Tuesday, August 31, 2004

pinions of buddy don: securin the city

yesterdy wuz near dead at wurk on a counta how near all them bankers gut outta town fer the rnc. ye caint hardly blame em fer that. aint never seen the city thisaway: ye caint hardly walk fer all the po-leece n otherns dressd in army fatigues n carryin huge weppons. used to be ye could walk rite up to the buildin whar i wurk, but now they dun surrounded it with exter barriers of concrete, witch they gut sum heavy hunks of concrete n filled it with dirt n plants sos it mite look ok, but fack is, tiz a barrier n ye know tiz thar to keep sumbidy frum drivin a truck bomb into the buildin. sum streets dun been closed: ye couldnt hardly go east on 42nd street yesterdy mornin, witch ye dont hardly never see that.

bes news is how them protesters so far aint dun nun of the thangs we wuz warned they wuz a'gone do, lack gittin violent or closin down roads n bridges n tunnels. so far bout all they dun is march peaceful lack. tuck em four n a half hours to march past the garden day befor yesterdy. they wuz literly miles of folks marchin by, witch in sum papers they turnt into tens of thousands n in otherns twuz near half a million. twuz the mos folks ever cum out to protest at a cunventchun, so dont matter whut number ye put on it.

logick of them publicans wuz reveald by one of em cummin into the garden tuther day. local newsguy wuz thar to ast whuther she wuz a'scairt of bein in new york. no, she wuznt the lease bit scairt, but she wuz mad. why? on a counta how whenever they had that dimcrat cunventchun up in boston, them publicans dint protest atall. but she wuz mad at them dimcrats fer throwin such big protests agin bush. she wunderd how innybidy could vote fer a party that wood protest the cunventchun of tuther party.

ye mite could see her point. whar do them dimcrats git thar idees of freedum of speech or protest or assembly? reminds me of a lil survey they dun back in the sixties. they ast folks whut they thought bout sevrul of the amendments to the constitushun. thang wuz, over half the folks dint even recognize them amendments as amurkin. a good percent of em figgerd this stuff wuz frum the communist manifesto.

Monday, August 30, 2004

pinions of buddy don: welcum gop! here's whar ye kin git ye sum sangle malt scotch while yer in man hattan

thay wuz a lil welcum parade fer the gop yesterdy, witch ye kin read bout it here. po-leece estimate thay wuz up to half a million folks marchin to welcum yall to town.

now that the march is over, ye mite could wunder what thay is to do in town. i reckun folks has dun figgerd out witch broadway shows yer allowd to see n witch parties ye git to go to n fer that matter, most everthang ye need to know, but twoodnt sprize me ifn they dun fergot to tell ye whars the best places in town to git yer sangle malt scotch. tiz a oppertunty that ye orta not waste on a counta ye kin git bof the bes prices n bes see-leckshun rite thar in man hattan.

furst, let's mentchun the bes place to find yerself that mythical good sangle malt scotch fer about $20 (rtb standurd).

crossroads wines n spirits
bes place fer that is a likker store name of crossroads, witch heres a map fer how ye git thar n heres a pitcher of it:

tiz located down on 14th street near 6th avenue, witch fer folks frum outta town thay lacks to call thatn avenue of the amurkas, witch heres a pitcher of the sign that lets ye know yer nearby:

heres proof ye kin git a bottle of bowmore legend fer under $20:

corse, the real ackshun is inside, whar ye gut a good see-leckshun:

warehouse wines n spirits
i dun writ bout the nextn, witch thats warehouse wines n spirits. tiz located on braodway twixt 6th n 7th streets or one block west of astor place.

park avenue liquor shop
finely, fer them with money to spend that wonts to git the best see-leckshun of all, thays a famus place name of park avenue liquor, witch as ye kin see frum this here pitchers, tiz located on 41st n madison avenue:

ye kin even read about thisn in michael jackson's grate book, name of Complete Guide to Single Malt Scotch. we tride to go by n git sum pitchers on saturdy, but wuz we ever sprized to find out twuz closed. i'm a'hopin they aint a'gone close fer the hole cunventchun, witch i doubt ifn they will. innywho, here's whut it looks lack when ye git closer:

corse, ifn ye git too close, yer a'gone face sum mitey temptayshun, witch ifn yer lucky, ye gonna give in toot:

corse, ye kin git crazy with yer co-lecktin. magine ifn ye wonted to co-leck all them macallans?

lease ye wood know whar to begin.

have a good time while yer in town. buy sum scotch to take home with ye, to remind ye jes how friendly this here town is.

keens chophouse
corse, ye could jes walk down the block frum the garden on 36th street till ye git to keens, whar ye kin see-leck frum a giant menu of sangle malt scotch, witch i dun writ bout keens here n here n here.

thar tiz, gop. hope ye enjoy yer trip. yall cum back real soon!

Friday, August 27, 2004

odd wurk of buddy don: wanderin out to the ole ball game

yesterdy afternoon we gut to go see the mets lose to the san diego padres by a score of 10-3, tho twernt that close. twuz the last celebrayshun of this year's po-leece athletic league baseball season n twuz lots of fun. i aint been as much of a baseball fan lately as i used to be. i dont lack the way the game has been ruint (imo) by such thangs as the designated hitter, innerleague play n the wild card. it used to be a game but now taint nuthin but a bizness.

so tiz nice to git out to the ballpark n git that ole good time feelin. aint nuthin lack the grate pastchur of a ball field to remind ye of lots of the good thangs bout bein alive.

tiz also nice to see yer grown colleagues frum wurk turn into screamin fans. here's a cuple pitchers.

furst, a cuple of our players makin plans fer thar futchur:

nex pitcher is of a ackshun we gut to see too much: them padres gittin em a nuther hit:

Thursday, August 26, 2004

job of buddy don: whut a grate place to wurk

don't feel lack doin much bloggin today on a counta how tiz such a beeyootiful day out n the plans is relaxin. so happens i gut to go to the dentist this mornin, witch that turnt out to be lucky on a counta tiz the day them amungst us that voluneeterd to be hepers with po-leece athletic league kids have a baseball season this year is a'gone out to shea stadium to watch a baseball game. they give us free tickets n $10 wurth of mets script.

whut a grate job!

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

good times of buddy don: back to keens

i caint gut much time fer bloggin this mornin on a counta bein out late last nite. twuz time fer a lil payback, so to speak, so i tuck my irish friend, my boss n the omega man out fer scotch n dinner, ceptn fer the boss, witch he's a wine uh-fish-ye-nado luver. safe to say everbidy had em a real good time, speshly me. tiz a grate thang whenever yer payin sumbidy back but yer the one havin the best time of all.

bes thang we discuverd bout the evenin? eight wurds: caol ila 12 year unchillfiltered single malt scotch. ye mite wonta git ye sum ifn ye kin find it. me n my irish frien dun gut us sum bottles on thar way to park avenue liquor store, witch tiz thonly one mentioned in michael jackson's book, Complete Guide to Single Malt Scotch. (taint the michael jackson ye mite be thankin bout.)

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

pinions of buddy don: one-bit thankin

i thank i dun sussed out how mr bushs brain wurks. everbidy has give the man hi praze on a counta how he dont do nuance. he purt much takes a stand on sumthin n then sticks with it no matter whut the evidents, lessn it cums frum pinion polls. then he takes the opposit stance n claims twuz his all along. he wuz agin the health care system proposed in texas, but when it passed without his signatchur, he bragged bout it lack twuz his own. we all know bout his other flip-flops: agin a homeland securty offus, then for it; agin the 9/11 commisshun, then for it; agin lettin condi testify, then for it; thays too minny to count, but ye git the idees.

twuz the same with the mccain-feingold bill, witch he opposed befor he wuz forced to sign it. now hes a'braggin bout it lack twuz his own idee. when they ast him wood he condemn the add by them swift boat liars, he couldnt doot. twooda been too nuanced a posisshun fer him to take. twooda meant havin to thank bout whuther ads that lie should be condemnd rite along with ads that dont lie.

las nite i had me a dream whar i wuz allowed to look inside the brain of mr bush. mayhap on a counta how i wurk with cumputers, the inside of his brain wuz lack a computer ceptn fer one thang: thay wuz only one-bit. thats rite, jes one-bit.

whenever i woke up frum that dream, twuz natcherul to thank twuz only a dream. shorely our presdent kin unnerstand moren jes eethur-or thankin, rite? shorely he dont thank ever nayshun is eethur for us or agin us? shorely he kin see thays at lease sum other possbilties? shorely he kin tell the bein for us the way britain is duz a hole lot more fer us than bein for us the way them saudis is. but ifn ye jes gut one-bit to thank with, thays only two possibull choices: fer/agin.

so whenever it cum to them swift boat liars n the ads they showed in three states but wuz able to trick the librul media into showin on the networks sos everbidy in the cuntry kin see it -- shorely he could tell the differnts twixt them that lies n them that dont? but no, he couldnt. eethur thays all ok or thay aint. they wuz useful in 2000 whenever they wuz leadin the charge on gittin thangs to go his way in florida, witch thatn went by the name of the Bush-Cheney 2000, Inc-Recount Fund, witch ye kin read bout it sum by follerin that lank to kevin drum's site. twuznt no problem havin em then. but the bit has dun flipped: now thar all bad.

magine ifn mr bush could git im jes one more bit: then he wood be able to see four possibilties in sted of jes the two. magin ifn he had a nuff bits sos he could evaluate evidents n change his own mind before karl rove switches the bit sos he kin start supportin the thangs he wuz jes agin? why ye mite git to whar ye had ye a president that could see bof good n evil in places lack pakistan n saudi arabia n france.

corse, ye caint hardly blame mr bush fer his one-bit thankin. that thar elecktoral collidge forces almos ever sangle state into a one-bit deecishun bout which presidentchul candidate gits all thar elecktoral votes.

n corse, thars the media with thar bof sides now habits, witch theys willin to reduce thar news makin computer to jes one-bit whar everthang aint no more cumplex than eethur-or.

