hope of buddy don: performin the phoenix manoover

as i mentchund last time i rote, i cummenced to bein treated fer migraines usin tradishunull chinese medicine bout a week n a half ago, sumthin lack that. by windsdy, whenever i made my last post, i had jes started to larn how to cook my erbs rite, witch that wuz the furst day i used my new chinese erb pot. once i dun that, turnt out ye could bile down them erbs in about 2 hours.

bes result is how on windsdy i started feelin better n thursdy wuz the bes day i dun had this year. seem lack fer the furst time, i wuznt a'feelin lack a migraine could strike me inny mint. lease lil weather change n i wood git that tenderheaded warnin i mite could be havin one. twuz such a good feelin i felt lack i wuz reborn.

so happend that miz bd had me hep her hang a framed phoenix in the corner of our apartment a while back n i gut to thankin bout how the phoenix razes its self up frum its own ashes n i felt kindly lack that bird my ownself on a counta how seem lack i burnt out frum migraine till i wuznt nuthin n then them erbs cummenced to brangin me back. so i figgerd i wood root round in my own ashes by diggin into my papers. whut treashurs i found! i wuz speshly sprized to find all the thangs i had writ that i had dun fergot about, fergot i had writ em, fergot cumpletely bout em, ceptn thar they wuz in thar lil file, witch me n miz bd had to dig sum to git to them files. twuz a reeminder that all this wurk is leadin at lease to a huge pile of paper, witch that wuz the deal i made with myself way back when. as i looked thru them old papers, i felt lack that bird, reborn. i hope it aint no illushun, hope them erbs is really whuts a'wurkin.

so im performin the phoenix manoover, witch ye need to do that bout ever decade or so i reckon.

treetment of buddy don: tradishnull chinese medicine

whenever dr gp sent me to get myself ackupunkchurd, i figgerd they wood stick sum needles in me n have dun with it, but i wuz rong. the real medicine is a bunch of erbs, witch i tuck a pitcher of whut they look lack on a rivull:



i caint ritely say whut i wuz eggspecktin, but i half to add mitt i wuz a lil sprized whenever i opend up the pack n tuck a look in side:



ye kin see whar thays a lil exter pack of stuff that ye dont put in till the last 15 mints. it looks like sum kinda brown bark.

ye gut to cut yerself three slices of ginger to put in:



me n miz bd figgerd we could cook em in a crock pot, witch that turnt out to be a miss take on a counta how that thar water wont never bile down frum 5 cups to 1, witch whut ye spozed to do is put in the erbs n 5 cups of water n brang em to a bile n turn down the heat a dab n bile em till thay aint but a cup left, but lack ye kin see, we put em in the crock pot, witch ye kin git a better look at em thar:



yesterdy i had a nuther a pointment fer gittin ackupunkchurd n so happent i had a migraine too, witch i tuck two doses of zomig n went in lack i wuz a zombie, witch miz bd went along to hep out. we ast frank whut we wuz spozed to use to bile down them erbs n he tole us we could git a erb pot in chinatown fer about $5. we wuz rite near china town so whenever we wuz dun, we went by n got us one even tho they ast $6.50 fer it, witch heres whut it looks lack:



whenever we gut home las nite we biled down them erbs in a reglar pot n put the new one in to soak overnite, witch ye gut to temper it to git it reddy to use. twernt easy to git sumthin that tastes so odd down. i wood say it tastes awful, but we both hope twill proov to be part of the anser n ifn it turns out thataway, i reckun i kin larn to lack it.

thankee all fer yer kind comments n emails. tiz a grate blessin to live in a worl with folks so nice.

blessins of buddy don: brake fer countin blessins

i aint a'gone janx my ownself by braggin that i beat this last migraine i been a'havin fer nigh onto a week, but seems lack i am a'gittin close ifn i aint thar yet. durin this moment of relief, tiz only rite to count up the minny blessins thats been revealed by whut ima gone thru.

1. i gut my own soul mate fer my wife, witch ima gone tell much more bout her n me in the long run of that novel i been a'ritin name of life n pinions of buddy don, hillbilly.
   
   
2. i dun mentchuned my job n the grate boss i gut, witch they been nuthin but hepful all along.
   
   
3. i gut a verr fine primairy keer fizzishun, as they call em these daze, witch ima call him dr gp lack genrul pracktishner -- innywho, tiz a blessin to have such a docter.
   
   to give ye a idee of whut kinda feller his is, his offus is deckorated by pitchers his children dun, witch i lack the one name of 'cool silly daddy.' turnt out he marrd a woman frum oak ridge, witch that hepped him understand how a bidy could have orange blood.
   
   but the mane grate thang bout this feller is how he duz his docterin. he dont tell ye whut ye gutta do, he splains whut he thanks ye gut n whut yer opshuns fer gittin well is. he also gits a good idee bout ye n gits to whar he knows yer a'gone lack one kinda treatment bettern a nuthern. hes open to alterntiv idees lack ackupunktchur, witch he evens uses em his ownself ifn they wurk.
   
   so whenever i woke up sick on windsdy, i deecided to go see im ifn i could git a pointment, witch i dun it n i reckon i dun rote bout it, more or less. i dint git a chants to splain how thatn cum out, so here goes. after he checked to make short twuz mos lackly migraines a'makin me vomit, he tole me thay wuz two ways i could go, witch he dint thank i wood be innerested in one of em, witch thats to use a bunch of beta blockers to make it so yer bidy dont git migraines ceptn it duz git a long list of side effecks. he wuz rite that i dint wonta do that ifn i could hep it. he figgerd tuther treatment wood soot me better, witch tiz gittin ackupunktchur n takin a bunch of chinese erbs.
   
   i tole im in ackshul fack i wood try innythang, even them beta blockers, ceptn he wuz rite how i wood prefer to use the lease medicin possibull. so he calls the ackupunktchur place n asts could i git a pointment fer that verr day. he lef a message on thar machine n tole me how they wuz down near the worl finantshill center. i hadnt et nuthin on a counta bein too sick so he give me a zomig n tole me to take it n eat. as ye kin see, thays a hole slew of blessins in havin a docter lack i gut.
   
