yesterdy i splaind how i dun figgerd out the mane problem we gut with our budgetin process:
old peoplein the intrest of fairness n full discloshur, i dun been accused of bein one of them verr old people, witch tiz a lie on a counta how i aint no moren 53 year old, but tiz true that i aspire to becum one of them old people.
be that as tiz, whuther im old or jes hopin to git old, the plane fack is how old people is a big problem. jes a lil recap of how thar such a problem:
- thar lazy n dont wonta wurk, claimin they gut a rite to 'retire'
- thar verr lackly to git sick n need eggspensive medicine n medicull procedures lack that thang mr cheney has embedded in his chest to keep his hart a'beatin
- on a counta points one n two, the tend to be too poor to buy lots of thangs n hep the economy grow
- they vote in grate numbers bout thangs thats only gonna affeck thar children n grandchildren, witch them same grandchildren dont hardly even vote, so ye gut one generayshun havin undue influents on deecishuns that affeck a nuthern
- thar hard to fool, witch ye need to have ye a good majorty of folks thats a'gone fall fer yer spin ifn yer a'gone lead em to vote agin thar own intest n hep increase the number of billionaires that our grate society kin create (aint that the mayshure of a grate society? how minny billionaires it kin create?)
- thar lack as not to be cranky
tiz simple, really. ye let the gummint git into the entertainment bizness even futher than it alreddy is n make em a new show, a gameshow fer tv. twood be one of them realty based thangs ceptn twood be even more real than them otherns.
heres the way twood wurk: furst thang, jes in case innybidy wuz wurried, woodnt nuthin be changed fer nobidy till they had dun lived our thar three score n ten years they wuz promissd by god. once they outlive thar riteful lifespan n turn 71 years old, they wood half to give up on gittin all them benefits thats runnin up such a big deficit -- no more of them librul progams that fdr n lbj put on us -- no more soshul securty nor medicar nor nuthin else -- in other wurds, no more free lunch. in sted, they wood half to earn thar livin same as everbidy else that aint alreddy rich. n whut better way than to put em all into our new games show?
real life survival: the new game showonce ye gut em on the show, ye could have em do a bunch of crazy thangs, jes lack they do on sum of them other shows. heres sum of the games ye could have em play:
whar ifn ye survive, ye survive!
- fer them thats in need of medicayshun, ye wood give em jes a nuff money sos they kin eethur buy food or medicayshun -- wont it be fun to watch em try to figger out witch way they should go with thar pittance?
- make em choose twixt eatin weird stuff lack cat food or payin thar heatin bill
- give em a chants to wurk n see ifn they kin make a nuff to eat, witch ifn they kin say, 'wont fries with that?' they mite could make it
- cut the wasteful benefits heppin em pay rent n see how thangs goes whenever they move in with thar children n grandchildren, witch that could lead to sum wonderful scenes whar thar trine to cunvints them same children n grandchildren to open the door n let em have the spare bedroom, ifn thay is one -- as ye kin see, thays almost no end to the fun ye could have
- ifn they need em a big operayshun, let em have it ifn they give up everthang they n thar children has gut
- most of em that loses probably woodnt survive, but ifn sum did, they wood git a offer fer the final challenge:
- ifn thar willin to be euthanized, they wood git a prize wurthy of a king, a nuff to bury em with dignity n leave a lil inheritance to thar children n grandchildren -- oh n did i mentchun how them children woodnt half to pay no tax on that inheritance? taint that we wood wont to be stingy with our show
- ifn thay aint willin to accept euthanizayshun, then they kin becum beggars
twood be ever
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