Monday, August 23, 2004

pinions of buddy don: bof sides now

one of the wurst habits our press has gut into is how they wonta show bof sides of inny issue. twood be a good idee ifn they chose equals n put em agin each other, but taint equals. wurst eggzample is them swift boat veterans who lie bout kerry's record n claim they stand fer truth. they cum out with a lil ad showin in three states, but the so-called librul media puts it on nayshunwide sos ye kin see it everwhar ye go. aint them apples sweet?

so ye gut a organizayshun that (1) had a member of the bush re-selectkshun campain till he wuz smoked out a'claimin (2) that the nashunull recurd fer the past 35 years is rong n (3) tiz up to the person bein accused of lyin by folks with no real evidents to proov he aint lyin even tho (4) the claims of this swift boat vetruns group undermine ever medal ever won in viet nam but (5) they attack kerry fer betrayin viet nam era vets. taint no questcuh of whuther he wuz thar. tiz a questchun of some folks that cums along 35 years later with lies, but the press acks lack thar lies is wurth repeatin over n over agin on a counta whut? that thays folks dumb a nuff to bleeve such drivel? i reckun that mus be it.

innywho, tiz all the fashun to argue bout this. to doot, the press lack to ack lack them swift boat vetruns is jes lack moveon.org, witch ye wunder how that kin be since moveon.org is near four years old n gut its fundin frum loads of small donayshuns frum minny thousands of common folks while the swift boat vetruns only cum about on a counta sum rich bush supporters give em financin sos they kin attack kerry, even ifn they have to lie n go agin thar own record to doot.

ifn we wuz really gittin bof sides now, we wood be seein a comparison of kerrys war recurd n bushs war recurd. one of em disappeard fer four munths n caint find nobidy nowhar to proov he wuz still reportin fer duty. tuthern wuz in viet name fer four munths a'winnin medals n has his crew standin beside im n sevrul otherns as well. so witch duz the press thank is the issue?

taint no wunder why voters gits cynickull bout votin. even the truth aint sacred no more. ifn twuz, all them rite wing christchun types woodnt let sumbidy lie, even ifn twuz in thar behalf. they woodnt wont the support of liars. but they dont say nuthin n that lets ye know everthang ye need to know bout em.

aint nobidy that remembers jesus a'sayin by thar fruits ye shall know them? aint nobidy remembers how good dont cum frum evil ackshuns? aint nobidy remembers how tiz the devil thats the author of the lie? how kin ye do good usin the devils tools?

tiz clear from 3 john 1:11 -- "Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God."

Saturday, August 21, 2004

pitchers of buddy don: story of a grate day in pitchers

twuz a beeyootiful mornin in man hattan:

i tuck the ferry over frum jersey, witch this is whut it looks lack when folks is gittin offn the ferry over in man hattan:

thays always plenty of folks everwhar:

ye kin see how everbidys a'totin n a'cartin n gittin reddy fer the day:

corse, ye gut yer securty everwhar ye turn:

after the long day at wurk, tiz nice to see this on yer horizon:

inside thay gut em lots of trayshurs, lack the lil bar . .

. . . n the large bar:

this heres my irish frien peruzin the sangle malt scotch menu:

this heres a lil closer view of that same menu, witch ifn ye click on it, ye kin see it bigger:

Friday, August 20, 2004

evenin plans of buddy don: dinner n scotch at keens

me n miz bd has been a'waitin fer tonite as ifn twere chrismus or sumthin. reason why? our irish frien dun invited us out to a dinner at keens chophouse, witch we aint a'goin thar fer the food! tiz the cumpny n the amazin sangle malt scotch menu. tiz such a dee-light! ye caint hardly ruin a weekend that starts with a grate seleckshun of sangle malts, witch we probly a'gone share tastes of each one we order, so twixt the three of us -- miz irish friend aint such a big fan of scotch on a counta how she luvs good wine better -- we orta git a chants to sample sumwhar twixt 9 n 12 differnt scotches.

ifn only we dint half to wurk furst! but wurk we have n plenty of it. we been as busy as a hill of army ants a'lookin fer sumthin to eat lately. fer instunts, we jes about to finish buildin over 200 of them blue blackberry devices that everbidy in bankin has gut to have, witch this bunch is all fer our analysts, witch they dint used to be able to order em but thangs changed whenever folks gut to lookin a lil closer at week after nex n the rnc n gut to figgern how they dont wonta be in town ifn they kin hep it. thangs has been intents of late!

meanwhile i finely gut a book name of red cavalry by isaac babel that i orderd a long time ago, witch eric over at straight white guy recommended it. i caint hardly wait to read it. eric's a purty good riter his ownself, witch i recommend ye read his own ritin bout a lil battle he witnessed.

speakin of books, i jes finished a cuple i wood recommend to ye. thays bof by frank mccourt, witch thays memoirs of his life. furstns a book name of angelas ashes, witch tiz bout his time in ireland, witch he wuz born in amurka but his folks moved back to limerick whar he wuz razed in such poverty tiz hard to magine. the second is called tiz n it tells bout how he cum to amurka n gut bad jobs but wurked his way up till he gut a degree n started teachin in publick hi skools.

corse i found the topick verr innerestin on a counta how i been riting a long novel name of life n pinions of buddy don, hillbilly, witch tiz based on sum of the thangs i seen n dun in life only taint all spozed to be pure facks but a novel that ye kin make of thangs ye seen. whenever yer ritin fickshun, ye half to member that the way thangs really happens dont make fer good stories, so thays thangs ye kin change to make em a lil better. i been aimin at truth ruther than non-fickshun. thays a differnts.

innywho, one of minny thangs that dun impressd me bout these two books is how he tells on his ownself, witch by that i mean he tells thangs that mos folks mite druther hide, such as how even tho it hurt him a lot how his daddy lef his mama n his bruthers with nuthin n went off to england durin worl war two but dint send no money back on a counta how he drunk it all -- witch tiz hard a nuff -- but then he splains how he follerd in his daddys footsteps n dun sumthin simlar, tho he never fergut to take keer of his lil gurl. but he add mitts to minny a time whar he shoulda gone home to his wife n child but stayed out all nite liftin the glass till he couldnt stand up to vomit. i add mire his honesty n wont to match it, even tho thangs i gut lef to rite wont make me look good no how no way. but thays truth in em.

sides that, i aint gut no room to talk bout how frank mccourt lacked to go out a'drankin on a counta how me n miz bd caint hardly wait fer the day to be over sos we kin gather at keens n try to pick witch sangle malts we wood lack to drank. corse, we dint git a'started drankin till we wuz in our fifties n so far, we aint drunk a nuff at inny one time to git drunk. lease not yet n i hope we kin keep it thataway.

as ye kin see frum the pitcher of our colleckshun of whisky, we aint gut much room to talk bout wastin spendin money on investin in fine scotches n whiskey!

Thursday, August 19, 2004

pinions of buddy don: rootin fer the uniform

i reckon mos folks have dun seen the frunt page articull in the washington post name of Records Counter A Critic Of Kerry; Fellow Skipper's Citation Refers To Enemy Fire whar the record splains how them swift boat veterans [who will lie] fer truth wuz makin thangs up whenever they claimed kerry's boat wuznt under attack on a counta how they wuz thar n dint member inny enemy fire.
In newspaper interviews and a best-selling book, Larry Thurlow, who commanded a Navy Swift boat alongside Kerry in Vietnam, has strongly disputed Kerry's claim that the Massachusetts Democrat's boat came under fire during a mission in Viet Cong-controlled territory on March 13, 1969. Kerry won a Bronze Star for his actions that day.

But Thurlow's military records, portions of which were released yesterday to The Washington Post under the Freedom of Information Act, contain several references to "enemy small arms and automatic weapons fire" directed at "all units" of the five-boat flotilla. Thurlow won his own Bronze Star that day, and the citation praises him for providing assistance to a damaged Swift boat "despite enemy bullets flying about him."
ifn thatn dont splain thangs a nuff fer ye, thays this story in the la times name of Veterans Battle over Truth that splains how them swift vote veterans [who will lie] fer truth couldnt cum up with no proof. on the contrairy:
What military documentation exists and has been made public generally supports the view put forth by Kerry and most of his crewmates — that he acted courageously and came by his Silver Star, Bronze Star and three Purple Hearts honestly. This view of Kerry as war hero is supported by all but one of the surviving veterans who served with him on the two boats he commanded.