   
4. as ye mite know, thays sumtimes blessins mixt in with other blessins, so turnt out thay wuz a sprize exter blessin mixt in with all i had to do on windsdy, witch part of it wuz how i woodnt take no zomig out in publick on a counta how tiz a knockout drop fer me, so i had to go home n eat a baked tater miz bd made fer me, witch that meant i gut to see her befor a'goin to the ackupunktchur place.
   
   
5. witch that thar leads to a nuther blessin on a counta how miz bd has been a'studyin all kindsa medicin all her life n chinese is the one she lacks the bes.
   
   
6. witch they wuz even blessins mixt in with them blessins on a counta to git down to that ackupunktchur place we had to take the path train over to lower man hattan n twuz the furst time we had dun it since they gut it a'wurkin agin after nine one one. whut a site twuz on a counta ye could see whar the old tubes wuz that the path trains run in befor n ye could git a rite good view of the cunstruckshun site down in thar n twuz nuthin short of a blessin to see all that.
   
   
7. turnt out that thar ackupunktchur place is a nuther blessin. i aint never had no docter treat me lack they dun thar.
   
   furst, a woman name of abby tuck me n miz bd to a lil room with a bed n a cuple chars in it n then she ast me a passle of questchuns bout mos everthang i do in life, even thangs ye dont never talk bout lack movin yer bowels n whuther ye sleep easy or wake easy or have dry mouth or cold hands or lose yer deesire fer sex or have a stressful job or eat red meat n more other questchuns that i caint member em all. n that aint all. whenever she tuck my pulse, she tuck it on bof sides n noted the differnts twixt em. she also looked at my tung.
   
   then a feller name of frank cum in n he tuck my pulse n looked at my tung lack abby had dun.
   
   he ast me to take off all my cloze ceptn my underwhar so i dun it n lay me down on a table they had n frank tole me twoodnt hurt nun while he wuz rubbin a lil liquid on my hands n feet n then quick as ye blank a'stickin four lil needles in me, one in each hand n one in each foot. then i lay thar fer a while n near fell asleep -- miz bd claims i did fall asleep.
   
   
8. then i wuz sprized when abby cum in n give me a massage, witch twuz a nuther unlooked fer blessin.
   
   
9. after that frank splained how westurn medicin tries to cuntrol the symptums of migraines but chinese medicin tries to put yer bidy back into balants to whar ye dont have no migraines atall. frank wuz positiv they could beat them thangs, witch jes havin sumbidy be so shore the problem could be beat wuz a nuther blessin. ye dont here that kinda thang bout migraines much. he splaind how i wood half to cum back ever week, keep a diary of everthang i ate n ever migraine i had n drank sum erbs everday, witch they wood be shipped frum chinatown n ever week he wood look over whar i wuz n adjust them erbs ifn he they needed changin.
   
   
10. whenever me n miz bd cum outta that offus, we saw a nuther thang that ye mite could thank wood be a curse, but twuz probly a blessin, witch twuz how whenever we went in to that ackupunktchur place, twuz warm but whenever we cum out, twuz verr cold n rainin, witch alreddy my scalp wuz a'gittin tender n by yeterdy mornin, twuz a painful scrape of scalp so i tuck the medicin twice n slep mos of the day away n mayhap even that wuz a blessin on a counta once i woke frum a sleep so deep miz bd wuz a'scairt i had quit breathin, i wuznt havin that migraine no more. fack is, that migraine lasted frum last fridy till last nite.

im a'feelin lack a holler log of a persun now, witch tiz a common feelin ye git whenever yer migraine finely brakes or lease i do. innywho, i wuz deelited to read a comment made while i wuz 'out' yesterdy whar red molly had dun red all 130 chapturs of life n pinions of buddy don, hillbilly. thats near 1,000 pages of readin. ifn sumbidy kin read thru all that, then it must be wurth a'doin. n thats a nuther blessin.

as ye kin see, i gut blessins beyond countin!

blessins of buddy don: kindness of everbidy

i aint gut much to say today. fer one thang, seems lack i caint git past bein worn out by all the vomitin. but i wonted to say a few wurds bout how kind everbidy has been to me. ye kin read in the comments how sum of them that drops by to this site has wished me well. caint nobidy know how much that means to a bidy durin a time lack this.

but tiz also a grate time to count my blessins at wurk. yesterdy i went in on a counta havin been out so minny days this year alreddy, but twuz purty obveeus to innybidy that i wuznt well. i gut in round 7:30 as is my habit n dun my early mornin bizness. at 9 we had a meetin, witch my new boss wuz in it. twuz ok but i had to swaller a lot of spit to keep frum runnin to vomit agin.

quick as that meetin wuz over, i hedded back to my offus n thar cum my new boss. she sed, 'yes, i am followin you.' once we gut to my offus, she tole me not to wurry bout bein sick, twuznt sumthin i half to pallgize fer even ifn i caint hep pallgizin lack nobidys bizness. then she sed i shouldnt half to wurk when twuz obveeus i wuz about to barf, so she tole me i could go home n not to wurry n not to log on frum home to try to do no wurk.

twuz a moment of such uneggspeckted kindness that i wuz touched. aint nuthin lack a good boss that unnerstands ye n puts yer well-bein befor gittin wurk dun. i tuck her up on her offer on a counta bein too whupped to do much else. cum home n slept a bunch of the day till i could eat sumthin without it wontin to cum back up.

