovic.

i member em sorta only in them daze i wuz resistunt to innythang cuntry n had to ack lack i wuz embarrsd by em. n thats a shame. fer one thang, they wuz noted fer sayin 'today we feel we have a great future behind us, and we have never let failure go to our heads.' ye wood thank ida picked up on sumbidy that honest but i hated cuntry musik too much to give it a chants.

but i gut over it n tuck up mandlin playin my ownself n twernt long befor i discoverd jes how amazin jethro burns playin is.

n that brangs me to a nuther thang thats verr nice nowadays n that is thanks to the inventshun of the cd, they dun put out lots of musik ye used to couldnt git. n ifn ye wonta here two of the bes cds of musik ever recordid, then ye need to git a copy of 'swing low, sweet mandolin' n 'bye bye blues' by jethro burns. ye wont git nuthin but worl class pickin of a passel of jazz n swang classiks, n thays jes two pickers on eethur album, tuthern bein the gittar picker don stiernberg, witch hes amazin his ownself. they dont do much of nuthin ceptn covers, but they make em thar own.

heres whut ye do ifn ye wonta fine out bout this kinda musik:

1. buy bof em cds

2. git ye a bottle of jack daniels

3. pore ye a shot or two into a glass

4. dont deeloot yer whiskey with ice

5. put on swang low sweet mandlin

6. turn the stereo up!

7. sip yer whiskey n listn hard

8. n corse tiz better ifn yer baby is thar with ye

9. switch to bye bye blues

10. repeat

ye wont regret it!