None of the critics quoted in the ad actually served on the boats with Kerry. Some of them also have given contradictory accounts and offered conflicting recollections.
whut bothers me bout all this is how it seems to me that at least one side in our divded cuntry dont keer bout whuther whut ye say is true, only ifn it heps thar side win. seems lack it dont even matter whuther thar side is doon inny good, they are a'gone support him, witch twuz innerestin to hear that coleman feller who gut in whenever paul wellstones plane went down splain bout why he had to support alan keyes even ifn he dint agree with much of innythang alan keyes bleeves on a counta how they need thar majority to rule n make thangs better. funny how they gut thar majority but thangs is gittin wurse.

i wudnt never strong one side or tuther till i saw how them publicans wood stop at nuthin to git clinton, even ifn it meant closin the gummint (wudnt that sos we could have a balanced budget? now deficits dont matter?) or accusin the presdint of 'waggin the dog' whenever he wonted to attack osama bin laden. that gut me so disgusted to whar i caint brang myself to vote fer most inny publican.

sad fack is how folks will vote agin thar own intrests jes to support thar side, witch i call rootin fer the uniform. reason i call it this is how in the old days, when ye rooted fer a baseball team, ye could name the players n ye mite even could root fer the team on a counta how ye luved the players. now that ye gut free agency, seems lack thays a differnt baseball team wearin yer uniform ever year. tiz natcherul how ye wood root fer em, but thats only sports.

seems lack in makin votin choices, ye mite wonta cunsidder whuther the players on yer team or the pallsies they support make yer life n the cuntry's well-bein inny better.

i gut a real dose of how this wurks over the weekend. ever since i moved up to new york city back in 1985, i been givin mama a call ever sundy. tiz a way of keepin up with the hole fambly. this past weekend, we wuz discussin thangs. she wuz mad bout the intelligents fail-yers, speshly since daddy wuz a speshul agent with the fbi n wurked in securty all his life. innywho, she wonted to make the point that bad as them publicans are, bad as thar health care pallsies have hurt her, bad as thar tax pallsies have hurt her, aint no way she could vote agin em. so whenever a topick cums up, she tries to splain how the dimcrats is wurser than the publicans.

so the topick wuz intelligents n she gits to splainin thangs a'usin a aneckdote frum when daddy wuz in 'the bureau.' she sed she orta know since he wuz part of the intelligents worl n i give her credit fer havin a informed point of view. then she starts splainin how hoover wuz differnt n wurser whenever them dimcrats wuz in n how they give daddy a hardship transfer back to tennessee, but twuz fer jes a year. she wuz mad as could be bout it n a'gittin wound up a'tellin her story to proov how bad them dimcrats is at runnin u.s. intelligents.

i sed, 'but mama, twuz eisenhower wuz presdint in them days.' she wuz too wound up in her story to notice whut i had sed n anserd, 'eisenhower, whoever, the point is . . . ' n then she splaind how they dint git the hardship transfer increased past jes the one year n daddy dint have no choice but to leave the bureau in 1957. sumhow, this is spozed to show that ye caint trust the dimcrats with the white house. so my own mama is a'gone root fer them publicans on a counta she is rootin fer the uniform.

this kinda thang goes a long way to splainin how thonly voters that matters much is the swang voters on a counta they aint blindly votin fer no uniform: i reckon they must be deecidin who they gone vote fer by lookin at the person a'wearin it.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

pinions of buddy don: whut a dream i had

i dreamt las nite i wuz in the futchur n thangs wuz strange as could be. thay wuznt no cars n hardly no people. i wuz part of a lil monastery of folks that wuz trine to keep knowledge alive. we wuz ritin a book bout the latest dark age, witch we called it the age of oil. burnin all them fossile fuels had jes kep on a spreddin till purty soon everbidy wuz a'doon it.

turnt out the earth couldnt really handle it. thay wuz strange weather: floods n earth quakes n volcanoes. purt soon, glaciers cum down frum the north n started pushin folks outta the cities. price of oil gut to whar nobidy could afford to use it fer much of nuthin.

lucky fer me n miz bd, we had tuck us a vacayshun to the smokey mountains down in our beloved tennessee. while we wuz a'hikin up in thar, a lil war gut a'goin. the middle east wuz still a open wound on the earths body n finely sumbidy deecided to solve the problem once n fer all with a nuclear weppon. once it gut a'goin, seem lack they must a been a'usin em all over the worl. twernt quite on the beach. but twuz a nuff to wipe out mos centers of populayshun. after that, couldnt nobidy keep the utilities a'runnin nor nuthin.

so thar we wuz, out in the wilderness with a few supplies. befor long, we run into a group of folk who had em a lil settlement n whenever they larnt we wuz educated, they ast us did we wonta join em n teach the children n try to rite up a histry of how the modern worl ended.

twuz a nitemare, but twernt all that differnt frum the nitemares i used to have back in the sixties when it seemd lack twuz jes a matter of time till the u.s. n u.s.s.r. fired off all them nuclear weppons they kep pointed at each other. back then, the enemy wuz a cuntry.

now tiz a bunch of folk we caint find n caint identify. thays loose nukes frum the former u.s.s.r. n thays loose material that wuznt guarded whenever we invaded iraq. lots of it wuz looted. who knows whar tiz now? back then, we had more importunt thangs to guard: iraqs oil facilities.

when i woke up, i felt a purr-verse moment of bof disappointment n relief. at lease in the dream, the dreaded, unthankabull thang had dun happend, the nitemare we been a'dreddin all our lives had dun finely cum true, endin the awe full suspense.

now that i'm awake, i hope we kin find us a better way.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

pinions of buddy don: fitin a tacktick

when ye thank bout it, this here war on terror we dun gut ourself into is a hard war to fite on a counta how taint agin no cuntry but agin a tacktick. fack is, ye mite could say we hepped the arabs cummence usin this particlar tacktick back in worl war one whenever lawrence of arabia was showin bands of bedouins how to blow up train tracks n other turkish installayshuns. the idee then wuz to keep the turks army spread out, not to fite it direckly, n let the losses drain away thar morale n make supplyin thar folks a lil more difficult.

but gittin sumbidy to use a particlar tacktick depends on whut yer goal is n that will determine yer strategy. a tacktick is jes sumthin to hep yer strategy git ye to yer goal.

so whut we are really a'trine to do is to cunvince folks not to use the tacktick of terror attacks. since thats our own goal, seems lack twood make sense to look at the tackticks n strategy we been a'usin to reach our goal. n to do that, at sum point, ye have to look at what makes folks willin to use a tacktick lack terror. n that means, ye have to ast, whut is thar goal n how duz usin the tacktick of terror hep em reach thar goal?

so far, in my pinion, we aint willin to face inny hard ansers on thatn. mr bush lacks to say they hate folks thats free, but that dont make no sense. why wood i hate folks bein free over in a nuther part of the worl so much that i wood wonta kill em? wood i be trine to make em less free? in that case, woodnt i thank i wuz winnin ifn the cuntry i attacked cummenced to restricktin freedum? ifn we wuz to do that, then the terrsts wood be winnin. so when we make laws to restrick our rights, when we settle fer the idee that tiz ok to lock folks up without due process, that we kin take the wurd of the presdent over the laws by witch our nayhsun wuz founded, meanin that we ackcept rule of men over rule of law, witch that goes agin whut the foundin fathers wuz trine to set up, when we do that, then we are heppin them terrists make us less free.

corse, thats on the assumpshun that hatred of our freedum is whut motivates our enemies to use the tacktick of terror. whut if freedum-hatred wuznt the real goal? whut if they had em a differnt goal that they figgerd they could reach usin a strategy the included the tacktick of terror attacks? ifn we wuz a'gone cunvints em to quit usin it, woodnt we have to unnerstand whut thar real goal wuz?

we know osama bin laden wonted the us outta saudi arabia, so he has dun gut that goal. whut else could it be?

one thang is sartin, based on the histry of folks fitin terror in the past. it caint be dun with force. the main thang terrorism has goin fer it as a tacktick is that it gives the weaker party a way of strikin agin opponents thats much stronger. thats whut the ira used agin the english to grate effeck, even tho the english wuz by far the stronger party. thats whut the basque separtists used agin spain. tiz whut the palestinians uses agin the state of israel. in all three cases, overwhelming force has been used over n over agin, but that dint stop nuthin. thonly one that is stopped at the moment of them three is the english vs the ira, n thatn cum to a end by talkin over thar differntses n cummin to agreement on how to live with em.

we gut ourself in a bind over in iraq on a counta we claim to be attackin the terrists. we dun cum up with all kinda eggscuses bout why this is the rite place to attack em. even so, we find ourself in a spot whar the more force we use, the more folks we cunvints to use terror as a tacktick. the number of insurgents, accordin to a recent report in the ny times (Op-Chart; The State of Iraq: an Update -- no longer available, publised August 10, 2004), is goin up ever day. they estimated at the start that twuznt moren maybe 5,000 but now thar sayin tis easly 20,000. n the same report shows that forn fiters aint all that much of a facter.

seems lack we have to figger whut tiz that they wont ifn we really hope to have a chants to cunvints folks not to use the tacktick of terror. twont be done by shootin folks, bombin em, invadin a cuntry of folks lack em. all of that, as has dun been showed, jes stirs up the hornets nest n cunvintses more folks that terror is thonly tacktick they gut. so they keep on a'usin it n purty soon, folks that woodnt never cunsidder it seems to be gittin in on it.

part of the truble fer us is we are equipped to whup nayshun states in a war, one miltary agin tuthern. but taint a state we gut to go agin. the tackticks ye use fer fitin a state kin make yer war on terror go backwards on a counta how when ye bomb folks n have colaterull damage n all, ye git folks made a nuff to whar they wood blow themselves up jes to git back at ye, speshly in a cultchur known fer blood feuds.

tiz lack one of them chinese fanger puzzles whar the harder ye try to pull it off, the titer it stays on. force wont git yer fanger free.

the histry of the worl shows how force wont cunvints folks to quit a'usin the tacktick of terror. when ye git yer fanger in one of them chinese puzzles, ye larn after a while how ye gut to relax n coax it off. ye caint go strate at it with force.

sadly, the same is true whenever yer trine to git folks to quit usin terror. at sum point, ye gut to evaluate whut the enemy's goal is n how usin the tacktick of terror fits the stategy to achieve them goals. it dont mean ye have to give in, but ye gut to unnerstand.

corse, ye mite be accused of bein sensitive ifn ye do.