aint outta the woods yet n aint never had no migraine type symptums last so long. makes me wonta go back to my reglar docter n start all over agin, witch we dun tride that whenever this thang started back in 1999 n thang that cunvinced us twuz migraines wuz how the vomitin dint respond to no anti-emitick, not even a shot. (we had tried pills n spositories, but i couldnt keep eethur of em down or in me long a nuff.) fack is, once they cum up with the idee twuz migraines, then they give me medicine fer migraines n it wurked a lot better.

so fergive me fer bein so self-centerd n carryin on bout this here problem. thang is, whenever ye git sumthin that makes ye half wish ye were dead, lots of other thangs dont seem near as importunt. ifn i dont git sick befor i git to wurk today, i plan to ast fer nex week off as vacayshun. that way, wont nobidy eggspeck me to show up when i caint n after that week, i see dr mauskop n mayhap i kin git a better plan fer dealin with these thangs. i kin be lack a stopped watch fer a while: lease ye know ye wont find the rite time on it, ceptn fer twice a day, but ye kin depend on it fer them two times. at the moment, i caint depend on myself to git to wurk.

mizry of buddy don: corse of wurst migraine ever yet

them migraines: thar a'gittin longer n more intrusive by the year, seems lack.

i gut my furst migraine the day tennessee won the nashunul champeenship out in tempe arizona by whuppin florida state 17-10. i wuz bout to turn 47 years ole n till that time, i had always figgerd migraines wuznt even real, even ifn my own mama n grandie (daddy's mama) gut em.

that mornin i gut up n felt a lil iffy. purty soon i cummenced to vomitin n jes couldnt git it to stop till after tennessee had dun won the game, witch it seemed lack sumthin a'gone on in a nuther room frum whar i wuz even ifn twuz jes a few feet away on a counta how me n miz bd lived in a tiny studio apartment over in man hattan at the time.

fer years we dint have no idee whut wuz a'makin me have them vomitin spells. i wood git up, feel a lil odd, n begin vomitin. fer 12 to 16 hours, i couldnt stop vomitin, generly one to four times ever hour.

finely, my mane docter cum up with the idee that mahyap them vomitin spells wuz frum migraines. so fer a cuple years i tuck two migraine strength excedrin ever mornin furst thang whenever i gut up. but ye caint tell if sumthin lack that is a'wurkin ifn ye still git them vomitin spells.

then thar cum a day when i had one that wuz paneful n dint make me vomit. i figgerd i mite have sumthin rong with my head, so i gut a pointment with them mri folks, had magnetick pitchers made of my brane, n went to see dr mauskop, who runs the new york headache center. hes one of the worls foremost eggspurts on migraines. he made me quit takin the excedrin, cut down on caffeine, take migralief n coenzyme Q 10, n extersize everday.

i saw him after a migraine on the 28th of march of last year n dint have a nuther migraine till september 18. dr mauskop figgerd out sum of them migraines cums frum eatin thangs with msg n uther artifushull flavers in em. miz bd has been noticin how i only git em certain times of the year, n makin it fer so long without one last year seemed lack proof bout thar bein a seasonal aspeck to this hole thang, sumthin miz bd has been much quicker to notice. she also noticed how i git them sick headache spells after certain kinds of weather changes.

innywho, my mane cuncern now is how they seem to be cummin more often n when they git here, they last longer. the last one that kep me outta wurk yestedy is a perfeck eggzample of how thar a'changin.

on friday the weather made one of them changes, frum warm n still in the mornin to cold n breezy in the late afternoon. my scalp had dun started feelin verr tender that afternoon even befor i lef wurk fer dinner with my frien george ochoa. (we et at st andrews n i bought im his furst sangle malt scotch, witch i figgerd he could start with talisker same as we dun, n he luved it.) nex day, twuz not quite paneful, but miz bd could see i wuz bein affeckted by it. she kin tell ifn ima havin a migraine even ifn i dont know it yet. we stayed in all day n dint do much, but i had that feelin of dread ye git whenever ye know yer bout to go thru sumthin paneful or difficult.

shore a nuff, nex day i woke with all the symptums -- haloe affeck, paneful scalp, sick feelin in my stumach, the feelin of 'not bein thar' eggzackly. mis bd knew i wuz sick the instunt she saw me, so i tuck sum zomig n went back to bed. late in the day i gut up n felt better n figgerd twuz over.

but yesterdy mornin had a sprize fer me. i gut up n knew purty quick i wuz a'gone start vomitin. i tuck the medicin, but it dint do nuthin. i cummenced to vomit ever 15 or 20 mints all day long. i had cum outta one of them spells one time by takin a verr hot shower, so i tuck five or six of em yesterdy. finely, round 6 o'clock, after vomitin frum 5 am, i tuck one n felt lack i woodnt vomit no more.

but im skeerd bout how much time thar takin n how long thar a'gittin n how often thar a'cummin. i caint wait to see the docter agin. i wonta ast him why that medicin wurks sumtimes but not otherns.

mayhap whut i gut is sumthin else?

mizry of buddy don: wurst migraine ever

all weekend log i had it n woke vomitin this mornin.

pinions of buddy don: 'there is no trust' (part two)

warning: ifn yer irony blind, ye better not read thisn!

yesterdy i splaind how i dun figgerd out the mane problem we gut with our budgetin process:

old people

in the intrest of fairness n full discloshur, i dun been accused of bein one of them verr old people, witch tiz a lie on a counta how i aint no moren 53 year old, but tiz true that i aspire to becum one of them old people.

be that as tiz, whuther im old or jes hopin to git old, the plane fack is how old people is a big problem. jes a lil recap of how thar such a problem:

1. thar lazy n dont wonta wurk, claimin they gut a rite to 'retire'
   
   
2. thar verr lackly to git sick n need eggspensive medicine n medicull procedures lack that thang mr cheney has embedded in his chest to keep his hart a'beatin
   
   
3. on a counta points one n two, the tend to be too poor to buy lots of thangs n hep the economy grow
   
   
4. they vote in grate numbers bout thangs thats only gonna affeck thar children n grandchildren, witch them same grandchildren dont hardly even vote, so ye gut one generayshun havin undue influents on deecishuns that affeck a nuthern
   
   
5. thar hard to fool, witch ye need to have ye a good majorty of folks thats a'gone fall fer yer spin ifn yer a'gone lead em to vote agin thar own intest n hep increase the number of billionaires that our grate society kin create (aint that the mayshure of a grate society? how minny billionaires it kin create?)
   
