pinions of buddy don: whut makes amurka grate?

whenever i wuz growin up the big enemy we all feared wuz the ussr. they wuz all communists, witch that meant totalitarian n such. dint hardly nobidy talk bout the economick ideals of communism on a counta them that practissd it wuz all brutal n kep thar people frum bein free.

but here in amurka, we wuz differnt. i member well why we wuz differnt. heres a list of whut set us apart frum the evil empire name of the ussr:

• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, if arrested, a persun wuz assumed to be innocent until proven guilty
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, if arrested, a persun wuz guaranteed the right to a speedy trial
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, if arrested, a persun wuz guaranteed to see the evidents agin im
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, if arrested, a persun had the right to face them who wuz accusin him/her of wrongdoin
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, if we wonted to protest sumthin, we had the right of free assembly n hadnt nobidy never herd of nuthin lack a so-called free speech zone
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, we had the absolute right of free speech
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, our press dint carry gummint prograganda
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, we wuz allowed to bleeve whut we wonted on a counta thay wuz freedom frum inny kind of relijus coershun frum our gummint
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, we dint spy on our own people
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, we dint lock people up in secret prisons
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, we dint encourage naybors to spy on each other
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, our gummint wuz a gummint of laws, not men
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, we had three, co-equal branches of gummint
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, if one branch dun sumthin that wuznt in accordunts with our bleefs n ideals, tuther two branches wood check n balance em
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, we wuz allowd to vote even ifn our name wuz simlar to sumbidy that had been cunvicted of a crime
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, we could check books out of the liberry without nobidy makin a list of whut we wuz readin
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, our private correspondents wuz private
• in amurka, unlike in the ussr, couldnt nobidy unlawfully search us or our property

thay wuz more, but i git tired countin all the thangs we have dun lost.

i wuz at the zoo tuther day n tuck a pitcher of our nashunull symbol, the bald eagle, witch thisn wuz locked up:




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