Monday, August 16, 2004

pinions of buddy don: thoughts on a scotch blend

fer the ten or twelve folks that cums by this site purty reglar, ye know how i fell in luv with sangle malt scotch earlier this year. i dun writ about it minny a time. i owe a worl of thanks to eric over at straight white guy fer gittin me started n more thanks to my irish friend fer innerducin me to keens chophouse, witch we have reservayshuns fer this verr fridy evenin sos we kin sample sevrul scotches we probly woodnt never purchus by the bottle.

thats the mane problem with sangle malt scotches: they kin git eggspensive. fer instunts, at that sangle malt scotch tastin we attended at keens las may, the sangle malt that got the mos votes frum the audients fer favert wuz lagavulin 16. twuz the favert fer me n miz bd also. we lacked the glenmorangie 18 verr well n twuz a bit o'luck how miz bd won her a bottle, witch we aint opened it yet n i wunder will we ever open it. we also been given a cuple gifts of scotch. my boss give us a bottle of tobermory 10 sumbidy had give him without knowin he dint keer fer the taste of scotch no how no way. we gut a bottle of macallan 18 frum my irish friend, witch he knows we luv sangle malt scotch even moren he n his wife duz. we gut a bottle of glenlivet 12 matured in french oak casks frum the last visiters to nyc. n we dun bought us a bottle here n there that we aint opened n tiz easy to see how a bidy could git to collecktin.

corse, the proof is in the tastin -- the nose, the taste, the finish, the balance -- n we luv it so much that we dun split our supplies twixt weekend malts -- talisker, laphroaig, ardbeg, ledaig n other such faverts -- n the weekday malts, yer cheaper varities, witch theys all good. sean connery is quoted as sayin sumthin lack, 'scotch straight up. any sangle malt'll do.' tiz a fack that sangle malt scotch is kindly lack sex. when tiz good tiz grate n when taint so good, tiz still purty grate. i lack to save the taste of scotch fer the weekend n durin the week lack as not i'll stick to jack daniels.

taint lack we drank verr much of innythang cummin frum famblies loded with alkyholicks. we purty much lack a shot in the evenin n mayhap a shot n a splash on a weekend evenin. we dont lack bein drunk, but we luv the taste n nose n feel of scotch that dont git ye sloppy.

innywho, tuther day i wuz researchin scotches in genrul, figgern when me n miz bd kin mayhap take a tour of the distillries over thar in scotland. thays minny a site that covers scotches n i wuz a readin thisn, witch they have a site fer mos ever distillres, including lagavulin. whut i found so sprisin wuz this:
"Decanter" magazine compared the relationship of Lagavulin and Laphroaig on Islay with that of Cheval Blanc and Petrus in Bordeaux. In name at least Lagavulin must be Cheval Blanc as it contributes whisky to the White Horse blends and the animal decorates the distillery sign. At a glance the cream- painted distillery buildings could be an inn called the White Horse. The distillery's water arrives by way of a fast-flowing stream that no doubt picks up plenty of peat on the way. The maturation warehouses are battered by the sea and have their own jetty. When the seas are high, Lagavulin's outer walls are knee-high in salt water.
i hadnt never give much thought to whut sangle malts git into yer scotch blends. i had noticed how them blends wuz a lot cheaper than yer sangle malts n a time or two me n miz bd has ordered dewars or johnny walker black label n they wuz ok. whenever i red bout how lagavulin is one of the mane ingredients in white horse scotch, i figgerd twood be wurth checkin how much it cost. much to my sprize, twuz only $16.99 fer a liter of it. yer lagavulin goes fer sumwhars twixt $50 - $70 fer a bottle cordin to whar ye buy it. so we wuz a lil less than hopeful bout that white horse. turnt out to be fine. mitey fine. taint quite lagavulin, but tiz a hole lot bettern jes 25% - 34% as good, witch thats the percentidge ye gut to pay. looks to me lack them blends deserves a bit more attenchun that we dun give em.

aint life grand? thays so much to discover, even after yer all growd up.

Friday, August 13, 2004

pinions of buddy don: thangs that make a hillbilly wunder

durin his time of miltary servus, one man dint do nuthin but train ceptn fer bout four munths or so when he dint seem to show up even fer trainin, sartinly not fer his physicull. tuthern in his time of miltary servus dint do nuthin but train ceptn fer bout four munths he spent in the line of fire in viet nam. our librul medya seems to be obsessed with the four munths in viet nam. whut's the truth?

one man spent most of his furst forty years drankin n runnin one cumpny after a nuthern into the ground. tuthern spent the same time servin as prosecuter n senator. is this hypocriticull?

one of em sez
  • he woodnt never use our troops as nayshun bilders, then sends em to bild nayshuns in afghanistan n iraq;
  • sez he wont support a 9/11 commission, then duz support it;
  • sez he wont testify befor the 9/11 commisshun but then sez he kin chat with em long as he kin have his veep thar n caint be recorded n caint nobidy take no notes;
  • claims to be callin fer a era of personull responsibilty, then sez he kin chat with that thar 9/11 commisshun long as he kin have his veep thar n caint be recorded n caint nobidy take no notes;
  • sez he wont support a homeland security dierecktor, then he duz;
  • sez he wont allow his nashunull securty dierecktor to testify, then he duz;
  • sez stem cells is livin humans n then sez tiz ok to use sum of em fer resurch (on the theory, i reckun, that taint as much of a sin to murder only a few times n not a lot);
  • sez life begins at concepshun, but dont do nuthin to keep in vitro fertilizayshun frum bein allowd, witch thatn means deestruckshun fer hunderds of thousunds of unused fertilized zygotes;
  • sez he dont wonta let gummint grow, then grows it with moren a million new fedrul jobs n a gigantick new medicare drugs benefit fedrul entitlement progrum
librul medya lets his campain git away with callin tuthern a flip flopper.

ole hillbilly gits to whar he caint hardly stand the hipockrussy of it all n wishes he could quit pain a tenchun toot. but then he wakes up n no matter whut he sed the day before, flip flops his ownself n starts readin the papers, hopin fer sumbidy to make him bleeve in the medya agin.

he orta know bettern that by now. the medya will serve thar owners.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

life of buddy don, chaptur 127: the group grows

mayhap the mos successful idee i ever cum up with wuz the group n thatn happend by acksident back in chaptur 122, how the group wuz born. thang is, after we had us that furst meetin, we gut goin to whar thay wuznt no fridy without no group, ceptn maybe roun christmus n i aint even shore bout that. whuther thay wuz ever a fridy without a group once it gut goin, thay wuznt now doubt bout how the group gut to be the soshul center fer everbidy that wuz a reglar.

ye mite wunder how ye could git a bunch of arrowgunt graduwait student woodbe riters together to whar they wonted to spend ever fridy evenin together, readin whutever they dun scribbled out in that week n twuz purt amazin. corse, thay wuz the occashunull fuss n fite, but twernt sumthin that happent all that often.

but the arrowgunts wuz thar frum the beginnin n how could it be otherwise? ifn ye wonta larn yerself how to do sumthin that aint easy, ye gut to bleeve ye kin doot n mayhap that ye kin doot as well as innybidy that ever has dunnit. ifn ye wonta play the peeano, then ye gut to bleeve ye kin even when ye caint. yer furst efforts wont sound lack much of nuthin, sartinly not lack nuthin good. but ye caint quit n ifn ye keep on tiz on a counta bleevin that sumwhars inside ye thars a peeano picker jes dyin to git his fangers limberd up rite to whar he kin play good a nuff that folks wonts to listn. same is true of riters. ye mite could thank how ritin wood be easy n i reckon thats whut makes so minny folks thank theys riters.

ifn ye dun much ritin, ye had to run into loads of folks that tells ye bout how theys riters but whenever ye ast to see sumthin they dun writ, twill be a story bout how they dont have nuthin reddy yet or how they still makin notes bout whut they a'gone rite sumday or even how they gut the hole story locked up in thar heds to whar ifn ye aint keerful, theyll make ye sit still till they dun tole ye ever idee they ever had bout whut they wonted to rite.