   
6. thar lack as not to be cranky

ok so far i aint sed nuthin all that controvershul. everbidy knows how old people is nuthin but eggspensive trouble. but thay gut em a few weak points n thats whar we kin attack, fix the budget, make sum exter money (mayhap a nuff to create a few more billionaires!), n have us the worls mos amazin new entertainment sinsayshun. so without no futher ado, heres my plan fer solvin the problem of old people.

tiz simple, really. ye let the gummint git into the entertainment bizness even futher than it alreddy is n make em a new show, a gameshow fer tv. twood be one of them realty based thangs ceptn twood be even more real than them otherns.

heres the way twood wurk: furst thang, jes in case innybidy wuz wurried, woodnt nuthin be changed fer nobidy till they had dun lived our thar three score n ten years they wuz promissd by god. once they outlive thar riteful lifespan n turn 71 years old, they wood half to give up on gittin all them benefits thats runnin up such a big deficit -- no more of them librul progams that fdr n lbj put on us -- no more soshul securty nor medicar nor nuthin else -- in other wurds, no more free lunch. in sted, they wood half to earn thar livin same as everbidy else that aint alreddy rich. n whut better way than to put em all into our new games show?

real life survival: the new game show
whar ifn ye survive, ye survive!

once ye gut em on the show, ye could have em do a bunch of crazy thangs, jes lack they do on sum of them other shows. heres sum of the games ye could have em play:

1. fer them thats in need of medicayshun, ye wood give em jes a nuff money sos they kin eethur buy food or medicayshun -- wont it be fun to watch em try to figger out witch way they should go with thar pittance?
   
   
2. make em choose twixt eatin weird stuff lack cat food or payin thar heatin bill
   
   
3. give em a chants to wurk n see ifn they kin make a nuff to eat, witch ifn they kin say, 'wont fries with that?' they mite could make it
   
   
4. cut the wasteful benefits heppin em pay rent n see how thangs goes whenever they move in with thar children n grandchildren, witch that could lead to sum wonderful scenes whar thar trine to cunvints them same children n grandchildren to open the door n let em have the spare bedroom, ifn thay is one -- as ye kin see, thays almost no end to the fun ye could have
   
   
5. ifn they need em a big operayshun, let em have it ifn they give up everthang they n thar children has gut
   
   
6. most of em that loses probably woodnt survive, but ifn sum did, they wood git a offer fer the final challenge:
   • ifn thar willin to be euthanized, they wood git a prize wurthy of a king, a nuff to bury em with dignity n leave a lil inheritance to thar children n grandchildren -- oh n did i mentchun how them children woodnt half to pay no tax on that inheritance? taint that we wood wont to be stingy with our show
   • ifn thay aint willin to accept euthanizayshun, then they kin becum beggars

corse, thats not a'gone sit well with folks that bleeves ye shouldnt kill folks, but sooner or later, we gut to face facks. lease we woodnt half to raze no taxes! besides, a show lack that could generate huge audiences jes frum the folks that wonted to root fer thar favert old people, witch them viewers mite could even be related to sum of em. purty soon, that show could pay fer itself n ye woodnt half to have no fedrul programs lack soshul security or medicare.

twood be ever man person fer his or her self!

pinions of buddy don: 'there is no trust' (part one)

i been thankin n thankin bout all the fedrul budgetin problems we gut a'facin us rite now n i cum to real eyes what the problem is:

old people

dont git me rong: by sum estimutts, i am old my ownself, witch ifn that aint true, tiz true that i aspire to be as old as possibull. but ye caint ignore the facks:

1. old peoples the ones thats eggspecktin to git soshul securty
   
   
2. that means sumbidy is a'gone half to cum up with the money to honor the u.s. treasury notes, witch mr 'there is no trust' bush says:

   Some in our country think that Social Security is a trust fund -- in other words, there's a pile of money being accumulated. That's just simply not true. The money -- payroll taxes going into the Social Security are spent. They're spent on benefits and they're spent on government programs. There is no trust. We're on the ultimate pay-as-you-go system -- what goes in comes out. And so, starting in 2018, what's going in -- what's coming out is greater than what's going in. It says we've got a problem. And we'd better start dealing with it now. The longer we wait, the harder it is to fix the problem.

3. that means the exter money everbidy (including them old people) has been payin into the trust fund since 1983 has dun been spent, witch taint lack the trust fund ye set up fer yer kids or mr 'there is no trust' bush or the japanese or chinese holders of them same bonds on a counta ye gut to pay when yer child or mr 'there is no trust' bush or the japanese or the chinese git reddy to claim the money frum thar investment -- thar all a'gone be paid n ye caint doubt that n still uphold the constitushun.
   
   
4. no, accordin to mr 'there is no trust' bush, thonly ones thay aint money a nuff to pay back is the old people -- amurkin people -- that dun paid all that exter money durin the past 22 years. ye couldnt put it no bettern mr 'there is no trust' bush dun: there is no trust.
   
   
5. corse, specktin to be paid back whut they dun paid in aint all thats rong with old people -- thar also a'livin too long! now we gut to pay em thar soshul securty fer fifteen years in sted of fifteen munths! (whut a sprize that turnt out to be on a counta shorely everbidy figgerd by now theyd be dyin off fastern ever, rite? couldnt nobidy speck the life span to increase, now could they?)
   
   
6. wursern that is how old people needs more medicin n medicull treatments that young folks, witch that means sumbidy has gut to cum up with a way of payin fer medicare, witch mr 'there is not trust' bush dun gut passed by strong-armin his own party, keepin em up past thar bedtimes fer a vote that wuz held open 12 times as long as normal while keepin em in the dark bout the true costs, meanin that they figgerd twood only cost $400 billion fer the furst 10 years on a counta mr 'there is no trust' bush dun tole em so, witch twuz quite a sprize fer everbidy when it cum out that $400 billion wuz a lie n twuz really more lakc $526 billion fer the furst 10 years, only that turnt out to be a nuther whopper since the real cost is a'gone git closer to double whut the $400 mr 'there is no trust' bush had swore twood cost.
   
   
7. thays one last problem with old people that ye gut to cunsidder, witch thats how they dont wonta wurk no more but jes be retired to sum kinda lifelong holiday calld retirement -- they even ack lack they deserve it!
   
   
8. fack is, whenever it cums to old people, thay aint time to list everthang thats rong with em, so las thang i'll put on the list is how they vote bettern nobidy else, witch that means thar determinin whuts a'gone happen even tho thar a'gone be dead befor sum of the stuff they vote on happens.

but i hate to sit around listin a bunch of problems without offerin a solushun. so lets review. whut's the problem?

old people

whut kin we do bout it? we dun figgerd out we caint pay em whut we owe on a counta how there is no trust. so whut we a'gone do with em?

i reckon ye all kin ponder thatn fer a while. i gut a real good idee how we kin deal with the problem n make a few bucks at the same time, so please cum by tomorra to read bout 'there is no trust' (part two). ima gone splain it all to ye!

pinions of buddy don: whut ever happend to states rites n small gummint

my daddy died back in 1996, witch it hurt lack the devil, but i caint hep but thank he wooda been suffrin lookin at whut his publican party has dun to thar cherished idees. he bleeved the gummint should be small, that educayshun n life issues should be deecided by the states. i reckon he wuz turnin over in his grave whenever mr bush gut the fedrul gummint to override the florida gummint in the 2000 vote count fiasco.

now cums news that even them publicans is a'gone have trouble swallerin. turns out mr bushs medicare drug benefit, witch i splained how bad thatn wuz in a post last march name of how to git publicans to vote fer runaway borryin, turns out twill cost even more than the $521 billions they wuznt willin to add mitt they knew twood cost whenever thay wuz makin them congressmen vote on it.

in todays papers cums news that twill be a lil over double that! ye kin read bout it on the frunt page of the washington post in a story by ceci connelly n mike allen name of Medicare Drug Benefit May Cost $1.2 Trillion; Estimate Dwarfs Bush's Original Price Tag:

The White House released budget figures yesterday indicating that the new Medicare prescription drug benefit will cost more than $1.2 trillion in the coming decade, a much higher price tag than President Bush suggested when he narrowly won passage of the law in late 2003.

thars yer crisis, josephine!

but that aint the hole thang. seems lack them publicans, witch they wuz the ones that wonted a balanced budget amendment jes ten years ago, seems lack now they wonta grow the largest n most intrusive fedrul gummint ever! ye kin read bout that progress on that goal in a articull by jim vandehei name of Blueprint Calls for Bigger, More Powerful Government; Some Conservatives Express Concern at Agenda:

President Bush's second-term agenda would expand not only the size of the federal government but also its influence over the lives of millions of Americans by imposing new national restrictions on high schools, court cases and marriages.

In a clear break from Republican campaigns of the 1990s to downsize government and devolve power to the states, Bush is fostering what amounts to an era of new federalism in which the national government shapes, not shrinks, programs and institutions to comport with various conservative ideals, according to Republicans inside and outside the White House.

my poor daddy! i hope he aint readin the washington post. turns out them publicans dont stand fer much moren winnin, even ifn it means they trash thar own ideals.

but thay is sum good news. innnovayshuns in retirement, ye mite could say, whar old folks is gittin to wurk a hole lot longer, even ifn they caint git the same good jobs as befor. ye kin read all bout it in a articull name of Retirement Turns Into a Rest Stop as Benefits Dwindle:

Employers had better get used to seeing older people's résumés.

As numerous companies across the country withdraw retiree medical and dental benefits while others switch to less generous retirement plans, many aging workers who had expected to ease comfortably out of the labor force in their 50's and early 60's are discovering that they do not have the financial resources to support themselves in retirement. As a result, a lot more of them are returning to work.

Since the mid-1990's, older people have become the fastest-growing portion of the work force. The Labor Department projects that workers over 55 will make up 19.1 percent of the labor force by 2012, up from 14.3 percent in 2002.

Until recently, most economists said that older people were being lured back into the labor force largely because of opportunities growing out of the vibrant economy of the 1990's. But these days, they say, many such Americans are being drawn to work out of necessity rather than choice.

rest easy, daddy. we lack to wurk!

pinions of buddy don: gop – the party of big gummint

thisn kin be splaind short n sweet: the grand ole party is the party of big gummint, not them dimcrats. taint fer lack of trine, but ye caint grow yer gummint so big ifn ye half to put in all the costs, witch them dimcrats seems to thank ye half to evaluwait a budget when its gut everthang in it. them publicans aint held to that standurd.

corse, the budget mr bush put out yesterdy is big, no doubt bout that. even ifn mr cheney sez tiz a tight budget, tiz still big:

Bush's $2.57-trillion budget for 2006, if approved by Congress, would be more than a third bigger than the 2001 budget he inherited four years ago. It is a monument to how much Republicans' guiding fiscal philosophy has changed over the 10 years since the GOP's Contract With America called for a balanced budget and abolition of entire Cabinet agencies.
No longer are Republicans arguing with Democrats about whether government should be big or small. Instead, they are at odds over what kind of big government the U.S. should have.