agin, ifn ye dun much ritin, ye dun larnt how taint near as easy as it looks. tiz one of the mane problems with mos innythang sumbidy duz well. stand up comicks look lack they jes sayin the furst thang the cums into thar heds only tiz always funny. ifn ye ever try it, ye find out that ye gut to have yer hed full befor ye start n ye gut to practiss how ye stand n how ye say mos innythang ye wonta make funny. grate ackters make it look lack they aint even acktin. same is true fer grate athletes n grate singers n yew name it.

ifn ye dun much ritin, ye know that one of the hardest thangs bout it is how ye gut to start over ever time ye wonta git the nex page writ. i member how mama used to say that the hardest thang bout washin the dishes is gittin up offn the couch. tiz a good line on a counta them dishes aint never as hard to wash as they seem to be befor ye git to the sink. but hard as washin dishes is to start, taint hard to cumplete. ritin is even harder to start n almost impossibull to cumplete. aint lack when ye finish with yer days ritin ye gut a cabnet full of clean flatware. at the end of a good day, ye lackly scribbled on a few pages that needs to be rewrit n then needs to be fit in with sumthin longer.

ifn ye dun much ritin, ye know tiz kindly lack climbin a mountin whar ye go up fer a while n then have to go back down to git to the nex slope n git a lil higher only ye caint hardly tell much bout how far ye dun cum. n bout the time ye thank yer a'gittin close, ye see the nex higher place n cum to find out ye gut to go down furst befor ye kin go up agin. ye could do that till ye give up without never gittin to the top. n thang is, thays plenty a mountin whar once ye dun clumb to the top, aint hardly no view fer the trees. thays minny a thang gits writ thataway n sumtimes tiz only tuther folks that kin tell how good whut ye writ wuz.

tiz one of them odd thangs bout ritin n histry. minny of them we calls the grates wuznt recon eyesd during thar lifetimes. ye gut yer emily dickinson that dint publish but four poems durin her lifetime. ye gut yer kafka who ast his friend to burn everthang he had writ. ye gut yer faulkner that had gone near outta print till them french started a'readin im. even ifn yer grate, folks mite not give ye whut ye dun urnt, witch the way sully-prudhomme beat out leo tolstoy fer the furst nobel prize is purty good proof of that.

a nuther oddity bout riters is how they dont know witch of thar wurks wuz good n witchns wuznt. faulkner figgerd his best wurk wuz a fable. mark twain thought his joan of arc wuz the best. even marcel proust, the worls gratest novelist in my pinion, even he gut to doubtin whuther he wuz inny good n thays a famus moment when he let hisself git intimidated by andre gide a'winnin the prix goncourt n thankin how he had wasted his time a'ritin one of the worls gratest novels, rembrance of things past, witch he gut to thankin he had dun put in all the rong deetails.

so ifn ye git a room full of graduwait students who thanks they all a'gone win the nobel prize, ye kin speck a lot of arrowgunts n lots of folks thankin whut they dun writ wuz grate when twernt or wuz lousy when twuz good or even grate. heres a lil list of the main folks in the group by fall of 1981:
  • henry mouffette. he bleevd he wuz so grate that his ritin wood start a litarairy movement. thang wuz, he jes had the one poem he had writ n even tho he hepped git the group a'goin, he only cum to the furst two meetins, witch he red us the same poem bof times. after than we never seen im at the group agin tho we did have lots of fun talkin bout how he wood git into long monologs bout the abyss, witch he pronounced it lack 'the abbess,' n how twuz all he could do to keep frum fallin in the abbess n givin way to deespair.

  • kerry reed. the feller cum in a'splainin bout how grate he wuz. he wuznt a graduwait student, but he hung aroun em a nuff to whar he herd bout the group. he wonted to be the reincarnayshun of jack kerouac but lack henry, he had jes writ the one poem, witch his wuz a haiku n a dam goodn, but after he red it to us twice, he quit a'cummin.

  • joseph cooper. speakin bout laffin, lack i dun mentchuned bout joe cooper, he writ stories so funny the group wood make im stop sos we could catch our breath. he wuz a graduwait student in the same class with us, but the group killt his graduwait career on a counta how he wood spend his week a'ritin a new story n woodnt do no class wurk. he quit skool sumtime in the summer n went to atlanta georgia to git im a job but thangs dint wurk out. one day he wuz back, a'knockin on our door n wunderin could he stay with us. we had a exter bedroom so we let im roll out his sleepin bag on it. he stayed with us mos of that quarter n writ more verr funny stories, but then he gut im a job drivin a airport limo. purt soon he dint cum to group no more n then he gut im a room over in alcoa n twuz the last we seen of im fer minny a year. but i run into one time on a airplane frum knoxvull to new york by way of atlanta n i ast him how his ritin wuz a'goin. he laffd n sed once he quit cummin to the group, he never writ nuthin else agin. he sed fack wuz, he dint really rite nuthin new once he gut outta grad skool. he sed he needed to be avoidin his real wurk befor he could git in the mood to rite n ever since he gut to drivin limos, thay wuznt no way to avoid it, sartinly not by sittin in the graduwait liberry pertended he wuz a'studyin whenever he wuz ritin a nuther verr funny story.

  • alexis st johns. she wuz a beeyootiful gurl frum new orleans whar her mama had been a pure french creole n her daddy the deesendent of slaves. she wuz verr lite skinned n sum folks wood ast wuz she black behin her back, witch twuz a sign of jes how racist we all wuz in so minny ways, witch i dint really larn much bout how deep that problem went till i wuz a'teachin english over at knoxvull collidge. innywho, she had writ a novel that she sed wuz no good even ifn she did read the furst chaptur n we all thought twuz verr intimidatin, witch the best compliment a riter kin give ye is how he figgerd he wood quit ritin on a counta how he couldnt never rite nuthin as good as the riter he wuz a'complimentin. thang wuz, she never red us a nuther wurd but wood cum n sit by me ever fridy to whar everbidy wuz talkin bout wuz we havin a thang till finely emily ast her wuz she a'wontin to have a flang with her husbin, witch that wuz me n i wuz standin rite thar at a party a pickin out some crackers n cheese to eat n alexis had cum to grab my elbow n ast wuz thay innythang good to eat. after that party we never seen her agin n folks tole me i musta been thonly one that dint notice how she wuz sweet on me.

  • sam johns. he wuz a graduwait student a'wurkin on his docktrut. he innerduced applause to the group whenever he herd me read a chaptur outta crap notes. when i gut to the end, he looked roun the room, held up his hands, n gut to clappin. twuz a bad moment in lots of ways on a counta after that, ye mite could thank the hole goal wuz to git folks to clap whenever ye quit readin fer the week. thang bout sam wuz he could mimick innythang frum a petrarchun sonnet to a raymond chandler hard boiled detective story to italo calvino, but he couldnt rite nuthin that wuznt no parody of sumthin else. thang wuz, he wuz rite funny, but he tuck offents ifn ye laffed.

  • lauren stewart. she wuz marrd to billy stewart, witch he wuz the new york jew i tole ye bout back in chaptur 122, how the group wuz born. she writ poetry n wuz real shy bout it. sumtimes she wood read n ye couldnt hear nothin till ye insisted she speak up a bit to whar we could here. she wood try to pall gize befor readin, witch we dint allow no pall gies whenever a person wuz a'readin, but she wood always find a way to slip one in. thang is, thay wuznt nuthin to pall gize bout. yet i wood be willin to bet she aint never publishd nuthin n probly aint never tride to. we had to beg her to reed ever time n sumtimes, ye couldnt git her to read nuthin no how no way.

  • jake dawes. he wuz a poet n a short story riter. he cum in fer the furst time whenever he herd bout the group after startin the graduwait program in the fall of 81. he wuz bout the mos arrowgunt of all only he had the good ritin to prove it. seem lack he wuz always in the group n he becum one of the main members. he gut to be bes friends with bud rankin, witch that wuz fine fer me.

  • bud rankin. i dun writ a bit bout him. thang wuz, he started cummin to the group the secunt or third time it met. he red us sumthin so bad it led to the furst critic, billy stewart, sayin he lacked stories whar he could tell who wuz in it n whut wuz happenin n whar it all tuck place, witch that made everbidy laff n bud rankin turnt a shade of red ye dont see lessn sumbidys spillin blood. the nex week bud red us sumthin that mite coulda been wurse. ever week he wood brang sumthin new. seem lack he wuz trine to rite whutever faulkner wooda dun ifn he had tuck a lot of lsd n smoked a lot of theevil weed n tride to rite whilest he wuz a'doon it. but thang wuz, bud wood rite sumthin new ever week n i gut to whar i wood add mire how he gut bettern better.

  • bud duncan. folks lacked to call me bud by then on a counta how it made it seem lack i wuz all growd up. later on folks wood git on me fer thankin is wuz leader of the group only they had to add mitt i hadnt never sed i wuz. twuz jes sumthin bout the way i ackted. i reckun ye caint git much more arrowgunt than i wuz n mayhap i aint changed all that much since. innywho, folks wuz a lil intimidated by the fack that i had dun writ a hole novel. furst few meetins, i wood try to rite sumthin new n read it to the group, but after a lil while, i real eyesd how i dint have a nuff time, or lease i cunvintsed myself i dint, so i gut to readin frum crap notes. whenever we met, we wood git together round 7:30 n pass theevil weed n drank sum beer or wine or whutever. i wood be the one to ast who had brung em sunthin to read. i wood ast who wonted to go furst. after bud rankin had dun read, witch he almost always had to go furst on a counta how he wuz so nervus, then i wood ast who wonted to go nex. innybidy coulda dun the astin, but i wuz the one that dun it n then i wood end up readin last. twuz a blessin i wuz readin frum sumthin so long on a counta thay wuz meetins whar thonly other person with sumthin to read wuz bud rankin. so i could read a chaptur n ifn folks wonted more, i wood read a lil more. corse, fer new folks, we had to brang em up to date on the story so far, so it gut to whar billy stewart could give ye a grate lil sinopsus of the novel.
thay wuz a passel more folk that cum n i plan to tell bout em by n by. we started out a'meetin in a big ole apartment billy stewart rented sos lauren could have a studio. thang wuz, we started gittin bigger n bigger. one week thay wuz 12 folks thar. nextn thay wuz 18. it gut to whar the listners outnumberd the riters five or six to one. finely cum a day when thay wuz near 60 folks a'trine to git in. twuz a hot stuffy evenin on a counta mosta them folks had to stand or sit injun style to whar the room wuz over filld with folk.

after that meetin, billy calld me n sed sumthin hadda be dun so i tole joe n he calld bud n bud tole jake n jake run into sam n splaint it to him n purty soon, six or seven of the reglars gut together over at the stewarts in south knoxvull n ast whut could we do to keep a good thing from gittin overgrown n goin bad. we lacked meetin at laurens on a counta twuz large n cumfy n rite thar in fort sanders. she lacked it too. but we had to figger sumthin. we mite start havin dues. or chargin at the door. or jes sayin after the 12th person gut in, nobidy else wood be allowd, but thang wuz how sam johns wuz generly bout 30 mints late n dint nobidy wonta keep him out.

so i cum up with a lil idee, witch twuz the kinda thang i dun that made folks thank i wuz the leader n then hate me fer it, but at the time, they figgerd twuz the purr feck solushun. my idee wuz that we wood move the group frum one reglars place to a nuther. we could deecide on the nite of a readin whar we wuz a'gone meet nex n only the folks that wuz attendin wood know. everbidy lacked the idee n thats whut we gut to doon. we dint take no vote. twuz jes deecided sum kinda way whar everbidy agreed befor they knew it.

when ye thank bout it, twuz the mos arrowgunt solushun we could git: only the insiders wood be in on whar we wuz a'gone meet. twuz a purrfeck fit fer a bunch of arrowgunt graduwait student woodbe riters.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

pinions of buddy don: losers wurds -- wooda coulda shoulda fonly

thays a set of losers wurds amungst folks i know that pays tenchun to sports that sum folks lacks to use after thar team dun lost. twill be time to say sumthin lack, 'we shoulda won n we could won n we wooda won fonly our quarterback hadnt fumbled the ball five times in the secunt quarter.' fack is, i mite coulda used that verr statement back whenever tennessee wuz a'losin to florida durin a rain storm in knoxvull a year or two back.

taint no big deal ifn such wurds is used bout sports on a counta sports dont really matter all that much. but when pall tishuns start usin em, ye kin bet they have a losin argument.

fer instunts, after the lousy jobs numbers cum out earlier this week, mr bush n tutherns amungst his folks wuz splainin that twuznt really bad but ifn twuz, twernt as bad as it coulda been n woulda been fonly the presdents purrfeck pallcies hadnt been used. heres a typicull eggzample frum the washington posts frunt page:
"Who knows what the economy would have looked like without the tax-cut packages?" asked Stephen Gallagher, chief economist at the investment firm S.G. Cowen & Co. "We might not be happy where we are, but it likely would have been much worse."
this is a argument that opposes whuts real with the worl of losers wurds: 'wooda coulda shoulda fonly.' heres a translayshun:
tiz a fack the economy shoulda dun better, but it coulda been wurser n wooda been wurser fonly it hadnt been fer the pallsies we put in place n promissd wood wurk ceptn they dint lessn ye figger how much wurser thangs could wooda shoulda been fonly we had used inny pallsies but the verr ones we used.
corse, ye kin translate most of whut the administrayshun sez bout iraq or terrist attacks into the same langwage.

but we aint gut time fer that over whar i wurk: we gut to git reddy fer the rnc, witch everbidy is doon thar bes to git outta town: my boss n his boss n his boss is all takin vacayshuns. fack is, i shoulda tuck one n coulda tuck one n wooda tuck one fonly i had noticed how folks is a'scairt that they caint be pertected proper lack durin the event on a counta thays a slew of folks that wonts to dissrup the cunventchun. but i caint hep but thank fonly they kin perteck us, witch miz bd lacks to point out that a point that begins with fonly aint verr lackly to punkchur nuthin! but i gut to hope they kin perteck us on a counta, i caint git no vacayshun fer that week now ...
i shoulda ...
i coulda ...
i wooda ...
fonly i had!

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

pinions of buddy don: ifn wishes wuz wings

i wish ifn we have a enemy that attacks us, we wood go after that enemy with everthang we gut, not git side-tracked n spend all our money n resorces attackin sumbidy that dint have nuthin to do with it.

i wish when we eggzamine the bes way to go we wood member the lessons we larn frum ever sport season we ever seen: offence is importunt, but defense wins champeenships.

i wish when we wonta brang a organizayshun that attacks us (lack al qaeda) to surrender that we woodnt make a miss take that gives em new recruitin possibilities so that even ifn we captchur thar leaders, they woodnt be able to replace em with plenty more.

i wish all the homeland securty money wuz spread round based on the threats in sted of bein used lack a entitlement program fer rural states, witch we're spending $5.03 per person in californy (whar thays minny a target fer a terrist) n $37.94 per person in wyoming.

i wish everbidy in the cuntry that spends 50% more per capita than any other cuntry in the worl on health care could afford health insurants.

i wish the cuntry that spends more per capita on health insurants than inny othern in the worl ranked higher than 37th in health care n could beat out cuntries lack colombia, chile, saudi arabia n sinagpore.

i wish whenever the presdint goes round splainin how we iz turnin the corner on the economy it woodnt mean we wuz goin round in circles that dont seem to be gittin nowhar.

i wish i could quit keerin bout all this pall ticks so much n could jes git up n rite on my novel everday.

pinions of buddy don: faith n hope vs fear n frustrayshun

i been trine to rite the nex chaptur of the novel this hole blog wuz created fer, witch thats the life n pinions of buddy don, hillbilly, but it seems lack everday i face the mountain of the nex chaptur n jes caint git myself to start climbin. tiz a hard thang to do on a counta how ye gut to git over yer fear of failure ifn ye wonta beat yer frustrayshun over not ritin, ye gut to have a combinayshun of faith n hope. the hard thang bout ritin is how the screen or paper is blank. ye gut to find sumthin to put on it. ifn ye keer a lot bout whut yer trine to rite, it kin git verr dauntin to whar ye git afraid ye caint rite that nex bit. tiz a hard feelin to git over. ifn ye hope to do better, ye gut to have faith. ifn ye hope to move forward, ye gut to git movin everday. sum tasks dont give ye no easy way to res on momentum. ye dont have momentum ifn ye gut to start anew everday. n thats jes whut ritin is all about: usin yer faith in yerself n yer hope to finish ritin sumthin good to git over yer fear of failure n frustrayshun at the passin days with nuthin writ.

Monday, August 09, 2004

obsesshuns of buddy don: whar to by yer sangle malt scotch in man hattan

i writ bout this place a time or two. heres sum pitchers. tiz located on broadway twixt 6th n 7th streets over in the part of man hattan name of greenwich village. heres the view from cross the street:

here's the kinda cum-on they have in thar winder:

but the ackshun is inside:

a lil closer view:

ifn yer rich, ye kin git em to open this here cabnet:

here's a closer look:

pinions of buddy don: poetick refleckshuns

he bravely attempts a dang'rous manoover
that last wuz pullt off by ole herbert hoover:
to leave fewer jobs when yer four years is dun
than whut ye wuz left back when ye begun
'should we vote fer him?' left-wing criticks scoff
but why should he fret: aint his friends better off?