taint only how they lack growin the gummint by such increases in spendin, but they lack to ignore thar own facks:

The first clue to the truth lies in a measure of the federal deficit this crowd adores obscuring but is forced by law to disclose. It's found only in a large table buried in the budget documents and estimates the government's operating red ink -- the amount by which spending exceeds revenue from income taxes and other fees. Last year it was far above the deficit figure that that typically makes its way into headlines -- $567 billion, compared with the "official" figure of $412 billion.

but that aint all thar hidin frum how bad they dun let thangs git. ye also gut to figger in the cost of the war in iraq, witch that dint make the budget even tho it runs about $5 billion a week. in fack, ye mite could thank thar leavin more out than thar puttin in. heres the list of thangs they dont count:

1. how much more the deficit is ifn ye cunsidder the fack that thar spendin all the soshul securty surplus, making it seem lack tiz only $427 billion in sted of whut tiz, witch as ye jes read is $567 billion.
2. it dont count the cost of the war in iraq, witch thats good fer at lease a nuther $80 billion fer one year
3. they dont count whut twood cost to make thar tax cuts permanent, witch that'll run em $100 billion this decade n a nuther $1.9 trillion next decade.
4. they ignore the cost of fixin the alternativ minimum tax, witch that kin run ye near $800 billion jes by 2015
5. they dont count the cost of changin soshul securty, witch they dun add mitted twont fix nuthin bout the ongoing problems with it n wood mean twood cost a lot more, at least the $758 billion cheney mentchuned in his interview with fox news n trillions after that!

by the way, them 'trillions after that' gits to addin up purty quick. lets do a lil math on it:

cost of changin soshul securty = $758 to 2015 + up to $2 trillions to 2025 + a nuther cuple trillions each decade till 2052

witch ifn ye add all that up, ye git into near $10 trillion jes in time to save soshul securty frum bein able to pay only 80% of its obligayshuns, witch that wood be whar we wuz ifn we dint put a nuther exter dime into it.

thays a nuther cost dint nobidy mentchun so far, witch thats the cost of the huge new gummint bureacrassy yer a'gone need to run the new gummint vershun of the program thats dun wurked fine fer 70 years.

once ye gut that in place, ye gut ye a much bigger gummint, the kind only publicans kin luv. makes me wish fer the good ole days of the contract with america, witch it started off with the 'fiscal responsibility act,' a plan fer a amendment to the constitushun to force a balanced budget. seems lack them days is gone fer good.

the punch line fer this joke on us all is how them publicans lacks to point at the failure of ronald raygun to keep his deficits under cuntrol as a reason fer why they dont half to wurry bout em no more. so one failure eggscuzes a nuthern.

pinions of buddy don: growin a bigger gummint

tiz a common sayin how dimcrats lacks to tax n spend. ye dun herd thatn so much that it mite cum as a lil sprize to larn how them publicans is the ones that spends the most since 1970. heres sum stats:

• In the twelve years that a Democrat has sat in the White House, spending has increased at an average rate of 1.29% per year; during the 22 years of Republican presidencies, government spending has risen at an average rate of 2.12%. In other words, spending has grown 64% faster when a Republican sits in the White House than when a Democrat does.
  
  
• During the 20 years Democrats have controlled both houses of Congress, spending has grown at an average rate of 1.84% per year, more than double the average rate of 0.89% per year during the six years the GOP ran Congress. (During the other eight years, when control of Congress was split between the two parties, spending grew at an average rate of 2.52%. The split-control years all occurred during Republican presidencies.)
  
  
• When Democrats controlled the White House plus both houses of Congress, spending grew at 1.70% per year, slightly below the average growth rate of 1.83% for the entire period.
  
  
• The slowest spending growth occurred when a Democrat sat in the White House and Republicans controlled both houses of Congress. Spending rose by an average of just 0.89% during the six years of this situation, which all occurred with Bill Clinton as president and Newt Gingrich as Speaker of the House.
  
  
• During the 14 years Republicans controlled the White House and Democrats controlled both houses of Congress, spending grew at an average annual rate of 1.92%. During the eight years with a Republican president and a split Congress, spending grew at 2.54% per year.

tiz a wurthy study with mr bush a'cummin out with a new budget, witch he claims tiz on track to cut the 2004 budget deficit in half by 2009. corse, ye half to understand whut the meanin of 'half' is: taint half of the ackshul budget deficit of 2004 on a counta how that wood be too hard. tiz half of whut the cbo perdicketed twood be. n taint half of it in dollars but in whut percent of the gdp is in deficit.

corse, yer real story, josephine, is how mr bush is a'gone do this miracull while

• spendin whutever it takes over in iraq, witch we dun spent as much thar as they is in the hole discreshunairy spendin budget that hes a cuttin;
  
  
• n borryin about $1 trillion fer the furst ten years of the soshul securty dismantlin n then a nuther $trillion or two ever decade till tiz saved by 2052, avoidin a shortfall of $11 trillion perdickted over eternity by borryin about $15 trillion to pump it into private accounts that folks is a'gone own but wont be able to do whutever they wont with em.

i aint shore how he kin do all this, even with his own brand of fuzzy math. mayhap hes gut a bill in to suspend the laws of arithmetick?

pinions of buddy don: grace of god in a small worl

thays a feller that wurks on the same floor i do in a big bildin of a major wall street firm. i been seein this feller in the halls n the mens room fer a cuple years now, but we hadnt never spoke to each other till the last few weeks. twernt nuthin personull, jes that we dint do the same kinda wurk n dint have no real reason to speak.

whenever that tsunami hit over in the indian ocean, thangs changed twixt us on a counta how he n his fambly -- wife n three kids -- gut cawt in it. he writ a lil email bout it n that made the rouns lack crazy. i wuz amazed to read it n even more whenever sumbidy showd me his pitcher. nex time i run into im in the mens room, i tole him bout how i had dun red his report on gittin cawt in it. i tole him i wuz thankful he hadnt lost nobidy, even ifn thay wuz moments when he wuz underwater n dint know whar his wife kids wuz.