Friday, August 06, 2004

pinions of buddy don: plum tuckerd out by bcp, new bankin analusts, baseball n migrayshuns

thisn has been one of the longest n hardest weeks i bleeve i ever dun had durin my wurkin life. fer one thang, we had the new class of investment bankin analysts cum in to take thar seats follerin thar trainin. tiz one of the busiest weeks ever year n twooda been a nuff to keep us chasin our tails all week.

so happend that we had dun plannd a migrayshun to the lates vershun of offus, witch tiz calld offus 2003 n aint much differnt ceptn the one app that mos of our users use the mos, the mail progrum name of outlook. we git cumplaints lack folks claimin tiz a'drivin em crazy n make it look n wurk lack the old outlook thay had cum to luv after hatin it so fer not wurkin lack lotus notes, witch thatns the one we wuz a'usin befor we migrated to outlook.

finely thars the dual hedded fears razed by the upcummin rnc n sundys terr alurt. twixt the two of em n the migrayshun n the new class of finanshill analysts, we been hammerd hard at wurk. ye caint git away frum the place in under 11 hours n often as not, ye gut to stay late after that. fack is, i need to git up n go rite now sos i kin catch the 6:33 bus over to man hattan n git thar in time to deal with the latest fallout frum one or tuther of them thangs.

but the bcp stuff is the mos drainin n innerestin since ye gut to be reddy to have yer bankers keep on a wurkin even ifn sumbidy disabled the hole island of man hattan. tiz a big chore n fer sum reason, it all needs to be dun by august 29, witch they claim our bildin is a'gonna be a ghost town that week. dont matter much to me on a counta how folks lack me is a'gone half to be thar no matter whut.

big benefit to the economy of all this bcp stuff is how we are spendin money lack crazy to git reddy. yesterdy we wuz even out at a retail store -- too late to order thru the cheaper but slower sorces we generly use -- a'buyin up so much stuff lack routers n cables n universul power splies n cd burners n blank media n yew name it, we wuz a'gittin reddy to cart it home till we cunvinced the folks a'wurkin in that store that they orta deeliver on a counta how we wuz spendin at lease $5,000 on the one trip.

thang is, i gut a plan to wurk sum this weekend. i dont half to, but the idee of gittin in the offus without a millyun inneruptshuns sos i kin git sum of my reglar wurk dun seems almos lack a day off. miz bd dont see it thataway n i caint blame her. mayhap we'll take us a hike one of the two daze.

corse thays a nuther thang i almos fergut to mentchun. i dun volunteerd to hep out with the pal childrens baseball league n bleev't or not, i will be goin out to hep them kids play baseball. twill be a nice brake in the day, but lack as not, twill mean wurkin late to make up fer it.

thank them scots fer sangle malts! tiz the ree-ward at the end of these hard daze. we dun gut to collecktin differnt ones n keepin a few of em open sos we kin have tastins mos ever evenin. open at the moment is talisker 10, laphroaig 10 (whut a grate ineggspensive scotch!), oban 14, dalmore 12 (a nuther grate sprize at a grate price), the glenlivet 12, n bunnahabhain 12. so i mite be a'wurkin too hard, but the pay aint bad!

Thursday, August 05, 2004

pinions of buddy don: is our pundits larnin?

magine my sprize this mornin whenever i wuz readin the washington post n found a column by that pundit name of richard cohen bout a topick i discussed a few days ago. here's a cuple quotes frum that articull:
  • But on other matters, Bush has flipped and flopped with the best of them. As a presidential candidate, he declared himself implacably opposed to nation-building. Now we are engaged in building Iraq and Afghanistan.
  • Bush also declared himself a determined unilateralist, kissing off treaties and understandings and even spurning NATO's help in Afghanistan. Now, though, the unilateralist of old is sending Colin Powell around the world, seeking alms and arms for Iraq. Flip-flop.
  • Bush would not negotiate with North Korea. He did. Flip-flop.
  • Bush told the United Nations to butt out of Iraq. Now he wants it in. Flip-flop.
pundit cohen goes thru sum of tuther flips n flops by mr bush: agin creatin a department of homeland securty, then fer it. agin the 9/11 commission, then fer it. again condi testifyin in frunt of congress. then fer it. agin testifyin his ownself. then fer it, so long as he could have mr cheney thar to hep im out n so long as they couldnt take notes nor record nuthin n so long as he woodnt half to take no oath promissin to tell the truth, hole truth n nuthin but.

meanwhile, mr bush lacks to talk bout kerry votin fer the war n agin a spendin bill that cum later (couldnt be part of the budget, as ye mite member, so it had to cum later as a supplementry spendin bill). corse ye caint git much of nuthin past bob somerby of the daily howler:

SMILE-A-WHILE—A TWOFER: Just for fun, here’s the opening paragraph of David Firestone’s 10/22/03 New York Times report. Firestone was discussing a Bush veto threat in the fight about that $87 billion:

FIRESTONE: The White House threatened Tuesday to veto its own spending bill for Iraq and Afghanistan if Congress made reconstruction aid a loan, taking its most forceful stand on the issue even as more lawmakers supported a reimbursement by Iraq.

Say what? The White House threatened to veto its own spending bill? If the press corps wanted to be deeply stupid, they could say that Bush opposed funding the troops. And they could say something else—that he flip-flopped!

corse, aint no way no pundit wuz readin this here blog. i bet they gut the idee frum arianna huffington in a articull name of the real flip-flopper, witch she published hers on 7/15/2004.

or could folks jes be noticin it on thar own?

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

life of buddy don, chaptur 126: day in the life of a graduwait student

fall quarter of 1981, i wuz takin two classes, one on the modern novel, tuthern on elizabethan poetry. i also had me two composishun 101 classes to teach, one that met fer 50 mints ever mundy, windsdy n fridy at 7:50 AM, tuthern fer 50 mints same daze at 12:10 PM. emily had her four histry discushun seckshuns n one class n her masters to finish a'ritin. then thay wuz the group that met ever fridy n fambly visitin n sevrul such other obligayshuns to whar twuz amazin me n emily could keep up with everthang we had to do.

sum folks gits thangs dun by pullin all-niters n such. they git to whar theys so far behind they hardly know whut to do. then they wurk a big long stretch to catch up. i never wuz able to wurk thataway. fer me, twuz always importunt to do a lil bit everday. so twuz the sweep of the day that made thangs possibull fer me, n so tiz to this verr day. i had always had to wurk by habit, but i gut into the habit of gittin up at 4 am everday whenever i wuz in graduwait skool. heres how i wurked a typicull day.

frum mundy thru fridy, i wood always git up at 4. weekends i mite sleep in till 4:30 or 5 on a counta habits is hard to brake fer a day or two. quick as i wood wake up, i'd turn off the alarm befor it rung n woke up emily. i wood give her lil kiss jes below her left ear n tell her i luved her. then i'd git my dirty socks n underwear frum the floor whar i had left em the nite befor n clean socks n underwear frum the drawer n git into the bathroom. thar, everday that i lived, i wood clean out my rite sinus, witch still had a tendency to git plugged up overnite even tho i had that operayshun to fix my deviated septum. i larned the hard way to git it clean everday or else git a sinus infeckshun sooner or later. i wood spit whutever i could git into the toilet n take my shower.

once i wuz clean, i wood git dressed, generly in blue jeans n a flannel shirt n boots. i wood then go into the livin room whar we had our dinin table, reddy fer the daily warfare: i wood turn on the lite n quik as i could, git to killin the roaches i tuck by sprize. on a good morning, i wood git into the duble figgers. corse, i mite fergit they wuz a'gone be thar n not git a one. but i gut to whar i knew which way they wuz a'gone go, climbing the walls or trine to hid under newspaper i had dun lef out on the dinner table, witch twuz easy to kill em thar by jes smashin down on the paper. nex cum the kitchen, whar i wood kill me sum more of em n put on a pot of coffee.

once the coffee wuz made, i wood settle into a chair that daddy give me, witch twuz a favert that i literly wore plumb out over the years. emily had her one that mama give us. once i wuz in that chair, i wood spend the best hours of the day, a'readin literchur n listnin to classicull music turnt down low on the stereo. we dint have no recurds ceptn fer classiculls, so thats whut i listend to. faverts were the beethoven n mozart n belioz simfonies n beethovens late strang quartets or his piano wurks. we also lacked bach n haydn n vivaldi n a slew of otherns.

whut kinda thangs did i read? heres a lil list of the thangs i wuz a'readin that quarter:

  • The Faerie Queen by Sir Edmund Spencer
  • The Mirror for Magistrates by Thomas Sackville
  • Dr. Faustus by Christopher Marlowe
  • The Defence of Poesy by Sir Philip Sidney
  • Women in Love by D. H. Lawrence
  • Classical Rhetoric for the Modern Student by Edward P. J. Corbett
  • Quentin Bell's biography of Virginia Woolf
  • Michael Holyroyd's biography of Lytton Strachey
  • The Voyage Out by Virginia Woolf
  • Jacob's Room by Virginia Woolf
  • Mrs. Dalloway (three times) by Virginia Woolf
  • The Common Reader (first series) by Virginia Woolf
  • To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf
  • Orlando by Virginia Woolf
  • The Waves by Virginia Woolf
  • The Years by Virginia Woolf
  • The Courage to Be by Paul Tillich
  • Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson (dipped into thisn mos everday)
  • Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman (ditto)

corse, ifn twuz a mundy, windsdy or fridy, i wuz lack as not to be gittin reddy to teach my classes. mundy mornins i wood generly have a few last essays to grade n a verr busy class to git perpar. the papers i had lef to grade wuz purty easy to do on a counta i wood save the ones i eggspeckted to be the bestns fer last. after that, i wood git to gradin the papers fer my 12:10 class, witch that wuz a dismull chore on a counta i hadnt gut started yet n i always lacked to tackle the hardest papers furst, witch thay wuz the ones that tuck the mos time.

all of this wood git me to 6:30 when i wood go in to wake up emily. lack as not, she wood ast me to cum back at 6:45 n then agin at 7:00. once she had dun gut up, i fixed us a brakefuss, generly biskits n sausage n gravy n scrambled eggs. we couldnt hardly afford to eat out innywhar, not even at smokeys. bout as quick as we finish eatin, twuz off to class fer me. emily always tuck keer of doin the dishes n cleanin up.