he splaind lots of thangs bout whut had happend. turnt out he had dun been in therpy fer his lifelong water phobia. he had always been a'scairt of gittin drownded in a flood. he had jes gut outta years of that therpy whenever he n his fambly deecided to take a trip to india, witch hes frum sri lanka.

he sed fer sum reason, even tho twernt part of thar plan, they deecided to take a quick trip over to sri lanka, jes fer a cuple days. the plan wuz how they wood git on thar flite back home on christmus day.

but thay wuz a glitch of sum kind n thar flite wuz deelayed jes one day. n thats how he cum to be near drownded in the tsunami.

whenever ye here a story lack that, ye dont hardly know whut ye orta say bout it. i shore dint have nuthin to offer ceptn open ears. i wood say back to him whut he had tole me in differnt wurds, manely to make shore i wuz gittin his points. that gut im to talkin till i had larnt bout his phobia n bout the tiny chain of coincidents that led to him n his fambly gittin cawt in the flood waters n bout how awful he felt fer survivin when thay wuz dead bodies everwhar he looked. he even felt awful bout how everbidy in his fambly made it, even tho he dint wont nun of em to suffer atall, jes that he gut a gilty feelin fer bein so lucky when thay wuz so minny otherns that dint have such good luck.

i gut to thankin bout everthang he sed n cum to real eyes the fact that we is all hangin by the same threads of coincidents.

now evertime he sees me, he stops to talk n finely tuther day he ast me my name n i ast him his n we made friends.

but all i been able to thank bout is how ceptn fer the grace of god, i coulda been cawt up in such a flood. it also sprized me to larn whut a small worl we live in, whar sumthin that happens on tuther side of the worl could affeck sumbidy that wurks on my verr floor.

yesterdy i run into im agin. i dint know ifn we had much to say, but he wonted to talk n i gut big empty ears fer his tales n caint hardly git a nuff. he sed he had been a'wontin to say sumthin else to me, so i ast whut wuz it. he sed i shouldnt never fergit that wurk n money n posishun n whutever ye wonta cunsidder importunt dont hardly mean nuthin. thonly thang that matters is luv n them ye luvs. this wuz a mazin statement on a counta how hard this feller has wurked to git to the top. now he sez he caint hardly see the point in all his strivin.

as i walked away, i wuz thinkin bout how rite he is. it made lots of my lil hard times seem lack nuthin. it made lots of the thangs i wurry bout seem lack pure indulgents. i had been a'sayin to myself bout how ceptn fer the grace of god, i coulda been in his shoes. so could we all.

but whut i thought the most, after he had tole me nuthin matters but luv n them ye luvs is how that lil conversayshun wuz a bit of gods grace deecendin on me, proof agin that god continues to bless the undeservin.

pinions of buddy don: how to pay fer everthang, even the deficit

i thank i have finely sussed out whut the folks that wonts to privatize n then phase out soshul securty n replace it with private accounts is a'gettin at. tiz so simple that innbybidy mite coulda missed it:

1. the treasury notes (sumtimes known as wurthless paper iou's) whar they invested the soshul securty surplus fer the las 22 years returns only bout 2% a year
2. but them privatizers lacks to point out how stocks fer the las 75 years has returned closer to 10%

so i cum up with a skeme based on this that ye could use to start payin fer other thangs. fer eggzample, ye gut to pay the intrest on the $7.6 nashunull debt, witch ye mite not thank tiz all that much compard to no $11 trillion, but ye start addin up $300 billion a year (since 1995) n purty soon yer talkin bout sum real money! fack is, tiz bout 11% of the budget now!

so heres my questchuns:

• why dont the gummint sell a nuff treasury notes that pay 2% n use the money to invest in the stock market fer a 10% gain sos ye could pay the monthly intrest on the nashunul debt?
• why not sell even more of them bonds that cost ye jes 2%, put the money in stocks fer 10% n jes go ahead n pay off the hole nashunul debt?
• but why stop thar? couldnt ye jes keep on till ye wuz razin a nuff money to pay fer everthang the gummint has to pay fer? that way, we woodnt need no taxes atall!
• ifn i could sell bonds my ownself, woodnt it make sense fer me to do that, put all the money into stocks, live off all the free lunch incum n quit a'wurkin?
• in other wurds, ifn this here skeme is so good, why aint everbidy a'usin it sos they woodnt half to wurk nor do nuthin else but colleck thar profits?

corse, we plain folks caint sell bonds n probly caint git no loan fer 2%. but the gummint can! ifn tiz such a good idee to use on our soshul securty, why aint the folks in charge usin it to pay fer everthang?

or could it be that i wuz rite to be stubborn bout not bleevin in this here free profit skeme? i hope not on a counta how ifn we kin git this a'goin, aint no reason we couldnt use sum of the profits leftover after payin fer everthang else to make us a perpetual motion machine!

pinions of buddy don: fortellin the futchur

tiz amazin how folks lacks to tell ye whuts a'gone happen in the futchur, witch thar all stirrd up to tell ye the futchur of soshul securty, even 30 or 40 years down the line. seems lack we need to see how good these folks is at perdictin it in the furst place befor we deecide tiz a crisis that sumthin mite happen in 2018 or 2042 or 2052.

so how bout mr bush who keeps tellin the lie that soshul secury will be bankrupt or busted or flat busted or flat broke in 2042. thems all lies on a counta how even the mos pessimistick perdicters add mitt how ye wood still be payin over 70% of benefits n how that 70% wood be more in real dollars than whut folks is gettin now. that aint bankrupt.

but i wonted to talk bout perdictin, so heres mr bushs perdickshun bout soshul securty in 1978:

According to Gary Ott, who was then a reporter for the Plainview Daily Herald, Bush stopped by the paper’s little office “maybe five or six times. He’d sit down at my desk; he was a fun guy. He was very outgoing, very friendly, and we would argue politics since I was a liberal. We’d argue over Carter policies.” Bush criticized energy policy, federal land use policy, subsidized housing, and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (“a misuse of power,” he said), and he warned that Social Security would go bust in ten years unless people were given a chance to invest the money themselves. None of this really distinguished him from Hance, though, so in the end Bush simply argued that a Republican could better represent the district: “If you want a chance in the way Congress has been run, send someone who will be independent from those who will run the Congress.”

so tiz obvious that he caint perdick thangs as well as he wonts ye to thank. not only that, he tole this lie in the 2000 debate bout whut he wuz a'gone do with the surplus mr clinton left him:

Well, we do come from different places. I come from being a West Texas. The governor is the chief executive officer. We know how to set agendas as a governor. I think you'll find the difference reflected in our budgets. I want to take one-half of the surplus and dedicate it to Social Security. One-quarter of the surplus for important projects, and I want to send one-quarter of the surplus back to the people who pay the bills.

turnt out thay wuznt a nuff in that surplus fer innythang but them tax cuts, witch the top 1% gut 71.6% of the income tax cuts n once that wuz dun thay wuznt nuthin lef to 'take one-half of the surplus and dedicate it to Social Security.'

in sted, mr bush wuz spendin it jes as quick as it cum in, witch thats why the right wing lacks to say thay aint nuthin but iou's in the trust fund. corse them iou's is sumthin thay call u.s. treasury notes, witch so far we aint deefaulted on em yet. ifn we did, the hole worl wood be in big truble.

now do they wont us to thank that thar a'gone pay the chinese n japanese, but we wont pay our own folks the money we borried frum them? cawz ifn thats true, then whut we have is a transfer of wealth frum the middle class to the top percent of folks. thats on a counta how since 1983 we been overpayin whut we need to pay fer soshul securty.

ifn yer wunderin bout who owns our debt, ye kin read about it here:

As a consequence, foreign ownership of the U.S. national debt has risen to $1.8 trillion, or half the privately held debt. A decade ago, foreigners owned just more than 20 percent of the debt.

The Japanese are the largest foreign holders of U.S. Treasury securities, with $720 billion in September, up from $317 billion just four years earlier. The Chinese have become the second-largest holders, with $174 billion worth, a sharp increase from $62 billion in September 2000.

ye mite member the jokes the right wing lacked to make bout gore's lockbox, but the jokes on us since the money has dun been spent in three tax cuts, a war we wont sacrifice nuthin fer (besides our troops n the liberty n freedum of them troops to cum home whenever they wuz furst promissd), uneggspeckted events lack 9/11 n the usual bizness cycles that goes frum boom to bust or at least recesshun. but everbidy knows them thangs happens, witch is why mr gore wonted to take keer of soshul securty with the furst money frum the surplus, not the last.

so now we gut a situwayshun whar mr bush wonts us to thank we gut a big problem in 2018, witch thats when they been a'sayin soshul securty will be spendin moren it takes in. turns out that perdickshun dint hold up all that long on a counta this here story that cum out today:

The Social Security system will take in more money annually than it pays out in benefits until 2020, two years later than earlier estimated, the Congressional Budget Office reported.

ifn they caint even git a perdickshun fer the ten years frum 2001 to 2010, witch they couldnt since the surplus dint last a year after mr bush gut to spendin it, n ifn they caint hold to thar own perdickshun of the system 'headin fer a iceberg' in 2018 (on a counta havin to pay back the money we all overpaid durin the past 22 years), then how kin we eggspeck em to perdick whuts a'gone happen by 2042 or 2052?

corse, that ignores the fack that mr bush has dun failed to prove a lotta the thangs he tole us wuz absolutely true, witch thay aint no weppons of mass deestruckshun in iraq (lack mr ritter tole us n lack the inspecktors wuz a'trine to tell us, so we caint say we dint have no evidents of the truth bout that lie) n lack the iraqis bein in close cooperayshun with al qaeda, witch thatn dint hold up neethur.

so should we be worried bout the futchur of soshul securty? thays a cuple ways to look at that. ifn thangs is a'gone be so bad as them that perdicks the program is no longer viabull in 2042 is true, then the economy has to grow at no faster rate than 1.9%. ifn thats true, then aint nobidy a'gone make no 6.5-7% in no stock market, witch ye wood need to make that return to cum close to makin up whut ye lost by privatizin n phasin out soshul securty. ifn thar rong, then the system kin keep on a'goin fer a long time to cum, longer than inny perdickshun out thar. ye kin read all bout how this wurks in mr krugmans column today:

Which brings us to the privatizers' Catch-22.

They can rescue their happy vision for stock returns by claiming that the Social Security actuaries are vastly underestimating future economic growth. But in that case, we don't need to worry about Social Security's future: if the economy grows fast enough to generate a rate of return that makes privatization work, it will also yield a bonanza of payroll tax revenue that will keep the current system sound for generations to come.

Alternatively, privatizers can unhappily admit that future stock returns will be much lower than they have been claiming. But without those high returns, the arithmetic of their schemes collapses.

It really is that stark: any growth projection that would permit the stock returns the privatizers need to make their schemes work would put Social Security solidly in the black.

And I suspect that at least some privatizers know that. Mr. Baker has devised a test he calls "no economist left behind": he challenges economists to make a projection of economic growth, dividends and capital gains that will yield a 6.5 percent rate of return over 75 years. Not one economist who supports privatization has been willing to take the test.

tiz a nuther moment whar i go back to the bible (matthew 6:25-34) to figger whut to do:

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

corse, we dun cum a long way since jesus wuz a'givin that sermon on the mount. we know better now, dont we?