ever mundy, i wood innerduce the ritin patturn fer the week: compare/contrast, divide/classify, cause/effeck, argument, etc. after class, i wood go to my offus n spend the time twixt classes a'gradin the papers fer the nex class. then i had to hike across campus to teach the class in dougherty hall, witch twuz a odd place fer a english class since most of em wuz in mcclung. twixt 1:00 pm, when the secunt class wuz over, n 2:30 i wood go back home, make myself a sandwich n sum coffee n read lite stuff lack time magazine or the knoxvull journal or the beacon. at 2:30 i had to be at the black cultchural center, whar i did sum tutorin. i promiss to splain more bout how i cum to be a'doin that by n by.

then twuz time to git over to ritin lab n wurk 3:30 to 5 or 5:30. finely, i wood go back home, burn a bowl of theevil weed, listn to sum classicull musick or all thangs cunsidderd n make dinner, witch i wood time dinner fer 6:30 sos we culd watch the news while we wuz eatin, generly nbc. then we wood watch a rerun of the jeffersons. by then twuz time to go to bed.

tuesdys n thursdys wuz a lil differnt on a counta i had that elizabethan poetry class at 9 am. it lasted a hour n fifteen mints. i wood go home after to read n read n read. that seminar on the modern novel wuz at 1:45 n lasted till 3. i wood generly go home, do a lil grossry shoppin, git hi, play piano, talk with emily till 5 n all thangs cunsidderd, witch emily wuz always home early on tuesdys n thursdys n she luved to listn to that show.

but the big event of ever week tuck place on fridy evnins whenever the group wood git together to read. twuz on a counta everbidy thar wuz a'studyin literchur, but most of em wuz only doon it sos they could larn how to rite better. thang is, i larnt much more frum the group than i ever dun frum skool.

as i rite bout them daze, i gut to git out the door n go to wurk. twill be a long hard day with no literchur nor poetry in it. i member feelin stressd out by everthang i had to do back then, but frum this angle, it looks lack a purty good life i had. i jes dint know it then.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

pinions of buddy don: them terrist alurts

twuz bizness as usual yesterdy in man hattan far as i could tell. streets were crowded. bus wuz full. dint seem lack nobidy wuz too scairt of the latest terrist alurts. corse, twuz harder to git into sartin bildins, but that dint stop too minny folks frum goin to wurk.

thang is, taint news that mos of the places is targets. today we cum to find out that the informayshun bout them alurts aint even new stuff. the new york times front page article, Reports That Led to Terror Alerts Were Years Old, Officials Say, claims:
Much of the information that led the authorities to raise the terror alert at several large financial institutions in the New York City and Washington areas was three or four years old, intelligence and law enforcement officials said on Monday. They reported that they had not yet found concrete evidence that a terrorist plot or preparatory surveillance operations were still under way.
yer washington post puts it thisaway in a front page articull name of Pre-9/11 Acts Led to Alerts, Officials Not Sure Al Qaeda Continued To Spy on Buildings:

Most of the al Qaeda surveillance of five financial institutions that led to a new terrorism alert Sunday was conducted before the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks and authorities are not sure whether the casing of the buildings has continued, numerous intelligence and law enforcement officials said yesterday.

More than half a dozen government officials interviewed yesterday, who declined to be identified because classified information is involved, said that most, if not all, of the information about the buildings seized by authorities in a raid in Pakistan last week was about three years old, and possibly older.

reuters gut into the ack with a story they named Material Behind New U.S. Alert is Years Old: Reports
Much of the information obtained by al Qaeda that led the United States to raise terror alerts in Washington and New York was at least three years old, and U.S. officials are unsure if the group's surveillance continues, according to published reports on Tuesday.
yer inquirin minds mite could have em a questchun or two:
  • why aint we hurd bout this befor now?
  • why are we a'hearin about it on a sundy afternoon years later?
  • duz it hep al qaeda to know bout how we reack to infermayshun thats so ole?
  • wood al qaeda ever pertend to have one target sos they could throw us offn the scent of the real target?
  • i mean, once we git on the trail of them evildoers that dun attackt us, aint nobidy that could git us offn the track to whar we wood use up billyuns of dollars n our credibilty n troops n all to go after sumbidy else befor we even gut them al qaeda folk, could they?
  • witch ifn ye thank much bout that last questchun, ye mite could wunder, why did we invade iraq?
  • since the infermayshun wuz years ole n dint give no time of no attack n, far as folks could tell, wuznt still bein pursued, how did it git to be so importunt to announce it on a sundy afternoon n git everbidy all up in a tizzy?

whar to look fer ansers? how bout the text of ridges comments whenever he wuz splainin the latest threat:

But we must understand that the kind of information available to us today is the result of the president's leadership in the war against terror, the reports that have led to this alert are the result of offensive intelligence and military operations overseas, as well as strong partnerships with our allies around the world, such as Pakistan.
i thank this here hillbilly is startin to unnerstand.

i reckun i'll cogitate on thatn while i go over to man hattan to wurk. we gut plenty wurk to do on a counta thay is a big ole event that makes all em bankers wonta git outta town. we all a'gittin em laptop cumputers n loaner blackberries n such sos they kin git away befor that danger gits too intents. we gut till jes bout the end of the munth, when they figger the invashun is a'gonna git goin.

they gut em good reasons to be scairt: them publicans is cummin to man hattan!

Monday, August 02, 2004

pinions of buddy don: bcp is the new y2k

mayhap ye member all the eggcitement leedin up to the year 2000 on a counta the fears bout how programmers had give only two digits fer the year. wharever i wuz a'wurkin then, twuz one of the big thangs folks wuz spendin money on. we went thru a millyun spreadsheets n documents n applicayshuns makin shore that they wood still be good once we gut into the last year of the ole millineeyum, witch 2001 wuz the furst year of the the new millineeyum. turnt out that y2k wuznt much of a problem fer mos innybidy i ever seen or herd tell of.

now we spend all that ole y2k time on a new thang they gut, witch thisns calls bcp on a counta how that stands fer bizness contannuity plan. as ye mite coulda herd by now, they dun announced how thays sevrul terrists targets on wall street, witch everbidy has dun been assumin they wuz targets all along n they been puttin together thar bcps to take keer of it.

yesterdy me n miz bd gut calls or emails frum ever corner of the fambly globe. they wuz astin thangs lack:
  • are ye in one of them bildins they sed wuz bein targeted?
  • how far is buddy don frum the stock eggschange?
  • how far away is newark new jersey frum whar ye live?
  • have ye ever been to the citibank bildin?
  • do ye have to go to citibank to git yer money out?
  • duz buddy don half to go to wurk durin this crisis?
ye kin unnerstand how they mite be a lil wurried. my mama called n splaind how on faux news they dun claimed the alert level wuz on red, witch we been at orange in man hattan ever since the towers went down. i tole mama i dint thank twuz red. i figgerd they claimd to be razin it sos folks wood know they had discoverd plans n all. but they dint raze it to no red on a counta ifn we unnerstand the laws up in here, ifn tiz red, tiz agin the law to be outside atall. but they gut em all good n scairt, lease in my fambly, probly in mos.

but whut are we spozed to do with all that fear? way i see it, we gut to go to wurk n do our best to git all them deeliverbulls dun sos we kin keep up. as tiz, ye caint do my job fer under 55 hours in a week, so ye caint afford to stay out jes on a counta they mite blow up a bildin near ye. i figger ifn they are a fixin to blow one up, twont be on a day i could guess it, so i could stay out fer years a'waitin fer the attack that mite could never cum.

meanwhile, thay is a invashun cummin on this verr day over whar i wurk. taint sumthin we dint eggspeck on a counta tiz part of the yearly seasons on 'the street,' witch thats whut they call all the wall street firms whuther or not thar near wall street itself. innywho, the wall street seasons wurk thisaway:
  1. in may ye git a bunch of summer interns, witch thays folks who aint gut thar furst degree yet but who are a'figgern they wonta wurk in bankin.
  2. a lil later in may, we git the summer assoshuts, witch thays folks that have dun been a finanshul analyst (generly) n have gut tharself half way thru graduwait skool.
  3. then rite after july 4, ye git the incummin class of 2-year analysts, witch whar i wurk now ye caint offishully call em 2-year analysts on a counta it sounds lack they woodnt be thar no longer than 2 years, witch thats about how long 98% of em will be thar. they cum in fer a 2-year stint durin witch they kind larn whuther bankin is the life fer them n whuther they are in the futchur of the wall street firm whar they do thar analyst years. they git trained fer about 4-6 weeks.
  4. then they git thar seats, witch thats whuts a'happenin today.
  5. a week later, them summer interns go away.
  6. them other 2-year analysts git to go away, but they dont generly doot all in one day.
  7. then ye git the incummin class of full-time assoshuts, witch they git about 4 weeks of trainin n they take thar series 7 eggzam.
  8. the summer assoshuts go away.
  9. a lil after labor day, the las assoshuts take thar seats n gits to wurkin.
todays the day them analysts take thar seats. nex mundy, them interns goes away. tiz a lotta wurk fer my team, so i gut to be thar. corse, we generly have to be a'doin a migrayshun while all this other stuff is a'goin on, witch at the moment we're a'migratin to mikersoft offus 2003.

aint no time to git all wurried bout no terrists attackin. we gut incummin of our own to take keer of.